better than revenge – taylor swift
"she's not a saint, she's not what you think."
Sofia didn't know if it was luck or Travers's natural god-given stupidity but after a week, absolutely no fingers had been pointed at her.
She was almost sure that he at least kind of suspected she had something to do with what happened but he didn't seem sure enough to do anything yet. Especially with the recent scrutiny he'd faced for using dark magic on Sofia. Not to mention, he was pretty busy with some very desperate damage control with his friends that was very much failing.
She had done it somehow. She was absolutely cruising. Until...
"I know you did it."
Sofia froze over her cauldron. She looked at Regulus, working on his own potion a few feet away from her. "Did what?"
"Don't play dumb."
She continued working, calmly. "I don't know what you're talking about, Black."
"I think you do. I saw you making that Veritaserum last week. You hid it well but I'd recognise those ingredients anywhere."
"You saw me with some ingredients that could theoretically be used to make Veritaserum, yes. I don't know what that has to do with anything."
He continued talking as if he hadn't heard her. "I don't suppose the rest was too hard, Travers is not a bad wizard but you could probably take him, especially if you had help. Other than the Veritaserum, I found the forgetting part most impressive really. It was a clever touch. I didn't even realise until much later."
Sofia fumed silently, but she didn't answer. She was not about to incriminate herself.
"Calm down, I'm not going to tell on you. It's just the Oblivating Spell that keeps bugging me. I've seen you in Charms class, you're good, but not nearly good enough to be able to cast that spell properly. You had help, didn't you? ...My brother helped you. Didn't he?"
"I don't have to answer to you."
Regulus sighed. "No... I suppose you don't. I guess I thought you might feel inclined to answer my questions since it was my Housemate you hurt."
Sofia looked at him with a scoff. "So that's what this is about?" Her face contorted into a mocking pout. "You're worried your little blood supremacist friend got hurt by the evil Mudblood bitch?"
Regulus wasn't particularly amused. He scoffed. "I can't fucking believe you're the only person I haven't lied to about my feelings towards Muggles and you still taunt me with that."
His tone wasn't accusing, just... genuinely incredulous. That made Sofia pause. She thought back to their argument at the Durmstrang infirmary when he'd said she was being unfair.
Sofia sighed deeply, tried to calm herself down. She didn't really want to fight with him. In fact, despite what she had been telling herself, she wished that they could be... not fighting all the time.
She figured maybe the truth was the best course of action here. Was it the smartest course of action though? Questionable. "You told me you don't hate Muggles. Which is great, I guess. But your actions don't align with those beliefs. You say you don't hate Muggles, but you're still friends with people who do, you still do nothing to stop discrimination against Muggles. That, Black, is the definition of hypocrisy. And I can't be friends with someone like that. I know that you thought we were... semi-acquaintances, and honestly, I did too. But I just can't do it. I can't."
His shoulders slumped. He seemed tired beyond his years. "And I can't just change my entire way of thinking, of viewing the world just like that. I was... raised a certain way, and just being... friendly with you has changed a lot for me. I can't be what you expect right now, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to still be your... semi-acquaintance."
He said it slowly as if the words were being drawled out of him on a string. Sofia might not have known Regulus all that well, but she knew that that must have cost him a lot to say. And that meant enough for her to not want to be a bitch to him.
She took a breath and let herself relax, she turned to him and looked at him softly. "Regulus... you're a great potioneer, and when you're not being a dick, I've actually appreciated your feedback on potions and if you ever mention this again I will actually kill you, but I've had fun picking potions ingredients with you. And I guess... you're not terrible to be around, as a person, generally speaking," she paused, wishing her next words could be different. "And I wish... that we could be straight up – okay, maybe not friends, but friendly."
She picked her next word carefully. "But you know, my little sister, she's barely twelve, and she's scared shitless that one day one of my schoolmates will hurt me, bad, or even kill me. Years ago, she saw a wizard in Diagon Alley taunting me about how Mudblood scum like me shouldn't be allowed to exist and even though I wanted to keep her as far as possible from this... fucked-up world, I had to explain to her, that there were some wizards that thought Muggleborns stole magic from them and shouldn't be a part of the Wizarding World.
"I never tell my family about what I go through in this goddamned school but there are things that I just can't hide sometimes. My sister saw what Travers did to me, she saw the wounds, and she knew. She knew a blood purist had done this to me. I could talk your ear off about how fucking scared I constantly am not just for myself, but for my family. And I'm not trying to get your pity, but I need you to see that I am not being unfair, in fact, I think I've been more than fair. I did think we could be friends, but I can't. Not like this."
She ran a hand through her face and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.
Regulus looked solemn. But he didn't look her in the eye.
Before he could say anything, Sofia picked up her things and left the room. Whatever he might say back to her, she didn't want to hear it. She couldn't hear it. She couldn't risk him maybe changing her mind.
Sofia didn't attend Potions class over the next week and a bit. She also avoided Regulus like the plague. She couldn't even convince herself whether she should've told him what she did, but it was too late now. She had said it and she didn't want to deal with him anymore.
It was very much a relief when she reached the last day of class before winter break.
She considered not attending Slughorn's Christmas party. But she had talked herself into going, after convincing herself she needed to start damage control for all the classes she'd missed while avoiding Regulus lately. She had also avoided Slughorn a lot, but she figured she should at least figure out where she stood with the professor before going on break, so she could have time to think of what to do to get on his good graces again.
She did her makeup and stuck various pins in her hair. She wore a simple sequined blue dress she'd worn for New Year last year, as she found dress robes to be ridiculous garments.
With the promise of leaving after the food was served, she dragged Sirius to the party in Slughorn's office.
Professor Slughorn beamed as he spotted Sofia. "Oh Miss Bessonova, are you feeling better? I didn't think you'd come."
Sofia hid her surprise. "Uh... yeah, yeah, I'm feeling much better, sir. Thank you for asking."
"Of course, dear. I have no doubt you'll catch up with your work in no time."
Sofia nodded and the professor excused himself to go talk to some of his odd guests.
"Were you sick and didn't tell me?" Sirius asked.
Sofia rolled her eyes. "I guess um, Chloe covered for me and forgot to tell me."
She should've just said Regulus must've covered for her. She knew that was probably the case. And she hated lying to Sirius, but she couldn't bring herself to say it.
They headed over to a table.
Dinner hadn't been served yet but Sirius brought over an assortment of finger food, which she happily devoured. She'd be lying if she said the food at this event wasn't part of the reason why she decided to attend.
"I think these might be laced with unicorn horn dust," Sirius said as he finished the canapés off his plate.
"Unicorn horn dust?" Sofia frowned.
"It's like wizard coke."
Sofia burst into laughter. "Want some more?"
Sirius looked at her with pleading eyes. "I would love you forever if you somehow found more. People were fighting over them when I went."
Sofia smiled. "I'll do my best."
Sirius was right. There were still a few other things at the snack table but the space where the cocaine canapés had been was ravaged. She looked around to see if any of the waiters with the trays carried any.
She was walking over to a waiter when someone took her by the arm and pulled her behind a dividing curtain cutting them off from the rest of the party.
Sofia looked up to see Regulus freaking Black. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I need to talk to you."
She turned on her heel. "Well, I don't."
He took her arm again. "Please. Just quickly."
Sofia didn't think she'd ever heard him say please before. She was slightly intrigued. She didn't really want to talk to him, but she was feeling generous, maybe it was the wizard coke. "Fucking fine."
He was momentarily surprised at how easy she'd given in. "I... I just, I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me. And... I know that there is nothing I can say that will make things better, as much as I wish there was. So, I guess I just wanted to say that I understand. And... and I'm sorry."
All Sofia could think about was that his hand was still on her arm and the speed her heart had picked up. What the fuck was wrong with her? She nodded once. "Sorry about what?"
He gave her a deep look that almost made Sofia shiver. "That this is the best I can give you. That this is happening to you. I don't know... I'm just, I'm sorry."
Sofia didn't know what to make of that. She swallowed and stayed quiet for a moment. She licked her lips. She nodded slowly, once. She knew it was just her brain being stupid but she could barely focus on what he had said. He had a tender look in his eyes that Sofia had never seen before. It looked good on him. It made Sofia think he was being honest.
She unintentionally gravitated towards him, she felt as if those piercing grey eyes were drawing her in and refused to let go.
The curtain shielding them flew open and Regulus let go of Sofia. The spot where he had touched her was still warm. He looked away from her and cleared his throat.
"You little fucking slut," a shrill voice exclaimed.
Sofia finally turned to see who had interrupted them. Girl Travers. Had Regulus come here with her? Of fucking course.
"Are you talking to me?" Sofia asked, feigning confusion.
"Who the hell else would I be talking to, Bessonova?" Eliana shrieked.
Sofia shrugged. "Well, that seems like kind of a mean thing to say to your date, but I guess I wouldn't put it past you."
Eliana was positively fuming. "I told you to stay away from him."
Before Sofia could retort, Regulus spoke. "You can't control who I speak to, Eliana."
Eliana looked at Regulus as if he had just slapped her. "But—but she's a... floozy! Didn't you hear about what she did to Hunter Braun?"
Sofia tensed. Was Travers seriously bringing that up?
Regulus frowned but he looked like he didn't want to give in to Eliana's questioning so he didn't say anything.
Eliana took Regulus's silence as prompting. "She cheated on him! She strung him along while she was sleeping with a slew of other guys! I don't want her to do the same to you! I saw the look on her face just now, she wanted to snog your face off."
Sofia wanted to punch Travers in the face. Regulus looked shell-shocked, Sofia started to freak out. Obviously what Eliana was saying was ridiculous. Sofia had not looked like wanted to snog Regulus's face off. Nope. Absolutely not. Normally, she would just dismiss Travers's claims, but for some reason, she felt extremely defensive in front of Regulus. She laughed. "Believe me, Travers, I'd rather kiss the Giant Squid. Black is the last person on this castle that I'm aiming to seduce. Well, except for your brother, I wouldn't go near him with a ten-foot pole."
Eliana's jaw dropped comically. "Fuck you, my brother is a catch! He's been told he looks like Gudin Lockhart!"
Sofia wanted to cackle. Male Travers did not look like wizarding sweetheart Gudin Lockhart. "Gudin Lockhart? Gudin Lockhart? You know who your brother really looks like? The love-child between Kettleburn and a hippogriff, that's who he looks like."
"Shut up! My brother is hot!"
"Did you just call your brother hot?"
Eliana flushed furiously. "We're a hot family!"
Regulus took a step between them before they could continue arguing. "Okay, come on. Eliana, let's just go."
Eliana glared at Sofia but she let herself be ushered off by Regulus.
Sofia shook her head. What the hell had that argument even been? She went back out and walked over to her table again.
Sirius noticed her empty hands but didn't say anything.
Sofia stared after Regulus and Eliana, who were both sitting a few tables away, not looking at each other.
"You okay?" Sirius asked.
Sofia nodded. "Yeah... just, had a really weird conversation with Girl Travers."
Sirius frowned in worry. "She doesn't think...?"
He didn't finish the thought but Sofia understood. She shook her head. "Nah, she's not smart enough to figure it out," she said in a low voice.
She cleared her throat, it was better not to risk talking about that out in the open.
James Potter slid into the seat next to Sofia. "So, Bessie, I heard you're stealing dear Padfoot away to Mother Russia."
Sofia rolled her eyes but very much welcomed the distraction from that encounter with Regulus. "I would've figured you were used to it by now. And you know the deal, you get him on Christmas and I get him on New Year's."
"You've never taken him out of the country before though, I thought I might've been consulted on the matter," James joked.
Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes playfully. "What are you guys? My divorced parents?"
But Sofia could tell that as always, he was happy to have his friends offer a place to stay during the holidays.
James snorted. "If we were, I might actually get a fair custody agreement, not just the crumbs Bess lets me have."
"Hardly my fault he likes me better than you, Potter," Sofia replied.
James grabbed her arm and said in a low voice, barely able to contain his laughter. "Honey, not in front of the kid."
Sirius slid down on his seat, cringing but couldn't help laughing along with James.
Sofia sighed and leaned her head on Sirius's shoulder, hiding her face. She needed to hide her shame. Because she couldn't stop thinking about Regulus Black and those lingering stares.
AN: Spare review ma'am?