Lights! Camera! Action?

"You want me to what!"

Monica stared at Joey with righteous indignation in her eyes. She was not happy. Not in the least.

Thanks to all of her efforts, everything had been going perfectly up to this moment. She willed this day into perfection. She had to. She knew that it had to be perfect. This was going to be the single most important day for Monica's restaurant "Four" since she opened its doors almost a year ago. The exposure that Joey's show would provide her little bistro could determine if she was going to be a lasting success or if she would be another in a long line of businesses that crashed and faded away, disappearing from Main Street U.S.A. forever.

She and her restaurant manager Geoffrey were planning this day out for months. They had studied the trends of similar restaurants in the area, and in comparing Four to her competition, she knew that the numbers were not good. Her revenues had been in steady decline and they were set to end their first year in business with a bigger loss than they had forecasted. Even though her benefactor, Nora Bing, was not putting any pressure on Monica to succeed, she was putting enough of it on herself for the both of them.

The thought of Four possibly failing would have been enough to send her into a panic for most of the winter if Joey hadn't offered to shoot an episode of his Food Network show there. Ever since that wonderful surprise last Thanksgiving, she had been counting down the weeks until this day arrived. Between that and everything she and Chandler had been doing in their attempts to adopt a third child, she had very little time to devote to a meltdown over her sales.

It also helped that Geoffrey had gotten some information and data from the other restaurants that Joey's show had filmed at; most of them saw an immediate impact right after the episode they were featured in aired. Unfortunately, more than half of them also saw a decline after their initial bump. Monica was determined that wouldn't happen to Four. That it wouldn't happen to her. She was going to reestablish her foothold in this town, and do whatever she could to keep at least seventy percent of her increased customer base, even though Geoffrey told her that she only needed to keep fifty percent to actually turn a profit in year two. Monica wouldn't hear it. Fifty percent was losing as far as she was concerned.

She made sure that she arrived at the restaurant before eight. She cleaned the entire place from top to bottom, even though she had already ensured that it was spotless the night before. She hung some new artwork and set up fresh flowers as centerpieces on each table. Once she was satisfied with the aesthetics of her dining area, she took a quick inventory of the stock room and walk-in refrigerator. She then took time to go over her recipes for the dishes she was going make on Joey's show, even though she had already memorized exactly how she would present each one. She knew she had to make sure that her food looked unique, but were also not too intimidating to the casual diner, and more importantly, something that wouldn't scare off Joey. She still remembers the time she tried to serve him escargots à la bourguignonne and how he ran from her apartment in terror once he discovered that he was eating snails.

Her first course was going to be the mac and cheese empanadas with white truffle oil. It was Chandler's favorite thing on her entire menu, and she knew Joey would love it as well. It was basically her version of fancy fried stuff with cheese, his absolute favorite. Then she was going to bring out the salad which would have sliced tomatoes, mixed greens, feta cheese, goat cheese, pesto and caramelized onions. She was going to put a few pieces of thinly sliced hanger steak on top, to fool Joey into eating it. Thanks to years of experience at feeding him, she knew that the only way to get him to eat anything green without a complaint, was to make sure there was meat on it. For the main dish she was going to prepare her fried chicken with prosciutto and melted provolone, served with a creamy yellow chili sauce, cilantro chimichurri and pickled onions. Finally, for dessert, she was going to bring out her fried Oreo cookies with raspberry sauce. Joey was probably going to die right there in the restaurant from food induced ecstasy in front of all the cameras. She couldn't wait. She knew once the show aired, everyone who saw it was going to want to come to her restaurant to see the super chef in action. She wondered if maybe it would make the papers too.

With the restaurant clean and the menu set, Monica's next objective was winning over the crew. When they showed up, she had hot coffee ready and freshly made croissants with a spread laid out to appeal to anyone's pallet. There was swiss cheese and ham, sliced apples and pears, cinnamon butter, almonds, pastry cream, chocolate ganache, and a mixed berry sauce. As she predicted, it was an instant hit. She could practically hear their squeals of delight as they laid eyes on what she had prepared for them. They all ate before setting up, and Monica used that time to get to know everyone. They were effusive with their compliments. Each one telling her that this was their favorite shoot they had ever been on. As far as Monica was concerned, this was the best morning ever.

When it came time to set up for some establishing shots and recording B roll, she had built such a strong rapport with everyone, that they listened to her advice when she told them where they should set up their cameras. She pointed out all of the natural light coming in the large picture window in the front of the lobby and how perfect it would look to film the menu on one of her beautifully decorated tables. She ran through her menu with the producers and the director had his lighting and audio technicians in the kitchen, where she could hear their shock and awe at how clean everything was. She felt like it was a dream. Monica Geller, soon to be TV star thanks to her spotless floors!

But then Joey showed up, and he opened his mouth, and he had to ruin everything.

"Come on Monica. I really need your help here. If you can make me look really good in front of her father, then we can tell him about us when we get back to L.A." Joey was pleading with his hands as he stood before her, imploring her with his entire body for help.

Monica folded her arms in an attempt to appear stoic in her disapproval. "Joey. Why now? Why today? This is really important for the restaurant."

"Mon, you don't have to worry about that. You know I am going to rave about your food. Even if I don't like it."

Monica's eyes went wide with indignation. "What do you mean? Are you saying you don't like my food?'"

"No! No! Of course, I like your food. I love your food. I'm just saying if I don't like this food. I'll act like I do. Watch." Joey closed his eyes as a blissful expression fell across his face and he began to rub his belly.

Monica slapped him on the arm. "Fine. I'll talk you up to her father." Monica looked around the room. "Which one is she?"

Joey pointed at a young woman, who looked to be ten years younger than him, which caused Monica to roll her eyes almost immediately. She had long, flowing, honey blonde hair and a tight figure. She dressed casually in dark jeans and a white button-down top that was untucked in the back. She was filling out some paperwork on a clipboard she was holding while she directed some members of the crew around the room to collect equipment.

"Her?"

Joey let a smile spread across his lips. "Yeah. Her."

"Wow. Not bad. So, uh, did you meet her in high school?"

"What?"

"She looks like she's twenty!"

"I know she's a little younger than me, but I really like her. Plus, she's hot. And, she's younger than me, which means, she'll stay hot for longer."

Monica shuddered and quickly dismissed her aggravation at his shallow observation. She then looked at the woman one more time and tilted her head. "Huh. You know, she kind of looks like Rachel."

'What? No." Joey looked at his girlfriend one more time. "Definitely not. She looks like Erin."

"Who's Erin?"

"She is. That's her name."

Monica rolled her eyes as she shook her head.

"Mon, you know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't a big deal for me. I never ask you to do stuff like this. Ever."

"Yes, you do!"

"What? Name one time!"

"What about the time you had me go with you on that double-date with Angela and Bob."

"Who?"

"Who! The guy you told me was her brother but was actually her boyfriend!"

"What are you talking about?"

"It was like, twelve years ago."

"Joey shook his head. "Why are you bringing up the past now?"

Monica huffed. "I swear Tribbiani, if I didn't need the exposure from your show today, I would…" Monica, unable to form her thoughts with words, simply raised her hands up as if she were going to choke him.

Joey stepped back and flashed her a fearful expression, but then smiled and tried to turn his eyes up; pleading with her wordlessly, looking like a puppy.

Monica let out one last grunt and shook her head. "Fine. I'll help you."

Joey held up a piece of fried chicken and smiled as he looked up at the camera. "Monica, I have to say, this chicken is amazing. It's the best chicken I ever had."

Monica allowed a smug smirk to flash on her lips. "Thanks Joe. It's one of our more popular dinners. People can't get enough of it."

Joey took another bite and let out a moan of pleasure. "I could eat this all day."

"I knew you'd like it."

"No, really, do you have any more of it?"

"Uh…"

The director raised his hand and yelled "Cut!" giving Joey a moment to swallow his food.

"We just need a few minutes to reset the camera in the back for dessert."

Joey nodded as he wiped his mouth. "Sounds good Mike."

The producer walked over and reached out to shake Monica's hand. "This is going well Monica. Your food looks great, very photogenic. And the camera really loves you."

Monica gave off a bashful smile and shrunk into her shoulders. "Oh, really? Thanks Wayne. I guess I just have a glow about me when I'm on TV."

Joey nodded. "Of course the camera loves you, Mon. You're hot."

Joey's demeanor became nervous as he caught Wayne, who raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. He turned his head towards Monica and put his arm around her. "I mean, I can say that because we used to date, right?"

Monica's eyes flashed confusion and she squinted at Joey, trying to understand what he was talking about. "What?"

"I'm just glad this isn't awkward."

Monica pointed out towards the cameras set up about the lobby of the restaurant. "Uh, being on camera? I guess it's a little…"

Joey laughed as he cut her off. "No, not that. Being so close to me after I had to reject you."

"What?"

Joey gestured with his head towards Wayne. "You know, how you and I dated and you thought I was such a good and responsible guy that you wanted to raise the twins with me."

"What!"

He turned to look over at his producer. ""Sadly though, I had to turn you down, I couldn't do that to Chandler. Because I'm also very loyal."

Monica wriggled out of Joey's grasp and turned to face him. "What!"

"Uh, I couldn't do that to you either, because of how much I respect women."

Monica grit her teeth and tried to hold back her frustration. "Joey, I don't think that is how it happened."

"Sure it is. You told me you always wanted your children to be brought up by a celebrity. As much as I think you and I would have been great together, I had to do the responsible thing."

A woman's voice cut through the air, causing both Joey and Monica to turn. Erin angrily called out "Joey!" as she stormed over towards him.

Joe began to nervously run his eyes around the room. "Hey, uh, what's up lady I work with?"

Erin pointed at Monica. "What's going on here? Did you two date? Is this why you wanted to shoot here? Are you not over her?"

"What? No. I'm not even attracted to Monica."

Monica's eyes flared up as she shoved her hands onto Joey's chest. "What!"

Joey, Monica and Erin began to overlap their voices as they shouted at each other. Wayne closed his eyes and pinched the edge of his nose as he counted to three internally. He raised his hands in the air, gesturing for everyone to calm down.

"What is going on here?"

Monica waved her hands in surrender. "Enough! I can't take this anymore." She turned to face Wayne. "Joey is dating your daughter and thought that ridiculous story would somehow win you over because he wanted to impress you and make sure you approved of him."

Wayne's brow wrinkled up in confusion. "But I already know they're dating."

Joey turned to look at his producer as his eyes widened incredulously. "What?"

"I would have to be an idiot not to know about you two. You stopped sleeping with the interns. No one has complained about you hitting on them in over a year. You spend more time with her on set that you do with anyone else. I mean, if this was supposed to be a secret, you two were not good at hiding it."

Joey looked at Monica and then over to Erin. "Oh. Uh. And you're not mad."

"Joey, I'm not mad. You're a good guy. All this craziness right now aside. If anything, you being so terrible at lying actually makes me like you more."

"Oh man, that is such good news, because I was so worried. All I kept thinking about was, what am I going to do if the father of the woman I love doesn't like me."

Erin stopped and dropped her clipboard on the bar. "Wait. You love me?"

Joey turned around to look at Erin. "Well, yeah. I thought you knew that."

"How am I supposed to know if you never told me."

"Didn't you hear your dad. I don't hit on anybody at work anymore."

Monica leaned over and elbowed Joey in his ribs. "or anywhere else, right Joe."

"Right! Oh man. Yeah. Erin, I love you."

Monica watched as Joey and Erin embraced and shared a kiss. Wayne waved everyone off and called for a ten-minute break in filming, telling the director that they could reset from the kitchen and shoot the last segment in there. Monica slumped over and leaned across the bar with a dejected look on her face.

"You okay?"

Monica looked up as the director walked over to her. "What? Yeah. I just really wanted this to go well. I needed this to be special. We could use the exposure."

"Are you kidding me? I was rolling tape the whole time. We're going to edit this stuff in, and a show like this, with all the behind the scenes drama, that's going to air forever."

Monica perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, as long as Wayne approves of the final edit. The star of the show telling someone he loves them for the first time on camera? People are going to talk about this for years."

Chandler walked across the lobby and placed his hand gently on Phoebe's back. "I'm glad you guys could make it."

Phoebe nodded. "Oh yeah, we wouldn't miss this for the world." She looked around the restaurant and them back at Chandler. "Now, why are you guys having this party again?"

Chandler leaned in as he looked over at Monica. "Well, if you're near Monica, then the party is to celebrate the taping of the show. If you're standing next to Joey, then we are having a goodbye party for him since this is his last night in New York."

Phoebe nodded and Mike looked back-and-forth across the crowded restaurant between Joey and Monica.

"What if we're standing next to both of them?"

"Then you do this." Chandler grabbed a puffed pastry from the table next to him and promptly stuffed it in his mouth. "Mmpf. Mmm." He then pointed at his mouth and shrugged his shoulders.

Mike nodded and then gestured with his thumb towards the back of the restaurant. "You know, I went back in the kitchen before. Wow. Monica has this place neat and organized." He looked over at Phoebe. "Babe, we should really have Monica over to give you...uh...I mean us, some tips on organizing Fi Bea's room."

Chandler smirked. "What?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Mike is obsessed with organizing Fi Bea's bedroom."

Mike gasped as his mouth opened in disbelief. "There are toys and books all askew!"

Chandler raised an eyebrow. "Askew?"

"Yes. I spent all day labeling her bins and nothing ever goes back where it belongs."

Chandler looked at Phoebe and pointed at Mike. "Wait? You're telling me you like things neat and organized, plus, you're overly competitive?"

Mike shrugged his shoulders as Chandler started to laugh. Phoebe gave Chandler a gentle shove.

"What is so funny?"

"You married Monica."

Phoebe scoffed as she shook her head. "No I didn't. He's makes dorky jokes and dresses all preppie and likes musicals."

"So, you married me?"

Phoebe looked off as her face became stoic. "Oh no."

Mike looked over at her and put a reassuring hand on her arm. "What is it? Is it the baby?"

"No. I just realized that I married Monica and Chandler."

Mike laughed nervously, but then looked around the room until his eyes fell on Ross. "Uh, I'm not Ross though, right?"

Chandler tilted his head. "Do you like dinosaurs?"

"Not really."

"Then you aren't Ross."

"Ever since Jurassic Park came out, I could never look at them the same."

Chandler nodded. "Too scary?"

"No. When I was in eighth grade, I wrote a story about a dinosaur park. Then that movie comes out; they totally stole my idea."

"Phoebe. You might have married Ross too."

Mike paused for a moment and then reached into his jacket pocket. "Oh, Chandler; here's that tape I was telling you about."

Chandler snatched the tape from Mike and bounced from foot-to-foot. He became giddy and smiled. "Oh man! The Phantom of the Opera miniseries from 1990! With Charles Dance! I missed that when it aired. I can't believe you still have a copy."

"Oh yeah, I taped all kinds of made for TV mini-series back then. I have a whole box of them at my parent's apartment. I would watch these all the time when I was at law school." He looked at Phoebe who gave him a slightly sympathetic smile. "I wasn't very popular in college."

Joey looked across the room and watched as Mike handed Chandler a video tape. His face twisted up in a scowl as he saw Chandler start to dance in place.

"What the hell is that!"

A short man with long, dark hair looked over at Joey and took a sip of his drink. "I know. They're like best friends now."

"What?" Joey began to gesture wildly with his hands. "That's not possible. I'm Chandler's best friend."

"Hey, I'm Mike's best friend. How do you think I feel? I knew I should have watched more musicals."

"We gotta do something about this."

"I don't know. They both like Paul Williams. How do you stop something like that?"

Joey started to quickly point back-and-forth between the two of them.

"You know what we should do. We should become best friends. Give them a taste of their own medicine."

"Yeah! That's a great idea. Then they'll see what they're missing out on."

"Damn right!" Joey turned to face the other man and shook his hand with a firm grip. "My name's Joey, pal. Who are you?"

"Manny."

"Okay, so, uh, what kind of stuff do you like to do Manny?"

"Uh, I like movies."

"I like movies too! We're already getting along."

"Great. Hey, you know, tomorrow the Village East Cinema is showing all three extended cuts of the Lord of the Rings movies. You want to go?"

Joey quietly looked at Manny for what felt like an eternity with an expressionless face.

"Have you met Ross yet?"