AN: Just a comedy one shot I typed up after watching One Punch Man for the first time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Danmachi or One Punch Man. Nor do I make any money off this fanfiction.
Bell ran through the dungeon after the Jack Bird. It left a trail of yellow and green feathers as it ran for its' life. Bell move his dagger to the chest of each Goblin that tried to slay him and fail. The magic stone in its' chest shattered with each stab, turning the monsters to ash. Bell came to a slow as the Jack Bird got away from him.
He fell back onto his butt with a plop and sigh, "Why am I broke if I kill every monster with one stab?"
His question went unanswered as a Kobold tried to come up behind him. Bell thought if he could just go for the throat, then he could at least collect a magic stone. He turned around quickly as he drove his dagger into the flesh of the monster. His eyes widen as he said aloud, "Nooo! Why did the magic stone shatter from a neck stab!?"
Ash fell before him as he sighed in defeat after listening to his stomach growl, "I'm never going to eat. Am I?"
A variety of Adventurers began to make a run for it. Bell asked one of them, a red head with light gray eyes, "What's up?"
The man shouted as continued to run away, "Minotaurs, Loki Familia trying to wipe em out. But, they're wiping us out."
Bell's eyes looked like Valis currency marks for a moment before running into the Dungeon. He could hear Ms. Eina shouting after him from the Guild Entrance, "Bell! Adventurers shouldn't go on Adventures!"
Bell shouted back, "I gotta eat some time!"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lefiya ran for her life. She didn't know why she chased after Aiz. She couldn't slay a Minotaur. She felt so useless.
Aiz hauled tail trying to save her friend in time. The Minotaur was certainly fast. Already arriving on the fifth floor.
Lefiya closed her eyes and prayed to Loki. No any God that could save her.
Aiz saw an Adventure hungry Level 1 running in. Fear draped it's cold wet coat onto her. She began to tear up seeing such an innocent boy slain before her.
The boy spoke as he went for the Minotaur with his knife, "With a Minotaur magic stone, I might be able to eat ribs. No, forget that. I'll get a whole ham!"
Lefiya opened her eyes as she heard the boy spout his grocery list. She looked back as his knife sank into the monsters chest bursting it into ash with one stab.
She heard the boy cry out in hunger and depression as he fell to his knees dropping his knife, "Why! Oh why!"
Aiz stopped as she looked at the miracle before her. Never before did she see a Level 1 take down a Minotaur with one stab of a Guild issued knife.
The two saw the boy stand up as he noticed the Minotaur Horn. He snatched it up and cried with happiness running away, "A drop item! Alright! 75% off potato puffs here I come!"
Before Lefiya could thank him. The boy ran back the way he came.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bell was munching on potato snacks with a smile on his face. He had never been so happy to stumble across a Minotaur.
Now that he thought about it. That was pretty reckless of him. But, he chucked it up to his stomach wanting to rather be gored than starved.
Bell walked to the Blue Pharmacy and put down a small purse of Valis. Nazza looked at him and spoke, "I heard about the Minotaur you slayed Bell. You should be more careful of the monsters."
Bell replied to his Familia Captain, "I try to be as careful as I can. But, they just keep turning to ash no matter where I stab them."
Nazza's drooped a bit, "That's not what I meant."
Miach congratulated Bell, "Good work Bell. Looks like you need a status update."
Bell and Miach went to another room where Bell took off his shirt. Miach dripped a drop of Ichor and saw the back light up with disturmed electricity. Miach was reminded of the temperamental magic breaker boxes that helped keep the lights on.
Bell Cranel. Race: Human. Occupation: Adventurer. Alias: --
Excelcia: 1,775/195,000
Strength: 99-I, Defense: 95-I, Dexterity: 56-I, Agility: 72-I and Magic: 0-I.
Magic
Skill
Deus ex Machina [The user of this skill will always win a battle. Loss of battle is impossible. So says his gramps! -Z]
Bell asked Miach, "I've been Adventuring for two months now. Have I made it any closer to Leveling up?"
Miach laughed nervously, "I'm afraid not. You're mysterious Skill still is causing you problems gathering Excelcia. But, the good news is that you're almost H in Strength and Defense. You should be able to Go deeper in the Dungeon soon."
Bell turned around quickly after Miach got off his back, "Really, then maybe I can get some more drop items. Maybe I'll be able to finally get a decent meal."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lefiya looked at the file in front of her. Eina had presented the bare bones file to her savior. Aiz was looking at it over her shoulder, "How'd a Level 1 beat a Minotaur."
Eina complained with closed eyes like a worried older sister, "I keep telling Bell to not go on Adventures. I don't know how he did it. Just lucky I guess. But, one day his luck will run out."