Of the Avengers not previously acquainted with the son of Coul's discipline methods, Thor is probably the least surprised. In fact, he finds it mildly disconcerting that the others seem surprised at all. Banner looks nervous, a tad bit more than usual. Rogers purses his lips, taking on the appearance of a slightly chagrined cherub (Thor has seen cherubs, in his interplanetary travels. The resemblance is all in the eyes). Stark looks ready to collapse. He stumbles off to a sideboard, mumbling something about whiskey.
"I do not understand," Thor says, turning his back to the flames. "Is corporal punishment not common on earth?"
"It's mostly reserved for children and adolescents," Natasha says, and then smirks. "But it's more common than you'd think, thanks to people like Clint here."
"Oh, shut it." Clint says without heat, lowering himself into the couch with a grimace. "Don't pretend like you haven't had your fair share of spankings."
Banner chokes slightly, but he hides it in a sip of tea.
"On Asgard we find it most efficient." Thor smiles slightly at the memory of his home planet. "The officers in Odin's host would be hard pressed to handle their duties without a trusty strap at hand. It's good for morale, I believe."
"Well, I'm glad you're so excited about it," Tony growls, pouring himself another couple of fingers. "Straps? It sounds horrible. Please tell me Coulson doesn't use a strap."
"No, no," Clint shudders. "Don't worry your pretty little head, Stark. He gets on quite well with his hand and a paddle, sometimes. But, yeah, do you guys mind if we change the subject? Not really my favourite thing to talk about."
"God, yes," Tony says.
Thor allows their chatter to move on without him, as he mulls over Clint's reassurance to Tony. A hand spanking might be sufficient for a puny Midgardian backside, but he cannot really imagine himself going about wincing like Clint is doing after being slapped a few times. But he would be loathe to undermine Coulson's authority, or to distance himself from the camaraderie that mutual suffering creates among warriors. Turning his belly back towards the fire, he resolves to make a detour the next time he goes back to Asgard. A handmade strap, made by the master leatherworkers his father's officers favour, would make a handsome gift for the son of Coul.
Despite Thor's kindly intentions, he does not have the chance to shower Coulson with gifts before he ends up in trouble with the man.
In his defence, the alien creature glomping around Queens does look very similar to a Bilgesnipe. Except that it has none of the Bilgesnipe's charms, few as they may be, and all of its vices plus a few especially nasty tricks up its sleeve. One of them being the ability to feed of the life force of anything that touches him skin-to-skin.
Thor does not pay much attention to the wake of limp bodies the creature leaves in its wake, as he trundles through the late afternoon traffic. When Rogers sprints past him, steps off a parked car and slams his fist into the creature's head, trying to head him off from a frightened group of children on the sidewalk, the creature barely blinks. Rogers, however, falls to the ground in a heap. Poor weak Midgardian.
A blast from Tony manages to succeed in heading off the beast, but Thor has had enough. He's vaguely aware of Coulson booming in his ear, telling him to stand down with a voice that demands to be obeyed, but he's already looking forward to testing his strength against the creature that has bested Rogers so easily.
He swings his hammer, shooting up into the air over the creature. Then he slams his whole body down, landing a punch on the back of the creature's neck that would have sent any Bilgesnipe home to its mother in tears.
There is something that felt like all the blood being sucked out of his bode. Then there is darkness.
Thor wakes up just what can be only a few moments later. He's on a pavement, with Rogers next to him looking as dazed as he feels. In the distance he can still hear screams, the growls of the Hulk and the shattering of glass. He rolls onto his side, stretching out his hand for Mjolnir, trying to force his doddering legs to obey him.
"Don't," A sharp voice says. He looks up, to where Coulson is standing above him. He's still in his usual suit and crisp white shirt, but he's wearing a black armoured vast over it and holding one of the largest guns Thor has seen in his many centuries of existence. "Move a muscle and I'll kick your ass right here, buddy."
Thor allows Mjolnir to clink onto the pavement next to him and rolls back onto his shoulders.
"My help is needed."
"Your help is not needed at the moment. The rest of the team has the creature mostly under control, and if they can herd him back to the park where he manifested it's most likely he'll be sucked right back to where he ought to be. Thank goodness that Hulk seems to be impervious to whatever nasty tricks he plays."
"What is that thing, anyways?" Rogers asks. He's sitting up, Thor reasons, only because he has had longer to recovery than he has had.
"No idea," Coulson says. "We have plenty of footage and observations, thought, so our analysts will have enough to go on."
"One thing is for certain," Thor says grimly. "It is no Bilgesnipe."
He expects it, of course, when Coulson asks him to stay after briefing.
The son of Coul is back in his jacket and tie, and he looks nowhere near as intimidating as he did a few hours ago on that pavement. He nods at a chair when they're alone, and then leans on the table, a mildly interested look on his face.
There's moment of silence in which Coulson just looks at him, and Thor realises that it is not, after all, the gun that makes the man intimidating.
"Tell me, what did you think when Steve went down?"
Poor, weak Midgardian.
The shock of the realisation, and of Coulson somehow knowing the heart of the matter and putting his finger on it so accurately, strikes Thor dumb for a moment. He feels his face growing hot.
"Ah," Coulson says mildly. "It shames you, doesn't it, thinking back at what went through your mind? You thought that he was weak, perhaps, easily bested. You revelled in the glory of felling the creature that had taken down the weak humans so easily."
"I..." Thor drops his gaze. "You are right, Coulson. It was pride that led me to my downfall."
"And pride that might lead you to your death, someday." Coulson's eyes are shrewd in his, when he manages to look up again. "There is no denying that you are a powerful warrior, Thor Odinson, but no warrior can be truly powerful until he has mastered himself."
"I beg your forgiveness," Thor says, earnestly. "I should have listened to your orders, and I should not have thought myself above my teammates."
"You have it." Coulson says, equally in earnest. He heaves himself to his feet. "Come on, then. Clint has no doubt told you about how I deal with transgressions."
Thor stands as well, but he gives Coulson a slightly apologetic look.
"I had meant..." He's not sure how to say this, but he forges on anyway. "I had meant, on next returning to my home, to bring you a gift. A strap, of the kind that is used on Asgard. I don't...I am willing to take whatever punishment you deem fit, naturally, but I do not wish you to injure yourself."
Coulson swells slightly, and it doesn't seem to be from anger.
"Don't trouble yourself," he says, a note of laughter in his voice. "I'll stop the minute that I feel that I might injure myself. Go on, over the table you go." Thor bends, struggling for a moment to find a comfortable position over the narrow piece of wood. Behind him, Coulson's voice takes on a decidedly humorous note. "I warn you however, buddy, that you might feel yourself bound to be injured long before I do."
Thor pauses just outside the elevator on the common floor, waiting for his teammates to look at him.
"I have something to confess," he tells the assembled Avengers in front of the fire. "I had thought to make a gift to Coulson of an Asgardian strap. I thought his Midgardian punishments might not make enough of an impression on me. I misjudged your fortitude, Clint, my friend."
"I take it you've been disabused of the notion?" Clint asks, seemingly not overly worried by the confession.
"The son of Coul," Thor pauses for dramatic effect. "The son of Coul has no need for an Asgardian strap. Not even a little one."
Should I have included the actual spanking? I'm always torn because as a reader I sometimes enjoy a good fade-to-black as much as getting all the gory details... Tell me what you think and I'll keep it in mind for the following chapters!
Tremulous xx