CHAPTER 20
Claire:
She didn't answer Quil's call to her as she left him there and forced her way, shivering, up the beach. She was just relieved for her bag she found where she'd dropped it by Brady and Sofia across from Jamie still ignoring her sitting with Rachel and Emily.
"Having fun?" Sofia asked her hopefully.
"Definitely!" Claire lied cheerfully.
She was grateful when she pulled the extra-large towel out of her bag and wrapped it around her freezing body completely encasing her.
"You look a little cold." Brady mused with a laugh clear in his voice from where he was sitting behind Sofia on a blanket with his arms around her.
No shit, Sherlock! Claire huffed silently in misplaced frustration.
"A little bit!" she replied in a chipper voice as she yanked her shorts out of her bag and then pulled them over her legs, desperate to be clothed again and grateful when Brady let the subject drop.
When she felt someone watching her, Claire looked up and toward the fire, she almost expected it to be Quil except that she knew he was still in the water behind her where she'd left him.
It was Macy standing next to Bennett, casually chatting with Embry and Arabella. She had suspicion written all over her face as she stared almost accusingly at Claire.
Claire froze and then looked down at herself when she realized the extra-large towel with the distinctive paisley print was from Bennett's mom's linen closet in house they'd only left a few hours earlier.
She dropped the towel almost automatically, opting to pull her t-shirt over her head so that she could hide the towel out of Macy's view when she looked down at the Ramone's logo and suddenly realized it was Bennett's shirt.
She'd look back up in horror at Macy already looking upset as she said something to Bennett next to his shoulder like she didn't want Embry and Arabella to hear.
Bennett shrugged and then laughed as he said something back but suddenly Macy looked pissed.
Bennett looked over at Claire and met her horrified gaze with a tired look of his own that almost seemed to say See! I told you she'd be like this. Unfortunately, Macy looked up just in time to notice the unspoken communication pass between them.
She grabbed Bennett's arm angrily and Claire looked away, dropping the shirt back into her bag with a massive feeling of regret.
She should have known better. Showing up in Bennett's t-shirt… really? Was she just stupid?
"…I guess I'll just work on my tan." Claire sighed not sure if she was speaking to herself or Brady and Sofia who seemed to be watching her.
"Good luck!" Sofia hummed and Claire wasn't sure if she meant on her tan or with Macy.
Claire just smiled in response as she wrapped up the towel in her arms and moved back toward Rachel and Jamie in just her high waisted red cotton shorts and her string bikini top. She was freezing but she couldn't even bring herself to wrap the towel back around her as she made it to where Rachel was sitting in the beach chair next to Emily, and Jamie was wrapped up in a towel shivering extra dramatically as he leaned against Butch sitting on the ground beside Rachel.
"Jamie, let's go build a sandcastle!" Claire said brightly.
"No. This sand sucks. It's too pebbley." He replied in his grumpy voice as he leaned against Butch, clearly he had not forgiven her for her and Quil's teasing and dunking in the water.
"Come on, we can at least try!"
"No." Jamie insisted.
Claire just sighed because she'd known it when she'd woken up that morning that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make things work out.
.
Two hours later Claire was still shivering in her mostly dry bikini top, and she wondered if the tension would ever leave her muscles from how cold her entire body was. She was sitting on the towel she'd brought and eating a sandwich next to Jamie eating a hot dog. Butch was lying in front of her, and she was using him as a table to hold her plate while she sat facing Rachel and Emily. Quil was sitting next to Sam and Sammy Jr just a few feet away, eating a burger as they had their own conversation, while Sarah and Jonah kept getting in trouble for shooting each other with their water guns right beside them.
Quil had stayed in the ocean for about ten more minutes after Claire had abandon him. After that he'd followed her back up to the beach, he'd stayed close to her but given her space instead of forcing himself close to her or badgering her for an explanation of why she'd suddenly bolted. She was grateful, even though she could feel his eyes on her, evaluating her every couple of minutes.
Claire had just looked over at him to watch him looking out at the water as he said, "… I mean diesel is more effective but I'm just not sure it's worth it." When suddenly Sam raised his voice and asked, "You cold there, Claire?"
They were only eight to ten feet away, but Claire didn't think he'd been paying attention to her and jumped in shock, especially since she'd basically been caught staring at Quil.
"Maybe a little…" Claire admitted with a shrug like it wasn't a big deal.
"Where's your top?" Emily asked concerned. She looked like she was about to wrap Claire in her favorite homemade quilt and then force a mug of hot coco into her hands.
Claire smiled at the thought before she shrugged and shook her head again in answer.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel laughed in response.
Claire hesitated as she looked at Rachel and Emily a couple feet in front of her and then Quil and Sam a few feet over from them before she just admitted the truth as she picked up the pile of dark t-shirt from next to her towel, "… The only shirt I brought belongs to Bennett."
It was quiet for a second while everyone looked confused and then Rachel hissed in a breath between her teeth as Emily looked regretfully over at the fire where Macy sat picking at some food next Bennett. Sam shook his head and darkly muttered, "that girl." like he thought Macy was the worst thing that had ever happen to the Quiluette wolves.
Quil surprised Claire the most when instead of saying anything he just shook his head as he stared at her and then grabbed his shirt from over his shoulders and yanked it off over his head. He stood and then walked the few feet over to her towel with his shirt bunched in his hands.
When he got to her, he knelt down so that his knees were next to her and then didn't even try to give it to her. He pulled the whole thing down over her head so that it fell over her, immediately enveloping her in his scent and warmth. She tried not to take a deep inhale as she fed her arms through but when she failed pathetically, she just hugged her arms around herself like it was a reaction to the warmth. She didn't even want to admit to herself how much being suddenly enveloped in his scent made her feel like she'd just come home.
"Why didn't you just say something?" he hissed quietly, sounding frustrated and annoyed as he spoke only to her so that the rest of the group wouldn't overhear though Claire suspected that Sam probably still could.
"Like what?" Claire asked in confusion.
"Uh gee how about, 'Hey, Quil, I'm freezing, and I don't have a t-shirt. Do you think I might borrow yours?'?" he mumbled irritably, and Claire suddenly laughed at the idea before he frowned at her.
"You're serious?" she asked in disbelief.
Quil didn't answer before he stood up looking annoyed and walked back over to take his place next to Sam again.
"Claire." A familiar voice hissed, and she turned to look away from Quil and a few feet over to where Sofia and Brady were sitting with Leah and Collin. It was Bennett looking at her as he dug through her bag and then held up his plastic jar of nasty smelling goo and a wooden craft stick. He suddenly nodded his head toward the forest behind the beach and she realized what he was clearly asking. She nodded her head quickly as she wondered where Macy was. She dropped her plate down on the towel.
"Watch my food for me, James." She said as she stood up, tying the too large shirt in a knot around her waist before she stepped to hurry and follow Bennett.
"Don't count on it." Jamie mumbled grumpily and the second Claire stepped off the towel Butch leaned forward and ate the rest of her sandwich.
Claire didn't look back as she dashed off toward the edges of the trees where Bennett was already pulling his rash guard off over his head.
"Where's Macy?" Claire whispered conspiratorially as she looked around them trying to see if they were being followed or watched.
"You don't have to whisper." Bennett laughed at her. "She left already,."
Claire made a face of regret as she took the jar out of his hand and walked around to the back side of him.
"How'd it go?" she asked nervously.
"Eh…" Bennett hesitated as Claire dug the stick into the jar and started scooping with it. "Probably as well as could be expected."
"Oh!" Claire hummed in surprise as she started spreading the tree excrement across his biggest scare mid-back, "That's good then, right?"
"Maybe…" Bennett hummed reasonably, "She said she might come back tonight for the tribal stories."
"That's great!" Claire agreed less brightly than she meant to because she was scowling at the salve as she dug into the jar again and then attacked the scar on the right. "Was she pissed about me?"
"Oh yeah, definitely." Bennett assured her immediately.
"… Of course she was." Claire hummed.
Bennett just shrugged in response.
"Don't move when I'm working with this stuff. You know it starts to harden as soon as it hits air!" Claire chastised him.
Bennett just laughed at her but held still.
"Alright." Claire sighed a minute later. "All done with round six hundred fifty-seven of six million."
She held up the jar and the stick as he turned back around to face her and then twisted the lid back on it as she wiped her hands off against each other and then on her shorts.
"Thanks, Mere." He said easily as they started making their way back to the sand.
"Yup." She replied easily, "Want to get some food? Jamie fed Butch the rest of my sandwich."
"Eh, I'll meet you over there." He told her as he waved her off, "I'm gonna go dump this in your bag and play some catch."
She noticed that his shirt was now included in the stuff he was stuffing in her bag as he headed eagerly toward where Brady and Collin were just starting to toss a football and suddenly wondered if Macy really hadn't seen his scars before…. She'd assumed she'd seen them at least once or twice post-surgery but if Bennett was actively hiding them from her alone maybe she'd never had.
She shoved the thought away as she made it to Sam's truck with the tailgate down and the containers of food spread out with the coolers of drinks shoved underneath it.
Gracie was there making a sandwich as Claire came up beside her and started piling fruit and chips on a new plate.
"Hey!" Claire greeted her, realizing that she hadn't said hi yet.
She hadn't even seen Gracie since Brady and Sofia's wedding she'd left early… she suddenly wondered if she'd left Gracie hanging with the post-wedding clean up and bridesmaid responsibilities when she'd abandon ship without giving any explanation.
Gracie smiled at her before she nodded toward Claire's chest and said, "That's really cute. I like that little knot thing you did."
Claire looked down at the shirt still engulfing her as she laughed, relieved that Gracie didn't seem annoyed with her and stuck a chip in her mouth. "Thanks. It's Quil's." she explained with a little shrug because she still felt stupid about it.
Gracie looked over at her with an impressed look on her face before she said, "Wow the literal shirt off his back. He seems to take really good care of you."
Claire about took a step back in shock at that comment. It was true he'd given her his shirt but the last few months it'd felt more like he was driving a knife between her ribs than anything else.
It took her a second, but she suddenly realized that Gracie just meant in a physical sense. Keeping her warm, making sure she was fed, and that Gracie must just have a very limited view of Quil's relationship with her.
"Um…. Yeah, I guess so…" Claire murmured a little uncomfortably as a reply.
Gracie seemed to sense Claire's discomfort and graciously changed the subject when she mused happily with a smile,
"So, I saw you in the trees with Bennett just now. You two seem close since his accident."
Claire was just grateful she'd moved away from talking about her relationship with Quil. Gracie was clearly just trying to make friendly conversation even if she had no idea how painful it was for her to talk about.
"Yeah, Bennett and I have always been close." Claire mused with a shrug.
"Sofia told me in Vegas that you two used to date?" Gracie asked her in a quiet whisper like she didn't want to embarrass Claire if anyone were to overhear.
Claire just laughed since no one else was even close enough to hear and her past relationship with Bennett was no secret to anyone there.
"Yeah, like a million years ago." Claire agreed with another laugh.
"Well, I think you two are really cute together and obviously you get along really well!" Gracie said like she wanted to weigh in her two cents in Bennett's favor. She already sounded like she was shipping them.
Claire just smiled as she shook her head not really wanting to explain exactly how imprinting works to Gracie since Sofia had obviously not done a good enough job of it.
"I don't think so…. He's kind of like a brother to me now…." Claire replied as she leaned back against the tailgate behind her to support her weight.
Gracie shrugged like she wasn't upset either way, "Yeah that happens. I'm glad you two have been able to maintain your friendship even after you dated though."
"Me too." Claire agreed happily with a smile.
It was quiet for a moment between them as Gracie munched on some fruit and Claire ate some more chips. It was peaceful as they sat together just watching everyone spread out around them and the waves beyond.
"Where's Noah?" Claire suddenly asked as she glanced around the sand around Gracie like the three-year-old would magically appear where he hadn't been before.
"Uh…." Gracie mused as she looked over to where Brady and Sofia had been sitting but now only empty chairs and towels remained, "There he is! Playing with Quil's dog and your little brother."
Claire followed the direction Gracie was pointing and spotted Noah on her towel next to Jamie as they took turns feeding Butch pieces of cheese. Noah laughed every time Butch's tongue touched his hand.
Claire smiled at the sight. She could see Jamie's mouth moving as he said what looked like, 'No, do it like this.' in what she was sure was a bossy voice to Noah who was less than two years younger than him.
"He's super cute, Gracie." Claire commented as she watched Noah taking Jamie in stride and letting him micromanage every piece they fed to Butch from his chubby little hand.
"Thanks." Gracie sighed. "He's so much like his father…. Some days it scares the shit out of me."
Claire looked over at her in concern as Gracie turned back to her and explained, "Oh his dad is a real asshole."
Claire just laughed in response at the confident, yet unperturbed way Gracie had said it.
"I'm sorry, Gracie… that's gotta suck to co-parent with someone like that." Claire replied sympathetically.
"Thanks…. It's hard sometimes." Gracie agreed appreciatively as they both turned back against the truck to continue watching the little boys with Butch, "But I have a great family that offer a ton of support so I really can't complain."
Claire was about to comment about how Sofia must be such a fun aunt when they both saw the way Butch enthusiastically licked Noah across the face from his chin to his hairline and Noah promptly bursting into traumatized tears. The wind even carried the sound of his wails down the beach to where Claire and Gracie where standing.
Before either of them could even say anything about it, they both watched as Quil suddenly scooped Noah up from Claire's towel he was sitting on in his little matching toddler rash guard and swim trunks. Butch was still sitting unconcerned next to Jamie and Emily was standing up to move closer and help as Quil propped Noah against his hip and said something to him that they couldn't hear from a hundred feet away.
Claire could imagine him using the same calm, soothing tone he'd always used when she was upset as a child. Noah wailed again and pointed an accusing finger down at Butch below them. Quil said something else to him and then it suddenly looked like Noah giggled at him as he looked back at Quil's face next to him and Quil nodded at him.
Noah giggled again and then Quil looked over at Sofia and Emily standing next to him and then back at Noah who seemed to agree and then stretched his arms out reaching for Sofia to take him.
"… Is he good with kids?" Gracie asked in voice that sounded almost hypnotized as they both watched Quil hand Noah off to Sofia.
Sofia kissed his cheek and Noah laughed again before he pointed back at Quil right next to them like he was telling her whatever Quil had said to him, Sofia laughed in response as she nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
"Yeah, he is." Claire admitted happily thinking back about how good he always was with Jamie and how much fun he'd been during her own childhood.
"Hey, Claire, there's something I've wanted to ask you…" Gracie suddenly said hesitantly.
"Oh?" Claire asked curiously as she finally turned away from the mesmerizing scene down the beach and looked at Gracie next to her, "Shoot."
"So…" she began like she was prefacing something, "I know you're to Quil what Sophia was to Brady…"
Claire's stomach dropped immediately; she wasn't sure exactly where Gracie was going with her question, but she suddenly didn't like the direction it was headed in.
"Uh….." Claire hesitated uncomfortably, "… yeah… he imprinted on me… like Brady imprinted on Sofia…. So, I guess, yes, I'm to Quil what Sofia is to Brady"
She had no idea how to even begin to explain her current relationship with Quil especially in comparison to Brady and Sofia still fresh from their honeymoon but at least everything she'd said were pretty simple truths.
Gracie looked confused for a second before she said, "You're his imprint though?"
"Yeah."
"But he's older than you right?"
Claire hesitated in confusion, not liking the direction Gracie was suddenly going with this. She'd never thought of Gracie as being in a different age range then she was, but Claire knew she was at least seven or eight years older than her.
"Yeah," Claire sighed reluctantly as she suddenly wondered if there was some kind of abort button that she could push to get out of this conversation. "… He's older than me."
Gracie nodded like it confirmed that her understanding of their relationship was what she'd originally thought. "How old is he again?" she suddenly asked unsure.
She didn't even say it like she was rubbing it in Claire's face or trying to make a point.
"Thirty-one." Claire said quietly as she went back to watching Quil sitting next to Sam.
Jamie had just abandoned Butch and wormed his way over between Quil's legs. Quil didn't even pause what he was saying or look away from Sam before he put his hands around Jamie's ribs and pulled him directly onto his lap. Jamie curled into his shirtless chest that Claire was sure was warmer than sitting next to the open fire like she was.
Claire felt a potent hit to her gut at the view of Quil with Jamie in his arms snuggled against him so easily and she cursed him silently in her head for being so paternal. Why did he need to be so attractive when all it did was hurt her so much?
"So anyway….." Gracie mumbled distractedly after a quiet moment and Claire suddenly realized she wasn't the only one effected by the sight of a shirtless Quil while they both continued to stare at him with Jamie basically falling asleep on his lap, "I wanted to ask if you'd be okay if I maybe asked him out to dinner or drinks or something."
Claire just stood there in shock as she felt her eyes widen still frozen on Quil in front of her as she silently tried to contemplated if it was at all actually possible that Sofia's sister was asking her for permission to ask Quil out.
She couldn't even process that and there was no way she could possibly respond.
The silence became a little tense between them when Claire didn't respond.
Gracie suddenly turned to her and spoke quickly when she seemed to realize how uncomfortable Claire was, "I know how important you are to him, Claire! I would never try to compete with that, I wanted you to know that first before I ask or anything. I didn't mean to freak you out, I guess I just thought that I have Noah and it doesn't matter who I date, they're never going to be more important than he is to me. So, I just get it and I figured….." she kind of faded off with implication at the end.
Claire blew out a winded breath in response as she leaned heavily against the tailgate behind her before just pushing up against it to sit on it since she felt like she might collapse.
Had Gracie really just compared her situation as a single mother to what Quil's relationship with Claire was? Claire was to Quil what Noah was to Gracie now? The thought felt like a punch directly to her gut.
"….. I…. we…." Claire stuttered out brokenly not sure what she was trying to say but feeling like she needed to defend herself against being compared to the three-year-old a hundred feet away from them. "… I dated him." Claire finally settled for in a weak voice.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Gracie started out regretfully clearly realizing she'd misinterpreted whatever she'd thought was between Claire and Quil, "I thought you guys broke up a few months ago because Quil felt like he was too old for you."
Claire finally looked over at her and feeling frozen with the horror that was paralyzing her.
She just nodded with her mouth slightly open because Gracie was right, they had broken up months ago because Quil thought he was too old to date her. And obviously Gracie had been around enough and seen the way Quil had treated her…. Claire had just never imagined that this would be how she would have interpreted their relationship.
"I'm so sorry, Claire!" Gracie apologized sounding mortified, "I really thought you were over it. There was that guy with the tattoos in Vegas that you seemed so into before Quil chased him off and I just thought you felt the same way, that he was way too old for you… I had no idea…"
Claire was shaking from head to foot and suddenly wondered what was more humiliating? Gracie thinking it was okay to ask Quil out because they're relationship was mostly familial in nature, or Gracie thinking it wasn't okay to ask Quil out because Claire had a pathetically massive unrequited crush on the man twice her age?
"… It's fine." Claire finally murmured feeling disconnected from herself even as she continued, "It's totally fine. We broke up months ago so it's fine. I have no idea what he'll say but it's fine if you ask him."
"Really?" Gracie asked. She sounded surprised but she didn't sound suspicious, and Claire was cursing her in her mind for being so nice when she suddenly just wanted to hate her, "Are you sure, Claire? I'd never want to do anything to hurt your feelings or upset you!"
Then don't ask Quil out! Claire's brain screamed even as she heard herself saying, "Totally. Go for it."
Her voice did sound dead instead of encouraging but before Gracie could even respond Claire dropped her paper plate right on the tailgate in a complete daze. Her joints all felt cemented together as she slid off the truck and then walked away in stiff motions making her way down the beach.
She felt like the Tin Man without his oil as she walked in a daze toward Quil still sitting with Jamie now asleep in his lap. It took her five minutes to get to them because the sand and rocks suddenly felt like wet cement.
She only paused to bend down and scoot Butch off her towel before she picked it up again, ignoring, or just not even processing when Rachel said something to her, or Emily called out a happy greeting.
The only voice she could hear was Quil's as he called, "Hey!" like he'd been wondering where she'd gone off to. She heard it but she didn't respond at all as she ignored Butch rubbing against her, asking for some attention as she wrapped the wet sandy towel around herself like a blanket.
"… Claire?"
She finally looked up at him when he said her name.
It was like she couldn't not respond. She was prewired to. It was Quil's voice saying her name.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly in concern over Jamie's shoulder from where he sat only six feet away from her in the sand.
No, Quil. No, I'm not. She thought desperately as she stared at him with her mouth popped open just enough for a wheeze of air to rush out before she heard her own voice repeat the same lie she'd been saying since the day her dad had died.
"I'm fine."
.
This had to be the longest day of Claire's entire life and somehow, painfully, it was still going. They'd been at the beach for a full ten hours and yet since the sun had only set an hour earlier, they'd only barely finished telling the ceremonial Quiluette tribal stories.
Sam had spoken in that deep majestic voice of his all about the wolves' history and sacred responsibility and Leah had told some of their stories (Claire had once heard Leah's mom tell the same stories years ago and Leah was almost as intense and commanding), Kim had even sung. Children were falling asleep, and Sofia was starting to get tipsy, but Claire hadn't seen or heard any of it. She'd sat there completely oblivious to almost everything happening right in front of her around the fire.
Because she was sitting next to him.
Gracie was sitting directly next to Quil.
Sure, they were both on beach chairs ten inches apart with Noah asleep on her lap and Bennett was sitting closer to Quil from where he sat next to Claire in between them but still…
Bennett and Claire had laid they're towels together to form a large blanket on the ground and Butch was curled up around Claire between them. Jamie was at one point sitting right behind him, leaning against Butch's back for support as he stared into the fire and tried desperately not to fall asleep even as his head drooped until he'd finally migrated back toward Quil on the beach chair. Rachel was sitting on Claire's other side in the chair she'd brought and set up next to Emily.
Claire just sat with her hands shoved under the knot of Quil's shirt she was still wearing even though she should have given it back the second Macy had left (and never returned) and she could have worn Bennett's again. She kept her palms pressed against her core and she could feel how tight she was from the tension radiating through her body as she sat stiffly with the most perfect posture she'd ever adopted. She couldn't have relaxed if she'd tried and she'd given up counting how many times Bennett had asked what was wrong after the dozenth time. Quil had never really even stopped watching her and she knew she wasn't really fooling anyone.
Bennett had finally given up and simply sighed before he made Claire a smore. When she'd only eaten a single bite and then given the rest to Jamie, he'd looked at her with real alarm before flicking his head over to look at Quil beside him and then looked back at her again with almost fear in his eyes.
"You're riding home with me." He said almost darkly to her, and Claire just nodded her head in agreement at the same time Quil's head popped up from the double-decker smore he was teaching Jamie how to make, and he said,
"I thought you'd ride with me, Claire. I've hardly even heard your voice today and I want to hear about Cheer Camp."
Claire just sat there stiffer than ever, feeling torn apart.
She wasn't even sure if she desperately wanted to ride alone in Quil's Camaro with him or if it was the stuff her worst nightmare was made of.
"Sorry, Cowboy. Should've ponied up sooner. I just called dibs." Bennett answered for her saving her from having to respond.
Quil was about to say something when Jamie looked right at Gracie and completely randomly said directly to her, "Claire belongs to Quil, you know….."
He said it proudly like he was bragging the way only a five-year-old could as he looked around Quil's massive bicep to look at her. He was sitting between Quil's thighs on his beach chair with their legs sprawled out in front of him as he "helped" Quil make his smore on his lap.
Gracie chuckled as she looked from Jamie to Quil and back again. Quil missed the look because he was staring directly at Claire as he began, "No, Jamie…."
Claire shook her head meaningfully at him until he faded off.
Jamie needed consistency in his life. It was what he was constantly searching for since his dad had died, and their mom had basically abandoned him. Whatever helped him believe that Quil was a permanent fixture in his life, Claire wasn't going to take from him.
"I did know that!" Gracie said happily directly to him as she held Noah's arm and refused to let him get any closer to the fire.
"Yeah, because Macy belongs to Bennett so that's why he's such a mess right now…" Jamie continued with a shrug like somehow any of that was connected or made sense.
"Hey!" Bennett objected at the same time Quil started laughing. Claire felt too nauseous and focused on not vomiting to respond at all.
"Is that so?" Gracie asked.
"Yup… Rachel said it's because Macy is a real bitch that Bennett spends so much time with Claire now." Jamie offered helpfully.
"Okay!" Rachel suddenly said only tuning into the last line after Jamie said her name and Quil slapped a hand directly over Jamie's mouth to stop him from saying anymore. Quil's hand was so big that it covered all of Jamie's face below his eyes.
"Jamie...!" Claire chastised horrified but still sounding a little numb as he shrugged unconcerned from under Quil's hold and Bennett looked at Rachel with his eyebrows raised.
Rachel just shrugged a little sheepishly as she muttered, "Sorry!" and then rubbed her baby bump in what Claire suspected was an attempt to make her look more innocent.
Bennett just rolled his eyes in response and Claire suspected it was because he didn't really have a reply to that comment other than to probably not say it in front of Jamie.
"Well, you know how I know all about imprinted relationships?" Gracie asked Jamie directly in what seemed like a merciful attempt to distracted him from the subject of Macy.
Quil dropped his hand on Jamie's face as Jamie shoved his forearm away and asked suspiciously, "How?"
"Because" She explained happily, "Sofia is my sister and I was there the day she met Brady. I got to see it when he imprinted on her."
"Wow." Jamie exhaled like she was a war veteran with an especially impressive story. "Quil, have you ever seen someone imprint?" Jamie looked all the way up until his neck was cranked at an impressive angle to look at Quil above him instead of turning around in their chair.
Quil just laughed as he shoved half of Jamie's smore into his mouth, "Yeah, little man! I've done it, remember?"
"Oh yeah!" Jamie suddenly giggled before he flicked his neck directly to the side and asked, "Claire, have you ever seen it?"
Claire held her palms tighter to the skin on her stomach as she gave Jamie a small closed lipped smile and nodded her head in response, wishing the attention was on someone else since everyone in their small grouping was now looking at her.
"Twice." She muttered in a small voice.
"Twice?" Bennett and Quil both asked in shock.
"Claire, do you actually remember when Quil imprinted on you, or have you just heard the story so many times it feels like you do?" Emily suddenly asked with a laugh in that way that only Emily seemed to manage that made Claire feel like she wasn't laughing at her at all.
Sam laughed at that as he looked directly at Quil said, "Oh boy, remember that day?" Quil was looking directly at Claire though. "I thought for sure I was going to have to pummel you. That girl was two and she was tiny! She was just in that little dress with her diaper hanging out!" Sam recounted as he leaned over both Rachel and Emily to rub the back of Claire's hair and she smiled at him in response even though she really only wanted to cry.
"I remember it." She mostly whispered, not sure why she even felt the need to confirm it when no one was waiting for her response.
"I'll never forget that day." Quil laughed directly to Sam in his own deep voice that sounded more gravelly than normal.
"Well, I want to hear the story!" Gracie weighed in happily before Jamie seconded it. "Come on, Claire! Tell the story, please!" he whined immediately.
"No." Claire said quickly with a chuckle as she shook her head quickly trying to play him off. "We don't need to hear any stories of Claire in diapers tonight!"
She only ever told that story to Jamie like it was a fairytale, and it was the last thing she wanted to recount here in front of the entire group. No one really knew it, but sometimes Jamie cried at night, he had since he was probably born, and when he did, and it was really late, Claire would climb into bed with him and rub the soft hair on his head and tell him the magical story of two soulmates meeting together for the first time and bonding together inseparably for all eternity in a single instance.
Before their dad had died it'd only been once every couple of months, now it was usually a couple times a week.
Jamie immediately started to whine as Gracie said, "Oh come on, Claire! I'm sure you were adorable!"
"She was…" Quil immediately agreed with a smile as Claire looked up at him and locked eyes with him. He was staring at her again and he was looking at her just a little wistfully even as he smiled and somehow made her feel like she was the center of his entire universe, like he couldn't even see the sun if it shined behind her.
"I want to hear it." Bennett said easily as he gave Claire an encouraging poke in the side.
Realizing that she wasn't going to be able to get away from this story she immediately changed tactics and deflected.
"Well then Emily has to tell it! She has the best memory, and she tells it the best!" Claire assured as she looked at her aunt enticingly.
Emily smiled and then laughed at the memory as she opened her mouth to respond.
"Actually," Quil's voice cut across quietly, somehow commanding more attention than if he'd shouted loudly, "I've never heard you tell it, Nino. I didn't know you remembered that day."
It was the first time he'd called her Nino since her dad had died that she hadn't completely hated it. It felt so much like the way he'd called her that as a child, with love and affection, as if she were the best child in the entire world.
"Okay so at what moment exactly do you imprint?" Gracie asked curiously speaking directly to Quil.
He turned away from the connection that seemed to be passing between them from their eye contact alone and looked at Gracie as he said confidently, "The moment I met her. The first moment I saw her."
"Tell the story, Claire!" Jamie insisted and the rest of the group quieted to listen, at least Sam and Emily and then Rachel, Claire, and Bennett between them and Quil with Jamie and Gracie with Noah still wiggling on her lap. Everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations around the fire.
"Alright." Claire sighed and glanced nervously at Quil again who smiled happily at her in response. "But only if you stay quiet and don't correct my story, okay?" she warned looking directly at Jamie who nodded seriously.
"…. Well…. Rachel and I were at Emily's house for the day while my parents went to tour medical schools…." She began, skipping all of the once upon a time and magical details she usually embellished into the story as she looked at Emily again who smiled excitedly at her while she remembered.
"Rachel and I were finger painting, and I was crying because Rachel wouldn't share the blue paint." Claire said in a teasing voice as she looked over at Rachel beside her who suddenly laughed at the detail.
"…. Holy shit." Quil suddenly whispered in a weighted voice and Claire turned to look at him in surprise. "You really remember that day?"
He was whispering directly to her in the firelight and Claire had to swallow as she nodded in response, a little afraid to speak.
Emily laughed, "I'd forgotten that part!"
"Keep going!" Jamie commanded impatiently and Claire had to swallow again and look away if she wanted to be able to keep telling the story.
She looked directly into the fire since it seemed easier than looking at anyone as she cleared her throat and continued on quieter than she meant to,
"I was using it as more body paint than anything else and Rachel had confiscated it so that she'd have enough blue for her sky."
Rachel laughed beside her, "Sounds about right!" but Claire didn't look away from the orange and white flames in front of her as she waited for Sam and Emily's chuckles to fade before she continued more seriously,
"I heard some voices outside getting louder, but I was too distracted by my need to cover my knee in more paint to notice anything…. until I was suddenly terrified when at least six huge men were suddenly pouring into the kitchen all at once."
Claire swallowed as she pulled against her stomach again, somehow both entranced and horrified by her story. She'd never shared it with anyone over the age of five before.
"I was so scared because they were so big…. Especially compared to me." Claire suddenly smiled at the memory. Quil had been at least six times her size that day.
Everyone around her was silent now as they all focused in on her and her story.
"I recognized Sam but the rest of them were all strangers and they all looked almost exactly the same to me….. Except for one….. One of them was just different to me…. Bigger too. He wasn't skinny like Embry or as tall as Jacob."
Claire's throat tightened as she remembered, and she could only continue on in a whisper as she kept looking directly into the flames.
"I think I might have rubbed some paint in my eyes because they stung and I wanted milk, but Emily was distracted talking to Sam… so I looked at all these huge men around me and for some reason I completely ignored the friendly one trying to say hi to me…." "Seth!" Sam suddenly faux-coughed and both Bennett and Quil snickered as Claire continued on undeterred, "….and I focused in on the one that just sort of glowed….. The one with the big shoulders and the huge tattoo that was bigger than anyone else's."
It was suddenly silent around the whole circle now and the atmosphere changed as even Sam seemed to be remembering and everyone else listen intensely.
"Say the part about your heart!" Jamie muttered excitedly from Quil's lap.
Claire couldn't look away from the fire in front of her that seemed to blur slightly as her throat felt tighter than ever. Her fingers suddenly shook against her stomach so that she was grateful they were hidden under the shirt she was wearing.
"….. When I looked at him, I stopped crying. … I wasn't afraid anymore. I wasn't even thirsty anymore.
"…. I put my hand directly over my chest so that there was a little blue handprint stained on my dress…. Everyone thought that it was an accident. It wasn't….. I just needed to leave a mark where he'd marked me." Claire continued so breathlessly she was almost whispering, and her eyes clouded, she was so lost in her story though she hardly even noticed.
"When I looked at him, I suddenly wondered how I ever could have been afraid…. When I looked at him, I thought I didn't need to ever cry again because there was nothing that could hurt me while he was there." Claire muttered slowly and the entire circle was now silent so that only the fire crackled and it seemed like everyone else was holding their breath.
"Say the part about when he looked at you!" Jamie said excitedly like it was his favorite part. In his mind this was usually the part where the prince rode in and saved the little blue princess.
"… He was laughing at something one of the other boys had said and Jacob had just punched his chest… but he felt me watching him and he looked over at me…." Claire whispered in the same slow cadence barely able to see the flames over the moisture built up in her eyes now.
"And?" Jamie encouraged excitedly seeming to be the only one oblivious to the heavy atmosphere of the entire group.
"…. And he saw my blue heart…. He looked directly at it…" Claire blinked at the fire and a silent tear leaked out of each eye to trail noiselessly down her cheeks. "…. His eyes snapped up to my eyes and then…. He froze."
Claire suddenly blinked again and then wiped the tears off her cheek as she suddenly realized everyone was now listening instead of her just saying it to relive it to just their small group and that this was the pinnacle of the story they were waiting for.
She suddenly cleared her throat loudly as she looked down at her lap and Butch on top of it wishing she'd never even started the story.
"I don't remember the rest," She suddenly said as she looked up at Kim across the circle and saw the tears in her eyes that mirrored her own, "except that he helped me put glitter all over my painting and then hosed the blue paint off of me in the backyard." She said with a laugh trying to lighten the mood.
Most people laughed at that and the tension was broken as Jamie protested, "But!-"
"-Jamie." Claire warned quietly, looking only at him instead of Quil behind him and shaking her head.
"That's a great story!" Gracie said like she'd just found a piece of art in a museum she particularly appreciated. "Is that how it really happened? How do you remember it?" she asked Quil beside her loudly enough for at least half the group to hear.
Claire couldn't look at him to see how he'd reply even though she knew everyone else was.
"I remember the blue paint." He confirmed. "Except that when I saw her, I thought I never wanted to look away. That I'd happily sprinkle glitter just to make her smile."
"-and you never stopped." Paul suddenly quipped and the entire group laughed.
Claire just looked back at the fire feeling like a coward since she still couldn't look at Quil and she knew that they'd both skipped the most important parts of the story.
Like the part where he looked at her and their hearts went from beating separately to falling in sync with each other. The part where the second he looked at her he'd cocked his head to the side and stared at her in a confused daze before she'd smiled happily up at him across the small kitchen, and he'd taken a step back like he'd been blown over. Or the part where he'd sat with her on his lap for hours and whispered words to her in Quiluette directly to her as she sat with glitter in her hands. She'd turned in his lap and reached up to him and whispered back in his ear to ask him what it meant. She'd only whispered it like a secret so she could touch his face, she remembered that clearly. It'd left a smudge of blue paint on his cheek where her tiny hand had been, and she'd been secretly glad. They'd had a physical mark connecting them, matching blue connecting him directly to her heart for everyone to see. He'd pressed his forehead directly to hers, covering most of her tiny face and closed his eyes when he'd whispered the answer to her.
'Home.'
"Alright, well it's been fun but some of us have a drive…." Embry suddenly mused loudly breaking Claire out of her daze of memories.
Paul started grumbling his agreement and people started standing up to pack up,
"Wait!" Kim insisted, "Doesn't anyone have anything to share before we go?"
The entire group was quiet, and Claire suddenly wondered if everyone was really staring at her or if that was just in her head. When Leah stood up nervously and a bunch of heads flipped her way from facing Claire, Claire knew she hadn't made it up.
Claire watched curiously as Leah cleared her throat a little nervously and then awkwardly looked down at Collin sitting below her.
"You sure?" he whispered quietly to her so that Claire had to read his lips to make it out, Leah just nodded her head nervously but emphatically in response. Collin suddenly jumped up from the ground to stand next to her as he grabbed her hand supportively beside him.
Leah was still looking down at the ground uncertainly which was an incredibly strange look on her since Claire didn't think she'd ever seen her looking so nervous or unsure when she was usually the picture of confidence.
"We have something to share!" Collin said easily seeming completely relaxed even as Leah looked like she might faint.
"….. What's going on, you guys?" Jared suddenly asked them since they were acting so strange, and this seemed like an unprecedent situation.
Collin let go of Leah's hand and used his arm to wrap around her where he just gave her a supportive squeeze and then seemed to be waiting for her to say something.
Leah took a deep breath at the ground before she looked up at the group and suddenly blurted, "We're pregnant!"
It was completely silent except for the crackle of the fire for a single second before multiple voices shrieked out things like, "What!?" and "No way!"
Claire sat with her mouth slightly open she was so shocked before Leah continued with tears in her eyes, "I didn't even think it was possible!"
"Are you sure?" someone asked but Claire was staring transfixed at Leah laughing and smiling and couldn't tell who'd said it.
Leah nodded as she laughed again and Collin squeezed her while Jared reached around to slap him happily on the back where he could reach him, "I saw Carlisle a couple weeks ago when he was here." Leah nodded over at Bennett clearly referencing his surgery, "He examined me and confirmed it!"
"Does Jacob know!?" Someone else asked but Claire was too busy looking from Leah to Quil looking back at her, probably because they always looked at the other when they were surprised or caught off guard, Did you know? She only thought as she looked at him and he shook his head in answer with a happy sort of shock written on his face and Leah continued,
"He does, but we swore him to absolutely secrecy!"
"Wow!" somebody whistled as people started getting up to hug them and someone yelled, "Is it twins!?"
"NO!" Leah and Collin both assured at the same time since it'd been a running joke since Seth and Tara's twins, that they ran in the family and that wolves didn't just have babies, they breed.
Claire stood up quickly from across the circle as she waited anxiously for a turn to make her way over and hug Leah and then Collin.
"Okay everyone that's it! That's our big news!" Leah assured, clearly still happy but wanting the attention directed elsewhere again.
"Um actually, there is one more thing." Collin announced and Leah jerked around to look at him behind her. She looked irritated like she wanted him to shut up so they could all go home.
"It is twins!" somebody yelled, and everyone laughed until Collin ignored them and then grabbed Leah's hand. He dropped down on one knee and suddenly the entire group went silent.
"What are you doing!?" Leah asked in a clear panic as she looked down at Collin in front of her with her hand held in his.
Collin just laughed completely unbothered by her reaction before he spoke just loudly enough for everyone to hear,
"Leah, I always assumed when I met the women I'd spend the rest of my life with that I'd know it….. but you've always surprised me… And the thing is…. I never want to stop being surprised….."
Leah looked like she couldn't decide between wanting to kiss Collin and smack him, and seemed to settle for lightly pulling her hand against his like she was trying to get him to stop,
"I choose you, Leah….."
There was a collective gasp from the group that sounded almost more like a sigh at that statement.
"I waited years to be destined for someone…. To be tied and told, but now….. now I choose…"
Leah was suddenly crying huge tears so that she was staring directly at Collin who was still cool as a cucumber as she shudder and shook with the tears and he continued, "So basically….. I'd really appreciate it if maybe you could choose me too…."
"Show her the ring!" Brady suddenly muttered to him helpfully and Sofia gasped dramatically like she was shocked he knew what was happening.
Collin laughed again as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a long leather chord. After a second Claire suddenly realized it was his tie from when he ran as a wolf and didn't want to lose his clothes. At the end of it was tied what looked like a platinum ring with the largest diamond Claire had ever seen. Leah gasped and Kim even muttered, "Holy crap!"
Collin just held it up in his right hand with the chord still hanging from it and Leah's hand still in his left one,
"What do you think, Lee-lee? ….. Marry me?"
It was completely silent for a shocked second as everyone waited on pins and needles to see how she'd respond.
Leah suddenly began nodding enthusiastically as she cried harder than Claire had for sure ever seen her. She'd only seen Leah cry probably twice before.
"Yes!" Leah mumbled tearfully as she used the wrist of her free hand and wiped her snot running from her nose.
She hadn't finished saying it before Collin was standing again and sweeping her into his arms in a crushing hug that pulled her off her feet and then kissing her excitedly as he laughed so that he kept having to smooch her between chuckles and everyone around them screamed and cheered.
Claire didn't realize she was standing frozen, so transfixed from the sight, she still had one hand in the air from where it'd paused when she reached for her hair right as Collin had dropped to a knee.
When someone knocked into her as they moved to hug Leah and Collin, Claire suddenly animated again, dropping her hand as her heart seemed to plummet along with it.
She had never in her life been so happy for someone while simultaneously experiencing absolute undiluted jealousy coursing through her tainting everything about it.
It was an ugly feeling and she absolutely hated it. She wanted nothing to do with it and yet she couldn't stop the way her stomach churned, and her lungs burned until she felt like she couldn't breathe.
Leah was getting married.
Leah was having a baby and marrying the love of her life and it was all happening there right in front of her. Their happiness exuding in almost tangible waves.
She thought she might faint as the cheers and screams of celebrations started to fade to a dull buzzing in her ears and her vision started to tunnel into a dark haze. She suddenly panicked when she thought about what would happen if she actually collapsed right there in the middle of Leah's proposal when she felt something warm hit her arm. She finally looked away from Leah only a few feet in front of her and snapped her head up to realize that Bennett had grabbed her and was looking at her with questioning confusion. She wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed her melting down since she couldn't hear over the ringing in her ears and she couldn't seem to look away from Bennett's face before she whispered desperately,
"….. I need to get out of here."
He didn't even question her before he nodded his head and then bent over and picked up both towels at once. He was leading her away from the fire with her hand in his as he grabbed her bag off the ground and everyone else was still fighting their way to congratulate the newly engaged couple.
No one even noticed as they ran off together and Claire tried not to look back. She knew exactly where Quil was, standing next to Collin, pounding his back as he hugged him completely oblivious to another wolf brother becoming exactly what he had once promised to be with Claire.
She didn't want to see anymore, but she couldn't help herself before Bennett helped her up the rocks and they ran for his car.
They were gone before Quil even looked over to find her.
*Author's Note*
I'm gonna be honest with you guys, a HUGE part of the reason it's taken me so long to update this installment again was this chapter. It's a pretty extremely emotional chapter for me... it was hard when I wrote it and it's hard looking back and I literally had to get to a mental space where I was okay to even work on it since it needed a good bit of revising before it was ready and honestly it was too emotional for me to even touch it for months! Ugh, the imprinting story!? I'll be honest, Claire completely surprised me with that one when I was writing it... like I should be in these characters' heads by now but they are definitely in mine and Claire has always been one who surprised me (Quil is much more consistent and dependable that way but Claire is definitely my wildcard! Case in point, the moment she asked Quil to leave because she wants to date Bennett and he just tried to kiss her? Surprised both me AND Quil with that one...) and that entire imprinting story felt like this massive shocking reveal that fits so true to her character! Of course even at two years old Claire actually saw Quil before he saw her! Of course she felt that connection (and acknowledged it!) before he'd even actually imprinted on her! That's so Claire and I didn't have it planned at all, she just sort of sprung that out at me while I was writing it and I wonder if I'll ever be able to read this chapter without tearing up! Ugh, and Gracie following girl-code to ask Claire if she can ask out Quil!? The pain was so so real... yeah, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at this chapter without tearing up!
Anyways... that was a whole ramble but I hope you enjoyed it, and even with as much as I have going on right now, I do plan to keep updating Realization so make sure you follow and fave if you haven't already. Also make sure to find me on instagram where we can much easier keep up with each other (at writer_jessica_summer is my handle), the Saga Fiction app is live now in both the app store and the play store and Bound by Fate will be releasing the first two episodes (and then more episodes daily) in just twelve short days and I cannot wait for that version to get out there!
Thanks for sticking with me for so so long! I truly appreciate it!
xoxo,
Jess