When Eddie pulls into the parking lot at the station the following day it's with dark circles under his eyes and a pinched expression. He had spent all night haunted by the morose tune that had been playing as he drove away from Buck last night.
All night he had tossed and turned in bed while thoughts of Buck and the state of their friendship had tossed and turned in his mind. He hadn't managed much sleep by the time he had to rise for the day and get Christopher ready for school. The pitiful state of the breakfast he'd prepared of equal parts mushy and burnt pancakes only served as a reminder of the person missing from the third chair at their table. Christopher was polite as usual and ate as much as he could manage without grimacing at the taste before Eddie put his utensils down and made eye contact with his son.
"These are gross aren't they?' Eddie asks with a smile at his son who was rubbing the sleepy seeds from his eyes while trying to wash down the taste with as much orange juice as he could. Christopher giggled at the abrupt question.
'Yeah' Christopher had nodded with a toothy grin. 'They're pretty gross.'
After that Eddie had bundled his son into his truck to go get some real breakfast at the dinner close to the school before dropping Christopher off. Now sitting in his truck in front of the station Eddie heaved a great sigh as he had come to some hard realizations last night. Number one being that he was being a pretty shitty friend when it comes to Buck and it was well past time that they all let go of the lingering hurt and resentment from the lawsuit. Number two being that he really needed to find alternative coping mechanisms as street fighting was not the best example to set for his impressionable son. The third realization was something he had merely brushed on before shutting down any more of those thoughts. Talking things out with Buck would be hard enough without involving his stupid feelings for the man.
Eddie is early to his shift in part thanks to the early drop off time for Christopher to get to school on time and because he really wants to catch Buck on his way in to invite him over this evening to talk. He waits in his truck until ten minutes to shift start and then he caves in deciding he will try to catch Buck later. It was unusual for him to come in later than an hour earlier than everyone else according to B shift. In the back of his mind, he worried that maybe something had happened since last night.
He's in the locker room storing his items in his locker alone as everyone from B shift was already changed and leaving to go home and his own shift had already come and gone. They were probably already in the loft enjoying some breakfast a la Bobby. He's alone when Buck comes slumping in to change into his own uniform. He looks worse for wear with his own dark circles permeating his eyes as he stiffly changes. Eddie's eyes widen at the sight of Buck's shirtless form. He was very familiar with how Buck looked shirtless given all the time they've spent together on and off shift. This was different though. He had never seen Buck in this state with his ribs trying to escape the confines of his skin. There was a concave to his stomach that hadn't been there before and his once prominent muscles were looking as diminished as the rest of him.
Eddie takes a step forward, 'Buck..' He rakes his eyes over Buck as the man in question slowly turns, still adjusting to the fact that people were talking to him again. 'You okay?'
Buck gives the smallest of smiles. The kind that resonates a deep sadness and doesn't reach his eyes. He gives a slight nod and says, 'Yeah' so quiet that it could have been a whisper. Buck pulls his shirt over his head and stows his items in his locker. He secures his items with a lock and nods at Eddie in passing as he heads out of the locker room.
As Eddie is left standing in the locker room alone he can't help but think it odd that Buck is using a lock now. That's never been the case in all of the time he has been at the 118. Like the newfound use of the laundry machines at the station, this is a behavior that Eddie can't help but think has a deeper meaning behind it. He decides to tuck that thought away in the back of his mind for this evenings conversation.
He realizes only once he is ascending the stairs to the loft that he never did get to ask Buck to come over for the evening. He observes Hen and Chim lounging about on the sofa while Bobby is already in his office receiving pass on from the B shift captain. It appears he had been late to the show for breakfast from Bobby, though he notes the presence of two plates on the counter, most likely one for him and one for Buck if last night's event were anything to go on. Buck didn't seem to get the memo however as he was already flitting about the loft picking up after B shift and readying for his chore list today.
Eddie settles in at the table eating his breakfast solo and contemplating how he was going to broach the conversation for this evening. All the while his eyes trail after Buck watching as he goes from one are to the next cleaning and sorting supplies. He loses track once Buck goes into the back of the ambulance to double check that inventory has been restocked. That is typically a job for either Hen or Chim, however it seems that Buck has taken the responsibility lately either out of obligation or because he simply wanted to make amends and this is how he thought he could do that.
Meanwhile in Bobby's office he's sat opposite of Captain Richmont going over their shifts calls and updates.
'Overall, it was a relatively q- slow day.' Captain Richmont caught himself on the word quiet, not wanting to bring down the wrath of the universe on the opposing shift. Bobby looked up sharply and shared a smile with the captain, both appreciating the memory of the youngest A shift team member stuck in a car wash after uttering the cursed word.
With that Captain Richmont stood stretching his muscles before heading toward the office door. On his way out the captain turned back and called over his shoulder, 'One more thing – Jones found some laundry left over in the dryer from yesterday. It's not anyone's on our side so it may be one of your guys?' He gestures to the basket in the corner that Bobby has only just noticed.
Bobby nods his thanks and bids the man a good day off.
He sits back in his chair with a sign, knowing exactly who's laundry this was after the events of yesterday. Upon closer inspection he could see that the articles of clothing were very much past their prime and over worn. This wasn't the typical wardrobe adorning Buck as he has always been mindful of his appearance. Bobby frowns slightly lost in his thoughts on the young man.
It was odd that the items were in such a condition and that he was washing his things at the station in the first place. It wasn't entirely uncommon for some of the firefighters to do a load while on duty, however this was a first for Buck. Or the first time he noticed. Deciding that he should alert the youngest on his team he strides across the office and opens the door.
Upon a quick glance he notes Hen and Chim goofing off on the couch playing a video game and Eddie sat firmly in his chair at the table looking very pensive. What he doesn't see is the blond mop of his target member. He walks across the loft calling out to his fellow team mates, 'Hey, you guys seen Buck?'
Hen and Chim pause the game and make eye contact briefly before turning to Bobby and shaking their heads in unison. Hen voices, 'He was up here a few minutes ago, so he's somewhere around here.'
Bobby nods again and they return to their activity. He decides to let it go for now. He'll catch up with the younger man around lunch time. Best not interrupt his morning chores.
The day goes on as per usual. By lunch time everyone is sitting around almost anxious for the bell to ring. It's nearly unheard of for them to go 5 solid hours without a call but today seems to be the exception. By noon Buck has nearly completed all of his daily chores and given that the trucks haven't been out he has not needed to clean them nor restock them today.
Bobby takes the opportunity before lunch time to pull Buck aside as he's walking by his office door. Eddie from his vantage point on the couch trails Buck with his eyes as he makes his way through the fire station completing his tasks and then when Bobby calls from his office door he watches Buck turn around prepared for more chores.
'Buck! Can I talk to you in here for a minute?' Bobby calls out to Buck as he walks by, deciding to take the opportunity in the lull of activity to inform him about his laundry and ask about yesterday's dinner.
Buck, assuming that he is in trouble nods and follows Bobby into the office with his head bowed and shoulders slumping.
Bobby gestures for Buck to take a seat across from him and Buck accepts begrudgingly. He pulls the seat another foot from the desk and sits as far back as he can manage trying to make himself small. Bobby can't help but think he looks more like a teenager in the principal's office right now than the fully grown man he is. Bobby sits in his chair and leans forward with his fingers interlaced in front of him on the desk.
"What do you want to talk to me about Captain?' Buck asks quietly, hesitant to speak too loud for fear of agitating the man.
Bobby examines him for a moment more before sighing heavily. Buck tenses up at this, already on edge and awaiting his reprimand. 'Captain Richmont informed me that there was some items left in the dryer from our shift yesterday.' He gestures to the basket of neatly folded clothing that someone on B shift had kindly taken the time to sort. Buck pales at the sight wondering how he could have been so absent minded as to leave a load in the dryer for B shift to deal with.
Before he can say anything Bobby continues with, 'I also noticed that they're in rough shape'
Not able to recognize Bobby's statement as concerned, Buck flushes a deep red filling with unbelievable shame. 'I'm so sorry. I'll- I'll do better. I'll buy some new things so that I don't make you or the fire house look bad. I mean more than I already have.' Buck is already cycling through his rations in his mind determined to cut out any excess he can to afford some new clothes this week. Great job Buckley. Keep giving them reasons to be done with you.
'Buck that's not what I meant.' Bobby tries to cut in but the inner monologue has already taken hold.
He stands as if there is a fire setting off the alarm, the shame staining a deep red across his cheeks. 'I'm gonna take these out to my car now so no one else has to see!' With that Buck rushes out with the basket in tow. He takes the stairs two at a time precariously balancing the basket in his arms as he tries to avoid tripping over his own two feet.
Eddie gets up to follow him in his mad dash, worried about whatever had transpired in Bobby's office to make Buck rush off like that.
He catches up to Buck in the parking lot as he's placing the basket in the backseat of his Jeep. He notes the heavy flush to Buck's face and the abject misery painted in his eyes as he leans against the door frame of his car.
'Buck?' He says the name gently, unsure if the man in question was even able to recognize that someone had followed him out. He was the perfect picture of exhaustion at this point and Eddie was beyond worried about the man's mental state after paying attention for the last two days.
Buck lifts his eyes to meet Eddie's and utters, 'I'll be right back in.' as if to justify why he was outside. As if he was worried it would appear as if he was slacking. Worried that Eddie would think the worst of him, but didn't that track given how everything has gone over the last 2 months?
Eddie winces and can't help but wonder if he had been heard in the locker room yesterday before they attempted to rouse the youngest member. He takes a step forward ready to finally talk to Buck and put everything past them or at least take that first step.
"I just - I just need a minute.' Buck only just manages to get those words out before his eyes are rolling into the back of his head and he's falling in a heap onto the hard cement. The last thing he feels is a hard knock to his head just behind his ear as he goes down and then everything fades out.