CHAPTER 19
Claire:
"Ugh, my entire body is sore!" Claire whined as she flopped on her back directly on the bed so that her arm smacked Bennett in the side where he was already spread out across his pillows.
"Really, Claire? You're going to complain about your body being sore?" Bennett chided without ever looking up from his bedroom ceiling he was staring at.
"Oh, shut up. You're completely healed and have been for a few days now." Claire replied unconcerned as she used her hand to start smacking around on his nightstand looking for the remote without ever turning her head to watch what she was doing.
"Not completely." Bennett grumbled, sounding uncharacteristically discouraged about his injuries.
"The scars?" Claire asked knowingly.
Bennett just grumbled in response and Claire sighed.
She knew that physically he was fine now. It'd been almost two weeks since his surgery and he'd had adequate time for his spine to heal but the cosmetic impact seemed to be taking a bigger impact on Bennett's psyche than Claire ever would have anticipated….. probably because Macy had proven to be more shallow when it came to the things she valued most. Appearances were important to her, and everyone knew it.
The scars weren't even that bad. They were just much worse than anyone had ever anticipated.
The problem was because his injury was so complicated the surgery became time consuming, Carlisle was still probably twice as fast as any human could have ever been, but still it wasn't quite fast enough. Bennett's wolf healing abilities were too fast. His body tried to continue to heal while he was still cut open.
His skin trying to heal around the clamps holding the incisions opened for hours on end had left Bennett with much more scar tissue than he should have ever had.
Now instead of the perfectly tan, smooth skin spanning the practically rippling muscles of Bennett's back, there were three angry burgundy scars marring him. Each scar should have only been an inch or two long and healed into a minuscule seam, but because of the super speeded healing competing with the surgery Carlisle had to keep cutting farther and farther into him just to keep the incisions open long enough for him to work (a side-effect of Carlisle never having operated on a wolf before).
The scars were smack in the middle of his back. The biggest one was centered almost directly over his spine right in the middle, it was eight inches long and two inches wide and stood about an inch off of the skin. The scar tissue rippled dark and angry with a texture almost like a burn scar. Four inches to the right and a few inches up there was a four-inch scar running parallel to the first and another on the left below the first that was six inches long. They were smaller than the first but just as angry and dark, standing like sentinels off to the side of his spine from where Carlisle had gone in from the sides to remove the loose pieces of Bennett's vertebrae.
Claire sighed in response to Bennett, discouraged that two weeks later he still didn't seem over the funk his surgery had left him in.
He usually bounced back so much quicker. Claire secretly wondered if the scars really did bother him that much… they were a little extreme, but they were slowly getting better and you wouldn't notice them at all if he had a shirt on, though when he was a wolf you could see the lines of his scars across his back where he no longer grew fur. They made him look tough and intense and Bennett had never cared about superficial things.
She suspected that he was compartmentalizing and focusing on the scars as a way to blame something for his problems with Macy instead of dealing with the thing that really scared him.
He couldn't phase indefinitely. He now had a wolf expiration date.
Because of the nature of his injury, Carlisle had given him the best prognosis he could to allow him to continue as a wolf.
And he could. He would. But only for about five more years.
Carlisle had basically super glued the pieces of Bennett's broken vertebrae back together to enable his spine to meld and fold when he shifted. The problem with it was that eventually the glue would wear down and might fail causing the pieces to break apart again especially with the strain phasing would put on it.
What Carlisle probably should have done was replace the entire vertebrae with an artificial replacement made of titanium.
It'd be virtually indestructible, and he'd never have to go in and operate on it again like he might have to if Bennett's glued together spine broke apart (which they now knew operating on him again would be especially tricky because of all the scare tissue and the speed at which a surgery would have to be performed).
If he'd done that though, Bennett never would have been able to phase again.
The replacement vertebrae would never be able to meld and bend and if Bennett ever phased, even accidentally, the titanium piece would put too much pressure on his nerves and would probably severe his spinal cord.
Carlisle hadn't been sure what all the options were until he'd gotten a look inside. It was a judgement call he had to make in the moment.
He opted to give Bennett the chance to be a wolf for a few more years.
Claire felt that it was a minor miracle that he could continue to phase at all, but she could tell from the way Bennett never spoke about it and but very uncharacteristically constantly complained about his scars, that it bothered him.
The best she could guess, it was just another way that he felt his life was out of his control. He'd had a whole future mapped out before he became a wolf and that was all wiped away the second he phased. He'd made plans and had a direction when he imprinted on Macy but none of that was going according to plan. And now after he'd learned to accept and embrace his future as a wolf that was taken from him too.
Claire smacked Bennett's side again from where they were lying with her legs on top of his since they couldn't both fit sprawled out on his queen size bed.
"Come on, sit up. I'll put the cream on them again." Claire caved.
She didn't want to encourage his fixation on his scars, but she felt bad enough for him and guilty enough about her obvious part in his injury that she still catered to him probably more than she should.
Bennett smiled at her before he suddenly shoved her legs off him so that she almost fell off the bed, barely managing to lean to the side and catch herself as she sat back up ignoring the protesting of her muscles screaming through her entire body. Bennett was already sitting up, whipping off his t-shirt before he handed the plastic jar of slave to Claire from off the nightstand she'd been digging around on.
Claire took the jar with the special concoction Carlisle himself had made from a mixture of herbs, oils, and prescription medication, and took a giant scoop out with her fist.
"Ugh!" Claire almost gagged.
"It's not that bad." Bennett mumbled reasonably.
It was. It smelled like if a pine tree had a baby with cayenne pepper and that baby then had diarrhea and was the consistency of sap mixed with honey.
Bennett was supposed to apply it generously at least six times a day to try to help the scars heal and minimize but he couldn't apply it himself.
"I don't know how you can stand to have it on your body." Claire murmured as she rubbed it across his back in a very practiced way since she'd already done it dozens of times. She hated everything about it, but the way it felt on her fingers was especially aggravating. It seemed to want to bond with her fingers on a molecular level and didn't care at all to stick to Bennett's skin so that she had to wipe and wipe and wipe to get even half of it off of her and on to him.
"Doesn't it seem to put your problems into perspective though? Aren't you feeling bad for complaining now?" Bennett hummed in that serious way that confused most people who didn't understand his dry sense of humor.
Claire snorted as she made a face behind his back at the sap on her fingers that she continued to try to remove against his skin. She was digging fingers against his spine as she wiped down hard enough that she knew if he really weren't completely healed would have probably been seriously painful, but he didn't even seem to notice.
"Hardly, they had us conditioning twice a day and then practicing routines in between! I swear some of those girls were surviving on only Adderall!" Claire assured him even as her bicep screamed when she tried to shake the stupid salve off her fingers and onto a tissue. The worst part was that it didn't seem to stick to anything besides her.
"It sounds like it all paid off really well for you though." Bennett mused as he flopped onto his stomach across the bed and grabbed the remote from beside Claire so that the cream could 'absorb' into his skin before he put his shirt back on.
"Yeah." Claire agreed reasonably as she found the rag now designated for the rubber cement that the salve formed into the second she touched it. "If the cheer coach at U Dubb sticks to her verbal agreement and I get to cheer there next year it'll definitely be worth it."
Claire was trying not to count on it though because she didn't want to be disappointed if it fell through. It wasn't like the University of Washington had the greatest cheer program, but it was something and it was close to home, and the head coach had even mentioned a potential scholarship.
"She will. You will." Bennett assured her confidently like it was already a done deal. "Have you told Quil you've officially decided to go there next year?"
"No!" Claire snorted.
Since Bennett had gotten out of surgery, he'd suddenly been much more Team-Quil.
Claire had thought it was just the anesthesia at first, but when that had worn off and he'd still had a complete about-face when it came to his opinions of Quil, well Claire didn't know what to think.
"I haven't even told him I'm going to graduate a year early."
Bennett just nodded his head like he wasn't surprised. "Have you even talked to him yet?"
Claire bit her lip as she looked away not wanting to look at him, "Uh…. I just haven't had the chance to yet."
"Why don't you call him now?" he asked lazily as he started channel surfing across prerecorded college football games.
It was the middle of the afternoon, and they clearly weren't doing anything since Claire had only gotten back from camp a few hours before and was relaxing at Bennett's house since her mom had decided to be home today. "I know he left you a bunch of voicemails you've been ignoring."
Claire turned and gave him a dark look beside her that he ignored easily since she was now leaning against the wall above his bed and his head was closer to her feet, so he didn't even have to look away to ignore her.
"How do you even know that?" Claire huffed.
"He told me." He said unconcerned with a shrug like it was to be expected. "You've avoided him for so long he now comes straight to me for updates about how you're doing."
Claire was grateful that Bennett couldn't see her face when she gave him a completely disgusted looked.
"Please don't discuss me with Quil anymore." She huffed in agitation.
"Then don't avoid him." Bennett replied like it was that simple.
"Whatever." Claire huffed because she was so flustered. She hated 'whatever' as a reply. "I'll see him tomorrow at the end-of-summer bonfire."
At that reply Bennett turned to look over his shoulder at her with one eyebrow cocked up.
"What?" Claire huffed.
"Why are you avoiding the one single conversation you've been dying to have with him for months, the second he's ready to talk about it?" Bennett accused while watching her from over his shoulder.
"I'm not!" Claire insisted as she squirmed under his gaze against the wall behind her. "I already told him all the reasons he hurt me and why I'm upset with him!"
"That's not the conversation we're talking about." Bennett huffed before he turned back to the game in front of him, "Honestly you're starting to act like Macy. Just tell him what you want instead of punishing him for screwing up."
He wasn't even looking at her when he'd said it and Claire's jaw dropped before her eye's narrowed at the back of his head. He didn't even turn back around as he watched the next play unfold on the screen.
Claire responded by leaning her body down across the bed until she was lying back against her elbows and then kicking him in the back of the head as hard as she could.
"OWW!" Bennett complained, snapping a hand to rub at the back of his scalp as Claire sat back up against the wall, "What the hell was that for!?"
"For being such an ass!" Claire snapped back at him.
He retaliated by using his ridiculously long arms to yank the pillow out from under her without having to move and then smacking her with it hard across the chest.
Claire yanked the pillow away from his hand and then chucked it at his face. He smacked it away before it could hit him, and Claire stuck her tongue out at him.
"Cute." He suddenly laughed at her, already bouncing back to cheerful from his short spurt of grumpiness, "Real mature looks good on you, Claire."
"Yeah well… I hate watching football." Claire murmured since she didn't have a good response and it was another thing she could pretended to be mad at him about.
"What?" Bennett asked in disbelieve, "You told me last year you loved watching my games!"
Claire suddenly laughed before she replied, "Yeah because I was your girlfriend! I had to love them then!"
"Ugh, you're worse than having a sister." Bennett complained as he turned back to the tv and start flipping through the channels looking for something else to watch now.
Claire just rolled her eyes since he had no idea what having a sister was like, "It was more fun watching when you were playing." She assured him but his only response was to pat her knee behind him unconcerned without looking back from the episode of Seinfeld he'd settled onto. Claire thought she got it though, he still loved football, even just watching it and he'd never be able to play again so he didn't want to talk about it.
"Why are you avoiding talking about the talk your avoiding?" He asked in bored voice toward the tv.
"I'm not!" she defended again but she was squirming as if he'd shined a bright single bulb spotlight directly on her face and yelled, 'liar!'
"Bullshit!" Bennett sung in a happy little voice while still watching the tv in front of him.
Claire squirmed even more as she ran a hand through her hair messing up her ponytail and brought her sweat pant covered knees up to her chest so that she was in a tight ball now.
"… I ….. I… maybe I'm just not ready to talk about it." She finally conceded, "Did you ever consider that?"
"No." Bennett answered unconcerned, "Because that's not the problem."
"Oh yeah? Then what is?" Claire asked skeptically, even as her eyes never strayed from him.
She figured he was usually right and whatever he said next would probably be the answer she herself had been looking for.
"You're afraid." He said simply like it was obvious, "If you have the conversation he's going to ask you what it is you want from him and if you make yourself vulnerable enough to actually admit what it is you want, you're afraid he'll break your heart again. It's just a classic fear of rejection."
Claire just sat there in stunned silence.
Was that what it was? A fear of rejection? Was that the reason every time she thought about calling him back her heartrate seemed to skyrocket, and she had to focus her breathing to keep it from accelerating?
She started to shake her head in response. That didn't make sense though…. He couldn't reject her… she'd already decided based off her last conversation with him alone that she didn't want to get back into a relationship with him right now… so then why would she be afraid of that conversation?
It's not like she hadn't had hard or uncomfortable conversations with him before… she'd never frozen up about them until now.
"That doesn't make sense…" she muttered mostly to herself as she rubbed her fingers across her forehead wishing Bennett's explanation had been the thing to help her breakthrough whatever this roadblock was that she couldn't seem to move past.
She'd hoped that by the time cheer camp was over she'd finally feel up to seeing Quil again, just thinking about it though and her palms were starting to sweat wrapped around her sweatpants and leaving dark gray marks.
Bennett sighed heavily before he used the remote and suddenly flipped the tv off. He brought his arms forward and pressed his palms down against his bed until he was in a pushup position before he forced himself up with a dramatic groan and then pulled his legs around so that he could turn just enough to face Claire from where he was sitting on the foot of the bed.
"I'm going to ask you a series of random questions, alright?" he said with all the seriousness of a guru about to unveil the mysterious of the universe to her, "Don't think, just answer with the first thing that comes to mind when I ask the question, alright?"
"….. okay." Claire answered a little skeptically, not sure he really knew where he was going with this but trusting him to find it somewhere along the way.
"Who's your best friend?"
"You are." She answered with a shrug and a smile.
He smiled back at her before he kept going just as seriously, "Who was your first best friend?"
"Quil."
The answer popped out of her without even trying. It was like she was saying it before she'd even thought it.
His name had slipped out of her mouth as she seemed to relive a hundred memories of being two and then three years old and giggling. The thing she'd never even noticed before was that in every single memory Quil was laughing too.
Bennett didn't pause or acknowledge her answer he just kept going with almost a rapid-fire speed so that Claire didn't have time to think about her answers or dwell on the ones she'd already given.
"Who was your first crush?"
"Quil." She said quickly with a nod because it wasn't a secret anymore and she'd always known that.
"Who was your first boyfriend?"
"You." Another nod because that seemed obvious.
"Who was your first kiss?"
"Quil."
Claire barely had a flash of a version of herself that felt so much younger marching across his kitchen with kissing him as her only goal. Bennett spoke again before she'd even reached Quil in her mind.
"First love?"
"Uh…" Claire hesitated, trying to sort it out in her mind, "You."
"First heartbreak?"
"Also you."
"Deepest heartbreak?"
"Quil."
Claire almost gasped when she said it. She'd never even thought about it before. Of course she remembered how much it hurt and how she felt like the world was ending when her heart had broken over Bennett, but now looking back, it really wasn't a comparison who it had hurt the most to lose.
"Deepest love?"
"Quil."
"Best relationship?"
"Quil."
"Worst relationship?"
"Uh….. didn't have one…" Claire replied as she tilted her head in confusion.
"Pft." Bennett spit at her with his lips like he was annoyed she'd blown off the question and then seemed to rephrase as he continued, "Most painful relationship?"
Claire closed her eyes and scrunched her forehead to try to help her focus.
"Quil."
Bennett seemed to change direction now as he continued even faster so that Claire squeezed her eyes tighter and scrunched her pants around her sweaty palms trying to keep up,
"Worst part of that relationship?"
Claire scrunched her forehead together even tighter, as she barely had time to consider it before replying, "Feeling like he lied."
"What'd he lie about?"
"About wanting me. About us having a future."
That part came quickly and easily.
"Why was that a lie? Couldn't he have just changed his mind?"
Claire shook her head with her eyes still screwed shut and her forehead scrunched, "No, he said he never would."
"Are you afraid he'll lie to you again?"
"Yes." She answered certainly and then felt her eyebrows pop up her forehead in surprise. She hadn't realized that.
"Do you not trust that he could want you again?"
"No, it's not that." Claire replied easily with her eyes still closed. She was amazed by how soothing Bennett's voice was and how easily the truth was coming out of her, "I know he still wants me. He never stopped wanting me."
"Do you still love him?"
"Yes."
That wasn't even hard. She'd never stopped caring about him. She didn't think she ever would.
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes."
"Are you in love with me?"
If Claire wasn't so enthralled by the entire process, she'd quirk a brow at that question, but she didn't even notice it.
"No. I don't think I could ever love you like that again."
"Why not?"
"I see you differently now. My love for you changed. It adapted along with our relationship."
"Are you still in love with Quil?"
"Yes."
It was the first answer she'd given that made her bite her lip and her eyes start to sting even though they were still shut but she refused to focus on her reaction. If she noticed it at all it'd break the spell she seemed to be under and then she'd still be just as confused as she was before they'd started.
"Has your love for him changed?"
"No. I'm still crazy about him."
She hated herself for it, but it was true. She couldn't go more than a couple minutes a day without thinking about him even if she pretended otherwise.
"Do you wish you were still together?"
"Yes, all the time."
"Do you want to be in a relationship with him again?"
"No- Yes…" Claire answered in a confusion of honesty spewing out of her. Both answers were true.
Bennett paused for the first time, but Claire didn't open her eyes to look at him and before even a few seconds had passed he continued on again.
"Do you miss Quil as your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Do you want him to be your boyfriend again?"
"N-no." Claire answered slightly confused but the way her head shook of its own accord when she said it made it feel like the truth.
"Why not?"
"That's not what I want from him. He doesn't treat me equally enough."
The answers made sense and Claire was grateful that they radiated with honesty as they come out of her. For once she wasn't leaning on the logic alone, she honestly felt that way too.
Bennett paused again but this time only for a single moment,
"Do you want him to be your fiancé again?"
Claire felt her brows scrunched together again at that question,
"How would that be different then a boyfriend when he treats me like a child?"
"You didn't answer the question." Bennett shot back quickly somehow throwing her off balance.
"Ask the question again." she replied feeling like she couldn't reach that level of honesty unless she answered directly on the tail of the question.
She expected him to repeat it and was prepaid for that which was probably the reason her answer sprung out so effortlessly without her intending it to when he caught her off guard by asking,
"Do you wish Quil was your husband?"
"Yes."
The word came out of her like an echo because she'd said it before with the exact same certainty and conviction.
It was the way she'd said it when Quil had asked her to marry him.
"If he asked you to marry him again would that prove that he views you as an equal?"
"… that…. Doesn't make any sense."
"You didn't answer the question again."
"Pass."
"Pft." Bennett scoffed again before he continued, "Do you think you aren't enough for Quil?"
"No, I'm not enough for Quil." She basically repeated him back as an answer though it seemed obvious.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because he threw me away. He won't take me back. His love for me isn't enough for him to get past his hang ups about our relationship."
Bennett continued, asking the next question before she'd barely finished answering his last,
"If he asked you to marry him again would it prove that he loves you more than his hang ups?"
"Yes."
"If he asked you to marry him would it prove that you were enough for him?"
"Yes."
Claire's entire body was shaking, and she could feel how cold her palms were against the wet spots of her sweats, but she kept going as he continued,
"Do you want him to ask you to marry him again?"
"Yes."
"Is that what you want out of a relationship with him?"
"Yes."
"Can't you tell him that?"
"No." Claire answered, and her brow scrunched again as she heard it.
"Why not?" Bennett insisted, never slowing down with his inquisition.
"Because he won't want that too." She insisted feeling again like it should be obvious to him.
"What will he want?"
"Best case scenario; me to be his girlfriend without benefits."
"Is that why you've been avoiding his phone calls?"
"Yes."
The answers were slipping so easily out of her she wondered why she'd couldn't find them before this moment.
"If he asked you exactly what you wanted could you tell him?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it'd hurt too much when he tells me he doesn't want to marry me too."
That answer just popped out of her.
Claire gasped as her eyes shot opened and her hands jumped to cover her open mouth.
She looked across at Bennett who had clearly been staring at her the entire time.
They just stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment before Bennett's voice shifted from that soothing tone, he'd used to hypnotize her with a bombardment of questions, to shocked as he asked, "Did you even know you still wanted to marry him?"
Claire never broke eye contact with him as she shook her head slowly back and forth with her hands still covering her mouth.
Her eyes started to sting with tears as the realization settled over her.
"Oh shit..." she whispered in horror at the realization that she still wanted to marry him.
She had to look down at her knees as the tears started running down her cheeks.
She suddenly gasped loudly as she realized something and immediately looked right back at Bennett, "Crap! Bennett, please don't tell him!" she was mortified at the thought of this conversation ever getting back to anyone but especially Quil.
Bennett gave her a dark look as he dropped a hand to her knee and squeezed it, "I'm not gonna tell, Claire."
She just nodded with gratitude as she looked away again, biting harder on her lip as the tears coming from her eyes just increased. She pressed her head against her knees sandwiching his hand there and wrapping her arms over her head as gasps and shakes started rocking her body.
"…. I'm so pathetic." She whispered directly to her knees.
Bennett pulled his hand out from under her head as he scooted up to the top of the bed so that he was sitting hip to hip with her before he wrapped his arm around her, encasing her in all of his heat from his shirtless skin and engulfing her in the awful scent of the salve on his back.
"No, you're not." He whispered back as he pulled her so that her head would hit his chest, but she was so wrapped up that her entire body flopped, and her knees hit him just as much as her head did.
He just left her there as he reached down and grabbed the remote, turning the tv on again. He just stayed that way, rubbing Claire's back against him as she cried, and he watched nineties sitcoms on TBS.
They finally moved hours later but that was only to go for a Ben and Jerry's run. They picked up exactly where they'd left off when they returned and when Claire woke up the next morning in Bennett's bed her hands still smelled like the stupid cream she'd applied to his skin three more times, his arm was pressed directly across her face and the tv was still on. Claire's half eaten pint of ice cream was sitting in a melted heap on his one nightstand inside of Bennett's empty one with both their spoons inside it.
Claire groaned loudly as she shoved Bennett's arm off her face and then started shoving him in the gut. She rubbed her face roughly with her hand wondering if she'd meant to spend the night again. She told herself she hadn't but then she questioned why she bought all the fruit and shoved it in his fridge last night for the fruit salad that she was supposed to bring to the bonfire today. Why would she have stuff here for today if she was supposed to spend the night at her own house? She hadn't even seen Rachel or Jamie in a week since she'd left for camp…. Was she that determined to avoid her mother or had her relationship with Bennett just reach a whole new level of codependence?
"Get up!" Claire groaned at him.
He just growled in response. Bennett was even less of a morning person than she was.
"Come on, we need to get up and get out of here. I have to go to my house to make sure I arrive with Rachel and Jamie and stagger with your arrival time. You have to get there at least twenty minutes before I do, remember?"
Bennett just groaned again as he rolled over onto his stomach so that his scars were standing out in sharp contrast to his skin and on full display making the familiar pang of guilt hit Claire whenever she saw them…. She wished so badly she could go back in time and undo everything about that night. She would take Quil's hand…. or maybe she wouldn't….. maybe she'd have just shoved him as far away as possible and told him to get lost, but she never would have called out to Bennett….
She started gnawing at her lip as she looked at the marks before Bennett distracted her by grumbling,
"Why are you being so neurotic? No one cares when we arrive!"
"That's not true! Macy is coming, remember? Do you want her to get suspicious!? You know how she'll react if she even suspects that I spent the night here!" Claire pointed out as she sat up in the bed still in her clothes from the day before. "Come on, come help me make the fruit salad."
Bennett groaned again, "It won't make a difference, Claire. The first thing she's going to ask me is when the last time I saw you was."
Claire basically deflated so that she felt about six inches smaller where she was sitting up on the bed. "Dammit! I didn't think about that! I never should have slept over then!"
Bennett finally rolled back over onto his side so that he could look at Claire from where his head still rested on his bicep. He gave her a regretful smile before he reached out and squeezed her leg with his hand on her thigh.
"It's fine, Mere. You're welcome to stay over whenever you need. You know that."
"I've already caused enough problems in your life! I don't need to be making your girlfriend think I'm sleeping with you too!" Claire pointed out in near anguish. She didn't understand how no matter how hard she tried to make everything right everything seemed to be constantly falling apart.
"First off, you are sleeping with me…." Bennett pointed out with a cocky grin and an eyebrow raised suggestively. Claire scoffed as she grabbed the pillow she'd slept on and immediately smacked him with it. He laughed and grabbed it from her before he continued undeterred, "And secondly, she's not my girlfriend anymore and this is why… I can't make a relationship work with her when her entire focus is on everything about you. Trust me, I've tried, and it just doesn't work…"
"But she seemed like she was doing so much better during your surgery!" Claire pointed out desperately.
"Oh, you mean when I was basically on my death bed, and you showed up and begged her to come running because she was the only thing I wanted? Yeah, that was a real ego boost for her." Bennett said with an odd mixture of bitterness and acceptance.
Claire groaned in frustration, "She seemed a lot better during camp… I mean we shared a dorm room for five days straight and she never tried to bitch-slap me again….."
Bennett rolled back over onto his back and groan loudly in frustration as he brought his hands up to cover his face and mumbled directly into his palms, "I don't want to talk about Macy!"
"But I want to help fix things between you two! She responded so well every time I've talked to her about you since your surgery!" Claire insisted, "Maybe I can just help her understand, or maybe I should just back off for a while! Like do we really need to see each other every day? Maybe if I gave you some space for a while she'd come around to things!"
"Stop it, Claire!" Bennett growled in clear frustration this time speaking directly to the ceiling instead of looking at her.
"I can't stop! I want to fix this and it's clear I'm the problem! If staying away for a while makes her happy and then in turn that makes you happy then okay….. I can do that…" Claire had started out so confident, so she hated how nervous and uncertain her voice sounded by the end.
Bennett finally looked at her with skepticism written clear across his face. "Really? And who are you going to talk to?"
Claire bit her lip as she looked at him, so clearly confident in his assessment, "… Rachel." She finally answered, but it sounded more like a question.
"Rachel?" he repeated back to her.
"Yeah, Rachel is great…." Claire replied as she looked away and then grabbed the bottom of her bra through her t-shirt and started adjusting it from where it seemed to have twisted around her boobs in her sleep.
"mmmhmmm." Bennett agreed casually, "And when Rachel is overwhelmed with pregnancy hormones and preparing for a baby and Trav being at Basic…..? What then?"
"I don't know! Leah maybe! Quil if I'm desperate! Hell, I'll make new friends!" Claire said desperately as she suddenly started shoving at his arm beside her, "I don't NEED you, I'd figure something out!"
Bennett suddenly started laughing as he pushed her away with one simple shove that sent her flying on her back and almost falling off the bed.
"Okay!"
he sounded like the idea of her surviving without him was hilarious.
Claire ignored him as she sat back up and then grabbed the stupid cream off his nightstand knowing that if she wanted him to help her prep the fruit salad than she'd have to apply it for him first….. see, what they had wasn't codependence. It was symbiosis. At least it's what she told herself as she grabbed a craft stick the size of a large popsicle stick that she'd bought in a pack yesterday when they got ice cream and dug into the jar.
Bennett just looked at her in confusion since she'd seemed to just change directions on a dime and then sat up to give her a clear shot at his bare back. the process was a lot simpler and easier as she spread the sap across him like peanut butter and avoided touching it. They were silent as she wiped it across him and then wrapped the stick in a tissue and chucked it at the garbage in the corner. She rolled off his bed and passed her duffle bag still packed from camp to grab her gym bag and started sorting through the contents, dumping things in her duffle and transferring stuff for her to take to the beach. She dropped the jar of 'cream' along with a handful of sticks into the front pocket since she knew he'd need to apply it again throughout the day.
"Here." Claire more huffed than spoke as she pulled the paper shopping bag that almost looked like a gift bag out and shoved it in his direction without really looking at him, "I bought this for you in Seattle this week."
"A present?" Bennett asked excitedly as he reached for it, "I've never had someone seem so pissed off at me and simultaneously giving me gifts before!"
He was teasing her, but Claire resisted the urge to give him her middle finger, "First of all, it's not a present. It's just something I bought because I knew you needed it…. Second, I'm not pissed off. I'm just indignant."
Bennett laughed at her, completely undeterred from being cheerful just like usual. He opened the bag and pulled out the pair of orange swim trunks and then the black rash guard she'd bought for him in a boutique by the pier before she'd driven home the day before. He looked up at her with surprised confusion and she quickly explained,
"It has SPF in the material." she nodded to the rash guard. "For your scars, Carlisle said to avoid the sun… and you said last week that you just had the swim trunks you bought last summer, and I knew they'd never fit you anymore so … I don't know…. I just thought…"
"-It's great, Claire. Super thoughtful." He cut across her rambling to say easily as he stood up from the bed and moved to where she was crouched by her stuff on the floor, he grabbed her arm and pulled her up so that he could hug her, "Thank you. I love it."
Claire just nodded as she shrugged it off, "I almost bought Jamie a matching set but then I thought everyone would be super confused by why you and Jamie were twinning today.
Bennett just laughed before he grabbed her hand and started pulling her toward the door and then down the stairs, "You should have! We'd have looked awesome together."
Claire laughed and shrugged since she didn't want to admit that the idea of everyone questioning her about it had bothered her enough to keep from buying a set for Jamie.
Bennett was already pulling produce out of the refrigerator and handing it to her to wash.
They didn't really talk as they worked cohesively while listening to Bennett's mom and grandma talking to each other about the soap opera they were watching in the living room.
It was nice. Surprisingly peaceful.
It's why Claire always ended up coming back even when she promised herself she'd stay away for Macy's sake.
She always felt welcome, even when she just rolled out of bed and wandered down the stairs. There were always people there, but no one ever questioned why she was there. They just acted like it was almost expected for her to be.
"I don't want you to." Bennett suddenly said randomly as he found the Tupperware lid for the giant container of fruit salad they'd just made, and Claire was just cutting into a watermelon with a huge knife.
"Don't want me to what?" she asked in confusion. They'd been silently working for the last twenty minutes.
"I don't want you to back off to make Macy comfortable…." He said as he looked at the lid in his hands and then snapped it onto the container, he suddenly turned to look at her and she stopped with her knife halfway through the watermelon before she looked up at him across the peninsula from her as he continued on in an uncharacteristically serious tone, "I know our relationship is weird or whatever…. Like I definitely see that…. But I don't hang out with you because I know you need me… I hang out with you because I don't have anyone else either…. You're my best friend, Claire… I just need you to know that."
Claire looked at him in shock as she tried to process what he was saying and shook her head in blatant confusion as she tried to think through it.
If all it took to fix all the problems between her and Quil was to give Bennett up, would she do it?
She hated to admit it, but she figured she probably would…. So, shouldn't Bennett feel the same way about her and Macy?
"But…." Claire started as she looked back at the watermelon in front of her that had a huge knife sticking grotesquely out of the center of it, "…. If you could have Macy back….. wouldn't you do anything to get that?"
Bennett pinched his lips to the side as he thought about it for a second and then said like he was still weighing it out in his mind, "… Probably… but only if I could have her back the way I wanted her….. Even if I never spoke to you again and I married Macy tomorrow, she still wouldn't trust me…. She'd never value my wants or needs…."
"That feeling I definitely understand." Claire sighed out sadly suddenly realizing that they were in much similar situations then she'd ever realized.
Bennett smiled as he came around the counter and then hip checked her to scoot her out of the way but ended up sending her into the cabinet against the wall by accident, "That's why you need to stick with me, kid." He said easily as if that summed everything up perfectly and then he took over for her, slicing the watermelon up as if he were a wizard-level melon expert.
They left his house together for La Push twenty minutes later with Bennett in the swim set she'd bought him and Claire wearing the bikini Leah had bought her for Vegas under the same Ramone's t-shirt that Claire usually ended up borrowing from Bennett since it didn't fit him anyways.
Her bag was packed with her sunblock from camp and the beach towels from his mom's linen closet and after their conversations that morning Claire didn't question it. Not even when she had to leave her car at his house so they could take his.
Rachel had already texted her that she'd already left to drive Jamie down and spend the day with them. Claire realized they'd probably be the last to arrive since they'd slept in so late and taken so long to get out the door. Her stomach tightened with nerves she tried to ignore as she held onto the container of fruit in her lap that Bennett had offered to put in the backseat and she'd refused, wanting something to hold onto as she thought about seeing Quil again for the first time and Bennett blasted his original Hall and Oats cd the entire drive.
By the time they got there Claire was shaking with nervous anticipation and trying to pretend everything was totally normal.
"Claire!" Jamie screamed excitedly as soon as she made it past the parking lot with her container in hand and Bennett right behind her with her bag and the watermelon he'd sliced.
"Hey!" she screamed excitedly as soon as he'd hit her legs with enough force to send her to the ground if Bennett hadn't caught her from behind and steadied her. "You look bigger! Did you get bigger!?" she accused in frustration as she looked down at him and he stood up as tall as he could with the bright orange life vest basically chocking the life out of his chest.
Claire had seriously enjoyed her week off of pseudo-mom duties, but she'd missed her daily interactions with Jamie more than she ever would have imagined. She'd been so busy at camp she really hadn't had time to call him like she'd promised she would, and the thought made her sad. He was her responsibility; she couldn't just neglect him again.
"Hey, Claire!" Embry said happily as he walked past, stopping to greet her with a hug and then slap Bennett happily across the back, "Good to see you moving around, man. You scared us all there for minute!"
"Psh, nothing Carlisle couldn't fix with his magic." Bennett replied easily but Claire knew he was downplaying the impact his surgery had had on him. Seth and Paul laughed in response though.
There were people everywhere and suddenly Claire was hugging and chatting with everyone as she tried to make her way to the bed of Sam's truck next to the beach fire they already had going at eleven am to set down the food she'd brought with them. It took ten minutes of hugging and kissing and happily yet nervously greeting everyone that she considered family before she made it to the fire and set down her load with the rest of the food. Jamie had already taken off again and Claire spotted Rachel waving at her from the beach chair she was sitting on chatting comfortably with Emily next to her. Rachel looked adorable in her crocheted cover up hugging her baby bump just sticking out enough to be noticeable. She was rubbing her stomach happily with her left hand that sparkled with her brand-new wedding ring firmly planted on her finger above the gold promise ring Travis had given her. Claire smiled happily at the sight of her looking so content especially after the first couple weeks of Travis's basic training keeping them separated.
"Claire!" Kim's voice sang out excitedly from ten feet away as she headed in Claire's direction and Claire stiffened up immediately in response.
She'd noticed all the confused looks that Seth, Tara, Tyler, Embry, and Paul had all given to her when they'd greeted her and then spotted Bennett right behind her since she'd clearly come with him instead of Quil or even her family.
Kim was by far the most outspoken and nosey and there was no way Claire was going to get out of this conversation without some serious questions about her relationships with both Quil and Bennett.
"Kim!" Claire chimed in her best impression of happy.
Five feet before Kim reached her standing by the food Claire heard the excited bark that was her only warning before Butch was suddenly attacking her with his front paws on her shoulders.
"Hey buddy!" Claire said already sounding so much more excited than she had a moment ago.
Butch couldn't decide between barking and licking her face as he kept switching excitedly between the two until Claire crouched down to hug her arms around his neck.
"I missed you too!" she laughed as he ran around in a circle and then pushed up against her again.
"He's been waiting for you."
Claire's heart dropped at the sound of his voice, and she felt her hand shake against Butch's fur as she looked all the way up to Quil standing next to her where she clearly hadn't seen him approaching. She stood up nervously to greet him there in front of Kim and everyone else chatting happily around the fire.
He turned to Bennett while she stood up and said, "Good to see you, man. You're looking way better."
Bennett grabbed Quil's hand in front of him in a mix between a handshake and a hand slap before he pulled him toward him and then hugged him with his other arm. He patted him on the back with a loud slap before Quil did the same.
"Thanks, man. It's good to see you again." Bennett said sounding happy and Claire was just having a hard time not shaking her head in astonishment.
She knew that they were on friendly terms again, but she'd had no idea how much the ordeal of Bennett's surgery had clearly bonded them. She hadn't seen Quil since she'd dropped him off at the airport two weeks ago, but he'd come to visit Bennett and check on his recovery after he'd gotten back from Georgia while Claire was at camp.
Quil turned back to Claire beside him again and just stopped to look at her for a second like he just wanted to memorize her face. Claire's palms immediately started to sweat, and she pressed them against the cotton of her shorts hoping no one would notice. It wasn't fair when he looked at her like that.
"Hey." He said happily with a smile before he leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. That was new. They didn't usually greet each other with physical affection anymore…. Except that he had tried to kiss her the last time she'd said goodbye to him two weeks ago. The thought made her head spin. "Long time, no see."
Claire just kind of stood there stiffly not really having any idea how to respond until she barely caught Paul's chuckle in response and realized there were people watching them.
She cleared her throat and looked down at Butch as she patted him again and then he suddenly took off away from her, running to join Jamie splashing with the other children in the water.
"Yeah…" she said brightly, "How was Atlanta? How's Hannah doing?"
"Good. Atlanta was good…." He said and she knew he was watching her and that she needed to look at him, but it didn't make it easier to when she turned, and her eyes locked with his in that instant connection she couldn't deny. "How was camp? You look darker."
"Camp was good." She said with a shrug. She hated that they were having this conversation in front of about ten eager pairs of ears but that was her own damn fault since if she'd just called him, today wouldn't have been so awkward. "Five days spent in the sun does that I guess…"
Quil nodded before he asked casually, "When did you get back?"
Claire swallowed as she resisted the urge to look at Bennett before she answered, "… yesterday afternoon."
"You got back yesterday?" Quil immediately asked in confusion and Claire had to look away as she let her eyes trail down the beach at all their family members playing happily together in the sun and cold water, except for the ones around the truck and fire watching them intently as Claire tried to pretend they didn't exist.
"Yup, after I drove back from Seattle."
"You weren't home last night." He said like he was pointing out an obvious flaw in her story and Claire's head snapped back to look at him just as Paul let out a distinctive "ooh." and Sam and Embry both snickered, clearly enjoying this more than they should.
"You were there?" Claire asked in shock.
Quil ignored all his brother wolves and nodded at her with insistence as he said, "I stayed until nine. I put Jamie to bed."
Claire could feel the shock on her face. "You did? I thought….. Rachel said… my mom….."
Quil suddenly sighed as he looked away from her and down the beach and then grabbed her arm and nodded his head back the way she'd come, "Come on, I forgot something in my car."
It was clear he was taking her back to the parking lot to have a private conversation and Claire wasn't sure if she was more grateful or upset by the thought. Sam, Embry, Seth, and Paul all booed as they walked away back toward the parking lot.
Quil had let go of her arm, but he walked behind her instead of beside her like he was keeping an eye on her in case she ran for it. Bennett gave her first a sympathetic look and then an encouraging nod when she walked past.
Quil helped her up the rocks that were the quickest way to the parking lot but neither of them spoke as they walked to his car.
Claire was surprised when he came around to the passenger side and opened the door for her before he moved around and then slid into the driver's seat. He sighed as he shut the door and looked out the windshield without starting the car.
"Why didn't you ever call me back?" he asked immediately without any preamble.
Claire tensed as her shoulders came close to her ears in a tight shrug.
She hesitated for just a moment before she blurted out suddenly, "…. I didn't want to have the conversation!"
"The conversation?" Quil asked in almost disbelief while he looked at her and Claire stared out the windshield at the massive trees in front of them. "The conversation we talked about last time we talked? About us deciding where we wanted to go from here? That conversation?"
"Yes. That conversation." Claire confirmed while still refusing to look at him.
"You didn't want to have the conversation, or you just didn't want to talk to me?" Quil suddenly asked sounding frustrated.
Claire looked over at him in confusion, but he just raised his eyebrows and nodded like he wanted her to answer.
"…. I don't know…. Maybe both." She finally whispered honestly.
Quil huffed like he was frustrated and looked away from her before he sighed and looked back. He was quiet and regretful when he asked softly, "Are you punishing me?"
"What?" Claire asked in confusion as she shook her head, "No… I mean I don't think so…. That's not what I'm trying to do…."
Quil sighed again as he looked back out the windshield and absentmindedly ran his hand across the steering wheel.
"Did you stay the night with Bennett?" he suddenly asked without looking back at her.
Claire bit her lip but nodded in agreement as she watched him to try to evaluate his reaction.
"Because you thought your mom was home last night?" he asked while still staring forward.
She just nodded again.
Quil sighed then closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "We don't have to have the stupid conversation, Claire… I never would have even suggested it if I thought it'd make you avoid me."
Claire sighed with relief but also just a touch of regret and then nodded her head again even though he wasn't looking at her.
"We don't have to avoid each other." He assured her again, "We can just go back to what it was like before."
Claire sat in confusion since she had no idea what he meant…. Before what? Before they'd dated? Before they broke up? Before he'd admitted he was still in love with her?
Quil sighed again before she'd had enough time to figure out a response, "Come on, we better get back out there."
Claire followed silently as they both slipped back out of the car and then started heading back toward the beach. When Quil reached her side behind the Camaro he suddenly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, stopping her as he pulled her into him and then wrapped his other arm around her so that he was hugging her with his arms folded around the back of her neck. She hesitated a moment, trying to ignore the feeling of how desperately her body wanted to melt into his before she let her arms wrap around his waist.
Quil sighed, this time sounding content as he pressed his lips to her forehead.
He didn't say anything. He just held her like that with his chin pressed to her forehead and holding her tightly seeming to absorb energy straight from their contact.
Finally, after probably three minutes he dropped another kiss to her forehead and then pulled away again.
Claire was suddenly grateful for the space once he was no longer touching her. She was suddenly worried that her love for him burned too bright and hot. Did he feel it when he was touching her? She wasn't sure, but she knew if he'd held her much longer, he probably would have.
When he helped her down to the beach again, he let her go her own direction as he headed back to the bonfire.
.
Macy arrived an hour later while Claire was standing in just her white bikini pretending the water didn't burn because it was so cold as she held Jamie's hand right in front of the surf. Bennett was holding his other hand so that they made a human chain. He was still wearing the trunks Claire had bought him and they fit him well even though they only came to the middle of his thighs, he was the only wolf who wasn't splashing around shirtless, and Claire figured it was because of Macy and him not wanting her to see his scars that he wore the rash guard.
Jamie kept giggling as he squeezed their hands and counted to three before they would both lift him as he jumped into the waves crashing down on them. He was soaked but Claire and Bennett we're only wet from the waist down.
"Bennett!"
They both heard Macy's voice calling him from the distance and they turned at the same time to see her waving at him from by the fire two hundred feet away in jeans and a fitted crop top with sunglasses on.
Claire sighed when she could feel Macy's eyes on her in her bikini next Bennett even under the sunglasses.
Bennett looked over at Claire who just smiled and shrugged. It was an odd gesture, but she was mostly wishing him luck.
"Thanks." He laughed with a wink as he turned back to the beach and suddenly yelled, "Quil!"
Claire looked at Bennett in confusion as he gestured for Quil to come to them from where he was sitting next to Collin on the beach with a drink in his hand.
"Switch me." Bennett barely called over a normal volume, but Quil handed Collin his drink and then shrugged off his t-shirt so that he was just in his swim trunks and then stood up to make his way to them in the water.
Claire didn't know what to say as Bennett waited for Quil to get to them, refusing to drop Jamie's hand until Quil took it from him. They probably thought they'd both drown if they left him with just Claire to hold him.
"He won't let you wash away." Bennett teased Jamie with a wink before he looked up and gave the same wink to Claire.
Claire shot him a quick look that said she wasn't amused just as Jamie said, "Uh, I know. Quil and I have been tight for years."
Bennett laughed as he headed back to the beach and Quil and Claire turned back around to face the water.
"One…. Two…." Claire began as if nothing had changed, "Three!"
Instead of lifting Jamie with the wave she was timing she suddenly bent and grabbed him to her chest and let her whole body fall into the water taking him and his life vest with her.
He was still connected to Quil who barely let him hit the water before he lifted him out again and then pulled Claire out by her arm in front of him where she'd landed.
Jamie gasped dramatically at the cold water as he spluttered and dropped Claire's hand to wipe his face and hair out of his eyes while holding tight to Quil. Claire laughed at him as she stood back, holding onto Quil's arm that was really her only anchor as she tried to get her feet steady in the moving sand underneath her again. She was freezing and her whole body was covered in goosebumps, but it was worth it when she saw the look of pure angry betrayal and accusation written on Jamie's face. She laughed even harder as he glared at her and she had to squeeze Quil's bicep and hold onto him when the next wave tried to sweep her legs out from under her.
"What was that for!?" Jamie shrilled angrily at her making her laugh even harder.
"You were looking a little dry…." Claire explained lamely with a shrug as steam practically poured out of Jamie's ears, "You need to relax, James, we're here to have fun!"
Jamie huffed indignantly as he glared at Claire from around Quil and then gestured up at him from the hand he wasn't using to squeeze his, "Quil hasn't gotten wet at all, why would you shove ME into the water!?"
Claire looked up at Quil just in time to see him smile as he looked between Jamie and then Claire on either side of him. He only needed to look at her for a single second with that dangerous glint in his eyes for Claire to start trying to back away while still holding him for support.
"Oh no, Quil!" Claire started in a rush, "Don't-!"
It was too late. Quil just gave her an evil smirk before he hauled Jamie up onto his hip without ever looking away from Claire and then grabbed her around the waist with his arm she was using to hold herself up. He growled so loudly he basically sounded like a lion as he let a roar rip from somewhere in his chest just as the next wave hit them and Jamie screamed his head off in a wordless protest. Claire was trying not to laugh as she giggled uncontrollably, unable to break out of his grasp where he held her sideways with her feet sticking out behind him.
Quil dove straight into the water as the next wave hit them. Claire felt his hot arm against the bare skin of her waist squeeze her tighter under the water where all that existed was just silence and pressure of the water swirling chaotically around her. He twisted her so her head was facing up before he came back up pulling her and Jamie out with him as he laughed triumphantly. Claire was trying to spew out some saltwater and blink it out of her eyes as Jamie spluttered wordlessly from Quil's other side.
"'You too, Brute'!" Jamie accused angrily before he shoved against Quil and then dropped down into the surf looking like he'd been dunked head first in a washing machine doing the spin cycle and then turning to make his way back to where Rachel was sitting on her chair on the beach.
"Jamie!" Claire called after him, he was already ten feet away and he blew her off by flopping his hand back in her direction. "Come back! We were just having fun!"
He ignored her as he stomped off angrily and Quil tried, "Come on, Little man! We won't dunk you anymore!"
Jamie just glared hatefully over his shoulder at Quil without breaking step as another wave crested, throwing Claire forward when it hit her from behind since she'd twisted to watch Jamie walk away, Quil tightened his arm still around her waist to keep her steady when she lurched forward and she was suddenly giggling when she yelled after Jamie, "That's not the line! Know your Shakespeare before you quote it!"
Jamie didn't even look back as he hurried over to Rachel holding out a towel and shaking her head as she laughed at him.
Quil laughed as he looked down at Claire and said, "He's five, Claire…. The fact he's quoting Shakespeare at all is impressive!"
Claire pretended to gasp as she turned toward him still wrapped in his arm holding her steady, "Eh tu, Brutu!?"
She couldn't even say it with a straight face and was giggling the entire time until Quil suddenly tightened his arm around her and then fell forward into the next wave again.
This time he released her when they hit the water and Claire suddenly realized it was much colder without his skin there to warm her. She could hear Quil laughing at her as she resurfaced, standing, and bringing her hands up to wipe away the salt and water and hair all sticking to her face.
"All right!" Claire defended like she was angry before she shoved her arm out across the water splashing at him and then laughed when it hit him.
He smiled devilishly at her again from the few feet away that they'd resurfaced apart from each other.
"You really want to start this fight, Claire?" he challenged as he held up his hands in line with the surface of the water.
Claire suddenly felt the smile slide off her face as she considered the question.
Did she? Did she want to be alone with Quil in the ocean, laughing and splashing around?
"… I'm cold." She suddenly explained with a small, regretful smile while she backed away a few feet toward the beach which was worse since the water now only hit her shins and her entire body was exposed to the cold air.
He smiled enticingly at her as he nodded toward the water behind him, "Come on, I'll keep you warm."
Suddenly it wasn't summer anymore at all and Claire wasn't with Quil at the beach.
No, it was early spring, and they were at a waterfall deep in the woods after they'd left his mother's house. Claire was stripping off her clothes down to her underwear, getting ready to go in and nodding toward the water, 'Come in with me. Keep me warm.'
Claire shook her head with a quick jerk as she tried to shake the memory way. She looked away from Quil and down at herself in her bikini.
She quickly adjusted it. Pulling at the material to try and cover more of herself if only by a centimeter. She felt so much more exposed in it after the flashback of being in just her underwear in front of him. It didn't make sense to her but somehow that moment was so much more intimate, and it made her bikini feel like it was just a poor substitute for the real show she'd already given him.
"….. No-no thanks." Claire stuttered way too late so that it probably would have been better for her to just not say anything. She didn't even look back up at him.
She turned away and folded her arms across her chest to try to keep herself warm as she forced her legs through the surf to try to make it back to her bag and her clothes.
"Claire?" Quil called in confusion as she walked away from him.
He'd obviously noticed her mini freak out and was wondering what was wrong, but Claire wasn't going to explain it to him or anyone else. She'd had enough humiliation in her life, she didn't need to add more.
*Author's Note*
To my dear sweet, Realization reading fam! First off I really want to say thank you. To everyone that reached out and sent me notes asking where the crap I went, left reviews, or simply read through the series and stuck with me this far into it! Thank you! Seriously.
Second off, I am sorry for my completely unintentional disappearance. I've definitely had hiatuses with updates before but this time was unplanned and unintentional! This summer kicked me in my a$$ (and yes I am spelling it with money signs because my a$$ IS money ;P) and nothing really went to plan!
I had plans to announce this much earlier but again, see the things not going according to plan! I have signed a publishing deal with Saga Fiction, a new digital publisher who's app is already on the google play store so all my android users out there go check it out! The deal is for all of my fanfiction and completely reworking it to land in the happy world of just fiction! This is pretty obviously huge for me, and hopefully it explains not just my lack of updates but also why some of my work just up and disappeared!
I have worked SOOO hard and reworked and reworked and then did some more tweaking and then more reworking and am still reworking Imprintation... but as of Oct 3rd (less than three weeks from when I'm posting this!) it will officially be Bound by Fate, the story of Fifteen year old Celeste and her werewolf best friend Takoda of the Sioux Tribe in South Dakota who BOUND himself to her as a toddler... I mean I think you can probably still see Quil and Claire's story in there but that was kind of the point!
Anyways, I hope you guys won't be too upset about eventually losing Imprintation, Claireification, and Realization... This wasn't the original plan but honestly I love my FFN fam too much to just yank all the work SOOO for now, each work will stay up until it's reworked counterpart is available and ready to drop. Yes, I will be doing more updates on Realization though I do beg your patience since I'm currently spinning soo many plates and can't focus on this work as much as I'd like to. I do also have to announce that the forth installment and finale of Quil and Claire's story will unfortunately NOT be making any appearance on FFN. Bound Forever will be the finale installment and only be available on the Saga App featuring Koda and Celeste.
Okay, that's all as far as announcements go! I know it was a lot, but I really am excited for this opportunity to work with Saga and I'm hoping for more of that same support I've always gotten from my readers her on FFN! Thank you for sticking with me! It's meant the world!
xoxo,
Jess
OH! Also, yes, please go find and follow me on Instagram (At writer_jessica_summer) so you can be kept up to date about all the installment drop dates and also because I love to cyberstalk and interact with all of my readers! ;)