Love, Hope, Freckles and Sorrow

Chandler looked up and stared at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling of the waiting room as he sat forward in his chair. He strained his eyes as he tried to fixate his gaze almost directly above his head. He wondered how long he could do this without blinking. Then, as if on cue, his eyeballs started to feel as if they were becoming itchy and he realized that, if he did not blink, they would either crust over and dry out or begin to water and tear up. He hesitated for a moment but then resigned himself to lowering his gaze to the floor, allowing him to close his eyes.

He decided to keep his eyes closed for a few moments, hoping it would help him quiet his worried mind. Instead, he felt as if he were being transported out of the hospital and into the past. Images played inside his head in reverse. He thought that maybe his subconscious was trying to erase the image of Monica's pale, sweaty body being wheeled through the entrance of the emergency room. Her eyes closed and her breathing labored. She seemed so lifeless and not at all like the woman he has known. That woman looked nothing like the one who was dancing around in his head, jumping from memory to memory.

He remembers so clearly sitting in his chair and sulking in his apartment. He does not recognize this person he once was. Obnoxiously moody and malcontent. Self-pity always painted him in the worst color. Mercifully, there was a knock on his door and he had to get up, even though he still managed to angrily stomp over to answer it, ready to send whoever it was away.

And then there she was, standing there in his doorway with a turkey on her head. An actual turkey. The memory so powerful that he could still smell it. The lengths that this woman would go through for him, the patience and understanding she exhibited when what he probably deserved instead was a smack on the head. She looked ridiculous, and she did it all for him.

"I bet this will work."

In that moment, while she shimmied her perfect body around in his kitchen, he could not help but laugh. This unfamiliar warmth spread over his entire being. He loved this woman. It wasn't romantic or dramatic, or some bombastic declaration, it was simply a stated fact. Irrefutable. The sky was blue. Water was wet. Chandler loved Monica.

Even as he tried to take back the words that he had blurted out, fearing he was moving too fast for her, he knew it was too late to deny it to himself. He was already head over heels in love with this woman. How foolish he was, dancing around and trying to pretend he never said it. He should have said it again and again instead of depriving himself from experiencing that intoxication he felt when she finally said it back to him. He wasted so much time being scared. The two of them, in that moment, acting like fools. Fools in love.

"Hey, why don't we go get a cup of coffee?" Chandler opened his eyes and looked up at Ross who placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Ross was the first phone call Chandler made after he spoke with the doctor. He did not have the courage to phone home and speak with Jack and Judy at that time. At least, not before testing out what he would sound like with Ross first. He was right to do so. He was a mess on the phone and could hardly string together a coherent sentence. Thankfully, Ross was fluent in decoding the mystery language of a panicked Chandler Bing. He called his father, told him what was happening, and then came to the hospital as fast as he could. Rachel had to stay home with Emma, but was going to have her mother come into the city to watch her so she could see Monica in the morning.

Chandler smiled weakly and shook his head. "No. What if the doctor comes out here to find me? What if she wakes up and I'm not here?"

Ross sighed and pointed down the hall. "Look, the coffee machine is right there. You won't miss anything. I just think you need to get up and walk around. It's been three hours. My dad is right there, if they call for you and somehow, we don't hear the nurse, he will come get us. Okay?"

Chandler looked over at Jack Geller who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Jack had shown up an hour ago. After helping put the twins to bed, he got in the Porsche and drove into the city as fast as he could. He spoke with Ross when he arrived at the hospital and then sat down on the other side of the room. Chandler tried to make eye contact with his father-in-law to see if he overhead them talking, but he never looked up. Chandler turned back to Ross and slowly nodded. "Sure. I guess if it is just for a minute."

They approached the machine and Ross took out his wallet as he studied the front of the coffee station. Chandler looked back towards the waiting room and impatiently bounced from one foot to the other. Unable to stay still.

Ross could not help but exhale out a chuckle as he put his hand on Chandler's shoulder to steady him. "Hey, she's going to be all right. You know that, right?" Chandler nodded quietly and cleared his throat. "The last we heard is they think they are getting the fever to drop. That's a good thing. Soon enough you'll be able to see her."

Chandler looked down as a dejected look fell over his face. "Yeah. If she wants me to."

Ross screwed his face up and wrinkled his brow in confusion. "What? Why wouldn't she want to see you?"

"Ross. This is all my fault."

Ross scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

Chandler began to gesticulate as he became more agitated. "I'm the one who got her pregnant. I should have known that something could happen. I should have asked more questions when we first saw the doctor. I should have made less jokes."

Ross shook his head and flashed his friend a sympathetic smile. "Chandler. Stop. This isn't on you. It isn't anyone's fault."

"Well, it feels that way. Now you and your dad probably wish Monica and I never met. He won't even look at me. He is probably furious with me. This is why I ran away the night before the wedding. I knew I would let her down."

"Chandler. Will you stop? You are the best thing that ever happened to her. Do you know that? Before you, Mon, well, I don't think she was in a good place. In all my life I've never seen her as happy as she has been with you."

He nods. "I just…I'm scared. She needs to get better and wake up. I can't lose her you know? Everything that is good in my life is because of her."

Ross looks down and mumbled under his breath. "Well, I did introduce you two. I probably deserve some credit."

Chandler smirked, and for the first time his sullen expression seems to disappear. He huffed out a chuckle. "Just buy the coffee."

Ross smiled as he placed some money in the coffee machine and began pressing buttons. Chandler shook his head and let one more chuckle escape from his lips as he looked down the hallway. Without warning, his mind shuffled back into the past again.

He was standing in the nursery at the new house with his hands on his hips admiring the wall he had just painted. He felt good about himself today. He placed drop clothes throughout the room to ensure the carpet stayed clean. He found the can of deep blue paint, the rollers, and the pan in the basement. He almost felt like an actual man, like the ones you would see on television in those home repair shows.

They were making good progress in the house. Even though Erica had not given birth yet, Monica had them working double time to get the house ready. She desperately wanted to make sure the baby's room would be ready in time. He knew she would be pleasantly surprised that he got all of this done on his own before she showed up to help.

"Oh no. what did you do?" Chandler turned to face her as he was snapped out of his thoughts.

"I thought I would surprise you and paint the nursery."

"You used the wrong color! Why didn't you use the paint cans I marked for the nursery?"

"I did. These have a big N on them."

"That's not an N. That's an H. This was for the hallway!"

"Wow. You really have to work on your penmanship."

"Chandler, this isn't funny. What are we going to do?"

"Well, why not keep it like this? It's a nice color."

"Because this is the color for the hallway. If we use it in here, then we have to find something different for out there and then it throws my entire color scheme off! This is why you aren't allowed to be here by yourself."

"What?"

"Seriously, sometimes I feel like I already have a child."

"Oh yeah? Well if I am a child then I might as well do this." Chandler was not often brave enough to test his wife's patience, but sometimes, he could not help himself. As she stood there with her hands on her hips, he lifted the brush and slapped it against his arm causing blue paint to travel across the room and splatter all over her.

She fumed and looked down at herself, her overalls now covered in paint, she lifted a finger to wipe some of the paint from her face. "You are dead meat!" Monica grabbed the roller from the tray and charged at him, intent on covering him in blue paint.

Chandler would only stop hopping around long enough to jab at her with his brush, getting paint up and down her arms. She finally cornered him and ran the roller over his chest, covering his shirt and neck. Before she could come back for a second coat, he snatched her wrists in his hands and she started to laugh.

This was his Monica. The one who could let loose at times and actually have fun making a mess. This one who could get swept up in their particular brand of childish antics that none of their other friends would ever understand. He reached up and cupped her face with a paint covered hand and pulled her down to the floor. The two of them kissing each other roughly and pulling at each other's clothes.

"How you holding up son?"

Chandler jumped back in his seat as Jack sat down next to him and patted him on the leg. "Huh? Oh, okay, I guess. I just wish we knew something new."

Jack nodded as a sullen expression fell over his face. "I know."

Chandler joined his father-in-law in his melancholy for a moment but then straightened up. "Oh, if you talk to Judy again tonight, please thank her staying with Jack and Erica."

"Don't worry about it. You just focus on what is going on here. You take care of Monica."

Chandler smiled back at Jack weakly. "Yes sir."

Jack paused for a moment and looked at his son-in-law. "You know, she is going to be okay."

Chandler nodded again in agreement. "She's the strongest person I know."

Jack bobbed his head up and down, but then quickly shook his head side to side. "I know, but that isn't what I mean. She is going to be okay because she has you."

Chandler looked over at Jack, confused by his words. "What?"

"Son, listen. Monica has had a lot of boyfriends. I mean, a lot."

"Okay. That doesn't really help."

Jack chuckled and then quickly composed himself. "I'm sorry. What I mean is, you're the only one I met that I knew was going to put her first. You adore her. I know I don't have to worry about her because you will take care of her."

Chandler snorted a bit and nodded. "Normally she's the one taking care of me."

"Well, now it is your turn. I know you will do fine. She's your whole world. Just like those two kids you have back home. I see it every time we are all together. You've always done right by her and I'm really proud to call you my son-in-law."

Chandler could not help but smile. "Wow. I don't know if anyone's ever been proud of me before. Thanks."

Jack patted Chandler on the knee one more time and then got up to walk across the room and join Ross at the vending machine.

"Honey, I really am so proud of you." Monica slid into bed and pulled the blanket up over her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around Chandler.

He turned over so she could lay on his chest and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah? I mean, it is only a junior copywriter position. It still won't pay as much as my old job."

"Of course, I'm proud of you. Look at what you did. You got this job and you have zero experience. You don't even have a degree in the field. Do you know how special that is?"

"I guess so."

"I'm just glad you finally got to hear someone else tell you. I get the feeling when I say it to you, it falls on deaf ears."

"Tell me what?"

"Tell you how special you are."

Chandler could not help but smile. No one had ever felt that way about him until Monica. "Really?"

Monica huffed out a cocky chuckle. "You get to sleep with me, don't you."

"I've known you for a long time, I'm not sure if that is as exclusive of a club as you think it is."

Monica reached over and pinched at his chest, squeezing him where his third nipple used to be, causing him to yelp in pain. "It's exclusive now. Do you want it to stay that way?"

Chandler rubbed his chest and clicked his tongue. "Wow, you are really dangerous." He lifted her head slightly and began to place soft kisses along her temple.

Monica hummed in response. "You worked really hard for this, and I know how much it means to you. It makes me really happy that you are finally excited about your job."

"Well, you did have a lot to do with it."

"I know."

"Anyway, right now I'm excited about what we are going to be doing for the rest of the night."

"Really? The rest of the night?"

"Or for the next fifteen minutes. Whichever comes first."

"Hey, I'm going to go talk to the nurse and see if I can get any new information. I am a doctor too you know."

Chandler looked up at Ross who was standing above him and flashed a skeptical look at him. "Yeah. Maybe tell them about homo erectus. That should grease the wheels."

Ross, already walking away, turned around to nod and give Chandler a thumb's up.

Phoebe leaned over and placed her hand on Chandler's arm. "Hey. So, how are you doing?"

"I really wish people would stop asking me that. I'm not the one who got sick." He winced and shot Phoebe an apologetic look. "Sorry. I'm okay. You sure you don't want to go home and get some rest?"

"No way. I am not leaving until we know she is okay. Mike has little Fee-Bea and he is off all day tomorrow and has plenty of formula for her. I am staying here all night if I have to."

Chandler nodded and looked back down at the floor. "Okay, but you don't have to stay. We can call you when she wakes up."

"Are you kidding me? She would stay if it was one of us. She was there when I had the triplets. She stayed when Rachel had Emma. No sir. I am staying right here."

Chandler smiled and patted Phoebe on the knee. "Thanks. You're right. Funny, I almost forgot all about the time we were all here for Rachel."

"I really do want a baby."

"You've said that a few times tonight. Its why we're in here."

"I know. I just want to make sure you know."

"I know." Chandler ran a finger down her neckline and gently massaged her around her clavicle. "I hope the baby gets your freckles."

Monica smiled and shook her head. "I can't believe we are doing this."

"Well, we've gotten really good at it. This is going to be like the fifth or sixth time we've done it in a closet."

"Not that. This. Try to have a baby. Start a family. I'm sorry if I freaked out before. I'm not used to this. I know I should be, but I guess I keep thinking that something is going to happen."

"What do you mean?"

Monica leaned in and placed a slow kiss on Chandler's lips. She let her mouth linger on his and then pulled back slightly. "I feel so lucky to have found you. I never thought I would ever have this. Be with someone who wants what I want. Sometimes, it doesn't feel real to me. Like any moment I'm going to wake up alone in that hotel room back in London and all of this will have just been a dream." Chandler reached over and pinched her tightly on her side. "Oww!"

"Not a dream." Monica raised her hand, mocking that she was going to strike him in retaliation. "Hey! Don't hit the father of your unborn child!" She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "Mon. This was never my dream. I never saw marriage and kids in my future. I never thought about stuff like that before. But then, well, London happened, and you happened and it was all I could think about. Us. The future. All of it. It scared me at first, you know. But now, I can't imagine my life any other way. So, if you do wake up, and this was all just a dream, and you find yourself back in London, please come to my room again. My life will not be worth living if I didn't have you."

A tear slowly ran down Monica's cheek and she wiped it and then smacked Chandler hard on the chest. "Don't say romantic things like that and make me cry when we are about to have sex on a bucket!"

"Mister Bing?"

Chandler shot up from his chair and bounced from foot to foot, unable to contain himself. "Yeah? Doc. Is there anything new?"

"Your wife is awake. She's looking for you."

Chandler covered his mouth with his hand and ran it along his chin. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. We got her fever down, we performed a D and C. She's in recovery. Why don't you follow me?"

Chandler looked around the waiting room. Phoebe was already wiping tears from her eyes and Jack nodded and raised his fist slowly in celebration. Ross snatched him up in his arms and let out a watery laugh. "See. I told you. She's okay."

Chandler slipped out from Ross's tight grasp and smiled. "Okay, I'll uh, go see her now and then I'll find out what's next. Okay?"

Ross nodded and ran his fingers quickly under his eyes to wipe away a few stray tears.

As Chandler followed the doctor through the labyrinth of hallways in the hospital, he ran his hands through his hair and tried to keep a straight face. He had no idea what condition Monica was going to be in and all he could think was that he had to be in control of his emotions. She was going to need him.

The doctor stopped and pointed. "Okay, she is right in there."

Chandler nodded in response and stepped over towards her door and stood still for a moment. He needed to prepare himself before he walked in. He needed to figure out what he was going to say.

Chandler closed the door behind him and looked down on the floor. He wondered to himself if this was really going to be it. Were they really going to follow the New York rule? Could they really throw away this amazing thing they had just found between them?

He spun around and faced her door. This can't be the end. It was too good to be over. He had to try. They had to figure out what they could be. There was no way he could go back to being the man he was before that night. No way. He just had to figure out what to say.

He was taking too much time. The moment was going to pass and he was going to look like an idiot. How long was he standing out here? Right now, it feels like it has been an eternity. He can't wait too long. He has to do something. This can't be over. He has to go back in there and tell her he doesn't want this to end. No matter what happens next, and where this leads them. It can't be over.

He looked down at his watch and realized he never set it back to New York time when they landed. He was still on London time. He was still on London time.

Chandler stepped out into the entranceway of Monica's room and saw her lying in the bed with her face turned towards the far wall. He wasn't sure if he should walk in and disturb her if she was resting. He exhaled deeply and leaned up against the frame of the doorway.

Monica turned to face him. He could tell; she had been crying, but she still smiled when she saw him, and instinctively he smiled back. She lifted her arm and reached out her hand, beckoning him to come to her. He took a deep breath and nodded as he slowly walked into the room.

He did not know what he was going to say, but he knew that he would be whatever she needed him to be. If she wanted to talk, they would talk. If she wanted him to make her feel better, he would make her feel better. And if she just needed to be quiet and sad for little while, then he would be quiet and sad for a little while with her.