Nicky slumped down onto the couch in Marka's living room, letting out a deep sigh as she sank into the plush fabric. She ached all over after a long day of work, and despite her body feeling better at finally sitting, she had an uneasiness in her mind.

It had been a tough day. A really tough day.

One kid had been found with drugs. Another came to school already drunk and threw up dangerously close to Nicky's feet. Made worse only by Natalie casually remarking on the walk to the parking lot at the end of the day 'what a good day' it had been. If that was a good day, Nicky didn't know if she could handle seeing a bad one. Truthfully she wasn't sure if she could even wake up tomorrow and face another average day in that place.

The worst part about it was, seeing those kids didn't make her think 'thank god I'm not using'. Seeing the kids begging for drugs, throwing their futures away, pleading to be told it gets better...she couldn't give them that. It didn't. She looked at those kids with track marks on their arms and imagined getting high again herself. Her body ached with the weight of her addiction and she didn't think she'd ever be able to shake it off.

With a small groan Nicky looked at her phone. She'd left Red a message on her way home from work but hadn't heard back yet. She hoped it wasn't because she hadn't spoken to Red in a while; she didn't think she would be that petty, but then she didn't think she'd freak out about her new job. She huffed when she saw no new messages or missed calls despite the fact that she hadn't let go of the thing since she'd sat down.

Meanwhile, Red watched proudly as her son wrestled with planks of wood and slowly but surely loaded the car with purchases from the thrift shop in the better part of town.

"Okay, so, you've got a plan now at least," Red said with a small smile as Vasily loaded the almost new cot into his car. "I can't believe someone just donated this. It's practically immaculate."

"Probably someone with more money than sense," he remarked. He patted the cot, catching his breath. "Lida will be pleased. She wanted a white one."

"And when you get home, don't forget to clean it well," she reminded him. "Do it before you call her. That way when she gets home, the smell from the disinfectant will have faded."

"It's a little early to put it up," Vasily said, scratching the back of his neck. "We haven't even started decorating the spare room yet. Lida says she wants a theme...I don't remember what."

"You weren't listening, more like," Red said with a roll of her eyes. "Just store it in there for now, then. You don't have to put it up for months yet. I'll send your father over to help you when the time comes."

"Did he put our cots up?" Vasily asked, opening the car door for his mama to climb in.

Red nodded as she slid into the car. It still smarted to remember; a beautiful cot that his mother had paid for, brand new and just what she had wanted... the paint chipped because Dmitri hadn't been more careful putting it together.

He'd apologized and she'd forgiven him, but she still felt a stab of rage years later when her last baby had come along and she still had to look at the chip every time she put him down for a nap.

"Yes," she said. "But tell him to be careful anyway. There's not a scratch on that cot and I'm sure Lida would prefer it stayed that way."

"I will," Vasily promised. He turned to her as he started the car engine. "Thanks for helping me with this, ma. I really appreciate it."

"It's nothing," Red insisted. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you were struggling. I should have asked. I should have known."

Vasily shook his head. "It's okay. You've been so busy. It's not your fault."

Red cupped his face. "My baby," she murmured. "You've always been so easy going. Go with the flow. That's what you used to say to me. Ma, chill out." She chuckled. "I'm never too busy for you. You know that now, right?"

Vasily nodded.

"You'll understand soon," Red said. "When the baby is born, you will. And you will be a wonderful father, Vasily. I know it. Now, remember to call me once you've sorted things with Lida. I'll come by and visit, if she doesn't mind. I want to be there for you. For you both."

Vasily reached over to squeeze his mother's hand. "I will, Ma. Thanks."

Nicky's ears pricked up as the front door opened. Marka had given Red a key and whilst she hadn't actually used it yet, hope still swelled within her that she'd decided to surprise her after work. When Marka walked through the door, that hope withered.

The disappointment was clear on her face.

"What?" Marka asked, shrugging off her coat and setting her purse down. "Are you expecting someone?"

"What? No." Nicky folded her arms and shook her head. Sometimes it felt like she couldn't help reverting back to a stroppy teenager when she talked to her mother. Something about being in the same room as her made her feel young again - and not in a good way. It made her feel small and not listened to, even when Marka was trying. Even when she knew she was being unreasonable, she couldn't always help herself. Nicky and trouble were like a moth and a flame.

"Okay," Marka said, holding her hands up defensively. "It wouldn't bother me if you were waiting for someone…"

Nicky scoffed. "That's not what you said the first time I brought someone home."

Marka sighed as she undid her scarf. She hung it up on the hook by the door methodically before turning to Nicky. "A fair point, but could you blame me? I brought your grandma back from lunch and you were 'hooking up' with your so-called study buddy. Grandma almost fainted with shock."

Nicky groaned. "Please never use the term 'hooking up' again. And what did Grandma expect when she was the one who wanted to send me to an all girls school?"

"I expect she wanted to avoid the very situation she walked into," Marka replied. She perched on a chair across from Nicky and brushed hair from her eyes. She leaned back. "What a day."

"Did your assistant not come fast enough when you clicked your fingers?"

Marka rolled her eyes. "When you have a job, you might understand a little better why I'm so tired all the time."

"I started my job today, I told you that," Nicky said, annoyed. "I bet Grandma said to you when you have a daughter, you'll understand. Wasn't that annoying to hear too?"

Marka shot Nicky a look. "What point are you trying to make here?"

"I'm sure Grandma would have asked you about your job." Red would have asked me, Nicky thought. She knew better than to say it.

"Grandma hated that I even had a job, and trust me, I treat you a lot better than she ever treated me."

A silence hung in the air whilst both women thought about what the other had said. When Marka finally broke it, relenting by asking how Nicky's first day had gone, Nicky's phone rang. She jumped up to answer it.

"Nicky," Red's voice came through and Nicky felt as if she'd finally been given water in a drought. "Is everything okay? How was your first day?"

Nicky glanced at Marka in the next room, who had by now poured herself a glass of wine and was trying hard not to look interested in the conversation her daughter was currently having.

"Thanks for asking," Nicky said, a little louder than necessary. "It was…" she hesitated.

Red had warned her that this wouldn't be an easy job. She'd cautioned her against even applying, yet now she was running to her to complain. She hated being wrong, and she hated the fact that she didn't know if she was strong enough to handle it.

"It was good," Nicky said, the lie slipping easily from her lips. "Are you busy?"

"No," Red answered honestly. "Vasily just dropped me home. Sorry I couldn't answer earlier. He was...he was having a hard time." She didn't like being vague, but he had specifically asked that she not tell anyone else about the pregnancy.

Nicky mulled it over. "That's okay. I don't expect you to drop everything to answer my calls," she answered stiffly. She would love it if Red had done exactly that, though.

"How about we meet so you can tell me all about your first day?" Red offered. Now she was talking to Nicky, guilt was beginning to ebb in. It felt as if she was spinning a thousand different plates. She was sure that they were about to come crashing down on her.

Nicky walked up to the grave, clutching a bunch of lilac freesias. As she walked she glanced at all the other headstones before she reached the spot where Red was standing. Truthfully, it freaked her out a little. She'd never liked cemeteries. They were full of old memories and regrets. The thought of so many who had come before her being underneath her feet set her mind on edge. But if this is what Red wanted, she would come. Always.

"Sorry I'm a bit late. I had to stop and get these," she said, holding up the flowers.

Red smiled as she watched Nicky set the bouquet down. She wondered, despite Nicky not being stereotypical girly, if thinking of flowers for graves was a female thing. She always did the same, yet Dmitri and the boys never thought of it. Red preferred to see the grave bright, like Tricia had always been. That way, if anyone saw the grave, despite the lack of a headstone, they would know she was loved. It was important for Red to know that people knew. That Tricia knew.

"They're beautiful," Red said, reaching down to straighten them. "I'm glad you brought them."

"I know you like keeping flowers there for her," Nicky said softly. She patted the cross awkwardly.

Red nodded, feeling a little choked up, and tried to change the subject. "Come on," she said, guiding Nicky to a small rickety bench a little ways away from the grave. It rocked as they sat on it, but Nicky was just happy to see Red's face. "Tell me how your first day was."

"It was good," Nicky said limply. Inside, she was pleased that Red had asked, just like she knew she would. To Nicky, Red was everything Marka couldn't be.

"Good?" Red asked skeptically, for the tone of Nicky's voice suggested otherwise. When Nicky's lips turned downwards, Red nodded. "Good," she repeated, a little more positive. "I'm happy to hear that."

Nicky copied the nod, swallowing hard. She despised the heavy awkwardness hanging in the air between them. Where had the easy breezy chatter gone? Why, despite her wanting to, couldn't she tell Red how she was feeling?

"Um…" Nicky started, blinking quickly and staring at her hands in her lap. She fumbled for the right words.

She didn't want to fuck up, yet again, and though she knew that Red would be understanding, she couldn't bring herself to say how overwhelmed she felt in that moment. The words stuck in her throat.

"What?" Red asked, her forehead creasing.

"How's Vasily?" Nicky managed. "You, uh, you said he was having a hard time."

Red stared at Nicky for a few seconds, trying to gauge the situation. She always felt as if she was so powerless when she knew her kids were trying to tell her something, and when the moment passed, she knew it was gone. Pushing Nicky for an answer would only push her further away.

"Yeah," Red said, still studying Nicky's face. "Well, you know, he's scared to become a dad-"

"Wait." Nicky's brow knitted. "Is Lida pregnant?"

Red met her eye. "Shit, pretend I didn't say that," she said, holding her hand to her mouth. "She's only early, and she made me promise I'd only tell family-"

"Oh."

"Hang on," Red realized what she'd said a moment too late. "I didn't mean it like that-" she started, but Nicky was already shaking her head.

"No, I get it," Nicky said, shrugging a few times in a row. "I understand. Your boys are your family. I'm…"

"Nicky-"

"Thanks for meeting me," Nicky talked over her, quickly standing and touching her arm. "I've actually got to prepare for tomorrow, but, uh, yeah. It was great seeing you." She let out a little laugh. "Don't wanna be under Ms Figueroa's wrath…"

Red stood too, but Nicky was already rushing off down the path she'd just come from. "Nicky, wait! You know I didn't mean that!"

Red watched a mess of blonde hair disappear through the gate without a second glance back. She let out a deep harsh sigh and turned back to Tricia's grave, shaking her head.

"I fucked up," Red whispered, throwing her hands up in the air. She looked heavenwards and hoped Tricia wasn't too disappointed in her for messing up yet another young girl's life. "Again."

A/N:

Thank you for reading. Thank you for reviewing, wallscollide, VeraRose19, Juliette45, whenaspritemeetsaunicorn, and Guest. I appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I think a few more chapters and this story will be done, so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see before it ends.

Hope everyone's doing okay.

- Star xo