In the bedroom down the hall
We fought a war where no one walked away a winner
'Cause every day you pulled a little more away
Remember?
Saw the counselors and the clinics
And the cures a mother tries
'Cause maybe they could take away that anger in your eyes

"And finally, Nicky Nichols. For sixty days sober," the lady standing on the small stage platform announced. "I'll be awarding her this chip."

Pride radiated from Nicky's expression as she bounced up the steps to the small stage. Striding across it with a grin plastered across her face, she accepted the chip with a slight nod to the two women sitting in the audience. She had been like the cat that got the cream when her cast had come off in time for walking to collect her chip.

Red beamed back with pride of her own. She was bursting with it; just like she had been at her boys' graduations, just like she had been when she had finally managed to open her own market. Marka looked a little more reserved, and her pride was quiet, simmering under the surface - but still there nonetheless.

Nicky slipped off the stage with a spring in her step, looking out into the audience. As she did so, a round of applause rang out for everyone who had participated that morning.

"That concludes today's celebrations. We invite you to mingle and enjoy the cold buffet. Congratulations to all of our patients!"

The crowd dispersed as patients met their loved ones. Nicky quickly found Red and Marka, and proudly held out her chip for them to see. Marka took it and turned it over in her hand.

"Very nice," she remarked, raising her eyebrows. Then, lowering her voice, she said, "Though, you'd think for the price they charge, they'd at least make the chips metal instead of plastic."

Nicky rolled her eyes. "Maybe they spend more money on locks for their roof."

Marka glared at Nicky. "Not funny."

"How does it feel to be finished with your programme?" Red asked, steering the conversation back to something positive.

"It feels good," Nicky admitted. "Although I've been sober for way longer than sixty days. I still don't understand why they made me restart."

"A clean slate, I suppose," Red offered. "What happens now?"

"Well, that's actually something I've been meaning to tell you," Nicky said, her eyes shining. "I have some news."

"Some news, hm?" Red raised her eyebrows as a waiter offered her an hors d'oeuvre. She took it, along with a small champagne flute filled to the brim. She took a sip and her mouth puckered.

"Yeah, sorry," Nicky said as she let out a little laugh. "It's teetotal here. It's sparkling water instead of champagne."

"It's fine," Red lied, sipping away the rest. She'd been hoping for some Dutch courage to get through the rest of the day. She set it down on the buffet table next to her. "So, what's your news?"

Though Red had tried to sound enthusiastic, Nicky picked up on the low mood. "You okay?" she asked Red, reaching out to briefly touch her arm.

Red nodded. "Of course I am, milaya," she confirmed. "I'm excited for you! Now tell me, or are you going to keep me waiting even longer to hear?"

"I got a job at this charity," Nicky said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's for kids, well, teens, you know. Ones who have fallen through the cracks and have turned to drugs. The idea is that I help them through stuff. I'm really just shadowing someone for now, obviously, but Marka has worked with them before, and she said the director is pretty cool."

"I said she was professional and understanding of your situation," Marka corrected. "Which will be helpful going forward, I'm sure." Looking over Nicky's shoulder, she caught the eye of a doctor Nicky had worked with. "Excuse me, Galina - I'm just going to have a chat with Dr Fletcher. I need to ask her advice regarding our talks with Riverside. They still haven't answered my phone calls about Nicky's fall."

Red's lips pressed together. "Is that a good idea?"

Nicky's smile fell. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, you have to listen to kids telling you how badly they want to use again," Red said, as if it were a crazy idea. "Do you think you're strong enough to listen to that all day and stay sober yourself?"

"You don't think so?"

Red held up a finger. "That's not what I said."

"But you aren't saying no."

"I'm asking you what you think," Red said wearily.

A defensive look crossed Nicky's face and she folded her arms. "I think you don't think I can do it," she said, losing the look of anger and replacing it with hurt. Her voice was small when she continued, "I thought you'd be proud of me."

Red had barely put her key through the door when she heard the scurry of footsteps coming toward the door. As soon as she opened it, Tricia bounded over to her like an overexcited puppy. She seemed younger, now that she was off the street and clean. Her skin glowed, her eyes shined, and she had the energy to be a typical teenager.

"Look!" she exclaimed, gesturing around the room. "I cleaned up while you were at work. And all whilst detoxing," she said, a cheeky grin lighting up her face. "Aren't you proud of me?"

Red looked around, impressed. She had expected Tricia to do what her boys had done when she'd left them on the sofa in the morning - still be there when she returned in the evening. She nodded. "Of course I am," she replied, setting her purse down. "For much more than this. You know that, don't you?"

Tricia beamed. "Mhmm."

Red walked across the apartment, setting a pot of coffee up to brew. "Now I just have to teach you how to cook," she joked. "Then you can have dinner ready for me getting back."

"Really?" Tricia asked, unexpectedly excited by the prospect. "I've always wanted to know how to cook."

Red looked up and blinked, a smile playing on her lips. "If you want me to."

"I do!"

Red swallowed hard. "Of course I'm proud of you," she said, struggling to keep her composure. "I just want to keep you safe. That's all."

Nicky softened. "Listen, Red...I know this must be hard for you, with Tricia and all, but-"

"This isn't about her," Red snapped. "It's about you. Your mother and I have spent months trying to get you better, through mountains of shit being thrown our way. I don't want you to throw it all away for a career you never even wanted to begin with."

"I'm trying to be better," Nicky argued, pushing fistfuls of hair back against her head in frustration. "I'm trying to make something of myself."

"You already are! Just please think about this before you dive in head-first, okay?"

Nicky "Fine, but I'm not a child. I can make my own decisions. I don't need anyone's permission."

"Well, maybe if you started acting like an adult, we would treat you like one." The words flew out of Red's mouth before she had a chance to stop herself.

Nicky opened her mouth and then closed it again. Her jaw worked as she fumbled for a response from something she had never expected from Red.

"Wait, Nicky-"

"Maybe if you don't feel happy for me, you shouldn't be here celebrating." Nicky's voice was cold and there was an edge to it that she usually reserved for Marka. It was unnerving for Red to have it directed at her.

"If you feel that way," Red said unevenly. "If you're sure."

Nicky stared ahead. "I'm sure."

When Marka returned, to find Red missing, she gave Nicky a quizzical glance. "Where's Galina?" she asked, peering around.

"Red didn't feel well," she lied. "She left to go home."

"Oh no," Marka said, her brow creasing. She lowered her voice. "You don't think it was the shrimp, do you? I've had a couple of those myself…"

Nicky rolled her eyes. "I think you're good."

Once home, Red sat down on the bed in Tricia's room that, now Nicky was gone, was cold again. A lump rose in her throat as she smoothed out the comforter. A snowglobe sat in her lap, the confetti inside dancing and freefalling. This tiny box room had housed so many kids. First her boys, then Tricia, then Nicky. After Tricia, it had become somewhat of a memorial. Red had been hard pressed to even let herself look at the door. Yet Nicky had broken that down. As she sat on the bed, she was grateful for that. Instead of staring and knowing there was nothing inside, when she stepped inside, the memories had flooded back. Every late night chat, every pile of laundry lovingly folded at the foot of the bed, every sneak peek just to make sure she was okay.

Red clutched the snowglobe to her chest in one hand, her knuckles turning white. She closed her eyes, letting the memories wash over her, and grabbed fistfuls of the coverlet with her other hand. Today had been a good day, she reminded herself. Or, at least, it was supposed to be one. She'd opened her mouth and ruined it. Again.

She couldn't stop the sadness seeping in, creeping through her veins. Her teeth clamped over her lip, she tried to stop the lump in her throat turning to sobs. Her chest felt tight with emotion.

"Everything alright?" Dmitri asked tentatively, sticking his head around the door, just as Red had done countless times for Tricia. His gaze lingered on her for a moment before he continued. "I know how proud of Nicky you are, but it's okay to be sad for Tricia too, you know."

The silence in the air made him wish he hadn't said it. Hell, in the weeks, months, even years after Tricia's passing, her name never crossed his lips. He could never say it without his chin trembling. When he did mention her, Red shut it down. It was too painful, too raw for her to handle. The look on her face said it all, anyway.

Red looked up and gave a little shake of her head. "No, this is Nicky's day," she said, setting the snowglobe down on the windowsill. She watched as the snowflakes inside settled to the bottom before turning back to Dmitri. "She deserves to have the limelight."

A smile played on Dmitri's lips. "Nicky isn't lacking in limelight," he said diplomatically. "She has you all wrapped around her little finger."

Red snorted a little laugh. "You're probably right. But I fucked up today. She was pretty upset with me. Pissed, actually," she said, a little sigh punctuating her sentence.

"You said what you needed to," he said with a shrug. He didn't understand the drama. "Nicky will get over it."

Red nodded. "Yeah. I hope so. Maybe I should go talk to her. Smooth it over. I hate the thought of her going to sleep upset with me."

"No," Dmitri said. "Wait til tomorrow. It's late and you're already not happy with each other. Whatever you need to say can wait until then." Dmitri perched on the edge of the bed beside her. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking that life isn't fair," she admitted, glancing up at him. "Do you think…"

"Go on."

"Do you think that Tricia would have been okay if she'd had what Nicky had? If we could have scraped the money together to send her to rehab? Because if we had, she might have been okay. And we could have scrimped for a few months, if it would have helped...we could have pinched the pennies for a while. I would have, if I'd known." Her voice, barely there, caught in her throat. "I would have given up anything. Everything. What use is beautifully cooked meals if the people you love aren't there to share it? What use is a spare bedroom with no-one to fill it?"

Dmitri cleared his throat, fumbling for the right words; for the words that would bring his shattered wife at least a little solace. He knew that even if they'd not spent a dime for the whole time they'd had Tricia, it wouldn't have even made a dent in the bill Marka was facing for Nicky's stay. Yet he also knew that would bring her no comfort. He squeezed her hand.

"I think you did the best with what you had."

"That isn't what I asked," she said, pulling her hand away.

"I know," he murmured. "But I don't have a crystal ball, Galina. Who knows, you could have sent her to rehab and then two months later, the same thing could have happened. You have to stop torturing yourself with what-ifs. You have to stop blaming yourself for this. Tricia wouldn't want that."

"She didn't want to be six feet under, either," she said, resentment evident in her voice. She gave a long sigh and then shook her head.

"How about we go for a walk?" Dmitri suggested. "It's a mild night. It might help clear your head. We could go visit her grave."

Red shook her head. "I'm tired," she said, looking away. "My back hurts too. I don't want to stand out and look at another way I failed her."

Dmitri let out a sigh then. "Galina…"

"What?" she asked, her brow knitting. "You don't feel ashamed of that shitty cross? You don't think she deserves better than something that falls over in storms? Something that vandals rip out of the ground and stomp on?"

"Of course I do!" He bolted upright, the sudden movement making his wife jump. "I would love for her to have a marble stone, full of love notes, but she would rather we have a roof over our head! The market is quiet right now, but as soon as it picks up, we will make it our priority."

Red stayed silent, but nodded. "I'm tired, Dmitri. I'll finish up here and meet you in bed."

"Do you need anything?" he asked, a last ditch effort to connect with his wife. "I could make you tea, or-"

"I just need to be alone," she snapped.

Undeterred, he planted a kiss on her forehead, and squeezed her arm. "You know where I am," he reminded her.

She nodded. As he left, she stood up, surveying the room. When Nicky had been in it, it was easier to ignore the fugue of grief it usually caused her. They say losing someone comes in waves, and she had been treading water for years at this point. Now, though, she felt as if she were drowning. A tsunami was washing over her. She let it consume her, and sobs racked her body.

"I know she has to spread her wings, but I had to say something, didn't I? If I hadn't and she'd relapsed, I would never forgive myself…" She looked heavenward. "Did I do the right thing? I can't help you and I should have...but I can help her."

Red paused, as if waiting for a response. She'd heard of people hearing their lost loved ones after they'd passed on, but she'd never experienced it herself. The room stayed eerily quiet, and Red heaved a sigh.

Red looked over the room one final time before she snapped the light off. She couldn't bear to look at it any longer.

"Goodnight, milaya. Sleep tight."

A/N:

Hey lovelies, I hope you're all well! Sorry this update took forever. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reviewing, Juliette45, whenaspritemeetsaunicorn, wallscollide, and VeraRose19.

Stay safe.

- Star xo