AN: I don't know if I should put in a warning for this but I do feel the need to say that if you're under like 15, do not read this chapter, or at least the second scene of this chapter. I promise you won't miss anything, and you'll be able to infer what happened in the next chapter.
And thank you for the reviews they are very much appreciated !
right where you left me — taylor swift
"did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
breakups happen every day you don't have to lose it."
Sofia seriously considered not going back to Hogwarts come September. But if she really thought about it, her main reason would be so she didn't have to look at Regulus again, and she would not let him dictate what she did with her life.
So, even though both Sirius and Chloe had graduated, and the only other person Sofia cared about in the castle had dumped her unceremoniously, she held her head high and got on that damn train on September first.
She sat alone during the Welcome Feast. She had no interest in making any sort of new friends. She just wanted to keep her head down and get through this year unscathed.
It was at the feast when she finally spotted him. The first time she saw him since that day. She had tried not to look in the direction of the Slytherin table but her eyes had betrayed her. He sat next to Eliana, quiet and stoic, eyes firmly away from the Gryffindor table.
Sofia looked away quickly. She felt sick. Even though he clearly didn't even like Eliana all that much, he'd still chosen her over Sofia. That might have actually been worse than if he left Sofia because he was actually in love with someone else.
"Hey, Bess."
One of Sofia's dormmates, a petite redhead, Jessica, had sat next to her. Sofia had never been especially close with any of her roommates but she supposed Jessica was fine. Sofia nodded at her. "Jessica."
"You can call me Jessie, you know. I thought you might want some company," Jessica said with a friendly smile. "You know since Sirius graduated and you broke up with..."
Sofia's jaw tensed. "Well, I don't want company, Jessica," she snapped.
Jessica shifted away from Sofia. "I was just trying to help."
"Don't want or need your help."
Jessica sighed as she stood up. "All right, then. Have it your way."
She left and Sofia wondered for a moment if she should've been less mean. She had done an amazing job at being less mean in general during the previous year. But the thought of being friendly right now made her want to crawl into a hole.
She almost made it through the entire meal when another one of her dormmates decided to sit next to her. Sofia groaned internally. Why were these girls all of a sudden wanting to be friends with her after five years?
It was Lacey this time. Sofia didn't know her very well, she only knew that she was the resident mean girl of Gryffindor, Sofia kind of resented her for stealing the title out from under her, but Sofia didn't usually go out of her way to act like a queen bee as Lacey did. So, she supposed it was fair.
"Jessica is such a lame goody-two-shoes," Lacey said in a conspiratorial tone. "So glad you got rid of her. You know, I always respected you for how you had Sirius Black chasing after you for—"
Sofia stood up suddenly. "Oh my god, does no one here understand that I don't want to be friends with any of you? Leave me the fuck alone."
Lacey had a snarl on her face as Sofia walked away. Sofia didn't care if her dormmates hated her after this. The sooner she was done with Hogwarts, the better.
Sofia managed fine through the first month. She spoke to her classmates only when strictly necessary, ate her meals alone, and retreated to her dorm early on most days. She wrote home a lot. Tried not to write to Sirius all the time.
Sofia left the Great Hall early on the day of the Halloween Feast. She didn't care much for it. She headed up to the fifth floor, where her makeshift potions lab awaited.
She crossed the troll tapestry three times and thought, I need a place to brew potions.
The door appeared. She reached for the handle but halted when she heard a voice behind her.
"What is that?"
Sofia felt cold all of a sudden. Couldn't he just leave her be? Because she did not trust herself enough to have a full conversation with him without having a breakdown.
She turned and glared at Regulus. "None of your business, Black."
"Is that... some sort of secret room?"
"As I said, it's none of your business. Now leave me alone."
Regulus looked at the door behind Sofia as if he could figure out what was inside just by looking at it. "I think it is my business... you know, as Head Boy. You've been sneaking off to this room every day for weeks. Who knows what you might be hiding in there."
A cavewoman part of her was obsessed with the idea that he had noticed. "Why the hell have you been following me?"
He scoffed. "It's called being observant."
He took a step towards her. Got into her personal space and Sofia felt frozen. She held her breath. It was torture having him so close when he was so far gone.
He took advantage of her state and pushed the door open behind her. He walked into the room. "Is this... a potions lab?"
Sofia went in too. She didn't want to linger in the hallway for too long. "It is. See? Nothing illegal. Can you shove off now?"
He approached one of the cauldrons on her desk. "I don't know... I doubt McGonagall would be very pleased you're experimenting with all these substances unsupervised."
She glared at him. "I can handle myself."
"What I really want to know is how the hell did you put this together?"
Sofia wanted to tell him everything. Like she would've once. She wanted to tell him how she'd stumbled into the freaking Room of Requirements during the second week of class and it'd given her what she asked for. She wanted to see the impressed expression on his face, and the smile he used to give her when he was proud of her. "D'you really think I'm going to tell you that?"
He crossed his arms across his chest, looking forlorn. "Well... we were potions partners once."
Sofia felt her chest tighten. "I know you are not bringing that up right now."
Something seemed to soften in his eyes. He unfolded his arms. Took a step towards her. "I'm sorry, love. Really. Didn't mean to dig up old memories."
Sofia felt feral. "Don't fucking call me that."
He raised a hand as if he were going to touch her face. Sofia's eyes involuntarily went to the inside of his wrist. His sleeve rode up and Sofia braced herself to see the nasty black ink splatted over his inner forearm. But there was nothing but his pale skin.
She inhaled heavily. He'd stopped short of reaching her face but Sofia had snatched his wrist. It caught him off guard.
Her touch wasn't tender at all. She had a deadlock on his wrist as she stared at the pasty white forearm. She looked at him with confusion written all over her face. She dropped his arm.
"Oh, right," he said. "Not a Death Eater."
Sofia tried to regain her composure. "I thought..."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, well... believe it or not, Mother cares a lot more about keeping the Black bloodline pure than she does about Voldemort. So... now that I've agreed to the marriage, she has kind of laid off on the whole Death Eater thing."
Sofia didn't know what to think. What to feel. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"What would it have changed?"
Sofia took a deep breath. She looked at him. "What changes is that I understand. I understand why you're marrying her. I'm still mad, and I think there could have been another way to go about things and I'm still unbelievably mad at you... but I understand to some level."
He made a face. "And that's exactly what I didn't want. I don't want your... sympathy. I'm still taking the coward's way out."
Sofia couldn't argue with that. "Will you just tell me one thing?" She waited for him to nod. "Was it real? Any of it? Did you ever actually..."
She didn't say it out loud but Sofia hoped he could infer. Did he ever actually love her?
"I could tell you that I loved you, Sofia. That I think I'll love you for the rest of my life. But it wouldn't change anything. So I think I'd rather not answer that."
Sofia felt like she was going to pass out. "You... are a prick, Regulus Black."
He smiled sadly. "I know, love."
It infuriated Sofia, she took a step towards him and jabbed him in the chest with her finger as she spoke. "You are a prick and an arse and a liar and I... still fucking want you so bad." She choked back a sob.
He grabbed her hands to stop her attack on his chest. He stayed silent.
Sofia didn't know what to say after that plain embarrassing confession. "So, when's your wedding?"
"After graduation."
Sofia nodded. He still held her hands. She pulled away from him, taking a step back. "And Eliana?"
"What about her? She... she still thinks what she and I have is real and not a business transaction. She still thinks you're a vixen out to try to jump my bones. That's why she doesn't leave my side."
Huh. That thought made Sofia oddly happy. Her brows raised in amusement. "Does she?"
Regulus took a tiny step towards her and his eye roamed over her body from head to toe. Her robes covered her up pretty well, but his gaze still made Sofia feel like he could see all of her, down to the molecule. A small smirk played on Regulus's lips. "Don't worry, I've assured her your morals would never let you do anything with someone who's in a relationship."
Sofia threw her head back in laughter. She neared him, almost unconsciously. "And she believed that?"
"To be fair... I don't think you'd do that... you know, if it was someone you respected in at least a basic level," he said.
"And you would be right about that. Pity she's a blood purist bitch and I don't give a fuck about her feelings." Sofia paused. Now, what she said next was not something she was exactly proud of. Truth be told, she was still feeling a little feral and Regulus being so close was very much clouding her judgement and her thinking in general at the moment. "I could shag you right in front of her and I would be happy about how upset she'd be."
Something shifted in Regulus's eyes as he looked at her. He swallowed thickly and didn't reply for a few seconds. She'd clearly thrown him for a loop.
They had never actually done the deed during the brief time they had been together... they had come close, and they had definitely done other stuff. Many things had kept them from having sex back then. One had been the fact that there wasn't really a proper place to do it other than their Transfigured loveseat in their potions lab and Sofia wanted their first time to be a little more... dignified, not to mention Regulus's first time. Then there had been the fact that she had spent weeks of their relationship being depressed over Sirius, then being injured, then avoiding each other. She had wanted to do it sometime during the summer but... well.
Regulus recovered slightly. "Yeah, I guess you could... but you won't."
Sofia crossed her arms over her chest. "You seem very sure about that."
"Well, I also told her she didn't have to worry because I broke your heart... and you hated me for it."
Right. She'd almost forgotten about that. It didn't even make her sad to think about it right now, just angry. "And what does that have to do with sex? I could hate you and still want you for sex. I mean, do you really want to lose your virginity to her, after all?"
Regulus's eyes widened for a second. He seemed at a loss for words.
Sofia really should just leave it alone. She knew, she knew perfectly well that the direction this conversation was taking was not good. But her brain seemed to have checked out of said conversation, it was completely empty up there, baby. "I mean unless you guys have already..."
"No. No, we haven't even kissed."
It made Sofia almost giddy. He was still hers in some ways at least. She fought really hard to stop it, but a tiny smile overtook her features. God, this was a really bad idea.
Without thinking, she practically threw herself at him and caught his lips in a rough kiss. It took him a second to respond then he set a hand on her side and squeezed her close to him while Sofia gladly slipped her tongue into his mouth.
Then, as quickly as it had started, he pulled her away from him, hands firmly holding onto her waist. "What—what are you doing, Sofia?"
Sofia averted her eyes. God, this was so embarrassing and somehow not even that thought stopped her. She was going insane, there was no other explanation. "Just... just this once. Then we go back to being bitter exes."
She didn't know if Regulus had noticed that she hadn't specified exactly what it was she wanted just this once. Because honestly, she didn't know. There was still a tiny voice at the back of her head telling her that having sex with Regulus now would be an unbelievably bad idea, but there was another much louder voice that was just giggling at how elated she was to feel his lips on hers again.
Regulus searched her eyes. Then, he nodded, just once.
Sofia wrapped her arms around his neck and reached up again to kiss him. His hand covered almost her entire lower back, pulling her body into his and at that moment Sofia could not think about anything else but him. The man she loved... the man who had broken her heart. How was it that she didn't even care about those weeks she'd spent crying over him right now? How was it that she didn't even care that this might make things worse in the long run?
Regulus kissed her like he was being drafted into the war the next morning. Which Sofia guessed wasn't a completely off comparison... he'd just be fighting for the wrong side.
Sofia's legs went around his waist and his hands went up and down her tights and Sofia almost literally melted right then and there. He took a few steps forward and her bum landed on the desk. He pulled away.
Sofia was getting annoyed at his interruptions. "Now what?"
"I guess I just want to know how far you want to take this... because as much as I want to do this with you... I don't deserve you... not to mention you deserve much better than this... than shagging some guy who's engaged to someone else."
Sofia deflated. She leaned her forehead against his and took a breath. "You underestimate how much I fucking hate Eliana," she said quietly.
"Come on, seriously. I don't want you to do this just because of that."
"Do you want to do this?"
He chuckled drily. "Do I want to? Sofia. Merlin, I think you can feel how much I want to do this."
Sofia smiled. She could, actually. She exhaled in a shuddering sigh. "Just kiss me, will you?"
Regulus nodded slowly, then he captured her lips again.
A bed had appeared at the end of the room at some point and Sofia knew that it was because the room could sense they wanted it. She briefly wondered if it was weird to have sex in a sentient room.
Regulus certainly didn't give a shit how the hell a bed had appeared out of nowhere as he carried her over there and laid her down in front of him. Sofia pulled her robes over her head and she was left in a small pair of shorts and a black bra. Regulus took a second to look at her. "Merlin, you're fucking beautiful."
He leaned down to kiss her again. His mouth shifted to her neck, then he seemed determined to roam every inch of her body. Sofia felt like she was on fire. He toyed with the elastic waistband of her shorts and Sofia waited for him to just pull them off but he didn't. His hands went back up to caress her figure, her bare stomach, her breasts and his hands were so warm and his touch so intoxicating and she tried to stop herself from needing him so bad but it was damn hard.
Sofia pushed him off her so she could get rid of his clothes, leaving him in only his underwear. God, Sofia had missed his lean Seeker's body. Regulus's breathing was heavy as he looked at her. There was a sad, haunted look in his eyes.
He stroked her cheek tenderly and pulled her in for a deep, slow kiss. He kissed her like that and Sofia almost felt like this was real. Like they were just two people in love. Then she felt like crying because she loved him so much and this moment was so perfect. And when it ended that would be it. He would be gone and she... she would probably still be right where he left her.