Max
I hope your trip to the Grand Canyon was everything Ms. Chase hoped it would be. It was great to see you again. I didn't realize it had been so long. I guess time has a way of getting away from me out here. It's good to know that you're doing better. I know things were hard for a while.
I put some real thought into that book idea of yours. But while I can admit I was pretty conflicted about a story based on what happened to Arcadia Bay, I think it's worth pursuing. I'm happy to help however I can. Write up a rough outline of how you want the story to go and send it to me when you get a chance. I'll go over it and let you know what I think.
That said, I should probably point out that my time in the Army was spent in the infantry. Our role is to take and hold ground. Doing so successfully means operating as part of a large force. As such, much of my training wouldn't be relevant to your character's situation. She would be operating on her own. From a purely military perspective, the kind of tactics that would apply there would fall more into the realm of insurgent warfare.
Don't be discouraged by that. A small group of prepared and motivated individuals can accomplish a lot. This is especially true when any opposing forces present don't know to expect them. History is full of examples. I can recommend a few books on the subject that you might find helpful.
Let me know if you have any other questions. I'll certainly try to answer them as best I can.
David Madsen
"I feel ridiculous. I feel ridiculous that I spent the weekend writing a plot outline for a fake novel, and I feel ridiculous writing you a fake email about it when you're sitting right next to me."
"Such is the artist's struggle. Now get back to work."
"You're not my fake boss, Victoria."
"No, I'm your fake editor. And you have fake deadlines to meet."
"What was that? I should send you a singing clown telegram while you're at work?"
"Don't start a war you can't win, Caulfield."
Hey Max,
So I went over the outline again. I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I wanted to take some time to think about it. You asked me to be honest, and that's what I'm going to do.
First off, although I wasn't sure how I'd feel about the premise, I was surprised to find that I really liked the way you've approached it. You're not the only one to fantasize about being able to go back and save Arcadia Bay but giving the main character time powers instead of a time machine is an interesting twist.
That said, you'll need to make some big changes if you're going to get a publisher interested, because everything else is an unholy disaster. Seriously, I want to print it out so I can run it through a shredder and dump holy water on the pieces.
We can talk more later.
TTFN,
Victoria
"Was the holy water comment really necessary?"
"Maybe if you'd actually put in some effort, it wouldn't have been."
"It was a fake outline for a fake book! It's not like I'm ever going to get it published!"
"See, it's that attitude that's hampering your creativity."
"You know what? I'm taking your name out of the fake dedication."
"Now that's just unprofessional."
Max
Relative to the level of direct opposition she may encounter, you may want to consider whether or not your main character is capable of operating under the threat of an active engagement.
Worth thinking about.
David Madsen
Hi David,
...what?
,Max
Max
How likely is it that she'll end up in a fight, and can she handle it if she does?
As an aside, while I appreciate your efforts to include an army veteran, the character you're describing seems like he's still struggling to adapt to civilian life. I've known a lot of veterans like that. Calling them inflexible would be a massive understatement.
I'd strongly recommend rethinking whether you want to introduce that character into the story.
David Madsen
"I can't believe I've never seen this before. Me and Chloe loved Buffy. How did I not know that the guy who did that made other shows?"
"And here I thought everyone had heard of Firefly. I take it you approve?"
"Totally. It's so good! How many seasons did they make?"
"Um..."
Victoria: Do you have plans Saturday night? The gallery is holding an event for our new artist's showcase.
Max: Anyone good?
Victoria: Not really. Some pretentious bitch from Everett who takes pictures of old boats. But there's gonna be free food and an open bar. Are you in or not?
Max: That does sound fun, but I'm meeting a friend for dinner.
Victoria: You have other friends?
Max: Very funny. Yes, I have other friends. Her name is Kristen. I've known her since eighth grade.
Victoria: Bring her along.
Max: Oh, no. Very bad idea.
Victoria: But no one will know her. Get her to dress all bohemian, then we'll all get buzzed on expensive wine and introduce her to people as 'the decade's next visionary' or something.
Victoria: All she has to do is call boat-bitch's work 'part of the old paradigm', then be passive-aggressive to art scene bottom feeders when they try to agree with her.
Victoria: It'll be hilarious.
Max: I'm serious. There is no way I'm introducing Kristen to you.
Victoria: Well, shit. I didn't realize I was some shameful secret.
Max: That's not what I mean. Meeting Kris would probably be super awkward for you. She saw a video of you testifying against Jefferson last year and she's had this weirdly intense hero-worship thing going on ever since.
Victoria: Well, at least she has good taste.
Hi David,
Why didn't you say that the first time?
As she's written now, she'd probably get her ass kicked. I'll try to work on that.
Regarding the veteran, I hear what you're saying, but I really feel like that character has the potential for development.
,Max
"Hey, welcome to Golden Gloves. I'm Chris."
"Max. Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too, Max. What can I help you with?"
"Do you guys have beginner's classes?"
"We sure do! We actually have a bunch of great cardio, aerobic, and boxing-integrated HIIT classes, including a women-only class every Tuesday and Th-"
"This is a boxing gym, right?"
"That's right."
"As in, where you hit people with your fists?"
"Heh...yeah, basically."
"Okay. I'm going to be straight with you. When I was in high school, I was abducted by a man who tied me up in his basement so he could take creepy pictures of me. I was down there for almost twelve hours before the cops came."
"Uh..."
"And if someone ever tries to do something like that to me again, I want to make them regret the day they were born."
"..."
"Do you think you can help me with that, Chris?"
"...damn. Okay, first we're gonna want to set you up with a good pair of wrist wraps..."
Max
Fighting is extremely physically taxing, and most fights last well under a minute. With that in mind, remember to be realistic about what we can expect from the character. She'd probably be much better off avoiding danger than courting it.
I disagree on the veteran, as written. I think publishers will as well.
David Madsen
Kristen: We still on for tonight?
Max: Yup.
Kristen: Yay! It feels like I haven't seen you in forever!
Max: Sorry. I guess I have been busy lately.
Kristen: Obvs. What's the deal? You join a cult or something?
Max: Oh, I didn't realize that was a serious question. No, I did not join a cult.
Kristen: Not even one of those not-a-cult cults like Amway?
Max: Not even one of those. I've mostly been spending time with an old friend.
Kristen: You have other friends?
Max: Why do people keep asking me that? Yes I do, you smartass.
Kristen: Like an actual friend? Not just some side floozy?
Kristen: Not that I'm judging! We all need a little somethin' sometimes!
Max: lol holy fuck Victoria is NOT my side floozy!
Kristen: Victoria?
Kristen: Who's Victoria?
Kristen: That wouldn't by some chance be Victoria Chase, would it?
Kristen: Max?
Kristen: Answer me, Max.
Max: Maybe?
Kristen: You said you didn't have her number!
Max: That was over a year ago! We only reconnected a couple of months ago.
Kristen: Months?! MONTHS?!
Kristen: Why didn't you tell me?!
Max: This! This is exactly why! Because I knew you'd go all crazy fangirl!
Kristen: You need to give me her number!
Max: I definitely don't.
Kristen: I'm gonna get that number, Max. :)
Max: This is where restraining orders start!
"It's simple, Max. Just say 'never have I ever', then a thing you've never done. If I have done it, I take a drink."
"Why?"
"Because it's the world's most passive aggressive way to learn embarrassing things about your friends. Here, I'll go first. Never have I ever...oh, I don't know...driven a car through a garage door."
"..."
"Your mom tells the best stories. Drink up."
"Hey, it's Captain Max. Been a while."
"Hi, Jakob. How've you been?"
"Oh, you know. Keepin' on keepin' on. And, uh...I was real sorry when I heard about Chloe. You doing okay?"
"I'm...working on it."
"Fair. So, it's been, what, a year since you got your ink? You looking to book a touch-up?"
"Actually, I want to add to it."
"Got the bug, eh? Right on. Your mom do up another killer design for you?"
"I was hoping you could help me with this one. You remember Chloe's tattoo, right? The full sleeve one?"
"With the ribbon and roses? Totally."
"Good. That's the theme I want. Think you can work with that?"
"Hell yeah I can. When did you want t-"
"As soon as possible, please."
"Hmm. Alright, I'll throw some ideas together. Gimme a week?"
"No problem. Thanks, Jakob."
"Anytime, El Capitan."
Max: I might have accidentally let it slip to Kristen that we've been hanging out.
Max: Not that we're roommates, though. Thank god.
Victoria: So?
Max: So now she won't stop bugging me for your phone number!
Victoria: Then give it to her.
Victoria: Actually, hold on. Send me her number instead.
Max: Why? What are you going to do?
Victoria: There's only one way to find out, isn't there?
Max: ...
Max: [contact_info/Kristen]
Max: I'm such a terrible friend. (-_-)
"Seriously, why can't I just warn people about the storm?"
"How would you do that, exactly? You planning on going door-to-door, telling everyone the sky is falling?"
"Of course not."
"Because all that's going to do is get a lot of doors slammed in your face."
"You come up with something, then!"
"Look, I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I just don't know how you'd manage it on your own."
"Call the cops and make a bomb threat?"
"For the whole town? I think even Arcadia Bay PD would call shenanigans on that one."
Max
Evacuating the town is a good idea in principle. I agree with Ms. Chase, though. There would have to be one hell of a motivator to get everyone up and moving. I'm not sure it'd be feasible with the resources available.
David Madsen
"For the last motherfucking time, clean your hair out the fucking shower drain you disgusting animal!"
"Good morning, Victoria. Want some toast with that unnecessary hostility?"
"You want to see hostility, Max?"
"Not really."
"Force me to go fishing for another one of your loathsome hairballs! Then I'll show you some fucking hostility!"
"We both use the same shower, you know."
"Nice try, but the hair clogging the drain isn't short and it sure as hell isn't blonde. This one is on you, Katniss."
"Yeah? Then why don't we talk about the gum, hm? Whose fault is that?"
"That's...this isn't about me!"
"Nuh-uh. You started this, and long hair doesn't clog up drains nearly as often if some weirdo isn't constantly chewing gum in the shower. I actually remember stepping on chewed gum in the Blackwell showers a couple of times, but I never thought it was you! What's up with that?"
"I...I just have to, okay?"
"You have to."
"If I don't I start..."
"I didn't quite catch that."
"I said I start singing, alright? And once I start, I don't want to stop, and then I take forever and end up being late to stuff."
"..."
"What?"
"You chew gum in the shower to keep from serenading yourself?"
"It's not that weird."
"Speaking as your time-travelling hipster roommate, it's pretty weird."
"Whatever. I'm just saying that if you want there to be any hot water left when I'm done, you'll let me chew my gum in peace."
"As long as you spit it in the toilet or something. Otherwise the clogged drains are your problem."
Max: I don't think a little respect is too much to ask, is it?
Max: This isn't even her book. I'm the writer here. I'm the one who's putting all the work in.
Max: So what if it isn't perfect? It's a work-in-progress! I've never written a book before!
Max: I guarantee that every great author in history started out with trash.
Max: It takes time to build something out of nothing!
Max: I bet no one ever told Jane Austen her earliest drafts were literary clusterfucks!
Max: Actually someone almost definitely did at some point but whatever.
Max: But god forbid I actually say as much!
Max: Or even suggest that she tone down her attitude a little.
Max: Because then she'll just give me that damn look of hers.
Max: Like somehow, I'm the one who's being unreasonable.
Max: It just drives me so crazy sometimes.
Max: Do you know what I mean?
Fernando: Ma'am, this is a Wendy's
"Never have I ever pretended my birthday was in November, for some reason, when it was really in August."
"..."
"Well, birthday girl?"
"Oh, just pour me the fucking drink."
"Uh-huh. You know, you can sit there pretending you're annoyed, but I'd rather go mini-golfing while we're still sober-ish."
"Oh, please. Mini golf is for kids."
"Do you want to bullshit the time-traveler, or do you want to go get your favorite putter out of the closet?"
"..."
"I'm waiting."
"...I'll be right back."
Hey Max,
Good news! You've graduated from unholy disaster to regular disaster! There's hope for this thing yet!
However, while the idea of using the emergency broadcast system to warn everyone in town is neat and all, it's also totally unrealistic.
First, how the hell would she accomplish that? It's not like they'll just let her walk into a TV station and hit the button. Second, even if she did, how many people would actually pay attention? Third, even if people pay do attention, most of them will just check the weather forecast and decide the message is fake anyway.
Basically, it's a dumb idea, you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it, and the fact that you did makes me want to confiscate your keyboard forever.
TTFN,
Victoria
"Seriously? The emergency broadcast system wasn't that bad an idea!"
"The FBI might disagree."
"The FBI is not reading our email!"
"You don't know that. What if they are, hm? I don't want my reputation tarnished."
"So you're willing to throw me under the bus? Over a fake book?"
"Shouldn't you have a little pride in your fake book?"
"Someone at the FBI is going to think I'm the worst writer ever."
"Yeah, because the FBI is totally known for its artistic vision."
Max and Ms. Chase
The emergency broadcast system actually isn't that bad of an idea. It's a fairly reliable way to get in touch with a lot of people very quickly. Every county in the US already has the infrastructure in place for it. Ms. Chase does make a good point about verification, however. If the broadcast is immediately discredited then people would be even less likely to believe any subsequent warnings.
There's also the question of finding a way to access and activate it. Might be too much of a stretch to be believable.
David Madsen
Victoria: Is the concept of subtlety completely lost on you?
Max: I think you're overreacting.
Victoria: Overreacting?!
Victoria: Didn't we agree that you shouldn't attract too much attention in 2013?
Victoria: Because I'm pretty sure you said 'You're right, Victoria. I should do everything I can to look the same as I did in the past, because the fewer questions I have to answer about my technically-almost-twenty-one-years-old appearance, the better off I'll be. I'm so lucky to have you here to think of these things'.
Victoria: Or did I just hallucinate that entire conversation?
Max: I'm pretty sure I never said that last part.
Victoria: It was in the subtext. Do you remember it or not?
Victoria: Well?
Max: Yes, I remember.
Victoria: That's interesting. Because I'd love to know how your brain took the concept of looking as much like your eighteen-year-old self as possible and figured that meant getting a fucking half-sleeve tattoo!
Max: It was in the subtext?
"Never have I ever used time travel to steal an answer about the Daguerreian process from a classmate so I could pass it off as my own."
"...pour it."
"I knew it! I fucking knew it!"
Hi Max/David
I've been going over the part where the main character lures her abusive teacher (Seriously, Max, when are you going to start giving these people actual names?) out to the woods with some phone call, and I just don't think it makes sense. And even if he did come out, wouldn't he be expecting a trap?
My suggestion is to let him grab the bitchy high school girl who's been practically hanging off him. As long as the police are waiting for him, she'll be safe and he'll be caught in the act. It's perfect.
Think it over and let me know.
TTFN,
Victoria
"No fucking way!"
"I asked you to think it over, Max. Not kick my bedroom door in and yell at me ten seconds after you get my email."
"Alright, fine. Hmmm...ohhhh...how interesting..."
"There's no need to be patroniz-"
"Shush, Victoria. I'm thinking. Ah, yes...quite...fascinating. Okay, I'm done. Want to know what I think?"
"Gee, I bet I can guess."
"No fucking way!"
Ms. Chase
I can see what you mean. That would definitely make for a dramatic and dangerous scene. But you need to remember that Max is going for as much realism as possible. The risks in a situation like that would be very serious. She could easily be badly hurt or even killed.
Honestly, I'm not sure the readers would believe it if she weren't.
David Madsen
Hello David,
Max has to be willing to put her characters in harm's way. That's the kind of thing that good storytelling is about. Besides, isn't saving damsels in distress what heroes are for?
And you're allowed to use my first name, FFS.
TTFN,
Victoria
Ms. Chase
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.
Regards,
Mr. Madsen
Nobody likes a smartass, Dave.
-V
Play nice, children.
,Max
"I'm serious. I really, really don't like this idea."
"You don't have to."
"I can't just use you as bait. It's wrong."
"Well, unless you've willing to..."
"I'm not killing him."
"I was going to say, 'put him down like the fucking animal he is', but whatever."
"We've been over this. I want him in prison."
"Then using me as bait is the only sure way to put him there, and you know it."
"Come on. There has to be..."
"Jefferson has to take me because the police have to catch him in the act. Without me, all the other evidence is circumstantial."
"That can't be true."
"The prosecutor walked me through the whole thing before I testified. Trust me, it is."
"But...what if something happens?"
"Then I'll just have to count on you swooping in to save my ass, won't I?"
"Fine. I still don't like the idea."
"Noted. But just to be clear, no matter what happens, saving is the only thing you're allowed to do to my ass."
"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?!"
Max: What do you think about Hannah?
Victoria: Who's Hannah?
Victoria: Is Hannah the tall redhead you work with who keeps giving me extra whipped cream?
Victoria: Because she's not my type.
Max: No, that's Jennifer. And she has a boyfriend.
Victoria: Of course she does.
Max: I thought she wasn't your type? ;)
Victoria: FFS, Max. Look at her. She's everybody's type.
Max: ANYWAY! What do you think of Hannah as a name for my main character?
Victoria: That's not bad, actually. It feels like it fits.
Max: Right?
[Unknown Number]: So, I heard you've been asking about me.
Kristen: Hoo dis?
[Unknown Number]: And with spelling like that, I'm curious as to why I should care.
Kristen: Oh, my deepest apologies. Pray tell, whilst thou giveth thine name?
[Unknown Number]: This is Victoria Chase, Kristen. Max Caulfield gave me your number.
[Unknown Number]: So far, I'm not impressed.
=NEW CONTACT CREATED=
Kristen: OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Sorry that you were rude? Or sorry that you were rude to me?
Kristen: Either? Both?
Kristen: lol You choose! :D
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Tell me something, Kristen.
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Do you really think I messaged you so I could answer my own questions?
Kristen: No?
Kristen: Sorry, I mean no.
Kristen: Of course you didn't.
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Of course I didn't.
Kristen: So...why did you message me?
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Why do you think?
Kristen: Hey! You said we shouldn't be answering our own questions! ;)
Kristen: Hello?
Kristen: Alright FINE.
Kristen: I guess that's not TECHNICALLY what you said.
Kristen: But I think we can agree it's more or less what you said. :P
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Which one is it, then?
Kristen: What?
Victoria Freaking Chase! : What do you want me to agree to, Kristen?
Victoria Freaking Chase! : More?
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Or less?
Kristen: Ummmmm
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Or am I back to answering my own questions?
Kristen: MORE!
Kristen: I WANT MORE!
Victoria Freaking Chase! : See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
Kristen: No, ma'am!
Victoria Freaking Chase! : Good girl.