Susan and Peridan have gone on to become more of an item, in an exceptionally proper chivalric love kind of way. On the one hand it's good, because it keeps the idiots at bay. Any time we get a letter we can just write back that she's in a courtship. Word seems to have spread anyway, because the letters have dwindled.

But I do wonder how long this can go on. They just do a lot of dancing and talking and flirting, and I was led to believe that there was a lot more to romance than that. Passion—whatever that means.

I wonder what the others know about what it means. It's starting to feel as though we have to know, that passion is a vital part of…something. It all seems to link up with true love and romance and marriage, and the Narnians accept and embrace it but the People shy away from it. There are always complaints from some of the People about the bacchanal being too wild. But then I see courtiers at balls and the air between them seems charged, like before a lightning strike, even though they are dancing in the most appropriate way.

Is it worth noting that charge does not seem to exist between Susan and Peridan? They are very pretty together, but very bland. Like a lump of sugar rather than a velvety piece of chocolate.

But is that important? Does Susan know? What do any of us know?

Well, Peter knows something. He goes down to the bacchanal and is well known for it. Although I should point out that with the ladies of the court his is remote and perfectly proper as far as I can see. But who knows what I can see.

Lucy is a kid, and if I don't know anything, what can she know?

Susan seems like she should know the most, but actually knows the least. It's the way she simpers over Lord Peridan, but also the way all those men who clearly desired her seemed to scare her. Everyone speaks of her beauty, but I don't think she knows what she wields. I'm not even sure she knows what she wants.

I've decided to do a bit of a reconnaissance mission at the next ball. In this I will not only get a clearer idea of things (perhaps even a more precise definition of what 'things' are), but I'll also be able to amuse myself. Ordinarily I find balls quite tedious after the food and conversation dwindles and it's all dancing and flirting and pointless intrigue.

Some information, but not enough. As the dancing started, I skirted round the edges of the crowd. Peridan is not universally popular. There is a lot of resentment that he seems to have won Susan's favour, which I suppose is understandable. But others were starting to say that he was taking advantage of Susan and using her to socially climb.

'Anyone can see how ambitious he is,' one mother huffed. 'Look at how he sailed in and took back his lands. Now he's after the Queen, and a chance at being Consort.'

This was a bit unfair. Peridan doesn't really strike me as that sort, in part because he never presses his advantage. If anything, he retreats.

I moved on to the next stage—observing the 'lovers' themselves. I grabbed Lucy for a dance and steering her towards Susan and Peridan to better observe them.

Of course she saw what I was doing. She's not stupid.

'Why are you spying on Susan and Peridan?' She asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

'I'm not spying,' I replied. 'Just observing.'

'So you think them worthy of observation,' she noted.

'Don't you?' I replied. She shrugged.

'What do you notice?' She said after a pause.

I sighed through my nose. 'Nothing new, really. Su keeps leaning towards him, kind of draping herself over him and he stands very stiff and correct.'

'But the real question is why,' Lucy said, her eyes still on them. 'Is he uninterested or is he restraining his passion?'

I snorted at the idea of a passionate Peridan.

I had to dance with other women—of course I did. For the first time, I paid proper attention. They sort of draped themselves over me. I don't know what to do with that. If I were to find a girl I liked (and I haven't yet) what comes next? It is annoying not to know. I shouldn't like to be laughed at. If I even found someone—and how do you know you want someone like that?

Apparently my subconscious has been forming a plan, because it all unfolded this afternoon with almost no forward planning on my part. I wandered into Peter's office and collapsed on the couch with a sigh while he perused some papers.

After a moment and another sigh, he took the hint. 'Something troubling you, Ed?'

'You know people are talking about Susan and Lord Peridan,' I said. There was really no easy way into the conversation.

'I'm aware,' he replied, glancing over a letter.

'Don't you care?' I demanded.

He sighed. 'Whether I care or not is unimportant. Susan has informed me as much.'

"She has?' I said. 'What's wrong with her? She's always fussing about what you'll think, even when you're not around.'

'I cannot claim to know,' Peter said, setting one letter aside and picking up another.

I rolled my eyes.

He glanced at me over the top of the letter. 'I thought you liked Lord Peridan anyway.'

'I do!' I answered. 'But I don't see what that's got to do with him marrying Susan.'

'Just that it might make it easier to have it be someone we like. It will be someone eventually. For all of us. One day.' This refrain was starting to happen a lot. With Susan having an actual romantic interest, she, Peter, advisers were all full of dour predictions that the rest of us would face this too. Sometimes Lucy and I snickered at this together. Sometimes it filled me with lead.

'Do you want to get married?' I asked.

Finally he put the letters down and leaned back, lacing his hands behind his head. 'One day. I suppose it might be nice.'

'Nice,' I repeated.

'Why?' He demanded, throwing a keen glance in my direction. 'What do you imagine marriage to be like?'

'I don't imagine it at all,' I answered. 'I just know I've heard about you at the bacchanal, and you've not been nice.'

Peter had the grace to blush before he coughed and started getting all officious. 'Yes, well, perhaps that's why I thought it best for you not to go. Maybe you're not mature enough yet.'

'I am, and I'm going this year,' I retorted. 'That's what I came to say.' It was not actually what I had come to say, but this seemed a natural turn of events. Peter opened his mouth. 'You can't stop me,' I said before I interrupted. 'In fact, a lot of our citizens have asked why I haven't gone yet, so I'm going.'

Peter objected, of course, and it felt rather good to get out some of my nervous energy in the quarrel. I knew I would win though. He had been younger than me when he had gone to his first bacchanal, so he didn't have a leg to stand on.

So now I'm going to the bacchanal. Although I have snuck down in previous years to have a peek, I still don't really know what to expect. I know it is wild and the music and drums go all through the night, and there's loads of wine and food (I quite like this idea), but there are other things that no one ever speaks of afterwards, things that made the men and women of the palace blush even while the Narnians seemed not to care. This was only the surface of the mystery.

Peter tried telling me once about sex, but he was so awkward about it he made no sense. I asked some Narnians around the castle, and they could explain the general mechanics of It, but they couldn't really answer my questions. I suppose the real problem was that I didn't know what my questions were. Any humans that I asked were shocked and started stammering worse than Peter.

Susan has caught wind that I'm going and is trying to stop me. I notice this year she's staying in with Lucy. She tried to appeal to Peter, but I folded my arms and arched a brow at him.

'He's not a kid anymore, Su. And he's got to know something sometime.'

At this she had to concede.

So I went down to the bacchanal. The feast was on the fringes, and I enjoyed myself wandering through the crowds, sampling plates, drinking wine. The bonfire crackled merrily and everyone around it chatted and laughed. Very convivial. But past the bonfire were the drums and the shadows. I knew this was where a lot of my answers lie, but it took me some time to summon the courage to go past the fire.

When I did, I saw people and Narnians writhing together, twined like so many vines. I didn't particularly like the look on some of the people's faces, although the Narnians looked happy, both joyful and relaxed. I caught sight of Peter and he was with two dryad women. As soon as I saw he didn't have any clothes on I turned away quickly. I plunged deeper into the forest with the odd feeling that I was chasing something, though I couldn't name it. Through the trees and amongst the shadows I spied a youth with curly hair. He met my gaze. His lips were very red. He seemed to beckon me, and I started to feel the drums pounding in me. I took a step forward, towards him. I felt like someone had struck a spark inside me.

A maenad snatched me around the waist and kissed me full on the mouth. I shrugged away from her, but another started pulling at my clothes. I tugged them back, looking for the youth, but he had vanished. There were girls all around me, and they were pawing at me, fawning over me.

All at once I realised I didn't like it, didn't want it, and I dashed away, weaving through all the revelers till I was alone in the moonlit night. I had drunk so much wine I vomited. Then I crept home in disgrace, with a banging headache and none the wiser at all.