Author's Note: Another out-of-order chapter happening prior to Infiltration. I'll re-order these chapters after a while, but I want to keep the new chapters at the end for now.

Shepard groaned.

"It's a valuable research station," came Miranda's voice reproachfully. "And it's not solely affiliated with Cerberus. It's a power source station. That's important."

"Doesn't mean I like running these little Cerberus errands," she grumbled, and she heard Miranda shift over the comm.

"I suggest we just deal with it, Shepard," she advised. "It's got crucial information that we don't want to fall in the wrong hands."

Shepard closed the line, then heaved a very long sigh.

"So!" came Joker's jovial voice over the comms after an awkward moment of silence. "Who wants a chance to glow in the dark? Going once? Going twice?"

"Nobody's going to glow in the dark," she muttered, rubbing one hand over her face tiredly.

"Glow in the dark?" piped Tali as she exited the elevator, and Shepard groaned again, slouching over the galaxy map railing.

"Nobody's going to glow in the dark," she repeated sourly, head hanging down. "Miranda needs us to go deactivate a nuclear reactor that's malfunctioned. It's on a research station."

"Is there a lot of radiation?" Tali asked suspiciously, and Shepard leaned back, wincing as her back popped.

"She claims scans say it's pretty contained right now. The levels are a bit higher than normal background radiation on spaceships, but not dangerous." She stretched, reaching her hands toward the ceiling; Tali made a slightly disturbed noise as Shepard's stretch resulted in another series of popping joints. "The control room is on the second floor; the reactor core is on the fourth. We should be fine."

"I'd suggest taking Garrus," Tali said slowly. "He's got a carapace. He's better suited for harsh environments like that."

"Maybe." Shepard slouched back down and rolled her shoulders, and began walking around the consoles toward the front of the ship. Tali followed, hands behind her back. "I need people who know a lot about reactors and reactor cores, though. This thing's old and it's been retrofitted by whoever bought it, so it's not a straight design - which means we may have to improvise if the shutdown controls are busted."

"Mordin," Tali suggested. "He's - "

"The resident mad scientist," Joker interjected over his shoulder as they approached. "He'd be a great choice for this. Plus, I think it'd be funny if he lit up like a glow stick."

"That's not how radiation works," Shepard told him flatly.

"Sure it is," Joker said facetiously, idly tapping at the controls and smirking. "But, uh - yeah, who're you taking?"

Shepard leaned forward onto the back of Joker's chair. "Mordin, and…" She sighed again, her head hanging down. "Tali, you've got experience with power sources and handling ship power cores."

The quarian flinched. "Radiation can weaken the immune system," she said hesitantly. "I still think Garrus would be a good choice."

Shepard frowned, staring at the controls as Joker continued tapping away. "I won't insist - you know your limits better than anyone, but your expertise is pretty valuable."

Tali tilted her head to one side, then glanced over Joker's shoulder. "What is the current energy output?" she asked speculatively.

"Its current generation is at approximately 600 megawatts," EDI answered, and Tali tilted her head further - the quarian's version of a frown.

"Only 600?"

"They hit the scram button three hours ago and it's still kicking out power," Joker remarked. "Something's jammed, so they, uh… scrammed." He snorted; Shepard and Tali groaned in unison.

"What type of reactor is it?" Tali asked.

"Non-pressurized element-zero shield reactor."

Tali straightened in surprise and crossed her arms, one foot tapping on the floor nervously. "Shepard, how old is this station? We haven't used those on spaceships in fifty years."

"It's allegedly an ex-Alliance research station that got bought out by a private company."

"Cerberus?" Tali asked suspiciously, but Shepard shook her head.

"Affiliated with Cerberus, but I don't think it's actually owned by Cerberus. Though," she added sourly, "I doubt His Illusive Majesty would tell me if it was."

"And their engineering isn't capable of dealing with this?"

"It's still being set up for proper use," came a prim voice; Shepard turned as Miranda approached. "This was a first power-up to see if it was still in functional capacity." She crossed her arms, leaning on one leg. "Apparently, it's not. Have you picked a squad?"

"Mordin, and either Garrus or Tali," Shepard answered. "It's up to Tali. If she wants to come, great; if she'd rather not risk it, that's fine too." The latter half of the sentence was said very firmly, with a sharp look at Miranda, as if challenging her to say otherwise.

Miranda ignored the look. "Well, let me know if you need anything."

"I'm going to go get Mordin," Shepard muttered. "Tali, I'm not going to be upset with you either way, but I'll need a decision by the time I get back."

The quarian nodded. "Let me think about it for a moment," she requested. "I need to check a few things."

"Surprised you came," Mordin remarked mildly, clicking what looked like a small pen - a dosimeter, to measure radiation - into place on the collar of his armor.

"Yes, well, I can't let you all have all the fun," Tali grumbled; she was fidgeting with her shotgun as the ship neared the evacuated station.

"I appreciate you doing this, Tali," Shepard said quietly, waiting for the telltale jolt that was the ship docking with the station's airlock. "Dr. Chakwas will have plenty of antibiotics on hand just in case something happens."

"Hopefully that won't be needed," Tali added, flicking the safety on and off. "Though I appreciate it."

Mordin eyed Tali's weapon; her finger wasn't on the trigger. "Expecting hostility?" he inquired.

"No, but you never know when a speeding bullet will come in handy," Tali commented as Shepard shifted her armor, trying to take the weight off her shoulders for a moment.

"You all ready? I don't want to risk this taking any longer than it needs to. We're racing against the clock here; the longer we wait, the more likely this thing will go into a full meltdown, right? So check your dosimeters and make sure they're ready."

"Ready," Tali stated, checking the radiation meter clipped to her suit.

"Ready," Mordin echoed, doing the same.

As soon as the ship had docked, the three were out into the hallway. The station was eerily quiet; in low-power mode, the lights were dimmed, casting long shadows on the metallic walls, and a number of black-light safety lights made the fluorescent safety paint striping the floor glow a brilliant orange.

"Well, this place looks homey," Tali commented sarcastically as they sprinted along. "Where's the control room?"

"Left," Shepard said immediately, omni-tool at the ready. "Come on. Speed's the game, here."

"Got it," Tali murmured, following as Shepard rounded the corner at a run; Mordin followed in turn. "I want to get a good idea of this thing's status," she added.

"Tali, when we get to the control room, I want you to prioritize figuring out why the scram didn't go through properly," Shepard panted. "Mordin, I want you to prioritize figuring out how much time we've got until - JUMP!" Shepard yelled; she'd come around a turn, revealing a number of missing grates in the floor, creating a drop down to the level below. Unable to slow her momentum, she threw as much as she could into the leap, landing on the other side with a resounding clang as her armor hit the metal flooring.

Tali shrieked, backpedaling and skidding to a stop, and Mordin let out an irritated huff as he nearly ran headlong into her.

"Sorry!" Tali said frantically. "Sorry, I - Shepard, can you be ready to catch me if I don't make it?"

"Hurry," Shepard replied tightly, taking a step forward, one arm outstretched, and Tali took several steps backward, then threw herself across the gap. Shepard caught Tali's hand easily and pulled her across.

"Mordin? Can you make it? Oh, who am I kidding," Shepard muttered. "If you can jump high enough to put a dent in the damn tech lab ceiling, you can jump this."

Mordin gave a tense smile, then took one step backward, crouched, and leaped.

Technically, he cleared the gap easily; when he landed, Shepard turned to keep running, but Mordin wobbled and tried to take a few steps to counter his own momentum, then -

THUD.

Shepard frowned and turned, spinning on her heel. "Mordin?"

"Tiyvahsak," the salarian muttered viciously, sitting on the ground and wriggling his leg. "Kora reilnoh."

"Bad timing for what?" Shepard asked warily; her translator's Covus ability was switched off, as was her habit lately, though her knowledge of the language was good enough to register the phrase bad timing. She held out a hand, and he took it and stood gingerly, testing his weight on his right leg.

"Shouldn't affect mission," he said, apparently satisfied with his leg, and he stood straighter. "Merely uncomfortable."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at him, then jabbed a finger into his chest. "You tell me the second anything goes wrong," she demanded sharply. "Of all missions, this is not the one to just stick something out because you think it'll be a hindrance."

Mordin blinked, taken aback. "Wouldn't jeopardize mission," he said honestly.

"Then let's keep going," she told him, and turned to keep running.

"Power output is stable, but rising," Tali reported, her fingers a blur on her omni-tool. "Shepard, the temperature is rising. I can't see any reason the scram wouldn't have taken, unless it's pure mechanical failure."

"And I doubt anybody wanted to stick their head in an active reactor to find out," Shepard muttered, leaning heavily on the console in front of her. "Aren't they supposed to have cameras in the chamber?"

"Appear to have melted," Mordin said in rather clipped tones. "Likely put there as an afterthought." He shook his head, disgusted. "Shoddy workmanship. Risky."

"How are we on timing?" she asked him, and he leaned forward, tapping a few controls.

"Not bad. Would estimate approximately half-hour before true meltdown occurs."

"That's a bit generous," Tali interjected. "With the temperature rising, I'd estimate closer to twenty minutes."

Shepard groaned. "And that's not bad?" she asked sourly, shooting Mordin a glare.

"Compared to instantaneous, which is possible," Mordin told her flatly, and the commander heaved a sigh.

"I'm getting fed up with all this," she grumbled. "'Shepard do this, Shepard do that!' Can't I have a nice, easy mission for once?"

"At least we're not being shot at," Tali offered; there was a dull thud as Shepard brought her head to rest on an unoccupied space on the console.

"Ah, yes, at least there's that," Shepard muttered sarcastically, waving a hand.

"Idea," Mordin stated. "Mechanical failure may mean simple solution."

"We need a look at the mechanism," Tali said decisively. "We may be able to trigger the rest of the scram procedure. That's what you were going to say, right?" she asked Mordin, and he nodded.

"Please tell me that doesn't mean cracking open the reactor," Shepard stated; Mordin and Tali exchanged glances. "Your silence is not encouraging."

"These reactors are built so they can be maintained even during operation," Tali reasoned. "The eezo shields keep the radiation limited to the bottom of the shaft. Humans used to do it with water instead of eezo."

"And the reactor is broken," Shepard said, raising her head and fixing Tali with a withering look. "We have no guarantee that the shields are still working."

"Could throw dosimeter in," Mordin suggested after a moment, and Shepard snorted despite herself.

"Are you seriously suggesting we just chuck a spare dosimeter in an active nuclear reactor?"

"Not at all," Mordin said, smiling faintly. "Would be more effective to attach to end of stick first."

Shepard paused, then laughed. "Tali?"

"Actually, he's not wrong," she said thoughtfully. "If we stuck a dosimeter on the end of a stick, then stuck it into the reactor maintenance hatch, we could get a picture of how much radiation is reaching the top of the shaft. Then, if it's safe, we manually trigger the control rods."

Shepard glanced between her two squadmates, then threw her hands up in the air. "This is ridiculous," she said, staring at the ceiling. "This is utterly ridiculous." She let her hands fall to her sides, then she rubbed one palm over her face. "I don't have a better solution, though. Who has an extra dosimeter? And someone find a stick. And some duct tape."

"This is ridiculous," Shepard muttered for about the fifth time, eyeing the dubious contraption: a broomstick with one of Mordin's spare dosimeters (he'd apparently brought about five of them in his paranoia, which Shepard privately thought was overkill) taped to the end.

"I think it's funny," Tali giggled, waving the broomstick like a baseball bat; Mordin ducked out of the way as he walked past without even breaking stride. "Brings back memories, honestly."

"Memories?"

"We'd have to makeshift solutions all the time in the flotilla," the quarian explained. "Sometimes it was 3D-printed, fancy-looking parts, or buying parts from suppliers, but sometimes…" She shrugged. "Sometimes it was a broomstick and some duct tape."

"Respirators," Mordin warned, gesturing to equipment along the adjacent wall as he tapped a code into the keypad near the maintenance hatch. "Do not breathe the air in once opened."

"Already got it covered," Tali said cheekily, and Shepard chuckled as she strapped one of the respirators on - then paused.

"Uh, Mordin?"

"Mm?"

"These are all human respirators," Shepard pointed out, and Mordin turned with a frown.

"No full-face ones?"

"Doesn't look like it," she mused, surveying the available equipment, and Mordin sniffed haughtily. "You can't just hold your breath."

Tali silently held up the duct tape, and Mordin reared back, pointing at her.

"No."

"What?" Shepard asked suspiciously.

Tali giggled again. "It's not pleasant, but sometimes if you can obstruct the nostrils, salarians can use face masks meant for other species."

"No," Mordin repeated fervently as Shepard blinked slowly.

"You're suggesting he duct-tape his nostrils," she stated slowly. "That doesn't sound safe."

"Sao," Mordin said, rolling his eyes and switching to rapid-fire Covus. "Bhian yehb! Kora rehirnoh!"

"Well, what do you suggest, then?" Tali asked - her translator filtered the Covus easily, and she put one hand on her hip. "I don't see another option, do you?"

Shepard's translator was still disabled for Covus, but she could, at least, make out the words bad practice. "I don't like the duct tape idea, but you can't risk breathing this in."

Mordin mutely grabbed a respirator and fitted it onto his face as best he could, then stripped his gloves off and covered his nostrils - which peeked over the edge of the respirator - with two fingers.

"That looks like a cross between that weird I'm-watching-you gesture that humans do, and the funny one where they stick their tongue out."

"Tali!" Shepard barked; behind her, Mordin dropped his hand, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply.

"What? I'm just saying!" Tali said defensively, waving the dosimeter on a stick as if it would keep Shepard at bay as the commander rounded on her.

"Mordin, will that work?" Shepard asked, turning, and was relieved to see the salarian give a stiff nod, his eyes flicking warily to the quarian.

"Will be sufficient," he said loftily.

"Duct tape's here if you need it," Tali said, then yelped, dancing backward, as Shepard lunged for the dosimeter broomstick.

"Get the hatch open, Mordin," Shepard advised, wrestling the broomstick away from Tali and settling her hands on it as if it were a spear. "We're wasting time."

Mordin nodded; after a moment of hesitation, he tensed his fingers, activating the grip pads on the tips, and covered his nostrils again, the sticky pads adhering to the skin and making an airtight seal. He punched in the rest of the code with his free hand, then hit enter, and a deafening alarm blared as the maintenance hatch slowly swung upwards, and a wave of heat billowed out.

Shepard immediately thrust the dosimeter end of the stick into the space - only for the end to bounce off a dull gray rod jutting down from the top of the chamber. She left the dosimeter hovering near the rods, waiting for it to begin clicking a warning - but it remained silent.

"Well, I guess we can see that the scram procedure got jammed," Tali remarked, leaning forward to look at the rods. "In a scram, these are supposed to drop all the way into the reactor."

"Jammed?" Mordin asked, sounding distinctly nasal with his nostrils blocked. "Dosimeter not sounding alarm yet."

"The shielding must still be working," Tali said with relief. "Shepard, move. I might be able to see what's stopping the control rods."

"You're not sticking your head in there," Shepard warned darkly as Tali nudged her out of the way.

"Of course not," Tali scoffed, activating her omni-tool. "Just my omni-tool." With that, she stuck her fist into the hatch.

"Tali!" Shepard yelped, dropping the broomstick and lunging forward. "Radiation!"

"It's safe!" Tali defended, pulling back and waving her hands. "For a moment, at least! Here, let's see if I got anything on video."

The other two crowded around her as she sent the replay command to her omni-tool. The video was only about two seconds long, but Tali froze it at the clearest point, the tiny image jittering across her palm.

"I don't see anything," she said pensively.

"No - corner," Mordin said suddenly, pointing, and Shepard and Tali squinted.

"Is that… is that the remainder of one of the cameras?" Tali asked with disbelief, and Shepard groaned.

"If one of their aftermarket cameras is what jammed their shutdown procedure," she muttered, "I'm going to take it and jam it up the Illusive Man's ass."

"Irradiated. Would cause tissue damage," Mordin said without thinking, his free hand to his chin and deep in thought; Shepard snorted as Tali stifled another giggle.

"Oh, it would cause more than that," Shepard stated rebelliously, grabbing Tali's wrist and examining the frozen image again. "How do we dislodge it?"

Mordin frowned, eyes narrowed. "Too far to reach by hand. Rods blocking stick."

"I bet my combat drone could get it," Tali said suddenly.

"Do it. We're wasting time, and I'm getting nervous being this close to the thing," Shepard said, her voice muffled through the respirator, and Tali gestured. Her combat drone sprang to life.

"Peculiar," Mordin said slowly, still mulling over the melted camera. "If melted, force from rods' driving springs should push rods through."

"It's a commercial retrofit," Tali scoffed, nudging the combat drone through the hatch; it barely squeezed through, then dropped down under the rods and came up the other side. "There's no telling what stupid stuff they did to this thing. Do not shoot the rods!" she called, rapidly giving the drone commands through her omni-tool. "Let's see… Okay, if the drone can get closer to the far wall, it should be able to shoot the camera debris just once to dislodge it."

"Do it carefully," Shepard said tersely as Mordin shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Quickly."

"Wait - " Mordin began at the exact moment the drone fired; there was an ear-splitting shriek of metal on metal, and instead of dropping down and out of sight, the control rods began to rise.

Mordin stopped, motionless, his expression frozen with alarm; Tali did the same, then she began to hastily tap commands into her omni-tool, muttering panicked curses.

"Explain what's happening," Shepard demanded, catching sight of Mordin's expression, and Tali waved a hand.

"The control rods are supposed to be going down," Tali said frantically, and thrust out a hand; her combat drone fizzled into life again and she hastily sent it into the chamber once more. "Someone must have aborted the scram procedure and probably tried to restart it again, but the melted camera jammed it in both directions!" She smacked her faceplate. "I hate people who don't know what they're doing!"

"How bad is that?" Shepard asked.

"Reactor meltdown," Mordin said neutrally, his fingertips still covering his nostrils.

"Like, run for it kind of meltdown, or we're dead kind of meltdown?"

The combat drone flew up past the control rods, and they ground to a halt. Tali let out a breath. "Mordin, hit the scram button." She gestured. "I'm sorry, Shepard, but we don't have time for a lesson on nuclear reactors. I can hold it, but you need to get to the control room. Now!"

Mordin seized Shepard's wrist, turned on his heel, and ran.

"So how bad is this?" Shepard asked again as they sprinted down the corridor.

Mordin glanced back at her, but didn't answer, and kept running.

"Mordin Solus," she managed, panting. "Answer me, damn it."

"Reactor melts down, may not be able to get off station in time," Mordin said tightly as they rounded a corner.

"Great," Shepard groaned as they ran up the stairs two at a time. "Okay, it's the next right, correct?" she asked, breathing heavily; suddenly, there was a yelp as they came to the top of the stairs, and Shepard glanced back in time to see Mordin crash into the stairs landing. In his haste, he ripped the hand covering his nostrils from his skin, the sticky pads leaving a burning sensation like a band-aid ripping off (thankfully they were far enough from the reactor that breathing the air would be fine) - but even with his hand flung out to stop himself, he still ended up flopping rather ungracefully face-down on the floor.

"Mordin?" she asked, alarmed; she grabbed his arm and tried to help haul him to his feet, but he let out a hiss and scrabbled at her arm. "Mordin, what's going on? Are you hurt?"

Mordin paused, breathing heavily, then sucked in a breath and awkwardly flipped over so he was sitting on the stairs, his breath escaping him with a noise like a balloon deflating. "Not quite."

"We need to keep going," Shepard said urgently, reaching to help pull him up again, but he shied away. "Mordin. Come on."

"Hip problems," he ground out, wincing. "Common in elderly. One moment."

Shepard stared as he gripped his right leg; now that he was sitting, the unnatural angle of his hip was much more noticeable. "Do you need - "

Before she could finish, Mordin let out a determined grunt and yanked his leg outward; for one sickening moment, his leg hardly looked attached to his body, then he let go, and it snapped back into place with a nauseating crunch. "All done."

Shepard continued to stare, her mouth hanging open. "Does that, uh… happen often?" she managed, holding out a hand.

He took it gently and stood, wobbling for a moment before he caught his balance. "Occasionally." He took a hesitant few steps, then began to run again, limping only slightly, and Shepard hurried to keep pace. "Salarians, amphibians - more cartilage present in skeleton. Breaks down during aging. Joints dislocate at times." He inhaled. "Need to keep going."

Shepard thrust a hand out to grip the passing doorframe, using it as a pivot point to swing herself around and into the control room. "Sounds uncomfortable."

"Not as bad," Mordin said, mild tone in contrast with his frantic movements as he searched the consoles. "Prefer that over human arthritis." He vaulted over the first row of consoles, only wincing slightly as his hip gave a particularly painful twinge, and slammed a hand down on a lit button.

"Scram initiated," the station VI announced, and Shepard slumped down.

"Is that it, then?" she asked, though Mordin shook his head.

"Would like to verify control rod insertion," Mordin remarked, and opened his omni-tool, flicking the comm network. "Tali?"

"Whatever you did worked," came Tali's relieved voice, and Shepard leaned forward onto the first row of consoles.

"Are we done here?" she asked dully.

"I want to ensure the power output is actually ticking down," Tali stated. "I'll be coming up in a moment."

"Will be here," Mordin assured, then closed the link and began surveying the consoles; he passed one hand over the fluorescent buttons idly. "Shepard, would advise against reactivating reactor until retrofit completed by…" He inhaled sharply and held the breath for a moment. "Someone competent."

"Yeah, I'm going to - " She paused, watching Mordin run a finger along the console underneath the lines of buttons.

"Shepard?"

The commander had turned white as a sheet. "That's not how radiation works," she blurted, and the salarian raised one brow.

"No?" he asked mildly.

"That's not how radiation works," she repeated, pointing at him; Mordin was surprised to see her hand shaking.

"Commander?" Mordin blinked, nonplussed, as she thrust one of the spare dosimeters at him.

"How's that power output?" Tali puffed, hurrying through the door, then paused as she took in the scene. "Is everything okay?"

"Did we get irradiated?" Shepard demanded, rounding on Tali, who yelped and flattened herself against the wall.

"Uh - no?" she said hesitantly. "None of our dosimeters went off, right?"

"None tripped," Mordin observed, twirling the pen-like dosimeter between his long fingers. "All safe."

"WHY ARE YOU GLOWING, THEN?" the commander thundered, eyes wide and looking slightly deranged as she thrust a hand out to point at Mordin again.

Mordin paused, face impassive, then set the dosimeter down and hovered his hand over the fluorescent safety paint on the console buttons.

"Glowing?" Tali asked curiously, taking a few steps forward. "Salarians don't glow - not visible light, at least."

"LOOK!" Shepard bellowed, and both the aliens jumped as she pointed to the buttons.

Mordin paused, then glanced upward and pointed at the lights in the ceiling, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "Ultraviolet black-light. Fluorescent paint. Used for safety illumination."

"Oh," Tali said enthusiastically, leaning forward. "That makes sense."

"Could someone please explain to me why my salarian scientist is making safety paint light up right after standing next to a nuclear reactor about to melt down?" Shepard complained, then glared at Mordin and Tali as the two exchanged amused glances.

"Amphibians have bioluminescence," Mordin explained, and passed a hand over the buttons once more; as his hand came near, the safety lights above glanced off his skin, creating a greenish hue following the pattern of lines on his hand, and the fluorescent paint brightened ever so slightly. "Depends on skin pattern; personally, more prominent on back of hands." He flipped his hand over and held it over the buttons again, and the effect was still faint, but noticeably brighter. "Not irradiated," he said teasingly. "Merely ultraviolet bioluminescence."

"It's nothing to be worried about," Tali assured the commander. "It's not visible to humans, normally, but you can see the absorbed and re-emitted light on certain types of paint, like the fluorescent safety paint." She let out a pleased noise, bouncing on her heels. "Like a black light."

Shepard glanced from Tali to Mordin, then let out a loud groan and pressed both hands to her face. "That's it?" she muttered, and they both nodded. "Don't tell anyone I almost went into a bloody panic because Mordin is apparently a walking black-light glow stick."

"Of course not," Mordin said gravely, inclining his head, the ultraviolet blue-light reflecting in his eyes, making them glitter eerily - though Tali held one hand up to her faceplate and laughed.

"It is a little funny," Tali said eagerly, then gave a sheepish giggle as Shepard glared.

"Let's just verify everything is set here and get off this station," she grumbled.

"So how'd it go?" Joker asked casually, spinning his chair around as the three came back aboard the Normandy.

"We almost melted the reactor, Mordin's hip is not properly attached to his body because he's old, Tali fisted the reactor core, and Mordin apparently is a walking black-light glow stick," Shepard said wearily. "Oh, and I'm going to find the Illusive Man and shove a melted camera where the sun doesn't shine."

Joker opened his mouth, but didn't say anything, and merely stared at the commander.

"Wow," Garrus remarked from where he was leaning against the wall near the airlock. "Cat got your tongue? I don't think I've ever seen you speechless."

"Tali did what now?" Joker blurted. "What about black lights? What does a melted camera have to do with anything? What's wrong with Mordin's hip?"

"Dislocated. Occurs sometimes in elderly," Mordin stated as he walked past the helm, limping slightly.

"Mordin glows in the dark," Tali said as she followed, wiggling her fingers. "Oooh, scary!"

Joker paused, then squinted, then raised a finger, then opened his mouth, his face running through several iterations of expressions. "What?"

Garrus tried - and failed - to stifle a laugh.

"We have a glow-in-the-dark salarian," Shepard muttered, rolling her shoulders. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"But - !" Joker began indignantly. "But I was joking. That's not how radiation works!"

"I know it's not. Now, if you'll excuse me," Shepard said, "I need to talk to the Illusive Man." She grunted as she worked what appeared to be a chunk of melted metal out of the pocket in her armor meant for extra thermal clips, then wandered off, whistling as she tossed it in the air.

Joker continued to stare until Garrus snorted again, grinning widely. "What the hell is she going to do with that? Chuck it at his hologram?" Joker demanded, but Garrus merely laughed harder and shrugged. "They're fucking with me," Joker declared.

"Of course they are," Garrus said plainly. "You fuck with plenty of people, though, so don't act like it's not fair play." He stood and stretched. "Oh - but Mordin does actually glow in the dark." With that parting comment, the turian ambled off down the hallway.

"He's also fucking with me," Joker stated, side-eying EDI's flickering hologram, but the AI didn't comment. "Mordin doesn't glow in the dark."

"Professor Solus does not emit visible light," EDI confirmed neutrally.

"See? They're all fucking with me," Joker grumbled, rotating his chair to face the ship's controls again.

"That does not mean Professor Solus does not emit any light," EDI added, and Joker rolled his eyes.

"Mordin doesn't glow," he stated again, banging one hand on the controls, then wincing and repeating the action much more gently. "Does he?"

"Not due to radiation."

Joker groaned, running both hands over his face. "I want a break," he muttered viciously, punching the un-docking procedure into the controls. "First, Shepard makes me nearly shit my pants with that voice trick, and now this?"

"To be fair, you did startle Professor Solus into the ceiling," EDI remarked. "And you also taped cut-out pictures of Professor Solus' shocked expression from the resulting security footage screenshots in various places throughout the Normandy." She paused. "And also the time with Tali and the fake spiders. The glue on the galaxy map controls. Googly eyes on the commander's pistols. The - "

"Okay, okay, I get it," Joker said hastily, hands flying over the controls as he carefully sidled the Normandy away from the station. "You don't have to keep going."

"The bouillon cubes in the men's room shower heads. Food coloring in the galley drinks. The jello incident."

"Don't bring up the jello incident," he groaned, sliding the thrust output up with two fingers, and the Normandy's engines whined as the ship eased forward.

"It took multiple days to clean up," EDI said, as reproachfully as the AI could manage.

"Yeah, and it backfired majorly," he muttered sourly. "I was cleaning jello out of my ears."

"Perhaps that is incentive not to do it again," EDI said haughtily, and Joker rolled his eyes.

"Get off my case," he snapped, though there was little venom to it. "Nobody got hurt."

"Except for some folks' pride," EDI mused, and Joker rolled his eyes.

"Let me pilot in peace, please," he retorted, thumping the arm of his chair with one hand, then wincing.

"Please do not fracture your metacarpals again," EDI droned.

"Shut up," Joker muttered.

"She's right, you know," came the reproachful voice of Dr. Chakwas. "Please be careful."

Joker turned, eyes narrowed. "What're you doing up here?"

"Looking for a safety flashlight." Dr. Chakwas bent over a cabinet worked into the wall of the hallway near the airlock. "Aha."

Joker watched her pull out a small metal flashlight. "For what?"

"Curiosity." She straightened up and nudged the cabinet shut. "I've heard of salarian bioluminescence before, but I've never seen it."

Joker raised one eyebrow. "You're kidding."

"Never," Dr. Chakwas said breezily, turning away. "I'll be in the tech lab."

Joker stared after her. "Do salarians really glow in the dark?" he shouted as she walked away.

Dr. Chakwas waved the flashlight again. "Only under ultraviolet light," she called back cheerfully, and disappeared around the corner.

"The salarian's a fucking glow stick," Joker stated, turning back to the ship's controls. "This is ridiculous."

"Watch the aft port side," EDI noted, and Joker grimaced, sliding the controls and easing the ship further away from the station.

"I need a break," he muttered again as the ship slowly pulled away, then sped off into space.

Author's Note: Disclaimer, I know a bit about nuclear reactors, but not enough to really write a fully-detailed, scientifically-accurate story about them. Just presume it's some fancy futuristic reactor where all this is possible.

Same with bioluminescence - apparently, a ilot/i of amphibians have ultraviolet bioluminescence, but I'm not 100% sure what that would look like, so I'm just making my best guess. (That, and this is all sci-fi, so... Take it with a grain of salt, haha.)

Quick Covus glossary (kind of - again, Covus doesn't actually have an H letter, it's an accent mark placed over the vowels to create a more breathy sound, so a number of H's were left out in favor of simplified spelling):

-"Tiyvahsak" - "joints"

-"Kora reilnoh" - "bad timing"

-"Sao" - "no"

-"Bhian yehb" - "not healthy"

-"Kora rehirnoh" - "bad practice"