A/N

Trying to get back on a weekly schedule, or close to.

Chapter 16: Bonded Heart

It was a brumal evening. The glow of the setting sun on the treeline made the pine trees look golden and the yellow grass field as if it were ablaze. A gust of wind caused Ravenwind to shiver.

"Are you paying attention?" Cookie asked.

Definitely not. "Yes."

"Then you won't mind demonstrating what I was showing you," Cookie said, sitting down and raising her chin.

Ah. You got me there. "Uh." Was all Ravenwind had to say.

Movement caught the corner of his eye. The undergrowth trembled, and King and Runningshadow emerged from the forest. King was carrying a mouse and squirrel, and Runningshadow looked particularly proud of the two mice in his jaws hanging by their tails.

Ravenwind purred at the sight of him. "Welcome home, honey," he said, brushing muzzles as his partner dropped his prey. Home? What a strange thing to say. They had only been at the barn for five days, but it felt so natural.

"Perfect timing," Cookie said with a frustrated sigh. "Runningshadow, tell Ravenwind here he should be paying attention! I don't think he's listened to a word I've said."

Ravenwind shook his head. "That's not true. I heard when you said 'now listen closely.' Then I zoned out."

Runningshadow's amused laugh was cut short by a glare from Cookie. "You know we both should be learning how to hunt better," he pointed out. For emphasis, he motioned to his mice. "Look at what I caught! I'm getting better at that hunting crouch King showed me."

Ravenwind flopped his head to the side with an innocent pout. "But you look so cute when you hunt. Can't I just watch you instead?" His voice was oozing with persiflage.

"Oh no," Cookie scolded. "You won't get anywhere with flattery, right Runningshadow?"

Wrong. Runningshadow wore an absolutely spellbound look, ears twitching in embarrassment like a lovestruck fool. "I- I don't mind hunting for us both," he stammered. "I'm better at that than fighting. King keeps trying to show me, but I'm no good."

"Unbelievable," Cookie sighed.

"Oh, let them be," King chuckled. "They're young.

"Yeah, leave us be," Ravenwind echoed, sticking out his tongue.

"Really, Ravenwind?" Cookie asked with a raised eyebrow. "You're more mature than that."

The ShadowClan tom shook his head. "I'm really not." With a cheeky grin, he grabbed one of Runningshadow's mice by the tail and followed him into the barn.

Their first night there, they had found some moss to make bedding out of, and the four kits helped move hay bales to make room for their nests. It was more of one big nest in truth. One thing Ravenwind could never get sick of was waking up everyday beside Runningshadow. It made his heart feel so full he thought it might burst.

Ravenwind was acutely aware of Flax staring at him with big green eyes as he sat beside his partner. The young cat probably thought he was slick, hiding partially behind a hay bale, but Ravenwind could clearly see his eyes peeking over.

"You know I can see you, right?" Ravenwind said, tearing into his mouse. Runningshadow snickered beside him.

Flax stumbled. "Ye- yeah." He came out from behind the hay bale. "I- I wanted to ask… what are the clans like?"

Ravenwind glanced to Runningshadow. The WindClan tom gave a lazy shrug in response. They beckoned the young tom over, who quickly scampered closer and sat in front of them. Cinnamon and Duke gravitated over within a few moments, but Running Paw was busy brooding in a shadowy corner.

"Have you ever killed anyone?" Duke asked bluntly.

Runningshadow looked taken aback. "What? No!" He exclaimed, at the same time Ravenwind shrugged and said, "yeah."

"You've what?" Runningshadow sounded horrified. "Ravenwind, we're medicine cats!"

Ravenwind's eyebrows knitted together. "ShadowClan medicine cats use deathberries to make a slow painful death easier. No cat should suffer in their last moments." Runningshadow visibly relaxed.

Duke frowned. "That doesn't count." Ravenwind stuck out his tongue with a scowl.

"We heal, Duke, we don't hunt or fight," Runningshadow meowed. It wasn't the first time he had to explain it to the rowdy tom. "And each clan has a different way of practising."

"Have you ever had to fight?" Cinnamon asked. "What about dogs?"

"We see more foxes and badgers than dogs," Runningshadow explained. "Dogs only come onto WindClan territory in greenleaf with their twolegs sometimes."

A wry smile made its way onto Ravenwind's face. "Heh, remember that fox that we ran from when you came to ShadowClan?"

Runningshadow cringed. "Yes."

"Oh, oh, tell us!" Flax gasped eagerly.

Ravenwind stared with serious eyes. "I just said we ran. There isn't much to tell." He waved a paw nonchalantly. "We gathered herbs and waited for the patrol to get back so we could fix 'em up."

Flax and Duke looked bored. "Well, there was this one time," Runningshadow began with a squeak. Ravenwind's eyes whirled on him in an instant.

"One time? What time?" Ravenwind pressed.

Runningshadow tilted his head guiltily. "I had to get some celadine for Cloverwing a few moons ago; she got a scratch in her eye. So I had to find some in this forest here and it turned out there were some hostile rogues who made camp there."

Ravenwind sat up fast and swallowed a bite of his mouse he had to chew. He choked on it for a moment. "You didn't tell me that!"

Runningshadow shrunk down. "I didn't want to worry you! You're all protective!"

Ravenwind sniffed. "You're worth protecting," he mumbled under his breath. Runningshadow smiled a little and gave his cheek a brisk lick. Cinnamon cooed at them.

"So?" Duke pressed. "What happened? With the other rogues?"

"Oh, right," Runningshadow said. "It was three-on-one, and I've never learned how to fight. Even if I did, I couldn't fight off all three of them." He pointed to a small jagged scar on his hind leg. "One of them gave me this."

Ravenwind's amber eyes melted. "You told me you fell in a thornbush!"

"I'm okay now," Runningshadow assured him. "Turtleheart was luckily leading a patrol and noticed my scent went over the border and came to investigate. She gave the tom who scarred me a much nastier scar, trust me."

"Did you fight at all?" Duke asked. He obviously wanted some bloody war-story neither of them could provide him with.

"It was all defensive," Runningshadow admitted. "I was trying not to die."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't," Ravenwind meowed, leaning his head into him.

"Wow, how romantic," Runningshadow teased.

"How did you two meet?" Cinnamon asked sweetly, at the groans of her brothers.

"It's kind of boring," Runningshadow laughed awkwardly.

"He fell down a slope and then I fell for him," Ravenwind said bluntly, though there was a trace of a smile on his features.

Cinnamon giggled. "That sounds funny."

"It wasn't funny!" Runningshadow exclaimed, hot in the face. "It was embarrassing!"

"It was funny," Ravenwind agreed, nodding his head seriously. Runningshadow flicked him with his tail, and Ravenwind smirked.

"You two make cute mates," Cinnamon gushed. "I don't want one myself, but seeing mom and dad and you two is sweet."

Mates… It still felt strange to not be walking on their tiptoes when expressing affection. Part of Ravenwind half expected Hazelstripe to round a corner and find him close to Runningshadow and scold him. Runningshadow must have sensed his mate tense up, because he laced their tails together and rested his head on the ShadowClan tom's shoulder.

Duke and Flax called for Cinnamon by the outside of the barn. "Cinnamon, Running Paw! Wanna go throw rocks in the river and see whose makes a bigger splash?"

"It's frozen over, idiots," Running Paw scoffed.

Duke thought for a moment. "Wanna see who's rock can smash through the ice?"

Running Paw looked like he was thinking. Then, he pushed off from the wall he was leaning against. "I'm only coming to make sure you don't do something stupid."

"Cinnamon, you coming?" Flax asked.

She glanced to the two clan cats, who just shrugged at her and then stood. "Coming!" She called, scrambling after her brothers.

Ravenwind watched as the four young rogues ran off. He distantly heard Cookie shouting after them.

"You know," Runningshadow mumbled, "it's still kinda weird to hear." Ravenwind gave him a look, prompting him to elaborate. "Hearing us be called mates. I like it, don't get me wrong! It's just, when we go back, we won't hear it anymore."

"That won't stop us from being together," Ravenwind said. "You know how I feel about those rules."

"No, I know," Runningshadow sighed. "It's just… I don't know. I guess… I never really wanted a mate before, you know? I used to think it had to be between a tom and a she-cat because WindClan doesn't talk about that sort of thing."

Ravenwind felt a kind of pain that he knew all too well. He hated that Runningshadow knew it too. "I know," he whispered back.

"Turtleheart used to talk about it all the time." He gave a little laugh. "She had the biggest crush on Mousetalon when we were kits; thought she was gonna have her ceremony with him."

"Duskcloud's always been more goal oriented," Ravenwind meowed. "But by StarClan, when she got her first crush it was torture. I had to listen to her all day long talk about how hot Snailspots was."

"But was he? Hot, I mean," Runningshadow asked. He looked amused.

Ravenwind made a face. "Ugh, I don't know. Maybe? Him and Eaglestorm have absolutely nothing going on their heads. For some reason, Duskcloud finds that attractive."

Runningshadow sat up. "Turtleheart too! I mean, I like Yewtail well enough and all, but I tease her all the time about her taste in clueless toms."

"I heard she had a mate ceremony," Ravenwind meowed.

Runningshadow nodded, His eyes looked fond. "I put hollyhocks in her fur. She looked amazing. And I wish it had been her perfect night. She deserved that much."

"Duskcloud didn't have a mate ceremony," Ravenwind said. "She said she wants one, but then she found out she was pregnant and her and Shadeflight decided to wait until the kits are apprenticed."

The WindClan tom had gone quiet suddenly. Ravenwind peered at him. "What is it?" He asked.

Runningshadow let out a heavy sigh. "I-" he let out a defeated noise. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing," Ravenwind insisted. "Tell me. Please."

Runningshadow frowned in thought. "Growing up, Turtleheart would always talk about her mate ceremony, and how she wanted me to be the one to put the flowers in her fur. And I did! And it was nice. And I never thought it was something I wanted. But… that night. I- I thought about if- if I had a mate ceremony with... you, and then everything changed."

Ravenwind's heart lurched. With me? He wants a mate ceremony with me? The one that binds your hearts together forever? He snapped himself back to reality.

"Liking toms is part of why I became a medicine cat," Ravenwind admitted. His voice was softer than usual. "I was afraid. I didn't think anyone could love me for me. Or that I'd find anyone. As a medicine cat, I thought at least I could spare myself the heartbreak."

Runningshadow nudged him. "That working out well for you?"

"Well, I found you, so I'd say yes," Ravenwind said. Runningshadow's ear flicked shyly. "I don't care if we don't get to have a ceremony. Any moment with you is more important."

Runningshadow looked away. "I… I guess I'm just disappointed we won't ever have that. I always said I hated mate ceremonies, but I think about one with you, and I want it. More than anything. I know it's silly."

A truly genius idea struck Ravenwind. He stood up and stared down at Runningshadow. "It's not silly. Let's do it."

The WindClan tom looked confused. He gave a half laugh, half scoff. "Do what?"

"Have a mate ceremony," Ravenwind said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We could do it right now."

Runningshadow was standing now too. "Wait, you're not kidding?" Ravenwind shook his head. "Like right now, right now?" Ravenwind nodded eagerly.

I just said I didn't care… So why is my heart racing? "We can get Cookie and King to put the flowers in our fur," Ravenwind said. "And I'm sure they could remember what to say during the tasting."

"Oh, wait, but who will officiate? Only leaders or medicine cats can do that," Runningshadow pointed out.

Ravenwind bopped his nose. "Uh, duh. We're medicine cats? We can officiate it ourselves."

Runningshadow raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure we can do that?"

Ravenwind shrugged. "I don't see why not. I think it's double officiated since there's two of us."

Runningshadow squinted at him. "I- I don't think that's right."

Ravenwind nodded, eyes closed. "Yes, it is." His voice was serious. "We're gonna be double bonded."

His laugh became a snort, and Ravenwind thought it was a beautiful sound. "Okay, okay," Runningshadow meowed. "We're really going to do it right now?"

"Why not?" Ravenwind shrugged. "I love you. I want to be with you forever."

Runningshadow hid his face. "H- how can you just say such things so easily? Don't you get… nervous?"

"I just say what I'm thinking," Ravenwind meowed casually. "It leads to problems most of the time."

"You say nice things," Runningshadow muttered.

"Only to you," Ravenwind said. "So, have any flowers in mind?"

"We've only been together two moons!" Runningshadow protested. Ravenwind blinked. "Okay. Fine. Maybe. Yes." He hung his head.

The ShadowClan tom pressed his nose to his partner's forehead. "You're adorable. You know, this ceremony is already a little unconventional. How do you feel about picking flowers for each other instead of letting someone pick them for us?"

Runningshadow frowned a little. "I wish Turtleheart was here. I wonder if she's thought about what flower she'd pick for me."

Ravenwind leaned against him. "I'm sorry she can't be here."

Runningshadow shook himself. "No, it's for the best." He turned to Ravenwind. "We have to do it now. Who knows when we'll get another perfect chance like this? No clan rules to bother us… we can just… be."

"What could possibly go wrong?" Ravenwind said sarcastically.

The WindClan tom shoved him. "Don't say it like that, you'll jinx it!"

All smiles and soft laughs, the two toms walked out of the warm barn and into the frosty night. The sky was darkening with purples and the faint twinkle of stars could be seen.

"What's got you two looking like you caught the canary?" Cookie jested. Whatever joke she tried to make went over their heads. "You look very happy."

They exchanged looks. Ravenwind decided to explain. "In the clans, we have something called a mate ceremony. It's said to bond your hearts together forever. It's kind of involved, and well, since we're away from the clans, it's our only chance to have one."

"You want our help," King guessed.

"Please," Runningshadow added.

Cookie purred. "It's the least we could do, dear. Just tell us what to do."

"We need flowers to go in our fur," Ravenwind said. "Usually someone close to you picks one for you, but… we're picking for each other. Will you help us look?"

"Sure thing!" King said heartily. "Nan's watching the kits, so it's no trouble."

"There's still the matter of the tasting," Runningshadow pointed out. Ravenwind looked thoughtful.

"What's the tasting?" Cookie asked.

"You get something sour, something bitter, something spicy, and something sweet and you gotta eat it all," Runningshadow explained. "It's meant to represent the ups and downs of a relationship."

"Each clan uses something different," Ravenwind said. "ShadowClan uses lemons, mugwort, paprika, and honey."

"WindClan uses lemon and honey for the sweet and sour too," Runningshadow said, "but we use wormwood and coriander for bitter and spicy."

Ravenwind glanced instinctively to his medicine cat herb. "Well, I guess we could use some of my herb for the spicy then… but I'd rather not."

"I'll tell mom," King said. "I'm sure and the kits could wrestle up something clever. Anything else?"

"Yeah, we have to catch something for each other to eat," Runningshadow said. "I went hunting earlier."

"I caught a vole last night," Ravenwind supplied in a chilled tone.

"And there's specific things you've got to say," Runningshadow said. "There's a few other elements, but they can't be done. It's family stuff." Ravenwind gave a dry laugh.

"Oh, and we're not supposed to see each other after the flowers go in our fur until the ceremony," Runningshadow added.

"We should split up then," Cookie said. "I can go with Ravenwind and you can go with Runningshadow, dear."

"I already know what we're looking for," Runningshadow said timidly. He whispered something in King's ear.

"Ah, I believe I know where to find those!" He beamed. "This way." King took off to the left past the treeline with Runningshadow trailing behind.

Cookie sighed. "I remember when King and I were so completely lovesick. I feel like I fall in love with him everyday."

Ravenwind looked down and away, face warm. "I… know what you mean." He suddenly felt exposed. "I mean, I guess," he said gruffly.

Cookie smiled wide. "Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, Ravenwind. The ones we love make us vulnerable, and it can be hard. But it's worth it."

Ravenwind fixed her with a look. "Tch," was all he said with a light scoff.

"You put up this facade of not caring but I know you care a lot, don't you?" Cookie continued. Stop. "You think caring makes you weak." Stop it. "But it doesn't." Just stop. "Keeping your heart open isn't easy. Trust me, I know."

"What do you know?" Ravenwind snapped. "You don't know me, you barely know Runningshadow! I- I don't get you. All sunshine and smiles talking about how you understand me." He lashed his tail, jaw clenched.

Instead of spitting back a retort, Cookie only gave a pitied smile. "Because I was you," she said simply. "Bitter, closed off, spiteful. King and his mother helped pull me out."

Ravenwind spared her a glance. "How?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Cookie looked wistful. "It started the day I met King. My mother was hit by a car- you call them monsters- and my father ate foxglove because he couldn't cope."

Ravenwind stared at her, unblinking as she went on. "I'd caught a finch, and two other rogues picked a fight with me over it. King came to my rescue and drove them off. I thought he was just trying to take my catch for himself. That's just how it is as a rogue. At least, that's what I thought. He asked me if I was okay, helped me up, offered to get my wounds healed. I passed out, and when I woke up, I was in his family's den."

"He helped you even when he didn't know you," Ravenwind mumbled.

Cookie smiled and gave a nod. "The finch was right beside me when I woke up, and King's father had fixed me up. Blanc was the best at medicine stuff. When he died, that's when we had to go to the clans for help. They looked after me, helped me, without expecting anything in return."

"I don't expect anything of Runningshadow," Ravenwind retorted, offended. "I just want to love him!"

"Let me finish," Cookie said firmly. Ravenwind shut his mouth. "All throughout my time with King's family, I was a pain. I was rude, I started fights, and I told myself I didn't care. Well, one day, King had been hurt. It was raining, but I didn't even think twice before I went to find him and bring him back for Blanc to heal. I realized then that I did care. It wasn't easy, but I let myself relax a little more each day around them after that."

Ravenwind was staring at his paws. He poked at the cold earth with a claw. He didn't say anything.

"Were you listening?" Cookie asked. Her voice was edged.

"Yes," Ravenwind muttered. He wasn't lying this time. "It's a… nice story."

He felt Cookie smile at him. "I know you care about Runningshadow a lot. It's so strong, you probably feel you're willing to die for him. But do you think you tell him enough? And I don't just mean saying 'I love you'."

Ravenwind's eyes widened a little. "I know what flower I want to give him." He met Cookie's eyes. "Will you help me look for it?"

The sun had completely set. The pale moon was full in the sky. It hung like a threatening omen above Ravenwind's head. He pointedly ignored it.

It had taken longer than he had anticipated but with Cookie's help, he had found the perfect flower for his love. King and Runningshadow were already back, sitting in the field.

"Snowdrops," Ravenwind muttered through the stalks. He placed them at Runningshadow's feet. "They symbolize purity, modesty, and love." On short, thin green stalks were clusters of soft white, bell flowers.

"Red gladiolus," Runningshadow said. His voice was small. He pushed the flowers forward shyly. "They symbolize sincerity, honor, and strong character." The flowers were bigger than the snowdrops, with narrow, blade-shaped petals in a piercing crimson shade. "An- and love," he added.

"I love them," Ravenwind blurted. "They're…" Starclan, his heart could explode. "...perfect. They're perfect."

Runningshadow grinned proudly, albeit a bit flustered. "Y- yeah? You think? The meaning just makes me think of you. They grow a lot on the moors, and so I just thought-"

Ravenwind put their foreheads together. "I love them," he assured him softly.

"Okay," Runningshadow whispered. "I love the snowdrops too. They're pretty." He plucked one off its stem and tucked it behind his right ear.

"Heh, it looks like you have two medicine herbs now," Ravenwind teased.

Runningshadow took one of the gladiolus and put it behind Ravenwind's left ear. "There." He pulled away. "Now you do too."

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment that felt like a blissful eternity. Ravenwind couldn't think of a place he would rather be.

"Um, you're supposed to put them in your fur, right?" King asked, nudging the snowdrops with a paw.

Ravenwind nodded. "Someone else has to do it," Runningshadow said. "Usually the same cat who chose your flower... but it's just us."

"Psh, it can't be that hard," Cookie scoffed. She gathered the gladiolus in her jaws. "C'mon. We'll go in the barn. Runningshadow isn't supposed to see you, right?"

Ravenwind looked back over his shoulder as he followed Cookie into the barn. King was struggling to pluck a snowdrop with his big paws.

Cookie tore off a gladiolus off its stem and tried to get it to stay in Ravenwind's fur. He felt it keep sliding off. Cookie growled lowly and with a slow movement, finally got the first flower to stick.

"Okay, maybe not as easy as it looks," Cookie admitted.

The brown tabby queen had gotten five flowers woven in his fur when a draft came in through the barn doors. It stirred up sawdust and tickled Ravenwind's nose. He sneezed suddenly and powerfully. The movement caused the flowers to fly off his pelt.

Cookie threw down the assortment of flowers. "I give up!" She cried in frustration.

"I had to sneeze!" Ravenwind protested.

"This is near impossible," Cookie complained. "How do clan cats do this?" Ravenwind turned around to see her eyes were watery and her eyebrows creased. He forced his thorny facade down.

"It's alright," Ravenwind said gently. "Get Runningshadow. It breaks tradition but he'll know how to do it. King's probably having trouble too."

Cookie stood up with a relieved sigh. Her lithe form disappeared around the side of the barn. Ravenwind held one of the red flowers in his paws, staring at it as his mind wandered.

"No, like this!" Duskkit said. She tucked the stem of a dandelion puff into their mother's fur to demonstrate. "Now me!"

"Why do I have to dress you with flowers?" Ravenkit huffed.

Duskkit pouted. "'Cause you're my brother! I'll do you next."

Ravenkit turned up his chin. "No way! I'm never having a mate ceremony! You're not putting any dumb flowers in my fur!"

"You're too young to be thinking about it anyways," Sharpheart said.

"I think it's cute," Junipershade cooed. "They're just dandelions, sweetheart."

Sharpheart said nothing. "Hey, we're almost apprentices!" Duskkit retorted. "It'll only be a little while now." She blew the puffs off a dandelion into Ravenkit's face. "And then we'll be apprentices together and hunt and fight and train together!"

"I'll put the dandelions in your fur now," Ravenkit said. "Turn around."

Duskkit didn't notice the change of subject. She only sat with her back to Ravenkit, waiting expectantly. Instead, Ravenkit took a clump of damp soil and smushed it into his sister's coat.

"Ravenkit!" Duskkit hissed. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Nyeh, I'd like to see you try!" Ravenkit taunted.

Duskkit stuck her tongue out. "I'm never letting you put flowers in my fur for my mate ceremony now! And don't expect me to do it for you either!"

Ravenkit stuck his tongue out back at her. "Fine by me! I didn't want a stupid mate anyways!"

Ravenwind looked up when he heard the barn door creak. Runningshadow stood in the doorway, pelt aglow with silver moonlight casting a stark shadow over the wooden floorboards. A few stray snowdrops were sticking in his fur, and he wore a bashful look on his face.

"Um, King got in some before he gave up," Runningshadow chuckled. He stayed put, paws shuffling. "Guess it's a learned thing."

Runningshadow was absolutely breathtaking. Ravenwind forgot how to form words for a second. The only thing he knew was basking in the handsome glory of the WindClan medicine cat he was lucky enough to love.

"You look… wow," Ravenwind finally managed to say. It came out more of a breathless exhale.

Runningshadow's ear twitched; a telltale sign of his unfamiliarity with compliments. "Thanks. You look wow, too."

"I don't even have any flowers in my fur yet," Ravenwind chuckled self-consciously.

Runningshadow walked forward with a chuckle and sat down next to him. "Let me," he said softly. With skilled paws, he tucked the red flowers into the ShadowClan tom's thick, fluffy fur.

"You're good at this," Ravenwind teased.

Runningshadow made a little humming noise. "Turtleheart used to make me practice on her. I guess she wanted me to be good at it when it came time."

"I'm sure she looked nice," Ravenwind mumbled. He was focused on the quick, muscle memory way Runningshadow was weaving the flowers. "You're doing really well."

"Your fur is thicker than Turtleheart's," Runningshadow chuckled. "Softer, too. I like it."

Heat spread across Ravenwind's face to the tips of his ears. "Thanks." it was barely audible. There was something so profoundly uninhibited about the whole moment. For once, they were both completely relaxed; free of the worry they might be discovered. It was dead silent in the most comfortable of ways, aside from the soft sounds of them breathing. They had never felt more free.

"My turn," Runningshadow said quietly. Though the barn was empty, they spoke in hushed tones. Like speaking any louder may ruin the moment. All that remained of the gladiolus that weren't in Ravenwind's fur were bare green stems.

Ravenwind's paws were shaking. My heart's beating so fast… He swallowed the lump in his throat. It refused to go away.

"Hey," Runningshadow whispered. "What's wrong?" He could feel Ravenwind trembling.

"Noth- nothing," Ravenwind stammered. "Everything's perfect." He took a deep, shaky breath. "That's the thing."

The WindClan tom's eyebrows creased in concern, urging him to elaborate. His tail found Ravenwind's, and he felt almost instantly comforted.

"You're- you're so good, you know that?" Ravenwind meowed. "Everyone always tells me I'm not. And I embraced it. 'Ravenwind, the bad guy.' The mean one for no reason, the one who pushes everyone away." He hung his head. "I don't know why I kept doing it. It was so lonely."

"Ravenwind…" Runningshadow muttered, placing his paw on his. He seemed at a loss for words.

"What I'm trying to say is, sometimes I think- no, a lot of the time- I think I didn't do anything to deserve you in my life," Ravenwind admitted. "You're my light. The good. What makes me allowed to have you with me when you're so good and I'm so not?"

Everything poured out. "I love you so much it hurts; it hurts so good," Ravenwind choked out. His vision stretched with tears. "How can someone like me be what you want? What if I ruin it like I do everything else?" His voice cracked desperately and the sight of Runningshadow grew blurry behind his tear-filled eyes.

"You're allowed to be happy, Ravenwind," Runningshadow said gently. I… I am? "You didn't have to do anything to deserve me, either. We chose each other because we make each other happy."

Runningshadow's blue eyes were big, watery, and so full of love. "You may think you're bad, but the fact you care so much about whether you're good or bad shows you're not. A bad person wouldn't care. I know you say you don't care, because it's hard to say what you feel. That's okay. We understand each other. And you are everything I want and more."

In that moment, Ravenwind had never felt more seen. It was as if Runningshadow could peer right into the depths of his heart. He felt vulnerable, but most of all, he felt safe.

"It's that simple?" Ravenwind asked quietly.

Runningshadow gave a small nod. "It's that simple."

Ravenwind sniffed deeply and blinked his tears away. He felt better. Who knew talking about it would help? "Let's get these flowers in your fur," he said, pulling a snowdrop off its step and placing in his thin fur.

Runningshadow's pelt was short; much shorter than those in ShadowClan. It was fine, and slipped through his claws as he weaved the flowers in delicately, but ever so soft and silky. The brown tom licked a paw and swiped it over both sides of his face.

"How do I look?" He asked bashfully. He wasn't looking directly at Ravenwind, blue eyes skittery. Moonlight shone down on him, making the snowdrops look like they were glowing. He looked ethereal.

Ravenwind's breath left him. He sighed softly, taking a moment to just admire him. How did I get so lucky? The quiet filled the barn, and nothing felt more intimate than simply taking in the other, burning the sight of each other into their memories forever.

"Everything is ready," Cookie said, poking her muzzle in. "Whenever you're all set." Her eyes were closed, as if she were the one not meant to see them. Ravenwind found it amusing.

"Are you ready?" Runningshadow asked softly, looking deep into his eyes.

Ravenwind touched their noses together. "I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

Side by side, the two toms walked out of the barn and under the open sky. The full moon was at its peak. There was a circle of river stones in the center where they had all gathered. They stepped inside it.

"Tonight, we celebrate the unifying of Runningshadow and Ravenwind," King began. Not how it goes, but okay. "The- er- bonding of their two hearts."

Although it seemed King had forgotten some of the words, Ravenwind couldn't care less. All that mattered in that moment was Runningshadow.

"The moon," the WindClan tom whispered. "Do you think…?" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and neither could Ravenwind. It was full, and that meant a Gathering. And should clouds cover the moon… Ravenwind shook his head.

"No," Ravenwind said with certainty. "This will be perfect." Runningshadow smiled wide.

"Recite your vows, so we may all hear and approve," King announced.

Runningshadow went first. He tipped his head to the side with an awkward smile. "So, this all happened really fast and I didn't think of anything," he admitted. Ravenwind laughed through his nose. "So- so I'm just going to say what I'm thinking."

He looked confident; sure of himself. It was a rare look on him. "You make me feel like I can relax," he started. "Whenever we're together, everything just fits. I've- I've thought about this day between us in secret countless times. It's not what I pictured, but it feels right. It feels like us. It feels perfect. I love all of you; everything. Not just some idea of you or just a part, but as you truly are."

Runningshadow stole his breath away. He almost forgot it was his turn to say something. "I want to spend today and every tomorrow from now on with you," he said. The words flowed like instinct. "It doesn't matter how big the gap separating us grows; I will always be yours and you mine. I promise you this. I promise to protect you, to cherish you, to be there for you, to- to love you with all that I am, but most of all, I promise that whatever life throws at us, we'll make it through it together.

Ravenwind glanced to the moon. It was still clear. He still felt partially on edge. He knew Runningshadow did too. But that won't stop us.

King was crying, tears openly pouring out of his one good eye. By some stroke of luck, Nan had gotten the four kits to sit still and observe. For the most part, they looked either bored or confused.

Cookie took over for her mate. She was looking at the tasting ingredients. "Er… um…" she mumbled.

"Sour," Runningshadow said, masking it with a cough.

"Yes!" Cookie exclaimed. "Um, taste the sour, for every relationship has its unpleasant moments. Do you offer your love and support without limit? If you do, say 'I do.'"

"It's 'I will', dear," King said in a hushed tone.

"Sorry- I will," Cookie corrected herself.

"I will," the toms said in unison. From smell alone. They could tell which was the sour herb. It had reddish stems and thick, round leaves. Huh, purslane. Interesting choice. It wasn't as sour as a lemon, but enough to be gross. Runningshadow seemed to like it.

"Taste the spicy-"

"Bitter," Ravenwind whispered to her.

"Taste the bitter," Cookie went on smoothly. "For every relationship has its- um- setbacks and sorrows." Close enough. "If so, taste, and say I will."

Another somewhat uncommon herb, though probably more common in these woods, was valerian. It was almost woodsy, like chamomile, but less warming.

"Taste the spicy," Cookie continued. "For every relationship has heat and passion. Will you offer your faith and er- and protection? If so, taste and say I will."

"Um, which is it?" Runningshadow asked awkwardly. Neither of them had seen either herb before. One looked like a red berry, tipped off in a point in the end. The other was fruity in appearance, with a greenish orange color.

"That one," Cookie said. "Those are peppers."

Given the name, Ravenwind thought it akin to peppergrass. Boy, was he wrong. It wasn't spicy at first, but it lingered on his tongue and in his throat. Runningshadow had more of a visible reaction. Truthfully, Ravenwind kind of liked the spice.

"Finally, taste the sweet," Cookie meowed. "For every relationship should be filled with life and fulfilment. Will you offer unconditional love, without limit? If so, taste, and say I will."

"I will." Ravenwind was saying so much more than two words. It was a lifelong promise.

"I will." Runningshadow had the same look in his eyes. Determined, and overflowing with a love so strong it could burn the whole forest down.

The fruit was so sweet it was almost sickly. The juice stuck in his mouth, leaving a strange taste. It was closest to a pear, but unlike anything either of them had tasted before.

"You may present your catches," Cookie said.

Runningshadow offered up the mouse he had caught earlier that evening, and Ravenwind nudged him yesterday's vole he had managed to catch.

"I promise to hunt for you, to care for you from green-leaf through leaf-bare, and to always be there when you need me,' Runningshadow swore. They had changed the words a bit to better suit themselves.

"I promise to protect you, to care for you from green-leaf through leaf-bare, and to always be there when you need me," Ravenwind swore.

With that, they swapped prey and took a bite. Runningshadow had his muzzle stuck in the flesh of the vole. Ravenwind glanced up to admire him, when he saw something strange in the corner of his eye behind his new mate.

The white-light encased forms of Silverwater and Bramblestone were staring them down, wearing identical looks of disapproval. Runningshadow had his back to them. Ravenwind fixed the StarClan cats with a hard look just as cold.

No. You will not take this away from us. Ravenwind thought sourly. I won't let you ruin the mate ceremony Runningshadow wants.

He looked up at the moon, fear gripping his chest with icy claws. No clouds in sight. Relief washed over him. When he looked back, the dead medicine cats were gone.

"Our hearts are now bonded as one," Runningshadow announced. "Uh- may- may our ancestors join together and light the path of our new path."

Ravenwind tried not to imagine that. May they not. Runningshadow looked elated as he glanced to the moon and back..

"StarClan didn't disapprove," he said in awe. "We're okay."

But our predecessors do. Ravenwind smiled softly. He pressed their foreheads together. "I told you so," he whispered. "Our hearts are now bonded as one," he repeated.

Runningshadow chuckled. "Hey, I already said that."

Ravenwind shrugged. "Well, now I said it too. I said we'd be double bonded, didn't I?"

Runningshadow pretended to look thoughtful. "Ah, so does this mean were double the mates as any other clan cat?"

The ShadowClan tom winked. "Now you're getting it."

"The clans have a beautiful way of celebrating love," Cookie purred. "It's very romantic."

Ravenwind gave a little shrug. "Truthfully, it's younger than our other ceremonies. Some ex-kittypet ShadowClan cat introduced it before the clans left the lake."

"You lived by a lake?" Flax asked curiously, eyes glittering.

"Not us," Ravenwind clarified. "Our ancestors." Flax frowned in response.

"No cat alive remembers the lake anymore," Runningshadow explained further. "I think before that, the clans were in a forest. But our stories get told, so we live on."

"What now?" Cookie asked. "That was it to the ceremony, wasn't it?"

Runningshadow flicked an ear. He looked to Ravenwind truly deviously. "C'mon." He practically dragged him back to the inside of the barn where they collapsed in a pile of hay and straw with a chorus of joyous laughter.

Ravenwind brushed away a piece of straw on his mate's head. "Eager for our first night together as mates?" He asked teasingly.

The WindClan tom made a little noise in his throat. "Well, yes, but I'm all… excited, and my heart's racing… I don't think I'll be able to sleep." He looked directly into Ravenwind's amber eyes. "I love you too much."

"I- you- we- we can stay up," Ravenwind stammered awkwardly. It was most unlike him. "If- if you want."

Runningshadow smiled in such a tender way it felt unwarranted. It didn't match the passion twinkling in his dark blue eyes. "I would like that very much," he purred.

Ravenwind gave a dry little laugh. "Wanna know something funny?"

Runningshadow peered down at him. "Hm?"

"I used to be jealous of Turtleheart," he admitted with a small 'heh'.

"What?" Runningshadow chortled. "Why her?"

Ravenwind gave a helpless shrug, resting his head on Runningshadow's chest. "I dunno. You talked about her a lot. I thought you might like her." He looked up at the WindClan tom. "I wonder what past me would say if he saw us like this."

"Lucky me?" Runningshadow offered with a teasing smirk. It earned him a paw to the face.

Runningshadow laughed as Ravenwind pushed him away. "Oh, shut it," he growled. "I thought you wanted to have a moment."

"We were having a moment, and then you mentioned Turtleheart," Runningshadow pouted. "Can't I just dote on you?"

"Yes," Ravenwind said like it was obvious. "You don't even have to ask."

"Well, I'm still gonna," Runningshadow mewed decidedly. "C'mere."

Ravenwind obeyed. His heart was overflowing. "I love you," he whispered."

Runningshadow looked like he might melt. "I love you, too."

A/N

They're so in love it physically hurts me :') I'm still missing some bits for chapter 17 (the next one) so if there's anything you'd like to see in particular or just some suggestions, please let me know in a review!