Thanks for reading. bambers2:)
Chapter Fifteen
Present time….
Although Riordan put on a brave face in front of his brother and the others, he feared he would make the same mistake yet again, and this time he would lose his lifemate forever. She didn't have enough faith in him to leave any memory of his intact which only served to prove how far he had fallen before she took matters into his own hands.
But how am I supposed to decide which woman is my lifemate without any knowledge of either of them? He didn't need to be a genius to figure out how badly he must've hurt his lifemate, and only needed to look in Conleth's eyes to see he would gladly keep her to himself. And what would I be able to do about it if he did?
Anger seized hold of him, and he cursed himself for being such a fool. Had he met the dawn all those years ago, he never would've hurt his lifemate. Now as he set out alone to find her, he wondered if she would forgive him if by some miracle he did choose her this time. And what of the mage? Undoubtedly she believed he would choose wrong or she never would have agreed to whatever terms his lifemate set forth.
"I bound myself to a mage," he uttered in disbelief, and pressed his eyelids shut, desperately trying to recall under what circumstances he would not have realized her for what she was. Obviously she tricked him somehow, but that didn't give him any more to go on than he already knew.
The moment Rafe's children told him he chose wrong, Jenna quickly came to mind, and he believed her to be the mage who stole his lifemate from him. Yet how could he trust his own instincts? If he believed her to be the mage, perhaps she wasn't. Or perhaps she was and she was tricking him into choosing her again as she knew how his mind worked.
The other woman he could not recall at all, leading him to believe she was his true lifemate. So hurt by him, he figured she would erase even the most minute memory of her in his mind. She had to be the right one.
Or she's the wrong one and I will damn not only myself but my true lifemate as well.
He returned to where Julian had found him, hoping for some clue as to where he should go next. He searched the ground, trying to find anything that might spark a memory of the night Conleth had brought him to Julian. He was about to give up and move along when he spied moonlight glinting off something in the thick brush. Riordyn snatched up a broken heart-shaped sapphire necklace, and held it up to his eyes.
"I've always imagined your eyes as blue, and I thought this would match them perfectly."
"They are blue." Jenna lifted her hair, and allowed him to place the necklace around her throat. She lifted the pendant, and as she studied it, he saw her smile in the mirror. "It's beautiful."
The memory of Jenna flooded back to him, and it made him even more certain she wasn't his lifemate which left him even baffled as to how he chose her when he clearly couldn't see color when he spoke of her eyes. How did she bewitch me so completely?
He studied the necklace a moment longer, then stuffed it into his pocket and continued onward. Conleth wouldn't even tell him where to find the two women, leaving him to stumble along in the forest with no clear direction. He felt as if his time was running out, and he had a long way to go. From Julian's surprised expression that he was alive, he knew for certain he couldn't have made his home anywhere nearby, and without his powers, his ability to take flight or shift into a wolf; it could take days or weeks to find them both.
Overhead a golden hawk circled, his brother so obvious in his attempt to keep him safe. Did he really think the mage wouldn't spot him? He could ruin everything for Riordyn if he didn't leave him to do this on his own.
"Rafe, you are doing me no favors by tracking me as if I were some small child in need of rescue," he shouted up to the bird.
The hawk dove transforming into Rafe as his feet touched the ground. With a wave of his hand two great golden owls took to flight from their cover amidst the trees, heading back toward Rafe's home. Then he heard the snap of twigs as at least one wolf loped off in the same direction as his cousins.
"Do you really think me so weak and in need of protection?" Riordyn snapped, humiliation spreading through him. He set out walking again without waiting for a response, and his brother followed.
"We were just trying to help."
"I am in no need of anyone's help."
"We have been tracking you since you left my home, and only just now you spotted me," Rafe countered, grabbing hold of Riordyn's arm to stop him.
"Forgive me if I've been preoccupied thinking of a way to not to get my lifemate murdered by my own hand."
"Allow me to help you, brother, as you once helped me."
"No," he stated simply, and shirking free of his brother's grasp, he picked up his pace then started to run in a vain attempt to rid himself of his brother's interference. In a blur of speed, Rafe caught up with him again. "What part of I must do this on my own, did you not understand? Please tell me in order for me to make it abundantly clear to you."
"It is my thought that you would not have told either woman about me," Rafe went on to say as if Riordyn hadn't said a word, and it grated on Riordyn's already taut nerves as his brother pushed aside a low lying branch to clear it from his path. "If that is so which I believe it to be, I could face them for you. If I answer wrong then you'll know the right woman without having to make a guess."
"And shame myself more in the eyes of my lifemate?" Riordyn paused and looked at his brother, trying to recall the reason why he would feel so indebted to him. From what he'd been told, he protected and watched over Genevieve as she grew up, and that held true to the memories returned to him when he drank her blood. Yet for every memory they had shared, none of them brought any recollection of the bond he once had with Rafe. "I need to do this on my own, Rafe."
"Then let me stay with you until that time comes."
"You will not give up, will you?"
"No, not until you are with your true lifemate."
"I do not see where I have much of a choice in the matter as if I say no you'll still follow me anyway."
"That is true." Rafe grinned in amusement. "So it would be for the best if you allowed me to walk with you."
Together they walked the forest in almost near silence. Even without his shared mental pathway, Riordyn knew what his brother was thinking. He didn't believe Riordyn would choose the right girl, and as he already failed so miserably once, he couldn't blame his brother for feeling the way he did. He put his hand in his pocket, and touched the sapphire necklace, wondering again why he had given it to Jenna. Somehow it had gotten broken, and he searched his mind for the reason. Nothing came to him.
"Tell me about Jenna," Rafe said, breaking in on his thoughts, and Riordyn could see by the look in his dark eyes how it frustrated him not to speak to him in the way of the Carpathians. "You must recall something about her."
"She was beautiful – exceedingly so." He sighed, and brusquely raked a hand through his hair. "But I did not see color when I met her."
"Then she must be the mage," Rafe surmised, his words echoing Riordyn's own thoughts. "Are you certain you did not see colors when you first met her?"
"I have one clear memory of her where I told her I always imaged her eyes to be blue." He yanked the necklace out of his pocket and showed it to his brother. "I gave her this necklace as I figured a sapphire would match her eyes."
"And how did you know the sapphire was blue?" Now he grasped at straws as even without knowing the true beauty of a colorful world, it would be easy enough to learn the color of something if asked in the proper way as to not draw suspicion.
"I'm certain I must have asked the jeweler if it was the perfect shade of blue," he veered off the path, and took a seat on a fallen log. It bothered him how his brother had seemingly endless energy while the long walk took its toll on him. He longed to fly through the air or turn to mist as he'd seen the others do, and cursed the human body he now inhabited with all its frailties. "I believe her to be the mage, but what if I'm wrong again?"
"If you did not see color when you met her then she is the mage," Rafe determined confidently which did little in the way bringing Riordyn comfort. "The only thing I question is how she fooled our people into believing her sweet and innocent. A mage is cunning and deceitful, yet it would take quite a convincing act to deceive the most ancient amongst us." Rafe paced in front of him. Riordyn was certain his brother wished to transform to take flight or roam the forest as a wolf. He only stayed in human form for Riordyn's benefit. "Mikhail did admit to there being darkness in her, and Julian agreed he felt the same thing. Jenna can be no other than the mage."
"I am glad everyone seems to be in agreement on how badly I have ruined any chance for happiness I had." It rubbed him raw how they all talked about his utter failure through their shared mental pathways, each weighing in on how best to deal with the mess he'd made of his life. "Did anyone happen to figure out how she could have deceived me so completely?"
"That we do not know as of yet."
"Then you are useless to me." He pushed himself to his feet, and set off again with his brother at his side. He tripped several times over unseen roots, and thankfully Rafe failed to comment, and only tried to catch him once before he fell flat on his face. "I hate this human body," he grumbled under his breath, certain Rafe heard him.
"Then you need to figure out a way to prove Jenna is the mage. Then you could have all that is yours back."
"What if I am wrong?" Something itched at the back of his brain. Not quite a memory, more of a feeling. "What if the mage is the other woman?"
"Without knowing anything about her, I can make no determination."
"What if color doesn't matter, Rafe?" he asked, knowing his brother and all their people believed that when color returned to a male Carpathian's life, they'd found their lifemate and wouldn't turn vampire.
"You already know the answer to that question. For us there is no other way. If we never find the woman who brings color into our lives then we are either condemned to greet the dawn or turn vampire."
You're basing your whole love life on the person who brings color into your life? What if she's old – I mean really, really old like ninety? Riordyn chuckled as a softly spoken voice whispered through his head. He'd never considered the possibility that his lifemate might be a feeble old woman, and if so he wondered if he truly would find happiness with her. "What if your lifemate was really old, Rafe? Not young and beautiful like Genevieve? Would you be happy with a ninety year old woman?"
"If she was my lifemate then yes, I would," Rafe responded a little too quickly, and kept his head averted.
Riordyn lifted a brow. "If she wasn't your lifemate, you'd truly trade Genevieve for a wrinkled old woman simply because she brought color to your life?"
"That would never happen," Rafe assured him.
"But it could've happened if you had failed to find her for forty or fifty more years. It's only by sheer luck alone that you found her while she was still pleasurable to look upon." Riordyn thought on it some more and then added, "Or what if she was far too young? Say your lifemate was only fourteen or fifteen years old. A mere child. What then, Rafe?"
"This is a pointless conversation." Rafe picked up his pace, leaving Riordyn to run to catch up with him.
"Just because you don't like the implications of what I am saying, does not make the conversation pointless."
"If she were too young then I would wait for her to be of an appropriate age before I spoke the words to bind us together," he conceded with a heavy sigh. "And if that were true, I would make one blood exchange with her in order to protect her."
"And if she was far too old?"
"Then I would cherish her – but I do not know if I would be completely happy." He paused in his steps, and turned to face Riordyn. "Why do you ask these questions?"
"I do not know," he replied, feeling as if the soft voice in his head was trying to tell him something about his lifemate. "I just – I get the feeling my lifemate was far too young when I found her."
"Are you saying your true lifemate could be Jenna?"
"I cannot be certain." He shook his head, wishing his lifemate had taken some small measure of pity on him, and had given him something more to go on. "The one memory I have of Jenna, she is young. No more the sixteen or seventeen at the most. But without any memories of the other woman, I cannot say for certain if she is young as well."
"I should have forced Conleth to tell us who she is," Rafe uttered, cursing the younger Carpathian for swearing an oath to protect his lifemate's identity. "His loyalty should be to our people, and yet he makes oaths that would see you dead."
"Thank you for your unwavering faith in me," Riordyn muttered, walking away from Rafe before he said something he might regret later.
Rafe quickly caught up to him then hurried on ahead, and Riordyn heard a bear growl close by. If he had happened upon it on his own, he wouldn't have been able to protect himself against its massive weight, sharp claws, and teeth. Although his brother probably already knew, he never would admit that he hadn't even sensed the danger the bear posed. Once he had chased the bear away, Rafe returned to his side.
"You once spoke of our lifemates living lifetime after lifetime searching us out," Rafe said, picking up their conversation as if he hadn't just fought off a bear. "You said, your lifemate always cried out to you in every lifetime – that she was mentally unstable. You wanted to greet the dawn to save her from the curse of waiting endlessly for you."
"And yet I did not do the honorable thing and look where it got me."
"You wanted to find her as we all want to find our lifemates. It is the one hope we have of not turning vampire."
Riordyn fell silent as he contemplated why he turned from his path of greeting the dawn. From what everyone told him, they believed him dead for the past five years, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't find a reason why he wouldn't have done as he said. If he had, he never would have betrayed his lifemate or broke her heart.
"If I could stay away from you, I would," he answered honestly, and in a blur of motion, he dove in the water and caught hold of her. Wrapping his arms around Jenna's waist, he drew her to his body. 'Better had I turned vampire than to betray my lifemate, yet I cannot help myself. I crave you with every breath I take, sίvamet."
"Then claim me as your own, Riordyn," Jenna breathed, brushing her lips against the pulse in his throat.
The memory struck him like a bolt of lightning, leaving him shaking and grasping for the nearest tree to steady himself. Desire coiled in his stomach, his manhood hardening at the vividness of his memory of her. The feel of her skin against his, her firm breasts pressed against his chest.
Oh, God, what did I do? To his own damnation he still craved her body even now. How could he admit to his brother he would betray his lifemate again if given the chance to choose between the two women?
So lost in his thoughts of her, he failed to hear Rafe until his brother shook him. "Your heart is racing, Riordyn." He held Riordyn's gaze, a deep scowl furrowing his brow. "You remembered something and it has you shaken."
"I remember how I betrayed my lifemate." His gaze fell away from his brother, and he stared at his hands as if they held the answers he sought. "And I would do it again – and every time after that if it meant I could be with Jenna." He looked up briefly at his brother again before narrowing his eyes to search through the trees as if she might be hidden just out of sight. "I love her with every breath I take, Rafe. To my own damnation, I can do no other than choose her."
"You will choose your lifemate, I will see to that," Rafe vowed as if he could somehow force the words from Riordyn's mouth. "She is innocent, Riordyn. Would you condemn her to die for your own selfish desires?"
"If I am forced to choose then I can see no other way for this to end," he admitted honestly as he once again began to walk toward his own certain demise.
Rafe remained silent for the longest time, and Riordyn was certain he was communicating with Julian and Aidan. Before long two great owls swooped down out of the sky, landed and transformed, blocking Riordyn's path.
"I'm afraid we cannot allow you to make the same mistake twice," Julian said, crossing his arms over his expansive chest. "If you care nothing for yourself, I implore you to think of your lifemate. She is your light, Riordyn."
"Then I would rather live in the darkness with Jenna."
"You have lost all honor," Aidan said, moving to block Riordyn as he tried to sidestep them. "This girl is a very powerful mage to trick not only you, but all of our people as well. She cannot be allowed to live."
"Would you keep me prisoner until my lifemate is dead?" Riordyn countered smoothly, and heard a low growl rumble in his brother's throat. "For that is what will happen if I do not go to them soon."
The three of them were quiet again, talking about him through their shared mental pathway. The moments stretched outward, each man glaring at him in turn.
"Mikhail has commanded Rafe to go in your place," Julian said. "He will choose your lifemate to save her life then you will return to the Carpathian Mountains without your honor."
"You will be judged by our people for all you have done," Rafe continued where Julian left off, the regret in his dark eyes evident. "I am truly sorry, Riordyn. You have left me with no other choice."
Riordyn eyed him for several long moments, and something of his past clicked into place. "This isn't the first time you've betrayed me. Is it, Rafe?" Rafe drew in a sharp breath, leading Riordyn to believe he was right. "There was another time, and I forgave you then. I will not be so forgiving this time."
"That has no bearing on this situation," Aidan replied for Rafe, "No other Carpathian has ever chosen another over his lifemate."
"I do not believe I care what any other Carpathians' have done," Riordyn responded as he tried to figure out a way to escape without his abilities. "I do not believe I care much for your Prince either. What right does he have to judge me?"
"Do not force us to call on Gregori," Julian warned as if the three of them weren't enough to keep him from Jenna. "If we do, he'll take you straight to Mikhail instead of allowing you to wait for your lifemate."
"She is not my lifemate," Riordyn stated as calmly as could manage, his hands clenching into fists. "As I have told my brother, I have made my choice. I choose Jenna."
"Then it is a good thing you won't be the one doing the choosing," Aidan said with a grin that set Riordyn on edge.
Before he could argue further, Julian and Aidan caught hold of his arms, and launched skyward, traveling back toward Julian's home, leaving Rafe to find Jenna and his true lifemate.