CHAPTER 1

Claire:

'Exhaustion isn't a strong enough word for this feeling.'

Claire thought it to herself as she ran a hand across her eyes and squeezed it over the bridge of her nose for just a single second before she popped her eyes back open and focused on the road in front of her again. She was driving the car after all, the last thing that they needed was for her to drive them off the road, causing a bloody wreck and killing all…. all three of them… Her. Rachel. And Peanut.

Peanut made three.

"Well?" Claire asked as softly as she could, hoping that her own vagueness would encourage Rachel to finally respond.

Rachel hadn't said a word since she had gotten in the car, even when Claire stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the vitamins and over the counter nausea medication the doctor had recommended. Rachel had simply nodded and continued to stare at the printout of the ultrasound she was holding when Claire had said she was running in.

"It's pretty amazing, isn't it?" Rachel answered in an almost non-interested tone.

Claire had just pulled up to a stoplight and looked over at her tilting the ultrasound in Claire's direction. Claire blamed the pure exhaustion settling over her for the overwhelming emotions she was currently feeling but for some unexplainable reason her eyes filled with tears. She cleared her throat a little and blinked them away before she said encouragingly,

"Yeah, it really is!"

Rachel tilted the image back toward herself as she continued to look down on it before saying,

"I mean….. I made that. Like I'm creating a person…. There is the start of a person right here inside of me."

Claire nodded in agreement while pulling the car forward again. She cleared her throat and blinked away the tears that seemed to keep pooling. She really needed to get some sleep.

"And how do you feel about that?" she pressed softly, hoping that asking as calmly as possibly would help Rachel feel safe enough to respond.

"Honestly?" Rachel asked a little skeptically.

Claire just nodded as she continued to try to respond or offer her opinion as little as possible.

"Pretty impressed actually. I mean it was amazing seeing his heartbeat like that. I still can't believe he's inside of me."

Claire smiled to herself at the thought. She had to agree, sitting next to Rachel, holding her hand during the ultrasound while the tech pointed out Peanut and then clicked a button, the room was immediately filled with a steady whooshing sound and it was pretty incredible.

"That's a really strong heartbeat." The tech said encouragingly.

"Really!?" Rachel asked shocked, clearly just realizing that the incredibly fast and kind of wet sound was her baby's beating heart.

The moment had been one of the most surreally amazing moment of Claire's entire life and she had only been a witness to it. It wasn't happening all inside of her.

"Have you heard from him at all?" Claire asked so softly she was basically whispering. She was terrified to ask, knowing how upset Rachel would probably be by it but not knowing what else to ask. She didn't want to ask her if she'd decided what to do yet, but she also couldn't pretend like everything was completely normal about the situation either.

"No." Rachel said simply with a small shake of her head without looking up from the small print in her hands.

"It's only been three days, Rach. He'll call you back. It's Trav. He loves you, he's not just going to abandon you." Claire said encouragingly, even as she chocked on the words.

They hit a little too close to home and didn't her own life completely disprove that statement?

"You didn't hear him, Claire. He doesn't want to deal with this. I called him as soon as I took the test. He said I must have read the result wrong and that we'd talk later and then he hung up. He hung up, Claire! I sent him a picture of the test. I've called him thirty-six times, left him eighteen voicemails and sent him probably over a hundred texts. I told him when and where the appointment was, and he didn't show up. It's time for me to face the facts and realize that whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it on my own."

Claire looked over at her in frustration just as they pulled up in front of the house.

"You're not alone!"

She was offended that Rachel would even think that she was but tried to shake the frustration off and realized that it probably had a lot more to do with her current state of exhaustion than anything else.

She pulled around the Jetta in the driveway to drive what use to be their dad's car, but would now belong to Rachel, 'and maybe Peanut too!' Claire thought to herself, into the empty garage. Claire took a second to note that she couldn't remember how many days it had been since any of them had seen or heard from their mom. She would be worried if she had any extra energy at all to be worried about her with. For now, she had enough to deal with as is and was just fine with her mom staying out of the picture and out of the way while she did her best to hold her family together and figure things out.

"I know, Claire, and I appreciate it. I just meant that whatever I do with this baby, Travis obviously isn't going to be in the picture." Rachel muttered without looking up from undoing her seatbelt to make any sort of eye contact.

Claire just sighed since she had to admit, even she wasn't optimistic enough to assume that Rachel was wrong about that. The whole thirty-six hours after Rachel had told her she was pregnant Claire had stayed by her side. She had been there when most of those calls and texts and voicemails had been left unanswered. She'd held her hair back while Rachel had vomited in an almost constant loop hour after hour. She'd been the one to research doctors and make the first appointment for today. The one to google Rachel's nausea and decide if she needed to take her in to see a doctor sooner. Ultimately, they had decided to wait, even though Rachel hadn't kept anything down in days. But Claire had been the one to decide. She'd held Rachel's hand and rubbed her back while she cried and cried and then cried some more. She listened without judgment, or even question really, as Rachel had told her all about her fear and paranoia that she could be possibly pregnant since the morning after she'd had unprotected sex with Travis. How she had tried multiple times to talk to him about it and how Trav would blow it off and talk her down so that she believed it wasn't possible for her to even be pregnant even when her period was two weeks late. Their dad had just died, and grief can easily affect your body. It wasn't until Rachel started throwing up that she finally took the test she'd bought weeks before without telling Travis.

That was the night Rachel had told Claire. And the night that Quil had dumped her.

Claire had assumed that she was handling the breakup and the fact that she hadn't heard from Quil at all, which she knew unequivocally was a bad sign, the longer he went without contacting her the less likely he was to want to get back together. She had thought that holding it in and focusing all her energy on Rachel's crisis and then the rest of her limited energy checking in on Jamie and trying to piece back together any semblance of normalcy and routine back into his five-year-old life was handling it all really well. It wasn't until Bennett had shown up unexpectantly the day before, just to check in, that it had all spilled out of her in embarrassing quantities. Somehow just having someone focus on her and be concerned about how she was doing, had been enough to bring down the flood gates.

All it took was Bennett's simple, "Hey, Claire, what's up? You haven't responded to my text about that party this weekend."

And she had started literally slobbering she was such a sobbing mess as she tried to bawl out, almost incomprehensibly, that she simply wasn't enough to be Quil's wife. Of course, Bennett had no idea what she was talking about and then suddenly, quite calmly and clearly, she had simply started talking. Talking, talking, talking. She told him absolutely everything. Claire didn't think she could have censored herself if she'd tried.

She told him about how she'd really been in love with Quil since she'd been a child. How she had kiss Quil before she'd let Bennett himself kiss her. How she'd been thinking about him and saving her virginity for him through the course of her relationship with Bennett before he was ever a wolf. How she'd been so heartbroken after he'd turned and they'd broken up, but how drawn she'd been to Quil. How she'd attacked Quil in his kitchen after she and Bennett had gone to lunch together. That she'd kissed him with a sort of recklessness she didn't know she even possessed. How she'd realized she was head over heals for him when she in Tennessee. How she'd come home to him and knew without a doubt that she had just stepped foot into her future. He was it for her. How they'd decided to wait to have sex until Claire was sure she was ready. All about that day Quil's mom had walked in on them about to basically accidentally have sex, about the skinny dipping, about the assumption that they would clearly eventually get married. About Bianca Sanchez and the day in the garage when Quil told her he wanted to get married and travel the world while she finished school online. And then finally all about the night she had given her virginity to Quil, how he had asked her to marry him before that moment was even over and how they'd started making plans to get married on the walk home. She told him about how remote Quil had been since her dad had died, how she'd always assumed it was because he wanted to give her space to grieve. How she'd tried to seduce him and how abysmally she had failed. How not only did he not want to marry her but how he didn't want her at all….

Bennett had turned out to be an amazing listener. Not that Claire was particularly surprised by it, but she'd never tested his abilities to the degree she did then. He held her hand and sat on the floor of her bedroom leaning against the bathroom door, in a remarkably similar position to how Claire had sat with Rachel just hours before. She had told him all about Rachel's pregnancy and Travis' MIA status too. They had only ever paused during the moments that they heard Rachel rush into the bathroom before hurling out what seemed like her entire intestines, Claire would go in and hold her hair and rub her face with a damp cloth before putting her back in bed and refilling her ginger-ale. She was belatedly grateful she'd had the foresight to send Jamie to the Call's house all the way in La Push for the day. Bennett had been the one to go down and pick him up while Claire stayed and sat with Rachel until she'd finally fallen into a fitful sleep with swollen eyes.

Bennett had stayed while Claire had gotten Jamie ready and then settled in bed for the night.

She had finally made it back into her bedroom around ten to find Bennett (who'd just dropped by casually at 2 pm and then never left) waiting for her on her bed with her laptop open.

"Hey…." She said a little awkwardly.

They'd always been close, but she had officially dragged him so far into her own personal and family drama that she knew this went way beyond casual friendship boundaries. She was trying to think of a casual way to acknowledge all of the embarrassing things he'd heard and witnessed while brushing it off like no big deal so he could finally be free to make his escape when he looked up at her with a completely sincere smile and said,

"Hey!"

He was patting her unmade bed next to him and then holding his arm out over the headboard like he wanted her to come sit in his grasp.

Claire just shook her head in confusion as she looked down at herself in the same sweats and t-shirt she'd been wearing for at least twenty-four hours before dragging herself over to where she had to crawl over top of Bennett and then settled into her bed while snuggling right up into his side with his arm around her as they rested against the headboard. He didn't say anything for a minute. He didn't need to. What could either of them say? Everything was so awful. Her dad was dead. Her younger brother seemed to be a snail's breath away from a complete emotional meltdown every single moment of everyday, her sister was pregnant, and the love of her life had just completely rejected her. Plus, it wasn't like things for Bennett were going well either, since school had ended things had just gotten worse with Macy. She had demanded an ultimatum. Either get back together with her and cut Claire off completely or else stop contacting her all together. It had been three days after Claire's dad's funeral.

It was pretty clear Bennett had chosen Claire and her friendship, but it wasn't easy for him…. He needed to be with Macy just like Claire still needed to be with Quil.

So, Claire and Bennett had simply acknowledged the pain and heartache silently while physically leaning against each other for what had to have been forty-five minutes. Claire had been surprised by how much she felt like she'd needed the human contact. There was no heat between them anymore, it was just simply loving and obviously very warm from Bennett's too high temperature, like the weight and presence of an electric blanket on the coldest day of winter.

Finally, Bennett had cleared his throat, which sounded a little emotional, and then simply said,

"So, I think it's time to binge watch."

Claire nodded her head and wiped at her wet eyes.

"What are we watching?"

Bennett tsked before stating like it was obvious, "Grey's Autonomy."

"Oh really?" Claire had asked with an emotional little laugh. "I didn't know you were a big Grey's fan."

"Oh, I've never seen it. But I figured there's nothing like a medical drama to distract us from our own drama…. Plus, it was the only thing I could think of that had enough seasons to at least start to get us through this shit right now."

Claire just laughed as she nodded her head in agreement and Bennett had leaned forward to hit play on her laptop where he'd apparently had the show set up the entire time.

Somewhere around four am -they'd made it half way through the first season, the lights were off throughout the house and they were only illuminated by the light of the computer screen, they weren't holding each other anymore but they had slid completely down the bed so that they were laying side by side, propped on pillows as they looked down at the screen sitting half way down the bed between them, Cristina and Meredith were having a dance party in the middle of some sort of personal crisis when Bennett suddenly said,

"You know I'll always be that, right?"

"What?" Claire asked in confusion. They hadn't spoken in hours.

"That. That girly friendship soulmate commitment they're always talking about. Your person. Just like Meredith and Cristina. I'll always be that." He said simply without ever looking away from the show.

Claire immediately looked over at him with tears now spilling unashamedly out of her eyes (after all, at this point it wasn't like she really had any shame left in front of him.)

"You'll be my Cristina?" Claire choked out tired and emotionally.

Bennett finally looked over at her,

"Why do you get to be Meredith? Maybe I wanna be the lead here."

Claire laughed and wiped at her face before she gestured with her hand around the room though referring to the house as a whole,

"Because it kind of seems like we're always in the middle of all of my drama, come on, Cris, you know you don't want to be the star of something this dramatic."

Bennett laughed before nodding his agreement and simply saying, "Well you got me there, Mere."

He laughed at whatever dance moves Cristina had just busted out before reaching out casually and squeezing Claire's hand next to him. It was a simple gesture and yet Claire could feel the promise he held in it. He really meant it, no matter what, he'd be there for her.

Claire squeezed his hand in return before staring at the screen and whispering quietly, "I'll always be your person too. Meredith never gives up on Cristina either."

Bennett just nodded his head like it was all simple and obvious right before they both flinched when the screen changed to a gruesome surgery shot without any warning.

Claire smiled at the memory that was the simple comfort she was holding onto as she helped Rachel into the house through the garage door. She realized too late she had never checked to make sure Quil's car was gone and that she was heading into the house blind. They walked into the great room cautiously since if the last three days had been any indication, the way Rachel was pushing her lips together, she was probably going to puke again at any second.

There was one moment of relief when Claire looked over to discover Bennett and Jamie playing the Nintendo together with no Quil in sight, but that relief was short lived when she saw the person sitting on the couch waiting anxiously for them with his head leaning between his open legs and his hands locked over top of it.

"Travis?" Rachel asked. It seemed that the shock had managed to at least temporarily force her nausea away because she looked decidedly less green though still rather gray and pale.

Claire looked at Travis in a panic for a second. She was too exhausted to know how she should react in the moment. Should she be pissed and punch him hard in the face just to distract him so she could get a knee to his groin? Or should she be relieved that he'd finally shown up?

Not knowing what else to do, she immediately turned to Bennett for his take on having Travis there. He had just made eye contacted and shrugged undecidedly when Travis sat up in response to his name.

"Rachel!" he sighed in relief as he hopped up from the couch and immediately made his way to her without even acknowledging Claire by her side.

He grabbed Rachel without warning, pulling at her face with one hand and her hip with the other before kissing her with so much emotion it made Claire flinch (both because it hurt to see someone kissed with such abandon while her heart was broken beyond repair, and because she knew for a fact that Rachel had barfed at least twice since the last time she'd brushed her teeth.)

Travis didn't seem to mind the state of Rachel's mouth or the fact that they had a full audience because he didn't pull away until Rachel put both of her hands on his chest and pushed him back.

"Travis!" Rachel's voice broke out as her eyes overflowed with what were very obviously hurt tears. "Where have you been!?"

She was sobbing now, and Travis immediately pulled her tight into his chest where Rachel clung to him surprisingly tightly for someone who'd had almost no strength for the past few days.

"I'm so sorry, Rach! I was such an idiot! I should have realized weeks ago that this was a real thing when you said you were worried." Travis' voice suddenly changed to panicked excitement when he seemed to register what the square of paper Rachel had crushed against his ribcage was. "Holy shit! Is that it!? Is that our baby!?"

Rachel nodded as she pulled back so that she could hand it to him.

"But where have you been, Trav? You never even called me back! I've been so sick, I still feel like absolute shit, and you have been completely AWOL!"

Travis looked up from the ultrasound of Peanut that he was pouring over.

"I'm so sorry, baby! Once I finally realized this was really happening, I knew I had to make arrangements before I could come back here. I've been here all morning, waiting for you to get home so I could tell you, I signed my commitment this morning." Travis grabbed onto the tops of Rachel's arms with the ultrasound still crushed in his hand before he smiled hugely and continued excitedly, "I'm officially enlisted in the United States Airforce."

The room was completely silent for a solid thirty seconds as Bennett and Claire stood staring at each other in frozen shock trying to process what was happening before them.

"What?" Rachel finally broke the silence to ask in obvious confusion. "No. You have that football scholarship to U Dubb. We're supposed to start school together in the fall. You were going to move up there early so that we'd be together while I started summer courses!"

Travis surprised everyone when he laughed in response before shaking his head. "Change of plans, Princess! I'll actually be reporting to basic training in Texas in about four weeks… I know!" he said sympathetically when Rachel flinched, "But it's only six weeks, and then we'll be together again. I should be there for the rest of your pregnancy and for the birth of… damn, I don't even know!" he immediately pulled the ultrasound back up to study intently, "Do we know what it is yet?"

Rachel immediately shook her head though Claire wasn't sure if it was in answer to the question about the baby's gender or in pure confusion to the information Travis seemed to be thrusting upon her.

"But why? Why would you enlist, Trav?"

Travis finally slowed down for the first time as he dropped his hand with the ultrasound to look up Rachel before he answered in what was by far the most serious tone Claire had ever heard him use.

"For you, Princess… and I guess for this little squirrel thing we've got now." He held up the picture of Peanut that he was clearly referring to. "We're gonna go down to the city clerk's office today to apply for the marriage license. We're getting married at city hall on Tuesday. I already made the appointment." He paused to take a breath when he saw Rachel's obvious tears and head shake that Claire thought might have been to communicate both frustration and confusion. "Rachel, can't you see? This is the answer. You'll have full benefits and insurance. You'll never have to worry about where we're going to live. We'll be given a house on base wherever I'm stationed as soon as I finish basic. I'll make good money and you can still do school and follow all of those dreams we've always talked about. I even requested a three bedroom so that there'd be enough room for the baby and for you to have your studio to paint in."

Claire was now officially crying along with Rachel as Jamie came up slowly to stand in front of her as she wrapped her arms around him so they could watch this moment playing out together in front of them even though Claire had no idea how her sister was going to react. It sounded a little like everything Rachel could ever hope for (given the circumstances) and yet Rachel usually did not like being told what to do.

Rachel's voice cracked and tears were flowing relentlessly as she shook her head and said, "I- I can't let you do that! You can't give up football and school and your scholarship all so that I can have my dream!"

Travis just laughed a confident chuckle.

"It's too late. It's already done. I already signed the commitment. Why do you think I've been AWOL? I knew you'd never let me do it until it was already done!"

Rachel let go of him as she pulled her hands back to cover her face as she cried before saying desperately, "That's why you never even called me back!?" Travis nodded his head repentantly even with a smile on his face that Rachel must have somehow sensed with her face covered before she continued just as desperately, "But-but…. school, and your dreams! You're giving it all up for me and this stupid baby!"

Trav pulled her hands away from her face and then used a hand to grab her chin until Rachel looked at him as he shook his head. "First of all, this baby is awesome!" Rachel gave a little watery chuckle in response, "And second," his voice grew serious again as he continued, "U Dubb and football were never my dreams, Rachel. They were always just a means to an end."

Rachel scrunched up her brow as she looked at him in confusion.

"I only sent in an application to the University of Washington after I found out you'd been accepted early admission…. I only knew it was where I wanted to be when I found it was where YOU would be. I've been in love with you since you drew that stupid cupid on the white board for Valentine's day freshman year and Carey said that it was the most detailed fat baby he'd ever seen."

"You remember that?" Rachel choked out.

Travis just nodded emphatically, "Of course I do, I remember everything you've done for the past four years. I've been obsessed with you this whole time, Princess. I don't know why you never believe that I have had an insanely massive crush on you!"

"I thought you just liked to mess with me because I was that weird art girl, and you were like this hot football god!" Rachel shrilled though her tears.

Travis laughed with exasperation and shook his head as he grabbed her face in his hands with the ultrasound held tightly between two fingers, so it was obscuring Claire's view of Rachel's face and leaned forward until his forehead was pressed tightly against hers with both of their eyes closed.

"Rachel!" he sighed in what sounded almost like annoyance. "It's you. You're my dream. You and the baby. We're doing this, so please just get on board already because I have been chasing your difficult ass for four long years already."

Rachel laughed in response as she gave a slight shake of her head pressed against his. "Nm-mmm." She mumbled before she smiled and pulled back until she was looking at him. "Not until you ask me to marry you properly."

Travis smiled at Rachel in a way that made Claire suddenly feel like maybe the rest of them were intruding on this slightly confusing and yet simultaneously beautiful moment between them, before he dropped her face and knelt down on both of his knees. Claire expected him to grab Rachels hands but instead he put both of his on Rachel's hips and pulled her toward him until his face was pressed directly against the white material of the sheer tank top covering Rachel's still flat stomach.

"Is my baby really growing in here?" he asked in amazement as he used one hand to softly touch her stomach next to his ear and the other to look closer at the Peanut picture.

"Yeah!" Rachel said with distinct emotion in her voice as she continued to cry. "He really is!"

Travis smiled in response before he lifted her top to press his lips directly against the skin below Rachel's belly button where he left a soft kiss before murmuring, "Put in a good word for me with your mom, alright buddy?"

Rachel covered her sob with a hand over her mouth in response and Claire was now crying along with her just as Travis pulled back from her stomach to look up at her as he held the ultrasound in his hands like it was a sign, he had painted just for her.

"Rachel Lee Young, I have been in love with you since before I even knew what love was. Please for the love of all that is good and holy, put me out of my misery and marry me!"

Rachel had to cover her face with both of her hands as she cried before pulling them away to nod emphatically at Travis still kneeling before her.

"Yes, you idiot! All you had to do was ask!"

Author's Note:

Make sure to follow Realization so you'll always be updated on new chapters! Chapter two coming soon!

xoxo

Jess