The following day was hard. I woke up sometime around 2 PM and felt like throwing up for hours, but it never came. Only towards the evening at least the headache lifted. I talked to a couple of people on the phone, my parents, my sister, but then climbed back into bed. Lauren brought me tea and some food and I was wondering how she could cook while I could barely stand. Well, she hadn't had nearly as much to drink last night, she had not danced on that chair, she had not fallen when climbing down again. "Ah damn..." I murmured when I remembered that there had been blood on my tights. Carefully I folded up my sweatpants leg and... nope. "Let me patch that up." Lauren just said while I lay back down, trying to forget about the sight of my battered up knee.

It had been all worth it, I could remember almost everything after all. But when I scrolled through Instagram I realized that we weren't the only ones who knew how much fun we had had. Apparently, no one had kept me from sharing about 12 Instagram stories... starting with me toasting to the others about half an hour after we had left... and ending with a three-part story of me dancing to music in front of a store when we had walked back home while the sun was already rising again. Groaning I considered deleting everything, but now it was too late anyway.

"Did you ever write him back?" Lauren asked while taking care of my knee. Suddenly my ears felt incredibly hot, just because my body panicked at the idea. But no, somehow I had acted like a complete moron last night, but at least I had not drunk texted Namjoon. Or called. I had to check both just to be sure. "But I probably should..." I said, now fully aware that I had kind of left him hanging. His attempt at flirting had been cute and totally innocent, I really should have answered...

Me: [7:13 PM] Hey! So sorry I never wrote back last night. Things got a bit out of hand celebrating... Namjoon: [7:15 PM] Yeah, I saw... :)

Lauren had left, I was alone, looking at those three words and feeling like throwing my phone out of the window in embarrassment was probably a good idea.

Namjoon: [7:17 PM] I don't know who your friend is who tried to freestyle about how awesome the night was, but he was BAD Namjoon: [7:18 PM] Not as bad as you though! Me: [7:19 PM] OHMXNBE stop! Me: [7:21 PM] Next time I am drinking I will lock my phone away before. Namjoon: [7:24 PM] Nah, don't do that. Was really entertaining. The boys all said it was a shame we had to leave so quickly.

I was lying there. From what I knew I doubted that they could have joined. Or maybe they also had these nights, but just were much more careful about social media?

Me: [7:25 PM] My head hurts =( Namjoon: [7:26 PM] Sorry to say this, but... you probably deserve it. Me: [7:27 PM] Cruel. Namjoon: [7:29 PM] Actually had a bit too much to drink last night myself. It was our choreographers birthday and we had a good six-hour bus ride to Toronto. Wasn't pretty. Me: [7:32 PM] I mean... what I like about that is how willingly you are giving this information out to the press. Aka me. Namjoon: [7:33 PM] :O Actually forgot. Namjoon: [7:34 PM] Shit... Me: [7:35 PM] I am just messing with you... all good, glad you had a good time! And enjoy Canada!

We said our goodbyes and since I wasn't moving anytime soon, since everything still hurt... I had plenty of time to think. It was weird how it didn't feel like we had never properly talked to each other in person, but then again... we both had seen each other on screens - admittedly me more him than the other way around - which sometimes gave the illusion that you knew a person. But we really didn't. I had never imagined BTS drinking on a bus. I guess I had never imagined BTS doing anything but practice, sleep and maybe play with puppies (the mind goes where the mind wants to go, okay?). So much for imagining people complexly...

Life got back to normal after that. The hurricane BTS that had taken over the States was still going strong, but I just was no longer part of it. And that was fine, I was grateful for the break before going back into production again. After the show, Army had lost their shit for a couple of days and I at some point had to keep myself from looking at fan edits. It was just too bizarre. I knew it was harmless in a way because basically EVERYTHING these boys did was well documented, seeing yourself in it was just so weird. You could probably find videos about everyone they had ever met. But there was this one still in particular, where we were sitting next to each other on the TV shows couch, looking at each other, that somehow got to me. The caption usually said something along the lines of "When you are playing along as a joke, but really you just haven't realized that you are in love." I could see what they saw. The way we looked at each other in that exact moment... I probably would have assumed something was going on as well. So I tried my best to stay away from it all, losing my mind over something that had never happened was probably a good idea.

Even though I was busy I sometimes caught myself checking if Namjoon had written. And while I was sitting at our studio getting my make up done I decided to just get over myself...

Me: [1:22 PM] So... how is tour life? Namjoon: [1:24 PM] Exhausting! Doesn't come as a surprise really but I am so tired... Me: [1:25 PM] Gosh, I can only imagine. Are you at least having some fun as well? Namjoon: [1:27 PM] Yes. We went to a Portuguese restaurant yesterday. It was amazing, but they mixed some sort of peppers in that had me crying for a good 30 minutes. Me: [1:29 PM] Peri Peri! Namjoon: [1:31 PM] Bless you? Me: [1:34 PM] Nooo... It's the name of that Portuguese hot pepper... I've been it's victim before. Namjoon: [1:37 PM] Just messing with you ;)

The fact that he never took more than a couple of minutes to write back was flattering. I still wasn't sure why exactly we were texting in the first place, but hearing about his day was exciting and calming at the same time. They were in LA now and about to stay there for several days for shows and tv appearances and when he suggested I should come out to see the show I almost said yes. Before I realized that I had a job. He arranged tickets for their New York show towards the end of the North America stint of the tour. And I decided not to tell him that Lauren and I had already bought some when they had come on sale.

I only realized after I was done that the make up artist had been smirking the whole time. "You look happy, girl." he said and I could tell what he meant. "It's nothing..." "Sure. That is what nothing looks like." "I hardly know the guy. Also, it started as a joke, there is no actual..." He interrupted me, simply pointing the blowdryer at my face for a second, which shut me up. "Ever heard of being a bit smitten with someone because it is logical? That is not how that works... Just... enjoy it, will ya?" I looked at him for a few seconds, then just nodded my head like an obedient school girl. Then sighed. And then decided to take his advice.

Me: [2:10 PM] Do you think when you are back in New York we can find the time to hang out? Got some great Portuguese restaurants here as well...

I had to admit I was a bit surprised by my own directness. Not something I was particularly known for when it came to guys, but normally I also didn't have to be. I had ditched Tinder the second I had realized how awkward I could be via text.

Namjoon: [2:13 PM] Definitely! We have a few days off after the shows and before we head to Europe. Namjoon: [2:15 PM] Would love to see you!

I smiled at my phone. Okay. Here was to hoping I wouldn't regret this.

Lauren had made a stew that night and together we zapped through channels before she suddenly stopped at one. "Oh, what a coincidence. Happened to get on that channel right when the late-night show begins your new boyfriend is on tonight." It took me a second to realize what she meant, but only commented by pushing my elbow in her side before sinking back into my seat. The questions weren't that great because it felt like I had seen them answer them so many times... I could have answered for them! Also, I was distracted by... "Dimples." I murmured after a while without realizing before it just came out. "I know, that's what I've been saying..." Lauren answered just as cryptic. But we both understood what the other meant.

"So... how is the US treating you? Are there any places you want to see? Any food you really like?" "In-N-Out." I murmured as a prediction what the answer would be, "shopping!" Lauren guessed. Seconds later Hobi got up and did his little shopping dance and Lauren triumphantly raised both of her arms above her head. "You win!" I said while laughing. The other boys had taken turns telling what they were looking forward to. When it was Namjoons turn I had just stopped admiring my celebrating friend and started eating again when he said "I am actually really looking forward to New York this time. I heard there are some amazing Portuguese restaurants there." I almost spat my food out, while the moderator looked a bit surprised at the random answer, before moving on. Namjoon smiled directly at the camera now and I just looked over to Lauren, not sure if this was actually happening. She didn't get it of course, so I pushed my phone over to her side of the table without a comment. It was easy to tell when she got to the part of the conversation I wanted to show her. "Oh my... what have you gotten yourself into?" I was shaking my head as an answer, a mix of joy and surprise clearly visible on my face. "I guess it's a date then." "It's... no, it's a... meeting between acquaintances." "Ollie, it's a date!" "I don't know, maybe it's..." "Let's ask him, he will know..." Lauren had started typing on my phone and I had to tackle her before she could send it. We were both laughing, lying on the living room floor, her still loudly declaring that it was a date. I wasn't sure whether she was right, but I tried to think about the makeup artists wise words. At least they made me feel better because I was still thinking about Namjoons dimples.