I had realized long ago that there weren't enough hours in the day to focus on music I didn't like. Sure, good music journalists were critical at well, but from the time I had started to write for a music magazine when I was still in college, I had focused on what I liked. Even if it sometimes hurt. My articles also went beyond music, spanned all of pop culture. God, I had not written about anything but Hamilton for about two weeks in 2015 before somebody gave me a talking to, how maybe I could slip in some of my usual indie rock and pop music coverage again. Some people hated me for it, called me more of a professional fangirl than an actual music lover, but then other people seemed to like me for my enthusiasm and I was aware that when it came to getting my own show... enthusiasm had been more important than an actual stellar music taste. Things had changed a little then because there were sometimes certain artists I didn't care for, but still had to cover because they were blowing up. What came as a surprise was how much fun it sometimes still was. Because forcing me to listen to the music when I was preparing sometimes made me actually like it. And sometimes the people were just fascinating.

It had definitely started like that with BTS for me. International influence on the American music scene was something I highly appreciated. But as a teenager having grown up admiring Arctic Monkeys and The Strokes... dance routines weren't something I had ever properly gotten used to. I was too young to have gone through it with the Backstreet Boys, and then there were these seven guys everyone was talking about. My knowledge of K-Pop was limited, there were a few names I remembered, but that had been years previous. But I did WANT to at least kind of understand, so one evening I made Lauren go through every music video they had ever put out there with me. And of course, what had happened to so many, happened to us as well. A bottle of red wine and half a pizza later we were sitting on the couch, it was almost three in the morning. There was just so. much. material. What had started as a little research had ended in utter happiness. The words "just so precious" were said to a point where they lost all meaning. "How... what happened?" Lauren asked when we stepped outside for some fresh air. We had been staring at a screen for hours and I was a bit dizzy. "I don't know. But it can't happen every night! Promise me that we won't fall any deeper into this hole because... man. It is bottomless." Lauren laughed, nodded, then shook her head though. "But... but... Jimins voice is like that of an angel. And I love Jins dumb jokes so much... and..." I couldn't help myself, covering my ears while laughing and pretended I was running off to escape the madness. "Stop!"

I had sprinkled hints in my show but had never done a full piece on BTS, they had been recording an album while my show was more or less taking off, but now, during award season, the new album had come out and they were starting their world tour. BTS was everywhere. And for the next couple of days, they would kind of follow me around as well because friends, but also co-workers kept mentioning my little incident. When my ratings went up the following two weeks my network suspected it to be army-related and it was almost mindblowing how one little comment could move so much more around than all the interviews I had done that day. There was something that bothered me about that, but then I would remind myself that I had gotten myself into this position by myself and there were definitely perks! Also, this would blow over. Everyone was talking on late night shows about how they were fans these days and soon nobody would remember that point in time when my face had been a meme for like two seconds.

But I should've known better. Two weeks after the awards I was invited to a late-night show to talk about my own show and everyone in my team was freaking out, especially myself. This was IT. It didn't make any sense, but the other shows management made clear that it was only a few minutes on a slow day, somebody had cancelled and I happened to be in town. Not the words you wanted to hear, but it didn't matter. We had 24 hours to find clothes and prep some conversation points and... looking back I was just dumb, it was so obvious why they wanted me there. But... I was flattered and even if my small team had suspicions... nobody said anything.

I think in general I did well that night, but everyone could tell I was nervous. I tried to make a joke out of it and the interview came to an end when the host said something about that they had a little surprise for me. I looked at him puzzled. "We heard you are a fan of a certain band..." Screams in the audience. My heart sinking. If somebody had asked me what my favourite band was... my first answer would honestly not been BTS, but of course, that was what he was talking about. I went along with it, pretended to be all shy about it, did my fair share of smiling before all of a sudden there were more screams. They had tried to sneak up on me, but that was just not possible with Army in the audience. I turned around and right behind the chair I was sitting in, there they were. Grinning from ear to ear. Making a show out of it and I couldn't help myself, a little surprised scream escaped my lips, before I burst out laughing, hiding my face behind my hands. The host started talking to the boys, while I was still out of it. "It's a good surprise I gather..." he said when they stepped forward to shake my hand. Namjoon was last again and his smile was a mixture of amusement, apology and maybe a little pride. "Great surprise." I said a bit out of breath after finally having calmed down, moving over on the couch to make room for Jin and Namjoon, while the rest of them sat down on chairs behind us. There were no words needed. Suddenly it was all too clear why I was here. It would have hurt if it didn't feel as if everyone, host, audience, the band, were feeling with me. The host asked the boys a few questions, about the album, the tour. They answered, before he looked at me again, not being able to hide a grin. "So you think you will see them live..." I nodded. "If I can get tickets..." "We give you tickets." Jin said and showed me a thumbs up. "Well, I guess that is sorted then..." the host said. "But before you leave... got a favourite member?" The way he said that and the laughter that followed from all sides made clear that this was not an actual question about my bias, they were making fun of me. I sighed, scratched my forehead and asked myself for a split second how I had gotten here... but ah well. "I do." "So who is it?" Namjoon next to me was pressing his lips together to keep from laughing, only stopped to add a little "Yeah, who is it?" I smiled at him for a second, before turning around. Yoongi was sitting behind me so I didn't hesitate to simply say "Suga!" More laughter, Namjoon acting as if I had just broken his heart, Yoongi grinning silently and someone said something along the lines of "It's lie!" but I couldn't tell who it was. What felt like second later I was being sent on my way and when I stepped backstage and my assistant Harriette gave me the biggest hug I realized she had been in on it all the whole time. "Why would you do that to me?" I screamed, not actually upset. "Well, great promo... business is a bitch. And I thought you might actually enjoy yourself. I think you did." She was right.

Backstage I drank a whole bottle of water while watching the rest of the interview on a screen. I could have left of course, but I didn't. This was my first bigger tv appearance and even though it hadn't happened quiet for the reasons I had always dreamed of... it almost made sense looking back and I was happy anyways. The show finished and I tried to get my hair somewhat back in order after having hugged a couple of people. The host came over, thanked me for being a good sport and for a second I thought BTS had been rushed out through a different exit of the stage, busy as they were. But then they came in - one by one - giving me hugs and trying to converse a little. "Guess we are even now..." Namjoon said while pulling me into his arms, which made me laugh. "Hadn't expected you to be one after revenge, but alright..."

The stern-looking manager women appeared almost immediately, trying to get them to their changing room, but this time they didn't seem to have any of it. They were chatting with the other guests and staff, having a drink. I was surprised to see that they seemed to have the same relieved-happy reaction to the end of the show as I had. Maybe these things were just as nervewracking no matter how many times you had done it. I asked some of the members to video call Lauren with me, who looked as if she had a heart attack when she picked up. Finally, they were told they really had to leave now. We said our goodbyes and I was about to flop back on the couch after all that when Namjoon turned around after having walked off and sprinted back to me. Jungkook next to him was the only one who noticed, his eyebrows rose in surprise and he couldn't help but smile, but then Namjoon was standing in front of me again and that was all I could see. God, he was tall. I didn't realize my mouth had opened slightly, but I didn't have to say anything, because after just silently standing there for a moment there was that slightly awkward smile again. "So... I figured the reason you never called after we saw each other last time was because... you couldn't. Because you don't have my number. So I thought... I should probably just give it to you." Clearly, that was another joke, but I could see how nervous he was as well. He pushed one of his hands through his hair while smiling down at me. "Uhm... okay... ja, sure..." Apparently, I couldn't speak when in shock, but pulled my phone out of my pants pocket and handed it to him. While he put in his phone number I just stared at him. He handed it back to me, gave me one last smile and hurried after the others. They had stopped and Namjoon was greeted with some pats on his shoulder and Jimin jumping on his back. While I just stood there in disbelief. Finally, I looked down at my phone. And there it was, a new contact named 'Namjoon, sorry about tonight."

I had gotten so incredibly tired on the cab ride home, the last 24 hours had been a bit much. At home, Lauren was freaking out and that woke me up again. "Do you think it is actually his phone number?" I asked her, still not completely sure what to make of it. "Why... the hell... would he give you a fake phone number, that doesn't make any sense." No, it didn't. "Just text him and you will know for sure." I looked at my best friend unsure, a bit upset that on a night like this, quiet important to my career, the first thing I was doing at home was having a conversation that wouldn't pass the Bechdel-Test. But why hide what was going on in front of my best friend... It took another hour to convince me to text him because I was overthinking what to write.

Me: [12:24 AM] Soo... is this actually Namjoon then? Namjoon: [12:39 AM] It is. Me: [12:41 AM] I think I need proof.

For a few minutes, nothing happened and Lauren and I got a little scared we had scared him away, but then an image popped up on my screen. Of him, holding a mug that had the logo of the show we had just been on. It was dark, it looked as if he was on a bus, maybe they were already on their way to their next show.

Me: [12:51 AM] Okay, I am convinced. Namjoon: [12:52 AM] And how do I know this is Olivia?

"Fucking hell, look at those dimples..." Lauren next to me was clearly still looking at the image, not the text. I grabbed the same mug out of my purse and hid my face behind it while Lauren took a picture, but my bright red curly hair gave me away anyway. Namjoon: [1:02 AM] Alright, yeah. I think that is the girl RM apparently not so low-key flirted with a few weeks back.

Lauren and I just looked at each other, before breaking into laughter. What the hell was this day? She ran off to open another wine bottle when my phone rang and for a second I thought it had to be Namjoon, but nooo. The evening got weirder, it was Jackson, the ex who had hooked up with a friend of mine. I wasn't sure why I picked up. What followed was him talking super fast. About how it had been so long and that he had just seen the show, how he had always known I would make it. I was so overwhelmed I didn't say anything, but it would have been hard to get a word out anyways. When Lauren got back from the kitchen I mouthed a "Jackson" in her direction and she saved my night by putting down the wine bottle immediately, taking my phone from me and screaming a clear "oh noonoonoo, fuck off!" at him, before hanging up. By now I was on the couch, half sitting, half lying, all energy gone. Laughing, almost in tears. Just too much. I needed sleep and a lot of it.

But Lauren had different plans. This was a night to be celebrated. I heard her murmur something along the lines of "wanted to tell that asshole what was what for a long time..." when I checked my phone one last time. No response. Not from Jackson, not from Namjoon. I forgot about both of them when Lauren decided we should go out. While walking down a few blocks to a pub, she organized for friends and some of my team to come out as well. When I think about that night, many things come to mind, but my last clear thought was that I was incredibly lucky to have a friend like that.