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"Oregon?" Olivia's eyebrows raised. Honestly, she hadn't thought about Oregon in years, and to say she was shocked when he said it would've been inadequate. "We're going back that far?"

Elliot nodded, grunting as he seemed to mull it over. "I think we have to. We've been avoiding this topic for so long, we can't go forward without complete transparency."

"If we're going for that, you know we have to go further back than that." Olivia huffed out, lifting up her legs and resting them on the edge of the table. She fiddled with her fingers, meeting his eyes again. "But, honestly, I don't remember a time when things with you weren't complicated."

"Here I thought it was just me who couldn't figure it out." Elliot smirked, happy to see she at least found it a little amusing instead of just sad that it had taken so long to get to this point. That they actively chose to keep their relationship safe for the sake of not complicating their lives and reputations. "If we go through this, 'complicated' can't fix all our issues or explain away questions. It hasn't worked before. It won't today, even if we both know what it means."

Olivia nodded this time. Despite how nervous she felt about it, reminding herself that it was Elliot seemed to make the butterflies settle to just the normal way they fluttered when she was in his presence. A glance across the desks. The way he said her name. Nothing had changed in those feelings since they first met. "When did you realize this," she gestured between the two of them, "wasn't just about partners."

Elliot smiled gently. "I had the thought within the first day of being paired with you. I brushed it off, chalking it up to my attraction for you, to our ability to work so well together. Every time I had the thought, it was like a leaky pipe. I just kept shoving rags in there to try and find another way to describe us. After a few years, it was easy just to tell myself we knew each other so well. We'd been partners longer than most in the unit. We dealt with heavy, personal cases that made us quick to bond and trust each other." He shrugged. "When I told you that I didn't want to wreck our partnership that night in the hospital, that's when I knew I couldn't explain anything away anymore. No matter how much I tried, my feelings kept leaking out. That case showed me how much I had been lying to myself and how much you cared too. I had only ever loved one women, and it scared the shit out of me when I realized I was in so deep with you."

"It's a grounding feeling. To realize that somebody is going to be there to have your back no matter what." Olivia was almost murmuring to herself. "But when you're used to chaos, it's terrifying, because you've never had that before and you don't know how to keep it going without shattering it."

Elliot hummed in agreement. "Kathy once told me that you kept me grounded. I was content to have life as is. Once you were gone, I couldn't sit still and just relax. I retired only to go back to work on another continent dealing with some of the worst people. . ."

"We both felt that way with each other I think." Olivia glanced towards the mirror where her office sat on the other side. "I was happy being your partner. Once you left, it wasn't enough anymore."

"Oh my God." Amanda breathed staring at Olivia and Elliot from Olivia's office. She had just come in to place a file on Olivia's desk, but her attention was quickly captured by the intensity radiating from the interrogation room. Quickly rushing to the door, she leaned out far enough to see Fin walking back towards his desk from the break room. "Fin," he glanced up at her, "come here."

Fin walked in only a moment later, following Amanda's eyes and hand gesture as she led him towards the mirror in Olivia's office. "What have they gotten into now?" He reached over to the speaker, turning on the volume just loud enough so they could hear and earning a dirty look from Amanda. "There's no point in staring if you can't hear anything, Rollins." He looked back in, only catching a few of their words to each other but stunned nonetheless. "I can't believe they're actually talking things out."

Amanda shook her head, trying to pull Fin out of the office. "This is private. Whatever is happening obviously is intended for it to just be between the two of them. They locked themselves in together." She pointed to the chairs tilted under the doorknobs. "I know you got to see their days as partners, but this feels like it's something different."

"This is them as partners. They don't do 'by the book'. They're just talking about what they should've talked about then." Fin stated, gesturing between the two. "I wonder what happened last night for them to finally open up. This wasn't an accident. They must've crossed a line they hadn't before."

"As in a fight?" Amanda asked, returning to standing beside Fin and staring at the former partners inside.

"No," Fin shook his head, "they got too close."

Olivia watched Elliot roll his shoulders, hearing one of them pop before he relaxed. "You okay there, old man? You're actually creaking."

"Ha ha." Elliot replied flatly, readjusting himself in the chair. "Haven't slept on a twin mattress since I was a teenager and I've been sleeping on the couch since Kathy died. My body is finally protesting." He met her eyes again, his lips upturning just a bit. "Not that I'm complaining. It was totally worth it."

Olivia chuckled, a blush flooding her cheeks remembering the many 'worth it' moments from the night before. "That it was." She bit her lip, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "So, I guess it's your turn. You answered my question."

Elliot clasped his hands over his stomach, watching for a moment as she bit her lip. "Why didn't you talk to me this morning? Why did you run out at the crack of dawn just to avoid me?" It felt as if the floor was shifting along with their conversation. Like the Earth's axis shifted just by flipping a switch. "If you're scared, I get it, but you could've talked to me."

"Didn't we just discuss that our go to move is to run from each other?" Olivia retorted, a slight edge in her voice. She took a calming breath though. "Yes, I know talking to you would've been better, but you make me feel like all the issues I'm freaking out about just go away. And, it works until I start coming back to reality and wonder if we'll mess things up or if work will tear us apart or if you'll walk away again."

"I get that, but what if I became part of your everyday life? Part of your reality? I promise, Liv. I'm not going anywhere." Elliot breathed, ready to brand the words on his skin if she would feel better.

Olivia shook her head. "I didn't think you would ten years ago. I never thought you'd turn into a complete ghost. You knew this squad was my family, that you were my family. The most important person of my family."

Elliot leaned forward again, trying to reach for her despite her eyes still downcast towards her hands. "I'm right here. Partners. Family. Best friend. Liv, you're everything and more to me. What I did was stupid, and I never wanted to hurt you. But like you said, it's easier to forget about our problems when we're with each other, talking to each other. I couldn't call you, because I knew I'd give up everything to be with you. When I felt ready to talk to you, like I could stick to my decision, it felt like too much time had passed. At some point, I thought reaching out would hurt you more than doing any good."

"Elliot, I would've understood your decision to leave the squad. I would've supported it even if I didn't like it, because I would've known it was best for you." Olivia fought back. "Look at us now. Ten years after the fact. Yes, it hurts like hell, but we've slipped back into us like riding a bike. Hell, even Kathy noticed at the hospital when she should've been worried about her injuries." She pushed out of the chair, needing to give herself some more space. "After everything we've been through and put each other through, do you really think I would've wanted none of you?"

"Not at all, but if you were feeling what I was, what we had wasn't enough anymore." Elliot stated, catching her off guard with that. "To have less of you just seemed like torture, and I never really had you to begin with. That's why I left. I gave you up, because I thought I would never get to be with you the way I wanted."

"Well, you had all of me last night." Olivia retorted, working herself up just as much as Elliot was. "You and I did what everyone accused us of for years, what your kids accused us of. You got what you always wanted, Elliot. You got me."

Elliot stood this time, his nose flaring as he marched around the table. "Don't you dare." He caged her in against the wall, both eyes intense on each other as his palms flattened against the concrete wall behind her head. "You know damn well it wasn't. So, don't try to push my buttons by making it something meaningless. If all I wanted was your body, there would've been no reason for me to avoid you. If you meant nothing to me, I would've left SVU long before I did." He leaned a bit lower. "As amazing as last night was, you and I both know that's not all I want."

Olivia breathed the single word that seemed to convey a thousand. "Elliot."

"Olivia." Elliot whispered back, only closing his eyes when she stopped the fight to rest her forehead against his. "Talk to me."

"You terrify me." Olivia admitted, resting her hands on his hips. "Because, I don't think I could recover if I let you in and you leave again."

"I promise you. I'll promise in front of God if it will make you feel better. I will never leave you again." Elliot vowed, opening his eyes just as she was opening hers. He met those brown eyes and felt his own heart jolt a little knowing just how much stood in front of him. "I'm scared too. I'm scared to lose you. Jesus, I was lucky I didn't get run over by a bus yesterday when Fin texted me. I was ready to give you anything you needed. I would've been under a scalpel in five minutes if that's what was needed. I can't lose you."

Olivia reached up, caressing his cheek softly. The stubble along his chin tickled her fingertips, and she didn't realize how good it felt to do that simple gesture until then. "Rollins told me at the hospital. El, you have five kids. I would never want you to sacrifice your life to save mine."

"Everything here is yours anyway." Elliot told her. "Every scar, organ, muscle, right down to my very bones. You've got Noah. My kids look at you like their parent anyway." He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her against his chest as he kissed her head. "The world needs you, Liv. You make the world so much better by just existing, just like you make so many lives better by just existing. Including mine."

Olivia closed her eyes. "I can't lose you either, El. But, you can't end everything for me."

"Well, you can't yell at me if I decide to end it." Elliot mused, chuckling softly when she pulled back only far enough to glare at him. "I can still give you my kidney, right? I have two. I have two lungs too. I'm like insurance for you."

"If you look at our history of bodily injuries, pretty sure I'm your insurance." Olivia smirked. She rubbed his chest softly. "You'll give me a real heart attack one of these days though if you still get shot the way you used to. There were a couple times I thought you weren't going to make it."

Elliot knew she was rubbing the star-like scar from where he'd been shot after being shoved out of a van. He'd been really lucky she had followed and saved his life that night. "I'll admit that I tended to be a little more prone to bullet wounds, but when Dana shot me that was just wrong place wrong time. How could we have predicted the bullet would ricochet like that?"

Olivia felt her stomach drop hearing the name. "I haven't thought of her in a long time." She ran her fingers over Elliot's shoulder where her bullet had hit him. She knew her shot had been an accident, but the knowledge of what she knew now were a little haunting.

Elliot sensed Olivia's anxiety just from the small change in her breathing. "Hey, where'd you go? Did something happen to Dana?"

"She's in prison. . .for murder." Olivia whispered before stepping away from him, she stopped just shy of her chair at the table. "My partner after you, he figured out she had darker secrets than we ever thought."

"What? Did she have a bad shooting or something?" Elliot asked with a frown.

Olivia shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, she fell in love with some guy. She even had an abortion for him, but he decided to leave her to marry someone else two months later. Dana ended up strangling the someone else."

Elliot gaped. As much as he and Dana disagreed, he'd never thought she'd become a killer. Not someone that was on the other side of justice. "I can't believe she'd destroy her whole career over that. When did this happen?"

"Nick and I got her confession back in 2014, but she killed her in the late eighties." Olivia recalled before shaking her head. "That's when I realized why she was so focused on work with a beautiful family at home. Why she dug herself so deep in her covers that she almost got lost. She was running away from herself. She was trying to fix what she did wrong. After she confessed, she didn't even put up a fight when we arrested her. I looked in her eyes and for the first time she looked like the weight of the world was not on her shoulders. That secret haunted her for over twenty years."

"She made her career off of her guilt." Elliot breathed. He walked over to the table, standing next to Olivia as he took her hand in his. She sat on the edge of the table, turning her head slightly to meet his gaze again. He squeezed her hand, knowing there was nothing he could say to help ease the ache of finding out news like that about a friend. When she squeezed his hand back, he knew that just his presence was what she needed in that moment.

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