AN: Hi, this was originally part of the previous chapter that I split last minute so I decided to just post it rn. Also, I just realised there's only like four or five chapters left in this story :/ and they're all A LOT, so this chapter is a nice little break before we dive into some emotional rollercoasters and questionable decision-making :)) Thank you so much for the reviews, you have no idea how much I appreciate them mwah I love y'all. Also, can you believe ariana grande literally wrote ghostin about Sofia and Sirius.

ghostin — ariana grande

"though i wish he were here instead

don't want that living in your head."

The events of the previous night hit Sofia like a ton of bricks the next morning. She didn't even remember falling asleep.

She had felt numb on the way back home from the diner but as soon as she'd walked in the door the tears had started falling involuntarily from her eyes. She tried to hide but it was quite impossible in a tiny flat she shared with four other people.

Her mother had immediately ushered Sofia into her room. Then Sofia had given a half-assed explanation about how she'd been seeing some guy at school that she really liked and he had just broken up with her in a terrible way. Luckily, Mum had accepted it and had only sent for Natasha to fetch some ice cream while Sofia laid her head on her lap and cried.

She must've fallen asleep at some point after the ice cream and all the crying. She only hoped she hadn't disturbed Natasha's sleep too much.

It was already light out, and Natasha was out of bed. Sofia heard voices outside and recognised Sirius's voice.

There was a knock on her door and Sirius walked in. He looked at her softly. "Your mum called me."

Sofia sat up and pulled her legs into her chest.

"Can I sit?" Sirius asked and Sofia nodded. "So... is it over? For good?"

Sofia looked up at him. He didn't seem especially angry or smug. Just concerned.

She nodded tentatively.

Sirius scooted over towards her and folded her into his arms. "I'm sorry."

Sofia's eyes filled with tears. Her throat felt tight. "It was my own fault. You were right. I should've known."

Sirius sighed deeply. "This is not your fault. At all."

Sofia laid her head on Sirius's chest. "I... I thought I had him figured out. But I'm starting to think that I didn't know shit."

"You made a mistake, Sofia. It happens. Especially when you're blinded by..."

Sofia averted her eyes. "You can say it. Love."

Sirius went very still. "You really loved him?"

"I... I thought I did. But I might be wrong." She wanted to be wrong. But she knew deep in her heart that she still ached with love for him, which just made her feel so fucking stupid admitting just how hard she'd fallen for him now. Regulus had been right. She'd been stupid to think they would last forever.

"It's okay, Sonya. You'll get through this. I know you will."

Sofia appreciated him holding back what he really thought.

"He never deserved you," Sirius said. "Not even a little bit."

"Can we not talk about this? It's over now. I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to think about him."

Sirius nodded and pressed a kiss on top of her head. And Sofia thought she might actually be alright.

Sofia tried her hardest to act like everything was fine over the next couple of weeks. Mostly for her siblings' sake. The worried look on Ivan's face after she'd come out of her room the morning after The Event was burned into her mind now and she never wanted to see it again. Better to fake a smile for his sake.

Her birthday rolled around and Sofia honestly wouldn't have noticed if Sirius hadn't reminded her. He'd wanted to have a party. So she could distract herself. He'd been her lifeline for the past weeks and he'd practically moved into the flat with how much he was there. She agreed to a small dinner party in the end. The only guests being her family, Sirius and Chloe.

Sofia looked at all her loved ones sitting around in the living room and couldn't help but wonder how Regulus would have fit in there. The more she thought about it, the more she knew he had been right. He'd never fit in there. Especially if he refused to abandon his old beliefs completely.

But she had to stop thinking about it or she'd start crying again. Although she'd be surprised if her tear ducts weren't completely empty by now.

Her mother handed her a slice of the cake she'd just cut and a pang of pain went through Sofia. Strawberry. That was what his Amortentia had smelled like. The ice cream he'd eaten every time they went to the park. Her eyes brimmed with tears against her will.

She tried to take a deep breath to calm down but it wasn't quite working.

Sirius took her hand. "Hey, are you okay?"

She glanced at him. "I... I'm just..."

Sirius pulled her up from the couch, discarding her cake and pulled her into her room.

Sofia wiped her eyes, still taking deep breaths. "I really don't want to cry again. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's okay," he said softly. "You can cry if you need to."

"No! I can't!" She exclaimed.

He frowned. "Why not?"

Another deep breath. Sofia felt like she might not break down into tears now. "Because you've been so understanding!"

"And that's why you can't cry?"

"I've been putting you through this for weeks now! And I know you don't want to admit it but I know it hurts you... when I cry over him."

He sat down on the bed, as if his legs couldn't quite hold him anymore. He looked down at his hands. "Sofia. You're my best friend. I'm going to comfort you, even if it hurts me. And I know you'd do the same."

Sofia hated how fair he was being right now. She sat down next to him. "You have no idea how sorry I am about everything. If only I hadn't been so stupid and... stubborn. I hate myself for ever believing he could love me enough to... change."

Sirius lifted his gaze up to hers and pulled on her chin so she'd look at him. "You are not stupid, Sonya. Regulus is the stupid one here. He was too blind to see what was in front of him. I'll never understand why he wouldn't fight for you. I just can't fathom it."

Sofia took a deep breath. "You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?"

"You're being too good and understanding and I don't deserve it! I... broke your heart for nothing."

He smiled a sad smile. "Do you regret it? The heart-breaking?"

"Of course I regret it! You're my best friend and I love you and there are so many things I would've done differently if I'd known what I do now. I feel so stupid."

Sirius half-shrugged. "Well, the past is the past now. But at least there's room for the future."

Sofia frowned. She was about to speak again when he leaned in and kissed her. Sofia tensed at first, unsure what the hell was happening. Then she didn't quite know why but she kissed him back.

It was different than kissing Regulus and Sofia didn't quite know what to do with her hands but it wasn't bad.

Sirius stroked her cheek and drew back. There was a smile on his face. It made Sofia's heart leap. She knew she'd been putting him down with all her doom and gloom lately and she was glad to make him happy if at least for a minute.

"We should go back to the party," Sirius said. "Or your mum will think you're being rude."

Sofia nodded and stood. Sirius led her out of the room by the hand and Sofia wondered if she'd just made a horrible mistake.

They didn't talk about the kiss for the rest of the night. Eventually, Sirius and everyone else who didn't live in the flat left and Sofia felt like she'd been hit by a train.

She shouldn't have kissed Sirius. It was mean and wrong and as much as she had liked the smile on his face, it was wrong of her to lead him on like that. Part of her had wanted to think that Sirius had gotten over his wishful thinking that they might be together.

Sofia's father knocked on her door the next morning.

"Hi," Sofia said.

"Hey," Papa sat down at the edge of her bed. "I... was warned not to say anything yesterday because it was your birthday but... your mum told me what happened."

Sofia sighed. Of course.

"I still remember my first heartbreak. It was a boy from my village. Stepan."

Sofia raised a brow. She didn't know that. "Really?"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was the first boy I ever liked him. I'd thought he felt the same. We were friends. But I'll never forget the look on his face when I... well, he was disgusted."

Sofia breathed in sharply. "I didn't know that. I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It happens. You hurt, then you move on. That's just life, dorogaya."

Sofia sat up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Why had you never told me that?"

"I guess I thought you didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to force you to listen to my sob stories."

And before she might not have wanted to. She'd been working on letting go of her anger lately though. "Well, next time, I do want to hear it. Even if it doesn't seem like it."

Papa smiled. "Sure thing, Sonechka."

She crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around him. She could feel his shoulder jutting out from its joint more than the last time she'd hugged him. She'd been trying to pretend that he was fine for so long that she wasn't prepared to face the fact that he might not have much time left. She held him closer.

Sirius showed up later that evening. Sofia dreaded the talk they were about to have but she had to say her piece. No more delaying and lying. She was done with that.

He smiled brightly upon seeing her and Sofia's heart broke a little. "Hey."

"Can we talk?" Sofia asked.

He nodded and they went into her room. He smiled at her as he sat at the edge of her bed.

Sofia steeled herself. "I... I don't know if I misled you last night but... I don't—I still don't have any romantic feelings towards you. I'm sorry."

The small vanished, slowly. "I though when you said you regretted breaking my heart... that you would've done things differently..."

"I regret how I handled things! And I would've done things differently if I hadn't been so clouded by my feelings for... for Regulus. But the last thing I want is to lead you on when this isn't what I want."

He nodded, eyes downcast. He didn't seem angry or even too sad. Maybe disappointed. "I guess I wanted to think you meant you had... reconsidered things, but I think deep down I knew nothing had changed."

"I am so sorry, Sirius."

He shook his head weakly. "No, it's okay. It's my own fault for still being stuck on you when I should be trying to... move on. I should've tried to move on when I realised you were in love with my freaking brother. But I couldn't let go of you."

Sofia swallowed. "Tell me what you need me to do. To help you get over this. I'll do anything. If you never want to see me again, I'll understand."

His lips quirked upwards. "I think I might need some time... away. But you are not getting rid of me that easily, Bessie. Having me as your best friend, that's forever. It might also help if you start wearing more clothes around me, if it's not too much to ask."

Sofia let out a soft gasp. She ran over to her closet and picked out a hoodie to put on over her tank top. She hadn't even thought about it before. "Take as long as you need. I'll be here."

He smiled and nodded once. Then he reached out and held her hand for a quick second. Yes, it might take some time, but they would be fine.