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When her mind started fighting off sleep, she wasn't quite sure where she ended and he began. Sleeping in the twin bed had proven to be difficult, but he made it completely worth it. They'd climbed into the bed and fell asleep shortly before midnight, but they both woke only an hour later completely drawn to each other. She could still feel his panting against her neck, his stubble on her chest, as she rode him into both of their orgasms. He'd fallen onto his back, bringing her with him, and letting them calm down before she fell asleep on his chest.
But two hours later greeted them both with her on her stomach and him half on top of her. Again, no words were spoken as they joined again. His entire body slid against her backside, his thighs trapping hers between his as he entered her. Despite facing the pillow, it was no less intimate. Elliot's arm slid underneath her, pressing to her chest and cupping the side of her face. When she felt his nose press against her cheekbone, she reached back, finding purchase on his neck, as her entire body came alive with the slow but deep thrusts the position allowed.
Even now, half past five and eyes still closed, her body was humming from his body next to hers. She'd only been introduced to him fully less than twelve hours ago, and her body was craving his again. She knew it was because it was Elliot. She'd never felt this way before, and she knew he was the only person in this world who could drive her insane and plunge her deep in love. Not that she'd said those words to him yet. He knew though. And, the thought of how deep they were scared the shit out of Olivia more than anything. They'd gone through so much together, and they rode through everything.
Elliot Stabler was the person who made her happy, but he was also the person who could truly break her. His leaving hurt; she was sure there would be a fear for a long time about whether or not he'd stay even if she knew he wasn't going anywhere. And, he wouldn't blame her for it, not one bit. He'd continue to love her. The knowledge of that made her chest constrict, and her feet took over. Because as irony would have it, the person who could make her happy the rest of her life was also the person who could destroy her if things didn't work out. As small as that if was, the threat of it caused her to redress quietly and rush out, leaving Elliot to wake up alone.
To say he was upset would've been an understatement. In fact, he would've laughed if someone had accused him of being upset, because it didn't even scratch the surface. He woke up alone. First, he wondered if Olivia had gone to the main living space to search for something to eat. Not finding her there, he looked for a note, a text, even a missed phone call, but even as he tried to look for a plausible explanation her missing clothes told him all he needed to know. When they were partners, he would've stormed the precinct, started a yelling match in the squad room, and probably would've embarrassed them both to the point where their years of denying an affair would've been deemed a lie to every cop who ever met them.
He'd grown up since then, but he was still Stabler. He ran away, and she ran away. This time was going to be different. He called Ayanna, telling her he wasn't going to make it in. Thank God she didn't really question him further about why he needed the day away. He'd dressed in slacks and a blue button down, knowing Olivia always commented that he looked good in blue, stopped to pick up breakfast, dropped some boxes off at his new place, and headed for the 1-6. He was confident, determined, and then he saw her standing by her office.
Olivia felt him in the building before he stepped foot in the squad room. She'd been frantically trying to rebuild her walls on the inside, preparing for a conversation with him about how they shouldn't be together. She didn't believe it. As hard as she was trying, every barrier fell down the moment she met his eyes. He was dressed like he was heading for work, just without one of the vests she had become more used to seeing on him, and he held a plastic bag filled with takeout containers. Her head might've been telling her to go to her office and lock the door, but the rest of her wanted to run to him. "Detective Stabler."
"Captain Benson." Elliot greeted back, an edge to his voice. He wanted to yell at her, walk over to her and kiss her. God, she looked beautiful, and the fact that his emotions were now tied to her in such a new way seemed to make him angrier at the fact that their morning was starting out this way compared to how their night before ended.
Olivia took a few steps closer to him, glancing around at her detectives as she lowered her voice. "I don't remember us having an appointment."
"Well, just like you, I figured I could sneak right in." Elliot knew it was petty, but he couldn't help the dig. "Besides, I brought breakfast. Crispy bacon just as promised. I would've been here sooner, but I had to send it back twice for them to make it right. Nearly charred."
Olivia sighed, knowing to not even bother reaching for the bag. He'd demand they have breakfast together. If roles were reversed, she would've done the same thing. "C'mon." She let Elliot walk into the office ahead of her as she turned to Fin. "This might take a while."
"You okay? Or, should I pound his ass for whatever he did last night that was stupid?" Fin questioned, glancing towards the office to see Elliot settling in.
"He actually didn't do anything this time." Olivia admitted, scratching her knuckle along her eyebrow. "Can you just hold down the fort?"
Fin nodded. "Take all the time you need, Liv."
Olivia bit her lip as she walked back to her office, closing the door behind her and slowly turning to Elliot. "I know we need to talk, but you can't just show up here and expect me to drop everything for you."
"After our talk last night, I expected you to talk to me instead of running away." Elliot stated, hearing the scoff that came out of Olivia at his words. "So, let me get this straight. I tell you to back off, which prompts you to show up at my apartment to give me an intervention. Last night, I tell you I want more, and you sneak out at the crack of dawn to avoid talking about this."
"Yeah, and you knew exactly where to find me. I'm not hiding. And, you know that intervention was not my idea." Olivia argued, pointing at his as she sat down behind her desk.
Elliot frowned at her, meeting her eyes. "Not the point, Liv. What? Were you lying last night when you said you wanted more?"
"No." Olivia immediately shot back, eyes wide with shock that he'd even ask that question.
"Then, why did you run?" Elliot challenged.
Olivia sighed, feeling the moisture gathering in her eyes despite her attempts to hold back the emotions that bubbled to the surface. Even though she was upset, her words still had bite to them. "Because, I can't get involved with you if you decide one day that you want to leave again."
That floored Elliot. He gaped at her, registering the words. He knew she had every right to feel that way, and he probably would've reacted differently if he wasn't so angry about her walking out. "You really think I would do that."
"You did! Ten years ago." Olivia's voice raised, her arm flinging out as if it could show the magnitude of what ten years looked like. "You disappeared and left without even a goodbye. Without a word-"
"I'm not going to do that again." Elliot stated firmly.
Olivia pursed her lips together, cursing herself knowing he could see just how much hurt she was holding in now. "How the hell am I supposed to know that? The one person I trusted without any question, without any doubt, was you, and you hurt me more than any knife or bullet could." She took a deep, shaky breath. "I can't do this constantly wondering if you're going to leave again. It was hard enough to do ten years ago. I know it would destroy me after last night, and, if we actually started something that I can't see an end to, it would nearly kill me."
Elliot swallowed thickly, his own throat constricted by his emotions. "Then, let's get everything out in the open."
Olivia's head snapped up. "What?"
"Let's get everything off our chests, every problem, every heartache, every second that we wished for the other. I want to be with you, and that means earning back your trust and your faith. We've been barricading ourselves behind lines to avoid talking about our feelings for over twenty years. Let's talk about them now."
"Are you sure you want to go down that road? Because, I can guarantee you won't like what's on it." Olivia breathed, searching for any doubt it his eyes.
She couldn't find any though as he replied. "At this point, it's the only way."
After having a civil breakfast with each other, they agreed they needed to be on an even playing field. It wasn't the best spot, but it was theirs in a way. The interrogation room. It was neither hers or his, and the interrogation room, although not this exact one, was sort of their beginning as partners. A place they were always in sync even if they were pretending to be other people. Grabbing two chairs from the conference room, they took the metal chairs from the interrogation room to jam the doors, tilting them under the doorknobs. There would be no interruptions from anybody outside, no distractions, and it would be a reminder to them that they weren't running this time. To leave the room would take more than just turning a doorknob here.
The sat across from each other in the conference room chairs. Neither knew how long they would be in there, but they knew it'd be long enough for metal chairs to get on their nerves. So, Elliot sat with his hands steepled by his mouth and arms braced on the table, Olivia with her elbows on the armrests and hands clasped in her lap. She had taken off her blazer jacket, draping it on the back of the chair and leaving her in a sweater. It felt like they were partners again, dressed down to how they were as partners.
Elliot cocked an eyebrow at her, his voice calmer now after they had taken some time to eat and wind down. "Do you want to go first?"
Olivia exhaled slowly, just gazing at him for a moment. "You wore blue."
"I did." Elliot confirmed after glancing down at his shirt sleeves, thrown off by the statement.
"Almost forgot how good you look in blue." Olivia breathed, catching his eyes.
Elliot nodded. "I remember you liking blue on me. Figured wearing it today couldn't hurt." He caught the hint of a smile on her lips, but it quickly faded. "What do you need from me, Liv? Just tell me. I'm not going anywhere."
"Stop saying that." Olivia whispered, her eyes glassy again as she met his. "Stop saying that you're not going anywhere, that you're not going to leave. I know we've been getting closer since you returned, but it does not erase the past ten years. Do you know what it feels like to walk around and feel like the ghost of you is right there and know that you chose to walk away without a word? You ignored my calls, my messages. You changed your God damned number."
"I know." Elliot breathed. He felt like he was suffocating watching the heartbreak unfold on her face. But, he knew this was nothing compared to how she felt ten years ago after he'd all but made Olivia find out from Cragen that he wasn't coming back.
Olivia continued as if she hadn't heard him. "It was one thing to not tell me you were leaving SVU, but you left me. After everything we've been through, you disappeared like I meant nothing, and I felt crazy and angry thinking about you all the time."
Elliot let his hands fall to the table. "You mean more to me than the world. Liv, you have to know that. I made a choice, yes. It was never easy. I thought about you every day. We spent twelve years together as partners. Retirement quickly showed me you know me better than anybody else. Still do. Even over in Europe, I'd be walking around with Kathy or the kids enjoying the sites, the simplicity of everything, and I found myself thinking how much you would love it for about a week or two before you'd be itching to get back to New York. There were so many times I'd be driving and look over in the passenger seat to tell you something, and it wasn't you there. Sometimes, it was just an empty seat. It felt like you died, but since it was me who left it felt like I'd killed you." He took a deep breath. "I made the choice to leave, and I regret it. I regretted leaving the way I did every single day. I regret leaving you every second. But, I know what it's like to live with the ghost of you. To know you're somewhere else but still in my head, and I can't just reach out for you. I hated it just as much as I did the first time."
"The first time?" Olivia frowned, not understanding how his leaving SVU was the second time.
Elliot ran a hand down his face, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. "Computer crimes. . .Oregon."
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