Funny Bunnies

Jack raced across the hallway, tugging at his shirt and ripping it off as he giggled his way through the house. Chandler pursed his lips as he leaned forward and tried to follow his son's path as he scurried into the den. He then looked down at Erica, who was sitting next to him on the couch.

"That's not a good sign."

"Chandler! Where's Jack!"

Monica came rushing down the stairs and began to look around, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"I turned around for a minute just to grab the bunny outfit and he was gone."

"That was probably your first mistake. He's naked now." Chandler brought his finger up to his chin. "You know, I'm pretty sure I've seen him naked more than I've seen myself naked."

"Thanks for the deep thoughts Aristotle. Now will you help me get his clothes back on. We're supposed to be at the mall in a half-hour to take their picture with the Easter bunny."

"Oh, no, no no. I got Erica and you had Jack. That was the deal. I distinctly remember you saying to me 'how hard could it be to get him dressed'."

Monica looked at the couch in the living room and gestured towards her daughter. She was sitting quietly looking through a picture book wearing a red dress with white polka dots. She had on a pink pullover hoodie that had floppy ears attached to the hood. She looked like a little bunny, peacefully bopping her head back-and-forth.

"That's not fair. You got the easy one."

"Easy? You know Erica doesn't like wearing dresses. It took me fifteen minutes just to get that on her."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Will you just help me."

"Fine." Chandler looked over and reached his hand out. "Erica, you want to come and help us get Jack dressed?"

"No."

"Do you want to stay here and read your book?"

"No."

"Do you want to say anything other than no?"

"No."

"Do you want chocolate chip cookies for dinner?"

"Yeah."

Monica shook her head. "Nice work. You just got outsmarted by a one year old."

Chandler scoffed. "Well, in my defense…she's almost two."

Monica handed Chandler Jack's pastel blue shorts with white polka dots. "Just get these on him. I'll go get his shirt and his bunny hoodie." Monica made her way out of the living room and climbed the stairs as Chandler gingerly walked across the hall to the den.

"Hey, buddy. How about we get dressed so we can all go out and take a family photo that nobody wants to take."

"I heard that!"

Chandler winced slightly at his wife's admonishing tone. He walked into the den and looked over to see Jack, who was completely undressed except for a diaper. He was holding a block in his hands and quickly slapping it side-to-side. Chandler couldn't help but laugh. His kids seemed to take turns going through a naked phase, and once Erica got out of hers, Jack started on his. They overlapped for about two weeks, and during that time, it felt as though the minute they got one kid dressed, the other one was already taking their clothes off.

Chandler dropped to one knee. "Okay Jack, now, I don't know why your mother likes to dress us all up like bunnies, and neither one of us likes it, but she's in charge. So, why don't you come over here and let me put your shorts on."

Jack turned around and tilted his head at his father, as if he were trying to figure out if this was some sort of trick. Seemingly convinced that everything was on the up-and-up, he started to crawl towards Chandler.

"That's it, buddy. We're just going to put some shorts on. Nothing wrong with that, right? No bunny outfit here. Just a nice pair of shorts."

Just as Jack reached his father, Monica entered the room waving the hoodie. "Okay, I got it." Jack looked up, and upon seeing the offending article of clothing, quickly turned around again and stumbled back towards the other side of the room.

"I think you scared him."

"What? I didn't scare him."

Chandler gestured towards the hoodie. "Maybe that did."

"Why would this scare him."

"Well...it's pink."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Boys can wear pink."

"His grandfather certainly likes to wear pink."

Monica shook her head as she tried to suppress a smile. "Look will you just get your son over here so we can get him dressed."

"Okay, but I don't think he likes the bunny outfit."

"Everybody likes bunnies."

"I don't know if that's true."

September 2004

Chandler stood up from the couch and looked over at his father. "I just need to make this phone call. I promise to be really quick. I just need to be on this conference call with my office. I'll just be a minute."

Charles Bing looked down at his grandchildren; both looked to be entering a slumberous milk coma after their mid-afternoon bottle.

"I'll be fine."

"Okay, because they can sometimes be fussy."

"I have experience with fussy babies."

Chandler gingerly walked towards the entranceway. "All right. Monica should be home soon too. And I'll be right in the kitchen."

"Chandler, look at them. They're hardly able to move. If I can corral twelve drag queens six nights a week into a semi-successful Vegas show, I'm sure I can handle two drowsy babies."

Chandler nodded and walked away. "I'll bring you back a soda."

He tried to step quietly down the hall, half intending to not disturb his children, and half to try and hear any noise that was happening in the next room. When he entered the kitchen, he pulled the chair out so he could sit with a clear sightline down the hallway. He fiddled with the phone in his hands for a moment, and thought about blowing off the meeting. He was nervous. This was going to be the first time he left the twins alone with his father since he resurfaced in his life and moved to New York.

Chandler tried hard to come to terms with this new development in his relationship with his father. He wondered why he left Vegas. Why he was here? How long would he stay around this time?

He remembered his conversation from the night before with Monica and shook his head.

"You are going to have to trust him."

"I trust him."

"No, you don't"

"No. I don't."

"Well, do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"This is a good thing Chandler. You dad is making a real effort to be back in your life. You have to give him a chance."

Chandler hung up the phone once his conference call was over and quickly made his way back to the living room, but stopped when he heard his father's voice. He peeked in to see Charles sitting on the floor between Erica and Jack, who both looked to be asleep. He had an old, small book in his hands that he was reading from as he spoke softly.

"…and when winter comes, I watch the snow falling from the sky. Then I curl up in my hollow tree and dream about spring."

Charles looked up as he sensed his son standing there and brought his finger to his mouth, gesturing for Chandler to stay quiet. He got up and moved into the hallway.

"They started to stir a bit, so I thought maybe if I read to them, they'd fall back asleep."

"Oh, okay." Chandler looked down at the book in his father's hand. "You, uh, just carry an old Little Golden Book around with you?" He chuckled lightly and smirked. "Travel the country putting babies to sleep? Do you have a bag full of these?"

Charles looked down. "Oh, this. No. This is the only one. It, well, it was yours. I brought it here thinking maybe you wanted to keep it for the babies."

"Mine?"

"Oh yes. 'I Am A Bunny'. You carried this everywhere when you were, oh, three or four. Back then, I had to read this to you ten times a day it seemed."

Chandler looked down. "I don't remember that. You've had this all this time?"

Charles looked down and nodded. "I didn't want it to get lost. I figured, maybe you'd want to give it to your own kids one day." He lifted it up and opened it. "Look, you even wrote your name inside. I thought, maybe when the twins get old enough, you can have them write their names in there too." He handed the book to Chandler.

Chandler looked down. "I can't believe you had this for all those years."

"Well, I couldn't forget my son...uh…my son's favorite book."

Chandler looked in at his children who were sleeping peacefully in their rockers and smiled.

"Maybe it'll be their favorite too."

Monica had finished pulling the hoodie over Jack's head and started to play with the ears to try and get them to stand up straight. "Okay, I think we might finally have it." She stepped back to inspect him. "You look so handsome Jackie."

Jack, as if understanding the compliment, smiled up at his mother and reached out for her to give him a hug.

"Okay, I don't want to wrinkle your outfit, but I can't say no to a hug." Monica gave her son a gentle squeeze and they both smiled in the embrace. She pulled back and ran her hand over the top of his head. "Now let's go find your father and your sister so we can go get these Easter pictures taken."

Monica picked up Jack, who fussed a bit but then leaned into her body as she walked into the living room. She stopped at the entranceway when she saw both father and daughter leaning back on the couch with their eyes closed. Erica was letting out tiny snores as she nestled up against Chandler.

She put Jack down and shook her head as she smiled. "Now what are we going to do Jack? I can't break up something this precious."

Jack looked up at her and then back at Chandler and Erica. He stood up and stumbled over to the couch, climbing up next to his sister and sat down. He leaned against her and closed his eyes. Monica shook her head.

"How can I argue with that?"

February 2005

Monica covered her ears with her hands as her eyes went wide. She looked at Chandler and shook her head. "I am going to lose my mind. Why are they still crying?"

Chandler rocked Erica back-and-forth in his arms and he shared Monica's weary gaze and shook his head. "They keep setting each other off. I told you we should have only kept one."

Monica tightened her lips in an attempt not to react to her husband's joke and then reached down to lift Jack out of his crib. Both children were wailing away, each one seemed intent on outdoing the other.

Chandler looked down at Erica. "They can't be hungry again, can they?"

"They just had a bottle forty minutes ago. I tried giving Jack more, but he refused it. I don't know what to do. It's almost five in the morning. I'm starting to forget what quiet and sleep are like. Do you remember sleep?"

"No. I actually think sleep might be an urban legend."

Monica sat down in the rocking chair. "Jack. If you stop crying right now, I promise not to be mean to the first girl you bring to the house." She tilted her head as her lips wrinkled into a frown. "Who am I kidding. I can't promise that."

"Maybe we should split them up."

"Chandler, I already told you we are not returning one of our children."

Chandler shook his head furiously. "Not that woman! I mean, we take them to separate rooms. Maybe then, at least if we get one of them quiet, the other one won't get them started up again."

Monica nodded. "Okay. That sounds good. You take Erica because she's the loudest and I can't hear my own thoughts right now and I think my brain crawled out of my skull and moved to Canada."

"Okay. When this is all over, remind me why we did this again, because I am starting to think kids, not worth it. I mean, we could have just gotten a turtle or a goldfish. Something that doesn't make noise."

Chandler walked over to the changing table and grabbed two pacifiers from the shelf and then disappeared out of the room.

Monica began to rock Jack back-and-forth. "Okay baby. Let's settle down." She started to hum as she pressed her chin to his head. "Okay baby, that's good." She grabbed a pacifier and offered it to him. "Come on Jackie boy. I know all those new age baby books tell me I shouldn't give this to you, but books don't have ears and if and I don't see any of those snooty women who read them here right now."

Monica continued to try and offer Jack the pacifier. It seemed to be a battle of wills between mother and son. She would gently place the pacifier against his lips, he would turn his head away from it and cry, knocking it from her hand, she would catch it and try again.

"What can I do for you honey?"

Suddenly, Jack quieted down. He looked up at his mother and squirmed a bit, but then began to settle into her arms. He took the pacifier and began to suckle at it as his eyes fluttered. Monica perked her ears up, and noticed that the house seemed quiet.

"Jack, did you and your sister both stop at the same time? Does this mean you're ready to go back to sleep?"

She got up from the rocking chair and leaned over his crib. She started to gently place him down, but his face became red and he started to kick his legs as he grunted.

"Okay, okay. No crib. No crib. Mom has to pee, but she also can't put you down."

She walked out of the twin's nursery and slowly moved through the hallway until she reached her bedroom. She entered silently and looked over at the bed and saw Chandler lying down with Erica next to him. Upon seeing Monica, he quickly gestured for her to stay quiet.

"I think she's close to falling back asleep."

Monica gestured with her head towards Jack.

"He won't let me put him down and I need to use the bathroom. Can I put him in here with you?"

"Sure."

Chandler slid over towards the middle of the bed and lifted Erica up. He rested her on his stomach. She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes, still suckling on a pacifier he gave her.

Monica placed Jack next to him and Chandler wrapped his arm around him to keep him close to him on the bed. Monica walked backwards out of the bedroom as quietly as she could.

"I'll be right back to help."

Chandler looked back-and-forth as best he could between his two children. They seemed content as they looked to be drifting off to sleep. He watched them as they each sucked on pacifiers. He reached for the pacifier on the bed next to him.

"Well, if you guys are going to do it."

He placed it in his mouth and closed his eyes.

Monica walked back into the bedroom and stopped in her tracks. She smiled as she saw the first rays of sunlight coming through the window. It bathed her sleeping husband and babies in its orange glow. It was an almost magical sight, and she wanted to commit every detail to memory. Erica had lost her pacifier, but was smiling as she laid on his chest. Jack was nestled up against his body and Chandler had one hand behind his head.

She smiled at this perfect vision, and began to remove her robe so she could join them. As she started to climb into the bed, she looked closer and frowned at the pacifier in Chandler's mouth.

"I wonder what the books say about that?"

Chandler's eyes opened and he looked down to see both his children slumped up against him on the couch. He raised his arm to check his watch.

"Don't worry. I called ahead and moved our timeslot. We have about forty-five minutes before we have to leave."

He looked across the room and smiled. "Sorry, I guess she fell asleep and then I fell asleep."

"It's okay. This is still one of my favorite things to see."

"What's that?"

"You three sleeping like this. I think they only sleep this well when they're up against you like that."

Chandler looked down and smiled. "Really?"

"Really."

"So, have you just been sitting there watching us sleep?"

"I took some pictures too."

Chandler laughed. "How are we going to handle three babies?"

"How do we handler two? Plus, pretty soon, these two little bunnies aren't going to be babies anymore."

Chandler looked across at his wife and smiled. "I think they'll always be your babies."

Monica looked down and smiled. "Yeah. You're probably right."

Chandler closed his eyes again.

"They're always going to be your little bunnies."

A/N: This was something that was inspired by two pieces of artwork I saw on Twitter by archervale. They were just too adorable and I realized that not only were they the perfect inspiration for a "Mondler as parents" chapter, but that I also haven't written too many of these. I may try to write more of them, giving us little flashbacks to different times with the children which may not push the overall plot forward, but are hopefully satisfying to anyone who reads them.