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WARNING- implied attempted suicide, trigger warning

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Ch. 2

James, Alice and Frank kept looking back and forth between the doorway leading to the hall and the large black wolf that was ignoring them. Finally it was James who turned to his wife with a look of confused astonishment and noticed she had her arms crossed while wearing a slightly smug look.

"Okay," James started, still a little confused. "What just happened?" His question earned him a laugh from Lily who couldn't contain her laughter anymore. This startled the others but her laugh did gain attention from the monster wolf that rose back up and padded his way over to her. He nosed her arms that were around her middle as she held herself as she laughed. Lily then reached out and petted the animal that summarily sat and closed his eyes in bliss as she scratched behind its ears.

"That my love, was Lady Runa Landvik and this is her familiar Fen." The others just continued to look at the wolf with caution. When suddenly Frank's head shot up and looked at Lily with an astonished expression.

"Did you just say Landvik?" he asked. Lily just replied with a nod and smile. "As in the Landvik's of Scandinavia not just Norway but of Scandinavia in its entirety?" Lily just kept smiling and nodding. Finally Frank made his way back to the couch and unceremoniously plopped down and gave Lily an imitation of an owl. "How?"

"Secret," she said with no shame what so ever.

"I'm still confused here," interrupted James who looked to Alice who nodded in turn.

"How about letting Frank explain," Lily said with a smile. "I kind of want to know what he knows about the Landvik name." Frank just gave Lily an exasperated look, which she returned with a smile.

"I only know about their standing in our world, and some rumors that circulate around the name," Frank started. "The Landvik line reaches even farther back than the Vikings. Some say that they were the original magical people of Scandinavia but no one knows for sure. What's amazing about this family its that even while they stay a part of the political world they are completely shrouded in mystery. Their lands are said to be impenetrable and or impossible to find in some cases. To be honest outside of Scandinavia they are seen as almost a legend set up to scare people when it comes to trying anything in Scandinavia. From what my mother said this legend is what kept Grindelwald from trying the enter Scandinavia during his time. It's one of the reasons Norway and Sweden were seen as safe havens. To be honest even through my mother told me that they were in fact a real Ancient and Most Noble family from Scandinavia I still didn't believe they were real, or that they were at least greatly exaggerated." With his piece said Frank looked to Lily as if asking her to fill in the blanks and separate fact from fiction to which Lily just sighed.

"There are some facts that are part of what you've said. The Landvik line does extend even further back than the Vikings and even further back than the Germanic farmers who moved into the southern regions of what is now Norway and Sweden in the 5th and mid-6th centuries. They've always lived in the northern parts of the Scandinavian Peninsula. Their lands are located near the muggle town of Alta in the far north. Thing is these lands have always been seen as a type of sanctuary whether for people or magical creatures. The lands consist of the Landvik ancestral home, a village that is essentially a combination of Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, and a magical and non-magical creature preserve. The lands themselves are mountainous with valleys and forests plus a fjord that cuts into the land and is part of the village. All of this is encompassed in wards the likes you've never have seen or will see anywhere else; even the fjord is covered by one. These wards essentially make it impossible to penetrate into the lands if you wish ill-will toward anyone within it's boarders and even if someone somehow found a way around or through the wards they wouldn't get far."

"Why is that?" James asked going a little pale. Lily just gave him a little smile that turned into a smirk as her eyes slid to the gigantic wolf that was sitting at her feet.

"The Landvik Guardian for one but also the magical creatures who take sanctuary there. They are very protective of their lands and non-creature inhabitants only occupy the central part of the warded lands and that area is warded against creatures coming in and also for non-creatures from going out. So essentially anything human is fair game as far as many of them are concerned."

"And you want to move there till this threat is not longer a problem?" Alice asked with a squeak. "Are you mental?" Lily pursed her lips and looked to Alice a little confused. Seeing Lily's confused expression Alice elaborated. "It seems just as dangerous as staying here. Of course instead of creatures we are dealing with a homicidal maniac but still…" Alice trailed off as Lily just held up her hand.

"It's been this way for centuries and as far as I know there has never been an incident of one of the creatures hurting humans or any of the other inhabitants that were supposed to be there. I never really understood why but Runa once explained it to me that the lands are also keyed into the creatures in a way that they somehow know who is supposed to be there. She said that it was a part of the protections, that the creatures were another line of defense in case something ever happened to the wards," Lily explained much to the surprise of her husband and friends. They were all duly impressed.

"Okay," said James. "So it seems this place is warded to Hell and gone," at his words Lily covered her mouth to cover up a snort, "but are you still absolutely sure that this is the better course of action?" Lily just looked at the others still seeing their concern.

"I'm not going to be able to make this decision for any of you to trust in this place or trust in Runa, so why don't you hold out on your decisions until you've talked to her and maybe even see this place?" The others looked at each other then nodded in agreement. They all started to move back towards the couches when the floo flared again.

"Boy are we popular today," James said with sarcasm.

"Prongs!" They heard the excited yelled from the green flame. James just smiled and rolled his eyes at his best friend and brother in all but blood.

"Yeah Sirius, what is it?" he responded.

"Can we come through?"

"We?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah, me and Remus." Sirius hadn't called Remus, Moony, in months especially since he started to suspect that Remus was the traitor and vice versa for Remus to Sirius. James' eyes clouded for just a second in sadness for what had become of some of his closest friends.

"Sure, come on through. Alice and Frank are here as well." With that said the floo flared brighter and out stepped a man with a mane of hair as black as his name. His long black hair was loose and to his shoulders but still framed his face which made his grey eyes pop, but those grey eyes were shrouded in a dark cloud made of suspicion and grief. Suspicions of a friend he always thought he could trust, and grief for a lost love. It had only been three months since Marlene McKinnon and her entire family was killed. Two months since they were supposed to be married, it was supposed to be a small yet elegant wedding with Lily as Matron of Honor and James as Best Man. Marlene was to wear her Grandmother's wedding dress which she had always loved. They were to be married on the lawn of Potter Manor with only their closest friends and family by their side. Lily and James could still remember the look of utter devastation that crossed Sirius' features when they were given the news. No one in the Order besides the Potters and the Longbottoms along with Peter and Remus knew about them being a couple let alone that they were engaged, so no one really noticed that Sirius had slipped out of the meeting in a trance and summarily disappeared for three days.

~Flashback~

James, Lily and Remus had looked for him all three days. The Longbottoms had watched Harry and Peter had backed out after the first hour saying he couldn't miss any more work at the Ministry, but wished he could help more. They were about to give up and decided that he would come home when he was ready, when Lily finally found him, with a little help from a friend. She found him at an inn and pub in Limerick, Ireland. When she went up to the innkeeper asking about a man fitting Sirius' description, she was informed that he was indeed there and that the innkeeper and his wife were worried about him. Lily had smiled at the man with sad eyes as he handed over the extra key to the room Sirius occupied.

What she saw when she pushed the door open as silently as she could was Sirius in a darkened room with firewhiskey bottles strewn all over the floor. He was sitting on the bed looking out the window, looking at nothing. His eyes were red and glazed but Lily couldn't tell if it was from crying or the alcohol. She backed out of the room and sent a patronus message to James and Remus and went back in to brave the storm. When she did she accidently kicked an empty bottle, at the sound Sirius turned to her and gave her a small heartbreaking smile.

"Hey Lils," he said in horse watery voice. "I'm surprised you of all of them found me."

"I had a little help from a friend," she said in response. "We've been looking for you. James, Remus and me, Peter got called into work so he couldn't." Lily was babbling, she knew she was but she just didn't know what to say to him. She honestly didn't know what she would do in his position. So she stopped talking and just looked at him. Finally she just moved to him and wrapped him in her arms and just held on. Sirius was stiff at first but then finally he just wilted under her steady comfort and clung to her. He tried to swallow the sob and tears that welled up but he just couldn't.

"They're gone, Lils," he said as he started to shake with his tears. "He killed them." He buried his head into the crook of her neck and finally let go. Lily just held on. She didn't know how long they sat there but at some point Sirius went limp and his breath evened out. Suddenly she heard the pounding of feet on stairs and then the door was hastily pushed open and before it could bang on the wall and wake Sirius, Lily sent a silent cushioning charm against the wall. When she looked in the doorway she was met with the sight of James and Remus panting but looking at both of them. James mouthed, 'How?' at Lily and she just shook her head. The guys finally looked around the room and noticed its disarray, both just silently vanished all the bottles, empty or not.

Quietly James called for Tilly who he asked to take Sirius back to the Manor, to his room. When the elf popped away with their friend the others just looked at each other and knew they needed to watch out for him in the coming weeks. As the guys went back down to pay for the room and board Lily picked up Sirius' clothes that were flung around the room. Once that was all done all three apperated back to Potter Manor and their friend.

~End Flashback~

Sirius never talked about those three days and the others didn't ask. They knew when he was ready he would tell them. They also knew that he continually put on a brave and happy face that never reached his eyes. The only one who could bring a true smile to his face anymore was Harry, and they felt that he somehow knew it because he was always asking for 'Padfoo'. Sirius lived between his flat and Potter Manor, and Lily and James always knew when it was bad because they would find him as Padfoot curled up in front of Harry's crib.

Lily was pulled out of her relive when the floo flared again this time producing the tall, lanky, sandy haired werewolf. Lily just smiled at Remus. She could see the strain around his eyes. It was getting close to the full moon and they really hadn't seen him in about two months. They were worried about him, well at least Lily and James were, Sirius was just getting more and more suspicious of Remus the more he pulled away, but that was also the reason Remus was getting suspicious of Sirius because he was pulling away from the Order, but not his friends.

"Good to see you, Remus," Lily said as she approached him, but that's when she saw his eyes widen almost comically she noticed that Remus was looking at the other wolf.

As Remus came through the floo he was contemplating what was going on in his life and the Wizarding world. He had just watched as his schoolboy friend, or was that current traitor; go through to some of the only people he trusted anymore. He better not hurt them, was a common taught in his head. It was getting close to the full moon and he could feel the wolf starting to get a little frenzied but once he crossed into the Potter's sitting room it was as if his wolf subsided and calmed giving the man more energy than he'd had in a long time. Remus staggered a half a step back, so shocked was he to be suddenly filled with energy. He looked around and his eyes fell on the gigantic wolf sitting at the feet of his friend. He could hear Lily talking to him but just couldn't understand the words. He just kept looking at the animal feeling as if his knees would buckle. He was brought out of his trance when Lily touched his arm, startled he looked down at her eyes that were filled with an expression he couldn't put a name on.

"Remus?" she asked.

"Hey, Lily," he replied a little shell-shocked. Lily could tell he was still a little out of it but she couldn't tell if it was because of Fen's presence or because it was still so close to the full moon. "That's one big wolf." Remus said indicating the giant that hadn't moved other than to lie down. Lily just smiled.

"Well he's just visiting." Remus just nodded his head absentmindedly as he skirted the beast. Lily just shook her head at his antics. She then turned back to the rest of the room and took stock. Alice, Frank and James were still looking at Fen with trepidation but as she looked around she noticed that one person was missing.

"Dear," she called to James.

"Yes, my love."

"Where's Sirius?"

"He said he had to go to the loo." Lily nodded but then took on a worried look.

"Which one?"

"Hmm?"

"Which bathroom did he go to?"

"Why does that matter Lily?"

"Because he never knocks," Lily was interrupted when she heard a yell. "Who was that?"

"Sirius." Suddenly there was a loud crash and another scream. "That was also Sirius," James said with worry and looked to his wife who had her mouth covered almost as if to keep from laughing. He looked at his wife with surprise.

"I think Runa just threw her battle-axe at him," Lily said.

"Battle-axe?" the others exclaimed. They all turned to the doorway when suddenly Sirius barreled through, turned around then slammed the door and then whirled back around arms braced against the door. He looked around wild-eyed; finally his eyes landed on the massive furry form on the floor that he swore looked at him in amusement and promptly fainted.

~Several minutes before~

As Sirius came through the floo he could feel the tension in his back start to loosen. He was going home. Potter Manor was far more his home than Grimmauld Place ever was, and even more of a home than his flat.

Once through James greeted him.

"Hey, Padfoot, what's up?"

"Nothing much just wanted to check in with you and your family. Didn't expect the Longbottoms to be here. What'd Dumbledore want with you guys anyway?" Sirius asked as Frank joined them. Frank and James just looked at each other and he could tell that they were trying to decide whether to tell him or not. He could see it in their eyes when they decided that they would let him in on what was going on.

"It's a bit of a long story," James started but stopped when Sirius held up his hand.

"Tell me in a bit, I need to go to the loo." James just nodded. Sirius headed out but before he did he noticed that Lily was looking at him with what he saw as pity. He didn't like the pitying looks, but he was learning to accept them. He knew that they had lost loved ones as well. James had lost both his parents to this damn war and Lily had lost her parents to a drunk driver. Alice's parents had died when she was young and Frank had lost his father when he was a child. Then there was Remus who lost his parents to illness. He knew they understood in their own way but it was what they didn't know that was eating him alive. He hadn't just lost Marlene; he'd lost his unborn child.

He and Marlene had decided that they weren't going to tell anyone until they couldn't hide the baby anymore. No one had known, and that's what really tore him apart. That there was no one else to mourn the life lost before it was given the chance to live. Well no one besides him and the spirit he thought he saw in Limerick. He knew he was two sheets to the wind most days but she had been so vivid that he didn't think he dreamed her up. He never told the others about the spirit or about how she somehow started to heal his shattered soul. He knew without a doubt that had it not been for that spirit talking sense into him he wouldn't be alive.

~Flashback~

Sirius was looking out far beyond the sheer cliff he stood upon. He felt like his soul was gone. Beautiful Marlene, with her heart-stopping smile to the light in her eyes, her life snuffed out far to soon, and their unborn baby whose life was never given a chance. It should have been me, he kept thinking over and over again. Not them, "ME!" he screamed at the wind. Finally he sagged to his knees and fell forward laying his hands on the craggy cliff. He stayed this way until a soft voice spoke to him.

"This world is a cruel one isn't it?" At the voice Sirius startled and looked in the voice's direction, right next him. What he saw he would never be able to put into words. The being was completely ethereal. Her dark hair cascaded down her back brushing the back of her calves and when she looked down at him her eyes held no iris, no pupil but was only completely and purely white. Her porcelain skin bore no blemish and her pure white dress flowing softly in the breeze that had replaced the howling wind, almost as if her presence calmed even the wind.

"Are you real?" Sirius asked. The being only gave a small smile.

"As real as you are."

"I'm dead then?" The being laughed but then a sad smile took the delights place.

"No Mr. Black, you are not dead."

"How do you know my name?"

"I know many things Mr. Black, your name being one of them. Another is that I know why you're here at a place so many have come to give up." Her words while delivered softly held no less of a slap. "Do you really think they would want this?" Sirius couldn't look her in the eyes that made him feel as if they saw right through him. He thought on her question but for some reason he couldn't give her an answer. Her eyes took on a soft yet sad look to them. "I'd like an answer Mr. Black." Her voice had taken on a tone he knew all to well, as his head of house in Hogwarts had used it often. He grimaced at her and still did not give her an answer. Finally she sighed.

"Mr. Black is James Potter not your brother?"

"In all but blood," he said hollowly.

"Is Harry Potter not your godson?"

"Of course he is."

"Is Lily Potter not the sister you never had?"

"She is but, I don't see where this is…" he was cut off with a look, silencing him.

"Is Remus Lupin not a friend whom you would do anything for? For example becoming an animagus." Now Sirius was just looking at her with growing suspicion.

"Yes, but I don't see your point." Again she ignored what he said.

"Then do they not see you the same way?"

"I know they do but…"

"Then are you throwing them away?"

"No, I…" Once again she interrupted him and it was really starting to tick him off.

"Then what are you doing?"

"I don't know! I don't know, okay! But who are you to judge me? You don't know me. You don't know my pain." As he said those words the being's eyes cut toward him and he felt as if he was sliced in half.

"You are correct in assuming I don't know you Mr. Black but do not assume I don't know the same kind of pain or that you are the first to ever feel this kind of pain. However many of them didn't have what you do."

"And what prey tell is that?"

"Family and friends that would go to the ends of the Earth for you."

"What?"

"Do you really think that they would just let you do this?" She indicated the cliffs edge that he so very close to. "Do you really think those that you have lost would want this?" Sirius just shook his head feeling the tears burn in the back of his eyes. "So again I ask you why are you doing this?"

"Because it hurts. Because I want the pain to go away. Because…" He was cut short with a stinging slap to the face soon followed by another. He held both hands to his smarting cheeks and just stared at the fuming spirit in front of him. He could see the anger in her face as the blowing wind swept her hair into frenzy.

"Did that hurt?" Sirius just nodded. "Good that means you're alive, that you are still living; are you trying to throw away what so many are denied? Then whose pains are going to be responsible for then? Do you really think they would stop looking? Don't you think this would just crush them? That it would take a part of that happy life away? This is unfortunately a time of war so yes we will lose people but it is the people left behind, the living who can suffer more heart break more sadness but that only means you are alive! Let me ask you this. If it had been you that was lost would you have wanted her to give up like this?"

"No."

"If it had been Lily and Harry lost would you have wanted James to give up like this?"

"No!" The mere thought of James even contemplating his kind of thoughts was unbearable.

"Then why are you?" she exclaimed. "They look for you, you know? They haven't stopped looking since you disappeared. They love you Mr. Black, just as much as you love them. Are you going to take away one more spark of happiness is this dark time?" Sirius just looked at this being, this being that couldn't be real, and felt the dam he had built up around his heart, break. Once again he fell to his knees and just sobbed. He didn't know how long but then he felt soft cool hands on cheeks. When he looked up the spirit was kneeling in front of him with eyes overflowing with sympathy.

"I do not ask you not to mourn the loss of life and love but to not give up, because there is someone who would mourn you just the same." Looking into her eyes Sirius could see what she spoke of to be true and just nodded. The smile that showed on her face added light to his dark world and as she lent forward and placed a soft kiss on his forehead brought calmness to the storm. Sirius could feel his eyes grow heavy and as sleep claimed him he could hear her singing a soft lullaby.

~End Flashback~

The next time he woke he was back in his bed at the inn. He couldn't tell if what had happened was real or just in his head. He had been so lost in his thoughts that the only thing that had brought him out was when Lily knocked over a bottle that he had strewn over the floor. As Lily had talked he could see what the spirit had talked about. He could see the worry that clouded her eyes but it was her love for him that allowed him to finally accept the comfort he had run from. When he had awoken again he was in Potter Manor, in his room. He wasn't really left alone for long and the majority of the time he was left to care for Harry when he wasn't working.

Sirius was so lost in his thoughts that like always he didn't knock on the closed door of the bathroom. But he did stop when he heard a question.

"Lily? Is that you?" The voice brought him out of his thoughts. There in front of him was perhaps one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Her long raven's wing black hair bushed the back of her calves but it wasn't until she brought her hair to the front of her that he noticed she was only in her knickers. He just stood there holding the door open, dumbfounded, so when he didn't answer the woman turned around. That was when he was blasted with the intensity of her bright teal eyes set in a hauntingly beautiful face with high cheekbones, finely arched brows and a cupid bow's mouth. They both just stood there staring at one another. When finally her eyes filled with anger.

"You're not Lily," she observed in a tight voice. From her tone Sirius knew he was in trouble. He would never admit it but as he saw her anger rise he yelped and slammed the door shut behind him. Who the bloody hell was that? Sirius thought leaning against the door with his chest rising and falling rapidly when suddenly the wood cracked under a heavy blade right next to his face this time causing him to scream. He stumbled away from the door that had a battle-axe in it. At the sight of the weapon Sirius broke into a run.

He sprinted through the sitting room door and immediately turned and slammed it closed. When he reeled around to look back at the room he took stock of the inhabitants. It was when his eyes fell on the hulking furry form that the last of the blood drained from his face. And no matter what Prongs or Moony said he did not faint!

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That's the end of this chapter. Please Review!