"Not a drop today, alright?" Marka said uneasily as she handed Nicky her credit card. "I don't want a repeat of yesterday. It was so embarrassing."
Nicky rolled her eyes, but nodded. "I promise," she said. "I don't really want to do that again either. Lesson learned."
"Good," Marka said quietly. She hesitated for a moment and then continued. "I'm glad it wasn't drugs, Nicky. You know that, don't you?"
Nicky nodded again. She knew Marka was trying, but it was awkward for the both of them, and neither wanted the conversation to drag on for much longer.
"Okay, well, have fun," Marka said, as she gathered her purse and coat from the hook by the door. "I've got to get back to work, so I probably won't see you until the morning now."
"I will," Nicky said, giving a swift nod.
"Be good, please." Marka looked back at Nicky reluctantly. She hovered by the door. "I hope you have a good time. But not too good, you know?"
"Thanks," Nicky said with a little smile, and she found that she meant it. "And I will."
She watched Marka leave, and to her surprise, it didn't fill her with relief to see the back of her. They would never have the relationship she had wanted when she was little, but it was...different, now. They understood each other a little better. At least, that's what Nicky hoped.
But before she went to dinner with Red and her family, she had one last thing to do.
Nicky braced herself as she knocked at the door. This wasn't what she wanted, she knew that with her whole heart, but it was what she needed. She sighed as she waited.
"You're not supposed to be working today, Nicky," Natalie said as she opened her office door. "What can I do for you?"
Nicky walked into the office and sat down in the spot across from Natalie's. The older woman took her seat behind her desk, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She raised her eyebrows at Nicky, waiting for her to continue. The atmosphere had dropped the moment Nicky walked in and she wondered what had caused her to be so sombre when she usually had already cracked a joke or two by now.
"I don't think I'm ready to be working with the kids," Nicky admitted, a deep sigh crossing her lips. She folded her arms, deflated, as she continued. "It's too early. I'm too...weak."
Natalie said nothing for a moment, and then she nodded. "Weak would be giving into the temptation," she said finally. "Weak would be letting your demons win. This is...this is sensible," she said with another little nod.
"Do I have to hand in an official notice?" Nicky asked, shifting in her chair. She looked at Natalie miserably.
It felt like defeat, but she had no other choice.
"Your notice?" she asked. "No. Of course not. You're not leaving us, are you?"
"Well...I can't really quit my job but still work here…" Nicky trailed off.
"I want you to stay," Natalie said. ""Would you consider doing administrative work until you feel you're ready to work with the kids again? No pressure, of course, no time limits. Just stay. You'll be good for the kids, I know that. You just need to give yourself time."
Natalie shuffled some papers around as Nicky considered. She sneaked a look at her over the documents, watching as she silently mulled it over.
Nicky said nothing for a moment. It felt like a big commitment - to say that one day, yeah, she would be ready. That she could work with these kids, that she could make a difference. She swallowed hard.
"Yeah...okay," she said finally, with a nod. "I think I could do that. But I really don't know how long it'll take for me to feel ready. If ever."
"You'll get there," Natalie said with a wave of her hand. "I know you will. You just have to believe it yourself. And when you do, your job will be waiting for you. So don't worry about that."
"Natalie?"
Natalie glanced up. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for believing in me."
"I'm only believing in you because you're proving yourself," Natalie reminded her. She gestured to the door. "Now get out of here. I have a ton of paperwork. I'll see you bright and early Monday morning, okay?"
Nicky nodded. "Sure, boss."
Red smoothed her dress out, standing on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, and then leaned forward to apply her lipstick in the reflection of the window. She expertly lined her lips and when she was done, they were as red as her hair. Smiling at the image of herself, she turned to Dmitri.
"I wish she was still here."
Dmitri squeezed her shoulders. "I know. Me too."
"She would have loved a family dinner," Red said, voice full of regret. "We didn't even take her out for a meal. We didn't get the chance. Everything was so new to her." A little smile settled on her face. "Do you remember taking her to the movie theatre for the first time? She was in awe."
It had been a sobering experience to say the least. Her boys hadn't grown up rich by any stretch but to have never seen the inside of a movie theatre seemed impossible. Tickets were a few dollars at most for morning showings. It was a welcome distraction for detoxing. They would sit in the back row in an empty theatre, happy to be together. Red hadn't been able to stomach seeing another movie since. Even the thought of it made her sick.
"Do you think she'd be angry at us?" Red asked. "Do you think she wouldn't like us doing this?"
"What?" Dmitri exclaimed. "Why?"
"Because we failed her. And because Nicky's here, and she's thriving…" Red turned away from him, covering her face. For her, grief came in waves, and that night, she felt as if she was drowning.
"No." Dmitri sighed as he loosened his tie. "She was never like that, was she? I think she'd be pleased that you aren't drowning in grief. You almost did. She wouldn't have wanted that. And tonight, we'll grieve for her, we'll miss her, but most importantly, we'll celebrate her."
She gripped his hand. With him by her side, she could get through this. She could get through anything; Tricia's death had proved that, though at the time she didn't believe that she ever would see the other side.
"Ready?" he asked softly, for through the window he could see Nicky sitting at a table surrounded by their three boys. Thankfully, they were laughing. Red followed his gaze, a smile falling on her own lips.
"Ready."
"So the kid was half out of the window, half of him still inside, and—oh, miss, could we have the check please?"
Dmitri reached for his wallet, but Nicky shook her head.
"It's my treat," she insisted. "Really mine, too. I got my first paycheck a little while ago. I wanted to say thank you to all of you for what you've done for me."
"You don't have to, Nicky," Red said, clearing her throat. To see Nicky like this was more than she could have ever hoped for. She was successful, happy, and healthy. It was almost too good to be true.
"Finish your story, Nicky," Vasily said. He laughed easily, all hostility from months ago vanishing as he listened, enthralled. "You can't leave us hanging. Did the kid escape?"
And getting along with her boys, too. Red could barely believe her luck.
Nicky shook her head, swigging from her glass of orange juice. "Nah. He realized pretty quick that you can't get out of detention by climbing out the window on the third floor." She laughed too.
Red watched them. Under the table, she clasped Dmitri's hand. She looked at her family, her heart bursting with pride. There was someone missing. There always would be. But Tricia's death taught her to be grateful for what she did have. A beautiful family, together, and laughing. There wasn't much else in the world she could ask for.
"Let's have a toast," Dmitri said. "Before we pay and leave. Let's toast to our family, and to Tricia."
Yuri patted his dad on the back, his lips pressed into a line. "To Tricia," he said, filling his glass. "She'd be happy, you know, Ma. If she was looking down on us."
Red didn't believe in heaven. Or, she didn't, before. Now the thought that Tricia just...didn't exist anymore was too painful. So whilst God was still a foreign concept to her, she liked to believe that somewhere in the Universe, somewhere she couldn't reach, Tricia waited for her.
Red nodded swiftly, choking back the emotion building in her throat. Tonight was no time for tears. "She is," she said, gripping her wine glass tightly. "I know she is."
"To Tricia," Nicky said quietly. "I wish I could have known you."
"To Tricia," Red echoed, her face toward the sky. "I'm so glad we did."
As the meal drew to an end, Red suggested that they walk home. It was a decent walk, but she enjoyed it. When her back wasn't playing up, blowing the cobwebs away with a stroll was exactly what she needed to clear her head. Her family obliged and soon they were walking in a small group, enjoying the early evening breeze.
"I quit today," Nicky said quietly as they walked. "You were right. I wasn't ready. It was too much."
"Oh, Nicky," Red said, her brow furrowing. "You should have told me sooner. I'm sorry, honey. You'll be okay, though. Come by tomorrow. I'll help you find a job, or something to do."
The very last thing Nicky needed was time and a lot of it.
"I'm just working in the office for now," she continued. "Natalie says I should stay and then work with the kids when I'm ready. I think that would be okay."
"Don't let her pressure you," Red said. "There's no shame in quitting."
Usually she thought the complete opposite, but when it came to Nicky's health, nothing was more important to her. She could quit a thousand jobs and she would still be proud, so long as she was clean. And if she wasn't she would help her through it.
"It'll be okay," Nicky said. "I can cope. I just...I wanted to say thank you."
Red pulled her over to a bench down by the side of the road. "For what?"
"For everything," Nicky said softly. "From the moment you met me and you took me in for no reason at all...for sticking by me even though I'm a pain in the ass." She laughed. "I know it couldn't have been easy...but I needed you then, even if I didn't know it."
"I know," Red said, and though she tried not to, she felt herself getting choked up. "I saw you there on that sidewalk with those angry eyes, and pale skin...I saw the marks on your arm and the dark circles you had...I couldn't have left you. And believe it or not, despite the gray hairs you gave me and the worry, you helped me too, Nicky."
"Did I?" Nicky asked, and when she looked up at Red, the older woman saw the kid that Nicky once was.
"I didn't think I'd ever get out of my grief," Red admitted. "I thought I would drown in it. I could see the boys and Dmitri worrying about me, wondering when I would come back...and I couldn't reassure them. I'll miss her forever, of course...but I needed something to focus on. I needed you too, Nicky."
Nicky threw her arms around Red's neck. To hear that she was needed too wasn't something she was used to. She had an inkling that she meant as much to Red as she meant to her, but hearing it was something else. Red squeezed her back.
"You saved me," Nicky said through a couple of stray tears. "You saved my life, Red."
"No." Red shook her head. "You got clean. Not me, not Marka. You saved you. Not me." Red said, gripping Nicky's hand. "You just needed a helping hand, that's all."
Fin!
Only four years in the making but this fic is finally done, and I've been writing this chapter since July! If anyone is still reading, haha. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. It's one of my favorites for sure. Thank you for sticking with it and me.
- Star xo