"All right guys, when we enter the tomb, let me do the talking to the Batman," said Joker. "He and I have established a rapport, and we've got a good back and forth banter going on."
"Do you?" asked Harley. "I mean, last time you seemed to just insult each other…"
"That's how you can tell it's a solid relationship, Harl," said Joker. "Only the best of friends insult each other. It's how people show they care."
"That's nice to know," voiced Tetch. "Since you're always insulting me, that must mean that we're the best of friends."
"Or that I hate your guts," retorted Joker. "Either one is possible, but you'll have to guess which is more likely."
"Joker, could I borrow your cigarette lighter?" asked Crane, who had taken the Batsignal from Harley and was trying to read it in the dim light. "I really want to figure out what this last hieroglyphic means."
"No, because, you see, I'm leading us down this pitch black passageway, and if I gave my lighter to you, I'd be groping blindly in the dark," said Joker, in a patronizing tone. "And that's a bad idea in general, but especially when there could be all kinds of booby traps down here – trust me, I've raided enough tombs that I'm on constant alert to them. You should have brought your own cigarette lighter for reading."
"I don't smoke," retorted Crane.
"Sounds like a you problem," retorted Joker.
"So it turns out you're a tomb raider, just some common thief who steals and destroys the wonders of ancient civilizations, and not a specialist on the Batman at all then?" asked Crane.
"Well, I've met him, so I guess that makes me more of a specialist than you," retorted Joker. "And I'm not a common thief. I'm an exceptional thief, which is why your pal here hires me to do all the stealing for his museum."
"I'm sorry we lied to you, Jonathan, but we were told it was a matter of national security," said Tetch. "We couldn't take any chances."
"So you trusted some randomer like Dent over your oldest friend?" demanded Crane. "I am a little offended, I won't lie."
"Mr. Dent was a very convincing liar," replied Tetch. "I honestly believed he was from the government, and so did Joker."
"Yeah, but I'm always suspicious of the government on principle," said Joker, shrugging. "And to be honest, it wasn't that surprising to me that Harvey turned out to be a liar. I knew he had to be when he said he worked for the government - they're all liars. But I hadn't counted on him being a Nazi, mostly because I can't imagine why anyone would want to be a Nazi. I just can't fathom what kind of twisted, disturbed mind you'd have to have to be one of those, and that's saying something coming from me."
"There's no use blaming anybody for past regrets, or doing the wrong thing," said Harley. "Because I think we all have an equal share in the blame. We just need to focus on what matters now, and that's destroying the Batsignal before the Nazis can find us and use it."
"Which would be easier to do if I could read it," retorted Crane, glaring at Joker.
"We got the gist of it back there," said Joker, shrugging again. "We gotta use it to destroy it. When we get to the tomb, we just gotta find out where it fits and slide it in, which will hopefully activate it somehow."
"But then we release the Batman," said Tetch. "Won't he try to kill us?"
"No, it said he'd use his force for us," said Joker. "Which means we can control him into attacking the Nazis, which is really gonna piss him off since he said earlier that he was a fan of their crazy ideas about order."
"And are you sure antagonizing him is a good idea?" demanded Crane. "This is a blood-drinking god, after all. Maybe angering him isn't the wisest course of action."
"No, but it is the most fun course of action," replied Joker. "Anyway, what's he gonna do? The Batsignal said he'd work for us if we released him."
"Yes, but what if the control wears off after a time?" asked Tetch. "Won't he want vengeance against us?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," said Joker. "But I don't see that we have any other choice. If we don't destroy the Batsignal, the Nazis could still use it to release him. We have to stop them from doing that at any cost, even if it means we're stuck with some crazed Batman haunting us for the rest of our lives."
"However short he'll make those after he's released," muttered Tetch under his breath.
They reached the door of the Batman's tomb, and Joker pushed it open again. "Hey Batsy, guess who's back?" he called.
"You escaped only to return to your doom?" demanded the Batman's low, rumbling voice from the shadows. "You must be mad."
"I have been called criminally insane before," agreed Joker, nodding.
"Oh my God, he's real!" gasped Crane, staring at the huge, shadowy figure. "It's almost impossible to believe, but I can't doubt the evidence of my own eyes! And I suppose I have to stop saying 'oh my God' now that his existence proves the existence of a polytheistic religious system. This revolutionizes the very foundations of the world's religions, to have proof that at least one of the gods of Egypt still lives…"
"Are you nuts?" demanded Joker, rounding on him. "You can't tell people the truth about this! I know you academic types love to disrupt peoples' deeply held and cherished beliefs, but you can't just go around destroying those with facts! You know what that would lead to? Perfect order, like the Nazis want! Everyone on one page, singing from one hymn sheet, reading from one script! No, thank you! I want the diversity of thought that comes with the plethora of world religions, and their frequent descent into war and chaos against each other to establish which is the one true faith. If we just gave away the answer, all that lovely bloodshed would be over, and where would be the fun in that?"
"Soon the whole world will know the truth of me when I am released from my tomb to wage war against the surface lands," growled Batman. "I will crush all in my wake, and raze civilization to the ground, and then rebuild it in the image of perfect order. It is inevitable."
"No it ain't, pal," retorted Joker. "Because look what we got," he said, shining the cigarette lighter onto the Batsignal, which glinted in the light.
"The Batsignal!" gasped Batman, his huge wings flapping in excitement.
"That's right. We're going to use it, which will destroy it, and force you to do what we say forever," said Joker with a smile.
"What makes you think you will be able to control me?" growled Batman.
"That's what your little Batsignal says," said Joker. "I guess you didn't read the fine print and agree to the terms and conditions when it was forged, huh?"
"No, I was already chained up when it was made," said Batman. "Centuries ago now, when I was confined in my tomb, I was left a glimmer of hope in the form of the Batsignal. I saw it only briefly from afar before I was sealed in here, and I have dreamed of nothing else but the day it will be lit. And now it is finally here."
"Looks like it," agreed Joker. "Seems kinda odd that your fellow gods would give you a glimmer of hope like that though. I mean, surely they didn't want you to ever be released?"
"Their leader was a cruel god," muttered Batman. "Who knew that sometimes the agony of hope is worse than the peace of resignation. You remind me of him, clown," he said, his red eyes glaring at Joker. "He too had a wicked sense of humor. Perhaps he thought it would be funny to torture me with hope, and to play a joke on humanity by giving them the chance to release me again."
"Sounds like my kinda god," said Joker, nodding. "And frankly, it's kinda a joke on you to free you only to make you slave away for a guy you hate. Now let's find out where this thing goes," he said, moving the lighter around the tomb. "Though we did search this room top to bottom for a way out and I don't recall seeing…"
"There!" exclaimed Harley, pointing to the ceiling. Joker looked up to see a dark shape above them, the shape of a bracket that looked like it could hold a disc.
"Ok, hold this up as high as you can, Harley," said Joker, handing her the cigarette lighter. "And you two will need to give me a boost," he added, nodding at Crane and Tetch. Crane sighed, handing the Batsignal to Joker as he and Tetch crouched down. Joker stepped into their hands and they struggled to lift him up to the metal bracket.
"Little higher!" called down Joker.
"Easy for you to say!" gasped Tetch, as his arms shook with the weight.
"If you drop me, I'll break your face," snapped Joker.
"If we drop you, hopefully your face will break," muttered Crane, struggling to lift him higher.
Harley lifted the cigarette lighter as high as she could, watching in concern and nervousness as Joker came closer to placing the Batsignal in the bracket. Her eyes strayed from him to the shadow of the Batman, who she could practically feel seething in anticipation of his release. Then her eyes strayed over to the Batsignal, reading the hieroglyphs again in the dim light.
"The Batman can only be unchained once, and will unleash his force for…" she began, but then paused, her eyes widening.
"Dr. J, stop!" she shrieked, just before he placed the Batsignal into the bracket.
Joker froze and turned to her, but before he could do anything else, there was a loud rumbling, and the tomb shook violently. Crane and Tetch both lost their footing, and Joker crashed to the ground, the Batsignal landing unscathed next to him. He looked up to see that a hole had been blown in the tomb, and a blaze of light as the Nazis marched in, torches in hand, led by a furious Harvey Dent.