Within just a few hours of the Prologue going live I already got my first favorite. Thank you so so much! I hope you are as excited for this journey as I am. Once again, reviews are very much appreciated.

Chapter One

The Normandy is up and running. Well, more like limping as Tali came to tell me several hours after I had passed out on that couch. The only systems that are functioning are the ones required with flying. Once the navigation systems were even just partially functional, we figured out we were in an uncharted system and we were on our way to the nearest relay. We're quite far. It will take a few days to reach the system. The Normandy sent out the strongest signal it could, telling everyone who was stranded in this system that the Normandy was on its way and we were willing to help. No response was received. We were alone.

Once I woke from my blackout drunk state, I threw myself back into work on the Normandy. We still had lots of work to do, just in case we did run into any stranded survivors. So I ended up running all of the extra med-bay supplies to Dr. Chakwas and helping her store them. We worked mostly in silence.

"Garrus." she said. I looked up at her from the cabinet I was organizing. "Are you ok? I know this must be hard on you. You knew the Commander just as well as I did."

"I'm fine. I'll keep busy. There are more pressing issues."

"No." she said, grasping my shoulder. "The crew tells me you aren't yourself. Maybe you should take a break and head up to her quarters and relax."

"No!" I stood and pulled away from her as soon as the suggestion left her mouth. "No. I can't." Just the memory of that room was enough to open the raw, bleeding hole in my chest.

"Just please come talk to someone before it gets any worse." Her eyes glanced down and I realized I was holding my chest. I dropped my arm to my side.

"I'll be fine." I hoped she didn't hear the lie in my voice.

"Are you sure? Watching her die must have been very traumatic for you. It certainly was for the rest of the crew."

"I'm sure." She was about to ask more questions. I lifted my hand between us, silencing her. "Please, Dr. Chakwas. I promise I'll come talk if I need to. But I'm fine. We have more pressing matters to attend to. Matters that will keep me more than occupied."

It was silent for a minute longer. We had both gone back to storing the supplies.

"Please, Garrus, talk to me. Be honest. Are you ok?"

"I already told you, I will be. Now please, leave me be."

Too many questions. I needed a drink. I guess I've done enough for today. I turn to walk out the door. Dr. Chakwas tries to stop me. "Please… I just can't."

"Can't what? Talk about it? I don't know much about Turian physiology or psychology but I am willing to work with you and help you. Maybe I can find some anti-depressants that will work for you… Please let me help you."

Everything were becoming too much. "I don't need your help!" I shouted. I stormed to the door. I felt bad about shouting at her already. "I need hers." I whispered over my shoulder. This time I grabbed a full bottle of wine and headed for her quarters.

I walked in and her smell overtook me. Nobody had dared come up here since… I opened the bottle and took a long drink as I stumbled to the couch.

By the middle of the bottle, I was good and drunk. I was getting close to passing out. I heard footsteps approaching. Were they limping or was I just drunk? A figure appeared at the doorway. I couldn't tell who it was. My vision was so blurry. But I could smell that it wasn't Shepard.

"Go away!" I shouted. "You're ruining it."

"Garrus." Joker sounded exasperated. "We need to talk."

"No. Get out! Leave me alone."

Just to spite me he sat on the coffee table directly in front of me. I crossed my arms and looked away.

"Garrus," he whispered, "this needs to stop. She wouldn't want you to be like this."

"You don't know her!" I stood and shouted in his face but because of how drunk I was, I ended up falling back down on the couch.

It was silent for a moment before he said, "Garrus, man, you need to remember, she loved you. She had every intention of coming back to you. But she couldn't come back to you unless the Reapers were destroyed."

I put my head in my hands and sobbed. I already knew all of this.

"Don't you think I'm also quite pissed about the situation…? You know what? No. I'm not dealing with you weepy and drunk!" He yelled at me. "I only came up here because Liara overheard you and Dr. Chakwas earlier."

It was quiet again. Joker was positioning himself to stand. I reached out. "Wait. Can I… Can we talk… now?"

"Of course, buddy." He moved and sat beside me. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"Our last conversation… She wanted to be with me… forever. She wanted to raise kids with me, retire with me."

"Wow. I didn't realize she was so serious with you. I thought it was mostly just sex… or whatever it is you do up here."

I took another drink, a long one. I didn't want those memories to resurface. I didn't want to think about our time together in this room. I was glad my vision was too blurry to see the bed, but I averted my eyes anyway.

"She also said that if things went sideways and I lived and she… didn't…" I took another swig. "She would be looking down on me from the bar."

"She does love you, Garrus. Get that through your thick head. You have to remember that."

"I know. I love her too. But I feel… Abandoned. I was expecting to feel her presence, feel her watching."

"Maybe that just means she is at peace, wherever she ends up. Probably in Hell. She made a lot of mistakes."

"She did. But she's not perfect. She's just human."

"Barely. She could almost be considered a cyborg with all of those implants Cerberus installed into her brain." That gave me an idea, gave me hope.

"Or maybe… maybe it means she isn't dead."

"Garrus…" he threw his head back.

"Hear me out." I knew he wouldn't. "Those implants were made to keep her vital signs stable while she recovered from being spaced, right?" I knew Joker wasn't paying any attention any more but I continued anyway. "What if those kept her alive during the blast?"

"No. All tech was destroyed. If anything those chips exploded in her brain, probably killing her further. You know what? No, Garrus, no. Don't go down that road. There is no way she survived that. That blast was huge. This is just denial. You're grieving. And drunk. What is that? Your fourth drink today?"

"Third… ish. Not the point. She's alive. I know it. I can feel it. We need to get to Earth as soon as possible." His face said it all. He didn't believe me. He pitied me.

I turned and looked into his eyes. "Joker, please. I need more than her name on the memorial wall. I need to find her body. She needs a proper burial. I need… I need to see in order to move on."

"I'll… see what I can do. We can't go much of anywhere without getting to that Relay. Can you just focus on what's happening on the ship for now? We need you to scout for anything we can use to fix the Normandy or the Relay and any survivors."

"Yes, I can do that. I'll go check my gear." I move to stand up.

"Hold up. Before I can let you go scout, you need to be sober. Go see Chakwas and see what she can do for you."

"On it." I stood and stumbled out of her quarters and to the med-bay, Joker followed close behind me.