Sorry I didn't post yesterday. My husband had the day off and I decided to focus on spending time with him. Sorry not sorry. The same is gonna happen tomorrow as he has another day off. Once again, thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites and follows. I am so glad to see people are liking this. Enjoy and review please!
I do need to preface this chapter with another trigger warning. This chapter has mention and depictions of panic attacks. This is based on my own experience with panic attacks. (Don't worry, its in the past. I'm much better now.) I know not everyone experiences them the same.
Chapter Ten
The hours passed slowly. Miranda monitored Shepard's brain activity remotely while Tali and EDI worked together on the calculations. While I waited, I caught myself up with what was going on around earth. My mind went numb watching the reconstruction efforts.
A terminal screen started beeping loudly, pulling Miranda away from her simulations. She glanced at the screen for a fraction of a second before muttering "Shit," and rushing out of the room. On instinct, I followed. I heard Tali's footsteps behind me.
My heart dropped as soon as I recognized that Miranda was rushing to Shepard's OR. Normally, I was fairly graceful for a Turian. But at that moment, my feet faltered under me. I regained myself enough to keep running. Though my chest was becoming tight, my vision blurry and my hearing muffled, I pushed on. At the door to the OR, I was forced to a stop. Inside there were so many people, doctors and nurses, all being commanded by Miranda.
I was close to collapsing. My heart was racing, my chest tight. All I could see was through tunnel vision. All I could hear was the blood rushing past my ears. Was I dying? Was she? A moment later, all I could see, through my tunnel vision, was Tali's helmet. She was talking to me, but at first all I could hear was the rushing pounding noise in the back of my head.
I closed my eyes wanting to disappear, but they couldn't stay closed for long. When I opened them, I could hear Tali talking to me in the calmest voice she possibly could.
"Garrus… Breathe. Please breathe. There you go, come back to me. Shepard is alive. She is alive."
I came back to reality. I was on my knees, Tali on hers, in front of me, one hand clutching one of mine and the other forcing me to look her in the face. I had no recollection of falling. My other arm was wrapped around my chest. My heart was still racing, but starting to slow. I was hyperventilating, but that was also starting to return to normal. Tali must have seen that I was back with it, as she pulled me into a hug. I heard the faintest noise of her sobbing, so I kept holding her.
While I did so, I looked into the windows of the OR doors. But from the floor, all I could see was the paneled ceiling. I listened as best I could to the room. I could hear Miranda's voice, issuing commands and steady beeping of machines. Was she okay?
After a few tense minutes, I heard Miranda order to the room. "Okay, Good work everyone. I want progress updates from each team every half hour. Dismissed."
A moment later doctors and nurses gave me weary looks as they exited the OR. A young human nurse stopped to help me. I froze, not knowing how to react. Thankfully, Miranda came over before the nurse could say anything and waved her away. She left down the hall.
Once she was out of earshot, Miranda said. "Come to my office, let's talk." Tali stood and held a hand out to help me up. I took it and stood on shaky, half-numb legs. Miranda started walking down the hall.
"Wait," I said. I sounded breathless, like I had run a marathon. "I need to see if she is okay."
Miranda turned, her eyes were soft. "You will be able to see her. But we need to talk in my office first."
I didn't have the energy to fight. I still felt lightheaded. "Can Tali come with?" I asked.
She nodded and walked down the hall. I followed, Tali's hand on my shoulder.
We finally made it to her office. She pointed us to a couch in a small seating area. Across from a short table, she sat in a chair.
"Long story short, she coded." I wasn't sure what that meant, but Miranda continued. "Her heart stopped."
"Is she…?" I couldn't finish my sentence. Thankfully, I didn't have to.
"She's alive. And in much the same state you saw her in yesterday with another broken rib…" she paused to shake her head in disappointment. "I recommend changing the treatment strategy. We can't afford to up the sedative at all. But we can up the steroids to help her organs grow faster. But that can cause some other complications later and, of course, the risk of her waking too soon."
I put my head in my hands. It was silent as I thought over my options, her options.
"What has the best odds for the best outcome?"
"The altered treatment strategy would have the best odds especially if you don't visit her."
I looked up. The pain in my eyes made her flinch.
"We can move her to the teaching OR. There are viewing windows. You would not be able to be close to her but you could see her from a distance."
I shook my head. That thought was too painful. I had to be able to be with her. But I had to do what was best for her. No matter how bad it hurt me.
"Yeah, do it. But don't bother moving her. I'll just head back to the Normandy. Feel free to send me updates or call me here for meetings or my decisions on further care." I stood. There was stunned silence. I left the room, intending to take a shuttle to the Normandy and keeping myself in a drunken coma for the next six to eight weeks. Tali caught up with me as I was rounding the corner.
"Are you sure you're making the right choice?"
I didn't even slow. "Yes. The altered strategy is better for her if I don't visit. So I won't."
"Not even from a distance?"
"No… It will be too painful for me." She could not convince me otherwise and she knew it. So she just walked with me.