Chandler's Imperfect Day

Chandler stirred as he heard some light gurgling and tiny voices trilling through the baby monitor on the bedside table. He rubbed his eyes and turned to look at the clock. It was five-thirty; roughly an hour earlier than he would normally hear the twins as they woke up. Yet, there they were, making all their familiar morning noises. Jack was gurgling along as Erica worked out some sounds, which had become a daily ritual for her. He looked over at his wife and saw that she was still sound asleep; undisturbed by their children's auditory chorus. Monica was lying face down and snoring erratically. There was a wet spot near her mouth on the pillowcase, no doubt caused by her drooling all night, and her hair was a tangled, matted mess. Still, to Chandler, she looked as beautiful as ever. He propped up his head, tapping his fingers on his chin, as he watched her sleep for a few moments. He still doesn't know how he got so lucky making this woman fall in love with him.

He smiled at her once more, leaned over, kissed her on the shoulder, and then slowly slid out of bed. He took care not to drag the covers with him or shake the mattress too much so as not to disturb her. These last few weeks have taken a physical toll on Monica, and he knew she needed the sleep. He gingerly tiptoed around the bed to turn the monitor off and crept out of the bedroom, making his way to the twins' nursery.

When he entered the room, Jack was already holding himself up, standing on his two feet while grasping at the railings of the crib. Erica, seemed to be much more interested in trying to figure out if she could pull her feet behind her head. "Okay Jack. Looks like you're up first." Chandler walked over and lifted his son from the crib, which caused Jack to giggle in response. "Don't get too worked up kiddo. Let's try to stay quiet so Mom can get some sleep." He brought Jack over to the changing table and made quick work of his wet diaper; he snapped his pajamas closed and placed him back in the crib.

He turned to Erica, who was still working out sounds like, "ffff" and "shhh" while she tugged on her own feet. "Okay there Mary Lou Retton; your turn." He snatched her up and tickled at her belly to get her to let go of her feet. Chandler then crinkled up his nose and twisted his face up in disgust. "Oh. You were not a good girl last night." He laid her on the table and snapped open her onesie. Almost immediately, the stench of her dirty diaper wafted up and through his nostrils. "Oh Erica. Wow. I definitely did not order this early bird special." He took his time cleaning her, still more self-conscious when changing his daughter than he was his son. He replaced her diaper, and carefully inspected her onesie. "Okay, I'm just going to check and make sure this isn't, uh, contaminated in some way." Once he was satisfied, he put them back on her and settled her down on the floor, holding her hand. "You want to walk downstairs this morning?"

Erica looked up at him and started to stick her tongue between her lips. "fffppphhh. ennnnuuhh."

Chandler nodded at her and widened his eyes as if captivated by her words. "You don't say? Well, I think I would like to go eat some breakfast too. Should we bring Jack?"

"buuhh. ffff. buuhhh."

"Well, let's give him another chance today and if he does that again, we will see if the factory will take him back." Chandler walked Erica over towards the crib and pulled Jack up with his free hand. "Okay kids. Let's go eat."

Once downstairs, Chandler quickly settled the twins into their highchairs and spread a few cheerios on both their trays. "Don't tell your mother I didn't wipe these down first." He went over to the kitchen counter and began to work on their bottles. Quickly setting up one for each child. "Okay, Erica, you've been pretty good at doing this on your own. You want to try again?"

Erica's hands greedily reached out as she danced her fingers on the edge of the bottle her father was holding. "nnnn. guh."

"Okay. But if you make a mess, we blame it on Jack." He turned to look at Jack apologetically. "Sorry buddy. But you're cute enough to get away with it." He pulled a chair up and slid it forward so he could sit next to the twins. He held Jack's bottle up so his son could drink down his own helping of formula.

It only took a few minutes for Jack to drain the last from his bottle. Erica seemed to lose interest in her own as well, which let Chandler know they were both ready for something a little more solid. He snatched a banana from the basket in the middle of the table and looked at the centerpiece his wife had set up, shaking his head at the sheer volume of bananas she had settled there. "Guys, I will never understand your mother. She has been filling this bowl with an insane amount of food for years. Do you know, one time we had eight pineapples in here? She cooked with them so much, by the end of the week I actually turned into a didn't want to look at another pineapple ever again. You could say I was pine-appalled." He snickered to himself and looked over at the twins, who stared back at him blankly. "Oh, what do you guys know about puns." He broke the banana into a few smaller pieces, placing some in front on both his children. They immediately began to squeeze the chunks between their fingers as they shoveled it into their mouths. He took the last section of banana for himself, chewing it down as he walked over to the kitchen counter to brew some coffee.

He leaned up against the counter with his empty mug as he waited for the coffee machine to finish and he smiled to himself. He held his cup up as if he were offering up a toast to his children. "Look at us, huh guys? A year ago, we didn't even know each other, and now we're eating breakfast together. Although you're getting more of it on your faces than in your mouths. You really take after your uncle Joey, huh?" He poured out some coffee for himself and reached into a brown paper bag on the counter to pull out a plain bagel. He sat back down at the table and sipped at his coffee as he broke off tiny pieces of bagel to share between Jack and Erica.

After a quick change of clothes for the twins and a second cup of coffee for himself, the three of them made their way into the den. Jack and Erica were already moving around the room, grabbing at toys and using furniture to pull themselves up to their feet. "I have got to tell you guys, not to brag, but I am pretty good at this dad stuff. You two are fed, you're dressed and I still have over an hour before I have to leave for work." Suddenly, there was a thud as Jack pulled a framed photo down from the end table which caused it to crash onto the floor. Chandler shook his head and got up from the recliner. "Dude. You're killing me."

Chandler checked his watch on the way downstairs. He was running late. He knew he probably should have skipped breakfast with Monica, but over this last month, the two of them enjoying a meal together has become a rare occurrence; so he decided to take advantage, even if it was just a couple of toasted bagels. He looked at himself quickly in the hallway mirror, straightened his tie and ran a few fingers through his hair. He called out to Monica as he slipped his suit jacket on. "Okay, I have to run. You'll be okay?"

Monica was sitting on the floor playing with Jack while Erica was played on her own next to them. She looked up at him and smiled. "Yes. Rachel will be here later with Emma, so I'll have reinforcements."

Chandler chuckled and entered the den. "Okay. I'll see you later when I get home. Maybe we will even get five minutes together before you have to go to the restaurant."

Monica frowned as she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I know. We haven't really been on the same schedule these last few weeks." She pulled him in for a kiss, and before their lips touched, she softly whispered against his mouth. "I don't think we got to do this yet today." The two of them allowed their kiss to linger for a few extra seconds, enjoying what seemed to be a rare moment of intimacy between them.

Chandler pulled back and smiled as he felt Erica tugging on his pant leg. "You want to say goodbye too?" He bent down to pick her up and gave her a series of quick pecks along the top of her head.

Monica walked across the room to pick up Jack, bringing him over to her husband. "Okay Jack, let's say goodbye to daddy."

Chandler leaned over and placed a kiss on the top of his head. "Okay, I really have to go now." He bent down and gently put Erica back on the floor and turned to leave. "I'll call you later." Monica nodded as she nestled Jack in her arms. Chandler snatched his briefcase from the floor in the hallway and opened the front door, only to stop in his tracks and close it again. "I almost forgot." He turned around and briskly walked back into the den. He looked down at Monica's abdomen. "Goodbye to you too in there." He leaned over and placed a kiss on Monica's stomach. She chuckled and shook her head. "Okay, now I really have to go."

Chandler winced as he looked ahead at the traffic in front of him. There was no doubt about it; he was going to be late. He knew he should not have stopped for a cup of coffee at the Seven-Eleven in his neighborhood, but he was already feeling sluggish after losing an hour of sleep this morning. With a little more than an hour drive still left; he was going to require a little pick me up to stay focused.

With his car at a full stop, he reached his hand over to open the glove compartment and removed a compact disc. He held it up and smiled. He secretly bought the original cast recording of "Wicked" the same weekend that his father had gifted him the tickets to the show. He has been listening to it every time he drives into the city just to familiarize himself with the songs before they see it in a couple of weeks. Monica originally seemed underwhelmed with the gift, but now, with the pregnancy, the twins and the restaurant wearing her down, even she was looking forward to a date night in the city.

He slid the disc into the car stereo and grabbed his coffee for a quick sip when the car behind him slammed into his rear end, causing the car to jerk and sway as he kept his foot firmly on the brake. His coffee slipped from his hand, spilling all over his shirt causing him to yelp as the hot liquid made contact with his skin. Chandler looked into the rearview mirror and shook his head. "I'm so glad I stopped for coffee."

Chandler finally arrived at his office and slid his briefcase onto the floor near his desk. He looked down on his phone and saw a post-it note telling him that his boss wanted to see him when he got in. he looked down at his shirt, the coffee stain seemed bigger now than before, if that was possible. He hung his suit jacket onto the back of his chair and walked down the hall, knocking on his boss's open door. "Steve?"

"Chandler, come in." Steve gestured at the chair for Chandler to sit.

"Sorry I'm late. I don't know if you got my message."

"Yes, that's fine." Steve stopped and looked at Chandler's shirt. "Ooo. That is some stain." He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a purple shirt, still wrapped in cellophane. "I have a t-shirt here from one of our company retreats. I think it's a triple-x, but it might feel better that what you're wearing now."

Chandler took the shirt from Steve and nodded. "Thanks."

"Anyway, I wanted to make sure I saw you first. The Hanley-Stevens account decided to go in a different direction and they rejected your pitch."

Chandler looked down and shook his head. "Really?"

"Don't feel bad, this stuff happens."

"I know, I thought I really had something there. I felt really good about it."

"It was good Chandler. Sometimes these companies just go in a different direction. All that matters is that our group still has the account. They liked Dani's proposal so she will be the point person for this, but I want you to be on her team. I think she will have a meeting around three."

"Three?"

"Yes. Will that be a problem?"

Chandler thought about his plans to be home early enough to see Monica and take care of the kids, but realized that after being late to work and having his proposal turned down, he might not be able to afford skipping this first meeting. "No. That's fine. Perfect time for a meeting. If I was going to have a meeting, I would want it at three."

Steve's brow wrinkled as he looked Chandler over suspiciously. "All right then. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Never better."

Chandler changed his coffee-stained shirt in the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. The purple t-shirt he got from Steve draped over him, hanging below his knees. He studied himself with a dumbfounded look on his face. "Triple-X? This has to be, like a quintuple-X! I could use this shirt as a parachute! I look like Grimace! Even Monica in high school would have found this too big." He leaned against the sink and shook his head. "You are having a banner day, aren't you?"

Chandler grumbled to himself as he left the bathroom and walked over to the pool of cubicles where his desk was. He sat down and exhaled sharply. He took the phone in his hand and dialed home.

"Hey honey. Huh? Yeah, everything is great. How is…oh? You're helping Rachel organize magazine clippings? Wow. You must be in heaven right now. Look, uh, I am going to be late. I have to go to a meeting at three. Is there any way you can go in late? I know. I know. Can Rachel stay? Sure, I'll wait."

Chandler held the receiver to his ear and propped his head up on his hand. He decided to wait until tonight to tell Monica about the accident, figuring she already had enough on her plate today. A few weeks ago, after Doctor Lopresti officially told them they were pregnant, Chandler decided to keep anything from Monica that might cause her added stress. The last thing he wanted was to distract her from taking care of herself. He knew Monica would not be thrilled to find out he was keeping things from her, but he was certain that it was the right thing to do.

"Huh? Oh, that's great. Tell her and Ross I should be home by six. Thanks honey. Okay, I love you. Bye."

Chandler hung up the phone and stared at the photo of his wife that he had on his desk. A dejected look fell across his face. He could not shake the feeling that somehow, he was letting her down. Right when she needed to lean on him the most. The pregnancy, the doctor's appointments, the twins, the house, the restaurant, the tighter financial budget; it all seemed as if it was going to be too much. "I just need more time to figure this all out. She needs me to have all of this under control." He knew he did not want to overwhelm her with any of his own problems. "I'll just bottle all that up. I'm good at that." He decided she did not need to know about how disappointed he was to have his proposal rejected. In the grand scheme of things, how he was feeling, was not important.

On his way out of the office, Chandler slipped his suit jacket back on to try and cover the ridiculously over-sized t-shirt he had been wearing all day. He was glad to leave behind the jokes and playful jabs his coworkers were throwing at him as he walked around the office in what basically amounted to a giant purple dress. He made his way downstairs to the garage and as he walked through the auxiliary door that he used as a shortcut, he caught the sleeve of his jacket on the jagged edge of door frame, tearing a strip off as he rushed through. He stopped and inspected the large hole and shook his head. "Unbelievable."

He waved his hand dismissively at the door and walked to his car. He winced when he saw the damage that was caused by the accident he had earlier and wondered how he was going to tell Monica that the Porsche was going to need to go into the auto body repair shop for a few days. He wondered to himself if maybe he could take care of it without even letting her know. He sat down and turned the key in the ignition, only to hear the engine sputter out and fail to turn over. He tried and failed several times to start the car and finally resigned himself to banging his head against the steering wheel.

Chandler walked into his home and his shoulders sagged as he dropped his briefcase on the ground. He had no idea how relieved he would feel once he stepped into his house.

"Hey? Chandler? That you?" Ross turned the corner from the den and stopped as he looked as his disheveled friend. "Oh man, what happened to you?"

Chandler raised a weary eyebrow and took off his jacket. He held it at arm's length and twisted his face up in disgust. "Thanks to the man who thought it would be a good idea to sleep on my shoulder for half of the train ride home, this is now garbage. I think he actually drooled marinara sauce on me."

Ross pointed at the jacket and nodded. "Yeah, plus you got this big rip in it."

"I know Ross."

Ross looked him up and down. "Dude? What happened?"

"It's just been a very, very long day. How are things here?"

"Good. We actually just got Jack and Erica out of the bath. We couldn't find pajamas for them."

"That's okay. I can grab them. Can you guys hang out just a little longer? I'll check in on them and then take a fast shower."

Rachel slipped out of the kitchen and saw Chandler as he was about to ascend the stairs. "Hey." She looked at his over-sized shirt and covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. "How are you doing there, purple rain?"

Chandler mocked laughter and shook his head. "Thanks for watching the kids today. Sorry I got held up at work."

Ross patted him on the shoulder. "No problem, Barney. We did it because we love you." Ross began to sing. "Won't you say you love me too?" Rachel doubled over and laughed. Chandler turned to face the two of them on his way up the stairs, banging his hands together, signaling the Ross Geller middle finger.

Chandler's eyes opened as he felt a soft kiss against his forehead. He smiled and looked up at his wife. "Hey. I missed you."

She smiled at him as she leaned up against the arm of the chair. "Me too. How was your day?"

"Terrible. You?"

"Amazing." Chandler could not help but slump back down in his chair. "Don't pout. I have a feeling your day may end with a bang. Meet me upstairs in five minutes?"

Chandler quickly sat up straight as he flashed her a salacious smile. "Really? You sure you're up for this?"

Monica nodded her head slowly and slipped her robe open a little, revealing a thin, sheer, black nightie underneath. "Just a little preview."

Chandler jumped from his seat and she placed her hand on his chest. "Just give me five minutes." He nodded impatiently as he watched her leave.

Chandler was sure that this was the longest five minutes of his life. He made his way upstairs, certain that he might be a minute or two early. He stood outside the bedroom door and glanced over at the bathroom he had cleaned up earlier in the evening. "Worked like a charm." He swung the door open and started to frantically unbutton his shirt, but stopped in his tracks as Monica pulled the covers back. His eyes ran along the curve of her hips as the sheer, black nightie bunched up slightly along her thighs.

He was prepared to lunge at her, but paused and realized his breath smelled like a combination of coffee, day old spaghetti and the cigarette he bummed off of the tow truck operator who came and took the Porsche. "Wait! Let me brush my teeth!" He heard Monica groan as he turned around, but he knew his wife, and he knew a fresh, minty mouth would be much more enticing than what his probably tasted like at this moment. He tried to make quick work of his dental hygiene. He got held up flossing, but soon enough, he was making his way back to the bedroom when he found his wife, lying on top of the sheets, sound asleep.

"Mon? Hey, Mon?" He only response was some low snoring. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and smiled. "I should have skipped brushing my teeth." He looked her over and discovered she was not wearing anything underneath her nightie. "Oh man. You went commando?" He shook his head at the lost opportunity and then scanned the room, finding a pair of her sweat pants on the dresser. He carefully pulled them up, surprised that she did not wake up from all of the jostling he was causing, but also half-hoping that she would.

When he got her pants up around her waist, he slid her over to her side of the bed and covered her with the blanket. He finishes undressing and slipped into bed next to her, kissing her on the shoulder as he shook his head one last time. "Good night."

Chandler felt his wife's hands on him, shaking him awake. He rolled over to face her and began to rub his eyes as he heard her speaking in a hushed tone. "Why do people whisper when they are trying to wake somebody up? It doesn't make it any more pleasant."

"What happened?"

"When I got back from the bathroom you were out cold."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I tried. If I didn't see you breathing, I would have sworn you were dead. I wasn't exactly gentle when I put those sweatpants on you." Monica looked down at herself again and huffed out a chuckle. "Don't worry about it. You had a long day."

Chandler went to roll over again, but was stopped in his motions when Monica placed her hand on his shoulder. She reached down and began to yank her pants off. "Don't fall asleep on me now mister. You and I are going to wake up and do this right!"

Monica threw herself on top of him, eliciting a surprised groan from her husband. She kissed at his neck and worked her way down his chest and Chandler could only smile and think about earlier this morning, wondering again how he got so lucky to have this woman fall in love with him.

A/N – In case it isn't clear, this is the flip side to the last chapter. "Monica's Perfect Day"

I actually took the car accident, the stained shirt, and the giant purple shirt all from one totally awesome day. It was fun to go to three meetings in a shirt that looked like a dress.

Monica is about 11 weeks pregnant. Not sure if the timeline has been clear. We are approaching the Twins one-year birthday if that helps.

The centerpieces in Friends are insane. If you haven't noticed, try and check it out when you watch. There is a bowl that is always filled on Monica's table. I mean, no one is eating all of the bell peppers Mon! No one!