'So, what do you think of my parents' attic?' the man asked us. He was a guy in his early 30s, with dark brown hair, Seto Kaiba hairstyle, and green, expressive eyes. A light beard on his face was the result of the fact that, most of the times, he was too lazy to shave. He was wearing a tracksuit with black, white and red areas.

Asuna and I rotated around ourselves to examine the room. There was a mattress on the wooden floor. Close to it, I could see piles of notebooks, which, as the man would later tell me, were the manuscripts of his masterpieces that would someday make him worldwide famous. Next to the wall, there was a rusty table, which God knows how hadn't crumbled to dust yet. On that table, there was a small, cheap laptop.

'It's a miserable place, fitting to a pathetic creature like you,' Asuna commented.

'Thanks, female,' the man smiled. 'I'm glad that finally a female, albeit a fictional one, addresses me.'

That moment, my eyes widened in a sudden realization. 'Hey, what are we doing here? Wasn't I supposed to be trapped in Hekapoo's dimension right now?'

'Yeah, come to think of it, he's right,' Asuna's eyes widened too. 'What in the name of continuity is going on here?'

'Well, this is the 100th chapter of this masterpiecious fanfiction,' the man chuckled. 'I wanted to do something special for the occasion. Yes, that's right, I'm Hector, the creator of this godsent gift to humanity. As for the continuity, don't worry; this chapter is non canon to the main story. Which means that you two are non canon as well.'

'Oh, I get it,' Asuna cried. 'We have all the memories of our canon selves, but not the other way around.'

I carried on in my girlfriend's place: 'That means that, in the next chapter, our canon selves will go back to action, without remembering any of what is happening in this chapter.'

'HEY,' Hector snapped. 'I was going to explain that stuff!'

'Well, we just did, so there is no need for you to do it,' Asuna made a cute rotation around herself.

'But I wanted to do it. I would look so cool if I explained that stuff. I wanted to do it so bad,' Hector sat on the cold, wooden floor and burst into tears. 'Nobody loves me.'

Asuna and I sweatdropped, looking at Hector sobbing for a good two minutes! Finally, I walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder.

'There there. You can explain those things if you want it so bad,' I comforted him.

'It's not the same,' he sobbed. 'Now that Asuna and you did it in my place, I'll look ridiculous if I go ahead and do it anyway.'

'Ridiculous? As opposed to now?' Asuna wondered sarcastically.

'My explaining that stuff was the only joy I had left,' Hector kept sobbing. 'I mean, what else do I have to live for? I have never had any friends or love stories, nobody speaks to me in real life, nobody pays attention to me in any way...'

'I can't imagine why,' Asuna rolled her eyes.

Hector carried on for a while, telling us about how his mom always reminds him that he's a pathetic zero and that she bets, someday, he will end up homeless, sleeping next to his own poo, waiting to die of cold some winter night.

'Umm, we're really sorry, Hector,' I kept trying to comfort him.

'No, we're not,' Asuna sighed.

'Yes, we are!' I glared at her.

My eyes back to the author: 'So, umm, is there any way we can make you feel better?'

Hector jumped to his feet, causing me to step back in startlement, and cried cheerfully, 'Well, if you insist, you can take an interview from me.'

Next, he produced a piece of paper and gave it to me. 'Here are the questions.'

I had a look at the piece of paper and scratched my chin, troubled. 'Umm, I'm pretty sure that the person who gives the interview does not write the questions beforehand.'

Hector glared at me. 'Do you wanna keep fucking hotties in the future chapters, sweetie?'

I gulped, taking the message. 'On second thought, I just realized that that's exactly how interviews work,' I said.

'Now you're talking,' Hector clapped once, dragged a white, plastic chair towards him and sat down.

'Umm, where will we sit?' Asuna crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

'On your butts,' Hector rudely snapped.

My girlfriend sighed and we sat on the floor.

'So,' I started reading the questions indifferently. 'Tell us, Hector, when did you first come into contact with the Sword Art Online franchise?'

'Thanks for your spontaneous enthusiasm, Kirito,' the author cried excitedly. 'And I'm glad that you have decided to ask me this question.'

'But didn't you write down those que...'

Hector glared at me, thus hushing me.

'Wake me up when this farce is over,' Asuna whispered, lay down on the floor in a lateral position and closed her eyes.

Hector began babbling: 'It all started one day, no wait, it was night, in this attic. I had decided to start reading the Naruto manga...'

'I doubt a loser like you has enough money to buy a manga,' Asuna opened her eyes.

'I intended to read it illegally online, just like every normal person,' Hector rolled his eyes. Next, taking his former, excited expression, he resumed: 'In an ad under the manga, I saw a 'Kirito kisses all girls' meme. I clicked on it, and so, I found out about that franchise.'

The weird man made a pause, presumably for dramatic reasons, even though neither Asuna nor I gave a shit about what he was saying or doing, and continued: 'For the following hours, instead of reading Naruto, I watched all Hollow Fragment bed scenes on youtube. Truth be told, initially, I thought all those scenes were after you had sex with all those girls, Kirito. Needless to say, I was disappointed when I found out that was not the case.'

He pouted and continued, 'Those game developers are so uncool. I mean, what's the point of making all those bed scenes with half naked, hot chicks if the main character does not screw any of them?'

He stopped, as if waiting for an answer. When he saw that neither Asuna nor I were going to give him a response, he carried on: 'So I was like, someone has to fill that gap, someone has to write the SAO story the way it should have been in the first place.'

Some silence followed, until a glare of Hector made me realize it was time for the next question. My eyes back to the piece of paper. 'So, it was then that your genius began creating this brilliant piece of fiction which all future generations will be thanking you for?' I asked boredly.

'Genius? I think you are exaggerating a little, Kirito,' Hector chuckled, trying to sound modest. 'You could have just called me really smart. To answer your question, though, no, it was not then. I made that decision a few years later.'

'And what led you to that decision?' I kept reading the questions.

'Another harem fanfic,' Hector's eyes suddenly blazed with anger. 'It was called Anna's Adventures, a Frozen fanfic. It was the story of an intersex girl who screwed all Disney princesses.'

'Intersex?' Asuna and I asked in unison.

'That means a girl with a dick,' Hector clarified.

'Ooohh, now we get it,' Asuna and I replied in unison.

'Anyway,' Hector resumed. 'Even though that fic is not even half as good as mine, for some reason, it has way more reviews, favourites and followers than mine! Life is so unfair! Drunk with her success, ChocolateCookieCream, the chick that is writing that fic, became complacent, ignoring all my polite suggestions that she could use to improve the quality of her work.'

'Polite suggestions? Is this another way of saying that you were pestering her day and night with PMs to turn your twisted fantasies into chapters of her fanfic?' Asuna asked.

Hector ignored my girlfriend and continued, 'So, in the end, I was like, why am I wasting my time with the author of that mediocrity when I can utilize my ideas myself? And so, my own harem fic was born, the harem fic to end all harem fics.'

'I'll end him if he doesn't shut up soon,' my girlfriend yawned.

I looked at the piece of paper again. It seemed that what I had to say next wasn't a question, but rather just a statement that Hector could use as an excuse to keep babbling: 'A long time has passed since then and this masterpiece has reached 100 chapters!' (Yes, the exclamation mark in the end of that sentence was written on the piece of paper too.)

'Actually, in the beginning, I intended to write only 27 chapters,' Hector chuckled. 'Yes, I had planned this story 27 chapters ahead, intending to end it there. The chapter with you and Asuna having a threesome with your future daughter, Yui, would be the last one. It was my readers' love that motivated me to write so much more.'

'Your readers' love?' Asuna raised an eyebrow provocatively. 'Okay, let's see how much readers love this fic.' (When speaking the word 'love', she made the quotation marks gesture.)

The redhead stood up and walked over to the laptop.

Hector's eyes widened. 'Umm, Asuna, I don't think this is necessary...'

Ignoring him, my chuckling girlfriend turned on his laptop, accessed the Internet and opened this fanfic's reviews page. With Hector yelling at her to stop, she read some:

This is the worst garbage I have ever read.

Yeah, sure, that's how sex works in real life! How old are you, dude? 12?

You are sick, man. I'm speaking to you as a friend, quit writing and surrender yourself to a mental hospital.

You are a disgusting pedo. Right now, I'm reporting this story to the FBI.

Okay, this story obviously doesn't please anyone. It's just a way of the author to live his sickening fantasies. What I don't get is why he has to do it online. Can't he just lie down on his bed and jack off? Is he so lonely in his life (though it's no wonder that someone like him has no friends) that he feels the need to share his shit with us?

A miserable excuse for a human who envies ChocolateCookieCream for her success and tries to copy her. Well, I've got news for you, Hector (or whatever your real name is). Waking up with a boner in the morning, putting together the first 1000 words that come to your mind and calling that a new chapter is not what it takes to make a good story. You'll never become a tenth the wonderful author and the wonderful person that ChocolateCookieCream is. Accept that you have no talent and leave writing to those who can really do it.

The fact that you update almost everyday indicates you have no life. I'd tell you to get one, but this is obviously impossible for you. So quit wasting valuable food and oxygen and go suicide instead. Rid us all of your pitiful existence. Don't worry, nobody is gonna miss you.

Burn in Hell, you filthy pervert. You turn my stomach.

'WELL,' Hector snapped and ran over to the computer. 'In my defense, not all reviews are bad. How about this one?' He proceeded to read it:

You are awesome, man. I'm eternally grateful to you for blessing humanity with that divine work. Everybody on the planet should thank you by sending you their girlfriends/wives/mothers/sisters/daughters for you to fuck them.

'Umm, that one was written by you, Hector,' Asuna eyed him.

'WHAT?' Hector shrieked. 'No, it was not. You can't prove tha... OHHHH!'

Hector blushed.

'Next time, before posting an anonymous review of your own fanfic, make sure you log off your account first!' Asuna giggled.