falling – florence + the machine

"sometimes i wish for falling, i wish for the release

...

it's only when i hit the ground that causes all the grief"

Sofia must've fallen asleep because when she opened her eyes again she was snuggled up to Regulus and she shivered as snowflakes fell on her skin.

Regulus shifted and sat up beside her, still close enough to provide some body heat though. Sofia flushed as she remembered the snogging session they'd engaged in right before she fell asleep.

"We can't stay here all night, the heating spells aren't enough. You're shivering, and it's starting to snow," he said.

Sofia wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe you should send out that distress signal. Maybe the wards you put up will protect us if any predators happen to notice us."

"Are you sure?"

Sofia nodded.

Regulus raised his wand and sent out a flurry of red sparks from his wand. Then he turned to her and rubbed her arms up and down to give her some warmth. And they waited.

Sofia checked her wristwatch. It was almost four in the morning.

She started to think no one was coming after a half-hour passed. She had burrowed into Regulus again, her only source of warmth. He almost provided enough warmth that she wished they could stay like that for longer.

Then she heard leaves rustling and a large figure emerged from the trees. Hagrid.

Sofia sighed in relief. Then she saw the much smaller figure next to Hagrid. Filch.

Hagrid hurried towards them. "Bess? What are you two doing out here? Are you alright?"

There was genuine concern in his voice. Unlike Filch, who just glared at them.

"Does that man not sleep?" Regulus whispered to Sofia, nodding towards Filch.

Sofia smiled.

Hagrid reached them and looked them both over for injuries.

"We're okay, Hagrid," said Sofia. "Just lost."

"You were lucky Mr Filch was patrolling outside, saw your signal, and came to get me."

Hagrid offered Sofia a hand and she stood.

"Come on, let's get you inside. You must be freezing out here," Hagrid said.

"Not so fast," Filch blocked their path, still snarling. "Empty your pockets."

Sofia tensed. She discreetly slipped the vial of venom out of her bag. "Why?"

"I said empty your pockets!"

She made a show of removing the strap of her bag over her head and slipped the vial into her shirt. She handed her bag over.

Filch rummaged through it. He held out the Marauder's Map. It looked like a regular piece of blank parchment though. "What is this?"

"It's a piece of parchment," Sofia said, matter-of-fact.

Filch glared at her. "You expect me to believe you snuck in here with only a blank piece of parchment? What is this?"

"It's just parchment! I was going to do some homework!"

"With no quill? I'm confiscating this until I figure out what this is."

"You can't just take that, it's mine!" Sofia cried.

"If it's just a piece of parchment, you can get another one, can't you?"

Sofia ground her teeth but she was too tired to argue further.

Hagrid pushed her forwards softly. "Come on, you two."

Once they reached the edge of the forest, Filch went ahead of them and Sofia unsuccessfully tried to get Hagrid to not tell Dumbledore about this whole ordeal. Or at least wait until the morning, so they at least could get their story straight. Sofia's brain felt too muddled to think of something at the moment.

But no such luck. Hagrid led them directly to Dumbledore's office, where the Headmaster was already waiting for them.

"Thank you very much, Hagrid. I can take it from here," Dumbledore said.

He asked Sofia and Regulus to sit down as Hagrid left.

"So, what were you doing out in the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night?" Dumbledore asked.

Sofia and Regulus shared a nervous look. She needed to tell him something that might be able to minimise the damage without somehow incriminating Regulus. She blurted out the first thing she thought of. "It was my fault, professor. He told me it wasn't a good idea but I... I wanted to see him without any wandering stares for once and I thought a moonlit walk along the forest was a good idea. But we got really lost."

Sofia didn't look at Regulus as she said this. She didn't want to see his reaction.

She tried to adopt a tone that sounded just pleading enough not to sound fake. "Please... you have to understand, professor. It's just so hard to maintain a relationship when you're in Houses with such deep-rooted rivalries." She took Regulus's hand. "Our friends would never understand and I know that it was wrong but I just really wanted to have a semi-normal date, not just stolen moments in empty hallways."

Dumbledore's face softened and Sofia knew she had him. She dared a look at Regulus, who was staring at her already. He squeezed her hand.

"I understand, Miss Bessonova," Dumbledore said. "We can't choose who we love. But I need you to understand what an extremely dangerous thing was what you did."

"We understand, professor. I swear to you we will never do it again. We've learned our lesson," this bit was sincere.

Dumbledore examined them for a moment. "I assume you saw something in the forest that turned you off from moonlit walks. And I assume that same something was what prompted you to send for help, which was the right thing to do."

Sofia nodded.

"Anything to add, Mr Black?"

"I... I know that Sofia said this was her fault but it was my fault just as much. I should've dissuaded her from going but truthfully I wanted to have some time alone with her too," Regulus said.

His hand was warm in hers, it felt like a lifeline. Sofia dreaded having to let go.

Dumbledore nodded. "Well... as much as the forest has done its job and scared you both straight, you understand that consequences must be faced and I can't let you off without punishment. You will serve detention with me every afternoon at five for the foreseeable future. If I am not available, you will serve it with one of your Heads of House."

Sofia swallowed hard. She had never heard of someone serving their detention with the Headmaster. Dumbledore was nice enough but the prospect seemed scary. "Yes, sir."

Dumbledore waved his wand and conjured two steaming cups of hot cocoa. "Now, take these with you, and go off to bed."

Sofia had not heard sweeter words.

Sofia had absolutely no idea how but by that afternoon, word had spread of her and Regulus's late-night Forbidden Forest trek. Thankfully, none of the versions she heard were what she had told Dumbledore, or the actual truth. In fact, most people thought that they had gone to the forest to engage in a duel. Sofia did not bother to correct anyone.

The only person that Sofia was inclined to clear things up for was Sirius. But she'd awoken too late to catch him at breakfast, and she hadn't spotted him in-between classes either.

She was heading to lunch when she saw him. The third-floor corridor was almost empty, only a few people coming out of Arithmancy class lingered. Sofia and Regulus among them.

Sofia thought that Sirius was heading towards her but he bypassed her and walked straight up to his brother. Sofia's stomach dropped.

Sirius pushed Regulus, smacking him against the wall. Sirius pulled out his wand and pressed it into Regulus's neck. "What the fuck did you do to her, you little shit?"

Regulus glanced over Sirius's shoulder towards Sofia. Sirius shoved Regulus's shoulder. "Don't even fucking look at her. If you don't tell me what you did, Merlin help me."

Sofia came out of her shock and rushed over to Sirius. She took his arm and tried to pull him away. "Sirius, come on. He didn't do anything. It was a misunderstanding. Let's just go."

Sirius looked at her. "No, I knew you wouldn't tell me what really happened, so that's why I'm asking him."

Sofia stepped in-between the two, careful not to even graze Regulus. "I'll tell you what happened. I snuck into the forest to get a potion ingredient I wanted. He was patrolling and he caught me sneaking out of the castle, he followed me into the forest hoping to catch me doing something illicit I assume. We got ambushed by a creature, we got away, but we got lost. That's what happened. Nothing less, nothing more."

Sirius looked at her unsure. "Sofia, if you're trying to cover for him because he's—"

"Why the hell would I be covering for him?" Sofia tried her best to feign disgust. "Come on. I'm your best friend. I don't want you to hex him and get in trouble over nothing. He's not worth it. So, can we just go?"

Sirius seemed to start to stand down. "Fine." He looked back at Regulus. "But if you even come near her again, I'll fuck you up."

Regulus let out a chuckle and it seemed as if Sirius was about to change his mind, but Sofia grabbed his arm and dragged him away. Honestly, Sofia had almost let out a laugh as well, 'I'll fuck you up', what the hell was that even supposed to mean?

Sofia led Sirius to the Great Hall and stopped herself from glancing back at Regulus, she felt awful about what she'd said about him.

They sat with Sirius's friends and Sofia figured it was good a time as any to tell them.

"Filch confiscated the map when they found us last night. I'm sorry. I can help you get it back from his office."

The guys seemed surprised but not angry.

James shrugged. "That's okay, Bessie. We've barely even used it lately. And it's not like we don't all have it memorised."

Remus smiled at her. "Honestly, I'm relieved to be rid of it. I think it's safe with Filch, I doubt he'll ever figure out what it is."

Sirius said nothing about the map. He placed a hand on Sofia's back and whispered, "are you sure everything is okay?"

Sofia once again thought about telling him about her teeny crush on Regulus. Except that it felt like so long had passed, and so many things had happened, that it would be unavoidable for Sirius to be mad she didn't tell him. So she stayed quiet. She nodded. "I'm fine. It was just... a weird night, but I'm completely unscathed. Promise."

Sirius gave her a small smile and finally dug into his food.

Sofia showed up for detention in Dumbledore's office that afternoon not knowing what to expect. Regulus was already there and she tried to catch his eye but he wasn't looking at her.

"You will sort through these files for the next hour," Dumbledore said, pointing out a file cabinet. "I have things to do, so I will leave you two to it. The... door shall remain open and remember Fawkes is watching."

Sofia's eyes went wide as she caught Dumbledore's drift. He was leaving them alone so that they could have a... detention date or something.

The man left and Sofia hurried to the cabinet.

She and Regulus worked in silence for a little while. But it was starting to stress her out.

"Are we still business partners then?" She blurted out.

He didn't look at her. "If you haven't changed your mind, then neither have I."

Sofia could tell by his tone of voice that something was off. It had reverted into that weird monotone formality he'd clung to at the beginning. "I'm sorry about Sirius, he was being too intense earlier."

"You don't have to apologise for him," Regulus said.

Well, Sofia didn't know what to say to that. "I was planning on working on the potions for a little bit after detention."

Regulus nodded firmly. "Okay."

Sofia didn't know what to say anymore. She didn't want to push if he didn't want to talk to her.

They worked quietly and Sofia wondered if he regretted it. Surely he had also thought the snogging had been a teenage hormone-induced lapse in judgement. And maybe it was better this way. They would never kiss again and Sofia would never have to tell Sirius about those two kisses they had shared and everything would be fine.

But Sofia knew in her gut that that was all wishful thinking.

Regulus didn't ignore Sofia for the next couple of weeks. But he certainly became more withdrawn. And he certainly didn't kiss her again. Sofia came close to opening her mouth to try to talk things out more than once. But then she remembered that she had concluded it was better this way. It would save her a lot of heartache in the long run.

Sofia finished the love potions with Regulus's help and the transactions with her customers went over smoothly. Of course, the use of love potions made her feel icky, so as always, she left an anonymous tip to McGonagall about people attempting to use love potions. It was funny really, how none of her love potion customers had ever realised she was the one who told on them.

She had ended up having to throw away her experimental potion. She didn't think it had gone over right and she couldn't test it, but she didn't mind too much. It wasn't like she wanted to go into love potion-making.

Sofia wasn't really planning on heading over to Hogsmeade for Valentine's Day, but Sirius convinced her to go with him and his friends, who were all apparently dateless for it. Remus and Peter didn't usually have dates for Valentine's Day, but James usually went with whichever girl he'd managed to rope once Evans had said no. And Sirius sometimes brought dates as well.

It was probably the first time they were all dateless for Valentine's Day in a while.

The good thing was that most people on dates had opted to go somewhere other than the Three Broomsticks, so the pub was filled with mostly dateless people with a few couples here and there.

Sofia spotted Lily Evans looking – well, not looking so much as glaring at James Potter. Sofia thought that was odd, Evans usually went for ignoring James's existence as much as possible.

Then she realised there was an open mic set up at the front of the pub, some kid was reciting poetry into it.

Sofia pulled a half-eaten burrito out of her bag.

"What is that?" Sirius asked as he nursed his Butterbeer.

"I had to go make the last few deliveries this morning and I didn't finish my breakfast," Sofia said as she bit into it.

Sirius chuckled. "You didn't tell me your mum had sent a care package."

Sofia's mum liked to send her food from time to time. She thought forcing Sofia to eat British food all the time was practically equal to child neglect. Sofia didn't complain, her mum was a good cook. "Well, of course I didn't tell you, you always end up eating most of my food."

"Your mum always says the food she sends is to share! If she knew about this she'd side with me," Sirius said.

Sofia knew he was probably right. "Well, it's too late because this is the last of it."

Sirius gaped at her, offended.

Sofia smiled. She finished her burrito.

Sirius talked with James about something or other and when he laughed, Sofia's heart fluttered. She had never noticed how nice a laugh he had.

She immediately wanted to get closer to him. She wanted to run her hands through his long brown hair and his hands on her. What the fuck was wrong with her?

She stood abruptly. Her heart pounding in her chest. She looked over to the mic raised on the small stage. It was empty. And she needed to do something.

Sirius frowned as he noticed her standing. "Sofia, what are you doing?"

Sofia's hands were shaking as she approached the stage. She normally would never do this, but for Sirius, she would. Because he had to know. Besides, her voice wasn't all that bad.

"Hello everyone, I would like to dedicate this song to someone very special to me. I'm not very good with words but I hope this way he will know how I feel," she spoke softly into the microphone, her eyes never leaving Sirius, who looked shell-shocked.

She took a deep breath.

'Wise men say

Only fools rush in

Oh, but I can't help

Falling in love with you.'

She didn't take her eyes off Sirius as she sang. Her singing voice was deeper than her speaking voice, but she didn't care much how she sounded. She just hoped he knew she meant every word.

'Take my hand

And take my whole life too

Cause I can't help

Falling in love with you.'

She finished singing and there was a round of applause. She acknowledged it with a nod and ran off the stage and directly towards Sirius.

He still seemed like he didn't know what was happening. She took his hand and he stood. She felt her cheeks grow hot at his touch. "Did you like it?"

"Uh..."

Sofia understood his lack of immediate response. He was probably still trying to take it all in. "Come on."

James stood and he looked like he wanted to say something but Sofia pulled Sirius away before he could. She couldn't stand another second without tasting his lips, and she wasn't about to kiss him for the first time in a crowded pub.

Sofia led Sirius outside and he opened his mouth to speak but Sofia didn't let him. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him with all she had. He didn't respond at first, and Sofia thought maybe he didn't actually want this. But then his lips finally moved against hers.

Sofia smiled into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her against the wall. Sofia had waited so long for this moment, she ached for more. Sirius's arm wrapped tightly around her waist and he lifted her off her feet. She giggled.

"Padfoot, mate!"

Sirius pulled away from Sofia to glare at James. "What?"

He approached them and Sofia felt a pout coming on. Couldn't he see they were busy?

James slapped Sirius's arm lightly. James looked at his friend pityingly. "Come on, mate. She's obviously under a love potion."

Sirius scowled, angry. "You think I slipped her a love potion?"

James shifted uncomfortably. "Of course not. But come on, you have to admit that even if she did like you, singing you that mushy song in public and snogging you outside a pub, that's not her."

Now Sofia was really angry. "Will you leave us alone, Potter? This is none of your business."

Someone else came out of the pub and approached them. Evans. She gave James a dark look before turning to Sofia and Sirius. "Come on, I'm taking her to get an antidote."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Is it really that unbelievable to think she might actually like me?"

Lily sighed. "I'm not saying that. But that little pink glint in her eyes is not normal. I'm taking her to get an antidote, nothing will happen if she isn't under a love potion. No harm, no foul, right?"

Sirius's eyes narrowed as he looked at Sofia, an odd look on his face. He didn't argue further.

Sofia's jaw dropped. "Jesus Christ, Evans, I'm not under a love potion, this is what being in love looks like!"

Lily took Sofia's forearm firmly. "Sure, Bessonova."

"It's BesSONova, not BessoNOUva," Sofia said, annoyed.

Lily took advantage of the distraction and pulled Sofia away from the guys.

Sofia tried to pull her arm from Lily. "Will you let me go? I know you hate Sirius and his friends but not letting him be with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day is just cruel."

Lily didn't even flinch. "You're not his girlfriend. And I don't hate them."

Sofia laughed. "Right, that's why you've been glaring at James all evening."

Sofia had been hoping to throw Lily off, but the redhead didn't budge. "I was mad at him but it was something silly. I don't hate him."

Sofia's brows raised. "Oh my god, are you mad because he didn't ask you out on Valentine's Day for like the first time ever?"

Lily scoffed. "Of course not."

Sofia giggled. "I'll tell you what, if you let me go back to Sirius, I'll put in a good word for you with James. Hey, if we marry them, we can be like sister wives, wouldn't you like that? I thought you liked me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ, Sofia."

Sofia tried to wrestle herself away from Lily twice more as they walked back to the castle. But to no success.

Lily took Sofia to the Seventh Year girls dormitory and forced her to sit down before pretty much forcing the antidote down Sofia's throat.

Sofia laid down. Her head felt woozy.

Then she realised what she'd done.

AN: I will love you forever if you leave a review