Chapter 8 – Doubt

The gel was cold against her skin, and Padmé grimaced at the sensation.

"Sorry about that," Sola apologized absently. The bottle was still in her hand as she tapped at a monitor with nimble fingers. "There we go. All set."

She turned to give Padmé a reassuring smile. Seeing her expression, Sola faltered.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Padmé said at once. "I just want to get this over with."

"There's nothing to be worried about," Sola insisted. "You're not worried, are you?"

"No, of course not."

"Good."

Sola set the bottle aside and picked up the wand from its cradle. She pressed the transducer to Padmé's distended belly, her tongue stuck out in a telltale sign of concentration. She began to gyrate her wrist, seeking the right angle as she stared intently at the monitor where a shadowy image could now be seen.

"Is Ahsoka alright?" Padmé asked.

"Ahoska?"

"Yeah, is she okay? Last night was rough."

Sola looked away from the screen momentarily. "She was a bit blue, now that you mention it. She usually is, though."

Padmé looked away. She had been training Ahsoka for a week, but had yet to make much (or any) progress. Whether she did it consciously or not, Ahsoka resisted the dark side. There was so much potential for her, but she was cautious, limited. It would take more than Padmé realized to free her from the constraints the Jedi had applied to her.

But the process itself was grueling and deeply unpleasant. She taught Ahsoka as her master had taught her: with pain. Every night that Ahsoka limped back to Sola's apartment, Padmé felt a little worse about herself. Was this really the right way? It had worked with her, so she assumed it would work for Ahsoka, but perhaps Padmé was not the right teacher.

Or perhaps she was being too lenient. She needed to press Ahsoka harder! Only then would her apprentice tap her true potential. And only then would she be a valuable tool to her.

"Well that's something."

Padmé returned to the present. Her sister was leaning forward, eyes narrowed at the monitor.

"What?"

Sola gave her a smile. "Listen," she said. Keying a setting on the screen, a garbled audio sounded from the speaker.

Padmé didn't know what to make of it. There was an odd beat, fast and regular. It dawned on her what this was, but something was off.

"That's a heartbeat?" she asked. Her mouth felt quite dry all of a sudden. "But why…" She trailed off, forehead creasing with consternation.

Sola's smile broadened. "There's two of them."

Padmé gasped. "Twins!"

Sola oriented the screen so she could get a better look. "See them?"

She couldn't say that she did. The image was quite dark. A round shape caught her eye, and Padmé tilted her head.

"Is that…?"

She pointed to the spot on the monitor.

"That's the head," Sola confirmed. She repositioned the wand ever so slightly. "And there's the other one. See?"

Padmé blinked twice. She felt lost for words. Twins. She was pregnant with twins…

"Padmé?"

She blinked again, and realized that there were tears in her eyes. She hastily wiped them away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to cry."

"It's okay," Sola said. "Here, have a tissue."

Padmé accepted the tissue and dabbed her eyes. Her cheeks were warm with embarrassment.

"I don't know why I'm crying," she said.

"Chalk it up to hormones," Sola said breezily. She removed the wand and returned it to its cradle. Producing another tissue, she wiped away the gel from Padmé's abdomen. "It's emotional seeing your baby for the first time. Or babies, in this case."

Padmé nodded. She stared at her belly with distant eyes. Feeling Sola's hand atop her own, she looked up at her sister.

"You wish he was here?"

No response came. Padmé merely opened her mouth and then closed it again. She didn't know how to explain what she was feeling.

"I can't say I can relate," Sola said. Her voice was soft, compassionate. Sisterly. "Darred was always there for my ultrasounds. Although he nearly missed the last one with Pooja. I was pretty pissed at him for that."

"It's not that," Padmé said.

"Then what?"

She swallowed hard, her throat tight. Resting her hands over midsection, she closed her eyes and released a shuddering breath. "I'm afraid, Sola," she confessed.

"Of what?"

"Am I making a mistake?"

"A mistake? What do you mean?"

She gritted her teeth, her hands pressed more firmly against her stomach. "I don't want to hurt them."

"How would you hurt them?"

Ever since she had lost control on Naboo, Padmé feared what affect her powers could have on her child – or children, as she now knew. When she dipped into the dark side, was she not inflicting that darkness upon them? Did it hurt them like it hurt her? Padmé had no way of knowing. She could ask her master of course, but who's to say he knew any more than she? And even if he did, would he be truthful?

"I don't know what I'm doing, Sola. I feel like I'm drowning."

Sola grasped her hand, and Padmé's eyes flew open with a start. Her sister's expression was firm and unwavering.

"I won't let you drown," Sola said. "I didn't then and I won't now. You're my sister, and I'll always be there for you."

Padmé's lower lip trembled. While she appreciated the devotion, Sola didn't know what she was talking about. No amount of sisterly protection could shield Padmé from the forces that be. She was staggering blindly toward oblivion, hoping against hope that she could snag as many allies as she could before the inevitable confrontation arrived. She had no strategy. Nor did she have any discernible direction. Say she did somehow defeat Palpatine, then what? Would Anakin love her anymore? Would her children be unscathed, or would they be tainted like their mother?

A soft vibration caught Padmé's attention. Her hand slipped out of Sola's grasp and she rubbed her eyes.

"My comlink," she murmured. She looked around dazedly, unable to detect where the sound was coming from.

"Here," Sola said.

Her sister reoriented her as she so often did. Padmé took the comlink and thanked her.

"Yes?" she spoke into the device. The frailty from before was gone, replaced by the dull monotone of Amidala.

"Forgive me for contacting you, my lady."

Padmé suppressed a groan. "Sabé, you do realize you have the day off too, right?"

"I know, my lady, but you said this was urgent."

"You found her?" Padmé asked, straightening out her back. Sola mouthed a question but she waved her off. "You're sure it's her?"

"Yes, my lady."

"Where are you?"

"The office."

"Good. I'll be there as soon as I can."

She keyed off the comlink and licked her lips with anticipation. Her handmaidens were truly invaluable. Without them, it would have taken ages for her to find her, much less successfully make contact.

"Padmé?"

"Sorry, Sola," she said. "I've got to go."

"You're going back to the office?"

Padmé lowered her shirt and slid off the exam table. "Do me a favor, would you? Tell Ahsoka to go to my apartment. I want to speak with her."

"Padmé, what's going on?"

Wrapping a robe around her shoulders, Padmé did up the buttons and considered her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She turned to the side to inspect her profile. No bump. Good.

"I can't explain," she said. "All I can say is it's important."

She made to leave the room, but Sola grabbed her wrist.

"We need to talk about this. It doesn't have to be now, but at some point –"

"Talk about what, Sola?"

Her sister released her. "You can talk to me. You know that, don't you?"

Padmé rubbed her wrist and looked away. "I'm… fine," she said unconvincingly. "Like you said. Probably just hormones."

"Padmé –"

But she was already out the door, hurrying down the hallway and away from her doubts.

Δ Δ Δ

"The holo is heavily encrypted and any intercepted communication should be scrambled beyond recognition. It's not perfect, though. A dedicated hacker might be able to –"

"I'm sure it's fine, Sabé," Padmé cut in.

Her handmaiden's face was pinched with concern. "My lady, I feel as if I must reiterate my objection."

"You are free to do so," Padmé sighed.

They were back in her apartment, having met at the office where Sabé had provided her with the fob currently clutched in Padmé's hand. Her handmaiden had insisted upon being present when she made the call, and after some consideration, Padmé had decided to allow this.

"This contact is a known terrorist and extremist," Sabé said. "If it were discovered that you were engaged in negotiations with her, regardless of your intentions, the backlash would be considerable. How would you explain this to the press?"

"Let me worry about that," Padmé said. "You have done your job, Sabé, now allow me to do mine."

Sabé was far from assuaged, but she knew better than to push any further.

"Yes, my lady," she said.

Padmé stood up from the couch and set the holoprojector down on the ground. With Sabé standing at attention next to her, she activated the device with a snap of her finger. For a long while nothing happened. Blue light flickered in and out as they waited for a connection. Padmé set her jaw and held her hand at the wrist in front of her.

As with her first encounter with Dooku, anxiety was present, gnawing at the pit of her stomach, but she had figured out how best to manage it. She suppressed any thoughts of her master and instead focused on the developing Force presence intertwined with her own. Closing her eyes, she could now distinguish that there were indeed two. They were so similar to one another that Padmé hadn't been able to realize it until now; so bright, innocent, and utterly helpless. Her children relied on her to protect them. That was why she was doing this. She would take any risk if it meant keeping them safe.

"Yes?"

Her eyes flew open to meet those of Bo-Katan Kryze, the younger and more belligerent sister of the late Duchess Satine of Mandalore.

"Lady Kryze, it is my honor," Padmé said with a slight bow of her head.

"Senator Amidala, I must say I was surprised to learn you wished to make my acquaintance."

Padmé allowed a small smile. She hadn't expected Bo-Katan to be anything like her sister, but perhaps she had been too quick to judge. The younger Kryze sister was clearly a warrior – her flinty glower and weathered armor revealed as much – but there was also a degree of civility and even a gruff charm about her.

"Believe me, I was surprised to be in this position as well," Padmé said, chuckling at how true that statement really was. "It seems you and I could be mutually beneficial to one another."

"How so?" Bo-Katan asked.

"It has come to my attention that the renegade Sith Lord known as Maul has returned to Mandalore. Can you confirm this?"

Bo-Katan's neutral expression registered a flicker of surprise. "How did you come by this information?"

"I have my sources," was Padmé's non-answer. "Can you corroborate them?"

Bo-Katan deflected. "What interest do you have in Maul?"

"I suspect my interest in the man is much the same as yours," Padmé said smoothly.

"And that is?"

"Revenge."

Bo-Katan's eyes turned narrow. "Forgive me for being skeptical."

"I was a good friend of your sister. What Maul did to her was sickening."

"That's not it," Bo-Katan said. "You are a politician. You don't do anything without getting something in return."

"Something other than revenge?" Padmé asked.

"Revenge is neither tangible nor rational."

"But it is the way of the Mandalorian, is it not?"

The corner of Bo-Katan's lips twitched. "As I said. Neither tangible nor rational."

Padmé snorted. She had certainly been too quick to judge. "Could I envisage a scenario where you topple Maul and become the new and rightful leader of Mandalore? Perhaps. And perhaps I could envisage such a scenario where your regime would be more sympathetic to the Republic's cause."

"I see," Bo-Katan said coolly.

In truth, Padmé had no interest in Mandalore's cooperation with the Republic. But she was making this call as Senator Amidala. Her persona must be maintained, even in clandestine circumstances such as this.

"Such a scenario is purely hypothetical and so distant it hardly warrants further conversation. What I wish to offer you now is my assistance."

"What kind of assistance?"

"Are you familiar with Padawan Ahsoka Tano?"

Bo-Katan didn't react, although Padmé could sense her tension. "I believe you already know that I am," she said.

Padmé merely shrugged. "I know of her history with the planet, not with you."

"What is the significance of this question?"

"You may not be aware, but Ahsoka was recently expelled from the Jedi Order."

"I was not aware."

"She had been living on the lower levels of Coruscant when I found her."

"I hope she is well?"

"Quite," Padmé lied. "She has been living with one of my handmaidens, but as you might imagine, she's been growing rather restless."

"I see," Bo-Katan said slowly. She clearly understood where Padmé was going with this. "Tell me, Senator: are you familiar with Mandalore's history with the Jedi?"

"I am."

"Then you will understand why I am hesitant to join forces with a Jedi."

"Even if that Jedi is no longer a member of the Order?"

Bo-Katan considered. "My people would not appreciate this technicality."

"Perhaps not, but they will appreciate this fact: Maul cannot be defeated without Ahsoka's assistance."

"Is that so?"

"You know better than most how capable Maul is. You can't expect to defeat him without a similarly trained warrior on your side."

"But Tano is no more than a girl. You really think she is capable?"

"I do."

"Well forgive me if I don't share your confidence."

"You don't have to. All I ask is that you give her a chance."

"Why are you so insistent that Tano come to Mandalore?"

"I think she could be helpful to your cause."

"You want her as your spy, don't you?"

"What need would I have of a spy?"

"I don't know, but I don't trust you. When the Republic meddles in our affairs, bad things happen."

Bo-Katan was simultaneously smarter that she had expected and more stubborn than she had feared. Perhaps a different tactic was needed to convince her.

"Your obstinance will be your downfall, Lady Kryze. Maul murdered your sister, and now you're going to let him seize control over your planet? I would have thought honor meant something to a Mandalorian such as yourself."

Bo-Katan's face turned taut. "Do not speak on matters which you do not understand," she snapped.

"No, it is you who do not understand," Padmé fired back. "Without Ahsoka, your cause is futile." She paused when an idea came to her. "And without me, I might add, you are especially hopeless."

"Without you?" Bo-Katan echoed, eyebrow raised. "What could you do?"

It was a risk, but Padmé realized it was one she had to take to convince her recalcitrant counterpart. "I have leverage with a certain Jedi Knight," she said. "I can see to it that he commits his clone force to your cause."

Bo-Katan was momentarily speechless. "You want Republic forces on Mandalore?"

"Under your leadership, of course."

"How can I know I wouldn't be inviting an occupying force to my home world?"

"Because the Republic has not sanctioned this operation. Neither the Senate nor the Chancellor have any knowledge of this. Once Maul is removed, the clones will of course depart. Or they could stay behind to ensure a smooth transition of power. It is entirely up to you."

"How can you be so sure this Jedi will be willing to provide his clones?"

Padmé smirked. "Believe me. He will do as I say."

A bell ringed from down the hallway. Padmé gave Sabé a nod and the handmaiden left her side to go answer the door.

"I must be going," Padmé said. "Take all the time you need to consider my offer."

Bo-Katan's expression revealed nothing. "I will do so."

"Until next time, Lady Kryze."

The projector dimmed just in time for Sabé to return with Ahsoka in tow. Her apprentice's head was ducked and her posture was defensive with her arms wrapped around herself. She looked pathetic.

"Thank you, Sabé," Padmé said. "You may go now."

"The holo, my lady?"

"I will keep it with me. It's just as safe here as it would be in the office."

"Very well, my lady."

Sabé bowed. She spared a glance for Ahsoka before turning to depart. Padmé listened for the door to close before addressing her apprentice.

"Come closer," she instructed. Ahsoka took a couple tentative steps forward, although she was still a few meters away. Padmé sighed. "You resent me," she observed. Ahsoka didn't say anything to this. Padmé considered her for another moment before scooping up the fob off the ground. She palmed it in her hand and approached. But when Ahsoka flinched, Padmé stopped dead in her tracks. "I have news," she said stiffly.

"News?" Ahsoka echoed.

Padmé clenched her jaw. Ahsoka still refused to meet her eyes. "I have found an assignment for you," she said. When Ahsoka didn't ask for details, Padmé elaborated. "I'm going to send you to Mandalore."

"What's on Mandalore?"

"A potential ally."

Ahsoka was silent.

"Aren't you curious?"

She shrugged and Padmé gritted her teeth. Such disrespect warranted punishment, but when she raised her hand, Padmé hesitated. Rather than unleashing a wave of lightning from her fingertips, she allowed her hand to sink south. She rested it over her midsection and sighed.

"Stay here," Padmé said. "I'll be right back."

She spun on her heal and hurried toward the bedroom. There she went to her nightstand and opened the drawer. She deposited the encrypted holo and produced her personal one. She then sifted around for a second before finding a small beacon which she activated by pressing the pad of her finger to its sensor. It turned a bright blue hue which she had never seen before. Setting it back into the drawer, she turned around and left the room.

"You don't want to speak with me, I take it?" Padmé said when she returned to the living room.

Ahsoka looked up with a start, having not heard her arrival.

"It's alright, I don't mind," Padmé claimed before she could say anything.

She tried not to let the bitterness seep into her voice, but she feared she was unsuccessful. While she understood why Ahsoka feared her, she would have expected her to exhibit at least a little bit of gratitude. She had rescued her from the slums and given her a place to live. Was that not enough for her?

The holo buzzed in her hand and Padmé smiled triumphantly. She released it and the device hovered a few feet off the ground. "If you won't talk to me, perhaps you will be more willing to talk to him."

"Him?" Ahsoka asked.

The device burst to life and there he was.

"Padmé? Are you alright?"

Anakin was wide-eyed and his voice was high. They had promised never to use the beacon unless there was a serious emergency. Neither had used it to date in spite of the myriad of perilous situations they had been through in that time, so that explained why Anakin was so panicked.

"I'm fine," she said calmly.

"Then why –"

"There's someone here to talk to you."

Anakin frowned. "Who?"

Padmé beckoned Ahsoka forward with an agitated flick of the wrist. She hesitated, no doubt anxious about greeting her former master after all this time. When she shuffled into frame, Anakin's eyes turned wider still.

"Ahsoka?"

She swallowed hard. "Hello, Master," she greeted hoarsely.

"What's going on? How did you find her?"

"It's a long story, Anakin," Padmé said. "Do you have time?"

"I… well, no, but I can make time."

She licked her lips and glanced at Ahsoka. Her message was clear: Don't say anything, or else.

"Alright then," she said, returning her gaze to Anakin. "Let's begin."