Chapter 10: A loss of hope.

Teyla was shocked by what she saw when she came up alongside Torren, the wind was raging outside the cave, the dust was swirling around the entrance in a thick, dense mass and it was darker than night outside the cave. If the suns were still in the sky she couldn't tell. She stood peering into the flying dust until the wind blew some into her face and she started to cough. At that point, she decided to take a step back and view things from a distance.

Once she had finished coughing and taken a sip of water, she sighed and turned to glare at Todd for about the fiftieth time that day, "how long do these dust storms last?"

"They can last days, weeks or even months on occasion, but they are rare at this time of the year."

"Rare but not impossible," Ronon growled slamming his fist against the Cave wall.

"Ronon that will not solve anything," Teyla replied while walking across the cave to look at his hand.

"I know Teyla, but I'm just so frustrated right now and if anything happens to John, I will never forgive myself. I let him down once before when I wasn't there for him when the two of you went missing and I never want it to happen again."

"I understand how you feel Ronon, but hitting the wall is not going to help anyone, now let me have a look at your hand?"

She sat him down on the floor and took his hand when he offered it to her. She was relieved to see that not much damage had been done and there were only a few grazes, "I do not think that there are any broken bones, but I will wash and bandage it."

Some things never change, she thought, Ronon has always wanted to hit things when he's frustrated or worried.

Smiling she sat down next to one of her dearest friends and she saw to his wounds and when she had finished she looked at her son and Todd, "has anyone got any ideas on how we are going to get back to the jumper in a hurry? As I do not believe John or Sheppard have weeks or even days for that matter."

"I have a dart nearby and I don't have a problem with going out in a dust storm as the dust doesn't seem to affect my lungs like it does humans," Todd suggested.

Torren walked up to him and stood right in front of him, "really how is it you have a dart on this planet?"

Teyla could tell that he wasn't amused as he answered, but she'd had dealings with Todd in the past so she knew how duplicitous he could be.

"In case I needed to get off this planet in a hurry. You never know when my many enemies may try to leave me for dead."

Things were becoming progressively worse, and she'd had enough of Todd for the moment, so she walked up and stood beside Torren with her hands on her hips, "and what is your plan, Todd?"

"I can go and get my dart, scoop you up and set you down next to the jumper. If I leave now, I could be back within a few hours. You should minimise your exposure to the dust that way."

Ronon was on his feet by this time and it was clear that he wasn't happy either, "And what guarantee do we have that you will come back?"

"You have my word."

She stared at him in disbelief, "really we have your word and what makes you think that we should trust you?"

"Because whether you believe it or not, I owe John Sheppard my life, so if I can find a way to save him I will. Although he still owes me several favours and I can't really collect on them if he is dead can I!?"

Teyla could really sense the Wraith's frustration so she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, "you may go, but if you deceive us and John ends up dying, I will hunt you down and make you pay for it." She told him with her sickly-sweet smile.

"And you know she can," Ronon commented with a smirk on his face.

"I will be back as soon as I can!" Todd hissed glaring at Ronon before he left the cave.

She watched him leave, and then she went further into the cave and sat down with her back against the wall wondering how long it would actually be until Todd returned. She still didn't trust him, but right now they had no other choice. Torren came and sat next to her and Ronon sat on her other side, and she felt great comfort from the two men.

Chuckling to herself she closed her eyes; it was still hard for her to believe that her son was a man and he was older than she was. Her only hope was that if she could get home she could watch Torren growing up and John would be there alongside her. This Torren would still exist though as this would become an alternate reality. Her head was beginning to hurt again by the time she'd finished her thought as temporal Mechanics was one of her least favourite subjects.

"How are you feeling Mom?" Torren asked interrupting her contemplations.

She opened her eyes and looked around and realised that Ronon was nowhere in sight so maybe it was time for a heart to heart.

"I am incredibly worried about your father, "she sighed before continuing as she knew it was probably time to tell her son the truth, "I do not know if you understand, but Kanaan and I were together as a couple right up until the day we went missing. Although I love John Sheppard with all of my heart, we have only admitted our feelings for each other in the last few days. But none of this changes the fact that John Sheppard is your father, and he would have loved to have helped raise you if we had not travelled into the future."

"I understand Mom, Uncle Ronon always told me how much the two of you loved each other and everyone on Atlantis knew it."

Teyla smiled at her adult son, "it appears that your father and I were the only ones who did not know, or perhaps we were both too stupid to do anything about it."

"Never mind mom at least you realised it eventually."

"The only problem is even if he survives, we may be stuck in the future forever and we will never get the chance to see our son grow up."

"I'm sure that you can have more children Mom and I'd love a brother or sister, although as weird as it sounds Dave and Charlie are my brother and sister."

She didn't know whether to be embarrassed or freaked out by that comment, but then it all came back to the fact that they had travelled in time twice and two separate realities had been created that were forever intertwined. And if they managed to go back in time a third reality would be created. Everything was such a mess thanks to one anomaly that they had encountered by accident.

Thinking back to her thoughts on encountering the anomaly, she realised she still had no idea what the anomaly was and whether it was manmade or naturally occurring, so she asked her son if he knew anything about it, "do you have any idea if the anomaly we went through was naturally occurring or manmade?"

"Not really, Uncle Rodney and I have never been able to get close enough to study it properly. We have been trying to find a way to land on the planet safely for a number of years, but to date haven't found a way. Of course, landing on the planet is the only way we could study it without getting sucked into the anomaly."

"I believe that we should stop calling the planet, the planet with the anomaly, we really need to give it a name so do you have any idea's Torren?"

It was Ronon who provided the answer when he came up and sat beside her, "I think we should call it Sheppard's planet as he was the first one to lay eyes on it, or perhaps we should call it Emmagan's planet, or Teyla's planet."

"No I think it should be Sheppard's planet as he was the one who saved our lives when he evened out the descent of the craft when we were crashing," She said with great enthusiasm. John really did deserve it as he had definitely saved her life since the jumper crash could have been much worse.

Torren looked at her and smirked; "now that's settled, what are we going to do now?"

"Now we wait and trust Todd to do the right thing."

"Well I'm going to have a sleep, "Ronon announced, "As I'm not as young as I used to be."

Teyla laid her head on Ronon's shoulder and she was happy that one of her dearest friends was there with her. She knew that her son was there as well, but she still couldn't help see him as her child who should still be only eighteen months old.

"Well, I think I'm going to do some calculations so that when we can get back to the Daedalus we can get back Sheppard's planet as soon as possible," Torren informed them while pulling his computer out of his bag.

Chuckling she turned to look at him, "you are just like Dr McKay, he used to carry his computer everywhere as well."

"That is one of the highest compliments you could give me Mom as I spent an extraordinary amount of time with him when I was young."

A feeling of sadness overcome her as she had hoped that Torren would grow up to emulate John, but maybe if they went back in time another version of Torren would.

Torren was too busy to take any notice of her emotions, but Ronon had obviously picked up on how she was feeling and slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug.

"Never mind, I am positive that you and John will get a chance to watch some version of Torren grow up."

Thank you Ronon, I hope you are right."

Closing her eyes she snuggled into him and listened to the storm raging outside. Every so often the wind blew sand into the cave so they were now all covered in a layer of red dust. She had no idea how long the storm would last or if Todd would ever come back, but for now, she felt exhausted so eventually, she fell into a deep sleep.

When she awoke again the storm was still raging outside the cave and Torren's flashlight seemed to be growing dim. They had decided that they would only use one light at a time so that they could conserve battery power.

She had absolutely no idea how long she'd been asleep, but it appeared that Torren was still working.

"How is your work going Torren?"

"I'm not going to be able to work much longer as my computer is going flat, so I may as well give up."

She took his hand, "how about you put it away and then we can have something to eat?"

"That sound's great Mom, what have we got?"

"I have some chocolate power bars. I had no idea that we would be here this long so I did not bring much food."

"Don't worry that will be fine," Ronon said and she had no idea that he was awake.

"Torren, do you have any idea how long it has been since Todd left?"

He looked at Ronon and Teyla could sense that they were actually hiding something from her, "Torren what are you hiding?"

"It's been nearly ten earth hours and I think that it is night outside. So as soon as it's daylight I intend to go and try to get to the jumper." Torren told them with determination in his voice.

"Torren, Sweetheart, you cannot go out in that storm."

"You know I have to do this mom."

She smiled at him and at that moment, she was incredibly proud of the man that he had become. It was obvious that even though she wasn't there to guide him growing up, but those that had, had done a remarkable job, "I know you do, but as your mother, I have to try and stop you."

"Thanks, Mom," he said as he shut his computer down and came to sit next to her, "are you, cold mom, I have an emergency blanket in my pack if you need it?"

"I am beginning to feel a bit cold so a blanket would be nice."

Ronon came and sat beside her again and put his arm around her. Then Torren put a blanket over them both and in an instant she felt much warmer.

She must have phased out for a minute or two because it took her a moment to realise that Ronon was talking to her and she had no idea what he was saying, "I am sorry Ronon, but can you repeat that?"

"I said not to worry as John is one of the strongest men I know and he won't give up, so neither should we."

"You are right about John, but you did not see Sheppard when we first arrived on Sheppard's planet, he had given up and was ready to die so if he could give up, I am afraid that John might at some point."

"I can't comment on that Teyla, but I choose to believe that John won't."

She had no idea what to say to that, but she could only hope that he was right and John would hang on until they could get him back to the planet.

The three of them fell into silence at that point and Teyla closed her eyes again. She didn't think that she would go back to sleep as she had just slept for hours. She could still hear the wind howling outside and it was haunting and mesmerizing at the same time. The temperature had dropped, but for now, she felt toasty warm wrapped in the blanket. Ronon was sitting on one side of her, and Torren was sitting on the other so for now there was nothing she could do, and it wasn't long before she fell into a troubled sleep.

When she became aware again she heard voices whispering and they sounded close by. Keeping her eyes closed she tried to work out what they were saying and it sounded as if they were relieved about something. She listened intently not wanting to open her eyes just yet and it didn't take her long to realise that the howling wind had stopped and other than the whispered voices an eerie silence filled the cave.

The voices became louder, and she worked out that there were three, so she abruptly opened her eyes to find that there was daylight beaming into the cave and Todd was there along with Torren and Ronon, and they were all staring at her.

She looked Todd up and down and he was covered in sand from head to toe, and it was obvious that he had been arguing with Torren and Ronon, "Todd, what took you so long?"

"Someone has stolen my dart. I got to the place where I had left it and it just wasn't there. I began to walk back and halfway the storm became so intense that I had to wait in a cave until it was over."

Looking straight at him she tried to decide whether she believed him or not. In the end, she decided to keep her feelings to herself for now.

She turned around, looked for Torren and soon realised that he was gone, "Ronon where has Torren gone?"

"He's just gone to get the jumper. When he gets here, he'll try and get as close to the cave entrance as he can and then he will open the hatch."

"Well, why did you not go with him? What if something happens to him?" She asked feeling her frustration beginning to rise.

"I will go," Todd offered, "I should be able to catch up with him very quickly."

"Off you go then," she told him feeling like she was talking to a couple of children when she was dealing with the two of them.

That was the way she had always felt being on a team with Rodney, Ronon and John and for some reason, John was the biggest kid of all. She smiled when she thought of the way that John used to bicker with Rodney constantly, but she also knew how much they had respected each other. She really hoped that she would be able to go back in time and experience that team vibe again, but even if they managed to get home things would be different as she and John were now a couple.

Once she was sure that Todd had gone she sat back against the cave wall and waited. She wasn't really in the mood for conversion right now so she just ignored Ronon when he came and sat next to her.

This mission was only supposed to last five hour's maximum, but from what she could figure out it had lasted at least fourteen hours and it left her wondering how Sheppard and John were doing. When they had left John was stable, but Sheppard was deteriorating rapidly so she didn't really hold out much hope for him. Which left her with a huge problem – who was going to look after Dave and Charlie? She knew that she couldn't do it because for all she knew John wouldn't make it either and the last thing she wanted to do was be a single mother.

She shook her head to try and empty the negative thoughts from her brain, there was still every chance that both of them would make it and Sheppard would be able to look after his own kids.

She didn't get a chance to contemplate things any further as the jumper appeared at the mouth of the cave with the back hatch opened. Todd walked out with a huge smile, showing his crooked yellow teeth and she shuddered – what the hell is he so happy about – she wondered.

"Your son is incredibly fast, in fact, if I wasn't a wraith, I would have had a hard time keeping up with him."

All she could do was smile at him as she walked past him to get to the jumper and walked in the open back hatch. Once she was on board she went and sat next to Torren in the co-pilot's seat. He appeared to be covered from head to toe with dust so it was obvious that there was still dust flying around outside of the jumper.

She looked out the window and her suspicions were confirmed, there was still dust flying, but although the visibility was reduced, it wasn't as bad as it had been, "Will you be able to fly through this dust?"

"Don't worry Mom, I've flown in worse."

"Let's get going," Ronon suggested a minute later once he'd closed the back hatch.

She watched intently as the jumper rose from the ground. The dust was still swirling around the jumper, but Torren seemed to be handling it well so she knew there was nothing to worry about.

Sitting back she relaxed a little for the long journey ahead, although there was only so much she could relax knowing that John was back on the Daedalus fighting for his life. They had been gone for more than fourteen hours so they would be meeting the Daedalus as close to Sheppard's planet as the ship could be without getting sucked into the anomaly.

Todd was in the back of the jumper installing the ZPM so that when they arrived back on the ship Torren could finish his calculations and then they could head down to the surface of Sheppard's planet as soon as possible.

Teyla rushed through the corridors of the Daedalus eager to get to the infirmary. They had docked a few minutes ago after a long trip from the planet that Torren had named the planet from hell and she couldn't agree with him more, as that was one planet that she never wanted to set foot on again.

Her thoughts had been entirely for John for the whole trip, so she didn't bother to join in with the idle chatter that had gone on between the three other passengers.

Arriving in the ICU she found the doctors crowded around John's bed, which had her incredibly worried, "Dr Keller is John alight?"

"He's holding his own for now and the bacteria doesn't seem to be spreading. But unfortunately, we had to intubate an hour after we intubated Sheppard."

She looked around the ICU and noticed that the other bed was empty and a feeling of dread came over her. Looking back at Jennifer and seeing the sadness in her eyes, it didn't take her long to realise what had happened, but she had to ask anyway, "Dr Keller where is Sheppard?"

"I am sorry but he passed away two hours after you left. The bacteria in his system seemed to be attacking and killing off his healthy cells. It must have been happening for years, but I assume something in the atmosphere of that planet slowed it down."

She had no idea what to say, the man who had died was John Sheppard, even though it wasn't the John Sheppard that she loved. That John was very much alive for now and she hoped that he would stay that way. Suddenly she felt a great sorrow come over her as she wondered what was to become of Sheppard's children.

"What about the children?"

"Amelia is looking after them at the moment, but Maddie wants to take them down to the planet so that they can lay their father to rest beside their mother."

"We have called the planet Sheppard's planet," she told the doctor before sitting down next to John.

Jennifer patted her on the shoulder as she sat down "how is Torren going with his calculations?"

"I am not sure, but the ZPM is installed in the jumper so once he has finished we can leave straight away. "

"I will make sure John is ready to leave as soon as he has finished."

Teyla looked at her old friend and she soon realised that Jennifer was exhausted and probably needed her rest. Her husband had just died after all, "how are you, Jennifer, surely you should be resting?"

"Maddie will be here soon so I will head to my quarters for a rest then."

"And how are you really doing Jennifer, it has not been long since Rodney died?"

"I have had a long life with Rodney, so although, sadly, he has passed away, life still goes on and I believe that he would want me to get on with it so that is what I'm trying to do."

She just nodded at her friend and turned to look at her John. His face was paler than it was before she'd left and there was sweat still beading on his brow, his arm was still heavily bandaged and placed on a large pillow. The only thing different now, was that he had been placed on a ventilator.

Once she was sure that Jennifer had left, she took John's hand and started to sing an Athosian lullaby to him.

Maddie had taken over the bedside vigil from Ronon sometime during the night and was asleep in a chair beside John's bed when Teyla entered. She gently shook him trying to wake her and surprisingly it didn't take long to wake her.

She looked up at her with bleary eyes, "what time is it?"

"Time you went and got something to eat and some proper sleep."

Maddie nodded at her, stood up and took one last look at John before she left to room.

Settling down into the seat Maddie had just vacated, she took John's hand and started to talk to him softly, "John you really need to hold on as we have found a way to make you well? Please hold on as I would really like to share my life with you?"

Suddenly she felt his hand twitch and he opened his eyes, then as quickly as he had opened them, they closed again. She immediately stood up and started to yell for a doctor as she was hopeful that John was getting better.

Jennifer came rushing in with a worried look on her face, "what's happening Teyla?

"He just opened his eyes for a moment."

She watched as Jennifer took John's vitals and she was pleased to see that the doctor was smiling.

"Is he out of a coma?" Teyla asked with a hopeful look on her face.

"Yes, he is, he is just in a deep sleep now," Jennifer answered with a smile on her face.

She beamed up at the doctor from her chair, hopefully, this meant that John was getting better, "I think I will stay with him for a while longer."

Jennifer patted her on the shoulder and quietly left the room. She then turned back to John and held his hand again. Beginning to feel tired again, she lay her head on the edge of his bed, and it wasn't long before she fell asleep.

She awoke sometime later to a strange sound coming from beside her, she immediately sat up just in time to see John open his eyes. His eyes were as wide as saucers and then he started to gag and try to remove the tube in his throat. His breathing was becoming more difficult and laboured the longer he struggled. The heart monitor started wailing and Jennifer rushed into the room and injected a sedative into the IV.

"What was that?" She asked his eyes wide.

"He shouldn't be awake yet," Jennifer replied while checking John's vitals. "It is best to keep patients that are intubated sedated. It's kinder for them than having to struggle against the tube."

"How much longer will he need the tube?"

"If his oxygen levels keep rising, we should be able to extubate in forty-eight hours. Until then we will keep him sedated."

Teyla was about to respond when Torren rushed into the infirmary with a smile on his face, "how is Dad?"

"He's out of his coma now and hopefully we should be able to extubate soon," Jennifer replied with a smile.

"That's great," Torren replied, "can you have him ready to move within the next twenty minutes as my calculations are complete and I want to get down to the planet as soon as possible."

Although they had lost Sheppard and they still had to find someone to look after his children, she still couldn't stop herself from smiling as things were certainly looking up for John.

TBC…

There hasn't been a lot of John in the last few chapters, but there will be plenty of him in the next few chapters.

Please don't forget to leave a review or comment as I love to know what you think?