A/N (1) Previously on Chuck versus The Journey: The Happy End. Everything below is just a zany epilogue. Thank you, everybody. It was a mind-blowing experience. Y'all are fantastic.
We're one of a kind
Like dip da dip da dip do wop di dooby do
Our names are signed
Like boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby do wop she bop
Chang chang, changity chang shoo bop
We'll always be like one
Wa-wa-wa-one.
Ramma Lamma lamma, ka dingity ding da dong
Shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yippity boom da boom
Chang chang, changity chang shoo bop
Yip da dip da dip shoo bop sha dooby do
Boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby do wop she bop
Sha na na na na na na na yippity boom di boom
A-womp bop a-looma
A-womp bam boom!
"We Go Together" (Warren Casey & Jim Jacobs)
Chapter 49: Charah vs. FF (or: The Crazy Epilogue)
They stormed into their suite very late at night like teenagers, holding hands and laughing, one moment Chuck dragging her along, the other Sarah in the lead and pulling him. Their naked feet made a happy rhythm on the ever-present marble in the hotel.
They had dropped their swimming gear, which they had only worn to get to and back from the night beach, almost before the door behind them had closed. They even had a small adventure hiding from the nightly beach patrols searching for drug dealers and other unpleasant contemporaries, while the only offenses they could have been found guilty of would have been public nudity and indecent behavior. As seen from the law enforcer's side. From their point of view, it was love.
Sarah quickly showered while Chuck was busy in their room, and she thought a few times she would faint. Less than two weeks ago, she had not dreamt that peeking out of the bathroom while drying herself would reveal a naked man preparing a small midnight mouthful to eat, and that most of the thoughts on her mind would be how much she loved that guy and how it would be to make him her late-night snack. But she had controlled her yearning, allowed him to shower, restraining herself from jumping right back in with him.
The very light meal eventually had recharged his batteries too, the fact that she insisted that they would eat in the buff probably have helped to keep him alert for the dessert that she would serve. To her delight, they wouldn't have any clothes to shed when they retreated to their bed.
She loved how he noted every tiniest movement of her body and simultaneously tried to look into her eyes. She was not going to tell him that it was OK this time. It was genuinely entertaining to watch him in return, and she did not hide one or the other glance that expressed a hunger of a different kind. Her amusement reached new heights when he accidentally bit his own finger, and she could remind him that the only one allowed to bite and devour him was one Sarah Walker, whichever part of his body that was.
She eventually pulled him into bed, equanimous and confident, knowing she could light the fire anytime she wanted. It was like Chuck and Sarah ceased to exist when they sank into each other's arms. It seemed there were two souls connected forever who utilized their physical appearances to reassure themselves by touches given, kisses shared, sounds voiced and scents inhaled.
"Down at the beach… or better… in the water…" he began before he even had pulled the duvet up to their middles which made her snicker inwardly.
"Yeah?" she said lasciviously. That was going exactly where her thoughts were going.
"You are sure there's a Mile Deep Club? Would we have qualified? It wasn't exactly a mile deep there, thank God, but it was fantastic. You were fantastic, Sarah."
He saw her expression and already knew she would come up with one of her uninhibited innuendos that did his ego so good. He never had expected that Sarah would have bawdy quips in her repertory, but strictly among them two, she showed him that side of her now and then.
"Oh yes, you easily qualified– it felt a mile deep, my sweet nerd."
Chuck profusely blushed as Sarah wiggled a finger at him with a saucy grin.
"You… you… you're very good, you."
Chuck broke out in laughter. "You've seen the movie?"
"What movie?" she asked, perplexed. One week close to him had not made her an expert in movie quotes; besides, they mostly had looked into each other's eyes, so there hadn't been much opportunity to study famous films. Chuck, of course, knew what she quoted unwittingly.
"Analyze This; Robert DeNiro and Billy Crystal appear as-"
"Chuck?" She was so much in love with him that she would learn by heart all the scripts to his favorite movies and surprise him with her knowledge, but right now, her heart was in a different place, and he seemed to pick up that she was not in for cineaste talk.
"Uhm, yes?"
Her gaze was full of love and understanding, but there was a time for being a nerd, and a time for being a man. And she knew what time it was now and would him alert to it.
"Let's watch the movie sometime. Forget about it for now. Do you think the night ended when you handed me a towel after leaving the sea from… mile deep?"
"When will the night end?" Chuck asked, and the next moment wanted to smack his forehead as her mischievous grin foretold what she was going to say.
"Hmmm… I'm pretty sure the night only ends when you throw in the towel…"
"How are you going to accomplish that?" He asked with genuine interest. Being defeated by Sarah Walker in the close combat of love promised to be a victorious experience.
"Wait till I pull some more tricks out of my sleeves," she announced.
"What sleeves?"
He rolled over and, with his lips almost touching her skin, inspected with mock concentration her hands, forearm, and upper arm.
"There's no sleeve, Miss Walker. Where are those tricks you promised me?"
"Ok, my imaginary sleeves, if you insist," she patiently conceded because it didn't matter in the end where she pulled her tricks from as long as these left both of them deeper in love every time.
"So, you are imaginarily clothed while I don't even have a loincloth," he complained, not looking a bit worried that all he could cover himself with was a blond angel. Due to their cover evenings, she already had a good deal of images in her mental cinema, and the word 'loincloth' triggered one.
"Don't start to yell like Tarzan!"
"Well," he grinned mischievously, "You did your fair share of yelling too, the last few hours."
Sarah blushed. She never had thought that there could be a man who made her cry out as only lovers do, cries sincerely coming out of the depth of her soul, provoked by the touch of their bodies and the connection of their hearts, but here he was, warm, exciting and curly.
"Hey, hey, tell me, was that real? Did you really blush?"
C'mon, Chuck, it's the memory of those moments that makes me blush with joy!
"Yes. That was pretty lewd and pretty true what you said, and I blushed. So what. You know what we did. Being reminded of it makes me all flustered," she admitted.
"But you also blushed when we chatted with the Kowalskis. How can I ever know if you blushed for real?"
"Chuck, when I came to the Buy More the first time to have my phone fixed-"
"-which was manipulated-"
"Sure, it was. In these few moments, I was an agent. I thought, yup, piece of cake to have this… geek tell me all he knows with minimum effort."
"Ha!" he said triumphantly. "But you couldn't know this geek was a nerd, and we nerds are far more dangerous than we look!"
She looked amused, clearly memorizing the moment when her world had changed - so much more than she could comprehend back then.
"You can say that again. The moment you left me, clearly flirting with you, standing there to help that little ballerina, something clicked inside me."
"And the rest is history," Chuck beamed.
"Well," she said with an apologizing tone changing the topic. "Not yet. I am so sorry you have to work another three months at the Nerd Herd. We didn't know that the Buy More is such a complicated place and that its madness of bureaucracy rivals our own."
"It's OK. Another three months won't kill me," Chuck assured.
"I can't be helped, but I'm a bit disappointed anyway. But we want to have your new position waterproof. No tricks, no fakes, simply the standard procedure it takes to establish such a position at the Buy More. Who could have known that they take longer to set up a medium-level administrative job than they would have needed in the old Soviet Union."
Sarah gave him a pensive look. There was a tiny speck of Agent Walker in it, not more than a dash of Angostura Bitters in an Old Fashioned cocktail.
"And I am surprised about something else Dunford told me on the phone."
Chuck was generous regarding learning about it or not, and that was decidedly suspicious. "You needn't tell me if it's top secret."
But she wanted to tell him because she had an inkling.
"Bryce has quit the CIA."
"He has, has he?" Chuck murmured and looked not at all surprised, but not into her eyes.
Sarah nodded while keeping her gaze on him.
"Mmh-hm. They let him go with immediate effect and arranged a job at an insurance company in Connecticut for him. You wouldn't know anything about it, possibly… Chuckie?"
He coughed silently. The sensual mirth waned a bit from his features and gave way to calm seriousness.
"I know you're the badass in this relationship, but I will do anything I can to keep you out of harm's way… to protect you in my humble ways from… hurt, angst, and grief."
Sarah was content that her spy senses worked alright, even after spending a week in heaven, and the only person she scared with a knife all this time was the young waitress when she showed her how to fillet a fish properly.
Yup. I caught him red-handed. It was his work that Bryce quit. If he tells me now that he unleashed the Piranha once more without talking about it with me before, I will have to pretend that I am angry with him. But I don't have time to be mad on our last night in the honeymoon suite. Oh… hopefully, another time we'll return, for real? Mr. and Mrs. Bartowski?
She didn't say anything, as she knew Chuck could not tolerate the silence and would sputter forth. It was simple, effective torture that left no traces – drop a cue, say nothing else, lean back and wait until Chuck spills it all simply because he could not stand the silence.
"I called him," he eventually said and wondered about the warmth her eyes exuded.
"You called Bryce?"
"Yeah, I did. I told him I knew that he used those words he did not even understand himself against you time and time again. That his sight alone is a reminder of bad times, we want to leave behind."
Sarah just knew what was coming, but still, her lips parted so wide in disbelief that Chuck thought he should get up, pick one of the leftover grapes and toss it into her mouth.
"I told him that he needed to make amends for the pain he caused by making sure that you two would never meet again under any circumstances."
Sarah gaped at him. Chuck was the most wonderful man she could want and he proved it anew every day.
"Never meet again under any circumstances? But as an agent, we could run into each other or be ordered to work together anytime, Chuck!"
Chuck nodded, apparently having expected her argument.
"That's what he said as well. I told him there's a straightforward solution, and if he has any honor left in him, he will choose it. To my surprise, he didn't stall much. Might have helped that I gave him a quick rundown of all the things he did to us. And so he quit."
Sarah almost turned a bit reflective. Almost.
The asshat had it coming his way.
"So he found some honor inside himself. Wasn't that a bit hard? The CIA's his life, his existence…"
She trailed off with an understanding face and anticipated his words.
"Sarah, I can somehow find it in me not to hate him for what he did to me. In his misguided ways, he meant… I'm darned if I say 'meant well' now… but, there it is… and I'm such a sap… but still..."
Chuck took a deep breath. There were limits to what he tolerated, and these limits were reached when someone he loved was hurt. He looked at her with a whimsical expression as he continued.
"I'm a very gentle man, even-tempered and good-natured who you never hear complain, who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein."
Sarah couldn't help but grin. Her love was nerding again, and she adored him for the endless supply of quotes he carried in his quiver.
"But I will never forgive him that he deliberately used those destructive words on you, fully knowing how much he hurt you. That he never tried to help you but always wanted to control you."
She snuggled against him in deep emotion, momentarily far from bewitching him but wanting to hear his big good heart beat and squeeze a tiny tear out of the corner of her eye.
"I respect that he had the decency to quit and therefore avoid you ever having to see him again, and I'm past any melancholy that I have lost this friendship forever."
She had her ear on his chest and listened to his heart.
"Thank you, Chuck," she said and knew there wasn't anything else to talk about, so she wanted to steer the conversation into more pleasant regions.
"I knew what you quoted, Chuck. That was from My Fair Lady, right? Professor Higgins singing. They do get each other in the end, do they? Higgins and Eliza?"
"In the play 'My Fair Lady', they do. In George Bernhard Shaw's original play 'Pygmalion', they don't."
"I think Shaw is overrated," Sarah stated, these days not accepting anything that didn't have a happy end, and played with his curls.
"So, now, have you forgotten about the tricks up my sleeves; seems my appeal is already dwindling?"
A devilish grin flickered across his face. He slid next to Sarah and made some funny moves right below the crook under her Adam's apple, kissing the spot, or…
"Do you munch on my neck, Chuck? Who's the cannibal now?"
The man sighed in mocked despair.
"For a spy, you're pretty bad at guessing this. I open the buttons of your imaginary blouse with my teeth and reward my lips by kissing the skin I discover."
It was her time to sigh. He was really pulling all the stops tonight – undressing a naked woman of her imaginary clothes with his teeth. Only Chuck.
"But can you please put out the lights first before you imagine undressing me completely?"
Sarah thought that this ranked among the weirdest exchanges she ever had with Chuck, and, considering he sometimes was a nerd at least 48 hours a day, that was saying much.
"Putting out the lights? Have we become prudish suddenly? That's certainly something you can't blame on me."
Chuck had bolstered up a heavy load in self-confidence when it came to selflessly pleasuring the woman of his dreams, so prudery was new and certainly not his fault.
Seems we need to do a little blame-storming to find out whose it is, he thought.
"So you think I'm an 18th-century wife coming to bed in a long, scratchy nightgown?"
He winced, true to their game.
"Please, no, my teeth still ache from those buttons and the zipper!"
Sarah chuckled. She was happy that he undressed her, and after shedding real and envisioned clothes, there was only one obstacle left.
"Poor boy! But no, you have undressed me properly."
Chuck wasn't so much into darkness, so he had another objection.
"So what about those lights? I gladly turn them off for you, but to see you, I admit it freely… you really turn me on. Really really."
The smile on her face was so happy as if she had cracked the jackpot. In a way, she knew she had.
"I got the impression it does. But they are watching too," she explained, and his eyebrows furrowed into question marks. At least she thought they did.
"They are?" Chuck was a bit bewildered.
"Yep," she confirmed curtly, popping the 'p' for all it was worth.
"Who are they?" Chuck inquired, not knowing where this was leading.
Sarah gestured widely.
"Now there, right in front of us. Don't you see them? And I think they're getting more with every line."
"Every line? Who are those people? I can't see anyone."
"All those folks who read and reviewed our story for these long months. There, can't you see them-"
Sarah pointed directly at a couple of monitors and mobiles and tablets where "Chuck vs. The Journey" was currently read "- there's the reviewer's balcony, and Johnny Ray was just lucky that Statler and Waldorf did not attend, and some lurking guests. They all wanna watch what happens now."
Blushing and very self-conscious suddenly, Chuck pulled the duvet that was only up to their bellies, up to their necks. Heaven forbid, he thought, for five seasons no one saw her boobies, we won't start now.
"How did all these people get into our room?" he asked, and from somewhere unknown, someone unknown cut in a laugh track.
"Nobody wants to miss the happy end. What they don't know is there will be an endless string of happy ends for us from now on, morning, night, and noon."
Chuck let the issue with their audience go for the moment as Sarah touched a sore spot.
"You're aware I still have to clock in at the Buy More in the morning for the next three months?"
Sarah looked positively mischievous.
"Mmmh, but only to receive your first out-of-the-office call for an urgent hardware installation."
"What hardware installation?" Chuck asked, a bit falling back in his naïve ways from season one.
"Guess… and blush, sweetie."
Chuck silently guessed and blushed as he was told. It came naturally, even after a week of pure love. She could hurl his blood in all directions of his body with a few words, a look, or a longing touch. Mostly one direction lately, but he wasn't complaining.
"Uhm… is that the reason these calls will be urgent?"
The look she gave him was incredulous and pure temptation.
"Do I look like I've got time to waste? We have a year of… hardware installations to catch up."
Chuck had to make an annotation here. He might have been naïve, he might have been shy, he might have been a moron, but one thing he knew for sure: He had wanted her, all of her, from the first moment they met. It was not his responsibility that it took over a year.
"Hey, that was not my fault, and you know that! You can't hold me responsible if it took you so long to call for… my services."
She disagreed, and who was he to counter her.
"I'm your girlfriend. I am positive that I'm entitled to hold you as often as I want to. As I said, morning, night, and noon."
"Noon, Sarah? Noon?"
He saw some problems arising; she saw wicked possibilities.
"You got a lunch break, do you? We close the Orange Orange, and you can work all your magic nerdiness to put the whipped cream and the strawberries to good use. There is one way I'd like to have you eat a strawberry that isn't listed on the menu."
"But, won't they watch us there too?"
"We'll close the blinds as well."
Chuck decided it was time to reduce the talking and reached for the light switch, and it got pitch black. There was some giggling, some kissing, some whispering, and then Chuck sighed.
"I think they are discussing my performance."
The lights went on again.
"See, I told you," Chuck pouted. "They're still here, watching and reading and waiting to see what's up next – and some are taking notes. I think these are judges and will hold up some board later, like, points, 9, 10, 9.5, that's pretty hard for my… ego."
"Don't take it too hard, baby, I'll handle these things from now on," she cooed with an unashamed dirty look, and he blushed before he turned to the readers.
"Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The, Th-Th... That's all, folks! Please, there's no next chapter. You know what adults do when they're in love, and they do it alone, I mean, they do it together, two of 'em. That's what we plan to do if you allow us, please."
"They're still staring, Chuck," Sarah whispered. "And they all have pretty reddish ears."
Chuck talked to the fanfiction community again.
"Ok, ok. I know what you want. Alright. See, we managed to cure our past wounds. We confessed our love…"
"More often than they have seen already!" Sarah threw in. "And I think I want her to continue to write about our sexy adventures."
"Her? Who's her?"
Chuck sensed he was at a disadvantage. Why hadn't he flashed on those people? They were undoubtedly dangerous… for his love life tonight.
"SarahsSupplyCloset!" Sarah elucidated with a sensual smile. "Actually, I read something last night by her that I want to try with you, loverboy."
She nudged him with her shoulder. "Aaaaand," she drawled. "You get her name, do you? Supply closet? ... We have one in Castle. Pretty roomy. ... Roomy enough."
Chuck decided to pay not too much attention to her words while he was busy explaining their situation. He might get sidetracked. Or under-tracked in case she took up her favorite position on top of him.
"We handled Beckman and the agencies. We are a spy couple now with lots of exciting missions to come…" he continued his recap of the story for everyone, not knowing what he should do next.
Sarah was having different plans and warmed up talking about and to the Chuck community.
"And WillieGarvin. I love how professional, human, and adult we appear in his stories. We are real-life people there with unreal jobs. I am so thankful to him for allowing us a true life, I could kiss him. And Marc Vun Kannon, I can be really funny in his stories. I love to be funny and not a cannibal."
"…We are going to move in together…" Chuck weakly interspersed.
"That said, let's have Ancientgamer in the team. I want to have every exciting detail saved for posterity, he's the guy for that. He's also got a strong compass for what we two would do and what we wouldn't. I wish he would have the time to counsel every writer. Book Dillwg, too, he seems to know me better than I do. And romance, I want romance as well; make a note to sign Joe Watkins for that part, no replacement allowed - for those cinemascope-moments making everyone happily clinging for their hankies, gimme Joe. Oh, not to be forgotten: I want Zettel for my in-depth character studies. Z. knows what S. thinks."
"…We are going to get married …"
"Hey!" Sarah reacted to his ramblings for the first time. "Don't you think you've got to pop the question first?"
Chuck made an I-don't-know–how-to-tell-you face.
"Yes and no, baby. Nothing happens here if the Charah community isn't OK with it, so we'll have to get their blessings too."
Turning back to the fanfic readers, he continued.
"And, of course, we'll have that house with the red door and white picket fence where we'll raise our kids-"
Sarah looked for a moment if her eyeballs would pop out of their sockets and ricochet around the room, but then shrugged. "Oh well, but only if you can convince David Carner to write these chapters. For the family stuff, I want David. So please," she urged everyone, "repeat after me: We want David, we want David."
Sarah reached for her mobile and swished and tapped and finally found what she was looking for.
"Look, I've been reading FanFiction lately…"
"When?" Chuck incredulously asked. "Between the lovemaking, the breakfasts, the lovemaking, the lunches, the lovemaking, the dinners, the lovemaking, the trips to the pier, the lovemaking, the hours at the beach, the lovemaking, the time spent swimming, the lovemaking, the plans for the future, the lovemaking, the… what I mean is, when did you have the time?"
Sarah looked out of the screen, with a sweet We-will-pardon-him-won't-we? look at all the fanfiction readers and a giggled sigh.
"Chuckie, after our nights, you sometimes needed a bit longer to regain consciousness, and that's when I silently read a lot of our stories. And I made a list of writers I want on my Charah-Forever-Project, but I have no idea how to handle all that myself. I'm a busy girl lately."
"I noticed," Chuck sighed happily. "Let me see that list. … These are all the writers you want to participate? Sarah, you'll need a project manager."
"Whom could I sign up? Morgan?"
Chuck seemed contemplative.
"Morgan? He'll want something in return. … You'll have to seduce him, and since this will be a lot of work, seduce him with something really juicy."
Sarah could not believe her ears. Her face reddened, and it wasn't the heat of passion causing it.
"You want me to seduce…? I thought I am yours and you are mine, alone. For what, or for whom sinister nerd have I kept my pussy dry and lonely a full year long?"
"Please, Sarah!" Chuck interrupted with a discreet gesture at the readership and a not-so-discreet grin. "Not in front of the kids!"
She gesticulated agitated. "Yeah, but these kids also heard how you ordered me to seduce your best friend! What'cha gonna say now, Mr. Bartowski?"
Chuck still grinned and she trailed off with another question, slowly sensing that there was another meaning to his words, but not grasping it.
"What's that really juicy I need to seduce him with?"
"A six-pack of grape soda should be juicy enough," Chuck said with a Gotcha-face, "and he'll do all the project managing you need."
She laughed heartily and swatted his chest so heartily that he nearly fell out of bed, giving her a wild look fully knowing that she was the wildcat in this relationship. She caught him by his hand and smilingly turned to the fanfiction crowd.
"He's such a rascal, but he's my rascal. Alright, he got me on this one, but, please, can you nice folks all forget that I said the p*ssy word? I don't want the last chapter of this to end with the wrong rating, please, please, please?"
She begged with a deep one of her baby blue eyes, a class 20 look in a category ending at 10. Several screens melted, a mobile or two caught fire and one or the other tablets simply disintegrated.
"So," she said, certain that everyone forgave her. "In addition to those I already mentioned, here are more authors I want in my writing team: Amelia Wolfson, assasnin, BillAtWork, Charah, CharmingCharles2896, Dlitt76, fezzywhigg, FluffyPikachuLovesYou, Frea O'Scanlin, Grayroc, halfachance, I craft experiences, Jay1978, klipdoctor, LetsGoRed, madamos, MicroGirl1225, mssupertigz, MyNameIsJeffNImLostMySongStory, nevr, OneorEleven, P.J. Murphy, Quistie64, Rachel Smith Cobleigh, Raycd, Reyes9, sachaelle, SmatterChoo, Steampunk Chuckster, Steelejay, Timber63, and WvonB. If you are not listed yet, I apologize. Just give me more time to read and I'll add you. And I kick my ghost-reader's ass and make him read faster too. I know there are even more talented writers out there."
She sighed. "So much lovemaking to do, so little time left for reading! Can you all forgive me?"
There was an approving murmur all around in the crowd of reading Chucksters that seemed to have undertones of jealousy directed at Chuck that Sarah acknowledged with a shy and grateful look.
"Thank you! So, everybody interested in writing our story simply PM me with these two words: Charah Forever!"
She leaned conspiratorially closer to the fanfiction community, gesturing the authors among them closer.
"Strictly between us, that fellow who scribbled down our story, we wished it had been one of you writing instead. He wasn't the worst we've ever seen. Still, he owes everything he learned to you guys! So we want to thank all of you…"
She was taking her time to point each and everyone out.
"…for making this possible, all those whose work was an inspiration for him. So thank you all from the bottom of our hearts."
Sarah peeked at a certain screen with a soft and affectionate gaze.
"Foremost brilliant WillieGarvin, who beta-ed Johnny Ray's lousy drafts and made sure that those plot holes as big as the fountain at Echo Park disappeared, and so many things more that we would need another two epilogue chapters to tell you all about his bad influence and good deeds for this story…"
Sarah paused again, leaning out of Willie's computer monitor, covering her naked torso with the duvet, patted Willie on one cheek and gave him a friends' kiss on the other, then leisurely resting a hand on his chest. At the same time, she spoke from under her eyelashes.
"You have my never-ending commiseration, Will. Well done, thank you very honestly. If you ever make it over to Burbank, give us a shout, and we'll have a Zyr and a chat. And will you keep an eye on Johnny Ray, will you, please…"
She lowered her lips to Willie's ears and whispered something that, strangely enough, everyone but Chuck could hear nonetheless.
"And, uhm, can you tell me where I put those night vision goggles? Those we, errm, used, ... tested in an earlier chapter of New Day? I forgot where they are."
Willie turned to whisper in her ear and she beamed at him, giving him another kiss on his other cheek. If you are kissed on one cheek, turn the other cheek as well. They shared a final knowing glance of friendship and sympathy.
Sarah returned to her own world and turned back to the community. Meanwhile, Willie looked suitably stunned, but with the widest possible grin on his face.
"Will you give Willie a standing ovation, please," she asked and apologized to the man addressed, "You'll pardon that I remain in the bed and stay covered, but I'm saluting you as well."
She waited until the applause died down and the plaster stopped falling from the ceiling.
"Also, thanks to everyone who wrote a review or sent Johnny Ray a PM. He really could use all the encouragement he got, and it was very nice of you to let him know about the dos and don'ts of writing our story. Guys can get overboard on fanfiction, and who knows what our ghostwriter could have held in store. … I mean, he could have Chuck have a fling with a coworker, and he could have thrown me into the arms of the most boring agent on earth. I'm sure if he would have tried that, Chuck would have gotten a fabulous night with a sweet young woman, while I… I probably would have ended up with a man who has to check back on his hardbound edition of Kamasutra before making a move. But you all saw to it that such shit does not happen around here."
Sarah turned to Chuck with a sly and encouraging smile.
"Chuck, the light."
It went black again. There was a bit of rustling, of sighing, and then Sarah's voice came out of the darkness.
"You better switch the audio off too, folks. We're going to do a practice run, or two, or more, about the baby thing. I'm scared to death how much fun that might be. It might get a little loud till the morning… or till Chuckie throws the towel."
"Ha! Only in your dreams! We'll see who's throwing in the towel first…" he began, which elicited a happy squeal from the woman addressed, but then he stopped.
"They don't stop watching, Sarah. I love you so much, and there's nothing I can do about it with all of your fans staring at us."
Sarah sighed. "Ok, there's only one way to get intimate without an audience, it seems."
Chuck looked expectant and hesitant at the same time as she switched on the light again.
"You think we really should? Pull the nuclear option?"
"We should," she said to Chuck and then turned to the fanfiction crowd.
"Guys, we love you to pieces, but before any moronic criminal raises his head and pulls us into the next adventure, I want to enjoy this last night in the honeymoon suite like the adults that we are, so I hope you understand…"
She grabbed her phone, dialed, and after someone on the other end responded, talked.
"Johnny Ray? It's Sarah… haha, which Sarah? Very good. How many Sarah's do you know and write hundreds of thousands of words about her? Admit you have a crush on me! … Hmm, that's my little Johnny... Look, we need you to give us some privacy. You know, end music, fade-out, and we're free to do whatever we want to do… Can you do that for us? It's our last night here, well, you know, you wrote it, and we want to go out of the honeymoon suite with a bang, if you know what I mean… I can hear you blush over the phone… Really? Now that would be so sweet of you, thanks from me … and from the nerd that holds that pillow in front of his middle so that the censors don't put a black bar over it."
Sarah threw the phone to the side and herself with a joyful battle cry at Chuck, as all the readers' screens were filled with a painting of a plethora of gardenias and an invisible hand typed in large and bold black letters a single line:
"Thank you all. The End."
•••••••••••••••••••