Total Drama Pahkitew Island Reordered
Chapter 3: Twinning Isn't Everything
Review Responses
Rockin' D-99: Yes, Sugar does have a few wacky lines here and there, and I figure if she treated Ella the same way she treated everyone else, I wouldn't hate her. And speaking of Owen, I really don't know what the writers of TDPI wanted us to feel about Sugar. At times, it seemed as though they wanted to portray her as a loveable goofball, like Owen, just with a minor dark side. And given that I am not exactly Owen's biggest fan, that only made it worse for me. And yes, I do have a thing or two planned out for Beardo. I gotta admit, the guy is growing on me a little!
Guest: Not bad guesses at all!
AnonBrowser: Yup, yup, yup!
MDReborn: Yes, indeed. Sugar is hardly welcome here. But you say you don't want Amy gone so soon. Was that on purpose or did you mean Sammy? Anyway, not bad guesses.
Hello and Dubai: Thank you very much! Stroke or arsenic poisoning, those are good too!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Yeah, Sugar was at her most annoying when she interacted with Ella. And yes, I felt giving names to the pig would be cool. Plus, it's easier to refer to them as Pinky and Boris rather than the pink/brown pig or Team Maskwak's/Kinosewak's pig.
lordgemini: Oh, you noticed the differences in Sammy's character! Good eye! And yeah, Sugar does hate Ella, but I'm sure she wasn't fond of Beardo either. Speaking of which, I'm glad you like how I'm portraying him. Whether he and Dave will become friends is still up in the air, though. After all, he was tolerant of Shawn and Ella because they had their uses and were good people.
Omega Leonidas: Yes, I like to call Sammy by her preferred name as well. I'm glad you approve of most of my changes. And don't worry, typos don't bother me all that much, though I would prefer they be pointed out via Private Messaging if possible.
CMC: Yup! Like I said, there were good characters that didn't last long enough, bad characters that lasted too long, and characters that started out good but went bad. As for Sugar getting as far as she did, I don't even wanna think about it!
MatiasND: Yup, same here.
Vladitor: Yes, Sammy certainly is a rootable character!
Hugh Jidiot: Nope. Sugar's a bit of a karma houdini, which contributes to my hatred of her. And Scarlett as the villain is certainly a good guess! I mean, Sugar as the villain is pretty ridiculous.
Crosshot: Aw, don't be too harsh on poor, poor Sugar. There are ways of making Sugar enjoyable! Most of them involve her suffering heavily, but I figure those would be more appropriate for post-TDPI fics rather than AU fics like this and TDIRC. XD! Anyway, thanks! Yup, Scarlett seems to be who everyone assumes will be the villain, but we'll just have to see!
Darkwing: Thank you!
"Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris narrated. "The teams ran a very slippery race while holding some very rare pork! Beardo made some more weird noises, Ella sang again, and Jasmine won it for the Pimâpotew Kinosewak! And while Waneyitam Maskwak is now Sugar-free, they did find a cave to call home! Today's challenge is treacherous, deadly, and- unless you're doing it- hilarious! Teehee! Who will survive to play another day? And who will be sent home by a giant cannon? Find out right here! Right now! On Total Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the theme song, we cut to Jasmine and Sammy foraging for food.
"It's amazing how much fruit this island has!" Jasmine exclaimed, picking some oranges. "I didn't even see these oranges yesterday!"
"Yeah, it's crazy…" Sammy mumbled.
"Now where the bloody hell is that mulberry bush? I coulda sworn it was right here!"
Sammy let out a depressed sigh. Jasmine turned to Sammy. The cheerleader was clearly very unhappy.
"Y'know, you don't have to help me every morning just 'cause Amy tells you to." Jasmine told her.
"You- you don't want my help?" Sammy asked, grabbing her arm.
"That's not what I said!" said Jasmine. "I just want it to be your decision. Stop letting your sister treat you like a servant!"
"Servant…" Sammy muttered, her eyes to the ground. "That would be an improvement…"
"Well, do something about it!" Jasmine shouted.
"I've tried!" Sammy wailed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Really, I have, but it's not that simple! Every time I try to stand up for myself, something always goes wrong! Amy's just always one step ahead of me! She's always taking credit for my work! She's always framing me for her mistakes! But when I try to confront her, she puts on these alligator tears and steals all the sympathy! I can't do anything! I can't…" Sammy began to weep softly. Jasmine pulled her in for a hug.
"Sorry, Sammy." Jasmine said gently. "I didn't realize it was that bad."
"Sammy?" the cheerleader repeated. "You- you got my name right!"
"Of course! After all, it's only common courtesy to call your friend by her preferred name!" Jasmine and Sammy let go of each other.
"Wow! So, we're friends?" Sammy asked, a shy smile crossing her face.
"Well, the way Amy treats you bothers me. So… Yeah! I guess we're friends!"
"I've never really had a real friend before…"
"Yeah, well, neither have I to be honest. Don't worry, if Amy tries to take credit for helping me, I'll make sure to set everyone straight!"
"Hey, girls." said Shawn. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Oh! G'day Shawn!" said Jasmine.
"Yeah, hi, Shawn!" Sammy greeted.
"No, you're fine!"
Shawn and Jasmine smiled at each other, a faint blush coming across each of their cheeks. Noticing this, Sammy excused herself.
"Um, I'm going over there…" she said, walking off.
"So, Shawn!" said Jasmine once Sammy was out of sight. "Any… zombies sighted in the area?"
Confessional: Shawn
"Wow! This girl's actually taking me seriously! Looks, survival skills, and a healthy case of kinemortophobia? This girl has it all!"
End Confessional
"No zombie sightings as of this morning." Shawn reported. "But they can walk underwater, so they could still be on the island!"
"Definitely. They could be anywhere!" Jasmine agreed. Shawn briefly cast Jasmine a suspicious look.
"Well, I better get this food back to my team. I'll uh, see ya 'round?"
"Well, I don't see myself getting eliminated anytime soon, not to brag."
"That's reassuring!" said Shawn. "Later!"
Sammy came back as soon as Shawn left.
"Man, that guy's obsessed with zombies." she commented.
"Oh, we all have our quirks and interests." Jasmine said dismissively.
"I think he actually believes in them." Sammy stated seriously.
"Oh, rubbish!" Jasmine laughed.
"No, really! I heard him talking about it during the last challenge!" Sammy insisted.
"Oh? And what did he say?"
"I don't remember, but he mentioned them at least twice."
Meanwhile…
Dave had constructed a broom out of a long stick and a bundle of dead grass. He was using it to sweep the floor of the Tigers' cave. Beardo was Dave's only company, as Shawn had left to forage for food, Sky had left to find water, and Ella was bathing.
"So, Beardo… is that your real name?" he asked.
"BUZZ!" Beardo imitated the sound of a shot clock.
"Argh!" Dave cried, cringing. "You know, a simple no would have sufficed!"
Confessional: Dave
"Beardo. More like Weirdo. Seriously, I've met some oddballs in my day, but this guy takes the cake."
End Confessional
"Hey!" cried Shawn, entering the cave with a sack full of fruit. "Who's hungry?"
Beardo got up and ran to Shawn. He got down on all fours and started panting excitedly.
"Woof! Woof!" he barked. Shawn rolled his eyes in amusement.
"Alright. Here ya go, boy!" Shawn took out a pear and tossed it at Beardo, who caught it in his mouth like a Labrador catching a tennis ball.
"Oh, Shawn!" cried Ella, just arriving. "As a special thank you, I'd like to sing you a song!" Ella cleared her throat before continuing. "The fruit Shawn brought, brought joy to the team! It helped raise our strength, wit, and self-esteem!"
"Uh, thanks, Ella." said Shawn, slightly annoyed.
"I got fresh water!" Sky cried, just arriving as well. "Don't wanna get dehydrated during the challenge!"
"That is very true!" said Dave.
"The Water Sky brought, brought joy to the-!" Ella sang but was cut off.
"Thank you, but no song required!" Dave interrupted politely.
"Ella, why don't you go sing to the other team?" Shawn suggested.
"You don't like my singing?" Ella asked, looking hurt.
"No! No! We love it!" said Shawn quickly. "I just thought it'd be selfish to keep you all to ourselves. So how about you go sing the Eagles a song about… I dunno… friendly competition?"
Ella gasped in excitement.
"That is a wonderful idea!" Ella grabbed an apple out of Shawn's bag and skipped away, singing. Shawn, Sky, and Dave all sighed in relief.
"Nice one, Shawn." Sky complimented.
"Yeah, way to get rid of her without hurting her feelings!" Dave added.
"Say, Shawn if you need help foraging tomorrow, I'd be happy to help!"
"Yeah, me too!"
"Uh, sounds great…" said Shawn.
Confessional: Shawn
"I'm not diggin' all the bonding going on here. Making friends is too risky. You start to care too much about them, and the temptation to sacrifice yourself for them becomes way too strong!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, with the Soaring Eagles…
"Look at all this!" Rodney exclaimed. Sitting on a picnic blanket before the team was a vast assortment of fruit. Bananas, oranges, different kinds of apples, a pineapple, a watermelon, a cantaloupe, some peppers, and handfuls of mulberries sat on the blanket. If the team lost today's challenge, they wouldn't go hungry anyway. "Thanks, Jasmine!"
"For sure, mate!" said Jasmine.
"Thanks, Amy!"
"Oh, it was nothing!" said Amy. Jasmine looked at Sammy. The kind twin was struggling to hold her tongue. She looked so ready to go off on her sister, but past experiences had clearly taught her that this had more often than not backfired. Perhaps she had always picked the wrong time and the wrong place to confront her?
"Um, Rodney?" said Jasmine as the team dug in. "It was actually Sammy here that helped me gather this. Amy didn't do a damn thing."
"What?" said Amy, looking as though she thought she misheard Jasmine.
"Who?" said Rodney munching on an apple.
"Sammy." said Jasmine. "That's what Samey here prefers to be called."
"Oh. Well then, thanks, Sammy!" said Rodney.
"Oh, you're very welcome!" said Sammy blushing.
Confessional: Sammy
"It's nice to be appreciated for once. Jasmine, you are the best!"
Confessional: Amy
"Okay, since when does anyone take Samey's side? She's just a wannabe-me! A spare Amy! (Gasp!) Her name should be Spareamy! I am going to change her birth certificate as soon as we get home!"
End Confessional
"Um, hello?" Amy interjected. "Her name is Samey! You know, because she's the second twin?! The second Amy?! Samey?!"
"And Amy is on the attack!" Topher narrated.
"I'm the older twin! I'm the boss of her!"
"I would have been the older twin if you weren't so pushy on the way out of Mom's womb!" Sammy argued, now feeling safe enough to defend herself.
"You're lucky I didn't strangle you with your own umbilical cord!"
"Intriguing…" Scarlett muttered.
"Alright, girls! That's enough!" Jasmine shouted. The angry look on her face was enough to silence both twins. When Amy looked away, Jasmine winked at Sammy.
"After trading some brutal blows, things come to a screeching halt!" Topher narrated. "Will Team Maskwak be able to get past this? Stay tuned and find out!"
"Um, we're Team Kinosewak!" Scarlett corrected. Topher jumped and his cheeks turned pink.
"That's what I meant!" Topher exclaimed, an embarrassed smile on his face.
"Good morning, other team!" Ella greeted in singsong. The Eagles turned to look at her with uncertain frowns. "Who'd like to hear a song?"
"NOT NOW, ELLA!" Chris barked over the loudspeakers. "IT'S CHALLENGE TIME! ALL BUTTS TO THE MEETING AREA IN FIVE!"
"I'm coming, Chris!" Topher called. He got up and ran to the meeting area. The rest of the team got up and walked, a slightly crestfallen Ella following.
"I'd like to hear a song one of these times, Ella." Sammy offered.
"Oh, that'd be wonderful!" said Ella, perking up. She then began to follow the Eagles to the meeting area.
"Hey, Ella, want an orange?" Rodney asked.
"Oh, how generous of you!" Ella grabbed the orange out of Rodney's hands, her fingers lightly brushing up against his palm. Rodney gazed at Ella with a love-struck look, confusing the princess.
Confessional: Rodney
"Poor Amy! She's gonna be crushed when I tell her it's over! But I can't deny what my heart is writing in the stars! It's writing… Ella!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Topher arrived at the meeting area. Chris was writing on a clipboard and standing next to a large crate filled with water balloons.
"Morning, Chris!" Topher greeted. "I am so totally pumped for this challenge!"
"Oh, good!" Chris greeted sarcastically. He turned away from Topher. "I can't tell you how little that means to me!"
"You think that maybe I could explain the rules of this challenge?" Topher asked.
"Whoa! That's the host's job, Topher!" Chris scolded.
"Right, sorry! Just excited!" Topher apologized. "It's just that you're such a great role model! I've always wanted to be like you! I mean, it's like we're all winners because we got to meet the Chris McLean!" Chris's expression lightened up.
"Well said, Topher!" said Chris. Just then, the teams arrived. Ella went over to her team.
"Gather 'round, victims!" Chris announced. "Today's game is called Doom Balloons!"
"You had me at 'doom!'" said Max, softly.
"Shhh!" Topher shushed. "Go on, Chris!"
"You'll have ten seconds to collect as many water balloons as you can! But these balloons are not actually filled with water! They're all filled with something slightly less pleasant than water."
"Which is?" Dave asked nervously.
"Who knows?" Chris shrugged. "Talc, paint, itching powder, bees, fire ants, spiders, bird poop, snot, ketchup, it's always a surprise!" Most of the campers' faces were etched with varying degrees of disgust and discomfort. Ella was the exception.
"Yay!" she cheered, clapping her hands. "Who doesn't love a surprise?"
"None of you! None of you will love a surprise!" Chris almost sounded offended at Ella's perkiness. He took a deep breath and composed himself before continuing. "If you get hit by any of the balloons' contents, you're out! It doesn't matter if the balloons are launched, thrown, kicked, dropped, sent by courier, or accidentally popped by yourself! So be careful, and be creative!" Chris blew his whistle.
TWEET!
"Get your balloons people!" he commanded. The campers crowded around the crate of balloons and aggressively grabbed as many as they could carry. Beardo managed to grab the most by stuffing a dozen or so in his afro and then grabbing another armful.
TWEET!
After the ten seconds were up, Chris blew his whistle again and the campers scampered off into the woods in random directions.
"The hunting doesn't start until you hear the air horn!" Chris shouted.
Confessional: Topher
"Chris and me are pretty tight! I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to co-host or something-" HONK! "Oh! Gotta go!"
End Confessional
Topher burst out of the outhouse, only to find that the sound of the air horn had come from Beardo. The human soundboard snickered at Topher.
"Really funny, man!" said Topher sarcastically. Topher ran off. A minute later, the air horn sounded for real.
HONK!
Max walked along by himself. He came to a moderately-sized stone and looked around. Once he was certain he was alone, he put down his balloons and pushed the stone away, revealing a hole filled with miscellaneous junk. There was a wooden mallet, a gas mask, a bamboo shoot, a Halloween mask, a pair of pliers, some darts, and a remote control for a toy car.
"Surely, there must be something I can build with these pieces. Something deadly and evil!" he muttered.
Confessional: Max
"I've hidden bits and pieces of pure evil all over this wretched island! Nya-ha-ha (cough)! My evil laugh is a work in progress. No matter! I shall win this challenge because of my abnormally large brain and super-advanced hearing! No one has ever, ever been able to sneak up on me!
End Confessional
Scarlett snuck up on Max and tapped him on the shoulder. Severely startled, Max dived headfirst into a nearby bush, his legs poking out comically.
"What are you doing, Max?" Scarlett asked politely.
"It's very technical." Max replied, despite his disposition. "You wouldn't understand." Scarlett, mildly offended, decided to use a bit of reverse psychology.
"Okay!" she shrugged and turned away to leave.
"Wait!" cried Max, expectedly. He pulled himself out of the bush and stood in front of Scarlett. He regained his composure. "Fine. If you must know, I'm going to tape everything I have into one long stick and attach my balloons to the end, thereby allowing me to hit people with said balloons from a safe distance."
Scarlett struggled to pretend she was impressed.
"Wow! That's so evil!" Scarlett gushed, the temptation to roll her eyes killing her. Her acting was terrible but Max seemed to buy it.
"Yes, thank you!" said Max proudly.
"It's too bad there isn't a way to launch something… sharp!" Scarlett commented, trying to sound offhand. "You know, to pop their own balloons onto them?"
For a moment, Max looked as though he had been slapped in the face. He then gasped.
"I've got an even better idea! I'll build a rapid-fire balloon-busting device that fires projectiles and pops their balloon before they can throw them!" he declared.
"Wow! Your mind is so powerful!" Scarlett swooned insincerely.
Confessional: Max
"Scarlett is hopelessly in love with me, can't say I'm surprised. Girls love a bad boy! But I must stay focused on my work! Evil does not date! First I will control this island! Then this hemisphere, then the world! Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Gasps) There it is! That was an evil laugh!"
Confessional: Scarlett
"Pretending to be attracted to Max is proving to be a challenge, but it's necessary to maintain cover! I need a scapegoat for my unorthodox strategies, and Max, with his evil genius bravado, is perfect for that role!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Sky was prowling through the woods on her own, looking for any Eagles to attack. She heard a twig snap behind her. She turned around quickly and prepared to strike.
"Friendly!" Dave cried, throwing his hand up.
"Oh, hi, Dave!" said Sky, lightening up and smiling.
"Hey, Sky! What say you and I team up? Watch each other's backs?" Dave suggested. Sky hesitated.
Confessional: Sky
"Dave's a nice guy, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like him. But I have to keep my head in the game! I can't let myself be distracted by his eyes… (Blushes) or that hair… or his smile… Uh, what was I talking about? Oh, right! No distractions!"
Confessional: Dave
"It's not like I'm falling for her. I mean, sure, she's really cute and freakin' awesome at everything she does! She has those deep eyes and silky hair… Oh, who am I kidding? I'm totally falling for her."
End Confessional
"Thanks, but I think I'll go it alone." said Sky. Disappointment popped onto Dave's face. "It's nothing personal, Dave! It's just easier to be silent when I'm by myself."
"You're saying you find me… distracting?" Dave asked slyly. Sky giggled.
"You're… free to interpret it that way!" she replied.
"Wait, what was that?" Dave whispered loudly. He turned around, alarmed. "Get down!" He grabbed Sky by the arm and pushed her to the ground. He readied a balloon.
Nearby, Max and Scarlett hid behind a bush. Max inserted a dart into his bamboo shoot. He blew into it, launching the dart into the balloon Dave was holding up.
POP!
"YARGH!" Dave screamed. "BEES!"
Upon popping, a cluster of killer bees emerged from Dave's balloon and swarmed him. Dave tried to run away but was stung at least a dozen times.
"WE HAVE OUR FIRST CASUALTY!" Chris announced over the intercom. "DAVE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED MOST CLEVERLY BY MAX!"
"It worked!" Max boasted to Scarlett. "You should be taking notes on my genius!"
Scarlett couldn't help but roll her eyes this time.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Urgh! Be patient, Scarlett. He'll acknowledge you sooner or later."
End Confessional
"Max is really enjoying the game!" Chris narrated. "Obviously, he doesn't know what kind of surprises are waiting in the rest of those balloons! Teehee! Stay tuned when we return to Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to Beardo stalking through the woods, casting suspicious looks everywhere.
Rodney came up from behind a bush and spotted Beardo moving amongst the foliage. He grinned evilly.
"Sorry, Beardo! You should have gotten a haircut before ya came here!" He taunted quietly. He threw the balloon with all his might. The balloon landed softly in Beardo's afro and did not pop. Beardo whipped around and leered at Rodney, who smiled apologetically.
"AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!" Beardo buzzed. Rodney let out a frightened yelp and tried to retreat, but Beardo pursued him, pulling balloons out of his afro and tossing them at the big guy.
POP!
After about six throws, which ending up littering the ground with cat vomit, boogers, fire ants, pink paint, snail slime, and crude oil, Beardo hit Rodney in the back of the head. Out popped a rattlesnake, which bit Rodney's forehead, right above his left eye.
"Bleh! Argh! Ow! Owie! Ow!" Rodney blubbered.
"AND BEARDO TAKES OUT RODNEY!" Chris announced.
"Whoop! Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!" Beardo celebrated.
"Hey, you can't throw snakes at people!" Rodney cried indignantly.
"THE SNAKE WAS IN A BALLOON, RODNEY!" Chris explained.
"Oh. Okay then." Rodney conceded.
Meanwhile, Dave was plucking stingers out of his arms and his back.
"Dave! Are you okay?" Sky asked.
"I'm fine!" said Dave painfully. "I've just been poisoned by bees, which I may be allergic to!"
"Are you sure?" Sky asked, concerned.
"Well, I've been never been tested for it, but I've always suspected! It's better to air on the side of caution when dealing with dangerous insects."
"Very true." said Sky. "You know, that was really chivalrous of you!"
"It was?" said Dave, the pain in his arms leaving his mind.
"Yeah, that could have been me! Thanks for that!"
"Oh! Oh… You're welcome!" The two blushed for a moment.
"Okay, I need to get back in the game!" said Sky seriously. "Dave, I need you to warn the others that Team Kinosewak are using our own balloons against us! We've lost two challenges already! We need to win this!"
"You got it, Sky!" said Dave, standing up. "I am on it! OW!"
The two ran off.
Meanwhile, Chris was watching the action via television screen at the starting area, when Topher came up to him.
"Hey, Chris!" Topher called.
"Topher? You're in the middle of a challenge, dude!" said Chris.
"I know, but it's important!" said Topher urgently. "You need to call in the make-up department to do something about those crow's feet!" Chris looked nervous.
"Crow's… feet?" he uttered softly.
"Yeah, it looks like the crows were wearing cleats! What if kids start tweeting about how old you look and the network decides to replace you with a… younger host?"
"Replace? Me?!" Chris gasped in horror. "MAKEUP!" he screamed, running off. Topher smirked in satisfaction. A balloon flew over his head and he retreated.
Elsewhere…
Shawn was in the trees, following Jasmine. The tall girl weaved in and out of the trees effortlessly. She made no noise as she walked.
"Even with all the branches and twigs on the ground, she moves so silently." said Shawn. "Wow!"
Confessional: Shawn
"Look, I don't wanna like her! Seventy-five percent of all men who die in zombie movies die because the girl they love becomes a zombie, and when the time comes to cut her head off, they get all sentimental about it and they hesitate! When there are zombies on your tail, thinking is the last thing you wanna be doing!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Ella was strolling carelessly through an open area in the forest, humming. A monarch butterfly flew to her, attracted by the sound of her voice.
"Hello, beautiful butterfly!" she greeted. She stuck out her hand and allowed the insect to land on it. "You're so delicate! You should hide until our game is done!"
She gently shooed the beautiful insect away.
POP! POP! POP!
Before she knew what hit her, Beardo had hopped out of the bushes and slam dunked three balloons onto Ella. She was covered in mustard, relish, and some brown substance she couldn't identify right away.
"Whoop! Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-oooooooh shit!" Beardo cringed upon realizing he had just taken out one of his teammates.
"Beardo, I'm on your team!" Ella cried.
The human soundboard smiled apologetically.
"AND BEARDO TAKES OUT ELLA! HA-HA-HA!" Chris announced, laughing. "KINDA COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE IF YOU ASK ME, CONSIDERING THEY'RE ON THE SAME TEAM! HA-HA-HA!"
Around the forest, the Eagles laughed, while Dave, Sky, and Shawn cried out in outrage.
"Seriously, Beardo?!" Shawn yelled.
"What the heck?!" Sky shouted.
"What?! How?!" Dave cried.
Confessional: Beardo
"I guess I got a little overexcited! (Chuckles, then groans) Well, I'm screwed if we lose!"
End Confessional
Sky ran through the forest and stopped to rest by a nearby tree.
"Psst!" cried a nearby voice. Sky looked around and saw one of the trees staring at her.
"This tree has eyeballs! Mutant tree!" Sky cried.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! It's me, Shawn!" said the tree. "I camouflaged myself with mud and moss!"
"Wow! That's pretty resourceful!" said Sky.
"Thanks! I knew all my cake-decorating skills would come in handy someday!"
"Cake-decorating?"
"Yeah! Bakers have been hiding in plain sight covered in icing camouflage since like the dawn of time!"
"Seriously?"
"Well, that's what my old boss at the bakery used to tell me. Mind you, he also said the pyramids were built by pastry chefs so…"
"Shush! Here come Max and Scarlett!"
"You run!" Shawn commanded. "While they chase you, I'll hit 'em from behind!"
Shawn hid behind the tree. Once Max and Scarlett spotted Sky, she ran off. Not fast enough to lose them, but that was the plan. As soon as the devious duo passed Shawn, he nailed them both in the back.
POP! POP!
Scarlett was covered in green goop and Max in sneezing powder.
"Revenge!" Max yelled, before falling into a sneezing fit. "Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!"
"Geez, Max!" said Scarlett angrily. "I thought you said no harm would come to me as long as I'm with you." Max ignored her.
"AND SHAWN TAKES OUT MAX AND SCARLETT IN A DOUBLE-PLAY!"
"Awesome ambush, Shawn!" said Dave, just arriving. "Hey, not that it matters anymore, but Max burst my balloons while I holding them."
"Huh. That's pretty smart for Max!" Shawn commented. "Then again, it is the kind of dick move he would pull."
"Yeah, he's a real jerk, isn't he?"
"No kidding!" Neither boy had forgotten about Max stealing Chef's tennis ball blaster during the first challenge. And Dave knew Max was to blame for Pinky the pig splattering grease all over him in the second challenge.
Meanwhile, Rodney was looking for Amy. Having already been eliminated from the challenge, he figured it was time to sort out his love life.
"I have to just the right words to end my relationship with Amy, so isn't left shattered like a… cabbage… in a… cabbage shatterer thingy…." Rodney said to himself. Thanks to the snake bite, which was now swelling up, he was having trouble thinking. "Argh! Stupid snake bite!"
Eventually, he found his "girlfriend" arguing with her sister.
"Way to make fools out of the both of us, Spareamy!" Amy scolded. She then proceeded to mock her sister. "Oh, I woulda been the first twin if you weren't so mean!"
"Voice of an angel!" Rodney croaked.
"At least this time, if I go down, you're coming with me!" said Sammy.
"Good afternoon, Sammy!" said Rodney, approaching the twins. "Can I have a moment with Amy, please?"
"Rodney, you can have all of the moments with Amy!" said Sammy, before storming off in a huff. As soon as Sammy left, Rodney began choking up.
"What happened to you?" Amy asked. "Your face looks like a red pancake."
"Amy, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it." said Rodney. "I've found someone else. Someone who makes me happy every time I see her! Her smile is contagious! Her personality as warm as a campfire! You and I, we had something great, but it's just not meant to be between us!"
"Meant to be? What the (BLEEP) are you talking about?"
"I'm breaking up with you!"
"Breaking up? Wow, you're so delusional, you make Samey look smart!"
"And you make Leonard look down-to-Earth!"
"Huh?" Amy turned her head only to almost get nailed in the face by a balloon from Sky. "Argh!"
Amy hid behind Rodney as Sky threw another balloon. She hit Rodney by mistake, splattering him with pink paint.
"Sorry, Rodney!" Sky apologized.
"No! I deserved that!" Rodney cried, and he ran away sobbing. In the chaos, Amy managed to slip away.
"Dang it!" Sky cursed.
Meanwhile…
Chris had returned to the starting area with distinctly less noticeable crow's feet.
"Wow!" Topher gushed. "Nice makeup job! You look twenty years younger! It's like you're thirty again!"
"I am thirty!" Chris snapped, offended.
"Oh!" cried Topher, looking embarrassed. "Uh, yeah! I knew that! And now you look it! But you could use some moisturizer!"
Chris leered at Topher, who backed up nervously. Chris looked up, took a step back, and smiled.
POP!
Topher was hit in the back of the head by a doom balloon from Sky and was now covered in daddy longlegs.
"Thank you!" Chris called.
"ARGH! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR!" Topher cried, running away and frantically trying to shake them off.
"Alright!" Sky cried. "Take that, floating salmon!"
"You're outta balloons, Sky." Chris pointed out. "You might wanna skedaddle!"
Realizing that Chris was right, Sky ran off into the woods to find Beardo.
"Beardo?! Beardo?!" she cried recklessly. She kept her eyes out for Jasmine, Amy, and Sammy, the three Eagles who were left.
TWEEEEEEEEEEET!
Sky heard a high-pitched whistling noise. Determining that it was Beardo, Sky raced in the direction the sound was coming from, all the more cautious to be on the lookout for more of her opponents.
Luckily, all she came across was Beardo.
"Beardo! You have any more balloons?" Sky asked desperately. Beardo smiled and nodded.
"Cha-ching!" Beardo imitated the sound of a cash register and inclined his head, causing four balloons to fall out of his afro.
"Good thinking, Beardo!" said Sky, picking up the balloons.
"WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO!" Beardo urgently imitated the sound of police sirens, grabbed Sky, and dove into the bushes, narrowly avoiding being bombed by Jasmine, swinging in on a rope.
"Whoa! That was close!" Sky gasped. "Beardo, you distract her, and I'll try to ambush her from the trees!"
Beardo gave a thumbs-up and hopped out of the bush.
Confessional: Beardo
"Nothing against Jasmine or anything, but I was kinda hoping for a rematch!"
End Confessional
"Ooh-ooh-ooh!" Beardo made gorilla noises. He spotted Jasmine in the trees. Jasmine threw a balloon at him and missed.
Confessional: Jasmine
"How is such a tubby bloke so agile?"
End Confessional
Beardo tossed two balloons at Jasmine, but neither of them reached their target. The first one failed to reach the required altitude to hit Jasmine and the second was blocked by a branch. Beardo, reached into his afro, only to find that he was out of balloons. Mimicking the sound of tires squealing, Beardo retreated. Jasmine pursued him through the treetops, skipping gracefully through the treetops like a spider monkey.
POP!
Jasmine nailed Beardo in the back of his neck, drenching him in bird poop. Beardo let out a fart noise in response.
"Yes!" Jasmine cried.
POP!
"No!" Jasmine cried.
While Jasmine was celebrating, Sky had gotten the upper hand on her and hit her with a doom balloon. Jasmine was covered in India ink.
"(Whomp-whomp-whomp-whoooooomp!)" Beardo teased.
"Oh, shut it, you!" Jasmine snapped.
"BEARDO HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT BY JASMINE!" Chris announced. "BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS A SACRIFICE THAT ALLOWED SKY TO TAKE OUT JASMINE! ONLY TWO PEOPLE LEFT ON EACH TEAM! IT'S NOW SHAWN AND SKY VERSUS AMY AND SAMEY!"
Sky dropped to the ground and began running through the woods in an attempt to find the twins. She ran so fast that she eventually ended up tripping over a stone and dropping all of her remaining balloons. They all popped, but luckily none of the contents made contact with Sky's person.
Once Sky got to her feet, Amy and Sammy popped out of the bushes with two balloons each. Amy threw both of hers, but Sky managed to barely avoid them. Sammy threw hers and…
POP!
"Argh! What the-?!" A white powder had been coated across Sky. An unbearable itch came across her arms and scalp. She started scratching violently. "ARRRRRRRRRGH!" she screamed in frustration as she tromped off.
"AND SKY IS TAKEN OUT BY AMY! OR SAMEY! I DUNNO, I CAN'T TELL!"
"Well done, Sammy!" Jasmine complimented. "You took out Sky!"
"Uh, hello!" Amy coughed. "Loud cough of interruption! I was the one who took Sky out! Not Samey!" Amy pushed her sister away from her.
"Amy, unlike Chris, I can tell you two apart!" Jasmine said, pointing to her eyes. "And Samey's shot was excellent!"
Sammy beamed and Amy just sat with her mouth agape.
"Alright, now Shawn is the only one left! I spotted his hiding spot a little while back! Follow me!"
Jasmine led the twins to the edge of a short cliff about forty feet high. Peeking over the edge, they could see Shawn hiding in a cluster of bushes, poking his head out. His camouflage had worn off a little bit.
"He's right below us!" Jasmine whispered.
"Oh boy…" Sammy mumbled. "That's a long drop! You take the shot, Jasmine! I don't wanna mess it up!"
"And she would!" Amy jeered.
"I can't, Sammy! I'm out!" Jasmine said. "Hell, I don't even know if I'm allowed to be doing this!"
"It's our last balloon!"
"You can do this, Sammy!" Jasmine encouraged.
"Give me the balloon, you turd! You'll miss!" Amy demanded, grabbing the balloon. Sammy held onto it.
"Like you missed Sky? Twice? While I got her on the first throw?" Sammy challenged.
"You liar!" Amy shouted. "You wouldn't even be on this show without me!"
"Yeah, because I was trying to get away from you stealing my life!"
"Girls, be quiet!" Jasmine shushed.
"I'm stealing your life?! You stole my DNA! You copied me! I've had live with you embarrassing me and our entire family for sixteen years!" Amy screamed.
Shawn scampered out of the bushes and ran away from the cliff.
"Oh, bloody hell, there he goes!" Jasmine cried. "Way to go, Amy!"
"It's Samey's fault! She provoked me!"
As the girls continued to argue, Shawn ran to two trees with a giant rubber band tied between them. He loaded his balloon in the middle and pulled back on it.
"Hasta la vista, ladies!" Shawn whispered. He let go of his balloon. Then, like a giant slingshot, the balloon shot through the air and hit Jasmine, Sammy, and Amy.
POP!
"NO!" Jasmine screamed, her and the twins now covered in tree sap.
"GAME OVER!" Chris announced. "TEAM MASKWAK WINS!"
"Ha-ha! Might wanna keep quiet next time, girls!" Shawn taunted. He then ran off, cackling.
"Way to go, Samey! You ruined everything! I'm telling!" Amy ran off.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Wow, good thing they weren't born Siamese twins, or I reckon Amy would have eaten Sammy by now!"
End Confessional
Chris called the teams back to starting area.
"Tonight's winners get to enjoy dinner from Mary's Lamburger!" Chris announced, holding up the menu. "That's Mary's Lamburger & BBQ Emporium! Mary had a little lamb! Teehee! HAD!"
Chef snickered.
"AROOOOOOOOOOO!" Beardo howled like a wolf as Chris handed the menu and notepad to Sky.
Later that evening…
The Soaring Eagles had retreated to their treehouse for the night. After taking baths, the girls underwent a bit of a wardrobe change. Scarlett exchanged her yellow sweater for a red one. Jasmine exchanged her white t-shirt for a black one, and her hat, shorts, and vest were now the same color as her boots: dark green. Amy and Sammy had changed into their away cheerleader uniforms, which had the red and white inverted. In addition, Rodney now wore a plaid jacket over his paint-stained shirt and overalls.
Currently, Amy and Sammy were out on the deck, having been excused so that the rest of the team could discuss elimination. They silently leered at each other. Both had given their cases to the team as to why the other should be voted off.
"I'm gonna vouch for Sammy!" said Jasmine. "I could tell for a fact that it was her who took out Sky! And she forages with me every morning!"
"Yes, but only because Amy makes her!" said Max. "Besides, Samey's way uglier!"
"They're identical twins!" Jasmine argued.
"Personally, I like the idea of keeping them both here!" said Topher. "The more drama, the better the ratings, am I right?"
"Who cares about the bloody ratings?!" Jasmine argued.
"Chris does!" said Topher. "After all, he's trying to put on a great show!"
"Yeah, well, I'm trying to win a competition! I don't care if the show's popular or not."
"PIMAPOTEW KINOSEWAK!" Chris called. "IT'S TIME TO BREAK UP THE FAMILY! PLEASE HEAD TO THE ELIMINATION AREA SO YOUR OPPONENTS CAN WATCH YOU KICK SOMEONE OUT WHILE EATING DINNER! TEEHEE!"
Confessional: Rodney
"I'm going to vote for Amy. I just can't bear to face her after breaking her heart today!"
Confessional: Scarlett
"There's no doubt that Sammy is bonding with Jasmine. I'm voting off Sammy to kill any potential alliance."
Confessional: Topher
"So, obviously one of the twins is going home tonight. The question is, which one do I vote for? The one that'll cause more drama? Or the one that helps Jasmine in bring in breakfast?"
End Confessional
Outside, both twins stood up.
"Enjoy being cannon fodder, Spareamy!" Amy taunted.
"We'll see!" said Sammy.
Elimination Ceremony: Pimâpotew Kinosewak
This time, the Soaring Eagles arrived to see the Ferocious Tigers in the peanut gallery. Dave and Sky sat in the back, while Shawn, Beardo, and Ella sat in the front. The female Tigers, as well as Beardo, had also undergone a wardrobe change. Sky's shirt was now navy blue with a white stripe, instead of pale yellow with a purple stripe. Ella wore a blue version of her princess outfit. Beardo had changed out of his messy gray t-shirt and into a clean green one with a music note on front.
As though he was waiting for them to arrive, Chef came out and handed the Tigers their meals as soon as the Eagles arrived. Sky had ordered lamb chops. Dave and Shawn ordered lamb burgers. Beardo ordered a steak. Ella ordered a salad.
After the Eagles cast their votes, they sat down and waited for Chris.
"Alright, players!" said Chris, once he arrived. "If I hand you a marshmallow, you're safe! For now!"
"Jasmine!"
"Topher!"
"Scarlett!"
"Rodney!"
"And Max!"
Chris tossed marshmallows to the named campers. When Max's name was called, the Tigers let out groans of disappointment.
"Oh come on!" Shawn cried indignantly.
"Wow!" said Chris. "Looks like you're making yourself some enemies, Max!"
"'Tis the true measure of a villain. You simply count his enemies!" said Max, seemingly pleased.
"If you say so!" said Chris. He then turned to the twins. Amy had a relaxed, confident smile on her face and was folding her arms. Sammy had a worried frown and held her arms behind her back.
"Amy, Samey, one of you is going home tonight and can never come back!"
Confessional: Topher
"Yeah right, old man! Tell that to Eva, Izzy, Owen, Courtney, Duncan, and Dakota!"
End Confessional
"Amy, you seemed to be more concerned with bossing Samey around than you are with helping your team!" said Chris. "And Samey, you seem more concerned with making yourself out to be a victim of bullying. But here's the thing: You deserve it for being born second! Every older sibling should have the right to treat their younger sibling like a slave! And the sister heading home is…"
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"Amy!"
"WHAT?!" Amy shrieked.
"YES!" Sammy cried.
"I mean, yes! Woohoo! In your face, Amy!" Amy cheered.
"Nice try, Amy!" said Chris.
"But I can't be voted off! Not before Samey! I demand a recount!"
"Hey, I'm surprised, too! But the votes are what they are!" said Chris.
"Sorry, sis!" said Sammy.
Chef grabbed Amy and dragged her down to the Cannon of Shame. Chris, Jasmine, and Sammy followed.
"YOU TRAITORS! YOU IDIOTS! YOU POOPHEADS!" Amy screamed as she was stuff into the cannon, an Evel Knievel helmet messing up her hair.
"Buh-bye, Amy! Have a nice flight!" Sammy taunted.
KABOOM!
"I'M TELLING MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Amy screamed as she soared through the sky.
Chris turned to the camera and closed out the episode.
"Eleven players remain! But only one goes home with a million dollars! Find out who lasts and who blasts! On the next Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
Epilogue
Sammy watched her sister fly over the horizon. Once Amy was out of sight, the sweet twin gave a heavy, shuddering sigh of satisfaction.
"Sounds like you're having an orgasm there, sheila!" Jasmine teased. Sammy blushed.
"What can I say? She's had it coming! For years!"
"For sure! Good for you!" Jasmine gave a light punch on the shoulder.
"I guess twinning isn't everything! …Okay, that was lame! But thanks for helping me out with her, Jasmine!"
"No problem! Though I would like to see you standing up for yourself from now on!"
"I can do that!"
Votes
Amy: Sammy
Jasmine: Amy
Max: Sammy
Rodney: Amy
Sammy: Amy
Scarlett: Sammy
Topher: Amy
Results
Amy: 4 votes (Eliminated)
Sammy: 3 votes
Rankings
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: While the eliminated contestant is the same as in canon, here she is eliminated by legitimate means. Not only had I felt it would be more satisfying, but here it actually sets Sammy free. Admittedly, the idea of Sammy framing Amy and taking her place in the competition sounds clever on paper, but it ultimately put a huge roadblock in her development. The writers really wrote themselves into a corner with this plotline, resulting in an unsatisfying conclusion to her arc. Also, I removed the scene where Amy fake cries to get her team's sympathy, because that was incredibly painful. I actually had several ideas for Amy. One of which was completely switching the two of them, with Amy getting voted off but taking Sammy's place instead of the other way around. Jasmine would find out about this and blackmail her into an alliance. Another idea was portraying her as tough on Sammy, but not abusive, and once she had learned to stand up to her, Amy would proclaim how proud she was of her sister for growing a spine and quit the competition, wishing Sammy luck. On another note, you may have noticed in the thumbnail that several characters have different colors for their outfits, and that was foreshadowing the wardrobe changes in this episode. These changes will be permanent until I say they change again.
Thank you all for reading! Sorry for getting it out so late! I promise the next one will be up next Saturday! And please review!