Total Drama Pahkitew Island Reordered
Chapter 4: I love you, I love you knots!
Review Responses
Cristina Correa: Actually, I think TDAS also lacked a swimsuit episode. Sure, both All-Stars and Pahkitew Island had water challenges, but the competitors didn't get to change into their swimsuits for stupid reasons. As for Scarlett and Harold being related... I don't think so. Scarlett said that she severely traumatized her brother and Harold seemed to be fine in the first three seasons when he wasn't being harassed by Geoff and Duncan.
Hello and Dubai: Yeah, Amy's not used to people not being on her side, and she can be a bit childish. Glad you liked it!
MDReborn: Sorry about that, man. I guess Amy could have been a more complex character, but I didn't really like her enough to give her that treatment.
Omega Leonidas: Yes, agreed!
Vladitor: Of course.
Darkwing: Yeah, Sugar is a dumb choice for an antagonist. Sure, she's mean and ruthless, but she's kind of an idiot.
AnonBrowser: Yup, I knew you'd be satisfied here! I doubt any of us had a problem with the impersonation trick at the end of the third episode, but by the end of the fourth, I think we all started seeing a few problems. I'm glad you like what I'm doing with Beardo!
Rockin' D-99: Okay, fair enough. Sugar's a huge karma houdini. I guess I was just being casual when I said that. And yes, Jasmine and Sammy's friendship was one of the better aspects of the season. I always figured Sammy's situation with Amy was more complicated than her just being a spineless pushover. After all, you don't need to be a horrible person to take advantage of someone (but it helps). About them needing multiple seasons to get fleshed out properly, you're probably right, but I believe that no season should have any loose ends, in case it ends up getting canceled, as we thought Total Drama was until recently.
AJustice90: I guess...
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Nice observations!
lordgemini: Yup, you'll notice in many of the canon episodes, Team Maskwak's victories were more out of luck than not. And while I did prefer Maskwak over the Kinosewak, I felt it did them a disservice and underplayed their strengths by having them win out of luck rather than skill. And yes, Rodney is more articulate here, and it's not because of the snake bite. It was just causing him a bit of grief as he tried to think of a good way to "break up" with Amy. And I'm glad you're enjoying my Beardo. And yes, the Tigers are quite annoyed with Max, given that he stole Chef's tennis ball blaster and used it against them, had Pinky the pig throw grease at them, and popped Dave's balloons while he was holding them.
MatiasND: I did consider it, but I figured it wasn't the right way to go.
A 1 Pole: Yup, I got rid of the three least popular characters in the first three episodes. It seemed like the logical thing to do. As for a post-TDPI version of Total Drama All-Stars, I am actually planning on writing a fanfiction with that exact premise after I finish this one. I'd love to answer your question, but I don't want to spoil the cast.
Guest: I doubt it. I do plan on eventually doing one for Revenge of the Island, though. Can't promise anything else, though.
Hugh Jidiot: Thank you! And good guesses!
Razenoid: You'll have to read and find out for yourself!
Crosshot: Yeah, agreed. Like I said to Rockin' D-99, Sammy's situation with Amy was more complex than Sammy just being a wimp. As painful as the scene of Amy fake-crying was, it did point out how difficult it was to stand up to her. I get that Jasmine wanted to help her, but she didn't fully understand what was going on. And yes, I never fully understood why Scarlett spent so much time with Max, even after she revealed her true nature, so I applied my own theory here.
Cody Fanatic: Despise is an overstatement for me, but yes, she's an annoying character. I have actually met a couple of people who do prefer Amy over Sammy, but they're a very tiny minority.
Polaron: You'll see!
Stormblade: Thanks!
Vipron: Thank you for your praise.
1. There are 84 contestants across the entire franchise. And you're asking me what kind of pokemon teams they would all choose? I'm sorry, but this question is way too loaded to answer.
2. I don't know much about Power Rangers. I guess, judging by purity, we could have Brick, Shawn, Sanders, Zoey, and DJ as a potential team. Maybe their zords would be based on North American animals such as a bear, wolf, horse, sasquatch, and a hawk.
3. I know absolutely nothing about Bakugan, so I can't help you there.
4. I'd rather not say at the moment.
5. I suppose it would depend on the actor, but I'd guess I'd ask them their opinions on their character and what they think of the rest of the series.
"Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris narrated. "The teams went wild with balloon animals! And not the kind you're thinking of! But in the end, Team Kinosewak went bust! And for the first time, they had to send a member home! So Amy and Samey told everyone that the other was lamey! In the end, Amy took the blamey and the Cannon of Shamey! Let's start the gamey! It's time for Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the theme song, we cut to the Soaring Eagles' tree fort. Jasmine, as usual, had slept above the dwelling rather than in it. She yawned, stretched, untied her leg, and then hopped to a lower branch. She then hopped to the roof of the tree fort before jumping to the ground.
"Hey!" cried a voice from the tree fort. "You going foraging without me?"
"Gee, Sammy!" said Jasmine. "You don't have to, you know! After all, Amy's not here to make you!"
"I know! But I love foraging with you! It's just the two of us!" Sammy explained.
"Well, in that case, come on!" said Jasmine, smiling. Sammy smiled back, threw on her away uniform, and climbed down.
Confessional: Sammy
"Amy forcing me to help Jasmine was the best thing that's ever happened to me! Now, Jasmine and I are pals, and Amy's long gone!"
End Confessional
As Jasmine and Sammy picked blueberries, Shawn jumped out of the bushes yelling like a madman.
"HI-YAH!" he yelled. Brandishing a long stick like a sword, he swiped a berry bush, and a good chunk of berries flew upward. Shawn caught a handful and showed it off to Dave.
"And that's how you hunt berries!" Shawn bragged.
"Well, that's one way…" said Dave.
Jasmine and Sammy immediately went over to the boys with friendly smiles.
"Hey, Shawn! Hey, Dave!" Jasmine greeted. Shawn tensed up.
"Uh, hi." said Dave, politely, though still frowning.
"You boys wanna pick with us?" Jasmine asked. Shawn responded by grabbing Dave and running away as fast as he could.
"I think that was a no…" said Sammy, sounding as disappointed as Jasmine looked.
Confessional: Shawn
"You know how dating works. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes your brain being eaten by a zombie baby that was hiding in your pillow!"
Confessional: Dave
"Call me crazy, but I think Outback-Amazon-Jasmine-with-the-cool-accent has a thing for Zombie-Nut-Shawn-who-doesn't-bathe. (Pauses for a moment) This place is weird."
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Scarlett and Rodney had volunteered to do the laundry. They gathered up the clothes that were soiled in the balloon fight the previous day and took them to a nearby pond.
On the way, Scarlett held her hand out to bring Rodney to a pause.
"Careful. Raccoon poop." she warned. She looked at Rodney and was taken back by the look on his face. "Are you alright? Your vacant stare suggests a manner of neurological arrest…"
"How'd you know I don't like stepping in poop?!" Rodney exclaimed, sounding astounded.
"Well, statistically speaking, a vast majority of homo sapiens register disgust upon-" But Rodney completely ignored her.
"Of course! It means something! Love!" Rodney declared. Scarlett's eyes widened.
"Love?! Us?! Me?! But we-?!" Scarlett stuttered, shocked and embarrassed, Rodney still paid no attention to her.
"Oh, but I can't hurt Ella!" Rodney moaned sadly. "She's so delicate! She'd never get over the heartbreak!"
"RODNEY!" Scarlett barked.
"Yes, my little apple?" said Rodney.
"I am not in love with you! When a girl shows you common courtesy, that doesn't mean they're in love with you! Didn't your mother ever teach you about love when you started puberty?"
"My mom died when I was ten." said Rodney, sadly. Scarlett was taken back.
"She did?"
"Yeah, she died giving birth to my youngest brother, Ralph. Since then, it's been me, my dad, and my five little brothers. Randall, Roderick, Roman, Roy, and Ralph."
"What were your parents named?"
"Rudolph and Rebecca."
"So, you have no women in your immediate family?" Scarlett inquired.
"No."
"Well, that explains it!" said Scarlett, rolling her eyes in disgust.
"Explains what?"
"Never mind. Let's just get these clothes washed."
Scarlett and Rodney arrived at the pond, where Sky and Ella were also doing laundry.
"Hi, Scarlett. Hi, Rodney." Sky greeted. Ella shifted uncomfortably at Rodney.
"Hey!" said Rodney. Scarlett waved and smiled.
Scarlett dunked Sammy's home uniform into the water while Rodney looked at Ella with great sadness. Ella caught this and gave him a kind but nervous smile.
Rodney lost his balance and almost fell into the pond. Sky reacted quickly and held him back long enough for him to regain his balance.
"Thanks." said Rodney.
"You're welcome, Rod… ney?" Sky became uncomfortable watching Rodney smile at her, lovestruck.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Of course! An imbalance of pheromones coupled with a lack of female guidance throughout adolescence causes any physical contact between attractive females to result in infatuation! Yeah… Rodney needs to vacate this island posthaste."
End Confessional
"Um, I think our clothes are clean enough, don't you think so, Ella?" Sky said, uncomfortably.
"One second! I'm still trying to get this nasty stain off of Beardo's shirt!"
"Work quickly!" Sky pointed to Rodney with her elbow. Ella got the hint.
"Yes, well, I'd say it's hardly noticeable right now!" Ella and Sky grabbed their clothes and retreated.
"Goodbye, Sky!" Rodney called. "Until we meet again!"
Scarlett groaned and face-palmed.
Later, Scarlett and Rodney returned to the Soaring Eagles' picnic area to be greeted with breakfast.
"Oy, Scarlett! Done with laundry already?" Jasmine greeted.
"They just need to dry." Scarlett answered.
"I'll take care of it!" said Jasmine, taking the clothes from her and Rodney. "You and Rodney dig in!"
"Much appreciated!" said Scarlett.
"Hey, Rodney." Sammy greeted. "Want some berries?"
"Don't touch him!" Scarlett warned, but it was too late. Sammy put her hand on Rodney's arm as she deposited a handful of berries into his hand. Rodney once again cast a lovestruck gaze upon her.
"Um, if you don't like berries, we did find some nuts…" said Sammy, uncomfortably.
Confessional: Rodney
"Wow, the way she gave me those berries was very sweet and personal! Love is an arrow and I am pierced by it! (Gasp!) I've got four girlfriends! What do I do? How do I choose?"
Confessional: Scarlett
"And that's every girl except for Sugar that he's had a crush on."
End Confessional
Sammy turned to Scarlett with a worried look. Scarlett nodded grimly at her.
"Is it just me, or does Sammy pick way better berries now that Amy's gone?" Rodney asked.
"Oh… I'm pretty sure they're the same…" said Sammy modestly.
Suddenly, the loudspeakers produced a horrible feedback, causing all of the campers to cringe and cover their ears.
"MORNING CAMPERS! IT'S TIME TO START TODAY'S FUN ACTIVITY! SO GET YOUR BUTTS DOWN TO THE MEETING AREA, TOUT SUITE!"
As the Tigers gathered together and walked to the meeting area, Shawn asked a question.
"You guys know what tout suite means?" he asked.
"I think it's French for 'right now.'" said Sky.
"Weird." Shawn commented. "Kinda sounds like some sort of whistle made out of candy. Toot sweet."
"That sounds amazing!" Ella exclaimed. She then began to sing. "Toot… Sweets! Toot… Sweets! The candies you whistle, the whistles you eat! Toot… Sweets! Toot… Sweets! The eatable tweetable treat!"
TOOT!
Beardo made a loud fart noise, causing his teammates to cringe.
"Not that kind of toot!" Dave shouted. "Ugh, freak."
Beardo frowned.
Confessional: Beardo
"I don't think Dave likes me."
End Confessional
Five minutes later, the teams arrived at the meeting area. A large scoreboard and television screen had been set up in between the two logs.
"Step right up, players!" Chris announced. "Team Kinosewak on the right, Team Maskwak to the left!" Chris told the audience.
Topher sat on the inner end of the Eagles' log, followed by Jasmine, then Sammy, then Rodney, then Scarlett, and ending with Max on the other end. Shawn sat on the inner end of the Tigers' log, followed by Sky, and then Dave. Beardo appeared at Dave's side, smiling, much to the germaphobe's confusion. Ella sat down next to Dave.
"Um, Beardo? There's a spot right next to Ella." said Dave, impatiently.
Beardo frowned sadly and took the seat on the end.
"It's time we separated the heroes from the cowards and the honest from the liars! Today's challenge is a good old-fashioned game of Truth or Dare! I call it, Brute or Scare!" Chris announced.
"Woo-hoo-hoo! Sounds nasty!" Topher commented. "Once again, Chris, you deliver the goods! If I had a hat, it would be off to you! Hey, Jasmine, can I borrow your hat for a second?"
Jasmine smiled and rolled her eyes. She handed Topher her dark green hat and he put it on his head. He took it off grandly and handed it back to Jasmine.
"Yes… Thank you, Topher!" said Chris, annoyed. "Now then! Every round, a player from each team will be chosen at random by the scoreboard!"
The television had two spaces on it, both of which were spinning pictures like a slot machine. The section on the left had pictures of the Soaring Eagles. The section on the right had two pictures: a halo and a fire. The left section eventually stopped on Sammy, who gulped nervously.
"It also chooses whether you'll be doing a truth or a dare! Halo means truth, flames mean dare! Get a dare, and you'll have to perform a scary slash disgusting challenge!"
The campers gasped. The spinner stopped and landed on a halo.
"But in this case, Samey has gotten a truth! So she just has to answer a personal question!" said Chris, walking up to the cheerleader. "But she must tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! No matter how brutal it is!"
"How will you know if we're telling the truth or not?" Sammy asked.
"For that, we spared no expense!" said Chris. A bronze hen with intense eyes strutted into the meeting area. "Meet Clucky! The truth-detecting chicken! No lie gets past this bird! She's former CIA and runs her own law firm! If you have a secret, this poultry polygraph will pluck it out!"
"Buckaw!" Clucky clucked, flying onto Chris's head.
"Completing a dare or telling the truth gets your team a point! But if you fail a challenge or tell a lie, your whole team gets a shock!"
"Um, what do you mean 'shock?'" Dave asked nervously. "Also, what are these metal collars Chef's putting on us?" Chef came by each camper and locked a silver shock collar around their necks.
"You just answered your own question!" said Chris, pulling out two remotes, one teal and one purple. "But let me make it even clearer!"
ZAP! ZAP!
Chris pressed the red buttons on each remote. An intense electrical jolt shot through each of the campers. They all let out garbled yelps and screams as they spasmed violently. Chris took his thumbs of the buttons and the shocks stopped. Everyone's hair stood on end.
"You've tested these, right?" Jasmine asked.
"Yep! I just did!" said Chris. "And you're still alive! Congrats! Let's start the game! Samey?"
Clucky flew over to the person on the TV screen and landed on her lap.
"Bawk-bawk-bagawk?" Clucky eyed her fiercely. Chris pulled out a flashcard.
"Samey! What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" he asked.
"The worst? Gee, there's a lot to choose from…" Sammy muttered.
"You're on a timer, Samey!" Chris warned.
"Okay! Okay! The worst thing that ever happened to me was… when Amy shaved my head so that others could tell us apart!"
Many eyes went wide at this confession.
"Puck!" Clucky clucked softly.
"Clucky says that was the truth!" said Chris. A purple digital one appeared beneath the Eagles' icon.
"She shaved your head while you were asleep? Topher asked.
"No, I let her do it." said Sammy. "She wasn't an easy person to stand up to."
"Wow, I didn't realize it was so bad!" Topher exclaimed.
"Yeah, Amy's such a brat!" said Jasmine.
"Mooooooooooooo!" Beardo mooed like a cow. Sammy blushed.
"Thank you, guys! I feel better! Really!" she said.
"Up next!" said Chris, as the spinner started spinning again, this time with pictures of the Ferocious Tigers. It stopped on Ella and a halo. "We'll have Ella! Doing another truth!"
Clucky walked over to the fairytale princess and hopped onto her lap.
"Why hello, my feathered friend!" Ella greeted warmly. Clucky's fierce gaze softened at the princess's sunny demeanor.
"Ella! Have you ever shoplifted before?" Chris asked. Ella paused for a moment to think.
"Well… they accused me of it once." she admitted.
"Really?" said Chris, interested.
"But it wasn't my fault! That puppy followed me home from the store!"
Most of the female campers awed, while the males, minus Max, chuckled. Chris seemed to hate the answer judging by the disappointed look on his face.
"Puck!" Clucky clucked softly.
"And Clucky says you're golden! Lame…" said Chris grumpily. A teal digital one appeared under the Tiger icon. "Anywho, Team Maskwak gets a point! Score's one all! Back to the Kinosewak!"
The spinner spun again. It landed on Rodney and, for the third time in a row, a halo. Clucky went over to the big guy.
"Rodney! In your opinion, who is the most attractive girl on the island?" Chris asked. Rodney gasped. All five female campers shifted uncomfortably, averting their gaze away from Rodney.
"Well, this should be nice and awkward." Dave commented.
"Can I get a different question?" Rodney asked, walking up to Chris. "I can't hurt the gals like this! Just look at those faces!" But looking at the faces of any of the girls was a difficult task, seeing as how they were all hiding their faces in one way or another, whether it be turning them or covering them with their hands or their hat.
"You're running out of time, Rodney!" Chris warned impatiently.
"I, uh, I-" Rodney thought desperately. If he chose one, the others would know something was something up. He had to pick someone else. Someone so unattractive, that they would know he wasn't being serious. But who?
"You need a refresher?" Chris asked. He pressed a button on the remote. The TV showed pictures of all seven female contestants, eliminated or otherwise.
"I, uh… Ah-ha! Perfect! It's Sugar!" Rodney declared.
"Bukaw! Buckaw!" Clucky clucked loudly. Chris hit the button on the purple remote.
ZAP!
The Eagles yelped and screamed as they were electrocuted.
"Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!" Chris sang, chuckling.
"(Whomp-whomp-whomp-whoooooomp!)" Beardo teased. The spinner spun again for the Tigers, landing on Dave.
"Up next! We'll have Dave!" Chris announced.
"Sure! I got nothin' to hide!" said Dave, smiling eagerly. The spinner landed on flames.
"Doing our first dare of the day!" Chris announced. Dave gulped nervously. "Dave… to earn a point… you will have to drink an entire jug… of mineral water!" Chris handed a jug of crystal clear water to Dave.
"That's it?" Dave scoffed, relieved. "That's easy!"
"You have thirty seconds! Go!" said Chris. Dave put the jug to his mouth and started chugging.
"Oh, dear! Oh my, oh my!" Ella fretted.
"Fifteen seconds!" Chris warned. Dave still had more than half to go.
"Dave, hurry!" Sky urged.
"I'm trying!" said Dave, but taking his mouth off the jug to say that cost him three seconds. To compensate, he tipped the jug upward and swallowed huge mouthfuls as fast he could.
"Five, four, three, two," Chris counted down.
"Done!" cried Dave.
"Just in the nick of time! Team Maskwak gets another point! Well done, Dave!"
BUUUUUUUUUURRRP!
Dave belched loudly, getting at least ten feet of air.
"Excuse me!" said Dave.
"Now that's what makes for an entertaining show!" Topher complimented. "Am I right, Chris?"
Chris ignored Topher and spun the spinner. It landed on Max and a halo.
"Max! It's truth time!" Chris announced. Clucky strutted over to Max, but the supervillain retracted his legs, unwilling to let Clucky touch him.
"Ugh!" he cried in disgust. "Has this beast had its shots?"
"No." said Chris. "Max! For a point, what do you fear the most?"
"I fear nothing!" Max proclaimed arrogantly.
"Buckaw! Buckaw!" Clucky squawked.
ZAP!
The Soaring Eagles were all electrocuted again. Once the shocks stopped, Topher spoke up.
"Uh, Chris? Not questioning your hosting skills, but Max and Rodney lied! Not the rest of us!" he protested.
"Sorry!" said Chris, smiling. "You're a package deal! If one of you tells a lie, you all pay the price!"
Topher and the female Eagles glared angrily at Max and Rodney, the former of which chuckled nervously.
"Up next! We have Ella! Doing a dare!" Chris announced, walking up to the fairytale princess. "Ella! There are scary dares! There are scarier dares! And then there's this!" Chris held up a flashcard, relishing the increasingly frightened look on Ella's face. "For a point! You must… kiss a person sitting next to you!"
Ella's pupils shrank. She looked to her right. Beardo smiled eagerly, but Ella was taken back by his slovenly appearance. She smiled weakly before turning to her left. Dave glanced at her neutrally. Ella blushed.
Confessional: Ella
"Nothing against Beardo, but Dave seems to take better care of himself. He's better groomed and… he's quite handsome!"
End Confessional
Without giving Dave a chance to protest, Ella grabbed his head and gave him a very passionate kiss.
SMOOCH!
"Whoa!" Dave cried. Shawn, Topher, and Beardo cheered. Rodney gasped, looking heartbroken. Sky looked uncomfortable.
Confessional: Rodney
"Wow, that kiss looked pretty real. I guess Ella got tired of waiting for me to make up my mind. (Sighs) Oh well. This means I can let her go! It's now down to Sammy, Scarlett, and Sky!"
End Confessional
"Nice and sloppy there, Ella!" Chris complimented. "Another point for Team Maskwak! Score is now three to one!"
The Eagles groaned. The spinner spun and landed on Scarlett.
"Up next! We have Scarlett! Doing a truth!"
Scarlett inhaled through her nose heavily. Clucky then hopped onto her lap.
"Scarlett! If you could eliminate a player of your choice right now, who would it be?"
Scarlett inhaled again, steadying herself.
"I'd eliminate Rodney. He doesn't know the first thing about love or romance and he's making all the girls here uncomfortable!" Scarlett stated. Clucky didn't respond right away. She looked Scarlett over scrutinously. Scarlett remained as neutral as she could.
"Puck!" Clucky clucked softly, still looking unsure.
"Clucky says it checks out!" said Chris. "Three to two!"
"Oh…" Rodney moaned sadly while the rest of the team cheered. After Clucky turned her back on Scarlett, the brainiac grinned wickedly.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Well, how about that! I just outmaneuvered a polygraph test! I've studied them before. They measure your breathing, blood pressure, and your pulse to determine the truth. By keeping those elements in check, I was able to deceive the poultry polygraph. Truthfully, if I had the power to eliminate a player of my choice, it would be Shawn."
Confessional: Rodney
"Scarlett doesn't think I love her? NOOOOOOOO! Oh well, that checks her off the list. It's now between Sammy and Sky."
End Confessional
"Up next… is Shawn! Doing a dare!" Chris announced. "Shawn! For the point, you must pick your nose and wipe it on the person sitting next to you!"
Sitting on the end, there was no one on Shawn's left side. To his right was Sky, who flinched nervously. Shawn grinned mischievously. He stood up, put his finger to his nose, closing his left nostril.
"I've always wanted to do this… Snot rocket, fire!" Shawn shouted.
SNORT!
Snot blasted from Shawn's nose as though it were a shotgun. Sky was covered from head to toe in boogers. As were Dave, Ella, and Beardo. The Soaring Eagles gagged in horror and disgust, but theirs paled in comparison to the Tigers.
"Wow, you are way too good at that!" Chris complimented.
Confessional: Shawn
"Months of practice! You never know when it might come in handy!"
End Confessional
"Impressive barrage, Shawn! And though you were technically supposed to pick and wipe- and only get the person next to you rather than your whole team- you did complete the challenge. And that means Maskwak extends their lead, four to two!"
The Eagles groaned. The Tigers would have cheered if not for obvious reasons.
"Can we take a shower?!" Dave yelled.
"Hm… I've got an even better idea!"
ZAP!
Chris electrocuted the Tigers causing the snot to evaporate.
"Jerk!" Dave grumbled.
"At least it fried the snot off!" Ella pointed out.
"Up next! Topher! Doing a dare!" Chris announced. "Topher, for a point, you must show everyone your undies!"
"With pleasure!" Topher stood up. He turned around, grabbed his pants, and pulled them down far enough to expose his teal briefs with little faces on them.
"Dude! Are those…?" Chris asked, shocked.
"Yup! Certified Chris McLean briefs!" Topher announced proudly.
"That's not creepy…" Chris muttered, severely creeped out. Sammy, Ella, and Sky giggled. Topher pulled his pants up.
"Alright! A point for the Kinosewak!" said Chris, starting the spinner. "For Team Maskwak, we have… Beardo!"
Beardo smiled eagerly.
"Doing a truth!"
Beardo gulped nervously. Dave groaned. Clucky hopped over to the human soundboard.
"Beardo, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" Chris asked.
Beardo swallowed. His teammates were frowning at him, having never heard him speak normally, except for a cuss or a cheer here and there. Beardo took a deep breath.
"Well, I… am pretty shy." Beardo spoke, shocking everyone (without electricity). "And until I... warm up to new people, I tend to just... make noises and be… generally bothersome. And if that's what's stopping... me and Dave... from becoming pals, then I'd change that!"
"Aaaaaaaawww!" cried all the female campers. Rodney, Topher, and Shawn also smiled. Dave turned away, stunned.
Confessional: Dave
"Is that why he makes those weird noises? Wow, maybe I misjudged the guy…"
End Confessional
"Puck!" Clucky clucked softly.
"Confirmed by Clucky. Beardo earns a point!" Chris announced.
"Ding! Ding!" Beardo ringed.
"Old habits die hard, I guess." Chris commented. He then turned to the camera. "It's now five to three! The teams have been shocked without telling a lie! Will the Kinosewak come back? Find out after the break! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to the scoreboard, which showed the Ferocious Tigers in the lead with five points, having not failed a single truth or dare. The Soaring Eagles had only three points, thanks to Max and Rodney's dishonesty. Speaking of Rodney…
"Our next competitor… Rodney!" Chris announced. "Doing a truth!"
"Oh, not again!" Max grumbled.
"And the question is… If you could save only one teammate, who would it be?"
"Oh, that's another hard one!" Rodney moaned.
"You can do it, mate! Just choose one of us!" said Jasmine supportively.
"Okay… I uh, I… Uh…"
"Ten seconds left!" said Chris.
"Okay! It'd be Sammy!"
"Oh! Really?" said Sammy, smiling uncomfortably. "Um, thank you, Rodney."
"Puck!" Clucky confirmed.
"Rodney gets a point!" Chris announced.
"Alright!" Rodney cheered.
The Soaring Eagles sighed in relief.
"Next up, we have Sky!" Chris announced. "Doing a dare!"
Sky frowned nervously.
"Sky for the point, you must put braces onto a beaver!"
"What?" Sky asked.
Sky was led over to a nearby beaver dam. She hopped into the water and grabbed the first beaver she found. The beaver put up a fight as Sky tried to wrestle the braces onto it. In the end, she was unsuccessful in getting the braces on under the time limit, and the Tigers were electrocuted.
"Sorry, guys!" she apologized after returning to her team.
"No worries!" said Dave. "I mean, it had to happen eventually!"
"Yeah!" said Beardo. "We're still in the lead!"
"Up next! Jasmine! Doing a dare!" said Chris.
"About time!" said Jasmine.
"Jasmine, to earn a point, you must feed an iguana with your mouth!" Chris declared as Chef brought out a large lizard.
"What do iguanas eat?" Jasmine asked. Chris held up a beetle. "Figures. Right then, bring it on!"
Fearlessly, Jasmine stuck the beetle in her mouth and walked over to the iguana. The reptile eyed her suspiciously for a moment. Then it shot out its tongue, wrapping around the lower half of Jasmine's head like a scarf. Then, somehow, the iguana began kissing her, causing Jasmine to freak out and shake it off.
"Well, that was entertaining!" Chris commented. "Team Kinosewak gets the point! Next up is Beardo! Doing a dare!"
"Yeah!" Beardo cheered.
"Alright, Beardo!" said Chris. Chef walked up to Beardo, holding a plate with a tarantula. "To earn a point, you must take this live tarantula and pet it."
Without even hesitating, Beardo picked up the tarantula and cuddled it like a hamster.
"Who's a coot widdle spider? Who's a coot widdle spider?" Beardo baby-talked the arachnid. He then kissed it three times.
"Dude!" Chris cried, disgusted. "You just had to pet it!"
"I knew that!" Beardo said, stroking the shocked-looking arachnid.
"Okay then! Team Maskwak gets a point! That's six for Maskwak and five for Kinosewak! Up next… Scarlett! Doing a bear dare!"
"A bear dare?" Scarlett repeated.
"That's right! You will have to give a sleeping bear a makeover! If the bear likes it, you get a point! If it hates the new look, you and your team will pay!"
"So victory depends on the bear's sex?" said Scarlett.
"Pretty much!"
The redhead was lead to a sleeping bear. She pulled out her makeup kit and gave the beast some blush, some eyeshadow, and some lipstick before the bear woke up. Scarlett held up a mirror to the bear's face. The bear smiled.
"Team Kinosewak is up to six points! Can the Maskwak keep up their lead! We'll see! Shawn! You're up next! Doing another dare!"
"Alright…"
"Your challenge is… to pet a shark!"
"Shark?! There are sharks here?!" Shawn yelled.
"Yup! Right over there!" Chris said, pointing over his shoulder.
"That's stupid! I refuse!"
ZAP!
"We're at the end of round eight, and the teams are finally tied!" said Chris. "Remember what's at stake here, people! The losing team will send somebody home! And I think I know who'll be sent home if Team Kinosewak loses…" said Chris, casting a glance at Max. "But, hey! Anything can happen! Round nine! Our contestant for Kinosewak… Samey!"
"It's Sammy." Sammy corrected, Chris ignored her.
"Doing a truth!"
"Not again!" Sammy groaned. Clucky hopped back onto her lap again.
"Samey! Do you have a crush on someone here on the island? And if so, who is it?" Sammy recoiled in terror.
Confessional: Sammy
"Are you kidding me?! That's even worse than the first one! Argh! But I can't let the team down now! I've just gained their respect and we're on the verge of passing the Maskwak!"
End Confessional
"Yes… I do…" Sammy admitted.
"Oooooooooh!" cried the rest of the girls.
"And who is it?" Chris asked. Sammy looked utterly terrified. Jasmine gave her an encouraging smile. Rodney looked away sadly. Clucky glared at her.
"It's… it's… it's Shawn!" Sammy cried, closing her eyes and pointing at Shawn.
Many gasps were heard. Shawn's eyes, previously drooped in apathy, popped in surprise.
"What?!" cried Jasmine, shocked.
"Oh ho! How awesome is this, Chris!" Topher declared. "We have a love triangle!"
"How very interesting!" said Chris.
Confessional: Sammy
"Yeah… ever since Shawn saved my life while I was falling from the sky, I've had a thing for him. I hope this doesn't screw up my friendship with Jasmine!"
Confessional: Rodney
"And now, Sammy's moved on! Oh, it all stings so much! But at least they all made a very difficult decision much easier!"
End Confessional
"And for Team Maskwak! We have Sky! Doing a truth!"
Clucky hopped onto Sky's lap.
"Sky! What is your saddest memory?" Chris asked. Sky stiffened up. She looked like she was about to cry. She looked down. "Ten seconds left, Sky!" Sky ignored him.
ZAP!
"And Team Kinosewak takes the lead! Seven to six!" said Chris. "Up next is… Max! Doing another truth!"
"What? I received a truth last time! I demand a dare!"
"No can do! You're doing a truth! And the question is… do you enjoy babysitting?"
"ME?!" Max cried, sounding outraged. "NEVER! I HATE BABIES!"
"Buckaw! Buckaw!" Clucky cried.
ZAP!
"That was the truth you foul fowl!" Max barked as soon as the pain stopped. "Chris, your chicken is broken!"
Offended, Clucky pressed the remote.
ZAP!
"Damned chickens." Max muttered.
"Well, that's interesting…" said Chris.
"And disturbing." said Beardo.
"For Team Maskwak! It'll be… Dave! Doing a truth!"
"Phew!" Dave exclaimed.
"Dave! Apart from yourself, who do you think deserves to win the million dollars?"
"Hm… Objectively, I'd say that Shawn deserves it the most." said Dave.
"Puck!" Clucky clucked softly.
"Team Maskwak gets a point!" Chris announced. "Man, I can't believe this! After all this pain and anguish, you're tied! Makes it seem like it was all for nothing, huh?" The campers didn't respond. They were all slouched over, looking exhausted. "And while I could do this all day… I mean seriously! These things are awesome! …It's time for the game to end." The campers all sighed in relief as Chris passed the remotes to Chef. "Right after the sudden-death tiebreaker round!" The campers gasped. "A player from each team will go head to head in a duel challenge! Winner's team gets immunity! And dinner! Loser's team gets shocked! And loads the cannon!"
The spinner spun for the Soaring Eagles one last time. It landed on Max.
"Excellent!" Max exclaimed.
"Phew!" Rodney sighed, relieved.
"Oh, brother…" Topher groaned.
"Hey! This is for the game!" Jasmine scolded. "Show some support!"
Topher rolled his eyes.
"And for Team Maskwak… Ella!"
"Even more excellent!" Max declared. "This twit won't stand a chance against my evil!"
Ella hesitantly walked up to Chris, with Max casting a sinister yet goofy grin at Ella. The princess didn't know whether to be intimidated or to laugh. Chef came back with two small sacks tied up with strings.
"The game is simple." said Chris. "Inside each of these bags, you will find the other team's shock remote. First to untie the tightly knotted string, get the remote, and shock the opposition, wins the day! Go!"
Chef handed the bags to the appropriate players.
Ella took off her gloves and obtained an early head lead on untying her bag. Her fingers were long, thin, and elegant in contrast to Max's fat and stubby fingers.
Both teams cheered on their selected champion. The Eagles' cheering was more desperate while the Tigers were more supportive and encouraging.
"Fiddlesticks!" Max cried, frustrated. "This challenge is rigged! My fingers are too short for this!"
"I undid mine easily enough!" said Ella, holding the Eagles' shock remote in her hand. "Would you like some help?"
"Ella! Just press the button and your team wins!" Chris cried exasperatedly. Ella held up her remote and prepared to press it.
"Oh… I can't! It's just too mean!" Ella cried putting her free hand over her forehead dramatically. "Honestly! Who would do such a thing?!"
"Max would!" said Dave.
"He'd do it over and over just for kicks!" said Beardo.
"Over and over? Great idea!" said Max. Beardo covered his mouth.
"Come on, Ella! Just one push and you're done!" Sky cried.
"Max is almost done!" Shawn cried.
Ella gasped and found that Max had indeed gotten a grip on the string and was untying it. In fright, Ella held up the remote.
"I'm sorry, other team!" Ella cried, tearing up. "Trust me when I say that this hurts me more than it hurts you!" She pressed the button.
ZAP!
The Eagles were electrocuted one last time.
"Team Maskwak wins!" Chris announced. The Tigers cheered. The Eagles groaned. Max growled and continued to untie his bag.
"REVENGE!" He bellowed. He pulled out the Tigers' remote and pressed it rapidly.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
The Tigers were electrocuted over and over again. The rest of the Eagles gasped in horror.
"Max! Stop!" Chris cried. Max ignored him and continued to press the button.
"You shall wish you never screwed with the likes of-!"
ZAP!
In spite of being electrocuted, Ella had somehow managed to summon enough control to press the Eagles' shock remote again. Max spasmed, dropped the remote, and fell on his face. The Tigers sitting on the bench glared hatefully at him.
"What an interesting day!" said Chris. He walked over to the victorious team. "Team Maskwak! As winners of Brute or Scare, you gain immunity!"
The Tigers smiled, except for Ella, who guiltily hung her head. Beardo and Dave both patted her on the back.
"You also get this week's fast food delivery, courtesy of Humpty Dumpty's Meat Shack!" Chris held up a menu with a picture of Humpty Dumpty sitting in a horseshoe. "That's Humpty Dumpty's Meat Shack! Where all the king's horses feed all the king's men!"
Shawn, Sky, Dave, and Ella all turned green. Their cheeks puffed out in disgust. Beardo was the only one brave enough to look at the menu. Sure enough, the majority of the items were made from horse meat. Beardo let out a startled horse whinny and threw the menu away in horror. Chris picked it up and held it behind his back.
"…Or if you want, I can have Chef fix you some chicken!" Chris offered. He turned to the Eagles. "Team Kinosewak! Time to vote one of you off the island!"
The Eagles sighed sadly. Both teams got up and left to return to their shelters. Ella followed the Eagles.
"I am so sorry, my friends!" she apologized fretfully as they walked. "Please, I wouldn't have done it, but my team was counting on me to win and…"
"Take it easy, sheila!" said Jasmine. "We understand!"
"Yeah, no hard feelings!" said Sammy.
"After all, I think it's Max here that owes you and your team an apology!" said Jasmine.
"Evil does not apologize!" Max snorted. "Evil is entitled to vengeance! Begone, little girl! You are not welcome here!"
Ella sighed dejectedly and left.
Meanwhile, with the Tigers…
"So, crazy day, huh?" Dave asked Sky. "I mean, kisses, crushes, underwear, boogers…"
"Yeah, crazy!" Sky agreed.
"Who do you guys think the Kinosewak are gonna vote off?" Beardo asked.
"Probably Max." said Shawn. "The dude flunked three challenges, including the tiebreaker."
"I kinda hope they vote off Rodney." said Sky.
"But Rodney's nice." said Beardo. "Max is a jerk!"
"Agreed!" said Dave. Beardo smiled.
Meanwhile, at the Eagles' treehouse…
"So, Sammy," said Jasmine after the rest of the team had climbed into the treehouse.
"Yes…?" The cheerleader asked nervously.
"You also fancy Shawn?"
"Please don't hate me!" said Sammy getting down on her knees and grabbing Jasmine's legs.
"Whoa! Whoa! Easy there, sheila! It's alright!" Jasmine reassured her.
"It is?" Sammy asked hopefully. Jasmine giggled.
"Sure, why wouldn't it be? We're friends, aren't we?" Jasmine smiled playfully. "I'm just curious…"
"Well, he did save my life while I was falling from the sky. He also helped me out of the thorns when I slipped in there. He's also cute and smart and quirky… But I don't wanna get in the way of you two! Or our friendship!"
"Don't worry!" Jasmine said softly. Sammy smiled graciously.
Meanwhile, at the Tigers' cave…
Sky had left to go find Ella, leaving the three boys all by themselves.
"So, looks like you have two girls who're into you!" Dave said to Shawn.
"You're a stud, Shawn!" Beardo complimented, slapping him on the back. He then imitated the sound of a cougar growling. "ROWR!"
"Yeah… Just what I need…" Shawn grumbled.
"You guys don't think Sky has a thing for me, do ya?" said Dave. "Because I'm getting mixed signals from her."
"I couldn't tell ya, bro." said Shawn.
Beardo shrugged.
Elimination Ceremony: Pimâpotew Kinosewak
The Eagles arrived to see the Tigers eating fried chicken in the peanut gallery. Nobody dared to ask where it came from.
"The following Team Kinosewak members are safe!" Chris announced.
"Jasmine!"
"Topher!"
"Scarlett!"
"And Samey!"
Chris tossed marshmallows to Topher and the girls.
"Rodney! You could be going home because you're making every single girl on the island uncomfortable!" Chris lectured. "Max, you could be going home because you failed three challenges today! You're also a complete psychopath!"
"Why, thank you, Chris!" said Max, flattered.
"Uh, yeah… you're welcome!" said Chris. "Okay, the incompetent boob going home tonight is…"
The male Tigers watched intently. The female Tigers watched nervously and crossed their fingers. Rodney looked nervous. Max smiled and closed his eyes, confident.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
"Rodney! Eat up, everyone!" said Chris, tossing the final marshmallow to Max, who was the only male contestant not to groan in disappointment. On the other hand, all five female contestants sighed in relief.
Soon enough, Rodney's head was sticking out of the Cannon of Shame and sporting an Evel Knievel helmet.
"I'm not surprised that I'm the one leaving. After playing with people's hearts the way I did… I probably came off as a womanizer…"
"Or a total nincompoop!" Chris suggested.
"But since I'm leaving, I may as well come clean! Jasmine, Scarlett, Sammy, Ella, Sky, please understand! I've lived without a mother for six years. I've never had the chance to learn how to handle my love life. I hope you can all find in your heart to-"
"Hold that thought!" said Chris.
KABOOM!
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!" Rodney cried as he soared out of sight. Chris then closed off the episode.
"Ten players left! Find out which nine get to hang! And which one goes bang! Next time! On Total… Drama... Pahkitew Island!"
Epilogue
Scarlett, Jasmine, and Sammy all sighed in relief.
"Good riddance!" Scarlett grumbled. "What an imbecile!"
"Hey, don't be too hard on him!" said Sammy, reasonably. "After all, he had good intentions! He's just a bit… confused!"
"Yeah, he did…" said Jasmine. "Still, I'm glad he's gone."
Votes
Jasmine: Rodney
Max: Rodney
Rodney: Max
Sammy: Rodney
Scarlett: Rodney
Topher: Max
Results
Rodney: 4 votes (Eliminated)
Max: 2 votes
Rankings
11. Rodney
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: And Rodney takes fourth boot as he did in canon, though I did want it to be less obvious than in canon. In my other fic, people said he was a bit OOC by not falling in love with every girl he met. So I decided to go the opposite direction this time. As one of you pointed out, Rodney did have the potential to be useful and compelling if he wasn't constantly distracted by girls, but he still wasn't interesting and I wasn't about to turn this into a boys-versus-girls fic just to explore Rodney's potential.
A lot of people have criticized TDPI for having a weak cast, but I personally didn't mind that. After all, bad characters are sort of necessary so that the first couple of eliminations are satisfying. And as long as there's two or three good characters to keep me entertained to the end, then I'm perfectly fine with it. After all, in TDI, there were only four characters that I was really invested in, whose eliminations made me sad, and whose victory gave me joy. The rest I didn't care that much about. This season and cast felt no different to me.