Recommended listening:
"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" by Sufjan Stevens
"Before the Deluge" by Jackson Browne
"Howlin' for You" by the Black Keys
"Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage
Before The Deluge
By
Michael Walker
The sky was the color of an old bruise. Clouds hung so low that it felt like the world had a ceiling. Cats hissed and birds sat in ominous rows on fences. People yawned and stretched their necks, trying to get their ears to pop. The world felt like a drumhead stretched tight, waiting for the blow from the mallet.
"I should have brought something. I don't know why I didn't think of that." Willow wrung her hands.
"What would you have brought?" Buffy asked. They stood in front of the entrance to Sunnydale General. Oz occupied the space just behind Willow and to her left; Giles was parking the Citroen.
"Candy? Flowers? A book?" Willow's voice quavered.
The Slayer turned toward her friend. "Will, do you hear yourself? You're going to bring Xander a book?"
Oz shrugged. "Candy might be nice. I could run into the gift shop and get something."
Buffy shook her head and squinted. "I don't know-"
"Oh, that would be great." The relief in Willow's voice was palpable. "He really likes Milk Duds."
"Got it." Oz strolled away.
"Where is Oz going?" asked Giles, polishing his glasses on his tie as he stepped up onto the sidewalk.
"He went to get candy. For Xander." Willow attempted a small smile. "You know, kind of 'Hey, you're out of the hospital'." Her hands waved weakly.
"Yes, yes. Probably a very good idea," Giles said. "Try to make the event as normal as possible."
"So, should we go in, or just wait here on the sidewalk?" Buffy crossed her arms and looked at her Watcher. "What's the protocol for 'Hey, glad you're out of intensive care after almost dying at the hands of a homicidal Slayer'?"
"Probably best if we did go inside." Giles glanced at the sky. "It feels as though it could rain at any moment." As the trio reached the door, it slid open. Oz stood there, gift-shop sack in hand.
"I could have waited inside," he said.
"We thought we should wait in here," Willow offered.
Buffy shrugged and wrinkled her nose. "Because nothing says, 'So happy to see you're coming home' like waiting outside like you're afraid of the plague."
Oz nodded. "Good point." He pointed toward a lounge. "We could wait over there."
They crossed the lobby in fits and starts, their progress halting and awkward. They settled onto chairs and sofas, perched like birds fearing a cat.
"What, um, what sort of candy did you get?" Giles asked Oz.
"Milk Duds." The rusty-haired guitarist shook the bag.
"Oh, probably, probably a very good choice."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Are you guys trying to make the worst small talk ever?"
Giles adjusted his glasses. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."
The Slayer looked at her Watcher and her two friends. "We're trying to pretend that this is normal, that we know what's going on. We don't. Xander didn't have his appendix out. He almost died."
"Well, yes, but it's not like it's the first time-" Willow began.
"Sad but true." Buffy crossed her arms and frowned. "Still, this is different. This wasn't Trick or the Reverend or the Master. It was…"
"Faith." Willow finished the thought. "It was Faith."
Giles cleared his throat. "While I do not wish to diminish Faith's involvement in this entire affair, I would like to point out that she has suffered a very severe trauma."
"Come on, Giles." Willow's voice sharpened. "Trauma's part of living in Sunnydale."
"But," the Watcher replied, "you have… each other. You-"
"Faith could've had us." Willow's mouth tightened. "She didn't. Instead of letting us help, she blew us up."
"Willow, I-"
"Giles." Buffy interrupted her Watcher. He blinked at her. "I got this." She patted him on the arm and turned. "Will, I know that you think you feel this more than we do. Xander was your friend before the rest of us even met him."
"Hey." Oz said.
"Sorry." Buffy smiled at him. "I guess you had technically met him."
"Cool." Oz leaned back on the hard, uncomfortable sofa and rested his hand atop Willow's hand.
"And we all know how wacky the whole Xander Cordelia… thing was for all of us." Buffy raised a hand as Willow opened her mouth. "And again, harder for you than the rest of us. And, just about the time we get our heads around that bucket of weirdness, this happens." Buffy leaned toward her friend. "You're right about the sitch with the Hellmouth and what it's done to all of us. You are right."
Willow sulked. "I think there's a 'but' coming."
Buffy offered a small ironic smile. "Yeah, there is, but let me get to it.
"You're right about Faith's responsibility. She made a terrible choice…" The Slayer clasped her hands in her lap. "Here's the but. Trust me, she is in awful pain. Realizing you're the Slayer is… it's mind-blowing. You have these abilities and senses, and you don't know what it means or if you're living or dying and… I had my mom, and I have you guys, but, Will, if I hadn't had my mom, if I had come here alone, I… I don't know if we-" she circled a hand, encompassing the four of them "-would have become this thing. Not to overshare, but, Will, I had all of you, my mom, Giles-" Buffy's eyes glistened as she stared at Willow "-my friends, and I still almost lost it. I can't justify what Faith did, but I'm asking you, try and find just a little compash for her."
Willow frowned. "I know you're right. I mean, I know that you've got the moral high ground here, but I kinda want to wallow in the moral low ground for a while."
Giles shifted his weight. "As abhorrent as Faith's actions were-"
Buffy looked askance at the Watcher. "What did you call her?"
Giles sighed. "I am going to ignore that. You know perfectly well what I mean. Xander still has some culpability. Unless Faith rendered him unconscious and had her way with him-"
"Which she could totally do." Oz lifted a hand, palm up.
Giles removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I am wasting my time."
"You guys are right, and I know all of this." Willow looked around the circle. "But right now, I don't wanna be logical or analytical or even-handed. I want to be angry and upset and sad, and nobody can stop me."
"Okay." Buffy nodded. "You've staked out your position."
Oz snorted. "Worst pun ever."
"Yeah." The Slayer shook her head. "I walked right into that one."
Willow's nose crinkled. "I'll get over it. You're right, I know that, but I can't agree with you, not now. My heart's not in it." She shrugged.
Buffy leaned back. "I know you will. You always do the right thing. Besides, I'm not your boss. I'm your friend."
The elevator dinged. Four heads turned toward the opening door.
The bar had two large plate-glass windows facing the street. Both of them were painted black. The sidewalk was gritty beneath the feet of the girl standing on the corner. She watched him come out of the bar: a big man, once an athlete but starting to look a little sloppy, a short, wiry beard trying to camouflage the beginnings of a double chin.. He still towered over her, which was even more noticeable as he approached her, firing up a cigarette as he came on.
"Hey, cutie," he said, exhaling twin plumes of smoke from his nostrils. "Feelin' lucky?"
She grinned and tossed her head. "I was about to ask you the same thing, stud." She plucked the cigarette from his finger and took a drag.
"I always feel lucky," he said, retrieving his smoke.
"Confidence. I find that very sexy." She purred the last word.
"So, uh, how's about we go someplace less public and see just how lucky we both get." He took another drag. "I can be pretty generous."
"Ooooh, I like that." She smiled again, her crimson lips glistening. "Why don't you come with me?" She headed toward the alley, hips swaying. She looked over her shoulder and winked at him.
He dropped the cigarette to the concrete as he followed her into the dark alley. There was a brief moment of whispered voices, then a meaty smack, a groan, and a metallic crash.
She walked out of the alley and picked up the cigarette from the sidewalk. She took a drag as she glanced at the money in her hand, then flipped the butt into the gutter.
"Jeez," said Faith as she folded the embarrassingly small wad of bills and stuffed them in the pocket of her jeans, "I gotta find a better class of scumbag."