"We're probably the first people to be down here in thousands of years," whispered Harley, as she tried to avoid the curtains of cobwebs hanging from the walls and ceiling of the narrow passage.
"Then why are you whispering?" asked Joker.
"It just seems appropriate," said Harley, shrugging. "Just a natural reaction to the awesome power of history, I guess."
"Yeah, you can't respect the awesome power of history when you're an adventurer and comedian extraordinaire," replied Joker. "Because you'll mostly be breaking into old places and stealing what they have, and occasionally destroying them."
"Look at all these hieroglyphics," said Harley, as Joker's lighter illuminated the walls.
"Can you read 'em?" asked Joker.
"Maybe," said Harley, adjusting her glasses. "Um…it's about the Batman's tomb. A warning not to open it, which makes sense. And a warning…about some kinda Bat...signal?"
"What does that mean exactly?" asked Joker.
"It says the Batsignal will summon the Batman," she said, tracing the hieroglyphs with her fingers. "But I don't know what a Batsignal is. It says it will unchain him…somehow. Maybe it's some sort of riddle?"
"Yeah, where's Nygma when you actually need him?" muttered Joker. "He could be trapped here instead of us."
"From the context, it looks like it's some kind of light," said Harley, studying the writing. "The Egyptians had a very sophisticated way of illuminating their temples – they used mirrors to reflect the sun's natural light."
"Maybe there's a mirror somewhere with a bat on it?" suggested Joker. "Did you find anything like that when you were excavating?"
"Now that you mention it, we might have," said Harley, nodding. "We found a large disc, and I was in the process of cleaning it. It was caked with layers of dirt, but it could have been glass underneath it."
"Well, the Nazis don't know about that, so that gives us an advantage if we can get out of here," said Joker. "Maybe even if they open the tomb, they won't be able to enlist the Batman without that signal thing, which would be good."
The passage ended abruptly in a set of heavy double doors, with a traditional wax seal holding them shut. Harley bent down to examine it, and then turned to Joker with a face whiter than his. "It says…it's the tomb of the Batman," she whispered.
"Really?" asked Joker. "We found it? Well, that was relatively easy. Still no closer to getting out of here, but it's another thing off our to-do list anyway…"
"Listen," whispered Harley, as she pressed her ear to the door. Joker did the same, and heard a low growling coming from within.
"He's in there," whispered Harley, aghast. "He's alive."
"First time encountering a god, huh?" asked Joker, patting her on the back. "Well, you get used to it, and it becomes less impressive the more you encounter."
"What are you doing?" gasped Harley, as Joker ripped the seal off the door. "We can't go in there!"
"Maybe he knows a way out," said Joker, shrugging. "Doesn't hurt to ask."
"Or maybe he'll drink our blood!" snapped Harley.
"Toots, this ain't my first time dealing with an immortal," retorted Joker. "I won't let him hurt you, I promise. Trust me," he said, holding out his hand to her.
She took it, nodding slowly, as Joker pushed open the door. "Oh, Batsy!" he called. "Wakey, wakey!"
"Who dares disturb my slumber?" growled a voice from the darkness within. "I smell human blood. It has been so long since I've had a taste of it…"
"Yeah, yeah, quit the vampire routine," interrupted Joker. "It doesn't scare me – I recently dealt with a plant goddess who was gonna eat my heart, and I burned her temple down. So I wouldn't mess with me, pal."
"You dare threaten me, the Batman?" growled the voice. "I have feasted on the blood of thousands of mortals, and I will feast on yours too, insolent one."
"Yeah, try it," retorted Joker.
A huge, dark shape suddenly lunged forward, half-illuminated in the small flame cast by the cigarette lighter. It was a shadowy outline of a giant, hulking brute, a half-man, half-bat creature, with glowing red eyes which burned in the light. And who was prevented from attacking Joker by thick, shining, silver chains, which he beat his wings angrily against.
"I thought so," said Joker, smiling smugly. "The hieroglyphics said you were all chained up. You need that Batsignal thing to be free, huh? So the Nazis can't release you like they planned."
"Who are the Nazis?" asked Batman.
"They're a bunch of humorless morons who think they should run the world," retorted Joker. "And shape it into their perfect vision of order. A bleak, rigid place full of rules and regulations, where everyone toes the line and does what they're told, and nobody is free to do anything."
"They sound like truly enlightened people," said Batman. "I would gladly help them in their quest for perfect order."
"Well, you won't be able to," retorted Joker. "Because I ain't telling 'em about the Batsignal, and neither is Harley. And even if we wanted to, we're both stuck in here. You don't know of a way out, do ya, Batsy? If you weren't chained up, say."
"My tomb is buried beneath miles and miles of sand," murmured Batman. "I have not seen a hint of daylight for centuries. That is destined to be your fate too, although I suppose you mortals will succumb to death fairly quickly. You are doomed to share my tomb, which should wipe the smile off of your face."
"Nah, nothing does that," retorted Joker. "Anyway, I ain't rolling over to die just yet. C'mon, toots," he said to Harley. "Let's look around."
They carefully searched the cavernous room, but Batman's statement appeared to be accurate. The tomb was sealed, and there was nothing in it that would help them escape.
"Well, at least if the Nazis do open up this tomb, they might find us before we starve to death," said Joker, sitting down at last. "I mean, they'll kill us anyway, but probably with a quicker method than starving. Although they are Nazis, so I guess that's not guaranteed."
"It's the dehydration I'm worried about right now," murmured Harley, sitting down next to him. "I'm so thirsty. How long does it take to die of thirst?"
"Depends," said Joker, shrugging. "Sometimes two to three days, but it'll feel a lot longer."
"I'm already hallucinating the sound of water," she sighed. "Must be like seeing a mirage in the desert."
"Yeah…I'm hearing it too," agreed Joker. "But maybe it's not a hallucination," he said, as he lay his ear against the ground.
"What is it?" asked Harley, but Joker shushed her, holding up his hand for silence. Then he smiled.
"Dig, toots," he said, beginning to scrape against the dirt and sand beneath them.
"What are you doing?" demanded Batman.
"There is a way out, sucker!" chuckled Joker. "Too bad you're chained up, or you could come with us!"
"Impossible!" shouted Batman. He raised his huge form up and struggled against his chains, but they held fast. But his struggle caused the tomb to shake around them, sending sand and debris down upon them.
"Hurry, keep digging!" shouted Joker, as Batman strained forward, but he was still unable to reach them. In frustration, Batman pounded his fists against the ground, and the reverberation combined with the digging was enough to drop the ground out from under them. Joker and Harley fell down and landed in the torrent of water which flowed beneath the tomb.
"Thanks for the help, Bats!" shouted Joker, before the underground river pulled him out of view of Batman's seething red eyes. Joker held his breath as the water tossed and pulled them through dark caverns and dank passages. It finally burst out into a blinding flash of light, and when Joker opened his eyes, he saw that the raging water had deposited them against the shores of a desert oasis.
He coughed and spat out water, looking around for Harley. She lay next to him on the sandy shore, completely still and not breathing. "Hey, toots, c'mon," said Joker, shaking her. "C'mon, c'mon, breathe."
He pressed against her chest, and then tried to breathe into her mouth. "C'mon, Harley, wake up!" he hissed, pounding her chest as he put his mouth to hers again.
She suddenly choked and started coughing up water, and Joker relaxed, collapsing back on the sand next to her. "Thought I'd lost you for a moment there," he said.
"Me too," gasped Harley. "With the light and the sun and your mouth on mine…I thought I had woken up in heaven."
He looked at her and saw her blushing slightly. "Well, we did just survive a couple near death experiences," he said with a smile. "You confusing CPR with a kiss is completely understandable, especially since I don't think CPR has been invented yet."
"Yeah," she agreed, gazing at him. "You might try showing me the difference, so I'm not confused again."
He grinned, and then tenderly lowered his mouth to hers. She let out a sigh, curling her fingers into his green hair.
"That enough? Or you think you need more education?" he asked, grinning at her as he drew away at last.
"A gal can always use more education," she said, grinning back. "Even a doctor."
"My thoughts exactly, Dr. Quinzel," he murmured, bending down to kiss her again.