Kate: The craziest thing just happened!
Kate: We were all sitting down to Christmas breakfast and my sister Lynn came out as bisexual!
Kate: It was so sudden! She was like "Those waffles look delicious and by the way I'm attracted to both boys and girls so when are we opening presents?" The whole table went silent and I was so sure Mom was going to explode, but she just took a deep breath and said that even though it's a lifestyle she doesn't understand, she loves Lynn no matter what.
Kate: Then she said she needed to pray on some of the things she was feeling and excused herself. Lynn was so relieved that she started crying. She'd been so scared!
Taylor: Oh thank fuck! I'm so glad it worked out okay!
Kate: You knew?
Taylor: Yeah. Remember when she stole your phone a few days ago? She wanted to ask me, Vicky, Max, and Clo if we were scared when we came out to our parents.
Taylor: And what she should do if it went badly.
Kate: I sort of wondered if it was something like that, but I wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to me about it. I can see why Lynn might have been worried. Our mother doesn't have the best history when it comes to tolerance.
Kate: But Dad said that she's spent a lot of time over the last year praying on Jesus' teachings about love and acceptance.
Taylor: Jesus was pretty down with that stuff, right? ;)
Kate: Yes, Taylor. Jesus was 'pretty down' with love and acceptance. :P
Taylor: Anyway, we told Lynn that even if it was scary, she'd be okay as long as you were there.
Kate: Wait, is that why you were all saying I was an awesome badass?
Taylor: Pretty much.
Kate: Awww! You guys! :*)
Kate: Happy New Year!
Taylor: Happy New Year, you damn Berkeley hippie! ;)
Chloe: happy new year special k!
Max: NEW Year? Bah!
Victoria: If you've seen one 2015, you've seen 'em all!
Taylor: Har har.
Max: Why, back in our day, when you called a year 2015 it meant something!
Victoria: Now all you darned kids are doing it!
Chloe: whatever ya old geezers
Max: Damn whippersnapper!
Taylor: Respect your elders, Chloe. Even the senile ones.
Victoria: Disrespectful hooligan!
Kate: Silly old time travelers.
Chloe: hey t
Chloe: u got a minute?
Chloe: i kinda need to talk to someone who isnt from the future
Taylor: Of course. What's up?
Chloe: max seemed kinda down today
Chloe: and i wanted to help
Chloe: so i asked her to tell me what was wrong
Chloe: but then she told me
Chloe: and now i wish i hadnt asked
Taylor: Are you guys okay?
Chloe: ya were good
Chloe: but in the other timeline
Chloe: where max and vic are from?
Chloe: i died at 8am this morning
[Incoming Call: Taylor Christensen]
Victoria: Hey, Chloe. Are you busy?
Chloe: nope
Chloe: sup?
Victoria: I can't figure out what to get Taylor for her birthday next month. Do you have any ideas?
Victoria: I'm drawing a complete blank.
Chloe: k lemme think
Chloe: u guys met in middle school right?
Victoria: That's right. Homeroom on our first day. We sat next to each other. Why?
Chloe: heres what u do
Chloe: go on google maps and find the school
Chloe: right click on the spot where ur homeroom was
Chloe: write down the numbers u see at the top
Chloe: get them engraved on a bracelet or a necklace or something
Chloe: along with the date/time u met
Chloe: so she can always remember where u guys started out
Victoria: Oh my god, that's perfect!
Victoria: You're like some kind of romantic savant!
Chloe: ya i know
Chloe: its a curse
"Hello? Max? Chloe? Can you see me on your end?"
"We can see you fine, Mom."
"Well, I can't see you. Hang on, let me just...oh, there you are!"
"Hi, Joyce!"
"Hello, Max! Hello, sweetheart!"
"Hey. So, care to tell us what was so important that it couldn't wait until we come visit next week?"
"Well, we have something we wanted to share, but we weren't quite sure how you'd react, so..."
"So we wanted to tell you while you were still in a different state."
"David!"
"What? It's true!"
"I swear to god, if one of you fucking copycats has cancer..."
"Chloe!"
"No, it's nothing like that. It's actually very exciting news!"
"We're all ears, Joyce."
"Yeah, Mom. Lay it on us."
"Chloe, what if I told you that in about seven months, you're going to be a big sister?"
Chloe: help!
Chloe: help me!
Chloe: the sky is falling!
Chloe: everything is ruined forever!
Chloe: r u guys there?
Chloe: help help help help!
Taylor: Oh my god, what?!
Chloe: the worst thing happened!
Chloe: its the worst thing!
Victoria: Don't you have Max to unload these theatrics on?
Chloe: she doesnt understand!
Chloe: she and kate are laughing at my pain!
Taylor: What the hell could have happened on a Tuesday to get you this worked up?
Chloe: fucking david knocked up my mom
Taylor: Oh shit.
Victoria: Are you okay?
Taylor: Do you need anything?
Victoria: We can be on the next flight to San Francisco.
"Hey there, Vicky."
"Hey there, Sweet T. Look at you, making all the other girls jealous."
"Only because they don't have you on their arm, gorgeous."
"Flatterer. Oh, you know what I was thinking about today?"
"What's that?"
"That even though someone or something saved me from being cast into oblivion, the thing I'm more grateful for is that I get to be with you."
"I...wow."
"What?"
"Babe, I don't know if you were trying to win Valentine's Day with that line, but you just did."
"I mean it. Every day we've got together is a gift I never thought I could have."
"Okay, that was just a victory lap."
"I'm seri-"
"Vicky?"
"Yes?"
"Shut up and kiss me."
Max: You're going down, Christensen.
Taylor: What was that? I couldn't hear you over that constant whining.
Taylor: I've been hearing it ever since Stanford bombed their last game.
Max: At least we got points on the board. Last time UCLA played, you couldn't even find the end zone.
Max: Should we draw you guys a map? We've got crayons and everything.
Taylor: Whatever. We're coming up there to clean up the trash. Be ready.
Max: Pretty sure you're bringing all the trash with you. :)
Taylor: Laugh it up, Caulfield. We'll see who's laughing on Friday.
Max: Friday? The game is on Saturday.
Taylor: Yeah but I figured we'd come up a day early so we could hang out.
Max: Totally! There's this new diner near campus you'll love. They have a burger that's just called The Extra Bacon and when Chloe tried one of their milkshakes, she said she'd found god.
Max: Kate didn't even disagree with her.
Taylor: Damn. I'm sold.
Max: Awesome! You can have one after the game to wash away the bitter taste of defeat.
Taylor: I'm sorry, who threw a disc into the back of her own coach's head?
Max: THAT WAS ONE TIME! :(
Chloe: so i hear ur coming up for the game on sat
Victoria: Just to support Taylor. I'm seriously not into the whole ultimate frisbee thing.
Chloe: me either but I still wanna be there for max
Victoria: That's nice.
Chloe: ya
Victoria: My girlfriend is going to kick your girlfriend's ass, though.
Chloe: oh were gonna fuckin see about that
Victoria: Happy 21st birthday, Chloe!
Chloe: and?
Victoria: And what?
Chloe: thats it?
Chloe: just happy bday?
Chloe: no passive aggressive smack talk?
Chloe: no reminding me im technically younger than u?
Victoria: Nope.
Victoria: But just so we're clear, that's your birthday present.
"I...you...you're...the Coast Guard?!"
"Yep."
"As in the US Coast Guard?"
"That's the one. I got my acceptance letter last week for the CSPI program at UCLA. It's like an ROTC thing."
"I have no idea what any of that means, but seriously...the Coast Guard?"
"Yes, Victoria. I honestly don't know how much clearer I can make that."
"Taylor, I...why the fuck would you want to join the Coast Guard?"
"Because there're going to be other storms, babe. And I don't want anyone to get left behind."
"So, what? You're going to swim out to sea and get them?"
"Actually, I was thinking I'd fly."
Max: How about we just act all nervous and cagey for the whole week. We can play it up a little more every day and refuse to tell them why.
Victoria: That's perfect! We can be all 'don't worry about it' and 'when it happens, you'll know'.
Max: They'll get so freaked out! :P
Victoria: This is going to be the best April Fool's ever!
Date: 15 April, 2015
From: penguinrandomhouse
To: maxcaulfield[ ]webmail
Subj: Manuscript
Hello Ms. Caulfield,
I hope this email finds you well. I'm reaching out with regard to the manuscript you submitted to us last month...
Chloe: do u have class this afternoon?
Victoria: Unlike you, I always have class.
Chloe: ha ha
Chloe: im in la today to check in with some fancy doctor man
Chloe: u wanna go see fury road after im done?
Victoria: Why the hell would you even ask me that?
Victoria: Of course I do.
Max: Remember the fake book?
Victoria: Sure. What about it?
Max: I kinda wrote another one. A real one, I mean.
Victoria: No kidding?
Max: My Lit professor thought it was really good and even suggested I send it to some people to see what they thought.
Victoria: That was cool of him. I'd love to read it.
Max: You'll have to wait a couple months.
Victoria: How come?
Max: It won't be on shelves until July.
Victoria: WHAT?!
"Hello?"
"Max! I've been waiting all day! What did you find?"
"Well, my dear Miss Marsh, if you really want to know..."
"Don't tease!"
"Okay, okay. So, I called the dim sum restaurant in Hayward like the old man in Alameda told us to, and I said I was looking for Mei because she forgot her homework at the park."
"Her math homework, right?"
"Don't worry, I remembered! They told me to come by at five-thirty today and order lunch special number twelve with no sauce. The guy at the counter looked really surprised when I did."
"I'll bet."
"Anyway, he brought my food, which was actually really good, and when I was done I got a fortune cookie with what looked like a blank slip of paper..."
"Except..."
"Except I had the ultraviolet penlight the acupuncturist in San Mateo gave us. It was very...illuminating."
"Max...are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"I sure am. You and I have the address for Madame Shin's Tea Parlor."
"Oh My God...it does exist."
July 16, 2015
We Were Pirates: A Heart-rending Tale Of Friendship, Love, And Inescapable Endings
Nora Comeau
We don't remember the days of our lives; we remember the moments. Brilliant points in time that, for good or ill, we'll always carry with us. And of those, perhaps the most important is your earliest memory. Perhaps it's your birthday party, or your mother's face. It might be a fear of the dark or the taste of your favorite treat. For Samantha, her earliest memory is her wife's smile, on the day she and Allie met as children. She's accepted that it's going to be her last memory as well.
We Were Pirates, from newcomer author M.A. Caulfield, has no sprawling backdrop or bold setting. It begins and ends in a Portland hospital room during the final hours of Samantha's life. It invites us to sit and listen as she and Allie reminisce about their lives together; their childhood adventures on imaginary high seas, their tumultuous journey into adulthood, through the growth of their relationship from best friends to cherished lovers, from their first innocent meeting to their final tearful farewell. [more...]
Kate: I read your book. It was very beautiful.
Kate: I'm not quite sure how to ask this, so I'll just ask. You don't have to answer.
Kate: It's about you and the other Chloe, isn't it? The night before she died.
Kate: Max?
Max: Yes, it is.
Kate: Oh, Max. I'm so sorry.
Victoria: ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Max: What?
Victoria: [we_were_pirates_cover]
Victoria: ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Max: I'm not sure what that means?
Victoria: Hey Max. It's Taylor.
Victoria: Vicky read your book and she's having a lot of feelings right now.
Victoria: Like, a LOT of feelings.
Victoria: I think she'll have to get back to you.
David: yo clo!
Chloe: wtf is that?
David: just want 2 kno wassup
Chloe: are u having a stroke?
David: naw im all good
Chloe: stop that
David: wut?
Chloe: seriously cut it out
Chloe: its fucking weird
David: lol! chill!
Chloe: i swear to god david
Chloe: ill call mom
David: y u trippin, dog?
Chloe: STOP!
Chloe: hey i think davids finally cracked
Mom: what?
Mom: thats straight wack!
Chloe: NO!
Chloe: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Chloe: Hi, Mom! Just wanted to remind you that Max and I will be flying out on Monday and we'll need David to pick us up at the airport. I'll email him the flight information. We're really looking forward to seeing you both! :)
Mom: Alright, that's actually a little creepy.
Chloe: ya well
Chloe: thats what u get
"Hello, you've reached Chloe Price. I can't answer the phone right now, probably because I'm chilling with my girlfriend, BESTSELLING AUTHOR MAX CAULFIELD! Please leave a message and Max, MY AWESOME AND BEAUTIFUL BESTSELLING AUTHOR GIRLFRIEND will make sure I call you back just as soon as I'm done being SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER!"
Victoria: Taylor picked up her coast guard cadet dress uniform today.
Max: Oh yeah! She was really excited to get it, wasn't she?
Max: How did she look?
Max: Victoria?
Victoria: So, it turns out that I'm very extremely into women in uniform.
Lynn: Hi, guys. Can I ask you a question?
Lynn: How do you know if a girl likes you?
Taylor: If you kiss her and she spends 10 months having a silent emotional meltdown, it's safe to say she likes you.
Victoria: If she spends two years pining for you after you slap some bitch in the face for insulting her, you've probably got a shot.
Max: If she almost runs you over with her truck, then takes you home afterword, that's a good sign.
Chloe: if she rips open the fabric of reality to save ur life then shes hella interested
Lynn: Okay...
Chloe: hypothetically i mean
Lynn: Claire hasn't done any of that stuff.
Victoria: And who, pray tell, is Claire?
Lynn: Just a girl I met this week.
Max: And you think she likes you?
Lynn: Maybe? There hasn't been any kissing or slapping, but she did say my highlights were pretty and asked if I wanted to hang out later.
Chloe: oh ya shes def into u
"I'm sorry, miss. This is a private establ-oh! Miss Marsh, Miss Caulfield, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!"
"It's alright, Renard. No harm done."
"You're too kind, Miss Marsh, as always. I see you've brought a guest today?"
"Yes, we have. This is our friend, Victoria Chase. Today's her birthday."
"Ah, of course. Welcome to The Cheshire, Miss Chase, and many happy returns."
"I...er...thank you."
"Will the three of you be wanting your usual table?"
"Actually, we'd like to sit out on the terrace today, if there's space?"
"For you and your guest, Miss Caulfield, space shall be made. Right this way."
"Victoria? Are you coming?"
"...I...I don't..."
"Is something wrong?"
"Kate, when you said we were going for tea, I thought you meant we were going to Starbucks or something. This...this is The Cheshire."
"Well...yeah?"
"No, Max. This is The Cheshire. You don't just go to get tea at The Cheshire."
"Really? We come here most Sundays."
"Their cupcakes are wonderful."
"Cupcakes? Cupcakes?! Kate, there are Fortune 500 CEOs who'd saw off their own leg to have a cupcake at The Cheshire. My own parents have been here once. My dad buys sports cars on a whim, and he said he thought it was expensive. This is where visiting heads of state come to treat themselves! How can you two possibly afford to come here every week? How are you even allowed in?"
"Oh, we're friends with the owner."
"You're what?"
"She's really nice! Max and I met her a couple of months ago playing mahjong at this great all-night chai bar in Cathedral Hill."
"You what?!"
"The tea community in San Francisco is pretty tight, Victoria. Me and Kate? Well...people know us."
"Chloe?"
My eyes snap to the nearby sliding doors, fixing on David so sharply that a nurse behind him actually flinches. "What?"
Grinning like an idiot, he jerks a thumb over his shoulder. "Someone's ready to meet you."
I'm on my feet before he's done talking, but only make it a couple of steps. Looking back, I find that even though I haven't let go of Max's hand, she's still in her chair and pointing at a sign next to the door that reads 'Immediate Family Members Only'. The 'Only' is underlined. Twice.
"But..."
"It's fine, babe." Standing, she gives me a quick kiss and gently pulls her hand out of mine. "I'll be able to visit later. For now, you can say hi for me."
Taking me by the shoulders, she turns me around and gives me a light push toward the door. Swallowing, I fall into step beside David. It's not far to Mom's room, but the walk seems to take forever. I think David's a lot more tired than he's letting on, because he can't seem to move any faster than an irritatingly slow mosey.
"So? How'd it go?" I ask, nervously. Mom's a lot older than a woman ought to be when she gets pregnant, and even though I know her doctor made sure they were ready for anything, that doesn't make me any less nervous. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine," he assures me. "The baby, too. No problems at all. The doctor said it was a textbook birth. She's exhausted, but she still wanted to see you right away."
"Good. That's good." I notice the ice pack he's got pressed to his hand. "You alright there?"
"Hm? Oh, right." He chuckles, idly flexing his fingers. "Turns out waitressing can give someone a hell of a grip. I'll survive."
Say what you will about him (and I could say a lot), but David's put a lot of work into self-improvement since Arcadia Bay. He actually kept up with his therapy, got involved with some veteran support groups, and according to Mom he's read every single parenting book under the sun.
I'm not sure if I've forgiven him yet for the way he treated me, but as more time goes by, the more I think I might be able to someday. In the meantime, we know where we stand with each other. That'll do for now.
We get to Mom's room a moment later, and David pushes the door open to usher me in. Mom is in bed (duh) and laying on her side, somehow looking crazy happy and totally wrecked at the same time. Next to her is a tiny little bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. Pink. That means...
"Hey there, sweetheart," she says softly, her accent stronger than I've ever heard it. "C'mon in and meet your baby sister."
Sister. I have a sister. There's a brand-new person in the world that my mom made, and I get to call her my little sister.
Fucking sweet.
David puts a hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to hold her?"
"What?!" I shake my head frantically. "No! What if I drop her?!"
"You won't," Mom says. "I trust you."
"I...o-okay..." Swallowing my nerves, I take a seat on the edge of the bed. "But if I do drop her, it's David's fault."
Rolling his eyes, David carefully picks the little bundle up. He gives me a quick demonstration of how to support her, then all of a sudden I'm holding a newborn baby. She doesn't do much. Just wiggles a bit without even opening her eyes. "Whoa. Was I this tiny?"
"If only." Mom pretends to scowl. "You had to go and inherit your father's big head."
"Giving you a hard time from day one, eh?"
"No comment."
My sister (wow!) shifts again and starts to make unhappy noises. I look up, a little panicked, and David mimes a rocking motion with his arms. I follow along, and after a few seconds she settles down. "What's her name?"
Smiling, Mom reaches out to take David's hand. "We decided on Sarah."
"Nice." I look down again. "Hey there, Sarah. I'm your big sister, Chloe. I'm gonna be the one who teaches you how to do all the cool stuff that Mom and David say is too dangerous."
Mom gives me an unimpressed look. I just stick out my tongue at her, because Max is a terrible influence.
"And don't you worry about anyone messing with you. If they do, I'll be right there to kick their ass."
"Chloe," Mom says, a little warningly. "Language."
"Don't you listen to her, sprout." I gently boop Sarah on the nose and she squirms a little. "I'm gonna teach you so many fucking curse words."
"Chloe!"
Kate: So I have a bit of a situation.
Victoria: Are you okay?
Kate: I'm fine but I'm not quite sure how to handle this. It has to do with a girl Lynn met when she was planting trees in Yosemite over the summer.
Max: You mean Claire? Did she hurt Lynn?
Kate: How do you know about Claire?
Chloe: hold up that claire chick hurt babykate?
Kate: No!
Taylor: That's bullshit! We need to send that bitch a message!
Kate: No messages!
Chloe: ok ok make it look like an accident got it
Kate: No doing anything!
Victoria: Kate's right, Chloe. We aren't going to hurt anyone.
Victoria: There are people you hire for that kind of thing.
Kate: Honestly, I don't know if it's sweet or terrifying how protective you all are.
Max: Seriously, though. What's going on?
Kate: First of all, Claire didn't hurt Lynn. They really hit it off over the summer, it turned out she lives in Portland as well, and now they're dating.
Max: Yay!
Taylor: Go Lynn!
Kate: There's just a couple of potentially awkward situations. Lynn was over at her house the other day and saw something. There's really no subtle way to put it. Claire has a framed copy of Taylor's Time magazine cover up on her bedroom wall.
Taylor: She has what now?
Kate: Lynn said that when she asked about it, Claire got embarrassed and admitted that Taylor was her hero.
Taylor: I guess that's kinda cool.
Kate: And also what made Claire realize she was gay.
Victoria: Lol! That's amazing!
Chloe: damn t!
Chloe: way to spark a young girls sexual awakening!
Taylor: SHUT UP NO I DIDN'T!
Kate: You kind of did.
Taylor: How?! I look like garbage in that picture!
Max: You really don't.
Taylor: Are you kidding? I look like I fell out of a tree! I'm fucking filthy!
Chloe: oh my goddamn fucking fuck
Chloe: look were gonna talk about this once and then were not gonna talk about it ever again understand?
Taylor: Okay?
Chloe: tay u look so fucking hot in that picture its crazy
Max: You don't look filthy. You look like a badass. A sexy, sexy badass.
Chloe: it could be a video game cover or something
Taylor: Bullshit!
Kate: It's true! You look stunning!
Taylor: Seriously, Kate?
Kate: Plus you've got that super intense expression in your face.
Max: Oh damn, that expression...
Chloe: fuckin shivers...
Victoria: Holy shit she's blushing so hard right now!
Victoria: I've been telling her this stuff forever but she never believes me!
Taylor: LET'S GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT KATE'S THING NOW!
Kate: Well, by the time Lynn found out about Claire's crush, she'd already invited Claire to my 20th birthday dinner next week. If you'd rather not go I'd totally understand.
Taylor: I dunno.
Taylor: What does Lynn want?
Kate: She'd kind of like you to come. She hasn't told Claire she knows you yet, so I think she wants to show off a little.
Taylor: Then I'm definitely going. I'm not gonna get chased away from your birthday dinner OR that amazing casserole your mom makes just cause some 16 y/o has the hots for me.
Taylor: And being able to introduce Claire to her literal hero is gonna score Lynn about a million girlfriend points.
Max: Haha! So true!
Victoria: Hang on, you said there were a couple of awkward things. What's the other one?
Kate: Right. That one is about Max.
Max: What? What did I do?!
Kate: You wrote Claire's all-time favorite book. The one that 'made her believe in true love'.
Chloe: lol max just dropped her phone!
David: I need your advice.
Ryan: Don't be a Raiders fan.
David: Seriously, Ryan.
Ryan: Ok ok. What can I do for you?
David: I have a newborn daughter.
Ryan: ...and?
David: Swear to god, that's the only thing I feel sure of right now.
Ryan: Yeah, been there. Gimme a minute.
[Incoming Call: Ryan Caulfield]
Max: Hi, Lynn. How's Claire doing?
Lynn: Okay. She's still feeling pretty embarrassed. :(
Max: Tell her it's fine. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes.
Lynn: But not everyone faints in front of their girlfriend's entire family.
Lynn: Maybe I shouldn't have introduced her to both of you at once.
Taylor: Honestly, it's alright. I'm actually pretty impressed that she stayed for the rest of dinner. That took guts.
Lynn: Seriously though she's super embarrassed!
Lynn: She's usually way more chill about this kind of thing!
Lynn: But it was really really cool how great you guys were about it!
Lynn: You two are seriously the best!
Max: That's really nice of you to say, Claire.
Taylor: Now give Lynn her phone back.
Lynn: ok
Lynn: OMG! Isn't she adorable?
Kristen: Hello, Ms. Victoria.
Victoria: We've talked about this.
Kristen: Hi, Victoria.
Victoria: Hello, Kristen. What can I do for you?
Kristen: I was wondering if you'd already joined a group for the short film term project?
Victoria: Considering this is the first class of the year and it was assigned to us five minutes ago? No, I hadn't gotten around to it yet.
Kristen: Well, I'm sure a ton of people are going to ask, but I'd really love it if you'd come work with my group.
Victoria: In what capacity?
Kristen: I was hoping you'd be willing to be my Director of Photography? You've got such an amazing eye! Everyone thinks so!
Victoria: Be your DP. In other words, you want me to come work for you.
Kristen: Yes?
Victoria: Alright.
Kristen: Just like that?
Victoria: Just like that.
Kristen: Awesome! We're still looking for a sound editor, but the rest of us are meeting in the student union at 5:00. Does that work for you?
Victoria: Yes, ma'am. ;)
Kristen: Good girl.
Victoria: Don't push it.
Kristen: Sorry!
"Hi, Taylor."
"Hey, Kate. I...uh...did you hear about...?"
"Yes. His daughter called me this morning."
"Oh."
"Are you planning to go to the funeral?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Of course."
"Actually, I was thinking..."
"What?"
"I thought I'd wear my dress uniform. Or would that be weird?"
"No. I think that would've meant a lot to him. Douglas was so proud of you."
"Heh...yeah. Hey, do you remember when he called us his honorary granddaughters?"
"Of course I do."
"I almost cried."
"I actually did cry. He was such a sweetheart."
"I'm gonna miss him a lot, Kate."
"Me, too."
Mom: Happy birthday, sweetheart!
Max: Thanks Mom! :)
Mom: I can't believe my little girl is already 20!
Max: Yup. I sure am.
Max: That's me. Max Caulfield, age "20".
Mom: Still annoyed Chloe can drink legally and you can't?
Max: YES!
Max: I'M 23 YEARS OLD!
Max: AND SHE CAN BE SUCH A BRAT ABOUT IT!
Mom: Do you have time for a Skype call? We can each open a bottle of wine and complain about the immature doofuses we're hopelessly in love with.
Max: You're the best, Mom. :)))))
Kate: Okay, so you're two of my best friends and I love you both.
Kate: But I need to tell you something.
Victoria: That's oddly foreboding.
Chloe: lol r u breaking up with us?
Kate: No! This is a good thing! I just need you to make me a promise before I say anything more.
Chloe: u met a guy u like and u want me and vic to promise not to be me and vic about it?
Victoria: Kate? Are you still there?
Victoria: Not answering us kind of makes it look like Chloe's right.
Chloe: course im right
Chloe: she said its a good thing
Chloe: what other good thing would she ever be worried about telling us?
Victoria: Good point.
Chloe: so...?
Kate: Promise not to make fun of me first.
Victoria: I promise.
Chloe: cross my heart, special k
Kate: His name is Gabriel. We met in my 20th century literature class last semester and started talking about Ray Bradbury and it turned out we volunteer at a bunch of the same places, just on different days. We've been going out for a little over a month and he's really sweet and I really, really like him.
Victoria: He sounds really nice, Kate.
Kate: Thanks.
Chloe: no offence and im not makin fun of u but he also sounds like a total nerd.
Kate: He is, but I kinda like that about him.
Chloe: right on
Chloe: but if he hurts u then hes obvs done for
Victoria: Seriously, nothing on Earth will be able to protect him from us.
Kate: He asked me to tell you that he's got three little sisters so he gets how it works.
Chloe: yeah he better be scared
Kate: He's not scared. He's a gentleman.
Victoria: And we're very happy to hear that. Aren't we, Chloe?
Chloe: of course but i bet i could take him
Kate: He's going to Berkley on a wrestling scholarship. You probably couldn't.
Victoria: Is it weird that I want to see her try?
Chloe: so me and max tried some roleplay stuff last night
Victoria: Please don't sully my phone with the details of your sex life.
Chloe: and we thought wed do this whole sexy student/tutor thing
Mrs. C: Why would you think I'd want to know about that?
Chloe: and it started out pretty hot
Kate: I'm not really comfortable hearing about this.
Chloe: and we were both pretty into it
Taylor: Clo, I am literally begging you not to continue.
Chloe: then it got weirdly real all of a sudden
Mom: Sweetheart, this really isn't appropriate.
Chloe: long story short max is kinda pissed at me cuz she wanted to have sex
Chloe: and i wouldnt lay off about a term paper shes been avoiding
Chloe: guys?
Victoria: Okay, that's actually fucking hilarious.