"Nicky?" Lorna said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Nicky looked up. "I, um, I didn't really have anywhere else to go."

"Oh." Lorna pressed her lips together. "Okay. Well, do you wanna come in? I could make you a coffee. You kinda look like you need one…"

"No, I'm alright," Nicky said, blinking hard. Her hand gripped tightly around the door frame, she forced one foot in front of the other. Once she was through the door she threw herself down on Lorna's couch. She shifted to try to make herself comfortable as the springs dug into her back.

"Have you taken something?"

"No."

Lorna looked at her doubtfully. "You're saying you're sober?"

"No," Nicky hiccupped.

"You're drunk, then," Lorna conceded, sounding almost relieved as she sat down next to Nicky on the couch. She leaned back and looked at her. "Has something happened?"

"Not really," Nicky admitted. "Red just compared me to Marka. That was fun."

"So you decided to get blind drunk and come see me," she said. "That sounds smart. What did she actually say?"

"A load of bullshit," Nicky slurred. "You know, I didn't even drink that much." She hadn't had a drink in a long time and it was going straight to her head. Though she was glad she hadn't turned to hard drugs, she was beginning to feel upset with herself for giving into any vice.

"Sounds like it," Lorna said. "So Red said what, exactly? 'Oh, you're just like Marka?' I can't exactly see her saying that. Tell me about it, honey."

"She said I didn't need to buy her love," Nicky said indignantly. "I tried to do something nice, and-"

"That's all?"

Nicky nodded. "Well...yeah."

Lorna laughed. "You're too sensitive."

"What?"

"You are," Lorna said, rolling her eyes. "That wasn't even a mean comment. It doesn't even sound like it was an argument." She pinched Nicky's cheek. "You got drunk as a skunk over that. You're going soft on me, Nichols. That's nothing. You should hear the arguments me and my mama have. She threw a bottle of wine at me because I….well, it doesn't really matter."

"It didn't feel like nothing," Nicky mumbled. She leaned into Lorna, who wrapped her arm round her affectionately. "It felt shitty."

"I know," Lorna said soothingly. "But arguing never feels good, does it?"

Nicky didn't know about that. Sometimes, arguing was all she had to cling onto. When she was younger, it was the only way to get any attention. When she grew older and well into her teenage years it was a cheap thrill, a way to piss Marka off if she was particularly bored. And now...well, now, being angry was easier than being hurt.

"I guess not," she said quietly. "Maybe it wasn't so bad."

"Let me get you a cup of coffee," Lorna said. She stood and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch down. Gently pushing Nicky down, she threw the blanket over her. "Stay there. You know," she said, as she made her way to the kitchen, "I really think you should try and make up with Red. I know how much you love her."

Nicky nodded. Her head suddenly felt clearer. "I need to see her."

"You need to sleep it off," Lorna laughed. "You can stay here."

Nicky shook her head. "Will you call me a cab?"

"No," Lorna said. "If you really want to leave, I'll take you home."

"I don't wanna go home."

Lorna rested against the counter top. "Well, where do you wanna go?"

"To Red's."

It had seemed like a good idea at the time - a long soak in the bath. Dmitri had persuaded her to use up some of the fancy bubble bath, the one he'd bought her for their anniversary that had come in a glass bottle, to sit and relax with a good book. She'd sunk into the bubbles, steam rising way into the air, and had just reached for her book when…

"Galina," Dmitri hurriedly called from the front door. "Nicky's here to see you. Come quickly!"

Red had recognized something in his voice that she didn't like the sound of. As quickly as she had got in, she climbed out, wrapped a robe around her tightly, and padded out into the sitting room without even getting dressed.

She watched as Dmitri helped Nicky through the door, and Lorna offered up a little wave before heading off again. Red held her hand up in a hello for a brief moment before turning toward the scene unfolding in front of her.

"She's just tipsy," Dmitri said in her defense. "Luna said she'd just had a few."

"It's Lorna," she snapped. "And a few what, bottles?" Red let out a sigh and looked at Nicky. "How many have you had?"

Dmitri held her upright. "She's okay. Just needs to sleep it off, I think. Maybe we ought to call her mother…?"

"Don't tell Marka," Nicky begged. "You know what she'll be like."

Red eased Nicky away from Dmitri and held her up herself. Nicky leaned against Red's chest, her unruly hair tickling Red's neck.

"With good reason, it seems," Red said. "What am I supposed to do? Call her and tell her you're staying here?"

Nicky looked up at Red. "Can I?"

"Yes," Red said without hesitation. She pulled Nicky close. "You don't even have to ask. But what about Marka?"

Nicky shrugged. "I can call her."

"No, you can't," Red said. "You sound awful. You'll just worry her. Text her. I'm sure she'll call me to confirm, and I'll tell her you're fine. Or maybe I should call her first..." she let out a deep sigh at the thought of it, and at Nicky putting her in this position to begin with.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Nicky murmured against Red's chest. "I always say things I don't mean."

"Well, we all do, honey," Red said, resting her head on top of Nicky's. "I wish you'd come to me before you turned to the bottle, though. Why did you do that?" In her head, Red played back what she'd said earlier that afternoon. She could have kicked herself. Nothing she did seemed right these days. It felt as if history was repeating itself in front of her and yet she was powerless to change the outcome.

"I don't know," Nicky admitted. "I don't know why I do a lot of things. Sometimes I scare myself."

"You scare me half to death," Red said. "I won't pretend I'm not disappointed, Nicky, but I know it won't sink in tonight. So come on. Let's get you into bed and we'll talk in the morning. How about that?"

"Mhm," Nicky agreed easily. "Sounds good."

"Dmitri, get me a bowl in case she's sick."

Red snaked a hand around Nicky's waist and led her to the bedroom. She followed obediently and when Red told her to sit down on the bed, she did so.

"Let's get your shoes off," Red said with a sigh as she unlaced Nicky's boots and placed them on the floor next to the bed. "If I ever lose my marbles I hope you'd do the same for me," she said dryly.

"I would," Nicky said seriously.

"Come on. Just kick your jeans off, they're not comfortable to sleep in."

Nicky did so, and Red pulled back the covers so she could climb in.

"Try not to vomit on my sheets, hm?"

"I'll try," Nicky murmured.

Red sighed, tucked the blanket around Nicky tighter, and turned to leave. To say it had been a long day would have been an understatement. She still had Marka to call, and she was dreading that conversation.

"Wait," came from under the covers.

Red turned back. "What is it?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"Stay with you?" Red repeated, wearily crossing the room and sitting on the bed next to Nicky. She gently tucked her hair behind her ear and wiped a smudge of mascara from her cheek. "Yes. Of course."

She looked so young and vulnerable. It was bringing back memories of Tricia. The whole day had been steeped in tough flashbacks, but here and now, in Tricia's room, on her bed...it was almost unbearable. Another bundle of blonde hair and trouble who had managed to worm her way into Red's heart. Another setback. What was next? It didn't bear thinking about.

"You were doing so well," Red sighed. "What happened?"

"It's so hard," Nicky said into her pillow. "Is it gonna be like this forever? I don't wanna feel like this forever."

Red felt her stomach twist. She definitely didn't like the sound of that. Stroking Nicky's hair, she swallowed hard. "I know it's hard."

"I'm sorry," Nicky said quietly, her eyes beginning to close in the soft light coming in from under the door. "I'm really sorry."

Red looked away so that she wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. "I know that too."

"I wouldn't blame you if you gave up on me."

Red looked down. "I'm not giving up on you."

"I would have. Probably a long time ago."

Nicky closed her eyes and Red stared at the tiny purple veins on her eyelid. It didn't seem so different from staring at her babies when they were tiny. Those worries had seemed so big too. If only lack of sleep and wondering if her youngest would ever talk for himself was the worst of her worries now.

"You didn't," Red said. "You kept fighting it. Even when you feel like giving up, you have to keep going. You have so much more to do in this world, and I don't want to see a world without you in it."

"I'm trying."

Red believed that. She just didn't know if Nicky's trying was enough, and that terrified her. She'd had no doubt about Tricia; it had never, ever crossed her mind to think that she wasn't going to make it. It hadn't even entered her consciousness. With Nicky it was as if there were neon lights up everywhere, pointing at every little flaw, every sign that things were going downhill.

"Yeah." Red looked upwards, closing her own eyes for a moment. She kept on stroking Nicky's forehead. "Try to get some rest. Things will look better in the morning. They always do."

She stayed there until Nicky's breathing evened out. Then she quietly crept out of the room, closing the door behind her. She exchanged a worried glance with Dmitri before picking up the phone.

Morning light streamed through the window of Red's apartment. She awoke feeling restless. It hadn't been a good night's sleep; the opposite, in fact. Whilst she was glad Nicky had turned to her, she wasn't happy keeping it a secret from Marka. Nicky had put her in an uncomfortable position and she'd spent the night tossing and turning as she mulled it over. That was in addition to the multiple times she'd crept out of bed to check on her, terrified that she would choke on her own vomit in her sleep.

It had been enough to wake Dmitri, who slept like a log usually. Usually not a morning person, he was glad when it finally arrived and his wife rolled out of bed and he managed to grab a few extra hours. When he finally rose, Red sat at the table, her eyes glued to Nicky's door. He shuffled over to her in his slippers and placed a quick kiss on her cheek.

"She's okay," he said. "I heard her moving about in there a minute ago. I bet she'll be up and asking for breakfast in no time."

So sure of it, in fact, Dmitri shuffled to the toaster and with a yawn, put two slices of bread down to toast for her. He was right and before the toast even had a chance to pop up, she emerged.

Looking like hell and with a bird's nest for hair, but still. She stumbled over to the breakfast table, gripping it for support. Red watched her, unable to muster much sympathy.

"Good morning, sunshine," Dmitri chuckled. "I would've thought you knew your own limits. Last night proved me wrong."

He didn't see it like Red saw it. In his mind, it wasn't a break in her sobriety. Drugs and alcohol were two different ball games. His own boys had learned the hard way, too, how binge drinking wasn't a fun thing to partake in. He didn't see why Nicky was any different.

Red saw it as a slippery slope. She didn't want Nicky indulging in any temptations. She didn't want her inhibitions lowered anymore than they already were. And it was Red who Nicky was looking at as she gathered her bearings.

"Good morning," Red said evenly, watching her cross the room. The rings under her eyes seemed to suggest she'd had about as much sleep as Red had, yet every time she'd checked on her she had been snoring softly.

Nicky sat down at the table. Dmitri dropped a small plate in front of her and she smiled at him gratefully, although she didn't feel like forcing it down just yet. She sat, picking at the slice of toast Dmitri had generously buttered for her.

"Good morning," she said quietly. "Thank you for letting me stay here. I shouldn't really have asked, I know-"

"Let's not start that again," Red said sharply. After turning a corner last night and breaking through Nicky's walls, she didn't want to give them the chance of building back up again. "It's water under the bridge. Eat your breakfast and then we'll talk."

Nicky looked down at her toast. The smell of it cooking had turned her stomach but she had to admit after forcing down a bite she did feel marginally better. Red watched her like a hawk.

"I'm not going to tell your mother," Red said eventually, eyes half closed as she sipped her morning coffee.

Nicky looked relieved.

"But I think you should."

Nicky didn't say anything for a moment, and then she nodded. "Alright."

"You're not going to argue with me?"

Nicky stiffened. "No."

"Okay," Red said in surprise. "I'm glad."

"I know I put you in an awkward spot," Nicky said with a little shrug. "I shouldn't have. I'll talk to Marka."

Red was pleased. Maybe yesterday hadn't been such a setback after all. She would still be keeping a close eye on her, if she would let her, but it didn't seem as bad as she had been anticipating.

"And Red?"

Red looked up with tired eyes. "Yes, honey?"

"Maybe tomorrow we could go out for dinner. You could invite your sons if you want. You know, for Tricia, like you wanted to. Only if you want to, though."

Red sipped her coffee to give the lump in her throat a chance to clear. "I would like that," she said after a moment, nodding quickly. "I would like that very much."

A/N:

Thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing: whenaspritemeetsaunicorn, VeraRose19 and Juliette45. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope everyone is doing well.

- Star xo