Dizzy Spells

"Can you believe that this weekend the twins will be one? I feel like this whole year has gone by so fast."

"Really? I feel like I can't remember a time when we didn't have two babies filling up diapers ten times a day. That's ten times each. Twenty dirty diapers a day. That's inhumane."

Monica chuckles and looks out the passenger window, letting her eyes run along the houses as they drive through their quiet Westchester neighborhood. "Do you think we should try to make friends with more of our neighbors? So far the only one's we know are John and Millie across the street and you hate them."

"I don't hate them. I just don't particularly like them."

"What's the difference?"

"I don't know." Chandler shrugs his shoulders and smirks. "Why do we need new friends anyway? Don't we have enough? I mean, I was going to talk to you about maybe seeing if we could drop one or two of them from the rotation."

Monica huffs and rolls her eyes. "Chandler. I'm being serious. Jack, Erica and little baby Bing are going to be growing up here. Shouldn't we try to meet some of the other parents on the block?"

"We tried that. Or do you not remember the Toddler Time Gymnastics Incident. I'm pretty sure they have your picture on the wall so they know not to let you back in again."

Monica narrows her eyes at her husband and grumbles under her breath. "Think about it. Saturday we are having a birthday party for the twins on Saturday and we aren't inviting anybody from the neighborhood."

Chandler mocks a shocked gasp. Monica shakes her head and pulls her arm back, threatening to slap him on the shoulder. "Don't do it."

Monica purses her lips and folds her arms. "I think we should have an informal barbeque next weekend. Invite the neighbors. Knock on some doors. Do a meet and greet. Maybe I can make some more of that candy I made a few years ago. It'll be fun!"

Chandler twists his face up in confusion. "Next weekend? But that's our getaway weekend. We're going to see Wicked and spend the night at a nice hotel."

Monica looks down and nods. "Oh. That's right."

Chandler lifts an eyebrow and glances over at her. "Come on. I thought you were excited about that. A romantic evening in the city. No babies. No restaurant."

"I am. It's just," Monica sighs and places her hand on his knee. "I'm nervous about having our first night away from Jack and Erica."

"Is that what all this getting to know the neighbors stuff is about?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. Look. Don't expect me to make a lot of sense. I am pregnant. It messes with your mind!"

Chandler reaches over, gently touches her stomach and smiles. "I know." Monica places her hand over his and their fingers interlock. She smiles and looks back out the window.

Doctor Lopresti wheels his chair back and rips off his latex gloves, tossing them into the trash can next to the counter in the examination room. "Well. Everything is looking pretty good. Baby's heartbeat is strong. Amniotic fluid looks good. You seem to be in good health. Any problems or concerns so far?"

"No. I've been feeling a lot better lately. I seem to be over the nausea but I still get very tired at times."

"Well, make sure you take it easy when you can. Drink lots of water, and just listen to your body. If you need to sit, then sit. If you need to eat, then eat. If you need to sleep, then sleep."

Monica frowns and nods. "Easier said than done."

"I know. Just try. The better you take care of yourself, the better the pregnancy will go and the better the baby will do."

Chandler rubs her arm and then winces a bit as he starts to stammer. "Hey doc. I was wondering, uh, well, is there a cut-off date for, you know. S-E-X?"

Doctor Lopresti looks up at Chandler, slightly bemused. "Why did you spell it out."

Chandler rubs his hands together nervously. "I don't know." He looks at Monica who shakes her head at him. Chandler then points at her stomach. "There's a baby in the room."

Monica raises her eyebrows and chuckles. "There is a baby in the room, unfortunately, I'm married to him."

The doctor laughs and shakes his head as he stands up. "Well, you don't have to worry about that for now. Monica, as long as you feel comfortable you guys can have intercourse as often as you want."

Monica looks over at her husband and glares at him with admonishment in her eyes., "Did you hear that Chandler. As long as I am comfortable."

"What? Why?"

Monica shakes her finger at him. "Because, for the last couple of years, you keep requesting sex in some pretty uncomfortable places."

Chandler laughs nervously and darts his eyes from his wife to the doctor and back again. "I don't think the doctor needs to know about any of that."

Monica turns to Doctor Lopresti with an exasperated look on her face. "I mean, do you know where he wants to do it?"

"Uh, I don't think I need to know."

"In the back seat of the Porsche. Do you know how small that seat is?"

Dr. Lopresti starts to walk towards the door and stammers a bit. "Uh, well, we're done here so…"

Chandler scoffs and folds his arms as he pouts. "I offered to do another one of my scarf dances for you if we did."

Monica lifts her arms in disbelief as she shakes her head. "That's not an incentive!"

"You guys know I'm not the kind of doctor that you have to talk to about this kind of stuff with, right?"

Monica, fresh from a much-needed hot shower, walks into the bedroom, humming and wrapped up in a robe. She sees Chandler, propped up on a pillow and reading a book. She smiles at him as she settles down on the end of the bed. She loosens the sash on her robe slightly to expose her legs and opens up a small container of moisturizer. She begins to rub it into her skin; slowly lifting each leg up as she spreads the creamy lotion from her calves up to her thighs. Her robe slips down and exposes her shoulder. Before she can reach over to fix it, she hears a thud from behind her.

She looks over her shoulder and narrows her eyes playfully. Chandler is staring at her, slack-jawed. His book now on the floor as his eyes go wide as if he has become hypnotized by his wife's nightly routine. "Can I help you?"

Chandler shakes his head to snap out of his trance and allows a salacious smile to spread across his lips. "I think the real question is; can I help you?"

Monica turns her attention back to her task and shakes her head, hiding the bashful smile that instantly appears on her face. "Oh, I don't know. I'm almost done here."

"Yeah, but, uh, don't you need to rub that somewhere else besides your legs?"

"Maybe."

"How, uh, comfortable do you feel tonight?"

Monica can't help but laugh as she looks up at the ceiling and turns her head quickly, causing her hair to tussle around on her shoulders. "Oh, I am very comfortable right now."

Chandler takes his glasses off and places them on the bedside table. He bounces on the bed, giddy with excitement. "Okay great!"

"But no scarf dance!"

"Chandler? Did you pick up the ice from the restaurant or should I call someone to drop it off?"

Chandler leans back in his chair at the kitchen table so he can be seen from the stairway when Monica reaches the bottom step. "Actually, Ross and Rachel are on their way and he is going to stop there and pick some up."

"Okay, good. So, the one job I gave you for the party, you delegated to my brother."

"I know. Pretty smart right?"

Monica huffs and steps into the kitchen. She begins to speak softly, almost mumbling to herself. "Cake, check. Cheese tray, check. Bread, check."

"You know honey, nobody likes it when you do that."

Monica shoots Chandler a stern look from over her shoulder and then returns her attention to the items spread about the kitchen counter. "I just want to go over everything one more time before Jack and Erica wake up."

"I know. They told me before their nap that if everything wasn't just right, they were going to leave and let all the other one-year old babies know how terrible the party was. That'll really hurt our Zagat rating."

"Are you going to do any actual work or are you going to make bad jokes all day?"

"Probably a little bit of both."

Monica scoffs and grabs a tray of melon. "Here, why don't you cut these up into smaller chunks." She starts to walk over towards the table and stops as she becomes wobbly and her knees buckle.

"Woah!" Chandler leaps up from his chair and wraps his arm around her waist, leaning her weight onto his body as he takes the tray and places it on the table. "Hey, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah." Monica leans over and places her hand on her head. "Yeah, I just got dizzy for a moment. I just need a minute."

"You have been working yourself too hard for this party. I think you should sit for a little while and have some water. Come on." Chandler begins to lead Monica out of the kitchen.

"But there is still so much to do."

"I'll do it. Just tell me what to do and lower your expectations on how well it will get done. When Ross and Rachel get here, they'll help out too."

Monica thinks about protesting once more, but relents and lets Chandler lead her into the den. She settles down on the couch and leans her head back. "Okay. Just for a few minutes."

"Will you guys stop? I'm fine!"

Rachel walks by carrying a tray of food. "Mon, we just want to help."

"That's not true. You guys never want to help."

"Okay. Well, we just want to help right now. I know what it's like, one minute you feel fine, the next minute you don't. It can sneak up on you."

"That was almost an hour ago."

Ross walks towards the back door and chuckles with a cooler filled with crushed ice. "Rach, take it from me. You will never convince Mon that she needs help."

"That's not true."

Chandler steps into the kitchen, grabs some plates that were stacked on the table, and then turns to walk back out. "Yes, it is. Last week you wouldn't let me get the serving tray from the top shelf in the cabinet. You can't even reach that shelf when you're standing on a chair."

"I can if I'm wearing heels, smart guy." Chandler shakes his head as he exits the kitchen. "I'm telling you guys, I'm fine."

Rachel suppresses a smile and looks down. "Look, Mon; you just keep telling us what to do, and we'll do it."

Before Monica can answer back, the phone rings. "I'll get it." Chandler steps back into the kitchen, snatching the receiver from the wall. "Hello. Dani? Hi. What? Yeah, I think I have a copy of that. Sure. Do you want me to, oh, okay. You're in the area. Okay. Then, I'll see you in a little while."

Monica tilts her head and furrows her brow. "Honey? Who was that?"

"Dani. From work. There's some data sheets and demo breakdowns in the paperwork I brought home yesterday. Dani most have forgotten it at the office and needs to borrow mine."

Ross takes a sip of beer and then nods at Chandler. "Oh, was that the project you were telling me about the other day that got you all bummed out. The one they passed you over with?"

Chandler grouses under his breath and grinds his teeth angrily. "Yes Ross. Funny you remember that but not the 'don't tell Monica' part."

"Oh dude. I'm so sorry."

Monica whips her head back and forth between Ross and Chandler. "What do you mean 'don't tell Monica'?"

Chandler walks over to Monica and puts his hands on her hips. "It's nothing. Really. There was this new client that turned down my proposal."

Monica looks over at her brother and then back to her husband. "Well obviously it wasn't nothing if you told Ross about it."

"I worked really hard on it and I guess I was feeling pretty lousy about it, but I'm fine now. They took someone else's idea and I'm working on their team. No big deal."

Monica puts her hands on his chest and shakes her head. "Chandler. If something is bothering you, I don't want you to keep it from me."

"You have so much going on. I don't want to add any stress."

"Telling Ross that something is bothering you and not telling your wife stresses me out." Monica's features soften as she pulls Chandler over towards the table to sit down. "Honey. If there is anyone you should feel you can come to when you are not happy, it should be me. Just like I go to you whenever something is bothering me. I can't have that change just because I'm pregnant or because I'm dealing with something at the restaurant."

Chandler looks down and nods. "Yeah. I guess."

"There's always going to be something going on. Soon enough we will have three kids running around here. I think it is very sweet that you want to take care of me, but we can't stop talking to each other about things like that. Okay?"

Chandler looks up and smiles. "Okay."

Monica leans in and places a soft kiss on his lips. "All right. So Danny is coming by today to pick up this paperwork?"

"Yeah. She should be here in about a half-hour."

Monica sits up straight and cocks one eyebrow. "She? Dani is a girl?"

"Yeah. Danielle. I didn't mention that?"

"Uh, no. You didn't mention that. So, You'll be working with this Dani chick while I get all big and fat?"

"Honey. You're not going to get big and fat for at least a couple of months. By then, I probably won't be working on this project anymore."

Ross looks down and shakes his head. "That was not the right answer."

Chandler rolls his eyes and then takes Monica's hand in his. "Honey. You know there's nothing to worry about, right?"

Monica reluctantly nods. "Yeah, I know."

"I mean, unless you think you're going to get really big and fat." Monica breathes in sharply and slaps Chandler on the chest. She gets up and storms out of the room. Chandler chuckles to himself as he hops up from his chair to follow her. "What? I thought we were still sharing all our feelings."