Total Drama Pahkitew Island Reordered
Chapter 10: Scarlett Fever
CMC: Thank you!
kirbystarwarrior: Ah yes, the Skave situation was something special, now wasn't it? I figured if I just raised their maturity levels a little bit, it could have gone much better.
Omega Leonidas: Indeed.
Vladitor: You're "bind?" What does that mean?
LaCuevademisgustos: Yeah, I know. It's a sad ending for them and I should have known that people would be disappointed.
Razenoid: Yup.
MatiasND: You'll see.
lordgemini: Thank you, very much!
Rockin' D-99: Yes, the Skave drama needed some definite fine-tuning and I'm glad that I seem to have succeeded in that. I remember reading someone's "TDPI my way" meme, in which Ella was there to comfort Dave after Sky snapped at him, thus rendering him emotionally stable for the rest of the episode and causing Sky to be eliminated instead. As for her slapping Dave and feeling remorseful upon realizing he was innocent, I read a fic where Gwen did the same thing to Cody, and that's where I got that.
AnonBrowser: Sky technically broke up with Dave after slapping him and saying "You are not my boyfriend! Not anymore!" Sorry if that wasn't clear. I am still glad that Sky is more likable here than in canon. And I'm glad you got a kick out of Amy's reappearance here. Yes, she indeed tried to swim back to Pahkitew Island, but since her clothes were already ruined by the first trip, I figured they wouldn't survive a second. And yes, it would have made more sense to have Sky vote for Scarlett, but I wanted the bottom two to be more dramatic by having the canon finalists in the bottom. If Scarlett was in the bottom, then it would be even more obvious that Sky was toast. Shawn and Jasmine do technically have the most well-established arc in the story, and you know the old saying: if it ain't broke, don't fix it! As for Sugar... What can I say? If you screw over my favorite characters, you screw over my opinion of you. Though to be fair, bursting into songs randomly kinda makes me uncomfortable. I only let Ella get away with it because she's so darling in every other way. Speaking of the princess, while it may seem unusual for her to get so mad at someone, I wouldn't say it completely out of character. In the canon I Love You Grease Pig, Ella did show some anger when Chris startled the pig, and I figured she could go even further if she was stressed, tired, corrupted by Juggy Chunks, and Chris was being as horrible as he was to someone she loved.
Crosshot: Yes, I figured it would be a nice break from all the horribleness to have the contestants have a decent meal for once. If it was all bad all the time, people would get desensitized to all the horribleness. We'll see if Dave ends up with Ella or Sky or neither, but just know, things ain't done yet.
WeirdAlfan101: Indeed, it rather bittersweet for Sky to leave once she makes up with Dave, just like the end of Search and Do Not Destroy. And of course, Amy's humiliation is something you quite enjoy, and I'm glad!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Yes, thank you!
ZNBT: Well, you are very welcome! You are very right that the season had good ideas with flawed execution. Shawn and Jasmine were the only ones who got a happy ending, especially in Shawn's ending.
MDReborn: It is indeed sad that one or both of the finalists from my last fic will have to go, especially given my sympathy for them.
Polaron: Um, okay, thanks.
Lone Wolf: Yup.
Christina Correa: Teary-eyed? Why thank you! That's one hell of a compliment! As for my usage of the word "harem," I thought it would be funny, given that Dave was both the leader and sole male of his group. XD! I gotta admit, Scarlett going with Ella and holding her hostage is a good idea!
Joel Connell: Thank you for your praise. And don't worry. I will finish this. Yes, Dave was too sick and tired to remember why he was mad at Scarlett, and once he woke up, Chris immediately called them to the elimination ceremony, not leaving them much time to talk. As for Amy, she was naked because she tried to return to Pahkitew Island as soon as she landed, without changing clothes. And since her clothes were ruined (until the animators screwed up), I figured they wouldn't survive a second trip. Being in the water, she didn't realize they were gone until it was too late. And yes, if I can find a good way to integrate it, I might have the eliminated contestants return to watch the finale.
Jameel3: Well, I'm sorry.
Darkwing: Why thank you!
Shuffollower: Not a bad theory! I wish I'd thought of it! But no, Amy just lost her already-ruined clothes swimming back to the island!
"Last episode of Total Drama went down nice and easy!" Chris narrated. "One Juggy Chunk at a time! Then it was time for a tummy-turning game of Hurl and Go Seek! The campers turned into zombies, causing Shawn to beat them up! He almost went home for this, but Sky, having been fed some misinformation from Scarlett, cruelly slapped Dave and was sent home instead! And that's about it!"
The island was seen shifting violently. The entire landscape was being altered. Hills and mountains appeared and disappeared. Trees and boulders sprouted in and out of the ground. Snow was falling, a minor hurricane had struck the island, and lightning was striking. It was absolute chaos.
"Absolutely nothing strange happened!" said Chris. "Nope! Nothing! Just like nothing's happening right now! Nothing to see here! Just a regular night! Get ready for Total…" Chris tried to move the camera away from the chaos, but a strong gust of wind blew him into a tree.
"Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
The image shifted to a picture of Chef cooking a camera in a frying pan, indicating technical difficulties.
After the theme song, we cut to the six remaining campers, most of which were frightened out of their minds.
"It's an earthquake!" Jasmine cried.
"No, it's a typhoon!" Sammy cried.
"No! It's a volcano!" Shawn cried, as a volcano sprouted from the ground a couple of miles away and erupted. Chris had pulled out an iPad and was tapping away at it furiously.
"Chris!" Dave yelled. "Answers! NOW!"
"No idea… what you're… talking about!" said Chris distractedly. "Just, uh… need a minute here…"
"You've got ten seconds to tell us what's happening before I rip you a new arsehole!" Jasmine threatened.
"Whatever do you mean?" said Chris innocently. Suddenly, the trees around Chris and the campers disappeared into the ground. "You… you don't have vanishing trees in Australia?"
"No…!" said Jasmine, frustrated. Suddenly a dozen Christmas trees popped out of the ground.
"Um, Christmas in July, anyone?" Chris asked lamely. Nobody bought it. Dave, Sammy, Shawn, and Jasmine glowered at Chris impatiently. Even Ella wasn't falling for it. Scarlett looked neutral. Chris realized he had been cornered. He gave a heavy sigh.
"Fine! Pahkitew Island is a man-made, mechanical, mostly artificial island!" Chris confessed.
"WHAT?!" Shawn, Dave, Ella, and Sammy gasped in shock.
"I knew it!" Scarlett declared.
"Well, that actually explains a lot…" Shawn muttered.
"No kidding!" Jasmine concurred.
"Yeah! We can control every bit of flora that pops out of the ground, from blades of grass to giant redwood trees!"
"What about the fauna?" Ella asked, looking as though everything she had known was being called into question.
"The animals are all robots!" Chris explained. Ella looked horrified. "We wanted to have real animals, but the animal rights people were all blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!"
"Everything I know is a lie!" Ella wailed dramatically.
"What about the landscape and the weather?" Dave asked.
"Yes, everything is artificial! We can control everything! How do you think you find such lush bounties of fruit every morning?! Why do you think it's always sunny?! How do you think hills and mountains spring up out of nowhere?!"
"So why is everything going to Hell?!"
"We're just having some technical difficulties!" Chris growled through clenched teeth. "It's nothing to worry about!"
Suddenly a television screen popped out of the ground. On the screen was a picture of a red skull-and-crossbones. Two sirens on top began blaring.
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED!" said a computer voice. "ISLAND WILL EXPLODE IN SIXTY MINUTES!"
The skull and crossbones were replaced with a digital timer. It started counting down. The campers burst into panicked exclamations.
HONK!
Chris blew an air horn to silence them.
"Zip it!" he barked. He then went back to his iPad. "Let's see… For… your next challenge… one of you has to… shut down the self-destruct sequence! Which is located in this underground control room!" Chris held up the iPad to display a room with several large monitors and consoles. A comfortable computer chair sat in the center. "There are three ways to get there, so you'll split into pairs! The team that stops the countdown wins immunity! And gets to choose the next contestant to be eliminated!"
As the iPad displayed the three entrances to the underground control room, Scarlett eyed the device like a hungry wolf. Once Chris was done talking, she hopped forward and grabbed it from out of Chris's hands.
"Can I see that?!" she asked, despite already having it in her hands.
"Sure…" said Chris. He was reluctant to give it up but figured Scarlett might be able to make good use of it.
Confessional: Scarlett
"The fool! He's just given me the key to the island! It's all mine! Mine! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!" (Stops cold and puts her hands over her mouth, then sighs in dismay and embarrassment) "Oh great. I'm turning into Max. He must have left a bigger impact on me than I predicted. Perhaps he's radioactive… Well, good thing I got rid of him when I did!"
End Confessional
"So if there's no questions-" Chris began.
"Of course we have questions!" Dave snapped. "Why does an island have a self-destruct setting?!"
"What do we do when we find the control room?!" asked Shawn.
"Where do babies come from?" asked Ella. She earned a few incredulous looks at this.
"This is just a challenge, right?" said Jasmine nervously. "Our lives aren't really in danger… right?"
"Um… yeah! Of course, it is!" said Chris with terrible acting. Everyone looked highly skeptical, except for Ella.
"Phew! That's a relief!" the princess sighed.
"He's lying!" said Dave. Ella gasped.
"You silly kids!" said Chris condescendingly. "Your lives have always been in danger. Just never so seriously! But don't worry! I'll be right here to help you!"
WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
"From a safe distance!" Chris clarified as Chef flew a helicopter down to his location and allowed the host the climb aboard.
"Wait! If there's a helicopter, why don't we all just escape?!" Shawn exclaimed indignantly.
"Yeah!" Dave concurred. But it was too late, the helicopter was already rising and showed no signs of returning.
"Ready… set… go!" Chris cried.
HONK!
Confessional: Dave
"This cannot be legal! Argh! I'm freaking out! I'm totally freaking out! I wish Sky was still here! She was always good at calming me down whenever I freaked out… Argh! But then Scarlett turned her against me! I wish it was me who had been eliminated! But then Sky would have been… Argh! Focus! Oh, I am really losing it, here!"
End Confessional
"What do we do?!" Dave screamed. "We're gonna die! We're gonna blow up! We're gonna get incinerated! We're gonna become naked skeletons!"
"Dave!" Ella cried, grabbing his shoulders. "Calm down, my prince! It'll be okay! Relax! Please!" Ella implored, her face full of compassion.
"Okay…" said Dave, steadying his breathing. Eventually, he settled down. And then he smiled.
Confessional: Dave
"Whoa, déjà vu."
End Confessional
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN FIFTY-FIVE MINUTES!"
"Alright, let's pick teams!" Sammy declared. "Jasmine, you wanna come with me?"
"Uh… I think I'll go with Shawn!" Jasmine responded.
"What?!" Sammy cried.
"Sweet!" Shawn exclaimed. The two survivalists scurried off toward one of the entrances.
"Okay then…" said Sammy, looking slightly hurt. "Um, Ella, you wanna team up?"
"That would be lovely!" Ella exclaimed.
"NO!" Dave cried in a panic. "No, Ella! You can't leave me!" He seized Ella's arms and bored desperately into her eyes. Ella sighed.
"I… I'm sorry, Samantha, but David needs my support! He's been through a lot lately…" Ella explained.
"But…" Sammy attempted to reason with Ella, but couldn't bring herself to pry her away from Dave, whom she was undoubtedly closer to and who was obviously having the roughest time out of all of them. "Fine…"
Dave and Ella ran off to another entrance.
"I guess that leaves just you and me!" said Scarlett, matter-of-factly. Sammy sighed.
Shawn and Jasmine raced towards their chosen entrance. Boulders popped up in front of them, but the two were more than prepared. They jumped up the rocks which seemed to get higher and higher, like a staircase. Suddenly, they stopped, causing the two to fall back to the ground, though landing expertly on their feet. The two of them skated across an icy pond.
"Too close! That entrance should be- Watch out!" Jasmine exclaimed. Most curiously, flames began bursting like geysers from the pond. Shawn and Jasmine grabbed a vine and swung forward. "–over here! What?!"
As Jasmine and Shawn approached the underground entrance's destination, they paused, as they had just come across a much larger pond.
"Oh, come on!" Jasmine griped.
"I guess we gotta swim for it!" said Shawn, casting an encouraging smile at Jasmine.
"I guess we gotta!" Jasmine agreed, smiling back.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Shawn's great! We have everything in common! Except for the zombie thing. That could be a deal-breaker. But once he gets over it, he'll be perfect!"
Confessional: Shawn
"Yeah, Jasmine rules! Once she develops a healthy case of kinemortophobia, she'll be perfect!"
End Confessional
"On three!" Shawn declared. "One… two… shark!" Shawn gasped as he spotted a dorsal fin slice through the water like a knife.
"It'll be okay!" said Jasmine. "Sharks are more afraid of you than you are of them! If it gets close, just punch it in the nose and it'll scram!"
"Really?" Shawn asked skeptically.
"Sure! I saw it in a cartoon once!" said Jasmine confidently.
"Okay, good!" said Shawn, significantly relieved.
"Let's go!"
The two dove bravely in the water. They looked around and eventually spotted an iron hatch similar to a submarine entrance. They swam to it and began to unscrew it. However, they weren't fast enough to open it before the shark took interest in them. It shot towards the pair like a torpedo its mouth ready to chomp down some human flesh. Shawn flinched, but Jasmine did as she preached and shot her arm out, causing it to collide with the shark's nose. The shark was veered off course. She shot Shawn a sly look and Shawn cast her a look of impression. That is until the shark circled around and corrected its course. The shark charged the duo with a vengeance. Shawn was silently grateful that wetting his pants while underwater usually went unnoticed. Jasmine desperately tried to unscrew the hatch while the shark rounded on them again. Just as it was about to bite Jasmine's head off, its nose wrinkled. It gagged cartoonishly and retreated. Jasmine's eyes widened in surprise while Shawn grinned sheepishly. At last, with a great lunge, the hatch was open and the entire pond was drained underground. Shawn and Jasmine hit the ground painfully. Once the water stopped rushing, they opened their eyes to find themselves in some sort of tunnel with the interior of a military boat.
Meanwhile, with Scarlett and Sammy…
"You need to stick by my side from now on." The brainiac told the cheerleader as they ran towards their destination. "We're the only single girls left!"
"What? What are you talking about?" Sammy asked.
"Well, not literally." Scarlett stopped in her tracks, forcing Sammy to do the same. They turned to face each other. "But as you may have noticed, you were rejected by Jasmine for Shawn, when we were told to pair up. If you attempt to ally yourself with them for the remainder of the competition, you'd be the third wheel and fall girl."
"I would?" said Sammy, looking scared.
"You would. And the same thing would happen if you tried to ally with Ella and Dave."
"Is this really the time to be talking about alliances?!" Sammy yelled, upset. "We have less than an hour to live! We need to focus!"
"Agreed." said Scarlett, nonetheless pleased that she was getting under Sammy's skin.
Confessional: Scarlett
"I'm always one to make the best of a bad situation."
End Confessional
"Let's see. According to this, the closest entrance to the control room is under a rock… right over there!" said Scarlett, pointing to a clearing just outside the woods. As the girls came into the field, they saw at least a hundred rocks big enough to hide a trap door.
"You're going to have to be more specific…" said Sammy.
Meanwhile, with Dave and Ella…
"Whoa! It's so scary, my prince!" Ella exclaimed as they hopped towards their entrance. "But it's so exciting! It's like an adventure!"
"Ella! Please! We need to focus!" said Dave seriously.
"Right! Of course!" said Ella. "Now, where is that entrance?"
"It should be around here. Now if only we could have a huge neon sign labeled 'secret entrance' pointing to it!"
"That would be very helpful!" said Ella.
KA-CHINK!
Suddenly, a manhole opened up not ten feet away from where they stood.
"Well, that was easy." said Dave, suspiciously. The two approached the hole. But before they could muster up the courage to hop through it, an apple tree popped out of the hole, blocking any entry. "I knew it."
"There!" cried Ella, pointing to another opening. She grabbed Dave's hand and the two of them ran to the hole before another tree could pop out. They jumped in but as they were halfway through the opening, a tall evergreen tree shot through, intercepting the pair. Before they knew what had happened, Dave and Ella were stranded at the top of a fifty-foot tall tree, clutching each other frightfully.
"Aw, fudge…" Dave muttered.
Meanwhile, with Sammy and Scarlett…
"You search over there, I'll search over here!" Scarlett commanded. Sammy sighed and began lifting up boulders that were almost too heavy for her in a vain attempt to find the entrance. Scarlett watched in amusement for a couple of seconds before switching to a more efficient way of narrowing down the search. She used Chris's iPad to hone in on the correct boulder. When Sammy was distracted trying to lift a boulder she had no chance of lifting without help from Rodney, Scarlett gently kicked her specified boulder. At once it popped up on a mechanical hinge revealing a manhole leading underground. She smirked in satisfaction at her own cleverness. She looked at Sammy, who had not noticed her. The brainiac chose not to alert the cheerleader and hopped in by herself. The rock closed behind her.
"Scarlett, you having any luck over there?" Sammy asked. She looked around to find that Scarlett had disappeared. "Scarlett? Scarlett?! Oh no…"
Scarlett had found herself in the tunnels, her face grinning insanely with opportunistic glee. She flinched when she noticed a camera. Figuring she didn't want any eyes on her, she took out her remote and sent out signal jammers, making sure she couldn't be tracked or monitored. After doing so, she switched to the iPad. Instead of determining the fastest route to the control room, she looked to see if there were any interesting detours she could take. And there were.
"What have we here?!" Scarlett said greedily.
Meanwhile with Shawn and Jasmine…
The two survivalists ran down the hall as fast as they could towards the control room. They were stopped when a nearby television turned on, revealing Chris.
"Hey, guys!" Chris greeted. "I'm glad I caught you! I have good news!"
"We're gonna live?" Jasmine asked hopefully.
"No, I meant good news for me!" Chris clarified. "I can download all the footage from the cameras to the helicopter! So even if the island blows up, I can still put together an episode!" Shawn and Jasmine leered at Chris unappreciatively.
"Glad you're enjoying the show while we risk our lives!" said Jasmine sarcastically.
"Hey! You think you got it hard?!" Chris snapped indignantly. "The cappuccino maker on this thing is terrible!" Chris took a sip of coffee. "Oh yeah! Try to avoid the motion sensors! They set off crazy security measures all over the island!"
The television turned off. Shawn and Jasmine turned to see that the hallway before them had been rigged with lasers. Jasmine groaned.
"No worries!" said Shawn. "I got the same kind of system in my backyard for zombie attacks!"
"Really?" said Jasmine.
"Yeah." said Shawn sheepishly. "At first I tried landmines, but… you know… squirrels…"
Confessional: Jasmine
"He's a work-in-progress…"
End Confessional
Shawn and Jasmine began to hop through the lasers, being ever so careful not to touch any of them. Both exhibited impressive agility and made it halfway through without breaking a sweat. Shawn's moves, in particular, were downright gymnastic, doing several handstands and a cartwheel that would have given Sky a run for her money.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Okay, the zombie thing's bad, but the bloke's got some sweet moves!"
End Confessional
Eventually, the two reached the end of the hallway, ending up in very close proximity to each other. When they turned their heads, they saw each other's faces mere inches away from each other.
"Oh! Um, after you!" Shawn offered, blushing.
"No, I think it's… your move!" Jasmine offered. Suddenly, their hormones got the better of them and they leaned in for a kiss.
"Seriously, guys?!" Chris yelled incredulously. "Clock's ticking!"
Shawn and Jasmine ignored him.
SMOOCH!
They were in such a blissful mood, that they didn't even notice that one or both of them had crossed a laser and set off the security alarms.
"INTRUDERS DETECTED!" cried a computer voice. Shawn and Jasmine ignored it. "RELEASING ROBOTIC SECURITY UNITS!"
Shawn and Jasmine did not ignore this. The latter gasped as several androids rose out of the floor, including a bear, a crocodile, a fawn, and a buck. All four of these animals had glowing red eyes and chunks of skin torn off to reveal their robotic physiology.
Chris inhaled through his teeth.
"Aw… nuts! Well, that was the shortest season ever!" he said defeatedly. "Good luck, guys! I'm out!" The television turned off.
"Is this supposed to be weird or scary?" Shawn asked.
"It's both!" Jasmine cried.
The two retreated down the hall, ignoring any more lasers. The animal androids pursed them. Much to their misfortune, they had come across a metal door coming down and sealing off the hallway. Much to their fortune, however, they were swift enough to slide under it before it closed completely.
"My hat!" Jasmine cried. Her hat had fallen off as she slid under the door, she grabbed it just in time to avoid losing it.
"That was close!" Jasmine cried.
"What say we save the making out for later?" Shawn suggested.
"Good idea. Let's go." The two then took off.
Meanwhile with Scarlett…
The brainiac had taken a detour to a room off the main route to the control room. She opened the door and turned on the lights to find fourteen androids stored in this particular room, each taking the form of the contestants of Total Drama Pahkitew Island.
"Perfect! Just perfect!" Scarlett grinned wickedly as she walked over to the android shaped like Max. "I never thought I'd be so happy to see you again, Max! What say you come along with me after I reprogram you to make your personality more pleasant, hm?"
Scarlett took out her remote and began sending signals to the android. After a couple of minutes, the android sprang to life.
"How may I serve you, oh great and glorious mistress? Ye of intelligence far greater than I could ever hope to achieve, I shall sacrifice anything for your whims!" said the robot. He got down on his knees and bowed worshipfully at Scarlett. It was bizarrely satisfying to see Max behaving this way.
"Come with me, you turkey!" said Scarlett. "I need a scapegoat!"
"Of course, mistress! Anything for such a superior mind!"
With a haughty smile, Scarlett walked out of the room, with the Max android right behind her.
Meanwhile with Dave and Ella…
The two had just been pulled underground by the tree that they had been caught in. They were both screaming in terror, at least that's what it looked like. Once the tree had stopped, it was revealed that Ella was actually screaming in delight.
"What fun!" she cried, letting go of the tree and falling to the ground.
"Is it over?!" Dave cried.
"It is over, my prince! Let me help you down!" Ella reached out a hand, allowing a shaking Dave to let go of the tree and drop to the ground.
"Well, well, well! Look who finally decided to join us!" came Chris's voice from a nearby television. "FYI, being more interested in making out than in saving your lives, Shawn and Jasmine set off security!"
"Oh great. Another Geoff and Bridgette!" Dave griped.
"I know right? So now the island's crawling with killer robot animals!" said Chris.
"That's okay!" said Ella. "There's no animal that cannot be charmed by my voice, not to boast or anything!"
"I don't think so, Ella!" said Chris.
"But if the animals she already met were all robots, why wouldn't these ones be tamed?" Dave asked.
"Because the animals we stashed down here were crazy violent and out of control! We put them down here to keep you guys safe!"
"That was smart!" Ella complimented.
"Was it?!" Dave cried.
"Well, it must have seemed like a good idea at the time…" Ella admitted. "I mean, Chris didn't think he'd ever need to send us down here!"
"The point is!" Chris interjected. "The halls are dangerous and Ella's singing will not work on these psychos! You'll be much safer sneaking through the gear chamber behind you!"
Dave and Ella looked behind them to see the giant mechanisms used to propel trees and boulders up to the surface.
"What could be less safe than that?!" Dave cried incredulously.
"Oh! You're about to find out!" said Chris as the door opened slowly and ominously. Dave and Ella fearfully braced themselves. They were expecting the dragon, but instead, an orange kitten walked into the room.
"Meow!" it mewed.
"Awwwwww!" cried both Dave and Ella, the former gazing at the feline infant with as much adoration as the latter did with human infants. He walked forward, a desire to stroke it overcoming his fear and common sense.
"Dave, not that!" Chris warned.
"It's adorable!" Dave cried.
But Chris was right. The kitten opened its mouth and Dave caught sight of an electrical charge building up.
"Uh-oh." said Dave, coming to his senses.
FWOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
A burst of flames shot out of the kitten's mouth, incinerating the television. Lucky for Dave and Ella, they had ducked.
Confessional: Dave
"That… is one bad kitty!"
End Confessional
"Run!" Dave cried. He and Ella ran through the gear chamber, careful not to get caught in some of the giant gears, crushed by descending boulders or struck by ascending trees. After a few minutes, they managed to catch a break.
"Oh, boy! This is all such good exercise!" Ella cried. "But we must also exercise our hearts! Through song!"
"Really?" said Dave, incredulously.
"Smiles can help with trials and tribulaaaaaaaaaations!" she sang.
Confessional: Dave
"I gotta admit: For all her weirdness, Ella's really good at keeping positive!"
End Confessional
We then cut to Chris sitting in his helicopter, sipping his coffee in a comfortable computer chair.
"Stay tuned to find out if anyone is still alive when they get blown up!" he narrated. "On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to Sammy, the only one who hadn't made it underground yet. She was still searching for the entrance in the field of boulders.
"Damn it, Scarlett! Where did you go?!" she cried angrily.
Confessional: Sammy
"This reminds me of the time my grandpa took me and Amy to a football game and it started to rain. I took shelter in the bathroom for a couple of minutes but when I got back to my seat, Amy and Grandpa were gone. Turns out Amy told Grandpa that I was getting a ride home with someone else and they left without me."
End Confessional
Frustrated, Sammy kicked the correct boulder by coincidence, causing it to open up.
"Oh, there it is!" she jumped down, falling through a series of painful slides and tubes. After twenty seconds of tumbling, she finally hit the ground. "Ow… Okay, time to find the control room!"
"Samey!" cried Chris over a television. "Congrats on being the first to the control room! And subsequently not dying!"
"I am?!" cried Sammy, astonished. She looked around to see a large steel door that looked like a bank vault. A button pad was situated to the left of it. "Oh wow!"
"Say, you know what happened to Scarlett? I can't seem to find her anywhere." Chris asked.
"No idea. She just disappeared on me." The cheerleader ran to the door and tried to yank it open. Unsurprisingly, it didn't budge. "Chris, what's the passcode?"
"Let's see…" said Chris, pulling out a notebook. "Two-four-four-seven, five-six-nine-six, zero-zero-zero-three, two-one-eight-four!"
"Um, a little slower, please?" Sammy requested.
"Oh no, wait! That's Chef's credit card! My bad!"
"WHAT?!" came Chef's outraged voice.
"Yeah, I forgot! The code to the control room is on my iPad. So until I find Scarlett, just try punching in random combinations. It couldn't hurt! Except for the electric shocks they dish out every time you get it wrong! Those'll hurt!"
RING!
"Whoops, gotta take this! It's the network! If I'm not back in thirty minutes, I hope you had a nice life!" The television turned off.
Sammy moaned despairingly. She racked her brain trying to figure out the best way to determine the code while sustaining as little pain as possible. She snapped her fingers as an idea came to her. She pulled out her makeup bag and a bit of blush. She wiped the keypad with blush, revealing fingerprints on the seven, nine, and one buttons. Sammy smiled proudly.
Confessional: Sammy
"I enjoy being a girl!"
End Confessional
She knew it had to be a combination of those three digits. Cautiously, she held up her finger in preparation to attempt to break the code, hoping the shocks weren't too painful. She put in one-seven-nine-one.
ZAP!
Sammy wasn't expecting to get it right on the first try, but she hadn't expected the shocks to knock her out cold either. Her eyes pink, her skin blackened, her hair frizzled, and her clothes smoldering, Sammy fell backwards, unconscious. Just at that moment, Scarlett entered the vicinity, followed by the Max android. She clicked her tongue in pity at the cheerleader.
"Shame. Alright, turkey-boy. Go punch in the code to the door." Scarlett commanded. She had the code but wasn't going to risk ending up like Sammy.
"Yes, your gloriousness!" the android obeyed. The android punched in seven-nine-seven-one, and the door opened.
"Yes!" Scarlett exclaimed, running into the dark room. Computer screens and lights turned on dramatically.
"Welcome, Chris McLean!" said a computer voice.
"Excellent! Excellent!" Scarlett muttered wickedly. "Now what to do? Do I terminate the self-destruct sequence and acquire immunity? Do I hold the island hostage and demand the million dollars? Or do I try to transfer the controls to the island onto these portable devices and gain an edge for the remainder of the competition?" Scarlett thought for a brief moment before deciding on a combination of all three.
"Turkey-boy!" she cried.
"Yes, your brilliantness? How can your lowly sidekick assist you?" cried the Max android, hopping into the room.
"I'm going to transfer the controls of the island onto Chris's iPad. I need you to provide a distraction! Here's what I want you to do." Scarlett whispered instructions into the android's ear.
"At once!" Max sat down at the main computer and contacted Chris.
"Max!" Chris cried, shocked. "How did you get here?!"
"I walked." said Max sarcastically. Chris couldn't see Scarlett dismantling hardware in the background due to a darkening effect Max put on.
"Okay! You wanna do me a favor and shut down the self-destruct sequence?"
"I need incentive!" said Max.
"Your life isn't enough?!"
"I'm the one who set off the self-destruct sequence! Besides, there's an escape pod connected to this control room! I can leave anytime I want!"
"Since when did you become lord of the smart guys?!" said Chris, frustrated. "Okay, fine! I'll let you back into the game! Just turn off the self-destruct sequence!"
"Not good enough!" said Max. "I want… one million dollars!"
"Seriously?"
"Bring me the million dollars, or I simply escape and let the island blow up!"
"Yeah, I think you're bluffing!"
"Perhaps you need a demonstration of the power I now possess!" said Max, cracking his mechanical knuckles. He hit a button on the computer.
Up on the surface of Pahkitew Island, four large trees launched out of the ground like rockets. They flew towards the helicopter, with Chef swerving to barely avoid each one.
"Hey! Have some respect for nature!" Chris yelled.
"Bring me the million! Or you and this island are history! Mwaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"You're forgetting one thing! The others will be there any second!"
"No, they will not!" Max hung up.
Confessional: Scarlett
"This bluff will yield three possible results. Best case scenario, Chris gives in and hands 'Max' the million dollars, he escapes with me, his 'hostage,' and takes the blame for such criminal actions while I enjoy the spoils. It's not likely, but even so, if I can keep the others distracted long enough, I'll be able to program Chris's iPad to control the entire island, after which, I'll be unstoppable! And if not that, I can at least secure immunity."
End Confessional
"Chef! We have an emergency!" Chris cried urgently, running into the cockpit of the helicopter. "The foamy thing on the coffee machine won't work at all now! (Sips) Also, Max has returned and is going to blow up the island. We gotta warn the others. (Sips) As soon as the foamy thing is working properly again!"
"Not until you tell me how and why you have my credit card!" said Chef.
Meanwhile…
Shawn and Jasmine were speed-walking down a hallway, trying not to set off any more security, when Dave and Ella fell out of the ceiling. They landed in a painful heap at the survivalists' feet.
"Argh… so much hurting…" Dave groaned.
"Oy! Thank goodness it's you and not more of those crazy robots!" Jasmine exclaimed.
"We're fine! Thanks for asking!" Dave grumped sarcastically.
"I think my spine is mildly damaged…" Ella complained. Shawn helped Dave up and Jasmine helped up Ella.
Confessional: Dave
"This is insane! I bet the money it took to make this island could have been used to stop world hunger!"
End Confessional
"TWENTY MINUTES TO SELF-DESTRUCT!" said the computer.
"You know where we are, right?" Dave asked.
"Um…" said Jasmine unsurely.
Suddenly, a monitor popped down in front of the four.
"Guys, I'm glad I found you!" came Scarlett's voice. "I'm in the control room, but the main computer is damaged and I can't shut down the self-destruct from here!"
"Lovely." Jasmine drawled.
"Of course…" Dave sighed, defeatedly.
"You'll have to shut it down manually, down in this room right here." Scarlett instructed. A map appeared on the monitor, showing a route to a nearby room.
"That's just down the hall!" Shawn cried, relieved.
"Thank you, Scarlett!" Ella cried. The group began to make its way towards the destination, except for Dave.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" he cried, causing Shawn, Ella, and Jasmine to halt. "Are we really buying this? Scarlett's been causing chaos all season! For all we know, she could be leading us into a trap!"
"Dave, it's life or death!" Jasmine reasoned. "Sure, Scarlett's done a couple of questionable things, but do you really think she'd be doing something so criminally depraved at a time like this?"
"It's a million dollars!" Dave reasoned.
"Who do you think she is, Max?"
"Well…"
"We don't have time for this!" Jasmine declared, grabbing Dave's arm.
The four ran as fast as they could to the room that Scarlett specified. The door opened automatically, allowing the group to run in. The lights turned on, revealing a most disturbing sight. Dozens of Chris McLean androids were being stored in this very room.
"Creep City!" Dave exclaimed.
"FOOLS!" came Max's bellowing voice. "You've fallen into my trap! And now, prepare to die! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!"
The door shut behind them.
"What have you done with Scarlett?!" Jasmine cried.
"She is my prisoner!" came Max's voice.
"I'm sorry, guys." came Scarlett's remorseful voice. "I had to do it! He tortured me!" she sounded as though she was about to cry.
The Chris androids suddenly came to life. Their eyes emitted a creepy red glow. They reached out with their arms and began to lumber towards the campers.
"TOTAL! DRAMA! TOTAL! DRAMA!" They chanted. The campers were backed up against the wall.
"What do we do?! What do we do?! What do we do?!" Ella panicked.
"Don't ask me!" Jasmine cried.
Suddenly, Dave had an idea.
"It's like an army of…" Dave paused for a moment and leaned towards Shawn, making sure his friend could hear. "Zombies!"
As expected, Shawn tensed up. He began to shiver violently. Dave smirked.
"Dave! What are you doing?!" Jasmine cried.
"Just watch!" said Dave, grinning evilly.
"Z-Z-Z-ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBIES!" Shawn screamed. He jumped at the approaching horde, letting out a war cry. The androids turned toward him.
It was like watching a more unhinged and violent version of Batman. Shawn kicked, punched, slammed heads together, head-butted, dismembered, and decapitated the Chris androids. There were at least fifty of these robots and Shawn didn't slow down until each and every one of them at least had its head destroyed or ripped off, to say nothing of their limbs or bodies.
"HEADSHOT! HEADSHOT! HEADSHOT!" he screamed, launching his fist through three androids simultaneously. Ella and Jasmine were in awe. Dave smirked proudly.
Confessional: Ella
"My prince is a genius!" (Swoons)
Confessional: Dave
"I should be scared, but seeing Chris getting violently destroyed over and over is so… therapeutic!"
Confessional: Jasmine
"There comes a time in every girl's life where she has to stop whining about her boyfriend's quirks, and accept that she's got odd taste in men. This is that time!"
End Confessional
Eventually, Shawn had knocked the head off of the last android. He was covered in oil. The adrenaline rush had worn off and he panted deeply.
"Guys! You're not gonna believe this!" Chris cried, a monitor dropping down. "Hey! What did you do to my promo bots?!"
"Promo bots?" Dave asked.
"How do you think I did the promotions for the show?!" Chris yelled. "You think I went to all those malls myself?!"
"Kinda violent for promo bots!" Jasmine commented.
"They gotta defend themselves! Do you have any idea what the average Total Drama fan is like?! Do you?!"
"It's not our fault!" Dave cried. "You should have been helping us! If you were more concerned with fixing the island rather than the coffee machine, maybe we wouldn't have had to!"
"First off, I'm on to smoothies right now!" said Chris, sipping a smoothie. "Secondly, I don't like your tone!"
"Yeah well, screw you!" Dave flipped Chris off.
"Thirdly! THIRDLY…!" Chris began heatedly. "Damn it, I had something for this! It was a big one, too! Um…"
"Does it have something to do with Max?" Ella asked.
"Oh, yeah!" Chris cried. "Max has taken over the island and is gonna kill everyone if I don't hand him the million! Side note: I am not giving him the million!"
"What?!" cried Jasmine.
"Then what do we do?" Dave asked.
"Try and reason with him?" Chris suggested. "I dunno. It's your lives! Not mine!"
The monitor turned off.
The group made their way over to the control room, which thankfully wasn't very far. In front of the door, they saw Sammy laying on the floor, still unconscious.
"Sammy!" Jasmine cried. "Quick, Shawn! Help me!"
The survivalists ran over to the cheerleader and tried to awaken her. Jasmine applied pressure to her abdomen while Shawn blew into her mouth. Sammy's eyes opened widely.
"Shawn!" she cried.
"Oh!" Shawn cried, his head retreating from Sammy's. "It's not what you think!"
"It's okay, Shawn. I know." said Sammy. She wasn't as naïve as Ella. "Thank you."
"Thank goodness, you're okay." Jasmine cried. Sammy smiled, then frowned and looked away from Shawn and Jasmine.
Meanwhile, Dave and Ella tried to negotiate with Max.
"Max! Open up, ya freak!" Dave yelled, pounding the door.
"Max, please!" Ella begged. "Don't do this!"
A monitor came down.
"Attention, vermin!" came Max's voice and visage. "Either Chris brings me the million or everyone gets eliminated! Permanently! You have…"
"TEN MINUTES AND COUNTING!"
"That is all!" The monitor turned off.
"Chris! He won't budge!" Dave exclaimed.
"I see!" said Chris. "Chef! Move us to a safe distance! She's gonna blow!"
"You can't just leave us here to die!" Jasmine cried.
"Yes, I can!" said Chris. "You all signed a release form and waiver! A million bucks is a lot of money!"
The campers burst into frantic protests.
HONK!
Chris silenced them with the air horn.
"Zip it!" he cried. Then he grinned. "Just wanted to do that one more time! Later guys!"
The monitor turned off. Before anyone could panic, Ella gasped excitedly.
"I have an idea!" she exclaimed. "Follow me!"
The campers followed Ella back to the room with all the destroyed promo bots.
"What are we doing, Ella?" Jasmine asked.
"Max says he wants the million, right?" Ella stated. She then picked up an android that had lost its limbs. "So, we pretend that we're Chris, we have the million, and we're going to give it to Max. He opens the door, and we-"
"And then we pound him!" Jasmine finished. "Great idea, Ella!"
"Are we sure he's dumb enough to fall for it?" Dave asked.
"FOUR MINUTES AND COUNTING!"
"We don't have time!" said Shawn, grabbing the destroyed android and running back to the control room.
Meanwhile, in the control room…
Scarlett had just finished designing a program transferring the controls of the island entirely onto Chris's iPad.
"Excellent! The island is mine!" she exclaimed lowly. "MINE!"
Confessional: Scarlett
"It's quite amusing that Chris needed an entire room to control the island! I mean, what is this, the 1970s? Everything these computers can do is now on this one application!" (Holds up the iPad)
End Confessional
Suddenly, the monitor turned on. An image of Chris came up.
"You win!" came Shawn's poorly disguised voice. "We have the million dollars right here! Open Sesame!"
Scarlett rolled her eyes.
"Do they honestly think I'd be stupid enough to fall for that?" she exclaimed. "Oh, right. They think they're dealing with Max." Scarlett stuffed the iPad in the back of her sweater.
"Shall I let them in, mistress?" said the Max android.
"Not yet! First, I need you to tie me up! I'm supposed to be a damsel in distress!"
"Anything for you!" The robot ran over to Scarlett, undid her hair, revealing it to be at least four feet long. Then, much to Scarlett's surprise, the robot knocked her to the ground and hog-tied her with her own hair.
"Not what I had in mind…" Scarlett grumbled. "Okay! Now open the door and take a few hits! Then shake everyone off you and escape!"
"With pleasure!" The robot ran to the door and opened it. Shawn and Dave pounced onto the robot and began to beat it up. After a couple of seconds, the android threw the boys off of him and retreated into the only escape pod on the island.
Meanwhile, the girls had run in.
"Scarlett! You're alright!" Sammy cried.
"Just barely…" said Scarlett in a weak voice.
"SELF-DESTRUCT IN TEN… NINE…"
"Quick! Untie me! I'm the only one who can shut it down!"
Jasmine untied Scarlett as fast as she could. The brainiac ran to the console and began hitting random characters on the keyboard rapidly.
"FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO…"
At the literal last second, Scarlett pressed control-alt-delete.
"SELF-DESTRUCT TERMINATED."
The five other campers sighed in relief. Scarlett smirked. No one was any the wiser to what she had really been doing in here.
Suddenly, the monitor turned back on.
"Guys!" said Chris. "Before you all die, I just wanted to say that- Whoa! You did it! Nice!" Chris gave a chuckle of relief. "Way better than dying, am I right?"
"Yes! No thanks to you!" said Jasmine.
"So who terminated the self-destruct sequence?"
"I did!" Scarlett reported proudly. Chris waited for a second and when no one contradicted her, he continued.
"Okay! So that means that Scarlett and Samey have immunity! And that they get to choose who to send home tonight!"
"Are we seriously still doing this?!" Dave cried incredulously.
"Of course we are! This episode is gonna be ratings-zilla! Teehee!" Chris chuckled.
Elimination Ceremony
The campers all sat in the elimination area for the second time that evening. It was now down to six. Four out of those six sat nervously. Sammy sat neutrally in the Peanut Gallery. Scarlett sat next to her with her hair back in a bun and an arrogant smile on her face.
"I know I usually give out marshmallows to the safe campers," said Chris. "But given the elimination method today, a special ceremony is in order! Scarlett, since you were the one to shut down the self-destruct sequence, you get to choose who to eliminate today! You can choose to get rid of anyone except for Samey! I suggest Ella!"
"Me?!" cried Ella.
"Hm…" said Scarlett. "I think that…"
Shawn, Jasmine, Dave, and Ella looked just as nervous as one another. Scarlett was a total wildcard, and nobody knew her well enough to know who she would vote for. The latter two hugged each other. Sammy looked away and bowed her head sadly.
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"...Samey should be the one to decide!" Scarlett declared, pointing her thumb to her side.
"What?" said Sammy, looking surprised.
"That's a great idea!" Chris declared. "Samey! Eliminate the player of your choice! Other than Scarlett!"
With a look of utmost terror, Sammy turned around and looked at her competition. Jasmine seemed to relax while Dave grew even more nervous.
"Um… I…" said Sammy, wishing for the first time that Amy was still present.
"Tick-tock, Samey!" said Chris.
"Okay! Okay!" said Sammy. "The person I choose… to eliminate… is…"
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"Shawn!" Sammy declared, closing her eyes painfully. Shawn and Jasmine gasped in shock. Ella sighed in relief. Dave was torn between shock and relief. Scarlett smirked wickedly.
"Sammy, I thought we were pals!" Shawn protested.
"I… I…" Sammy tried to apologize but was so overwhelmed, she couldn't get the words out.
"You heard the lady, Shawn! You're going home!" Chris declared.
"Aw, snapdragons!" Shawn exclaimed bitterly. He let out a groan and then turned to Jasmine. "Well, good luck, Jazz! I'll be rooting for you!"
Shawn shared a goodbye kiss with Jasmine. Sammy turned away from them, guiltily. Shawn then went over to Dave and Ella, sharing goodbye hugs with both of them.
"Later, bud!" said Shawn. "I'll be rooting for you, too!"
"Thanks!" said Dave, his voice cracking. "You know, you were really badass tonight!"
"Thanks, bro."
"Farewell, Sir Shawn!" said Ella. "Thank you for taking care of us!"
"No prob!" said Shawn. Chef approached Shawn. Getting the hint, Shawn began to walk down to the Cannon of Shame, so as to avoid being manhandled by the large man.
Jasmine didn't have the heart to see him off. She stayed in her seat, eyes closed in sorrow.
KABOOM!
Tears shot out of Jasmine's eyes as suddenly as Shawn was fired out of the Cannon and sent flying across the horizon, with an Evel Knievel helmet over his toque.
"Jasmine…" said Sammy. The tall girl's eyes shot open. She stood up and stared at Sammy with something she had never done before: anger.
"You. Go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow!" Jasmine said, her anger visibly controlled. She stomped past a heartbroken-looking Sammy.
Confessional: Sammy
"Jasmine's mad at me! What have I done? What have I done?!" (Sobs)
End Confessional
We then cut to Chris, closing out the episode at the Cannon of Shame.
"Well, we almost tested the Big Bang Theory!" he narrated. "But, at least everything is back to normal! Tune in next week to see who stays in the game, and who goes bang! Here! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
Epilogue
Jasmine was the first to leave the elimination ceremony.
"Well, good job, today, everyone!" Scarlett congratulated Dave and Ella. "You know we have room in our treehouse for two more! And you're welcome to come back and bunk with me, Samey! Now that Sky's gone, your bed's free again."
"Um, thanks!" said Dave, suspiciously.
"Yeah… great!" Sammy groaned miserably.
"That is very kind of you, Scarlett!" said Ella, pleasantly surprised.
"Hey, Scarlett!" said Chris, coming back. "Do you have my iPad?"
"No, sorry. It was confiscated by Max." Scarlett lied. She had stashed it under her sheets.
"Freaking A! That kid is a pest!"
Scarlett led Dave and Ella over to the treehouse. The former Tigers settled in on the side of the treehouse that had been occupied by Rodney, Max, and Topher. Sammy took back the bed that Sky had taken for two nights. Before retiring to bed, Dave shot a look at Sammy. Part of him was angry at her for eliminating his best friend, but another part was saying "Better him than me." He struggled with the desire to confront her until she started crying herself to sleep.
Rankings
6. Shawn
7. Sky
8. Topher
9. Beardo
10. Max
11. Rodney
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: Woo! Lots to talk about! First of all, are any of you surprised that Scarlett is still here? In canon, I didn't like it that Scarlett turned out to be a more dangerous version of Max (No offense, fans of Max!). My personal headcanon is that Max annoyed her into insanity, which is why she didn't actually attempt to kill anyone here. Now, Scarlett has control of Pahkitew Island, and is more dangerous than ever! On another note, the Shawn-mawn is gawn! Please don't murder me. I did want him to go in the next episode, but I had to do it here, for reasons I'll explain later. Anyway, R&R!