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Chapter Eight

The shuttle from the hospital dropped me off at the docking bay for the Normandy. I saw only James standing outside the airlock. He watched as I approached the Normandy. Could he see my exhaustion in my body language? I wasn't sure. But I still tried to hold myself like a soldier.

"What's up? What did Hackett want?" James asked as soon as I was in hearing range.

I ignored him and entered the airlock. As soon as it was finished cycling, I said to Joker, "Debrief in the war room. I want your ass there, too."

His chair swiveled and he gave me an odd look. I could feel James' eyes boring into the back of my head as well. Whatever emotion my face betrayed must have been enough for him to not question me.

"Aye, aye, Sir." Joker stood from his chair and EDI, James and I walked at his pace to the war room. As they took their place at the table, I called a debrief in the war room, using my omni-tool. After a few minutes, the last of the crew walked in.

"What is this about?" Liara asked as she took her place at the table. Her gaze turned weary as she noticed Joker leaning against EDI. She knew this must be very important for me to have pulled the pilot away from the helm.

All eyes turned to me. "Commander Shepard. I saw her myself. She is alive." It was the first time I had spoken those words aloud and they felt good. As I said it, I felt myself straighten up. Had I been slouching this whole time? I felt relaxed. I could breathe again.

There was a stunned silence all around me. Then the room blew up in noise. Everyone was asking so many questions above one another, I couldn't understand a single one. "Woah, woah!" I shouted above the noise. "One at a time."

"How…?" Tali asked, hesitantly. She didn't want to get her hopes up.

"Miranda and her team found her shortly after the blast. Her heart was failing. She was - and still is - in super critical condition. Miranda and a team of doctors have cloned organs for her and it should take six to eight weeks for them to fully mature. Until then, they essentially have her on life support."

"When can we see her?" Liara asked.

"I don't know. For now, it's family only."

"Then why were you allowed to see her? She doesn't have any family." James said.

"Miranda is her lead physician and she understands the situation she and I were in. She has deemed me the closest thing to next of kin that she has."

"How bad is it?" Tali asked. I was hoping nobody would ask this question. I didn't want to remember her broken body in front of me. But it seemed I didn't have a choice. I closed my eyes and when they opened again, all I could see was her broken body in front of me. That sight would only continue to haunt me.

When I came back to reality, I was hunched over, using the table for support as Tali gently rubbed my back. I was breathing heavily. "I won't lie." My voice sounded strained. "She's in bad shape. It's a miracle she is even alive. But the doctors are doing all they can. We just need to be patient."

"We made it and, somehow, she's alive. What now, Com- Garrus?" Joker asked.

"I'm going to be spending as much time at the hospital as I can. While I'm ashore, Joker and EDI are in charge. The rest of you can consider it shore leave. If any of you wish to leave the ship more permanently, come see me in her quarters and I'll have Admiral Hackett reassign you."

"I believe I speak for the whole crew when I say, none of us wish to leave the ship at this time," Javik spoke up. The rest of the crew nodded or made noises of agreement in response.

"Thank you. I'm sure that would mean a lot to her. I'm going to go rest in her quarters if anyone needs to talk privately. Everyone, dismissed."

I walked out, and some followed until they had to branch off to their stations. I ended up going to her quarters alone. Apparently, nobody needed to talk to me.

As I stepped into the room, I got the sense of missing something. I glanced around the room, allowing my eyes to rest on her things. That is when I realized what was missing. The pain. I could look around her room and remember our time together and know that it won't be the last time. I felt light. I walked to the side of her bed. This was the closest to it that I had been since our time together before the final push. Well, aside from the bad day I'd had. Guilt and shame washed over me. I regretted putting the crew through that.

Looking at her bed, I felt no pain. I sat down on top of her covers and ran my hands across the bedding. Still no pain. This new hope was good. I could breathe again… live again. I settled myself under her covers and laid my head on her pillow and fell asleep quickly and sober for the first time in over a month.