CHAPTER 12
Claire:
"So, what are you wearing tonight?" Emily's soft voice asked with her usual level of kind consideration.
Claire held back a groan at the question as she looked down at her long sleeve t-shirt dress that had a snot stain on it from when Sarah cried on her shoulder and meatball sauce from when Jamie had tried to start a food fight with Jonah. It had been one of those days. Claire was already exhausted but knew that she needed to pull herself back together again, the rehearsal dinner started in less than an hour.
"Uh… Quil's bringing me a dress." Claire lied quickly without really looking at Emily.
The truth was that in her rush to get Jamie and herself ready and out the door that morning she had given exactly two seconds thought to the rehearsal dinner and ended with the thought that she was already wearing a dress and she'd be fine. The dirty, wrinkled, and probably mysterious-smelling, gray knit dress she was wearing was definitely not gonna cut it during the cocktail hour tonight. She was too embarrassed to admit it to her aunt though who seemed to be constantly watching her to make sure she was handling … Claire wasn't sure what exactly, life maybe? Or grief… or responsibility….. she really wasn't sure but anyway it went, she didn't want Emily to ever have any idea how much she really was struggling to try to manage everything in her life the same as she had before her dad died and take his place at the same time, all without Quil as a boyfriend anymore to support her….
"Oh good." Emily replied softly in her always too kind almost whisper of a voice, "So, you two are going together then?"
Again, Claire held back a groan as she busied her hands with unpacking Jamie's overnight bag there in the boy's room, that bag was the reason she'd been too distracted this morning to grab a more appropriate dress.
"Oh no. Bennett's my date for the wedding tomorrow, the rehearsal is just family and the wedding party…. Are you sure you and Sam don't want to come tonight?" Claire asked mostly just to try to divert the attention away from herself.
"No, we'll be there tomorrow. And I love Brady and Sofia, but I'm exhausted after this week, I'll happily toast to their love tomorrow." Emily said with a wink, but Claire knew it was all B.S. Emily was never tired, and she would do anything for the people that she cared about. It was because Claire was their regular babysitter and since she was in the wedding party, they'd have to find a different sitter in order to go.
"Okay…." Claire agreed hesitantly since she was supposed to be walking down the aisle and standing up with the bride, there really was no way she could offer to stay and babysit. Besides after the day she'd had she wanted to run away as far and as fast as she could from those four kids. "Well, Jamie should be all set for tonight, but you can always call if there's a problem."
"How are things with Quil, Claire?" Emily asked softly but so directly that Claire's head snapped around from the sleeping bag she'd been evaluating to look in shock at her aunt. She hadn't even tried to segue into the subject or acknowledge her comment at all.
"Why do you ask?" Claire suddenly accused, knowing she had pushed this conversation off for weeks now and there was no way Sam and Emily didn't know that things were different now between Quil and her, his imprint.
Emily sighed as she herself leaned down and smoothed the sleeping bag on the floor, "Leah called me this week. Why didn't you tell me you two had broken up?"
This time Claire couldn't hold back the groan that escaped her as she grabbed at her suddenly nauseous stomach in an effort to hold herself together. There was really no good way to answer this. She could never pretend like things were still happy-go-lucky-in-love liked they'd been between her and Quil just a couple months ago. The change was evident and yet there was no good way for her to defend herself against it. Any explanation she offered was just more humiliation waiting for her. What could she say? Quil didn't want her. Couldn't stomach the idea of being together. He had done the deed and crossed the line and then lived to regret it…. regret her.
"Because it's not something I really talk about…" Claire finally hemmed, wishing that the always observant Emily would drop it.
"How long ago?" she asked instead so that Claire shoved her hair out of her face and looked up at her from the floor where she was kneeling next to Jamie's sleeping bag.
"Three weeks after dad died." She answered immediately and without any emotion.
Emily made a noise somewhere between a hiss and a gasp. "Really!?" she asked in obvious shock and Claire just nodded her head in confirmation as she looked away again grateful that they were focusing on the facts of it all instead of the feelings. She hadn't really been forced to talk about it this way and she was a little surprised to find that if she just focused on the base timeline, she could talk about it without getting emotional.
"Wow, I'm so surprised. I mean obviously we've known for weeks that something was wrong between you two, but back then I thought you two were so… -I don't know." Emily suddenly cut off as if she just realized that she was speaking out loud.
"You thought we were so what?" Claire asked even though she knew that she shouldn't.
The answer would probably hurt, but she was way too morbidly curious to let it drop. The way Emily had said it was surprising though, like she was implying something. Like Claire and Quil were different, maybe even from other wolf-imprint couples, and Claire was suddenly dying to know how or what she'd perceived in their relationship.
Emily just shook her head regretfully as she grabbed a pillow off Sam Junior's bed and fluffed it up before setting in on Jamie's sleeping bag.
"What were you going to say, Emily?" Claire asked softly as she sat down with a small huff on Jonah's bed opposite Sam Jr's. "You thought Quil and I were so … what?"
Emily hesitated for a moment before she suddenly stepped over the sleeping bag on the floor and sat down with her own small huff right next to Claire so that they were brushing arms.
"So…." She seemed to struggle before admitting, "Settled, I guess."
Emily gave a small laugh at the look on Claire's face that she realized was showing too much of both how unexpected and disappointing Emily's synopsis of their relationship was.
"It's hard to put into words, if I'm being honest." Emily admitted before trying to explain, "Most of our relationships seem to follow steps and patterns; meet slash imprint, fall in love, date for a while, get engaged, get married, followed by almost immediate babies…. And in between there are all these smaller steps, first kisses, first I love you's, all of those things."
Claire nodded her head in a mixture of both agreement and encouragement, Emily took a breath in and then seemed to hesitate as she thought about it before she continued,
"You and Quil have always been different than the rest of us imprints and wolves….. he waited so long for you…. Longer than he needed to even… You were so young…. So much younger than anyone else… He was that guardian roll for you for so long and then when you finally got together it was like you'd spent so much time with each other already that you had skipped all the in between steps…" Emily trailed off a little wistfully. "It's not a bad thing!" she quickly assured as if she suddenly realized how it sounded, and looked directly at Claire as she continued, "You didn't need that. You were just ready to be together. You didn't need to be chased or wooed and you didn't need grand gestures. I don't even think you needed I love you's. You already knew he loved you, you just needed him to be willing to love you as a woman and then admit it."
She hesitated again as she stopped and suddenly looked at Claire again like she was worried about how she was taking it. Claire just nodded her head in encouragement, desperate for Emily to just continue and finish her thoughts. Claire couldn't say for certain if the words Emily was saying were shockingly hurtful, or already blatantly obvious to her, it felt like a mixture of both and they hit her hard, deep in the chest where they stirred and moved her in ways she couldn't analyze yet, she just knew she needed to hear all of what Emily was going to say. Emily must have seen that too because she continued as if she'd never paused,
"Seeing you two together this spring…. It was like … like…" she seemed to struggle with her thoughts before continuing, "Like you skipped the honeymoon phase. Don't get me wrong, you two were happy, happier than I'd ever seen either of you, but you didn't need…. It seemed to just not be you two- to need that step of being just caught up in it. In being blinded by the love and the power of the imprint magic. You just were a couple, completely and harmoniously working together as a team, two halves of your own whole. Does that make any sense, Claire?" she asked as she looked at her nervously like she was sure she had offended her.
Claire just nodded insistently, desperately wanting Emily to stop hesitating and just get through what she was going to say. Emily nodded in response before she took another breath and continued again,
"I told Sam I thought you two would be married before Brady and Sofia this summer." Emily admitted like she was ripping off a band-aid. "It just seemed like he'd spent so much time waiting for you and you'd spent so much time waiting for him to figure out that he was waiting for you that you two were done with anything less than beginning your forever."
Claire suddenly had to turn away to look forward while she wondered if her heart had just ripped painfully in two.
She knew she needed to hear what Emily was going to say but she felt the truth rip through her so powerfully she was a little amazed that she could still be sitting there so calmly next to Emily. Her eyes were blurred with tears that hadn't fallen yet.
"Was I that obvious!?" she suddenly choked out.
Emily wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder as she held tight and said easily, "Not obvious, I just recognize in you the different emotions I've felt through my own experience…. different of course, but all anyone really ever needed to do was watch you to see how much you've always been in love with him."
Claire bit her lip as her pride seemed to break right along with her heart this time.
"This is so embarrassing!" Claire admitted since she couldn't deny any of the things Emily had just pointed out. "Everyone knows and can see how much he doesn't want me… doesn't want that."
She felt Emily stiffen against her for a second with concern and confusion before she asked softly, "What do you mean he doesn't want you? Why did you two break up, Claire?"
Claire sucked in a breath as she tried to think of the best way to explain things just as a loud crash complete with the sound of breaking glass came from the direction of the kitchen.
Emily stood up at the same time Claire did but tried to push her back down so that she was still sitting,
"No, I got it. You're off the clock. Just relax and I'll be back in a minute to finish this conversation."
Claire shook her head, grateful for the chance to escape as she wiped the evidence of her tears from under her eyes. "I need to go. I still have to change, and I was gonna go early to help set up."
She could tell Emily was torn between her need to run out and check on the kids and whatever mess they'd just made, and her seeming need to force Claire to finish the conversation. Claire took the decision out of her hand by grabbing her bag she'd dropped by Jamie's and leading the way out the door. She bypassed the kitchen that all three of the Uley kids were standing in staring guiltily at each other over a mess of what looked like chocolate pudding and glass splattered everywhere and stopping only to give Jamie a kiss on the head from where he was watching tv. She called a general goodbye as Emily tried to call out to her to wait, clearly wanting to make sure she was okay, but she was already out the door, shutting it on Emily's entreaties.
She blew out a strangled breath as she ran to her car while refusing to cry. She needed to get through this night, and thinking about how she and Quil were so in love and supposed to have already been in the middle of starting their happily-ever-after was not going to be conducive to getting through it.
Claire shook her head as she hopped in her car and shoved her purse in the passenger seat. She needed to figure out what she was gonna wear and make an hour long trip home and back in less than forty minutes, and probably find a massive amount of caffeine. She didn't need to cry. She definitely didn't need to cry. She definitely shouldn't cry.
She pepped herself up over it as she wiped her eyes again and blinked them dry and then shoved the keys into the dash. She pushed her foot on the gas as she turned the ignition but then instead of gunning the engine, the car just clicked a couple times. Claire gasped as if the car itself had just said something incredibly offensive and dropped her foot from the peddle before she twisted the ignition again. Again, it just gave some clicks until she stopped trying to start it.
No longer able to hold back the tears any more they started silently falling down her face as she let her head fall forward against the steering wheel before reaching across for her purse, and grabbing the phone she hadn't had time to look at all day. She didn't have the strength after her exhausting day to let herself question it before she did the only thing that felt intuitive. She ignored all of her notifications, not bothering to even see who they were from or what they were for, before she went to her favorites and hit the first number.
She stared at the ceiling as the phone rang and tried to blink away the tears that just leaked out and ran down her face instead of dissipating. Claire's gut clenched as she tried to remember the last time she had called him but couldn't. She'd been avoiding contact with him as much as she could for weeks.
"Hello?" he asked after the fourth ring, sounding only a little surprised.
"Quil?" she asked and was suddenly horrified with how broken her tear-filled voice sounded.
She almost dropped the phone in her lap. If she'd any idea her voice was going to sound like that, she would have just sent him a text.
"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.
Instead of answering that something was wrong with her car like she'd meant to, she opened her mouth and then, to Claire's horror, sobs started pouring unexpectedly out of her.
She slapped a hand over her traitorous mouth, shocked by how it had betrayed her. She wondered briefly if she should just hang up as a desperate attempt to stop this train wreck in its tracks.
"Claire!? Where are you? What's going on?" he asked quickly one question after another and she thought she could hear him already picking up his keys.
She gulped down a huge breath as she shook her head and said in a rush, "Nothing! I'm fine! I'm sorry! I've just had a really long day with the kids and my car won't start and I don't know what's wrong with it!"
It was silent for a second like he was trying to digest what she'd said while processing her obviously tearful voice. She expected him to ask a million more questions, either about her day or about the car, but instead all he did was ask in a calm, authoritative voice,
"Where are you?"
Claire took another deep breath and managed to stop shaking her body with the force of her crying, before she replied in a more reasonable voice, "I'm still in front of Sam and Emily's house."
"I'll be there in twenty minutes." He said almost dismissively, and Claire knew he was seconds away from hanging up before she yelled,
"Wait! I need you to go to my house and pick up a dress for me!"
"A dress?" he asked in complete confusion and Claire knew immediately that he'd forgotten about the rehearsal dinner the second she'd started crying, "What dress?"
"A dress for the rehearsal. It starts in like thirty minutes and I was the idiot who didn't bring a dress." She replied quickly as she smacked at her forehead and then started crying again, this time at least it was silently but she couldn't shake the feeling that somehow, someway, he could still tell.
"Okay." He agreed in a measured tone, "Where do I get the dress?"
Claire blew out a breath of relief that he was apparently coming to her rescue… she just wished she didn't need it, or better yet that she could be her own hero… needing other people's help sucked.
"It's in my closet by the-" she started to say but he cut across her suddenly to ask in apparent shock, "You want me to go into your room?"
"Yes, Quil. I need you to get my dress." Claire explained a little impatiently.
"I thought it was in that bag hanging downstairs by your dad's office." He replied in obvious confusion and Claire shook her head even though he couldn't see her.
"No. That's my bridesmaid dress for tomorrow."
"Okay…." He answered and seemed super hesitant like he didn't understand why she wasn't supposed to wear that dress tonight. "So, what dress do you need me to get?"
"My homecoming dress." Claire replied in a rush feeling an almost urgent need for him to hurry.
"You're homecoming dress? The one you made when you went with Bennett?"
Claire had no idea why he sounded so shocked by the idea. It wasn't like she owned an entire closet's worth of cocktail dresses.
"Yes! It's in the back of my closet behind the dress I wore to my dad's funeral! It's on a hanger but it's long, Quil, so make sure the train doesn't drag on the ground."
Quil was silent for a second before he suddenly said,
"Hold on, I'm just walking into the house. Walk me through this."
Claire nodded again, surprised he was already at her house, as she gripped tight to her stomach and looked down at the red/brown stain right next to her hand.
"You sure you want me to go in your room?" he asked hesitantly.
"How else would you get my dress?" she replied.
"I don't know. Ask Rachel to get it for me?"
"She's in California. Just go in and get it, Quil!" she rushed slightly impatiently.
She heard a door open and then he suddenly hissed before muttering half under his breath, "Jeez, Claire."
"I know! I've just been busy this week." She defended immediately, knowing he had to be shocked by the unusually hazardous state of her bedroom.
She tried to remember how she'd left it this morning. She knew she hadn't made her bed, and she hadn't done laundry in almost two weeks, not just that, but she'd started to sort her dirty clothes two days ago before giving up and deciding to deal with it later so that there were at least three different abandoned piles of dirty clothes on the floor that by now also had whatever dirty clothes she'd thrown out of the suitcase from Vegas that Bennett had brought over and she hadn't bothered to unpack and just left in the middle of the floor. It definitely resembled Rachel's room more than anything Claire would ever live in for any amount of time.
"You're homecoming dress?" Quil asked without acknowledging her defense for her mess.
"Yes. In the back of the closet!" she said eagerly as she heard him start moving hangers across the rack.
"Okay, got it." He replied and she blew out a breath in relief. "Anything else?"
"Yes." She said and then they both paused and waited for her to say what else she needed.
She was frozen for a second but took a deep breath and shook her head as she refused to let herself think about it what she was asking him.
"I need you to get my strapless bra."
It was silent for a second on his end before he finally said, "Okay… how would I find that?"
Claire blew out another breath as she felt her cheeks heat beneath her phone and felt the embarrassment as she admitted, "It's on the floor…. By my bedroom door. I think it's under a pink tube top…"
"You have a pink tube top?!" was his immediately concerned reply.
"Focus, Quil!" she said as more a distraction from answering the question than anything else.
"I think I found it." He said hesitantly, "Is it a weird tan color? Damn, why do you have so many bras on your floor?"
"It's nude, yes." Claire answered and heard him swallow in response and tried in vain not to think about what he was possibly thinking of as soon as she said nude while he was probably touching her bra.
"Okay, why is it so thick? It looks different from all of your other bras."
"It's supposed to look like that. It is different…. It's strapless." Claire tried to explain simply. "Does it have any straps on it?"
"…. I don't think so… what constitutes a strap?" he asked sounding both confused and uncomfortable. "Can't I just bring you a regular bra?"
"No, Quil! I'm wearing a regular bra! I need the strapless one to go with that dress. If it doesn't have any adjustable shoulder straps, is nude in color, and you found it on the floor under a pink top than it's definitely the right one." Claire tried to explain without getting too exasperated.
"Alright. I think I got it then." He replied.
"And the dress?" Claire questioned him.
"And the dress." He assured her before softly saying in a voice that made her gut clench even tighter, "It's going to be okay, Claire."
"Okay." She replied feeling comforted from him just saying the words.
"Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes."
"Okay." She replied again as she sucked in a deep breath.
"Just stay calm, I'll be right there."
"…. Thank you." She finally replied softly once she'd found her voice again.
"No problem. I'm glad you called me."
Claire nodded again without actually saying anything.
"I'll see you soon." He assured her. "'kay, I love you, bye." He said easily, and she heard him start his car before he hung up.
Claire gasped as she yanked the phone away from her to stare at the screen as if it could give her some answers as to why he would end the call like that. Her mind suddenly reeled as she thought it through. She'd already told him not to say he loved her unless he meant it. Was he just distracted? Saying it as a force of habit from when they used to talk on the phone all the time? She'd had an embarrassing moment just the other day when she'd almost kissed him by mistake, so him saying it by accident made potential sense. Or was he taking advantage of the situation to maybe force his platonic love in when she was weak because he'd been dying to do it for weeks now?
Her head spun over the possibility of it for the next ten minutes before she finally shook her head and forced herself to let it go. Her only other option was to ask him about it, and she already had enough humiliation to deal with. She quickly grabbed her purse and dug through it, looking for anything to help her appearance that she'd wished she'd been more worried about this morning. All she found was a hair tie and tube of lipstick.
I guess it'll have to do. She thought a little apathetically as she looked at her natural hair in frizzy waves hanging past where she could see in the flap mirror and wishing she had curled it that morning. She thought about it for a moment and decided to try to act like it was intentional as she pulled it over one shoulder and then started braiding it to the side so that it was gathered into a braid over her right side before tying off the ends and then wrapping a strand of hair around it a few times and tucking it under to hide the hair tie. She smoothed down the frizz around her face before using her fingers to pull out some pieces to hang in soft waves around her face and loosen the braid. It wasn't great but it was passable and with any luck Sofia and Brady would have no idea that she put exactly zero foresight or effort into tonight.
She pulled off the cap to her lipstick to see that it was a dark berry shade. Claire looked at her cried off and smeared mascara still drying around her eyes and suddenly used her fingers to smear it around her bottom lash line like it was just a smoky eyeliner and then used her fingers to try to curl her wet lashes back up. It made her fingers a mess, but she was surprised by how intentional it looked instead of puffy teary eyed. She swiped on her lipstick in a light layer and knew she still needed to put on the dress, but then she figured she could fairly well blend into a cocktail party. She even found a pair of Rachel's earrings in a cupholder that she put in. They were big black sparkly studs but at least it was jewelry. And she still had her gold C necklace she always wore.
She blew out a breath as she looked down at her phone and then at the clock on the dash, wondering if she should just woman up and go back into the house. Since she was parked to the side of the detached garage, she knew no one could see her from the house and they had all probably assumed that she'd already left. It didn't make sense to wait in the car especially when Quil wouldn't be there for at least fifteen more minutes and not the five he had left from the timeline he'd given her. It took at least twenty-five minutes to get to La Push so there was no way he'd get there that fast especially on a Friday night around rush hour. Still, she sat in the car. If she went inside, Emily would just be so understanding and try to hug her and want to keep talking and then Claire would definitely probably start crying again…..
Claire shook her head just thinking about it when suddenly a flash of black caught her eye in the rearview mirror and she looked up just in time to see the Camaro pulling up next to her.
She opened her car door as she climbed out at the same moment Quil did but stared at him across the top of his car like he was crazy.
"How did you get here from my house in fifteen minutes?" she asked in shock.
He just stared at her face for a second seeming to focus in on the deep shade on her lips before he suddenly shrugged unconcerned and replied, "I just drove efficiently."
"Efficiently?" Claire scoffed, ignoring his evaluating perusal of her messy dress combined with her hair and makeup she'd just fixed up. "You'd have to have driven like a psycho to make it that fast."
He rolled his eyes at her response as he walked around the front of his car to meet her, "You needed me here, Claire."
He said it so simply, like that was all that mattered, and he would do anything to get to her, that it had Claire speechless for a second as he met her by the driver's side door of her car and then for some reason reached for her hand against her stomach so that he was suddenly holding her hand between them.
"Wow, you have had a rough day, huh?" he remarked as he looked down at her and she was snapped out of the stupor he had put her in.
She was about to take some real offense since she had just tried to disguise her hair and face into something resembling wedding-ready but then she realized he was looking at her dress that looked like the before shot in a Tide commercial and that would probably have been worn by a teenaged football player.
"Yeah." She muttered exhausted, as he used her hand to pull her forward away from her car.
She realized even as he was doing it that it was the reason he'd grabbed her hand, and was just pulling her out of the way but the momentum caused her to fall forward into him so that she had to catch herself against his chest and use her free arm to try to push against his arm and support herself while still holding his hand.
Quil gave one surprised chuckle as she hit him, before he let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her as she pushed against him and slightly pull her into him, ignoring her resistance. She went quickly with only a minimal fight, partly because he had momentum on his side and partly because she needed the hug so badly.
"It's going to be okay, Claire." He suddenly whispered softly as he held her the same as he had every time she'd been upset and overwhelmed since she was a child and Claire suddenly melted into him as she realized that this was why she had called him when she could have chosen to keep avoiding him.
She could have called Bennett. He'd have dropped everything to help her. She could have just asked Sam who was in the house and finishing up work from the computer in his room. She could have called Collin and Leah who could have been there in five minutes and Leah probably would have given her a full make over for the party while Collin tried vainly to fix her car.
But she'd called Quil because when he held her like this, no one else could give her this feeling. Could automatically make her feel better, feel like everything really would be okay, just by hugging her.
She nodded her head against his chest, and he just sighed and pulled her in tighter and she suddenly realized that she wasn't the only one who had missed this. Who needed this contact between the two of them. He probably needed it even more than she did. And with that thought she suddenly dropped her arms pushed against him, right along with all her pretenses, and wrapped her arms all the way around him, grabbing his dress shirt and fisting it in her palms directly against his shoulder blades. She squeezed as tightly as she could and pulled herself in closer so that there was no space between them. She held tight, securely in place as she held her breath and felt like she was finally coming home to him.
She knew she shouldn't be giving in to these instincts to be held by him, that she was just opening herself to more pain and rejection from him, but she didn't seem to have any fight left in her to stop herself. It felt so comforting, so simple and necessary to just hold and be held by him.
He blew out a shaky breath as he held on to her, and she knew he felt the tone shift between them from offering simple comfort to her, to now holding each other with an acknowledgement of needing the other. Claire's eyes teared up again, but she blinked them dry as she breathed into his chest against her face and smelled him again in a much more concentrated form than she had for probably months now, even when she'd been drunk in his arms, she hadn't been able to smell him like this. The smell alone seemed to be clearing her head and helping her to feel less fragile. That smell of trees and bodywash and motor oil and somehow warm, like a campfire, that was so distinctly him.
Eventually, she realized she had been holding onto him for probably way too long and forced her palms to release their death grip, knowing had that she'd probably left wrinkles there on the back of his shirt. She pulled her arms down his back slowly as she finally took a step back.
We aren't together! That's how he wants it! She reminded herself with a gentle chastisement as she looked away when she moved back and felt the regret from him as he let her go.
She cleared her throat as she tried to think of what she could say when he cleared his throat and broke the tense silence,
"Let's look at your car, okay?"
She nodded gratefully and stepped out of the way so that he could access the driver's side of the car she was still blocking. She knew the moment was over, but she wished his breaking the silence had also broken the bubble of feelings still lingering between the two of them.
She moved immediately out of the way as she tried to stop thinking about it. All he had to do was lean over and pop the hood before he leaned in and turned the key in the ignition so that the clicking started again. It only clicked three times before he stopped and nodded his head, pulling out of the car again, clearly knowing what he was looking for much more than she did.
"Do you know what's wrong with it?" Claire whispered.
"Yeah," he answered unconcerned as he moved around her to the trunk of the Camaro and popped it open. "It's either the battery or the alternator."
He pulled out some sort of gage before he moved back around her, stopping just long enough to look down at her as he past and suddenly he smiled.
"What?" she asked confused.
"Nothing. You just look so worried." He replied with a laugh. "Relax, Claire."
She just nodded as she rubbed her arms and looked away, a little grateful that apparently, they weren't going to acknowledge whatever had just happened between them with the hug that was a definitely more than a hug and felt more like the way you'd embrace a lover who just came back from a war zone, or the fact that he'd just said I love you less than twenty minutes ago.
He went to the hood of her car and lifted it easily before propping it up. By the time she'd collected herself enough to follow him so she could try to see what was going on he was attaching the gage to the battery. She watched in silence for a moment as he worked, before he pulled the gage back and then removed the stick propping up the hood.
"What are you doing?" Claire asked confused as he slammed the hood closed again.
"It's the alternator." He replied with a shrug like that explained it.
"Well, isn't that kind of important?" Claire asked as he moved back to the Camaro and put the gage back in his bag in the trunk.
"Yeah. You aren't going anywhere without it."
"So, what do I do now?" Claire asked confused since he seemed so unconcerned about it.
"Nothing. I'll come back tomorrow and replace it." He replied easily.
"Tomorrow? But my car..." Claire started flabbergasted and Quil laughed at her again so that she looked up at him walking back to where she was still frozen by the hood of her car.
"Well, I could do it tonight, but it'll be messy, and we'd definitely miss the rehearsal dinner."
"The rehearsal!" Claire suddenly gasped since she'd briefly forgotten all about it in the midst of her mess of feelings for Quil and her car not working. "Where's my dress?"
Quil reached over to the passenger side door of the Camaro and pulled it open with a small flourish so that it looked like he was presenting a person instead of the dress hanging across it from the handle above the door. He pulled out the cream-colored dress carefully so that the train didn't drag on the ground or the slight grease on his fingers didn't smear against it before he passed it over to her. Claire had to hold it spread between both arms to keep it up as Quil ducked back into the car and then came back out with her strapless bra and a red rag in hand.
"And one, tan color, no shoulder straps, under a pink tube top, bra." He said easily as he set it on top of the dress she was holding and then used the rag to try to wipe off the grease on his hands.
Claire chuckled in response as she looked up at him watching her like he was trying to gage how she was going to react to him.
The fact that they didn't seem to know each other well enough anymore to know how the other would react or to really ask each other for favors hurt more than she wanted to think about and she had to look away as she suddenly looked around her to try to find the best place to change.
"You aren't gonna go inside?" Quil asked clearly reading her in this moment just as well as he ever had before.
Claire just shook her head. "They all think I left half an hour ago."
Quil blew out a breath as he looked at their cars, both incredibly small when thinking about trying to put on a formal dress. Claire looked behind the detached garaged that faced the forest instead of the beach like the rest of the yard. The only danger there, was if some unsuspecting wolf was running past, which was not unusual here in La Push especially past Sam and Emily's house, but seeing as how almost all of those wolves were already supposed to be at the rehearsal, she figured she'd be safe. She sighed as she looked at the garage with its blank wall of siding and then at the dress in her arms.
"I think I'm gonna need you to help me." She admitted as she looked up at Quil.
He seem to hesitate for a second before he muttered, "Uh… I don't know, Claire…"
Claire raised an eyebrow in exasperated disbelief as she started to back up and head towards the privacy hiding behind the garage.
"Really?" she asked skeptically and then was surprised when he took a step forward to follow her.
"What?" he asked slightly defensively as he shrugged his shoulders.
"You checked out my ass less than a week ago, but you can't help me get into this dress?" Claire argued but with confusion.
Quil groaned which made just Claire laugh as they continued farther behind the garage. She didn't understand how he could be comfortable with the one but not the other.
"For the last time, I was not checking out your ass! I was noticing your panties." He tried to defend which just made Claire laugh again.
"I don't understand why you think that's a better defense!" she giggled and when he reached a hand out to her for just one second she thought that he was reaching for her waist to tickle her in punishment but he seemed to change his mind half way there so that instead of reaching for her he was grabbing the hanger hanging past her arm from the dress.
"You want me to hold this?" he asked, suddenly all business but with just a trace of the smile left over from her teasing him.
"Yes." She replied as she cleared her throat and suddenly felt uncomfortable again as she handed it over so that he was lifting it high enough to not trail on the ground. "Now turn around."
He did as he was told as she held the strapless bra in her hand and then looked around for a place to set it so she could take off her dress. She cleared her throat again when she couldn't find anything except maybe a tree a few feet away that would put her in view of the road.
"I need you to hold this." She said as she held out the bra and he turned around again until he looked at her in confusion.
He raised his eyebrows as he grabbed it and asked, "I thought you were supposed to be putting this on?"
She was quick as she replied, "I am, but I have to take my dress off first. Now turn around please, and hand it back to me when I say."
Quil rolled his eyes at her apparent bossiness as he turned back around.
"And why do you need me here for this?" he asked as she took her dress off over her head and then threw it over his shoulder so that it was hanging down his back.
Claire didn't bother to respond as she reached behind her and unhooked her lace bra before letting it fall loose off her arms. She quickly slung it on top of her dress on his shoulder before she suddenly recognized the deep navy color just as she reached over his shoulder with her hand open so that she could grab the strapless bra from him while she felt her face heat a little at the memories that bra was bringing up.
"Seriously?" he accused with a groan as he handed it back to her and nodded pointedly at the bra she'd just place on his shoulder without looking back at her.
"Sorry…" she admitted with a shrug he couldn't see just so he'd know she hadn't done it with that bra on purpose, "But you have already seen ALL of this, right?" Claire remarked offhandedly, trying to play it off like she wasn't affected and save her own dignity as she fastened the strapless bra closed behind her and then pulled on the cups to adjust their fit and position.
"So, what… you think that just makes me impervious to seeing it again?" Quil asked in confusion, "Like I'm just unaffected by what you have to offer?"
"…Uh pretty much." Claire whispered mostly to herself without really thinking about what she was saying. She was suddenly caught in her head reliving that night that he'd broken up with her when she'd basically tried to offer it all up to him.
She reached for her dress from behind him and he seemed to stiffen as reached back and she pulled the dress back from behind his shoulder.
She took it and held it up with one hand as she unbuttoned it and carefully removed it from the hanger, she dropped the hanger behind her against the garage.
"Claire?" he asked quietly as she tried to focus on finding a way to put the dress on without it dragging across the ground.
"Yeah?" she asked distractedly as she tried to bunch the whole thing up from the skirt and then lift it above her head.
"I checked out your ass on Sunday."
Claire froze with the dress bunched around her arms raised in the air in front of her and lowered it back down until it was hitting her bare stomach.
"What?" she asked in shock that he'd admit it, especially so randomly and factually like that.
"I checked out your ass… I got there and I could see your breasts through my shirt you were wearing, and I completely looked…. Twice actually…. I definitely looked twice." He said in all one breath like he was confessing something.
Claire felt her whole body heat and looked down at herself in just her underwear and the strapless bra she'd just put on to feel the thought of him looking at her body like that the ever so slightly heating her, grateful that he couldn't see her from where he was still turned around facing away from her to give her privacy. She felt a little embarrassed that he'd apparently seen so much without her realizing, but she wasn't sure if she was more pleased he'd noticed, or maybe even offended that he did. Why would he look at her?…. Especially now?
"Why are you telling me this?" she whispered since she was afraid to speak in a normal volume.
"Because… I know you think I'm trying to take us back… to make us what we were together before we were ever together." He started sounding frustrated, "That I don't notice you anymore, that I don't want you. That I just somehow turned off that part of me and I need you to know that's not true." He finished with a mix of frustration and almost regret like he really did need her to understand.
She was silent for a second with the dress still bunched around her arms as she processed what he had said while they both just stayed standing facing away from each other.
"So…. What are you trying to do then?"
Quil almost snorted as he sort of scoffed and then admitted, "I don't know… now I'm just trying to make things right."
Claire nodded her head that he couldn't see as something started growing in her chest so that it felt like it was taking root there.
Hope, she suddenly realized, when she thought about how he still wanted her, before she bit her lip and shook her head as she tried to fight against it blooming and worming its way into her heart. He'd just admitted it. Sure, and he was clearly confused. That much was obvious. But maybe with just a little bit of time and the tiniest bit of pushes in the right moments, he'd figure it all out again….He felt the pull to her just as much as she did. He had to be missing them as a team, a partnership just like Emily had described them.
Claire bit back on the hope trying to bloom as she tried to ignore the ache in her stomach that seemed to be her guard wanting to throw up, and cleared her throat and then asked in an impressively normal voice for how confused she felt, "Well do you think you could potentially help me get this dress on without checking out my ass or looking at my breasts this time?"
Quil actually laughed before he replied, "Don't say ass. And yeah, I think I can do that."
"Good, because I need to get this beast over my head and last time Leah helped me." Claire admitted without acknowledging his chastisement and Quil seemed to take that as his signal to turn around and face her in just her underwear.
He swallowed and his eyes definitely dropped to her breasts, half pushed out of the bra holding them up, and then down her stomach and legs before snapping back to her face and then the bundled-up dress she was trying to pass to him. She didn't acknowledge it as he took the dress, and she bit her lip in even more confusion.
"Just lift it up and then lower it down as I get my arms through." She explained as she turned around and then basically backed into him so that she could start feeding her arms through the mass of a dress in his hands.
She felt him freeze against her back for just a second and she wondered if he wasn't expecting her to touch him, before he slowly started working the dress over her. She got her arms and then head through, mumbling, "watch the hair…" as he carefully pulled it down. She quickly had to reach around the dress once her arms and head were through and then pull her bra back up into the optimal position before really taking control and lowering the whole thing carefully over her body.
It was a little shorter in the front against her thighs than when she'd worn it last, but she also figured she had to have grown at least an inch or two since her sophomore homecoming.
She was carefully keeping the train up and over her elbow so it wouldn't drag and that kept the dress even shorter as she expertly pulled her braid out of the sheer translucent collar and over her shoulder and then asked Quil in almost a whisper to button the back of her dress.
His hands were shaking as he complied, and the memory of his shaking hands as he reached down her wet shirt and undid a safety pin popped uninvited into her brain. She shook her head at the thought and the memory as she finally turned around and faced him again, this time fully clothed in her dress.
He still had her t-shirt dress and navy lace bra over his shoulder where she'd hung them on him, and he was shaking his hands outs like he had too much pent-up energy while he refused to look at her.
"Thanks." She said softly and when he didn't reply she reached forward with her train still hung over her arm and grabbed her clothes off him.
Instead of extending the moment and forcing both of them to deal with this confusion and attraction … and guilt, she guessed (at least on his part), she walked past him back to her car with the driver's side door still open. She could hear him moving behind her but didn't look or acknowledge him as she walked around to open the back door where she shoved her clothes in and then shut the door again.
"You about ready?" he asked, and she could tell from his uncomfortable tone that he wanted to be moving instead of alone with her.
"Almost," she sighed as she reached in and grabbed the keys to her car out of the dead ignition and then grabbed her purse off the seat.
She shut and locked the door to the car before dropping the keys in her bag as she pulled out the lipstick and then leaned forward to look in the side mirror. She quickly dragged it across her lips one more time and then rubbed them together before trying to take in her final appearance. She couldn't see much in the too small mirror but hoped it would do since she didn't have any other options.
She stood back up as she looked at him in front of her and suddenly realized for the first time that the dark dress shirt he was wearing, was almost the same one he'd worn on what turned out to be their first and last date. She knew for sure that it wasn't though because she had ripped the buttons clean off of that one. He was wearing khaki pants that looked new because they fit him better and a little tighter than ones he'd ever worn before and the same dress shoes he'd worn that night. He looked good. Really good, and that fact mixed with the memories of the night she'd given him her virginity were doing funny things to her brain that were making her blush and feel the need to bite on her lip again while looking away to avoid eye contact.
He was looking at her as he waited for her to finish but he quirked a brow up in question to what must have been an obvious reaction.
"You look nice." She replied with a shrug of her shoulders in a mix of explanation and genuineness.
He smiled in response before he moved towards her. Claire held her breath in completely uncertain expectation until he reached her and then opened the passenger door of his car for her.
"Thanks." He said with another smile as he put his hand on her waist but then used it to steer her into the car, "I like the shoes."
Claire frowned as she looked down at her blue Converses she was still wearing.
"It's a beach wedding, we're all going to be barefoot!"
"Not for the dinner." He replied as she slid into her seat and he helped her fit the train of her dress still around her arm into the car.
"Dammit!" she hissed as she suddenly realized he was right.
He told her not to curse again and then laughed at the look on her face as he shut the door.
Claire took the time as he moved around to the driver's side to take a breath before he was sliding into the car himself and starting the ignition which his non-traitor car started without any protests.
He looked over at her as she settled her dress around her, and he put the car in reverse.
He suddenly stopped and waited until she looked up at him before he said,
"…. You look amazing, Claire. Too good actually. It makes me a little nervous..."
He said it like it was a confession again, but when for once she didn't try to hide what she was feeling with the smile that his words brought out in her, he smiled too so that her stomach dropped… especially when he leaned slightly towards her while looking at her dark stained lips before he jerked himself away and shook his head.
"Thanks." She replied softly as he looked behind the car and backed out instead of looking at her.
They didn't talk at all during the quick drive to First Beach. When they got there though he ran around and opened her door for her while she gathered her dress back up in her arm.
They were ten minutes late so Claire didn't have much time to actually notice the way he held his hand out and she grabbed it automatically for help pulling herself and all of her dress out of the car or the way her hand ended up on his bicep so that he was supporting her down the rocks and across the beach as they ran towards the obvious wedding tent and group of people gathered outside of it with the sun setting in a picture perfect array of colors behind them.
It wasn't until they got closer so that the weathered rocks that crackled underfoot turn into the smooth sand, that Claire noticed the archway almost getting hit with the waves from the high tide and covered in flowers and vines artfully woven through it and the dozens of folding chairs set up in rows on the sand facing it.
"There you are!" a voice called to them from a distance as they got closer, but Claire looked up at Quil as they slowed down, and he suddenly put his hand over top of hers on his arms.
They just looked at each other as their eyes seemed to snap together in a solid unbreakable connection. He looked so calm as he looked at her and Claire couldn't seem to remember what she was supposed to be feeling towards him.
"Thanks for the help." Claire muttered in almost a whisper since she knew she was supposed to be doing something and everyone was waiting for them twenty feet away still.
"Any time." He muttered with another small smile that made her heart pump just a little faster.
The words didn't seem to snap them out of the connection even as they both slowly pulled away from each other and started moving separately toward the groups waiting for them. With one last smile at her, Quil finally looked away and ran over towards the groomsman and Claire turned and ran over to the side of the tent where all the bridesmaids and Sofia's family seemed to be waiting.
"Sorry!" she rushed as she got to them and quickly lifted a foot up to yank off her shoe with her free hand not supporting the train of her dress. "I'm late! My car wouldn't start!"
There was a squeal of excitement and she looked up just in time to see Renesmee looking Paris-runway-model level phenomenal in a gold cocktail gown, throwing herself at Claire. Claire caught her in her arms with her own squeal which surprised her since she wasn't usually a squealing kind of girl. She'd completely forgotten that Jake and Renesmee were coming for the wedding and her surprise and excitement at seeing her was enough to have them both laughing and squealing and jumping around as they hugged each other.
"It's fine!" Sofia assured her happily in response to her comment about being late as she grabbed a single yellow daisy and handed it to Claire. "We're having a hard time convincing Noah to do his job anyways so we're right on schedule."
Claire laughed as she took the flower she assumed she was supposed to hold in place of the bouquet she'd have tomorrow and looked over at Gracie bent down on the sand next to where Sofia was standing and trying to reason with her three-year-old she'd shown Claire pictures of on their Vegas trip.
"Don't worry, Claire, I already rearranged everything so that Tag will walk you back up the aisle, Leah said she'd steer Quil, so you don't have to worry about him bothering you tonight. Everyone has already volunteered to dance with you all night for the reception tomorrow too, and Bennett is your date, right?" Sofia said in a rush, barely stopping to take a breath so that Claire could nod her head in answer before continuing, "So good, Quil shouldn't have enough time to even look at you before this wedding is over. Gracie even volunteered to dance with him tomorrow, so I think we've sufficiently strategized him away from you!"
Renesmee squeezed Claire's arm that hers were wrapped around and somehow that was clear communication for Claire that Renesmee had already heard this before and was very curious for Claire to explain it to her. Claire just nodded in shock since until Sofia had mentioned it, she'd sort of forgotten that Quil wasn't her date and that besides a few emails to Leah she hadn't spoken to anyone in the wedding party since the travesty that was Las Vegas.
Before she had the chance to do more than turn with a slightly stunned and unsure face to look at Renesmee staring back at her, the movement across the beach caught their attention. Jacob, who was easy to spot since he was the tallest, made his way in front of the archway so he was centered directly underneath it and then Brady made his way to stand beside him as he clearly turned and faced the front of the aisle where he was obviously waiting for Sofia to walk down.
"It's time!" Sofia squealed excitedly as Collin lined up next to Brady in his Best Man position followed by Quil with his hands in his pockets and then Tag directly behind him. Music started playing and everyone that had been standing around suddenly seemed to be moving to get in position.
Claire caught sight of Sofia's mom definitely sneaking Noah a piece of candy before they began their walk down the sand aisle together. After they made it to the front, Brady's parent's followed arm and arm and then Claire looked up at Leah who was next in line and giving her a shrewd look. It seemed like she had been watching her without Claire even realizing it. She suddenly gave Claire a wink that made her smile and then began her steps to follow exactly ten steps behind Brady's parent's.
Renesmee gave Claire's hand a squeeze before she let go and stepped forward. She smiled hugely at Jacob in front of her but still thirty feet away as she started walking in time towards him, and his whole face suddenly lit up like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
Claire's eyes burned a little just from seeing it and she blinked again to clear the blurriness that she suddenly realized were the tears forming at the sight of such obvious love.
She quickly realized that it was her turn to walk down the aisle and the only people behind her were Gracie (the Maid of Honor) and Sofia. She hopped forward as she finally dropped her train in the sand and took a measured step forward following exactly ten steps behind Renesmee with her daisy held in both hands in front of her stomach and not held up high to her chest, just like Sophia's mother had already instructed all of them to do.
As she made her way down the aisle, she looked past Renesmee in front of her to Jacob still smiling at his wife before he took the time to look up and offer a kind, sincere smile to Claire behind her. Claire returned it, happy to see Jacob, but looked past him to Brady who just seemed to be a mess of completely anxious anticipation even for the rehearsal. Claire smiled at the thought as she watched him bounce back and forth on his feet with his hands in his pockets and anxiously looking to the side of the tent to try to catch Sofia's eye. Claire looked past him to Collin who was smiling and laughing as he looked across the aisle instead of down it, he was obviously looking at Leah in her soft pink (a surprisingly dainty color choice for her) cocktail gown and who was already lined up there and winking flirtatiously at him.
Claire smiled at the sight of them, clearly so much happier together than they ever were apart before her eyes naturally skimmed past Collin until they hit Quil next in line, and she suddenly realized he was what she'd been looking for. She was almost to the end of the aisle and she almost stopped completely when she saw the way he was looking at her. He was smiling softly and watching her walk down the aisle with that same look of awed amazement Jacob seemed to watch Renesmee with.
Claire was locked into his gaze, and she couldn't blink. It was almost like he was communicating something to her with the look alone and if she just looked long enough, she'd be able to figure out what he was saying.
She suddenly realized she was at the end of the aisle and right in front of Jacob but still staring to her side to look at Quil, so she blinked and then moved to line up in front of Renesmee, but looked up again to see Quil smiling, this time with a laugh at her for obviously getting distracted during her walk.
She smiled in return until she heard the soft sighs around her and realized Sofia was now walking arm and arm with her dad down the aisle in her white sundress. Claire's head snapped around as she looked from Sofia, the obvious love and uncontained tears on her face as she walked directly to Brady in front of her, to look back to see Brady feet in front of her looking at Sofia like she wasn't just the only woman in the world, but like she was the only thing that mattered. Like she was the only light shinning in the darkest room. Like the fact that she was marrying him was the only thing he could ask for in life and he'd still be happy until his dying day. It was a look of love, so intense and powerful and committed Claire had to admit she'd never seen one quite like it before. And because she just couldn't help herself her eyes snapped past Brady to Quil who was still watching her. This time with scrunched brows and concern instead of the smiles from seconds before. Her heart sped up again but this time with anxiety.
She suddenly thought again about that night of their first date. That night he'd asked her to marry him.
They'd talk about getting married this summer. At the end of August.
This could have … should have … been them.
Suddenly Emily's words felt like they were right there still ringing in her ears, "I told Sam I thought you two would be married before Brady and Sofia this summer."
Claire suddenly looked away from him as she looked down at the sand between her toes and tried to collect herself before she looked back up at Brady watching with all the certainty in the world as his Sofia walked down the aisle toward him and the only thing she could seem to think about was how much it hurt that Quil couldn't feel that way about her.