Chapter 5: Overload

Killian found himself less annoyed and more intrigued by the constant "hauntings" of the blonde lass who believed that whoever she thought he was, this Killian Jones, might be connected to her. Some nights, when he woke after images of her green eyes hovering over him, her naked body pressed against his, the small sighs escaping her lips leaving him shaking and wishing he could have slept longer to finish whatever tale his mind was creating, those nights, he wished more than anything that he was Killian Jones.

He's sure the reason he's seeing her more when he closed his eyes is because he can't stop staring at her during the day. She's a determined woman, that's for sure, and curious, always asking him how he's feeling, interested in what he does for a living, if he's happy. When he tells her that he's fine, his life as a cook is suitable enough, but even though he can't say he's not happy, he isn't exactly satisfied either, the smile that grows on her face is enough to make him think that if she continued looking at him like that, he could be more than happy.

His headaches are still there, more of an annoyance now than a full-blown assault. He no longer thinks he's dying when they hit, a fact that gives Mary Margaret hope that simply stopping the treatments, the injections, will eventually cause the effects of whatever they think was done to him to wear off.

He isn't as hopeful, after all, he doesn't exactly believe that anything was done to him. He doesn't know why this Neal character hates him, or why Emma is determined she knows him. He must have a doppelganger out there trying to save the day, or at least someone out there who is a much better man than he.

Mary Margaret suggests he spend more time with Emma, something he doesn't argue, and that perhaps if he allowed her to tell him more of their story, he'd remember something. He hates to waste everyone's time, but the thought of getting to hear about this man that caused Emma's face to light up is intriguing. He wanted to hear more about their story, the more he heard about this Gold Collective, the more he realized that what the Resistance was doing is necessary. Even if he wasn't Killian Jones, maybe they would allow James Rogers to assist them in the fight.

"Did you hear a word I said, Mate?" James shook himself out of his thoughts, drawing his eyes away from the blonde woman playing with the small baby on the other side of the room, turning his attention instead to Will sitting across from him at the table.

"Were you still talking about chocolate?" He said with a small chuckle.

"Chocolate? Bloody hell, you should just go talk to her, you definitely aren't listening to me."

"Talk to who?" He asked with a shrug.

"You're kidding me right? You think I don't have eyes; I can see you practically drooling all over yourself. It's embarrassing, Mate. Pull yourself together and go talk to her."

"Am I that obvious?" He asked with a smirk.

"You might as well put up a red flashing light that says you fancy her."

"I don't…fancy her. She's…nice."

"Oh yes, she's very nice. Though I don't think that's the reason you can't keep your eyes off her." He said, with a roll of his eyes.

"Fine. She's also very pretty."

"Aye, that she is." James knew that Will and Emma were very good friends, he had observed the two of them on many occasions while he was sitting back and watching her.

"Are you and Emma…I don't mean to pry but are the two of you…"

"Me and Emma?" He laughed.

"I assumed due to the child." The man's eyes widened, and the loud sound of laughter filled the room.

"You think Emma and I…oh boy, no. Emma and I have been friends since we was in diapers. I'd never…just no." He shook his head as he continued laughing.

"So, then the child belongs to the man from my apartment?"

He sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. Emma didn't get away from him fast enough." He stared in her direction, feeling sorrow for the woman, knowing that it must tear at her heart having sired a child with a man like the one he met in his apartment. "Go talk to her, please. You always cheer her up."

"Then I shall take my leave and attempt to make the lass smile." He said with a laugh, making his way toward Emma. As he approached the table, Emma looked up and smiled.

"How are you feeling today, James?" She piled her son onto her shoulder, patting his back as he cried.

"Feeling pretty good, your boy seems restless today."

"I think he's tired of not feeling the sunlight." She laughed. "Can you…would you mind holding him for me?"

James froze, he knew nothing about children. "Um…" She stood, placing the boy in his arms, and pulling her shirt down against her body.

"I just need to grab some water." She hurried away from him, and he stared down at the boy he held in his arms. His blue eyes looked up at him helplessly, his tears dripping against his cheeks as he sputtered softly, his cries slowly quieting.

"Um. Hey, I'm James. Which you can't even understand so why am I talking to you?" He chuckled softly, holding the boy against his chest as he quieted. "This is pretty crazy don't you think?" He asked the child, not expecting a response but not knowing what to do with the boy. "Your mom is pretty though. I'm certain I don't have to tell you that."

He sat down in the chair, bouncing the boy on his knee. He could see his mother in the boy's facial features, his delicate mouth, the way his nose crinkled when he laughed at him. He felt bad for the child for having such a terrible father.

When he looked up he saw Emma watching him from across the room, she walked slowly toward him, a soft smile on her lips. She sat down across from him, drinking her water. "You're a natural."

He looked down at the boy giggling as he bounced on his knee. "He's a good boy, especially under the circumstances." Emma bit her lip, a tear forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to make you sad. Please don't cry."

She reached across the table, her hand touching his arm.

"Don't cry, Swan. I promise, I'll never let anything happen to you."

He tensed, the vision hitting him suddenly.

"Hey are you alright?" Emma was by his side in a moment, reaching out to wrap an arm around his back. "Was it another memory?"

It wasn't possible to remember another man's life was it?

"It was…something."

"About me?"

"I called you Swan. You were crying, I wanted to keep you safe from something."

She smiled sadly. "I was nervous about Neal finding out about us working together. That night…" She reached out and took her son from his arms, wrapping her arms around the boy as she stood up. "That was the night you kissed me." She squeezed his shoulder and walked away from him, leaving him sitting with his heart in his throat and a sad smile growing on his face.

In that moment, he wished more than anything to be Killian Jones.

Emma was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, Henry sound asleep at her side.

It took everything she had to walk away from Killian after he remembered that particular night they shared. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to inhale his scent and press her lips to his and promise never to leave his side again.

She wanted to tell him everything, how he had looked at her that night as if she was the only woman he had ever seen. The way he tentatively held her in his arms, too afraid of what would happen if he showed her how he felt about her. When he finally ran out of reasons to stop himself, he had pressed his lips to hers, a moment she would remember forever. It was as if the stars themselves aligned and even for just a few minutes, it was the first time that Emma felt safe.

She knew not to share too much information with Killian, the doctors had met with her and Mary Margaret earlier and told them that though his condition could improve if the memories came naturally, if he remembered too much at once, it could cause a brain bleed and he would most likely die.

As much as she wanted to tell him about the night they finally gave in to a desire they had held back for months, that after they kissed, he took her to bed, spending hours whispering things that still caused a heat to pool between her legs, she couldn't put his health in danger. Her entire life had changed that night, lying in his bed as they talked of a future that could never be promised to them, and as much as she doubted that everything they had hoped for could happen, the slower she took things with Killian, the better her chances were that they could beat the odds.

The knock on her door had her swiping the wetness from her cheeks with the palms of her hands. "Get it together, Emma." She sighed before opening her door.

"Just checking in on you and Henry."

"You missed bedtime." She turned toward her son. "He's sleeping soundly."

Will stepped into the room. "How did it go with Killian tonight?"

She sighed. "He keeps remembering little details, I touched his arm tonight and he remembered the night…" She rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, he remembered something between us. But he's determined someone implanted memories in his brain or that there's some huge mistake."

"He'll get there. If anything, I think he's jealous of himself."

She furrowed her brow. "Jealous of himself?"

"Trust me, the way he looks at you, if I didn't believe in kismet before, I do now. That man would fall in love with you in any reality."

Emma wrapped her arms around Will's neck and kissed him firmly on the cheek. "You're usually an ass, but I love you and I really needed to hear that."

"She has me running all over the damn town looking in dumpsters now."

Mary Margaret took a bite of her food as her husband sat complaining about the Mayor's current obsession. Finding Killian Jones.

"I just don't understand what has changed. Last week she was mildly concerned about him but after yesterday, she's obsessed, and it seems like she'll stop at nothing to find him."

She swallowed her food, trying to wash it down. The fact that Regina had suddenly become obsessed with finding Killian the day after he had been found in his apartment by Neal concerned her. Something didn't feel right. She needed to talk to Emma, the woman was warming up to her, but she needed her trust to find out what had put Killian in the Gold's and now the Mayor's crosshairs.

"So, no one has heard from him still?"

"Apparently he was at his apartment last night."

Her mouth stilled, the food sitting on her tongue as she tried to sound calm. She swallowed. "Really? How did…was he seen there?"

"Regina says a man on patrol saw him, that he tried to talk to him and…" He laughed as if he were about to tell a joke. "Killian jumped through his apartment window to get away from him."

"He what?" Her heart was pounding, she knew that Killian was not the one to jump through the window, but somehow Regina knew Killian was there, this new story taking the place of the reality of the events that truly happened.

"Right? It's crazy. I just don't understand what has gotten into him. He seemed like a good guy, now Regina has an STK order out on him. It just makes no sense."

"STK?"

"Shoot to kill." He responded with an exasperated shrug.

She bit her lip; things were escalating, and nothing was making sense. She stood from the table and carried her plate to the kitchen. She needed to get back to headquarters immediately. Taking her phone out of her pocket she stood in the dark, away from David's sight. "Hello?" She said loudly. "Oh, that's terrible. Of course, I can help out." She walked back into the dining room, shrugging to David as she spoke into her device. "Let me just talk to David and I'll be there as soon as I can."

Setting the device on the table, she hurried around the room, cleaning up dinner. "That was Ashley, she got called into a night shift and has no one to watch her kids. Do you mind terribly if I go over and help her out? It's just for the night. She's on her own since they exiled her husband and I feel like we need to look out for each other."

"You really are amazing." Her husband said, and the guilt ate at her, her husband was staring at her like she was some sort of miracle to his life.

"I'm just trying to help a friend."

"I know, and that's why I love you. You are so humble and selfless."

"Oh stop, David. I'm just babysitting." She laughed nervously, pressing her lips to his cheek. "I'll see you after your shift tomorrow." He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her back toward him as she tried to retreat to her bedroom.

"I really do love you." He smiled, bending to place a kiss to her lips.

"I love you too." She smiled honestly. She really did love the man in front of her, she wished that things could be different, that he would understand why she felt she needed to do this. She didn't want to lie to him. They had never lied to each other in their relationship, she had trusted him beyond all others. She cursed the plague for tearing the town apart, she hated how the walls that stood to keep out the exiled had somehow built-up walls between them as well.

One day she would explain it to him, make him understand why she did what she was doing. But right now, she needed to get to Emma.

Killian wandered the halls of the Resistance, smiling at the people milling about. He had been hesitant to return to the underground bunker, but each day he felt more and more like he belonged here. There was something about the way everyone believed in what they were doing that made him want to believe it too.

He turned the corner, bumping into the person approaching from the other direction, pleasantly surprised to see Emma staring back up at him, her child bundled in her arms. "Sorry Love, I should pay more attention to where I'm…" The pain hit him before he could finish his thought.

"If we're going to keep bumping into to each other, perhaps you should tell me your name."

"Sorry, I don't know what you're…"

"Come now Lass, you've been following me for three days now, the least you can do is introduce yourself."

"My name is Emma Swan and I need your help."

The pain decreased slowly but he realized that it didn't last as long as the previous ones. Still, he held on to the wall, helping to keep his balance as Emma stood stoically at his side, almost waiting for the wave to roll over him.

"Are you alright?" She asked timidly.

"Aye. When you met this Killian gent…" He paused. "Had you been following him?"

She bit her lip, a smile forming on her face. "Yes, Killian worked for the SPD, he always followed a routine, he did the same thing every day, always up by 9am, he ate at the same place for lunch and dinner. I was just waiting for the right moment to approach him."

"Same thing every day? Seems a bit boring." He laughed, a thought swirling in his head. "Did you say he was always up by 9am?"

"Yeah he was a stickler for his alarm. Never liked being late for work." James thought about his alarm at home, the one that mysteriously always set itself for 9am.

"What is it?" She inquired, but before he could answer they were interrupted by Mary Margaret, rushing through the halls.

"Emma, we need to talk." She glanced at him. "You too." She added and he followed them through the halls until they came to a large room, holo televisions set up all around, schematics on some of the screens, surveillance video on some of the others.

"This little place is just full of surprises." He mused as he entered.

Ruby and Will were whispering at the back of the room but took notice of the new visitors, standing and walking toward them.

"I need everyone to clear the room." Mary Margaret announced, turning toward the small group of them. "Stay." She ordered.

Will walked closer to Emma, leaning over to whisper in her ear before taking the babe into his arms and sitting down with him, making ridiculous faces to keep the boy occupied.

"What's going on?" Emma asked with a tone that made him want to wrap his arms around her and hold her. It was ridiculous of course, the need to want to comfort the lass, and he fought the urge to step toward her.

"I know you don't know me very well, but I'm hoping you can trust me." Emma glanced in his direction, and he could sense her hesitancy. "Regina has put out a shoot to kill order on Killian."

"What?" Emma stepped forward, her eyes seeking his as he tried to take in the information. This Killian Jones had certainly pissed off the Mayor. It was quite unfortunate that whoever he was, he bore the same face as he did.

"David said that Killian was spotted at his apartment by one of the officers, and that when he was approached, he jumped out the window to escape."

"There's no truth to that story at all." James exclaimed. "It was Neal that jumped out that window. I would never do something as daring…" He laughed. "Or as stupid as that."

"That's the cause for my concern. Obviously, Regina is aware of Neal's encounter with Killi…James at the apartment. That shouldn't be possible unless Regina is in contact with the Collective." She turned toward Emma. "I need to know what you and Killian were working on."

Emma sank down on the chair next to Will, looking around the room. She glanced nervously in his direction and turned back to Mary Margaret. "Should he be hearing this? I wouldn't want to cause any more damage."

Mary Margaret smiled at him. "James, this is up to you. You know the health risks involved."

"If the full force of the SPD is coming after me, I'd like to know why." He said forcefully, not giving a damn about the bloody headaches anymore.

She turned her attention back to Emma. "Please Emma."

Emma sighed. "I was dating Neal Cassidy. I lived in the Penthouse of the Gold Collective Headquarters. I thought they were working to find a cure, to do good for the people of Storybrooke, but I overheard something one night, something that scared me, that made me realize there wasn't anyone I could trust. I didn't know what to do, I knew I needed to tell someone but the only person I knew that could do anything about the information…was Merlin."

Ruby gasped. "You're trying to contact Merlin?"

Mary Margaret held up her hand. "What could you possibly have found that had you so scared you needed to resort to trying to contact Merlin, Emma?"

Killian felt a buzz at the back of his brain, a dim shock of pain.

"She's dead. He killed her."

He tried not to react. He stood watching the group in front of him. Trying to piece together the puzzle that was being laid out in front of him.

"The testing that Gold has been doing, the research to find a cure. He doesn't intend to use it to save Storybrooke. He wants it to gain power of everything behind the walls."

"Does he have the cure?"

"Not yet. He began testing people outside the walls, those who were infected but they always died before he was able to get what he needed. So, he branched out, he started taking people in town, those who knew others who were infected, family members. In order to keep people from talking, he infected their brain, electric shocks, he messed with them, I don't understand it, but that's when people started coming back with no memory of who they were."

"The Void." Mary Margaret said softly.

"Why did you need Killian?"

"I needed to get into headquarters, to upload the information for Merlin. The Mayor's office is the only terminal with direct access to him."

"Why didn't you just take your information to the Mayor?"

Emma frowned. "Because she's dead." She said softly.

"That's not possible. My husband spoke to her today."

"Gold, he wants power, Regina was a good person, she would never help the collective, especially after she found out that he was the one behind the Hive."

Everyone in the room gasped but Emma pushed on. "The night I walked in on Gold, the night everything changed, he was talking to Regina, about their plans for Storybrooke. But it wasn't Regina. It was an LRU. He replaced Regina months ago and no one even noticed. Don't you see, I couldn't just go to the police anymore."

"Regina's dead?" Mary Margaret spoke softly, but James found himself bracing against the wall behind him. He had already known what Emma was going to say, as if he himself knew the information beforehand. It was impossible. It had to be.

"I watched Killian for weeks, tracking his movement, who he spoke to, what kind of man he was. I needed help, but I didn't know if I could trust him."

"You wanted him to get you into headquarters." She stated and Emma nodded.

"Yes, I needed his access to the Mayor's office. After I told him my story, he started looking around. Things weren't adding up, he had more questions than answers. He agreed to help me, but…" She sighed. "Somehow I think Neal found out."

"You didn't really think I'd let you just take her away from me did you?"

"You won't get away with this, Neal!"

"I'm actually sad that you won't remember any of this. I honestly hope that somewhere in that thick skull of yours you'll always know that I beat you, that I won, that Emma is mine."

James felt the world crumble around him as his knees hit the floor and a black hole swallowed him up.