An hour later, Sam glanced at his watch for what seemed like the millionth time. Castiel should have been back by now. The Gas-n-Sip was only a twenty-minute drive and with time allowed for grabbing a six pack and a pie. Cas should have been home ten minutes ago by Sam's guestimation. And if had been Cas with any other car, Sam would not have cared in the least. But it was Baby, and it was Cas, and Sam was becoming a nervous wreck with each overdue minute.
Pacing around the map room, Sam made his tenth call to Castiel's cell, pausing to listen for any stirring coming from the sleeping quarters as he waited for the answer on the other end. A sick feeling began to overwhelm him as he heard Castiel's simple voicemail message once more. Hitting the end call icon, Sam sighed as he looked around the cavernous map room and he began to debate the pros and cons of whether he should jump into one of the vehicles stored in the garage and go in search of Castiel. Then, before Sam could make a decision about taking off after the angel, Sam finally heard the unmistakable sound of his brother making his way up the hallway towards the Map Room. The guy sounded like he was coughing up a lung, Sam knew a cough had to be painful for his brother because he had seen the bruising around Dean's ribs. A physical reminder left over from his fight with the shapeshifters.
Sam took out his phone to grab one last peek at the screen, hoping for a missed text or anything from Cas letting Sam know he was on his way back. He looked up guiltily as Dean called his name.
"Hey, Sam. Whew, I feel so much better after that nap."
"Dean, you slept for nearly four hours. That hardly qualifies as a nap." Sam replied with his face turning back down towards his phone.
Dean looked at his brother and narrowed his brow at his statement but then in typical Dean fashion. He immediately picked up from his brother's body language that something was up. So he asked, "What's wrong?"
Sam looked back up at his brother and tried to keep his face from giving anything away. After years of playing poker against the guy, Sam knew it would be futile effort to try and bluff Dean with a lie. Luckily, just as he was about to try and lie anyway, Sam's phone rang holding his index finger up in Dean's direction to stop any more questions. He turned to glance at the screen and was relieved to see Castiel's name emblazoned against the glass. Sam turned and walked away from his brother and answered the phone in a low voice.
"Cas...where the hell are….." Sam stopped cold and listened. The voice on the other end was not Castiel's
"Sam?" Dean had followed his brother as he moved into the map room. Dean watched as Sam's shoulders stiffen and instantly knew that something was wrong.
"Sam. Who is on the phone?" Dean's voice had a hard edge in it. His senses were on alert. He took a quick glance around looking for Castiel. Suddenly, Dean's gut clenched, and he realized everything about Sam right now was triggering his internal warning system, that bad news was coming his way. And he wanted Sam to tell him what that may be right now.
"Sam, who is on the phone and if you hold up a finger to me one more time..so help me!" Sam looked up now with concern written all over his face. Though he wisely did not hold up his finger at Dean. He did flash those damn puppy eyes at him as if begging for just a moment more.
Taking a deep breath, Dean waited as patiently as was possible for a man like himself, as his brother answered whoever was on the other end. The tone of his voice and the subject of his responses. Dean decided he didn't need to know who Sam was talking to anymore. Because it was clear the man on the other end was a police officer and Sam's questions, and replies indicated they were talking about his missing angel.
"Okay, Okay….is he all right...is he hurt?" Sam paused, and Dean got closer trying to listen to the other voice. Again, Sam blocked him by turning his body.
"Sam, turn on the speaker."
"Yes, My brother and I will be right down." Sam hit the end call button and turned back to face Dean. He wasn't sure which part of the news he should give first, and the icy-green intensity of Dean's gaze was not making it an easy decision.
"Right, down where Sam?" Dean could see Sam was trying to keep his shit together as he looked at Dean. And for his part, Dean did not care anymore. Sam was lying and was trying to keep something from him and with Cas missing Dean had, had enough. "Sam, where's Cas?"
Sam swallowed hard and replied, "He went to the store for beer and pie."
Dean looked at Sam expectantly, waiting for him to go on.
"He wasn't enjoying the show I was watching, and so I sent him to the store and…"
Dean was getting tired of his brother's hedging… "Spit it out, Sam."
"I sent Cas to the store, and I gave him the keys to the Impala."
Dean stood immobile. His vision tunneled and time began to slow as he stared at Sam. His mind trying to process the words that were tumbling through his brain as he waited for the rest of the story. He began to dread what was coming next, "What else?"
"There's been an accident, and we need to get to the hospital. Cas was hurt…"
"Sam…" with anger set in his voice Dean continued "You let Cas take the Impala? What were you thinking?" pushing past his brother, Dean stormed into the kitchen and over to the rack of keys and was about to grab the keys for the Lincoln when he remembered he had been putting off repairing the vehicle for Cas. So, it was with a groan of frustration, that Dean grabbed the set marked for Bobby's old truck and brusquely turned and as he brushed by Sam and as his shoulder came into contact with Sam's bruised one, causing him to grimace in pain.
"Let's go."
Once they were in the cab of the truck, Dean's emotions ran like an auger through his chest. First, there was the anger at Sam's foolish decision at letting Cas drive the Impala and then to fear and concern at Baby's condition after the accident. Dean preferred thinking about his car. He could distract himself with a mental checklist of what he might need to repair the damage he fully expected to see. It was better than running the possible injuries Cas may have suffered. Dean couldn't bring himself to even think about the condition of Castiel. He was afraid he would lose control of himself and do and say things to his brother that he wouldn't be able to take back later. But then, as they drew closer to the location of the accident, about five miles from the bunker, it seemed all Dean could think about was Castiel. Dean found himself making different promises and bargains with Chuck asking him to please make sure the angel was okay.
Dean could not bring himself to look over at his brother yet. His eyes stayed glued to the road ahead. Sam was wise to sit quietly in the seat beside him. That is until the silence from Dean and the waves of anger began to take its toll on Sam's nerves.
"Dean. I…"
"I can't believe you let my baby go like that." Dean cut Sam off.
"Dean...I didn't think it was a big deal. Cas has driven for a while now and never had any problems."
"You let Cas, who has only been driving for a few months drive a car like the Chevy in the rain, Sam! It is nothing like that boat that he drives and with the roads slick like they are…."
Sam looked over at his brother, his mouth set in a grim line. He knew Dean hadn't finished, so he waited.
"The one thing I care about more than almost anything and you just figured you would make a decision like this and look what happens."
"Dean, I…."
"Stow it!" Dean breathed in deep through his nose, and when he felt his anger begin to subside he continued "So tell me what happened to my baby, how bad was it and where did they…"
Sam cut in before Dean could ask all of his questions. Answering calmly, with the hope that if he did not hear the panic in his voice, then he would calm down himself.
"The trooper said that they assume there must have been a deer or something because Cas swerved the car to avoid hitting something…"
"Assume? Isn't that what Cas told them?"
"No, it is based on the skid marks left on the road. He left a good set of skid marks."
"And…"
Sam went on to fill Dean in on all that the patrol trooper had told him over the phone. The officer did not believe Cas had been speeding on the rain-slicked roads. That whatever had caused him to slam on the breaks occurred while the Impala had begun to enter a curve. Then with the overcompensation, it swerved over the next lane and went off the road down the embankment. Where the steepness of the slope caused the classic car to roll and the only thing to stop it from going to the bottom of the hill was a large tree. The damage to the Impala was extensive because the entire driver's side was caved in and the roof of the car pushed downward.
"The officer also said that they were able to get Cas from the car after pulling the passenger side door off. He was unconscious and was hurt critically, and so they had decided to call Life Flight and airlift him to the trauma center at Kansas University Hospital's Trauma Center." Sam said the last part with some hesitancy.
Dean listened to the story and felt his heart begin to thump in his chest. He knew he could fix the Impala, he had done a hundred times before, but after the words, Life Flight left his brother's mouth. Dean's fear began to fight for control of his mind as his imagination started to play out all of the worst case scenarios regarding the fallen angel's state of health. He had to keep it together. He had to stay focused. He had to… had to see Cas. He had to know that he would be okay. He turned his focus back to Sam who was still going on about the events of the accident and how they unfolded.
"There was someone only about a quarter mile behind Cas, and he saw the car go over. So the good news is they were able to call for help quickly."
"Sam just cut to the chase. Tell me what happened to my Baby. How bad…."
Sam looked at his brother in disbelief. His lack of concern over Castiel's well being was becoming a point of frustration and his seeming attitude about the car and the state it was in verses Castiel's state of health was beginning to anger him. Sam suspected there was more to his brother's feelings towards Castiel and it was only his brother's stubbornness at admitting those feelings that prevented him from acting on them. Of course, after his time with Lisa, Dean had refused even to entertain the idea of getting into a relationship with anyone other than the local waitress or bartender. But right now, based on Dean's line of questioning, Sam was beginning to doubt his instincts about Dean. But then when he went over all of the times both men were together and recalled the number of times he caught his brother looking at Castiel in a certain way or how his voice would soften when telling a story about something funny Castiel had done that day. Nope, Sam thought to himself, his brother was in love with Castiel and based on Castiel's actions and the way he would look at Dean when his brother was not looking his way. Sam knew that Cas felt the same. How many times did he have to bear witness to the constant battle they both fought within themselves to avoid admitting it to each other as they argued back and forth over some trivial matter. Sam decided as Dean was about to ask for more information on the Impala's condition. Sam was not willing to let his brother off of the hook. Not now. Not with Castiel possibly laying in an emergency room clinging to life.
"Really, Dean! Our best friend is carted off by a fucking helicopter, and you are worried about the fucking Impala?"
Dean glanced over at Sam and furrowed his brow. "Sam I'm not tal…"
Dean! Slow down...right here. There's the accident. Just ahead." Staring straight ahead as Dean turned to look at him, Sam noticed the nearly burned out road flares as they were rapidly coming up on the site of the accident. "
Dean returned his focus to the road ahead, and he brought the old truck to a halt just a short distance from the first of the fading road flares. Looking beyond the fading orange-red of the road flares as the dusk began to settle, Dean noticed they helped very little in lighting up the scene before them. Though, he could see a bit more as the yellow emergency lights flashing from the tow truck mixed with the blue-white of the police vehicles and lit up the area in a surreal glow. Dean could see the Impala had already been pulled up to the side of the road and had been connected to the tow hook and was being readied to be pulled up onto the flatbed. The car's damage was obvious to see, and it was exactly as described to Sam by the trooper. The driver's side door was a mangled mess, pushed in at sharp angles. A clear indication as to where the vehicle had come up against the tree located somewhere down below. The car's roof had been pushed downward almost equal to the seat back. Looking through the broken out windows, Dean could see where the door on the passenger's side was no longer attached. Dean swallowed hard as he watched the car get loaded slowly onto the tow's flatbed.
Dean pushed the truck's driver door open and then lept out of the truck's cabin and jogged over to the trooper who looked to be in charge.
"Hey, My name's Dean Winchester and that car..." Dean waved his arm over towards the Impala. "Is mine. I let my friend use it to run to the store." Dean had taken his license out of his pocket to show the man in uniform.
The trooper took a quick glance at the proffered license and checked the papers that had been gathered from the mangled car's glove box. Satisfied the info jived, the man looked over at the car and said with a bit of southern twang in his voice, "Yeah. Sorry about the car. She was a beaut' all right, a classic. I'm a collector myself. So I hate to see when this sort of thing happens to a car like that." Hiding his impatience with the officer's rambling, Dean dismissed his comment and replied "Yeah, so Troooooper…" took a quick look at the name tag clipped to the man's uniform "Trooper Portman, she has seen worse. How about the guy who was driving her?"
Pulling a notepad, the lawman began to run down basically what they already knew from the original call to Sam's phone, and they had no updates as to the condition of the driver. Other than to confirm he was in pretty bad shape when they evac'd him a little over a half hour ago.
Dean slapped his hand against his thigh, exasperated at the lack of information and after answering a few questions about Cas and the car, Dean turned to walk back towards Sam who was now standing by the tow driver. He instantly regretted the decision because, from his new position and a direct line to the interior of his car, Dean could see the unmistakable evidence of Castiel's injuries in the form of now drying pooled and splattered blood.
"Sam?" Dean called out to his brother, impatience mixed with fear in his tone.
Sam finished shaking the tow driver's hand and then turned away to walk back towards Dean.
"I gave the guy a hundred bucks to store the car until we get back from the hospital," Sam called out, and as he approached his brother, he slowed his steps. "Any news on Cas?"
Dean shook his head in the negative. "Nothing more than what we know already. We have to go over to the trauma center at K.U." Heading back towards the old truck Dean continued "It's a couple of hours away" Sam read Dean's face and could tell he was barely holding it together when he added, "We need to get there, Sam."
Sam set his mouth in a grim line and could only nod as the guilt of sending Cas to run an errand that he should have run himself, returned to the forefront of his mind. Climbing into the truck both men settled in and began their race to the trauma center. They sat in silence for most of the of the trip, and as they got closer to Castiel, Sam needed to break the silence with his brother.
"Dean I just want to say…" Dean cut him off before Sam could start.
"Sam, it's all right. You don't have to say anything. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen. So...let it go."
Dean knew his brother was feeling a ton of guilt and at this point didn't see a need to pile on more. Plus, he wasn't sure he could talk about Cas at this very moment. His emotions were too raw and near to the surface after seeing all of the blood left behind by Cas. He couldn't believe that only days earlier he had nearly lost the angel to those frigging shapeshifters and now this. The turmoil of another argument with Sam may cause him to start blurting out things to his brother that he wasn't ready to say out loud, not yet anyway. So he decided to do what he did best and compartmentalize everything going on in his life and focus only on getting to Castiel and praying to Chuck that he was okay. Sam, on the other hand, made this task very difficult by continually wanting to start up a conversation. Finally, as they approached the last few miles of their trip to the hospital, Dean swallowed hard and decided to bite the bullet and clear things up with Sam.
"Look Sam" Dean glanced over at the sullen face of his younger brother and continued "I know you thought you were doing an okay thing." Sam had turned to fire off a reply, but Dean held up his hand and continued "I'm not mad anymore about Cas taking the car. It's just that you sent something I care about most in the world off to make a store run- in the rain. And just days after...
Sam looked at his brother again shocked at his statement, and before Dean could go any further with his ridiculous rant about the Impala, Sam decided it was his turn to cut off Dean.
"Dean, I can't believe your only concern right now is the fact that I let Cas drive your precious car to the Gas n Sip to buy you beer and pie." Sam turned in his seat to get a better look at his brother who now sat with his hands gripping the wheel of the truck tighter. His knuckles white with the strain. "Cas is your best friend, Dean. He has done everything we have ever asked and given up nearly everything for us- for you. And yet, here you sit like a jackass talking about how your car was dinged up. What about Castiel, Dean? What about him? For all, we know he could be pretty badly hurt or even worse, and you want to rail me for the car?" Sam had not noticed that the truck had come to a stop and it was only after Dean dropped his hands from the wheel and let them fall into his lap with head bowed. That he took notice of his new surroundings and the giant blue letters of the Kansas University Hospital across the parking lot.
"You're wrong, Sam" Dean's voice was soft and sounded nearly broken as if they were carrying the weight of the world behind them, it made the hairs on Sam's arms stand on end.
"What?" Sam said equally as soft.
"I said you're wrong." Dean turned to look at Sam with tears welling and threatening to fall. Sam met his brother's eyes with as much understanding as he could convey through his own, Sam barely nodded at what he knew his brother was finally going to say. Sam asked Dean why he was wrong. Already knowing the answer to his question.
"I wasn't talking about the Impala, Sam. I was talking about Cas." Dean shook his head in frustration and to stop the tears from falling. Dean brought the palms of his hands up to eyes and pressed hard against closed lids. Then dropping his hands down he looked over at his brother. Begging for Sam to understand and not make him say more. Sam did understand and finished Dean's thoughts for him.
"You love Cas, and now you are afraid it's too late."
Dean nodded and choked back a small sob.
"Dean, it's okay. Castiel, he will be okay. And once we get in there and see the guy and see for yourself that he is okay, You will be okay too. And, when everything gets back to normal, you will be able to say all of the stuff you need to say to his face. And for what it's worth, Dean. I know he feels the same way about you. I think he is just waiting for you to let him know yourself. To make the first move, you know?"
Dean nodded and with another look at his younger brother. A small smile quirking his lips upward. Sam continued, "Now, let's go. We need to get in there and find out how he is doing. And once we know he is okay, you are going to tell him how you feel." Sam felt the balance of power between them shift. He was now in charge, for a little while anyway. "He is going to be okay, Dean. He is a tough son-of-a-bitch, and he still has a little grace in him. So let's just go see for ourselves before you start playing the worst case scenario in your thick head."
Dean once again gave a silent nod in reply and then grabbed the door handle and jerked with more torque than was necessary and after throwing the door open. He jumped out of the truck and after taking a deep cleansing breath in the cold air. Dean slammed the truck door shut and began a slow jog towards the double doors of the emergency room as Sam followed close behind.
As Dean crossed the threshold into the E.R. of the medical center and the main waiting room and assailed by the sounds of sick people waiting for their turn to go back into the actual examination rooms. Making a quick scan of the large room, Dean spotted a desk with the word Information engraved with large silver embossed letters across its curved front. A young woman was sitting at the counter talking to an elderly woman. A condescending smile plastered on her face. Dean had no doubt it took her just a few practice sessions in front of a mirror for her to perfect. Dean went over and waited as she finished up with who seemed to be concerned about her husband. After what seemed like an eternity but had only been a couple of minutes. His turn came, and Dean approached the young lady and bent to read the candy striper name tag the young wore and it simple black letters it read; Natalie. Now that he had her name Dean flashed his most charming smile. Figuring it would get him further with the young lady if the need to get a favor should arise "Hello Natalie, my name is Dean Winchester, and I am here for someone who was brought in by a Life Flight helicopter." Dean glanced at Sam, and the sound of worry crept into his voice as he spoke despite his best efforts to keep it out, "He was in a car accident, and they brought him here a few hours ago. Could you tell me where I can find him."
"I see." the young woman turned to her computer screen and began to click away on the keyboard. Her carefully manicured nails making light tapping sounds on the keys, the sound irritated Dean. "Ah yes" A slight frown creased her brows together. Looking back up to Sam and Dean in a much more tender tone than she had before "Go through those doors and on your right you will find a small waiting room. You will find a nurses station and someone there can help you." Dean's patience was wearing thin and in a voice that came out gruffer than he meant it to be said: "Can't you just tell me where he his?"
"Dean!" Sam grabbed his brother's arm and began to pull him away before he could make a scene. Thanking the woman as he did so.
Dean wheeled around and pulled his arm from Sam's grasp "Dean, she is just a volunteer. She isn't going to be able to tell you anything."
Dean once again swallowed his frustration and walked towards the double doors that led towards the hospital's E.R. and just as he reached them, Dean pushed against the doors, and they didn't budge. Throwing a glance back at Natalie, Dean raised an eyebrow in question. A small apologetic smile crossed the candy striper's lips as she leaned over slowly and pressed the button that released the doors. Dean pushed again with more force than was needed and with a loud thump against the walls, Dean proceeded through and began the search for Castiel.
Dean entered the triage area of the E.R. and began to make his way down the corridor formed by the hanging curtains of the exam stations. He suppressed the urge to call out Cas' name but his fear of being asked to leave if he did so make him suppress the urge. Seeing a nurse walk towards him with her nose buried in some forms clipped into a clipboard. Dean grabbed her arm and asked brusquely, "I'm looking for the guy who came in a few hours ago by helo."
The nurse looked at Dean and then over at Sam who had followed close on Dean's heels. "Um...yeah. I did the initial triage. Are you two family? Dean did not hesitate "Yes, he is my husband" The nurse nodded and said "They took him up to x-ray about an hour ago?
"Up?" Dean rolled his eyes and said "What floor?"
"X-ray and MRI are on two." Waving in the direction of the located at the other end of the corridor the nurse continued to "Exit the elevator and make a left. Just follow the yellow line, and you can't miss it." Dean nodded at the nurse and then pushed past her and headed in the direction the nurse had indicated. Sam for his part said a polite thank you to the nurse who had already returned her focus to her clipboard and followed his brother.
Reaching the closed doors of the elevators, Dean smacked the up button and began to pace a couple of steps back and forth. Sam recognized Dean was close to his breaking point with regards to Castiel. He felt he needed to say something before the man started punching walls.
"Dean." Dean continued to pace in small circles reach out to smash the up button even harder.
'Dean. You need to calm down before you see Cas" Dean's only response to Sam was to flick a glance in his direction and roll his eyes and continue his pacing. Sam reached out to put his hand on Dean's shoulder and even though he knew what the repercussions would be when he made contact. He felt it was necessary if it meant Dean would release some of that pent up anger.
Sam felt cloth and then immediately felt the sting of Dean's hand as he tried to slap it away. Reaching out for the second time, Sam grabbed hold of the blue denim button down and held on tighter, and He repeated his brother's name. "Dean. I mean it. You need to calm down before we go upstairs. You need to keep it together...for Cas" and just as Dean was about to reply in a less than friendly tone, the elevators parted. Afraid of amping up his aggravation, Dean used the parting doors as a distraction and crossed the threshold entering the elevator before the doors had even opened fully, slamming the small opaque button with a number two stenciled on it. Sam followed his brother into the compartment and seeing his brother tense once again to push the button. He chose to cut him off by reaching first to push the button for another time. Finally, the doors closed and after letting out a rush of held breath, Dean turned to Sam with tears in his eyes said "It's eating me up, Sam" Sam watched as his brother swallowed hard in his effort to fight to stay in control. Then the dam burst on the ride up to the second floor, Dean let Sam hear his confession,
"I always tried to keep it from taking over you know- my feelings for Cas. It just seems you, and I aren't meant to be with people we love. We're hunters, and we have the baddest of bad luck when it comes to that sort of thing. So everything I felt for Cas. I kept it separate...and tried to ignore it. But every time something happened to him it seemed to knock away a little piece of that wall. And this, this car accident so close to the ordeal with those damn shapeshifters. It's like what Castiel said all of those years ago when we were going after Fate. Cas said something about them getting back at us, you know for all of the trouble we caused, and I feel like this is how they are doing it and I just" Dean stopped to gather himself "I just can't anymore Sam. I realize that strategy of keeping it hidden isn't working for me. Not anymore."
Sam listened to his brother's admission, and his tone immediately became more sympathetic as he tried to give Dean the support and understanding he needed.
"Look Dean. I know your whole thing is about making sure I stay safe. I know that there is nothing I will ever do to convince you to stop. But I do need you to take time to do what makes you happy...and Dean. Cas...well. Cas, he makes you happy. You are better when he is around. He is someone who you can share a load of keeping us safe- me safe, with" Dean looked up at his brother with doubt written all over his face at the last statement. Sam for his part offered a small correction with a shake of his head in an effort to put his words into perspective "You know, when he is not making poor decisions" Dean rolled his eyes and nodded with a smirk is agreement. The elevator's panel flashed the number two, and as the doors began to part, Sam reached out again and grabbed Dean's shoulder. This time Dean did not pull away. "Dean. Please. Take a deep breath, calm down and then, we go find your angel."
Dean looked over at Sam and patted his shoulder and nodded in agreement. Dean turned and walked calmly out of the elevator. His step was still a little quick, but Sam was relieved to see Dean's shoulders had relaxed and that they were no longer pulled upwards and even his hands had become unclenched.
Dean spotted the nurse's station and walked over and with a smile asked where he could find Castiel. The young nurse whose ID tag read: Tina Campenella, looked at her computer and with some rapid typing furrowing her brow as she did so. Finally, the typing paused and then she looked up at Dean and said: "I'm sorry, but he's gone."