AN: Thank you Ariel and LoveFiction2021 for the reviews you have no idea how much I appreciate it!

gale song — the lumineers

"and there was a time

when i stood in line

for love, for love, for love."

Sofia would have been extremely happy to never leave Lily Evans's bed, where she'd been lying for the past couple of hours.

Chloe came into the dormitory after dinner, she'd been on a date while everything went down but had been filled in by Lily.

Chloe sat on the bed next to Sofia, who had her arm wrapped around her legs. "If Sirius didn't give you the potion, then what the heck happened? I thought it made you fall in love with whoever gave it to you."

"Yeah, usually that's how it works. I... I'd been experimenting with some potions, I wanted to see if I could make one that made you attracted to a specific person. I used Sirius's DNA because it was easy to get," Sofia explained, her voice strained.

"I still don't get how you drank it accidentally."

Sofia groaned, letting her forehead fall on her pulled-up knees. "It was the goddamned burrito!"

Chloe frowned. "What?"

"I was eating a burrito while I grabbed some potions this morning. I disposed of the variation I made because I thought it wouldn't work. I guess some droplets reached my burrito. And when I finished it later that day, I ingested some of the potion."

"I thought we weren't supposed to eat in the potions classroom."

Sofia wished Chloe would just let out the laugh she was holding back. But Chloe was too nice of a friend to laugh at Sofia's stupidity. "I guess when you have a private potions lab, you start taking some liberties."

"Probably shouldn't let Slughorn hear about this."

Sofia took a deep breath. "Yeah, at least Evans was there. I doubt many people in this school have the mind to keep universal antidotes on hand."

Speaking of the devil, Lily walked into the dormitory and took a seat at the edge of her bed. "I know that you're still... processing things, but I thought you should know that Sirius has set up an armchair outside the dormitory and he seems intent on not taking his eyes off the door for a second."

Sofia groaned. She wasn't ready to face him yet.

"I think you should talk to him, at least to reassure him you guys are still good," Lily said.

Lily was probably right but Sofia felt like she would die of embarrassment if she saw him right now.

Sofia got up from the bed slowly and headed towards the door.

"Are you going to talk to him or are you just going back to your dorm?" Chloe called after her.

Sofia didn't respond. It would be incredibly easy to just go back to her room and at least have the night before she had to face Sirius. But maybe it was better to just rip off the Band-Aid.

Truly, Sofia didn't know what she would say to him. She'd been trying not to think about that half-hour she'd spent under the influence of her doctored love potion. She just knew that she should apologise and never speak of it again.

She went down to the common room.

Lily had been right. Sirius had been sitting right in front of the girls' dorms and he'd stood the second he saw Sofia.

"Can we talk?" Sirius asked.

Sofia nodded. Better get this over with.

He motioned towards the guys' dormitory. "Come on, the guys are all at dinner."

Sofia walked to the dorm and tried to stop her hands from shaking.

She sat at the edge of Sirius's bed and looked anywhere but at him.

"Want me to go first?" Sirius asked, obviously sensing her hesitation.

Sofia nodded.

He ran a hand through his hair. He seemed slightly nervous. "I'm... sorry that I didn't realise you were under a love potion. And I'm sorry that I kissed you while you were in that state."

Sofia shook her head. "No, come on, it was my fault completely."

"Will you let me finish?"

Sofia shut up.

Sirius took a deep breath. "I know that that was all... fabricated, but," he shifted his weight, "I would be lying if I said I'd never thought about doing that before."

Sofia felt a fist close around her heart. What had he just said? No, this could not be happening right now. She needed it to stop.

He took a seat next to her. "I mean... I didn't think now would be the best time to tell you... I thought maybe after we had both graduated and we were older, things might fall into place and... I know that that kiss wasn't real and all but it sure felt real. And I..."

He took her hand, if he was surprised by how cold her skin was, he didn't react to it. Sofia felt frozen. She thought back to their interactions for the past year or so. Sure, he had given her more compliments than she'd expect and he'd been weirdly protective of her, but he'd always been a fiercely loyal person.

She looked at him, trying to figure out what to do, what could she possibly say.

All she could think of was that he had Regulus's eyes. It made her want to cry. She looked down at their joined hands and all she could think of was how Regulus's hands warmed her up so much whenever he touched her.

Sirius lifted her chin with his hand and Sofia didn't know what in her face made him think that it was a good idea but he leaned down and kissed her. Just a chaste kiss, not like the one outside the pub. Sweet, light.

Sofia put a hand on his shoulder and pulled away. "Sirius."

The look on his face made her wish she did return his feelings. It wasn't fair. She never wanted to hurt her best friend. She looked at him softly.

Sirius shifted away from her. "What's wrong?"

Sofia scrambled for a response that would make things better. "I'm so sorry. I just... I never thought about us like that before."

Sirius stood suddenly. "Really? Never? Not even when the girls from your year tease you about your relationship with me? Or the million times your mum has implied she wants you to marry me?"

Sofia shrugged half-heartedly. "I guess I always saw it as a joke."

But that was the wrong thing to say. Sofia knew it as soon as she said it. And as soon as she saw the set of Sirius's jaw. He was hurt.

"Right. A joke. You find the idea of us together funny."

"I didn't mean it like that! But you're my best friend and it's hard to see you like that."

Sirius seemed frustrated. "And just because we're best friends, we'd work so well! You're the only girl I could see myself having a serious relationship with."

"You're eighteen, there's a lot of girls you haven't met yet."

Sirius shook his head. "No, don't do that. I know myself and you're the one I want."

Sofia really needed him to stop. She stood as well. "You don't know what you're saying. You don't fancy me, you fancy the idea of messing around with whoever you want now and then having someone who loves you already there for when you finally might decide you want to settle down."

Sirius's face hardened. "That is not true, Sofia. You don't know how I feel."

Sofia shrugged. "Well, you just said it, you wanted to wait until we were both out of school and functioning adults and you might finally feel like wanting to date me."

Sirius sighed. "Yes, that is what I thought. But what I'm saying right now is that I don't want to wait. I want you. Right now. If you'll have me."

A few stray tears escaped her eyes. "Please stop. You still don't know what you're saying. You think you want to have a relationship with me because I'm your best friend and I'm a girl and you think it would be so easy. But that's not a good enough reason."

"You don't have to try to convince me I don't like you because I do. If you don't return my feelings, then please just say so. Because yes, it'll hurt, but I'm willing to wait for you, Sonya."

Sofia needed him to realise how ridiculous he was being, but she didn't want to keep arguing. She just needed him to stop talking. "Sirius," she said with a knot in her throat. "Sirius, you're my best friend. And I love you, and I never want to lose you."

Sirius's gaze went to the floor. His shoulders drooped slightly. "I... I get it, Sofia, but you still haven't answered me. And if you tell me right now that you have no romantic feelings whatsoever for me, that you will never see me in that way, we can just forget this ever happened. I promise."

Sofia reeled back. "I... I don't—I don't know if I can tell you that." She could. But she didn't want to. She had hurt him enough and that was without even factoring in all the secrets she was keeping from him. She shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have given him hope. But the words were out now.

Sirius nodded, his shoulders lost some tension. "I guess I can deal with that. I hope you know that I never want to lose you either, Sofia. So, why don't we just set this aside for now? Let's just go on as usual."

Sofia felt so bad, she wanted to just tell him the truth about everything. "If you're okay with that, I'd like it."

Sirius looked defeated but he nodded, looking down at the floor. "Can you just... I think I need to be alone for a little while. I'll be fine tomorrow, I promise."

Sofia nodded and headed towards the door. She took one last look at Sirius before leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Sofia still remembered the first time she'd met Sirius. She'd already known who he was, of course. She'd only been at Hogwarts for two months but it was hard not to notice Sirius and his friends. They were loud and troublemakers and everyone seemed to want to be friends with them. Sofia didn't care much for them. She was too busy worrying about her family and trying hard not to get attached to any of the people in the school.

It was the day of the Halloween Feast the first time she had talked to Sirius. Dumbledore had let her know that morning that her mother had called to let Sofia know Ivan was sick in the hospital. Mum had said everything would be fine, that they were only keeping him in the hospital because he was so young and it was a precaution. But Sofia still felt terrible.

Which was why when she entered the Great Hall for dinner and realised it was Halloween and saw everyone having fun, she walked right back out.

It was an amalgamation of all the things she'd felt during her first couple of months in the castle. She missed her family so much it hurt. She constantly worried about how her mother was holding up. The woman's mental state would be unpredictable still and Sofia often had to take the reins from her.

Sofia worried about her siblings and she wished she could be there with them.

She'd run off from the Great Hall and tears had escaped her before she could even reach the Gryffindor tower. The hallways were empty, with everyone at the feast, so Sofia just curled up on the floor and sobbed.

Her first instinct when she felt a hand on her shoulder was to snap but she was too tired.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked.

"Leave me alone," was Sofia's response.

But he wasn't fazed by it. He sat down on the floor beside her. "It's normal to miss home during your first year."

Sofia wasn't planning on answering, she didn't want to talk about it. But something had made her want to tell him. "It's not the same. My family needs me."

"I get it. I was... reluctant to leave my brother too when I first came here."

Sofia didn't realise it at the time, but it had been an extremely rare moment of vulnerability when Sirius told her that. And even though she didn't know him nearly well enough then to know that he never talked about his family, she could sense something raw in his tone.

She had stopped crying then. "Is he a lot younger than you?"

"Just a year, but he's always been a bit of a... pushover when it comes to our parents. I worried he'd let them walk all over him."

Sofia nodded. "I have three younger siblings."

"Oh."

"Our mum is single... so she needs my help a lot with them. We had a bit of a trial run this summer of her handling things on her own but it didn't go over that well."

"How old are your siblings?"

"Roman is nine, Natasha seven, and Ivan two," Sofia said. "I just want to be around if they need me."

"Won't Dumbledore let you go home to see them sometimes?"

Sofia gritted her teeth. "Not often enough."

He gave her a cheeky smile. "I think I might be able to help with that."

And he did. Sofia would've been too scared to do it on her own, but he helped her sneak out of the castle. The first few times they did it, it was very difficult. They were twelve and fourteen, so they couldn't use magic outside the castle, and they got caught more than once. But with time, they got better at it.

Sofia would forever be grateful for what Sirius had done for her. He had gone through great trouble so that she could see her family and Sofia could never repay him for that.

She couldn't lose him. He was her lifeline at Hogwarts. And she'd been treating him horribly lately, lying to him and now hurting his feelings.

Sofia got to the potions lab and sat, wallowing in self-pity. Regulus got there late, and ignored Sofia when she greeted him with a weak "hey."

It made her mad. "Are you cross with me or something?"

He didn't even look at her.

Sofia scoffed. "Seriously, the silent treatment? You and Sirius are exactly the same, you know that?"

That caught his attention, his eyes snapped up to hers. He laughed humourlessly. "Are we?"

"Well, he's mad at me because of something I can't control and you've been mad at me for weeks for god knows what but you both refuse to acknowledge it, you're just being standoffish and pretending like everything is fine!"

It felt good to say. Sirius had been trying to act normal the past few days, but it was pretty obvious he was still a little resentful.

"I am not like him."

Seriously? That was the hill he was willing to die on? Sofia sighed. "Is that your takeaway from what I said? Really?"

"I'm not mad at you," he said as he stirred his cauldron. "I just think it's a little bit hypocritical of you to go around kissing me one day and making out with my fucking brother outside a pub the other."

Sofia tensed. How did he even know about that? Had he been there that day? Oh shit. "I was experimenting with love potions and ingested some accidentally. You know that. I didn't want to kiss him."

"Didn't you?"

Sofia was getting frustrated. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's not like no one notices you being all over him all the time. Is it that crazy to think maybe you do fancy him?"

Sofia frowned. She did tend to be a bit touchy-feely with him but she usually was with loved ones, even if she didn't seem like the type. God, had she herself given Sirius mixed signals? Fuck, she didn't even want to think about it. "Well, I don't fancy him," she scoffed. "And even if I did, it's not like we're dating or something, is it?"

He took a second to respond. "I suppose not."

Sofia took a breath. They were quiet for a few minutes.

"Do you want to ditch class?" Sofia finally asked.

"What? Why?"

She shrugged. "To ditch class. I'm going to do it, you can come along or not. I need to let off some steam."

She stood and went out the door. She wasn't sure if Regulus would follow her but he did.

Sofia led him all the way to the empty Quidditch pitch and Summoned her baseball gear. She shed her outer robe and started stretching.

"Those aren't Bludgers," Regulus said as he examined the box of baseballs.

"I know."

"Is this another Muggle thing?"

"Yup."

Sofia picked up her bat. She handed Regulus a glove. "You can pitch."

"I can what?"

"Just throw the ball at me", she said as she got into position a few yards away.

Regulus put on the glove gingerly and took a ball. "Wouldn't this be a lot easier with, you know, an enchanted ball?"

"I like it better this way. Batting the enchanted balls is like swatting flies, this requires at least some skill."

The first few balls Regulus pitched did not go anywhere near Sofia's bat, but he got the hang of it eventually. It felt good to hit something.

Eventually, Regulus asked her if he could try as well and they somehow ended up in a weird game of two-person baseball where one of them would bat the ball and run the imaginary bases, and while the other retrieved the ball the batter could run for as long as they could. Whoever had the most home runs won. She won in the end, thirty to eight.

They sat down on the stands to rest.

"Want some water?" Sofia asked.

Regulus nodded and Sofia produced two bottles of water from her bag. She handed him one.

Sofia sipped her own water and watched as Regulus took a gulp of his and then proceeded to use most of the rest to splash on his face. He ran a hand through his hair. Some water had dripped down his shirt, and it clung to his chest. Sofia realised her mouth had dropped open at the sight and closed it quickly.

She couldn't look away though.

He pulled his shirt up to wipe his face, letting her have a good look at his Quidditch-sculpted abs. Sofia felt like she was melting into a puddle. She glanced up at his lips. His tongue darted out to lick them and it took Sofia every ounce of self-control she possessed not to throw herself at him.

God help her, she would not kiss Regulus Black again.

Nope. She was done with that. Especially after the Sirius fiasco. She wasn't doing it.

Hell no.

And that's how she ended up snogging Regulus Black for the third time.

So much for self-control.

She wasn't even sure how it happened. One second she had been sitting there, trying to discreetly undress him with her eyes and the next she was on her knees on the bench to gain some height advantage and they were kissing again.

Now she really, really ought to stop doing this.

She tried to tell herself it was just some innocent kissing but deep inside she knew full well it wasn't just that. This was something. As much as it scared her.

He kissed her with such fervour that Sofia felt like he really wanted her. She switched a knee to his other side so he sat between her legs. His hands held her thighs firmly and Sofia felt drunk. It was too much. His touch felt so good, it hurt.

A thump from somewhere behind them made Sofia jump away from Regulus. She landed hard on her butt on the bench, on the opposite side of him from where she'd originally been sitting. She stood up.

A few metres away from them stood Lily Evans. She'd been carrying a wooden box the size of a shoebox, which was still on the ground where she'd dropped it. Her eyes were wide as she looked at them.

"I'll deal with this," Sofia whispered to Regulus before taking off after Lily, who had started walking away.

"Evans! Will you stop?" Sofia called after the redhead.

Lily paused and turned to look at Sofia. Lily had picked up the box before walking away, and now she fidgeted with the handles as she looked at Sofia.

Lily took a deep breath. "It's okay, Sofia. I won't tell."

"It wasn't what you thought."

"Oh. You weren't snogging Regulus Black like your life depended on it?"

Sofia crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "What are you even doing in the freaking Quidditch pitch? I thought this place only existed for you when Gryffindor played?"

Lily looked down at the box in her hands. "This is James's collection of Snitches. I was going to tell Coach they were a donation to the school."

"Ouch. That's kinda low."

Lily's shoulders slumped. She looked conflicted. "I know. It was a stupid idea. I was upset."

"But seriously, Black and I are just... we're not in like a relationship or something."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sofia but nodded. "Right. I meant it when I said I won't tell. Seriously, if anyone understands the situation it's me."

Sofia recalled Evans's long-ago friendship with another Slytherin asshole. Except that Evans had been brave enough to cut Snape off when he'd gotten a little too blood obsessed. Unlike Sofia. A pang of shame went through her. "I guess you're right. Thanks."

"Will you just let me give you a bit of advice?"

Sofia ground her teeth. "This is nothing like your situation, Evans. What he and I have is not a... relationship."

She was sure she was making it sound like she and Regulus were having casual sex but honestly she'd rather Lily thought that than that they might be dating.

Lily looked at Sofia, obviously not believing her. "Sure... but still, just... don't let things slide. Because it's a slippery slope. If he says something you're uncomfortable with, call him out, and be stingy with your chances. And I guess just... be careful. Please."

Sofia wasn't sure why Evans seemed to care so much, but Sofia believed her when she said she wouldn't tell. That was enough for now. Sofia nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Lily nodded. "Us Mudbloods gotta stick together, right?"

Sofia smiled. Maybe Evans wasn't so bad after all.