Note: I wrote this for a prompt based challenge in the Avatar Amino, called The Boy in the Iceberg Challenge. But I decided to post it here as well, even though I wrote this in quite a short amount of time.
The three prompts I got were: fragments, disappearance, and anguish.
I thought it suited the Fire Nation Royal Family well. But instead of going with the obvious route of writing Zuko's thoughts and experience about Ursa's disappearance, I decided to write Azula's.
I hope you enjoy.
…
She wakes up, and her mother isn't there. She is gone, disappeared one night without even saying goodbye to her.
She wonders if she said goodbye to Zuko, but she doesn't ask. She'd rather not know, because she has a creeping suspicion that she did.
She knows that it is all Zuko's fault, she is smart enough to connect her mother's disappearance with the fact that her father was going to kill Zuko. She would be still here if it wasn't for stupid, weak Zuzu. Not that she wants her to be here, but still, it would be better than Zuko still being here.
"Where is mom?" Zuko asks frantically, even her idiotic brother realizes something's wrong.
"No one knows." Her voice is cruel and uncaring. "Oh, and last night, grandpa passed away."
"Not funny, Azula. You're sick." He sounds accusatory, he sounds like their mother. "And I want my knife back, now." He reaches out to grab the knife she is holding, but Azula dodges him masterfully, dangling the knife in front of him.
"Who's going to make me? Mom?" Her words drip with mockery, and the realization that dawns on her brother makes him run away from her.
Now that her mother is gone, no one can force her to do anything.
...
She quickly realizes that she actually misses her mother. It's only been a few days, but sitting alone in her room at night, she feels the lack of her presence more acutely than ever. Hate her mother as she may, she is still a kid. A little girl whose been abandoned her mother.
She can't help but wonder why she didn't say anything as she left. Is it because she hates her? Because she is a monster that doesn't even deserve a final goodbye?
From the things he lets slip, Azula gathers that her mother did, indeed, say goodbye to Zuzu. So what makes her different than Zuko?
If even her own mother despises her, thinks her a monster, then maybe it is true. Why not become the thing everyone already thinks she is?
That night, she lets her tears fall for her mother for the first time, and she promises herself that it will be the last.
...
After that night, she tries her best to push the thought of her mother to the back of her mind, she knows it will get better in time. But it doesn't.
It gets harder to not think of her as she becomes older, because she is slowly growing into her mother's face. Everytime she looks in the mirror, it's her face she sees. The same bone structure, the same black hair and the same eyes.
She is sure that Zuzu and Father notice, though neither of them says anything.
...
One time, she looks in the mirror and doesn't see her mother in the image of her own reflection. She is there, standing behind her. For a moment, Azula believes that she is real.
But then the words she utters, the words Azula never heard her say before, shatter the illusion. "I love you, Azula."
She would have never said that if she was here, she would tell her how much of a monster she had become. How she was evil and cruel and pathetic and —-
She breaks the mirror, and with it, she breaks down as well.
...
She is in pieces, she is distraught. She has failed.
Her mother's ghost comes to haunt her while she is bound by a strait-jacket, screaming her lungs out.
She looks down at her with pity and sympathy, but Azula knows that her sympathy is a lie, just like anything else with her.
She is the one responsible for her downfall. She has been the one whispering poisonous words to her friends' ears, her brother's, the Avatar's, just like she has been doing to her. She wanted to bring her down.
...
She keeps telling her she loves her, and even though Azula knows it to be the ugliest of lies, it is comforting to hear those words from her, even if she isn't actually there.
...
Zuko finds the audacity to ask her help for finding their mother, after he has been crowned Fire Lord. Azula doesn't reject him, she needs to know why she so desparately wanted her destruction.
This mother-daughter confrontation is long overdue.
...
She finds the letters her father had stashed away, letters written by her mother to her lover. She learns the truth.
She is the only rightful heir to the throne, not Zuko. She wonders briefly if that is why her mother hated her so much.
...
They travel, she, Zuzu, and his little group, just to find her mother. Zuzu might be expecting a loving meeting, but she has other plans.
She will make her mother pay for all the pain and suffering she caused her.
How dare she conspire against her? To steal the throne that is her destiny? She turned everyone against Azula, and now, she will pay the price.
...
She is about to find her, but stupid Zuzu almost ruins it by what he would call an act of selfishness. She has no time for this. She is going to find her, and she is going to find her now.
From the ancient spirit, she learns that her mother had never left her birth village, she just lives there under a new name, with a new face.
The image of the woman she sees in front of her gives her a pause. She recognizes her.
It is the woman who invited them to her house not long ago. It is the woman who seems so happy, without her. It is the woman who has a child who she dotes on, another daughter who is not her.
Why does she love her but never loved Azula? Why did she never looked at her the way she looks at her new daughter, with the same love and affection? Why wasn't she enough?
Her head is starting to spin, she can't stand this. Everything her mother says is a lie, everything she does is an act. Her only purpose is to ruin her.
She runs into the forest, back to Hira'a.
...
She reaches her house at night and finds out that her brother and his friends have beaten her to it. Doesn't matter. She tears the roof down and confronts her mother for the first time in years.
She has dreamed of this moment for long. But seeing the fear in her face makes it hurt in a way she didn't thought was possible, she had looked at her like this before. But now, her mother has no idea about what's happening.
She is trying to escape, but Azula catches her. She is about to finish it off, but the words she hears makes her heart sink.
"If I really am your mother... then I am sorry for not loving you enough."
Tears fill her eyes but she doesn't let them spill. Her mother sounds genuinely regretful and scared, but Azula knows it to be an act. She is trying to manipulate her, she is trying to make Azula spare her life, but in reality, she doesn't give a damn. She wouldn't have left if she did. She wouldn't think her a monster and fear her if she did. She wouldn't have another daughter if she did.
She will not be swayed.
She raises her hand to shoot at her, but Zuko interferes.
Why can't Zuzu just see their mother for who she truly is? A liar. Why is he so insistent on the throne when he never wanted it in the first place? Why is everyone against her?
"You are still my sister." He says, but Azula don't want to hear it. She doesn't have time for another manipulation. She has been manipulated for far too long.
She shoots at him and leaves the house, she can hear him and her mother go after her.
He claims he wants to help her, Azula doesn't believe it. He has never helped her, he couldn't even help himself most of the time. He is weak, even when he is strong.
So she disappears into the forest once again as Zuko calls after her, she runs away from her mother and from all the anguish she had caused for what she hopes to be the last time.