Weeks passed and as more and more time went by with no word from Nicky, Red grew more concerned. She'd called her a few times but always got voicemail, she'd texted - she'd even figured out how to put an emoji heart on the end of the message - but still, nothing in return. Dmitri had told her to let Nicky stew and she had tried, but it had only lasted a few days before she relented again. She was beginning to wonder if she'd lost another daughter. At night in bed, when all the jobs were done and she was left only with her thoughts, she couldn't help but think of all the things she could have done differently.

Yet, when it came down to it, she really thought she had tried her best. Should she have worded that last sentence to Nicky a little better? Without doubt, she told herself, but if needed, she would keep Nicky's confidence too.

Meanwhile, Nicky had been trying to keep herself busy. Between work and attending the outpatient therapy Marka had set up, she barely had a spare second to think. It wasn't lost on her that Marka had deliberately engineered it that way, but she was doing well, so she didn't see the point in arguing about it. The day she'd gotten back from meeting Red, she'd sought out Marka. Not for comfort or reassurance, but to make a transaction.

Her heart still thudding from rushing away from Red, Nicky slammed the door behind her. She walked into the living room, her coat still buttoned, her bag still slung over her shoulder.

"I want to cash in that favor," Nicky had said, hands on her hips, a flat look on her face. When Marka didn't respond immediately, she continued, her voice harder. "You promised. Remember?"

"I remember," Marka said, finishing the sentence she was reading and setting her book down. "Why the rush?"

"No rush," Nicky said. "I just don't want you going back on what you said."

Marka frowned, a knot forming between her eyes. "Why would you think I'd go back on it? When have I gone back on my word?"

Nicky groaned inwardly. She had been hoping for a simple answer; yes, fine, do what you want would have been perfect. It had been Marka's phrase of choice when Nicky was growing up. Somewhere along the line it had changed into a concerned barrage of questions. She supposed she should be grateful, but she still prickled with annoyance.

"I didn't realise there would be an inquisition," Nicky muttered.

"One question is not an inquisition." Marka rolled her eyes. "Order it on my credit card. If there are any other charges - and I mean any, Nicky - I won't be happy."

"I know," Nicky said.

Neither one of them spoke for a moment. Silence hung in the air between them, still and palpable and yearning. They were constantly walking a tightrope; at any moment either of them could say the wrong thing and then it would all blow up in their faces, and they would have been lying if they said they weren't excruciatingly aware of it.

"Mom?"

Marka looked up in surprise at the softness of Nicky's voice, and the fact that she'd called her mom. It had been a long time. Too long. "Yes?"

Nicky cleared her throat. "Thank you for keeping your word."

Marka said nothing for a moment, and then she quickly nodded. "Well, you're welcome."

Nicky nodded this time, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "I'm gonna go and sort everything out. I'm not sure how long I'll be."

"Okay," Marka said uneasily. "Call me, though, if you're not back by dark."

Nicky sighed. She wondered when she would get her freedom back, if ever. It seemed harder to claw it back than anything else.

"I'll text you," Nicky said reluctantly.

"Don't forget."

That had been weeks ago now. Nicky hadn't set out to shut Red out, yet that seemed to have been what happened. The distance was getting harder to close with every day that passed, and so when Nicky picked up the phone, she hoped they could finally mend whatever it was that had broken between them.

"Let's go to Tricia's grave," Dmitri said as he walked in. "I think it would be good for you. For us."

"You never want to go to Tricia's grave," Red said, her hands plunged into a sinkful of dishes. She let suds drip on the countertop as she stared at him. "Is there something you need to tell me? Something bad?"

"Don't be so suspicious," he scolded her. "Why can't I want to spend time with my wife?"

"Because spending time with your wife hasn't been top of your priorities for twenty years," she said with a roll of her eyes. She set the last dish on the rack to dry and wiped her hands on her apron. "Come on. Spit it out."

"There's nothing to tell," Dmitri insisted. "It's just a beautiful day and I don't think you should spend anymore time cooped up in here. You've been depressed since you had that fight with Nicky."

"It wasn't a fight," Red insisted. "Just...a disagreement."

It hadn't even been that, really. Nicky hadn't stuck around long enough for there to be any disagreeing.

"And I'm not depressed."

"Good," Dmitri said simply, passing Red her coat. "Come with me then."

"Fine," Red grumbled. "But only because I'm curious."

It was a familiar walk. Gravel crunching underneath boots had almost become the soundtrack to her life, so many times she'd been there. But something terribly unfamiliar awaited her at the end of it. She stopped short of the spot she would normally stand in - the little patch of grass next to the grave, under the shade from the willow tree, where she could quietly talk to her girl - as soon as she saw it.

"What…?" Red couldn't form a coherent sentence. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she stepped closer. Sucking in a breath, she reached out a hand and touched it to the marble.

A beautiful headstone sat at the head of Tricia's grave, basking in the mid afternoon sunlight. Finally, a headstone that would say to others when they walked past: this girl was loved.

Red stared at the pristine headstone. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around it. Tricia's name in silver lettering on a gray stone. An angel emblazoned across the top, it looked magnificent. Just like she had wanted it to. It was exactly how she'd described it to Dmitri when she'd first died, before she knew how much they cost.

So smooth, she thought. Like her skin had been. Half expecting it to be cold to the touch, she was surprised to find that the sun had warmed it nicely. She closed her eyes, letting the sun bathe over her own skin. She'd always liked the spot that she was buried in, which had been a stroke of luck, really; it was the cheapest one available. She thought Tricia would have liked it here, in the warmth and being passed by everyone who came through. She always loved people.

She leaned against Dmitri, the weight of her grief almost too much to bear. He placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently. For decades now they'd been the only constant in each other's lives; through crossing oceans, babies being born, losing a child, sons that grew up, through every single bump in the road, they'd had each other. Life had almost killed them, but here they were...together. It meant more to her than she would ever be capable of articulating to him.

"It's beautiful," he commented, his own voice catching. "Just like she was."

"It is," Red agreed. "But we can't afford this, Dmitri. A sob rose in her throat. "I know I kept talking about it, and she deserves it, but...how? You haven't got involved in anything shady, have you? I can't lose you too. I can't take another loss, dorogoy."

"No," he said.

"Then how?"

"I made a deal with the devil," a voice said from behind them both.

Red whipped around. "Nicky," she breathed. "You did this?"

"I'll leave you two to it," Dmitri said quietly. He kissed Red's cheek and squeezed Nicky's shoulder affectionately. "I'll come back in a little bit, love."

"Okay," Red nodded absently. She turned to Nicky. "How did you do this?"

"Well…" Nicky shrugged. "When I agreed to go to rehab, I said to Marka I'd do it if she paid for this. She agreed, and we made a deal. If you don't like any part of it, I'm sorry...I just had to go on what Dmitri told me you wanted. I didn't know much about gravestones."

"I didn't either," Red admitted. "Before Tricia, I mean." She still couldn't quite comprehend it. "You did this just for me?"

"I knew how much you wanted it," Nicky said quietly, her gaze falling to the stone behind Red. "And Tricia deserved it. I know I've been shitty lately, and I'm sorry."

Red's eyes softened. She reached out for Nicky, who returned the gesture. "Thank you, Nicky...it's...it's wonderful."

Nicky looked up. "What's wrong?"

"What?" Red returned.

"Something's wrong," Nicky said, her brow knitting together. "I can tell. What is it? Is her name spelled wrong? I double checked and then checked again…" She turned to the stone and frowned, for she couldn't see anything amiss.

"It's not that," Red said. "It's just…"

She closed her eyes and wrapped her fingers tightly around Nicky's hand.

"You don't have to buy my love. You know that, don't you? That's...it's not…" She grappled for the right words and came up short. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Nicky? I will love you, no matter what."

Nicky dropped her hand. "Is that what you think this is?"

"Well, no, but -"

"I'm nothing like Marka," Nicky said, her voice suddenly much louder and higher. Her stomach knotted and she felt like the bottom had dropped from underneath her. "I'm not throwing money at a problem, I just wanted to do something nice. Fuck, I can never do anything right with you! I just wanted you to be happy!"

"Nicky, I didn't mean you were like your mother, I just meant-"

"What?" Nicky demanded. Her eyes had blurred with tears but she was doing her best not to show it. "What did you mean?"

"I meant what I said!" Red cried, exasperated. She was too old and too tired for games like this anymore. She just wanted to lay her feelings out in front of her. "I will love you no matter what."

Red could see that the words weren't sinking in. The thing about Nicky was, once you lost her, it was hard going to get her back. The walls had slammed down around her and though she was standing in front of her, she didn't know if she was even reachable at all.

"Yeah," Nicky said with a quick, short nod. "I love you too."

Relief flooded through Red's veins. "Good," she said quickly. "I mean, I'm glad...listen, why don't we put all this behind us and go out for a nice dinner? My treat. I want to thank you properly for this...Nicky?"

Nicky looked up. "Yeah. Maybe another time. I, um, I have to get to work. Some team building thing, you know. Fig's a bit of a hardass, you know. Always wanting more."

"Okay," Red said, unable to help the disappointment from creeping into her voice. "How about tomorrow?"

Nicky shrugged. "I'm working then, too."

"Oh. How about you get back to me, then? I want to catch up. I've missed you."

"Yeah, that sounds good," she said. "Anyway. I'll, um, I'll see you."

"Yeah," Red said, nodding. "See you."

She watched Nicky disappear up the path, and wished she'd just kept her mouth shut. She didn't know why it kept happening - all she did know was that with each time it happened, the distance between them grew. She turned to Tricia's grave and placed her hand on it. The sun had hidden behind clouds and this time, she was saddened to find that the stone had turned icy cold.

A little while later, Nicky scraped her hair back as she stared at the front door. It was battered and almost coming off its hinges. Certainly not the pristine door of Fig's office, as she'd claimed.

It looked way worse than the last time she'd darkened the doorway here. She knew it was probably a bad idea. She knew she should just turn back and make it up with Red. What she didn't know was why she kept running - it was almost as if she didn't want to give herself the chance to really mess it up - to irreparably break the relationship down, to push Red that little bit too far...if she kept her at arm's length, then it wouldn't hurt so badly when the inevitable happened. Because it would. It always did.

Nicky pushed down all the doubts and worries, and knocked on the door before she could change her mind.