AN: pls don't hate me

cruel summer — taylor swift

"i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

School finally let out and almost immediately Sirius was off to goof around with James, and Sofia sat on the very same bench where she and Regulus had played with those kittens on spring break, feeling like she could breath for the first time in weeks. She'd written to Regulus with a time and place to meet, and now she just waited.

"Sofia."

She looked up to see Regulus standing in front of her.

She stood. "Hi."

He walked over to her and slowly wrapped her up in a hug. He kissed the top of her head. God, she had missed the warmth of his body. "How are you?"

"Better now. I missed you."

He let out a deep, weary sigh. "I missed you too. More than you know."

He pulled her in for a long kiss and then they sat down.

Regulus took a deep breath. "Sofia, you have to know how sorry I am—"

"Stop." Sofia cut him off. "There's something I need to say first."

Regulus nodded.

Sofia brushed her short hair behind her ear, bracing herself. "I didn't say it when we last talked properly and I should've, but I need you to know that..." she looked up into his eyes. "I love you."

Regulus looked conflicted. "You do?"

"Of course I do."

He averted his eyes. "No one's ever told me that before."

A knot in Sofia's throat. "Not even..."

"Sirius? No. It's not like I didn't know when he did... by his actions, but we were never really taught to express our feelings like that so... no, we never said that to each other."

"You said it to me though," Sofia pointed out.

His lips quirked upward slightly. "Yeah... you're the first person I've ever said that to."

There were so many things Sofia wanted to say to him. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and never let him go. Her eyes filled with tears. She leaned forwards and pulled him into her arms. She pressed her forehead against his. "Thank you. I could never thank you enough for giving me that."

He smiled. "It was my pleasure."

Sofia closed the small gap between their lips and kissed him, delighting in the taste of him. She kissed his cheeks, his nose, his jaw. His entire face. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

She settled into his arms and let herself relax. "So... now that that's out of the way... what the hell are we gonna do now?"

Regulus took a deep breath. "You... you gotta give me some time, love. I'll figure things out. I swear."

Sofia took a shuddering breath. "Okay." A pause. "Do you want to go back to my place?"

Regulus looked at her, his lips quirked up slightly. "Your place?"

Sofia shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "Well, my mum took my siblings to the mall so it's empty right now... and if they come back... I'll introduce you."

Regulus's brows went up. He seemed at a loss for words momentarily. "Are you sure?"

Sofia felt bad he thought she still didn't want him to know her family. She nodded firmly. "Of course."

They spent the rest of the afternoon together and Sofia's family didn't make it back in time to meet Regulus and Sofia tried not to be disappointed that he had to leave so soon.

Sofia had gotten the impression during the last few weeks of school, that she and Regulus were going to spend every waking moment of the summer together—well maybe not every moment, but a fair amount of time. But she quickly realised that that would not be the case.

Regulus couldn't get away from his house too often, certainly not every day, especially when it was so hard to come up with excuses as to what he was doing. So, in the first three weeks of summer vacation, Sofia had seen him a grand total of five times.

And to put a cherry on top of her shitty summer, she hadn't even seen Sirius at all. Sofia had thought that things might be going back to normal with him at Hogwarts, but she'd clearly been wrong. She'd gotten a few letters from him, but they were brief and hardly personal.

Sofia loved her siblings, like a lot, but she really wanted to spend some time with her freaking boyfriend, and with her best friend.

She met Regulus on a Thursday evening at a dodgy pub a few ways away from her neighbourhood, and they were let in after a quick Confundus charm. They sat at the corner of the bar and Sofia ordered for the both of them.

Regulus grimaced as he sipped his drink. "Agh, what is this?"

Sofia grinned. "Tequila! The best liquid on Earth."

Regulus glared at his glass like it had personally wronged him. "It's absolutely disgusting."

Sofia rolled her eyes. "It tastes like... invincibility."

Regulus snorted. "You're such a Gryffindor."

Sofia downed her drink and asked for another. "Did I tell you Sirius is back in town?"

Regulus looked extremely uninterested. "Is he?"

Sofia nodded. "He only told me yesterday, but he's been back for like a week."

He finally met her eyes. "So you haven't seen him?"

Sofia shook her head. "You know, I think the last time we went over three weeks without seeing each other was back before he'd run away from home."

"So... you think he's still upset... about us?"

Sofia shrugged non-committally.

Regulus put a hand on her arm to get her to look at him. "Come on. Talk to me."

Sofia sighed. "I don't know! I don't want to talk about this right now."

He didn't speak for a few seconds but then he finally let it go. "What do you want to talk about then?"

Truthfully, she didn't really want to talk about anything. She rested her head in her arms and looked at Regulus, his pretty grey eyes and that pouty unsmiling mouth that she would love to just take a bite out of. She giggled to herself. Her thoughts were going in a strange direction. "You're like... really pretty, you know?"

To Sofia's slight surprise but extreme joy, Regulus actually flustered at her words. A bit of red crept up his cheeks. He looked at her, unsure what to say.

Sofia saved him from embarrassment by lifting her head and planting a kiss on those criminally inviting lips. She set a hand on the back of his neck and kissed him until he gently took her hand drew her away from him. She frowned and tried not to pout, at which she failed spectacularly.

Regulus leaned towards her and whispered, "the barkeep's looking at us weird."

"Who cares?" Sofia said in frustration.

She ordered another drink.

"Maybe you should slow down a little."

Sofia scowled. "Who are you, my dad?"

Regulus looked slightly exasperated. "We have limited time together, it'd be nice if you were coherent for some of it."

She didn't know if it was the alcohol, but she was getting mad. "Well, that's hardly my fucking fault, I'm sitting at home all day waiting for you like I'm freaking Penelope, while you're off courting Bitchface Travers!"

Regulus looked like he'd just been punched in the gut. "That's not fair, Sofia."

"Maybe not! But it's true. Are you even trying to get out of it? Because I've no fucking idea since you won't tell me shit!"

Regulus took a deep breath. "I am trying. But it's hard."

Sofia laughed but she felt like crying. "Right. And running away from home wouldn't be the solution because..."

He sighed. "Not this again."

Sofia scowled. "Don't you sigh at me! I don't even know what your plan B is! I'm not fucking stupid, I could help you!"

He seemed to soften. "I know you could. But it's my family. And I've gotta deal with this on my own. I'll tell you everything soon... you just gotta give me some time."

Sofia stared at her hands, trying to keep her tears in. She didn't understand him at all. But she understood family, and as shitty as his family was, she understood that need to be on good terms with them. Somewhat understood. And yes, his family was terrible, but she couldn't ask him to choose her over them. She just couldn't. She tried to breathe to calm herself. "I know... I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologise, Sofia. I'm the one who should be apologising."

She couldn't hold the tears back anymore. "I just... I want to be able to have a goddamn normal relationship."

He stood up and gathered her in his arms. She cried into his chest. He stroked her back with a comforting hand. "Come on, I'll take you home."

She let go of him. "I can't go home like this," Sofia cried. Then she downed another shot of tequila. She didn't even remember at what point in the night she'd switched from margaritas to straight tequila.

Regulus gave her a look. "We'll take a cab so you can have some time to sober up."

She groaned. Regulus took her by the arm and led her out of the pub into the street. Tears were still running down Sofia's face. Her mascara surely ruined by now.

Regulus hailed a cab and nudged Sofia into the backseat. Sofia rested her head on his shoulder, the tears still flowing slowly from her eyes.

Regulus rubbed her arm up an down and shushed her. "It's okay, love. It's okay."

Sofia snorted. Then she sobbed, which she was sure made her look as disgusting as she felt.

She took a steadying breath, trying to pull herself together. "I love you so much," she said with a crazed laugh. "Isn't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

Sofia looked up at him and slowly, his lips turned up into a wicked smile.

Sofia didn't see Regulus again until a few days later. This time it was him who sent the tiny piece of parchment with a time and place. Sofia tried not to feel embarrassed about the way Regulus had left her after having to physically remove her from the pub. She definitely hadn't been sober by the time they reached her building and Regulus had had to Apparate her all the way to her door, and then he had somehow very quietly tucked her into bed without waking Natasha.

Sofia wrung her hands as she sat on the booth of the casual diner she and Regulus had eaten at a few time during the summer. She smiled when she spotted him but it was short-lived. He had looked a little down when Sofia had last seen him but the look on his face now was of pure darkness. A knot formed in her throat. He didn't hug her or kiss her, he barely even looked at her as he sat in front of her.

Sofia tensed, waiting for him to say something.

He took a deep breath. "I couldn't do it, Sofia."

Sofia inhaled sharply. "Do what?"

There was a pained look in his eyes. "I couldn't get out of it. The engagement. The Death Eaters."

Sofia felt sick. The world around her seemed to blur. "What do you mean you couldn't get out of it?"

He looked away from her. "You know that I have... done things I'm not proud of. It seems like they might come back to bite me." His expression was impenetrable, his face a mask.

Sofia felt herself starting to freak out. "You said just the other day you were working on it! What the hell changed?"

"And I have been... but things haven't worked out the way I thought they would. There's no way out. And I might have been a fool to think there would be."

"I can help you, Regulus! Just tell me what you need and I'll help you!" Sofia's tone leaned towards desperation, but she couldn't find it in herself to care about how pathetic she sounded right now.

He gave the slightest shake of his head. "I can't."

Sofia wanted to scream. "Whatever they're holding over you... you can tell me. I swear I won't judge you, I only want to help you!"

He looked at her harshly. "You can't help me, Sofia. No one can."

"Why not!"

"If I tell you everything... you're going to get up from this table and you will never speak to me again."

"So... you're just going to do these things that you don't want to do? How is that better?"

He swallowed hard. "I have to do this, Sofia. I wish more than anything that things were different... that we were different people, that we had met under different circumstances but these are the cards we've been dealt."

Sofia felt numb. Just absolutely numb. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So that's it then? You're giving up on us? After I told you I loved you... after I ruined the most important friendship of my life for you?"

He looked at her, his eyes looked deeply into hers but he betrayed no emotion. "Seems like this might be a good way to repair that friendship, don't you think?"

Sofia scoffed. She had no idea who the person sitting in front of her was right now. "Is that all you have to say? You're leaving me and that's all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry, Bessonova. Truly."

But Sofia wasn't too sure he even meant it. She wanted to yell, to throw things, to punch him in the face, maybe knock some sense into him. She wanted to tell him that she could've loved him for a lifetime, that she would wait as long as it took, that she would not let him leave that restaurant until they fixed this. But he clearly had no interest in her feelings anymore. She would only embarrass herself.

She tried to keep her voice steady. "You're really doing this? There's nothing I can say to make you change your mind?"

"As I said, I'm sorry. But there is nothing you can do. I... am marrying Eliana Travers."

Sofia searched his face, hoping to find an answer there but he gave her nothing. Sofia wanted to die. She knew that sounded extremely dramatic but she literally would have rather been dead at that moment. She had to get out of there. She looked anywhere but at him.

"I don't regret having had a... relationship with you, Sofia. But you couldn't have thought we could've gone on like that forever. Not being who we are," his tone wasn't even cruel, just factual.

She had had doubts after Regulus's parents found out about them, but she never thought it'd just... end like this. "Why don't you fucking let me help you?" Her voice was strained.

"I don't want or need your help, Bessonova. This is my choice." His eyes were stormy. He hadn't looked at her like that in... a long time.

She stood up suddenly. Her chest felt heavy.

"Fine," she spat out. "If this is what you want. Fucking fine."

She turned around and only then did she let her face fall. She stormed out.